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Andarria told me today that I have a memory problem.

I told her that she should go fuck herself, because I remember what needs to be remembered. She clearly does not agree, but I don't even know what I'm forgetting that's so important. Instead of hearing me out, she simply laughed at me, as she often does, and gave me this journal to better keep track of things. I don't know what I'm keeping track of, though. And what if I forget to write things down in the first place?

She's been saying she's preparing us for something, something big, and I'll need to be well-trained for it. "That includes your mind," she told me. "A sword without a skilled wielder is simply a blade."

Well, if wielding blades is what I am to do for her Plan, then it'd make more sense to be practicing that and not scribbling down my consciousness like a pretentious asshole. But as I always do when Andarria tells me to do things, I'm going along with it. It'll probably make sense later. These things usually do.

I suppose I'll practice remembering. That's what she asked me to do, after all. Sit with this parchment and Remember, so this Artifact will Remember for me as I get older. Or so future generations can learn from it. Or whatever.

So here I am, Remembering. She told me to think back as far as I possibly could, so I'll start from the beginning.

In the beginning, there was Nothing. Until there was Something. There's probably some super cryptic, flowery way to put that, but frankly, that's super boring. Perhaps that will serve to be intriguing enough as it is, to whoever is reading this. If anyone is reading this.

I came out of Something, which means I was once Nothing, but I don't remember being Nothing. No one does. Probably.

Eventually, Something happened, and entities started existing. The Cosmos birthed the Celestials. Chaos created Demons, which includes me, eventually. Or Chaos made me aware of my own existence. Andarria knows this stuff better than I do.

Out of the Cosmos came the Great Mother and Father mortals care about: Andresathos, the Lord of the Skies, and his Empress, Terriala. Together, they created Aefarell, the planet and realm for the living creatures. On Aefarell, they made Terriam to be a land for the mortals to live on, the Seas to traverse the planet through, and the Skies to serve as a gateway to the Cosmos and Creation Itself. They arrived into existence along with other creatures and also had many children. All the Immortal Star Beings are called the Celestials, and there's utterly far too many of them. I hear every Andresathi household has their own designated minor Celestial Guardian. Ridiculous.

I did not come from the Cosmos, thankfully, so their familial drama has little to do with me. I Emerged from Chaos, which makes me a Demon. I have no parents, no offspring. What we have instead are Mentors, Greater Demon Kings, Queens, and other Rulers who Emerged from Chaos before us. They guide us through our journey of existence until we can guide ourselves. My Mentor is the being who gave me this diary--Andarria, Queen of the Unseen.

Though Andarria says I do not, I know myself, I think. My name is Sethira. I'm female. In my most comfortable manifestation, I am tall, red haired, and have the fur, ears, and tail of my favorite mortal animal--the hyena. Andarria says that hyenas were made after me when I first Emerged from Chaos, but I can't remember that far back. Either way, we resemble each other, and I like that.

I wear the scars of my failures on my skin, just like a mortal would. I find it honest to be that way. After all, I am in the realm of Destruction, a warrior, and each scar is a lesson. It may seem odd for a Demon like myself to learn from Andarria, the Shadow Lady, but even secrets have a hidden blade of violence. Or that's what she says. What's important is that she can fight, and she teaches me something new every day. While I learn more straightforward combat from others--mortal and Demon alike--I learn subterfuge from Andarria. I learn to plan. We go over battle tactics over square boards, over skirmishes with shadows.

I'm about to be self-sufficient and to be "assigned" a realm of sorts, but Andarria thinks I won't be ready unless I work on my flaws-my memory being one of them. It's not that she wants me to be dependent on her-quite the opposite, really; for her Plan, she needs me separate from her.

I'm not the only one involved in this Plan, of course. I'm her only Mentee, but she has alliances, some of them more interesting than others.

The most interesting is the Fates. Mostly because they're terrifying.

The first Fate is a small elderly arachnoid woman named Arisella. She looks drastically different from most of the Demons, save for Death, the winged insect who feeds on the souls of the dead. Arisella has eight eyes, for starters, and lacks a maw like most of us do. Instead, she has what Andarria calls chelicerae, a set of fangs to puncture her victims and drink their fluids through her straw-like mouth underneath them. Her skin is fuzzy and black, though it glimmers in the light, and her white hair is tied in a bun. She has a spiderlike abdomen behind her, but I've never seen more than the shape of it. She's always swaddled in gossamer robes, their white iridescent fabric matching her milky, pupilless eyes and hair. She doesn't move much, leaving more agile tasks to her Mentee. Usually, she's huddled in a corner, spinning translucent, colorful silk between the six of her hands as she watches those around her. I saw her rip a thread with one of her claws once, and a man collapsed on the ground immediately. She's clearly not someone to be trifled with.

The younger Fate, Phaedra, is arachnoid like Arisella, but while I try not to look at Arisella, I can't stop staring at her. I don't know why. She's hardly beautiful, as she has the same eyes--red instead of white--and the same strange mouth and far too many arms. Her coloring is the same as Arisella's, though when I saw her hang upside-down once, I saw an hourglass shape on the underside of her abdomen. Her hair is black and waist-length, showing her youth. She's shorter than Arisella, but that hardly stops her. I saw her scuttle up a wall and around a ceiling the other day, so she's clearly far more agile than her Mentor. She also has all the same capabilities as Arisella.

The two of them "weave the web of reality," though I'm not sure what that means and if this is something they do together or separately. They're a mysterious pair. It doesn't help that I never know what they're saying, as neither of them speak. They are also both reportedly deaf, with Arisella being deafblind. They communicate with one another through their Webs, though I'm not sure what plucking the threads means. It makes a beautiful song, though its unintelligible to me and they can't actually hear the sounds, only feel their vibrations. Phaedra has been attempting to communicate with others through gestures, something Andarria refers to as "Handspeak." I'm not sure how Andarria knows this or understands her, but regardless, Andarria knows a few things and tells me Phaedra will eventually "usurp her Mentor."

"Will we all usurp each other?" I had asked, because that seemed like a fair question. I wanted to know what was expected of me.

I simply received a pat on the head. "No. We are not the same thing. But for creatures like Arisella and Phaedra, there ultimately can only be one."

She never spoke more on the issue, but I'm still interested in seeing what usurping a god looks like.

And what they know about the world.

About me.

The other very interesting ally is Liliana, Andarria's so-called sister. I'm not sure why they call each other sisters, as we lack biological parents and they seem to hate each other. And they look nothing alike; while Andarria is tall and Elven, Liliana is small and goatlike. There's probably a story there, but whenever Liliana starts to tell it, Andarria silences her.

Liliana is the Demon Lady of Love and Lust. She doesn't have a Mentor, nor does she have any Mentees. Andarria said she just stepped out of Chaos just as she is now and has remained unchanged since the Beginning, uninfluenced by anyone and uninterested in the prospect. Even so, she seems to be rather young for a Demon, probably Emerging around the same time as me.

"She's a symbol of all that is wrong with the world," Andarria never hesitates to remind me. "Perversion. Obsession. Love powerful enough to topple the grandest of empires. And her irrationality makes her the most dangerous out of all of us."

But she doesn't seem that dangerous.

She's actually really nice. Gentle, even though she's a notorious gossip and a little "shady," as Andarria would say. While I spend my days training, she spends hers writing stories and chatting with Demons and mortals. Both of these things seem to annoy Andarria, but Liliana seems oblivious to her ire.

I wish I could be that powerful.

She's also a very physical being. She touches my arm when she talks to me. She gives hugs as freely as she gives smiles. Her sweetness is a great contrast with her daunting appearance. It makes her mysterious, I think.

But as alluring as she is, she's not Phaedra, and this makes no sense to me. Phaedra is a walking horror, while Liliana is the embodiment of sexual attraction. Why can't I stop thinking about Phaedra, then?

"There will always be a marriage between Creation and Destruction," Andarria said to me once when she noticed me staring at Phaedra. "Just make sure you are not so distracted by Creation that you forget who you are."

I wasn't sure what she meant by "marriage," but it embarrassed me anyway. Was that what I felt for Phaedra? Romantic attraction? Regardless, Andarria's statement made me feel weak, and I should probably be mindful of how much I talk about Phaedra in here.

But I'm not weak! Andarria wouldn't have picked me as her Mentee if I was weak. She wouldn't've said I was about ready for my own Realm if I was weak.

So I'll keep writing in this and I'll keep Remembering. Andarria has invested a lot in me. I can't let her down.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in a field outside of the Arena I practice in. It's in the mortal world, but sometimes I like to pretend I'm one of them. They can't tell the difference. It's only a problem if I bleed; mortals bleed red, but I bleed black. It makes the stakes higher for me not to get hit, since they'll know on sight that they're fighting a Demon.

So far, I've only been caught once, and I'm banned from that Arena for life, however that works. I thought about destroying them, but I realized that would only prove their point: Demons are dangerous, and their influence should be far from mortals. If I am to inspire mortals, I need to tread carefully.

I planned on going back to train for a while, but I see Andarria on the other side of the field. Andarria always looks like an Elf, but her skin grey-violet instead of tan-to-brown like they usually are. However, when she sets foot in Aefarell, she donned a disguise to look like any other Elf. I'm not fooled, though. Her mannerisms are more visible than any disguise.

She says it's time. For what, I wonder? But I'll tell you when I come back.

I hope it's not the Meeting--

She's yelling at me. I'm putting this away now.