A Word From Our Sponsor
: I've been downloading and listening to old timey radio shows for years now. They usually come with the commercials intact. The following advertisement is a pastiche of that style, presented as a Zootopia fanfic.
This story was originally a submission to FurAffinity's [url=https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thursdayprompt/Thursday Prompt[/url] writing group
A Word From Our Sponsor
By: DankeDonuts
https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/
The lightning bolts that decorating Brett Beaverton's circular microphone were burnished in faux-gold. He was the star of the show, after all. He got the very best of equipment, because he provided the very best of ratings. "You'll never get away with this, Doctor Demonicus!"
The audience crowded around their tube radios at home all over Zootopia would never know that the ruthless mad scientist was played by a tiny dormouse, for the operatic bass of his voice. "I already have, Star-Marshall Slade! And now, with the terrifying power of my Lava Ray, I shall bring all the worlds of the Solar Consortium to their knees!" Morton Mason's evil laugh thundered through the studio. "And if you dare stand in my way, I shall focus its destructive force on your fiancé, Honey Redhare!"
Porcine Pauline Pruitt screamed her very best horrified cry into her mic. Followed up by a suspenseful burst of organ music, provided by the production's one-gorilla-orchestra.
Now it was the announcer's time to shine. Jason Hartley. The buck leaned coolly into his own mic. "We'll return to Star-Marshall In The Seventh Stratosphere in just a moment, friends. But first, I'd like to ask you all a question. How you considered how you're going to relax after tonight's thrilling tale of adventure? Might I suggest you curl up in your favorite chair, with a good book and a cigarette plucked from a freshly opened pack of Looky Slims?"
Jason's cervine tenor lent an air of authority to his next words, and all of those that would follow. "Yes, Looky Slims! Made from only the best tobacco, hand picked in the fertile valleys of West Furginia. Why, that's my home state!" he added with a smile that could be sensed across the airwaves. Never mind that it was at least the fifth state he'd claimed as his home in his time as pitchman for this program.
With warm enthusiasm, he informed the audience that, "Lucky Slims are manufactured by the Osprey-Prelinger Company. And are guaranteed good to the last puff! And good for you! Why, not a day goes by where I don't come across someone passing by on the street with a Looky Slim in their hand. Every one with a smile on their face and a spark in their step!"
The show's gopher -- not an actual gopher, Tim was a hedgehog -- pulled away the used page of script the moment the last word left Jason's lips. Allowing him to read on without the slightest hint of interruption.
The deer laughed into the microphone, a good-natured chuckle. "But you don't have to take it from me, folks. I read to you now from a paper published by Doctor G.G. Morrison, in last month's issue of Medical Digest. He writes, 'As a long-time general practitioner in Tundratown, I see many patients in a given day, And a good many of those are smokers. The patients with the best results on their physicals always turn out to smoke the same brand. And the one that switch to it almost always show improvement on their next visit to my office. For promoting strong memory, calm nerves, and good oral hygiene, I recommend to all my patients who smoke that that they smoke Looky Slims'! Now doesn't that sound swell, folks?"
Oh, but that wasn't all! No sir-ee! "If you don't believe him, though, why don't you ask the residents of Sahara Square? Where sales of Looky Slims are up seven percent over this time last year! Thousands there have learned through experience that Looky Slims produce a smooth, even smoke that tickles the nostrils but never overwhelms them."
"Ask for Looky Slims by name at your local tobacconist. Or find them in the Where To Buy section of your classified telephone directory under the name Looky Slims!" From his horns to his hooves, Jason felt a tingle of satisfaction for another pitch well done. Brief as they were, his performances on behalf of the sponsor kept this series -- and all the joy it brought to millions of listeners -- alive. That was something worth taking pride in. No matter his own thoughts on the product he was boosting.
"Now, let's rejoin Star-Marshall Slade for the action-packed conclusion to Master Of The Magma Moles!"
Misty rolled her fingers across the organ keys once more. Escorting the audience back into the story.