Let's play a guessing game + First story by Me!
Authors Notes: Hmmm, WELL NAO! My very first story, written, EVR! Isnt it exciting? Written in less than an hour, tryed to keep it clean grammar wise and easy to read so tryed to avoid blocks of text but anywhoooos! looking for a lot of constructive critisicm from any one who's been where I am now, even if it hurts. I dont consider myself a good writer by any means and im not writing smut -yet- but just criticisms on how to flesh out the story better etc etc, give more details without giving away the exact scenario etc etc. Alll is appreciated guys and gals :)
O and please someone help my intro! I basically had nothing so i bsed my way through it, and I really don't like it. S.O.S?
Ooo and see if you can guess what animal im describing before you reach the end, I realize it might be kindof hard seeing as..........well let's just see if anyone gets it! Anywhos shooo shoo! get reading and leave me those criticisms!
before I hunt you down to nom y0 face :] <3<3
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You see the large object in front of you, it seems to shift and move with the wind much like yourself, yet it holds no other familiar characteristics.
Something is wrong with it, it moves with the wind, but not in the same way as you
Now as the wind shifts, you realize its path isn't, and its heading right towards you.
As you are about to make contact, something happens, some force pulls you out of the way and above the strange object, leaving you in a flurry of wind and mixed currents, followed with a very strange smell, accompanied by a black smog that burns your skin and makes it impossible to pull in more oxygen.
Slowly you start to choke.
You quickly avert from this path, as to avoid any damage to your lithe skeleton.
Something in your mind flashes back to the incident days ago, leaving part of your home crippled, many young lost.
One such was your own, you had named him and held him after being birthed by the life giver, he was going to be your charge, yours to teach and raise when the time came. Now he is gone, and you must wait to be assigned another charge.
Nothing that can't be replaced in due time.
You see your target in the distance, the spot lit by the remnants of your comrades. You know it is the correct spot by the distinct scent left by the scouts days earlier, you know this is the right place.
You have been given an order and it must be fulfilled, or shame and mistreatment await you
You fly carefully toward the object of desire, painted like a red "X" in a wall of white; Landing, and carefully taking the first sample.
The first, hopefully, of many others.
You are careful not to misplace anything, as that would be noted as a sign of failure by your comrades, and met with resentment and scorn alike.
Carefully you attach the samples to yourself, making sure they are in no harm's way before taking off.
You take off from the object that has held the whole span of your attention for days on end, your mind thinking of nothing but the success this sample will bring you. The young ones who will look at you with revere in their eyes, thinking you to be the second coming of the goddess you all have worshiped for the entirety of your life spans, but who still lives on in front of you.
At least that's how you see it.
It does not matter, you have what you came for, you will be revered, and it will make you loved, again one with your friends.
You return home quickly, expecting a warm welcome and loving arms of your comrades around you, thanking you for your contribution, instead you receive nothing.
Your rival who has always bested you at everything, every sample, every speed test, every defense of your home, has returned with a better sample, a better speed, a smarter defense.
One so close to you, you are not sure how you could have missed it!
You taste failure, again.
You approach the chamber of your mother, father, soul, and life giver, holding your pitiful example of a sample, which is taken and examined by the ones watching over your giver.
They are pleased with the sample, but not nearly as pleased as they were with that of your rival.
Many were killed in the attack, gave their own lives in defense of your home. Their only weapon being the only thing to keep them alive, once it is used, their lives are forfeit.
You wonder why your rival couldn't have defended against the beast better, as maybe that would mean your success today would garner more reward.
The rival smiles at you knowingly, reading the emotions playing across your face. Knowing what they are, but not what they feel like.
You feel nothing but unbridled rage toward him, and want nothing more than to see him in pain.
Without thinking, you are aloft and speeding towards him, multiple fists out ready for impact, but it never occurs.
He sees it coming, of course, and intercepts you. You are thrown into the far wall by his superior strength.
Your body aches from the impact, but you are given no time to recover.
The enemy is already on top of you, picking you up, readying to deliver a fatal blow into your abdomen.
It never hits, you defend yourself the only way your kind knows how, with your stinger.
As it sinks into his hardened flesh, you feel the poison react in his body, see him waiver and start to set you down, but that effect comes back both ways.
As you pull you're the stinger out, barely conscious, you are rewarded with the sight of your own vital organs attached to your one and only deadly weapon.
You don't even feel the coolness of the makeshift flooring beneath you, you can only blink and take your last breath as you watch your rival fall to the ground also, many crying around him.
The last thing you are able to see before your final pull of oxygen is feet of another of your kind, a friend, at least at one point. They collide with your head at once ending your life.
The fight was over as quickly as it started, everyone being greatly saddened by the loss of one of their strongest. The life giver, however, is not concerned. In fact the next young birthed nearly the next second she awards the title of the now deceased great one.
This young has now been doomed to a life of always being better, always on top, always pushing harder than those around him. Just like his forefather, his life will most likely end just as violently, as such will those of everyone surrounding him.
No one mourns over the weak one, the sample he was sent to collect was simply out of pity, everyone already knew his fate, and no one was surprised when it came to pass.
It is the Queen who decides who is worthwhile and who is worthless, he was worthless. Instead of a funeral his body will be fed to the newly birthed young, the head kept specifically for the one now granted title of better, faster, stronger.
Barely an hour old and he already owns a something more prized than that of which they produce for the white skinned animals, impervious to the attacks of their hordes.
Damn it sucks to be a bee.