Let it begin?
** I tried to sleep but it just wouldn't come. There was no comfort in the darkness that was around me, no pleasure in the thought of tomorrow; nothing was there but a hope for a dream to accrue and to grow into something. **
** I had gone over it more and more and nothing seem to come out good. I was a 5 foot 9 human with dirty blond hair that would hang loosely around my head. Cut short where it didn't even look attractive. I was attracted to other males and I couldn't do anything but music 100 percent. It's not even the kind of music that everyone liked, like pop, rock, or electric but choral choir music, band music, and music you'd see some one sing on stage, a real stage. I was counting myself a failure when finally sleep did come with its cold alluring darkness. I always did like the cold.**
** The next day started with a creak from a door a couple feet away from mine. It was my mom coming to wake me up for the first day of school. It was my freshman year. She never did like alarm clocks (even though she has one) cuz they wake up everyone in the house. And she was right cuz I woke up before she opened her door.**
She says to me "Joey its time to wake up," while opening my door. "I'm awake ma!" I say it a little harsher than I want.
"OKAY now hurry up or you'll be late!" She walks away. I start to feel bad but I shake it off and get up out of bed to get dressed. My cloths consist of tan baggy pants and a brown shirt. It's not the best choice but it's all I've got.
I head down stairs for breakfast and trip, luckily on the last step, landing hard on the hard tiled floor. Pain shot up my arm as I tried to brace my self for impact. I had never felt that much pain and I didn't think my arm would ever turn that purple. I began to black out as mom ran into the hall screaming "Joey!"
The jolt of a moving vehicle woke me or maybe it was my mom in tears near me. Man! She could never stops being so emotional. Ever since dad left mom forever began to cling to me. It had been three years and mom had been hurt so bad she clung to everyone that came into her life but mostly me.
I tried to sit up only to have more pain shoot up my arm again. "Huh!" mom moves to push me down, "No, Joey!! Stay down; you just broke your arm! You will need to sleep." I just lied back down and tried to fall asleep. Wow, great first day. I wonder what my friends will think. Oh wait, we moved from ** Alaska **** to some place in **** Wisconsin ***. I don't even know what the name of it is. I was hoping that when I wake I would be back home. But o well, I knew that wouldn't happen and just lay there. Sleep was starting to take me over and the pain was beginning to waver. The cold was even more comforting than before. Goodnight mom, ill see you at the hospital.*
** My eyes started to hurt with the invading light from outside and the bed wasn't all that comfortable either. I sat up with a groan and look down at my covered arm. I giggled a little thinking that I could get someone to write on it for me but who would I meet sitting in a hospital bed? That makes me laugh a little more. **
** My mom is sitting next to me asleep in a chair. Eyes are a little puffy but at least she's not crying. My heart goes out to her to see her in her state. Jobless, man less, alone and stuck with me. She must get lonely all the time. I try my hardest to keep her happy. But there's only so much I could do while in school and going through my own emotional problems. Also, my own sexual problems. **
** I hadn't really accepted my sexuality at first but I knew it had to be true... I couldn't feel the same or see the same thing that all my other guy friends told me about their girl experiences. Even if she was "mating practical", my brain didn't want to mate. It came so early that I hadn't even had my first kiss... I was in high school now. I lived in a secluded area in ALASKA TOO! Like, that helped. So by the time middle school came rolling round I knew I must have been homosexual or it could have been the other kids who would jeer at me for not getting a girlfriend the moment it was socially except able. **
** I moved the blankets out of the way and saw that I was still clothed in my pants but my chest was bare. I started to look down the length of my body and blush a little. I had some pudgy-ness to me but it was kind of adorable. Maybe. Also I had these huge scars, one parallel to my spine and another runs at like a 45 degree angle into the other one, from when my appendix had to be removed BUT before it got removed it perforated in which I had to stay a week for puss removal and recovery.... half the time I had a tube sticking out of my belly. It didn't hurt but it was strange. So my supposedly adorable belly had been morphed into a double bumped monster. I mean you could see it if you looked long enough.**
** Getting out of bed was easy, the standing up part.... not so easy. I was a little wobbly, probably from pain meds, and it was difficult to get my balance so I had to grab the arm of the chair my mom sat in. It was a swivel chair which as it moved proceeded to wake up my mom. She jumped to her feet in an instant almost knocking me over. I only didn't cuz she grab me. Than her mouth began to move and I couldn't hear a word.**
** What the hell? I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't talk. I started to shake and the look on my mom's face didn't look so good either or help. She put her hands on both my cheeks and forced me to look at her. She began to mouth something very slowly. CAN YOU HEAR ME? I didn't know how to answer. I just nodded wondering if that really answered question. Well it was enough for my mom. **
** She rushed out of the room taking with her, her purse and anything that I hadn't seen on a small table across the room next to the door. I sat back down and waited there in silence for a few moments, breathing, to banish the fear. Mom came back in with a female bear nurse. She immediately came over and began snapping her fingers in my ear. I could feel it but I couldn't hear it. I wasn't surprised at all, just a little afraid. **
** I never really was one for surprises. I never got excited for anything of the ordinary. Its not that I didn't have no emotion it's just that I didn't know what to feel. If my mom died I don't know what would happen to me. Ever since I was about maybe 10 and my mom would explain to me what guilt or hate or love felt like I would question it. "Is that really what it felt like?" When I got some present I didn't know really how to act so I acted how they wanted me to act. I still didn't understand what the emotion was. I just believed you had to find out for yourself. Nobody could really tell you. So it had to be really primal for me to feel it. I definitely knew what fear was.**
** The nurse, what I assumed her to be, frowned at me and began to talk but again I couldn't hear her. My mom started talking and tears were welling in her eyes. My heart wrenched. I didn't want her to cry. I jumped up, a little wobbly but fine, and grabbed moms purse out of her hands. As I rummaged through her stuff looking for paper I saw that this was the purse I bought her. How more gay could I get! I started to giggle. I froze... I could still laugh it seems... so I'm not completely mute or whatever. I guess it's that can't hear can't talk trade off. Well I finally found some paper the burly woman had left the room. She most likely went to go fetch a doctor.**
*The pen that's always comes with "mom papers," as I like to call them, was out of ink. I showed my mom it was out and she ran off to find one. *
** When my mom was off and about for a few seconds the nurse came back with a falcon in tow. The falcon (assumed doctor) pulled out a pen from one of his pockets and handed it to me seeing my issue with a lack of writing utensil. I wrote "What's wrong with me?" Mom decided to walk back in, pen in hand, and question said doctor. But he ignored her and grabbed my pen and pad and began to write. We all waited in what I thought was silence as the doctor wrote his verdict.**
** "I do not know. It seems you may be in a shocked state. I've never seen anything quite like it. Though there was a mouse girl who couldn't walk after her ears got pierced." It said. I laughed at that and wrote back, **
** "Did she keep the piercing?" The reply was "No." I laughed a little more.**
*"Can I go home or to school?" I asked looking at my mother who strained to see around the falcon. *
** The smile lines around his beak went up in, what I hoped was a smile. "You're taking this pretty easy for a kid your age." **
** "Yeah, well I don't really respond to surprises," was my response, "Oh and can I get my shirt back?"**
** We left the hospital an hour later. Apparently I had some sorta bodily phenomena that probably won't ever happen again but I wouldn't get my voice back till the next day. Somewhere in the middle of SCHOOL I would be able to speak. And I mostly likely wouldn't be able to hear till tomorrow morning. _I would have to go to school are speech impaired _I thought to myself in the car. _What would people think? 'What a freak he can't talk. And he's human!' _I sometimes hated being human. No one liked us because we're "week" but we have 'great thinking minds' my mom always says. She's probably right but I have yet to see me out smart my other class mates. 'You don't apply yourself enough Joseph! You need to apply yourself to your work and not the internet.' She could be a bother sometimes.**
** I didn't notice when we made it home and mom had to poke me in the arm. With writing pad in hand I stepped out of the car. Our house was a brownish tan color with a two stories. The lawn left of the car was plain and cut. Every other house was the same shape but with some trees in the lawn and maybe a garage or two. I inwardly sighed as I remembered the house we once lived in now looked like a mansion. **
** Mom was motioning me inside from the half open door which was also that same color as the house. I jogged over to her and she wouldn't move. She just stared at me. I offered her the pad and she took it, reaching into her pocket for the hospital pen that she kept. **
** "How are you?" She wrote with only a hint of the sadness on her face that the note expressed.**
*"Cold" was my reply as I pushed passed her into the house. Even though it was the end of the summer it was a little bit chilly. She came after me as I walked to my left into a kitchen with a small quaint table on the far left wall. We could pull it out if we wanted for guests but we were new to the residence so I doubted expectancy of any guest was zero for awhile. I must have been getting my hearing back because a heard a muffled "Jesus-" and "-shoes!" I quickly turned around to stare wide eyed at my mother. _I had heard her! _I thought. I ran over and hugged her then quickly took the pad from her and wrote "I kind of heard you!" *
** "Well that's great now take off your shoes." What a bother.**
*The night went good. And I feel asleep completely confident I had all my hearing ability back. Though there was a ringing in the back of my head but I didn't bother me at all and I couldn't hear it unless I closed my eyes and focused. I inwardly sighed and thought it must be my mom in my head yelling at me. Well can't really say that it's the best way to start the school year. Heh, whatever; goodnight world. *