FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Originally written by Ace Wolf, revised and edited by AW_6. Please comment, rate, and enjoy!

*Unknown Emotion*

A set of paws stroked my spine, gentle; a touch so smooth, so sweet. Fingers tracked the line in my back, ending at my tail, causing me to shiver from the paws. I shivered not from comfort or shock, yet from fear and uneasiness, like I didn't want to be in this place.

My location wasn't even recognizable. A small, cold, dark room, filled with objects that were not my own. I felt alone, yet someone was behind me; scared, though nothing to be afraid of; confused and lost, but with no idea why? Darkness seemed to close in around me, suffocating me; I shivered again.

I felt a set of lips slowly kissing down my cheeks, going down my neck, reaching my shoulders, continuing down, finally stopping mid-back. Those lips, so gentle and moist, were familiar. I've set my own lips upon them once, but the experience was not as memorable enough that I could recall who they belonged to.

Arms wrapped around my upper-chest, holding me firmly, and from there the paws worked their way down my chest, massaging my abs, it sort of made me feel weak -submissive. My wolf instincts wanted to burst out, growl, show dominance, and yet, I could not seem to move, as if frozen. The desire to do something, anything, burned deep inside, but I could not find the will to move, or even make a sound.

The sound of slight pants could be heard, penetrating my eardrums. I could feel the low, hot, moist breaths being released, caressing my neck. Each one made the fear grow; each one making me feel warm, though my mind and soul remained cold -frozen. Like an Iceberg, I sat there, unmoving.

Questions started to rush through my mind. Why was I here? Who was this familiar person whom I could not remember, who had their arms wrapped around me? How did I get in such a predicament? The questions repeated themselves in my head countless times; I was being pushed further into the darkness by my self-query. The deeper I went, the colder it got.

All of a sudden, the familiar yet unfamiliar body behind me began to grind into my back, murring aloud, his body ached for attention, but one question stuck in my mind: who would give it to him? The fires my desire gave off was not enough to overcome the cold, and heaviness I felt, and so I remained motionless, afraid of what, or who, pushed against my back.

In that second, I would have given anything to be home, in my own bed, cuddling with my wolf.

My wolf...

Images flashed of a greyish-white wolf, his smile warmed my body, almost rinsing the cold away -almost. The warm body behind me kkept it in place, the heat doing nothing to disspate the cold in my body, his paws rubbing over my broad chest, over my nipples, tracing my abs. They gave me more and more attention, but I strove to ignore it. Whatever the paws required, they would not get from me. Whatever their goals were, I would have no part in aiding, or guiding. I wanted for the two paws to cease. I would put a stop to them myself, but my body; my arms; my legs would not comply. They remained still.

"I want you..." A voice said from behind, it obviously belonged to the owner of the paws.

The voice was calm, yet lustful; quiet, yet audible; questioning, yet demanding. It gave me the will to turn my head, just a bit, and see who spoke. As I did, the sight of a cute snow leopard caught my attention. His face seemed drowsy, probably because he was horny.

The snow kitten looked me in the eye; I noticed his eyes were light blue, like the sky. His ears were perked up, well, one of them, while the other laid flat against his head, containing three earrings of different colors: pink, blue, and light green. He seemed so small, compared to me he would appear -cubbish.

"No...you don't..." I whispered, my voice tiny, fragile, but strong in resolve.

We gazed into one another eyes for a brief second, before the feline grabbed my paw, laid back, and pulled my body on top of his, wrapping his legs around me for a finale. He trapped me between his legs, his grip tight, surely it would be impossible to escape.

The unknown guy leaned down to kiss me, and was stopped. Somehow, I gained the strength to reach up and place a paw between our muzzles before they connected. It shocked the both of us, though mostly him; his eyes went wide from the unexpected halt.

"I can't..."

"You want to...I want to...A nice, young black wolf like yourself wants to fill me with his canine cock, breed me, feel my tight ass clench around that wolf wood." He grabbed me by a collar I wore. It was red, with a tag saying 'Love you always, and forever, till the end of time'

I looked down at the red collar, immediately freezing, once more. That collar, it held something very special; something that could not efface my memory. It held a promise, one I made to a friend -a long lost friend. As I stared at the shiny tag on the collar, the snow kitten noticed, and began reading what was on it.

"Love you always, and forever, till the end of time? What's this, something your mother gave to you?"

A small grin spread across my muzzle, a memory appeard in my mind unbidden. I could remember it so clearly, and even though it was a sweet memory, I fought it. The sweetest of memories held the power to make even the strongest men collapse in despair, and sob.

Without warning, pulled back and removed myself from the snow leopard. I picked up a few things- my clothes, and left that dark room. The kitten could be heard inside his room, whining in frustration from letting his boy-toy, up and walk out before having a chance to play. By the time I made it to the exit, my shirt and shoes were safely on, so I walked out of the door.

A Strong, frigid breeze blasted me as I exited, inducing a very hard shiver and the chattering of my canines. It was a very cold night, one of those Fall nights that always came with intense winds, the type you can walk, think, and let the wind blow all of your problems away -a perfect night. Judging by street activities or lack therof, I guessed it to be around 1:00a.m.

The night's wind triggered my memory. I began a walk down memory-lane, and my memory quickly became complete, everything I did not know only a few minutes ago. For example, that snow leopard had been my date. The night replayed itself in my mind. I could remember going to a nice outside dinner. The little kitten, Oscar, was just a random guy I met on the internet; he seemed decent -sophomore in college, lived alone, and held a stable job.

Although Oscar carried traits every good mate should, he could never compare to the one I lost. One guy stuck with me, his memory sweet and precious. That guy made me feel special, a lover and a friend, but most of all he was mine- in a previous life. Even though he ceased to exist in my life, I still held something close to my heart -an object that would forever serve as a reminder to me of what I had lost. As the pain that comes with all lost made itself known, I reached up and gripped the collar that set around my neck; unbidden, unwanted memories of the past flooding my conciousness.

"Haha! Sit still! Let me put it...there!"

A white wolf placed a beautiful red collar around my neck. The red collar represented our one-year anniversary, and in my eyes, it was the most gorgeous object ever given as a gift. I ran my paws over the circular object to find a metal tag. I looked at it, seeing words, or a phrase, had been engraved.

"What does it say?"

The white wolf inched closer, grabbed the metal tag in a paw, and read it, his muzzle only inches from mine. He read it aloud, but his eyes never left mine, his voice soft and full of love.

"Love you always, and forever, till the end of time."

He finished reading, and he smiled. The words engraved were sweet, a real tear-jerker. Leave it up to the white wolf to give a sentimental One-Year Anniversary gift.

"Happy Anniversary, Mr. Wolf."

Hot tears began to fill my eyes as I wrapped both arms around the wolf's waist and brought him closer, and into a kiss. Our lips met, bodies pressed against one another, tongues twisted together. A kiss. No. A passionate kiss -one that showed just as much affection as the first we shared, one that filled my entire body with warmth. Our muzzles retracted. Our eyes met.

"I love you."

The little white and grey wolf's paw grazed over my furred cheek, gazing deep into my spectacles.

"I love you too..."

The memory ended as the wind implanted a cold kiss upon my furry body. Such a sweet memory; one I wish to relive -one I'll never receive again. Everyone wants the opportunity to go back in time: fix mistakes, enjoy that bad-ass party -see a loved one. Like the old saying 'You never know what you have until it's gone.'

The flaw in that ancient saying is I knew what I had, cherished it with my heart, mind, and soul. What I once obtained had my heart, and was given his in return. Now, I walk a cold journey, wondering how I lost everything in a matter of seconds. Why me? I queried more than a thousand times, if not millions. Why do I endure pain, day in and day out?

Good people walk difficult trails throughout their life, while the bad ones cheat and steal, but never get caught. No one is perfect -certainly not me. But I have tried to be a good person, for myself, and for the one I lost. Though the things I've sacrificed, every hardship I've encountered, it always leaves me with nothing -except a broken heart.

It wasn't my fault, it never was my fault. In the past 3 months I've partaken in twelve dates, all ending with either a walk-out, bail, or cancelation. None of the guys did these things, it was all my doing. The dates were not un-dateable, no it wasn't that. The thruth is that I'm terrified. Terrified to become close to someone. No, that wasn't it either... I could lie to myself, but the real truth gradually became clear to me, as I looked up at the clear starry sky. I just couldn't give me heart away. How could I give something that has already been claimed? We may be worlds apart, but he still had my heart, and always will.

No. The blame could not be placed on this wolf. This thief, this person who had my heart was to blame; he's the one that has kept me from being happy with others. His memories torture me every waking second.

"Am I really the one to blame?"

Someone spoke just as I passed a lamppost. I quickly turned around to see who said it, catching sight of a white wolf in the dim light. I looked at him; this wolf had always lurked in the shadows, waiting for his chance to interrogate me. The wolf was short, with long, white, greyish fur, wearing semi-baggy jeans and an all-black shirt. The sight of the figure sent fresh pang of fear, of loss through my heart.

"Yes, you're the one to blame. I can't be happy, you're always with me, every step I take... Every date I go on... You are there, watching me from the shadows, keeping me from being happy. I hate you."

The ghostly apparition disappeared, and I turned around and began walking down the lonely street. As I passed another lamppost, the wolf appeared again, this time sitting on a bench; his legs were crossed and arms folded, his eyes cold and accusing.

"Is that so? You hate me? I really don't think that's true..."

The small wolf chuckled to himself; the lamppost flickered, as the ghost vanished once again into thin air. I tried not to let it faze me and I just kept walking, not thinking of him. He appeared again, three lampposts down.

"It is...that's why I'm ignoring you. I hate you! You are ruining my life... So kindly go fuck off and leave me alone...."

"How about you make me..." The little wolf said as I passed him. Those words caused my feet to come to a halt. "Do you really think I'm the one ruining your life?"

I turned around to face the wolf, but to my dismay, he vanished -again. Resuming in the direction I'd chosen, the wolf could be spotted a few feet ahead. I quickly walked up to him, standing tall and straight.

"If you want me to go, then I will... But I know, that deep down.... You still love me"

The white wolf gave a soft smile, showing ever canine in his maw. Memories began flooding my mind. The face, smiling at me, brought back every good memory. Inside my mind it started to rain, filling me up with so many emotions. The raindrops filling my mind escaped through my eyes; tears began gently flowed down my cheeks and matted my fur down. I realized the truth in his words, and the knowledge destroyed me. I turned to him, and gasped out in a whimper.

"I do...I do love you...."

I tried to place a paw on his cheek, but the one in front of me was a mere illusion, as the white wolf dissolved in my paws in a white mist. The tears streamed down my cheeks harder now, matting the fur down. I clutched at the metal tag on the collar, a different memory pushing it's way into my mind. This one, painful, it made me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

"Please don't do this babe...it's already hard enough on me doing this..."

The wolf stood in one spot as I paced, back and forth. A few seconds previously I received devastating news, something heartbreaking. Just moments ago, the little white wolf told me he was moving; his parents were given a job in a different city, meaning he would follow. That was bad enough, but what he told me after, was heartwrenching.

"You're moving..., but breaking up with me? Why? We can make this work, I promise! A long-distance relationship could be good for us, most couples start off with long-distance...they grow because of it. Please don't leave me, I know we can make this work if we stick together..."

My words seemed to have no effect on the little wolf, his face expressionless. I couldn't let him leave, it would kill me. I desperately pleaded with him, my final hope.

The small lupine walked up and, gently placed one soft paw on my cheek, and looked into my eyes -they were full of pain, sorrow, hurt... And determination.

"We're moving halfway across the country, to California...I can't have you waiting for me...two long years? That would be way too much to ask. You're a wolf with a lot of things going for you, a lot of people want you...I can't get in the way of that...plus...I'm scared of getting hurt." His voice was soft and gentle, but I could tell that he was holding back his own emotions; I could see the way his eyes shimmered with tears

I grabbed the wolf's tiny paw and caressed it in mine.

"What could you possibly be scared of?"

Our eyes remained locked; mine desperately searching his, and his calmly focused on mine . The beautiful white wolf, in front of me, truly did seem scared; his eyes shot out signals, clearer than fireworks on the Fourth of July.

"If you fall in love with someone else... If that happens... and we're still together... I wouldn't know what to do. Don't say it can't happen, because you've fallen for another person once before. In two years, you'll find someone else... Someone b-better... This way we can both be happy, and neither will be hurt in the end... Promise me, that you won't wait for me... Promise"

The small, gentle paw slid down my cheek. My mind was whirling. He was wrong. So very wrong. My heart was breaking, a painful ache in my chest. I would be forever lost without him. I had to tell him... But even though I longed to cry out, to tell him that I needed him, that my life would be over without him... All I could do, was whisper softly, my voice cracking, as tears began to fall in fat droplets from my eyes. "... I promise."

"I love you..." He said, almost too quiet to be heard.

The little wolf turned around and walked away, his tail resting between his legs -motionless.

"I...love you too..." I whispered, and collapsed to my knees, sobbing quietly for my lost love.. That was the last time I saw, or heard from him.

I returned to myself, the pain and misery fresh, my face soaked. I had no idea where I was- some lonely, dark street, engulfed in silence. Lost in the memories and misery, I guess my legs wandered of their own will. I held the metal tag tight between my paw and rubbed my thumb over the engraved text, repeating it in a hoarse whisper. "Love you always, and forever, till the end of time."

Everything was a lie. No one could love forever, let alone the end of time. If that was true, I would not be here right now, lost in a void created by my most inner thoughts, or seeing loved ones who are on the other side of the country. The forever I experienced didn't even last more than a year. But it must be true... Because otherwise I would not be drowning in agony.

I sat on a random bench, my chin in my paws. I stared straight ahead, vision blurred with tears. I breathed deep, and slowly my vision returned to normal. It was enough, for me to realize that in my random wanderings, my feet had carried me to a place more special than almost any other... The place where one of my happiest memories was created.

"This place...it's where we made our relationship official."

A quiet voice came from my right, I turned, only to see the that which continued to haunt both my dreams, and waking moments. Angry, I looked at the miniature wolf, and glared.

"You're back to torment me, or what?"

"What are you talking about?" The wolf asked.

I stood up, furious. Hurt, Miserable. Terrified. I approached the apparition, the wolf. Our bodies inches apart. It was time to end this. I wanted these illusions to stop, to leave me alone.

"Leave me alone! I want to get over you, but you haunt my dreams, torment my waking hours. You follow me everywhere I go, ruining my dates.. I can't get you out of my mind, it's always you! Ever since you left, I've been a mental wreck, and you just won't leave me be! Why? What can you possibly want from me? Is it revenge for trying to find a new boyfriend? You told me to! Are you after my soul? Because you already have my heart and mind!" I staggered backwards, and look away, fighting a new wave of tears, my voice barely a whisper. "I can't... I still love you, and I always will... Why, why can't you just leave me alone? Every time I see you, it kills a little more of my heart..." I've lost the battle, and my pain and misery begins to flood down my face.

Silence ambushed me and the illusion at-hand. Usually the Illusion would have a smart comment waiting, yet this time, nothing. It just stood there, looking at me, confused. Then, out of nowhere, the little wolf began chuckling, which soon switched over to laughter.

"Great...my illusions are laughing at me now...this is bullshit." I turned around and walked off.

The little wolf continued laughing, his body bouncing from the joyful moment. I just sighed, shook my head, and continued walking away.

"Wait!" I stopped and turned around. The wolf walked up to me and grabbed my collar, twirled it around, and read the engraved text. Then, he looked at me, his eyes full of pain. His voice was soft. "Oh my wolf.. I'm so sorry... I've made a terrible mistake... I never imagined that my leaving would affect you so..."

I looked down at the wolf's paw, gripping the metal tag -appalled. This illusion -what was I drinking last night? I was surely going crazy.

"Love you always, and forever, till the end of time." The wolf said as he looked up and gazed into my eyes.

"W-what...you're an illusion...you can't touch me..."

The wolf chuckled sadly, and shook his head in disbelief.

"Dammit, what kinda drugs did you start takin?"

"I don't know, it must have been something pretty damn strong, if an illusion is touching me..."

"I'm not an illusion, you silly wolf!" The lupine giggled.

"The real you, is in california... A continent away. Forever gone from my life. You left me here, heartbroken. You are just an illusion, an incorporeal figment of my loss, and memories, here to torture me.... "

"If I was an illusion, then could I do this..?"

The wolf stood on his paw-tips and connected our muzzles. A rush of memories, good and bad, flashed my head; memories that had been locked away forever now free to rush through my mind.. The kiss felt so real. Was it? There was no way he could be here, in front of me... But the lips pressed against mine could not be imagined.

Our lips parted slowly, gazing into each others eyes as we pulled back. I lifted a shaking paw, and placed it on his cheek, expecting it to pass through. It connected with solid, warm, silky fur. I jerked it back, and stared my paw, then at the wolf, unbelieving.

"Y-you're real..."

The little wolf nodded and leaned in for another kiss. I groaned and wrapped my arms around him, and picked him up, spinning him around, before setting him down, more tears running down my cheeks, but this time, tears of happiness, and relief. He grabbed the metal tag on my collar, once more, and held it tight within his grasp. His paws ran over the text again, and he flipped it over to reveal a different message carved. My broken heart mended in my chest, and I pressed my lips to his again. We had lots of time to make up. The new message read,

'<3 you Blake; Love Austin'