Not Gay Ch.3

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#3 of Not Gay


Bailey stares at the overflowing laundry hamper. It's the first time in his life he's ever seen it so full.

I can't believe I showed Cooper this mess...

It's been one of the longest days of his life. His weekend sleepover with his new bunny friend starts tomorrow, and the excitement is really starting to get to him. They spent all lunch today hanging out in the library, just chatting about their favourite video games, and then, when they got home, spent all afternoon playing those games online. But Cooper had to go and eat dinner, leaving Bailey alone and antsy, so he put that nervous energy to use and started cleaning his room.

Man, I've still gotta get stuff under my bed too.

I mean, do I really have to? It's not like Coop's gonna be looking under there...

But what if he does?

He sighs and gets on his hands and knees next to the bed, swinging his arm back and forth underneath, trying to sweep out any junk or lost clothes. When he's done, he stands up and looks at the floor. Three shirts, two pairs of underwear, a pair of pants, and who even knows how many socks.

My hamper does not have room for all this.

He chucks them onto the pile anyway. As he looks around his room once more, he remembers that a few weeks ago, he lost a sock in the crack between his wall and his bed, and never bothered to get it out.

How much have I lost down there?

He rolls onto his bed and slides toward the wall, but just as he does, there's a knock at the door.

"Come in!"

The door swings open, and in its place, there stands an Australian shepherd man, both as tall and as wide as the frame, with a huge grin on his face. "Hey, buckaroo!"

Man, I hope he doesn't call me that in front of Cooper... that's gotta be even worse than 'Coopie.'

"Well, would ya look at that. Mom's gotcha on janitor duty again?"

Bailey's fur bristles as an unexpected pang of embarrassment hits him. "No, Dad, I just... decided to clean it."

His dad's eyebrows bounce. "Well! Oh, right! Your new bun bud is comin' over next week, eh?"

Bailey shakes his head. "No, he's coming over tomorrow!"

Bun bud? ...I hope Dad just doesn't say anything to Cooper at all.

"Oh, right. It's Thursday, isn't it?" His dad puts his hands on his hips. "Well, keep up the good work, buck." He turns around and leaves the room, not closing the door behind him.

He's going to talk to Cooper, isn't he? And he's going to be weird to him, isn't he?

Bailey shakes his head, then sticks his arm into the crack, fishing around for any clothes that might have fallen in. His claw hooks on one, and he yanks it out and tosses it onto the floor. As he sticks his arm back in for another search, his mother's voice screeches out from the living room.

"He's doing what?!"

Bailey rolls his eyes as his arm continues wiggling between the bed and the wall, but a few moments later, he hears the voice again, this time much closer.

"Oh my god!"

Bailey yanks his arm out from behind the bed. "What, Mom?"

"You're... cleaning... your room!"

Bailey closes his eyes. "I just thought--"

"Damn, it's like you're inviting a girl over or something!"

The young dog's shoulders and chest tighten up. "What?" His voice is high pitched and defensive. "W-what's wrong with cleaning my room?"

Marcie throws her hands in the air. "Nothing! I'm just surprised! It's not like Cooper didn't see your mess already."

"Yeah, well," Bailey says, but fails to find a good ending to the sentence.

"I mean... you are doing a good job," she says as she looks around the room. Her gaze locks onto the laundry hamper. "Oh my god, Bailey. If you cleaned your room more often, this wouldn't happen!"

"Yes, I know," Bailey says, drawing out every word.

Why is she always like this? She's always bugging me to clean my room, and when I do, she puts on this big act and makes me feel stupid!

Marcie walks into the room and picks up the hamper. "You done with this?"

"I guess."

"Holy hell, how are clothes so heavy?" she says as she waddles out of the room, leaning back slightly as she braces the hamper against her torso.

Why do you have to be so annoying sometimes? I was doing fine. Everything was going great until you made a big fuss. There's probably still crap down there, but I don't even care anymore. Whatever.

He hops off his bed and back on to his computer chair. A notification pops up in the corner of his monitor, and his bad mood immediately evaporates.

Perfect timing!

'I'm back! Sorry I took so long. I was getting ready for tomorrow," the message says.

'oh no problem!'

'Yep, finished packing! Even packed an extra pair of pajamas, haha.'

"nice!"

Wait. Pajamas.

Oh crap.

I sleep in my underwear! There's no way I can sleep in my underwear when he's here! Do I even have any pajamas?

'brb'

Bailey groans, walks over to his dresser, and begins digging through it. He finds shirts, shorts, pants, underwear, socks... but no pajamas. However, as he rifles through his rarely-used bottom drawer, he finds a lone pair. He pulls them out and stares at them. They're black with a space theme, with lots of stars, tiny planets, blue UFOs, with a big red rocket ship on the left half of the shirt.bac

Where did this... oh, right! Grandma got these for me for my birthday like two years ago, and I don't think I wore them even once. They're so embarrassing! There's no way I can wear something like this in front of Coop. Do they even fit?

He walks over to his door and pokes his head around the corner, making sure no one is watching. With a leap, he jumps into the washroom and takes his shirt off, then slides the top on, the thin sleeves clinging to his arms as he tries to button the shirt up. He gets the top three buttons fastened before the tightness around his shoulders becomes too uncomfortable. He stares at himself in the mirror, the bottom of the shirt splayed open around his belly.

This makes me look even fatter than I am...

He looks at the pants.

Yeah, no chance. I don't need to see how bad that looks.

With a big sigh, he takes off the shirt and puts his other one back on.

I wonder if Mom still donates all my old clothes to charity...

He walks into the living room and hands his mother the clothes. "These don't fit me."

"Oh, good." She looks down at the pajamas and snickers. "Where did you find these?"

Bailey looks away. "I think grandma--"

"Oh, right, right, right. I totally forgot about these. I never saw you wear them." She unfolds the shirt and snorts when she sees the rocket, then covers her mouth.

Bailey turns his head. "What's so funny?"

Marcie shakes her head and waves her hand. "Nothing, nothing. Are these clean?" she says, her voice still shaking a little.

Okay, it's embarrassing, but it's not that embarrassing, is it?

"Uh, they were sitting in a drawer for two years..."

"Okay, okay, okay--"

Seriously, what's so funny?

"I'll... get these washed and drop them off. Anything else?"

"N-no..." Bailey says as he walks back toward his room, feeling like there's a joke he's not in on.

"Didn't she look at these before buying them?" he hears his mother say as he rounds the corner and falls backwards onto his bed. Before he can think about it any further, his thoughts whip back to his predicament.

Okay, okay, I'll... I'll figure something out.

He pushes himself to his feet and sits back in front of his computer. Nothing interesting happens for the rest of the evening. He spends most of his time being a useless lump in front of his monitor, idly browsing websites and chatting with his friends, Cooper included. Eventually, he yawns just a few too many times in a row, and decides, despite his anxious energy, that it's time to go to sleep. After saying his good nights and brushing his teeth, he stands next to his bed, pulling his shirt off.

Oh crap, I never did figure something out...

I mean, I can just sleep in my clothes, right? Lots of people do that. I used to do that!

Ah, but my fur is so much longer now... it gets all itchy at night...

But I can't just... take my pants off!

Can I? I mean, he'd be sleeping on the couch, right? It's not like we're gonna share a bed or anything, right?

The thought makes his stomach tense.

Y-yeah. Yeah! It'll be fine. He won't see a thing.

His eyes grow heavier and heavier as his anxiety disperses, satisfied with his reasoning. Cooper would just sleep on the couch, and never see Bailey without his clothes on. No problem! No problem...

That is his last thought before his world fades to dark.

--

Bailey has been staring at the clock on the biology classroom wall for approximately five hundred million years.

Mr. Basney's ecstatic gesticulations are not enough to keep his mind off the excitement of his first ever sleepover with his new best friend.

Just a friend.

As the minute hand crawls over the '11,' he sighs and manages to peel his eyes off it just long enough to look at the teacher.

"And of course, the whole thing can't work without decomposers! As you should have learned in elementary school, decomposers--"

Bailey's eyes slide back to the clock. The second hand seems to be going slower with each tick. Sometimes, it seems like it stops, or even goes backwards. He looks at Cooper, who is sitting up and staring intently at the teacher, just as he always does.

How can he be so calm? All lunch, he kept talking about how excited he was for the sleepover, but he sure doesn't look like it!

Okay, no, Bailey, you're overthinking it. It's not like you look antsy either, right?

He looks at the clock again.

How hasn't it moved at all?!

He sighs quietly and puts his head on his desk. Every word the teacher says goes in one ear and out the other without stopping off at the brain. He wants to check the clock again, but he resists.

Maybe it's my eyes that are slowing it down.

He begins counting to himself.

Time can't stop if I'm the one making it go forward!

And it works! The bell rings as he reaches thirty-four.

"Wow, really?" Mr. Basney says, his head swinging toward the clock. "Wow, that just flew by!"

Speak for yourself, man.

"Alright, everyone. Homework's on the board in the usual spot. Enjoy your weekend!"

Bailey stands up and stretches, arms extending toward the ceiling as he stands on his tiptoes.

"Don't tell me you're tired! We have stuff to do today!" Cooper says from behind.

Bailey swivels around on his heels and looks down at the rabbit, who is packing his books into his bag. "I'm wide awake!" Bailey says. Almost immediately, his body contradicts him as he lets out a big yawn.

Cooper giggles as he stands up. "So why are you yawning?"

Okay, okay, I'm a little tired. But my energy's coming back. I swear!

"Uhh, guess I was just bored?"

"Yeah, I guess decomposition isn't the most exciting thing."

Oh, is that what the lesson was about?

The boys walk out of the classroom and toward their lockers, chatting along the way. When they get there, Cooper swings open his locker and pulls a shopping bag out. Bailey peers in, seeing mostly folded clothes inside of it.

Not sure what I expected...

"Okay, your mom should be here, right?"

"Yup! Let's go."

The two head into the parking lot, and as always, Bailey's mom is parked at the very edge of it.

"Would it kill her to park a little closer?"

Cooper laughs, and the two make their way to the car.

Marcie greets them as they get in. "Good to see you again, Cooper."

"Hello, Marcie. Thank you again for letting me stay over this weekend."

Marcie chuckles. "Why can't you be that polite, Bailey?"

"Come on, Mom!"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Sort of. Alright, let's go."

Bailey looks at Cooper as his mom pulls out of the parking lot. The two make eye contact for a moment before the bunny looks down and away, the corners of his mouth curled into a sheepish smile.

The drive back is uneventful, and when they get home, Bailey and Cooper hop out of the car. As they walk up the steps, Marcie rolls down her window.

"Oh, Bailey?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going into the city for some grocery shopping. Your dad should be home soon."

"Okay! Be safe!"

Just me and Cooper for a bit!

...That doesn't change things, Bailey. Don't be weird.

Bailey holds the door open for Cooper as they walk inside. After kicking off their shoes, they go straight to his room.

"Oh, hey, you cleaned up!" Cooper says.

The comment embarrasses Bailey more than he expects it to. Sure, he wants Cooper to notice, but hearing him actually say it out loud...

Oh, so he did notice how messy it was.

"Um, yeah," Bailey says, scratching the back of his ear.

Cooper sets his bag down. "It looks nice!"

They get settled in and do what teenage boys like to do best: play video games.

This is so much better than playing online.

Just as they really get into it, a voice echoes out from the front of the house. Even through his closed door, Bailey hears it clearly.

"Where are those boys?"

Bailey smiles. "Looks like my dad's home." His grin disappears as he looks at Cooper. The rabbit's eyes have grown wide, and he seems to be recoiling toward the wall. "Hey, what's up?"

"I--"

There's a loud knock at the door. "Hello? Anyone in there?"

Cooper's whole body jolts, but he stops and shakes his head. "N-no, I'm fine."

"Y-yeah, come on in," Bailey says, much more tentatively than he usually would.

It's just Dad, Coop... what's wrong?

The door flies open and Bailey's tall, heavyset father ducks under the doorframe, his voice booming. "Hey, buckaroo--"

I knew he was going to say that...

"--Mom's gone off to the city to do some shopping, so it's just you, me, and..." His eyes glide over to Cooper. "What's your name, bud?"

Bailey looks back at the bunny, who leans back with each step his father takes toward him.

"C-Cooper, sir," the rabbit says, his voice a noticeably higher pitch than it was moments ago.

"Cooper! Put it there!" Bailey's dad says as he thrusts a paw forward.

The rabbit squeaks and pulls his arms close to his body, his hands balled into fists in front of his face. "Sorry!"

Bailey's dad quiets down and drops his big act. "Whoa, whoa, hey, buddy. Everything okay?"

Why are you reacting like this, Coop? He's not going to hurt you!

Cooper exhales hard, his cheeks puffing out as he lowers his hands. "Y-yes, sir. Sorry, sir, you just... startled me."

Bailey's dad kneels next to the bed, his knees cracking as he gets low to the ground. "I'm sorry, Cooper. I didn't mean to scare you. And please, there's no need for any of that 'sir' stuff. Call me Daniel, or Dan, if you prefer that."

"O-oh, okay, Dan," Cooper says, his voice dropping back to its normal pitch. "I'm sorry for, um, all that."

"No, no, it's quite okay. I know that sometimes my personality can be the biggest part of me, and, well..."

His belly visibly wobbles as he slaps it with both hands.

"My body's pretty dang big, isn't it?"

Cooper giggles softly. "Is Bailey going to get as big as you?"

Whew... I'm glad he's feeling--hey, wait!

"I hope not!" Bailey says, a slight smile returning to his face.

Dan gives him a flat stare, then looks back at Cooper. "I think he gets his size from his mother. Anyway... how about a high-five?" He raises his paw again, this time slowly, keeping it close to his body.

Cooper shoots his arm forward in an awkward, jerky motion. The impact is silent as the rabbit's soft, fuzz-covered hand smacks the large dog's paw.

Dan grins widely, his long tongue dangling out of the front of his mouth. "There ya go! Well, I've harassed you boys enough. I'll get outta your fur." He pushes himself slowly to his feet, grunting as he gets upright. "I am too damn big to be doin' that..."

"S-sorry," Cooper says, looking away.

"Not your fault!" Dan says. "Not your fault." His voice is much quieter the second time. "Take it easy, boys." As Dan closes the door behind him, Bailey looks over at Cooper, who closes his eyes and puts his head in his hands.

"Coop..."

Cooper shakes his head, his forehead sliding back and forth in his palms. "That... I'm so..."

I don't know what to do...

While his mind searches for an answer, his instincts take over. He sidles next to the stressed bunny and wraps his arms all the way around him. He feels the lop's plush fur against his own fluffy body and he pulls himself close to his friend. His chest pushes into the taller rabbit's arm, and he rests his head against Cooper's shoulder as his canine fingers knead his friend's side. Warmth spreads through him as his sensitive nose picks up on the rabbit's scent. He doesn't smell like anything in particular; he just smells like Cooper. And something about that just feels so right.

"Bailey?"

With one word, it all crashes into the ground. Bailey jerks his whole body away from Cooper and leans back, his shoulders pulling as far away as they can.

"Sorry! I just, I thought that, I'm not--"

Cooper looks away and puts a hand up. "No, it's fine, Bailey. I... thank you"

What am I doing?! Why did I do that?! He probably thinks I'm gay now or something! Oh no, he probably thinks I'm into him or something!

Well, you are.

Shut up!

Unlike most of his thoughts, the words ring in Bailey's ears.

"What?" Cooper says, his head twisting back around to Bailey, his ear smacking his own cheek as it swings around. "I... what did I say?"

Bailey's throat plummets into his stomach as realization sets in. His face, if it wasn't a mask of horror before, sure is now. His ears pull back and his eyes go wide as he looks at the hurt, sad expression on Cooper's face. He opens his mouth to say something, but his jaw gets stuck; his throat closes up.

"I'm sorry..." Cooper says, his voice getting quiet. His whole body seems to be shrinking.

Bailey can't even scold himself. His mind is full of static, unable to think coherent thoughts. He opens his mouth again, but still nothing comes out. His whole body boils as anxiety cooks him, and his maw opens up as he starts panting noisily.

Cooper's face, still looking hurt, seems to shift subtly. It's a look Bailey recognizes, even as his mind races; it's the same as when he busted up his nose.

"Are you okay, Bailey?"

Bailey puts his paw on his forehead, trying to stop the spinning. He shakes his head and slams his eyes shut.

Ow... I... I...

"I'll... I'll go get your dad," Cooper says as he springs out of the room and starts shouting. "Dan?"

Bailey's thoughts slowly come back to him, and he hops off his bed. His legs feel motorized as he paces back and forth.

What's happening to me? Why am I... panting so much? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that? Why did I do that?

He manages to stop long enough to look at himself in his mirror. His tongue dangles out of his mouth, tip curled, shaking so fast that it's more of a vibration. He rubs his paw against his forehead again as a wave of nausea hits him.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths, Bailey.

But he can't follow his own advice. His chest quakes as he hyperventilates, unable to take more than the shallowest of breaths. As he sits back on the edge of his bed, Dan marches around the corner and into his room.

"Bailey? You feeling alright?"

The presence of his father seems to calm him just enough that he can speak again. "I... don't know." There is no voice. Just breathy words.

"Do you need to go to the doctor?"

A weird, sputtery laugh tumbles out of Bailey's throat. "You sound... like mom."

"You were fine just a minute ago! What happened?"

Bailey looks up at his father. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Cooper tiptoeing around the big dog. He sees the look on his friend's face, and his stomach twists even tighter.

He looks so terrified... I did this to him... it was my fault...

"I don't know..."

It's a lie, but not as much as Bailey thinks. He doesn't know why Cooper reacted to his father the way he did. He doesn't know why he blurted out his thoughts. He doesn't know why his body is melting down like this. He does know one thing, though.

I gotta apologize... just... not in front of Dad.

"I think I'm feeling better... I just suddenly felt really... scared." His voice cracks on the last word.

His dad closes his eyes and tilts his head back. "Ah, shit."

Cooper continues creeping around. "What's wrong? Is he going to be okay?"

Dan looks at Bailey. "Shaking? Panting? Dizzy?"

Bailey nods. "Yeah, all that..."

"Trouble breathing? Feeling sick?"

"Yeah..."

"Damn it. I was hoping you wouldn't get 'em," Dan says.

Cooper's voice quavers. "Get what? What's wrong with Bailey?"

Dan looks back at the bunny and smiles. "He'll be fine. I think he's had a panic attack. I..." He sighs. "I got them a lot when I was a boy. Still do, occasionally. Sometimes you just feel really scared. Like you're gonna die. Sometimes, you have a reason, but sometimes, they just come out of nowhere."

Oh, I have a reason.

Bailey glances over at Cooper, and their eyes meet. No words are exchanged, but he feels like there's an understanding. A psychic communication.

"They can go away real quick, or sometimes they can last for hours."

Bailey shakes his head. "I... I think I'm fine now, Dad." Not exactly true. He's still shaking, but for a very different reason now.

Dan nods. "If you think you're feeling better, then you probably are. Sounds like you had just a short one." He turns to Cooper. "Hey, bud, I'm really sorry you had to see this. I hope you don't think that he's--"

"No, no! Not at all!"

Dan takes a deep breath. "Do you get panic attacks too, um... shit, I've already forgotten your name."

"Cooper, sir."

Dan scrunches up his face. "Cooper, right. Sorry." He laughs. "It took me a week to remember Marcie's name. No offense, but you have no chance."

The boys giggle, then Cooper sighs.

"Um, I don't know... I know what it's... I-I definitely..."

Dan slowly raises a hand. "It's okay, Cooper. You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

Cooper groans quietly. "But-but I don't think either of you are screwed up or anything like that!"

Dan smiles. "You seem like a sweet and smart kid. Your parents raised you well."

Cooper's shoulders sag and his voice gets quiet. "O-oh. Thanks..."

"Well, come and get me if anything else happens, alright?" Dan steps out of the room, but then leans back around the door with a big grin and wags a finger at Cooper. "Oh, and none of that 'sir' stuff, remember?"

And then he's gone, leaving the two boys to think about what just happened.

And boy, does Bailey ever think.

It was all going so well, and then I had to go and screw it all up. Totally wrecked it. Totally, completely wrecked it. I'm such a loser... I don't deserve friends. I'm just a fat, stupid, ugly idiot who always screws it up. Cooper'd be out the door by now if he lived in town! And I'd deserve it, for being a--

"Why did you tell me to shut up?"

The soft, scared voice of Cooper snaps the young dog out of his ruminating. His priorities jerk violently: he has to make his friend feel better.

"I... I didn't. I mean, I said it, but I wasn't... I didn't..."

Cooper closes his eyes. "I'm so confused... one moment you're giving me a really nice hug, and then you're telling me to shut up?"

Bailey shakes his head. Anxiety percolates in his stomach again. "No, no, Coop... it's not like that. I--"

Wait, what?

Bailey pushes his palms into his eyelids and rubs them around. "I was just... thinking to myself. And I... ugh, it's so dumb. I was telling myself to shut up, and I... I just blurted it out."

'Really nice hug?'

Cooper's mouth pulls to one side of his face. "Mmmm..."

Did he... did he like it?

Bailey stares directly into Cooper's eyes. Never before in his life has he ever wanted someone to believe him as much as he does right now. "Cooper, it's the truth. I swear. I... talk to myself in my head. I do it all the time. Whole conversations, both sides, like a crazy person. I know, it's stupid, but--"

It sounds even dumber when I say it out loud... and it already sounded really, really dumb in my head.

But Cooper giggles. "Really?" He shakes his head. "I actually think that's kinda cu--er, cool."

Bailey's whole body goes very cold. Or maybe it's very hot. It hits him so suddenly that he can't tell.

I... I must have heard that wrong. Yeah, my head's all messed up right now, and I heard it wrong.

Cooper visibly swallows. "Um, well, anyway... why were you telling yourself to shut up?"

Bailey locks up again.

I don't want to lie to him... but I obviously can't tell him the truth, can I?

"Uh... I was... mad at myself."

Cooper looks at the floor. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong..."

"I... shouldn't have touched you without asking."

It's not a lie. I didn't say that's why I was mad.

Cooper's ears pop up. "Oh! That's... well..."

"But then you... you said you liked it when I hugged you?"

Cooper groans and covers his face with both paws. "I did?"

He did, didn't he? I'm not imagining that, am I?

"Uh... I think so..."

Cooper's hands slide down the sides of his face, pulling his cheeks down with them. "I've never really been hugged or kissed or anything like that..."

Kissed?! I'm not going to kiss you!

But you totally would if he asked.

Bailey clenches his jaw and holds his breath.

Shut up!

"I just didn't expect it to make me feel so much better. Your hugs feel really nice." Cooper shakes his head. His voice suddenly gets low and raspy. "Sorry, I'll stop saying gross freak shit."

The words smack Bailey in the face like a snapped towel. His mouth acts before his brain, and he barks a response. "Don't say that! It feels really nice to hug you!"

The regret is instant, and he slams his paws over his muzzle.

Cooper turns his whole body and stares at Bailey. His eyes are wide, but in a different way than before. It's not fear or sadness on his face... but Bailey can't tell what it is. Not that he can think straight. In fact, all he can think is...

Gay. He thinks I'm gay. He totally thinks I'm gay. There's no way doesn't think I'm gay. But I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

"I'm not--"

The words get lost into his hands as he stares at the rabbit. The edges of Cooper's mouth had curled into a slight smile and his feet were rocking his feet back and forth. And his nose. It's wiggling again.

Wait... I just realized... his nose hasn't been moving since Dad got home.

And it's wiggling now.

Maybe he didn't think what I said was so gay?

Or maybe he's... no. No, no, that's--

"Um... Bailey?"

A muffled sound comes out. Bailey realizes that he's still squeezing his snout, and he lets it go. "Y-yeah?"

"Thanks for, um... thanks for trying to make me feel better."

Bailey leans back, a little bit of the anxiety draining away. But just a little. He tries to change the subject. "You didn't actually think my dad was gonna hurt you, did you?"

Cooper sucks in a lungful of air. "He was just... very loud. And shouting. That... that scares me."

"Oh..."

Why? Why does it scare you so much?

That's what I want to ask, anyway. But... no. I can tell that something's really hurting him, but... I don't know what to do about that! I've already screwed up big time once today, and I don't need to do it again.

"But your dad's actually really nice."

"Yeah... yeah, I guess he is. He's pretty embarrassing sometimes, but... he's always got my back."

Doesn't yours?

Cooper closes his eyes and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

Oh, Coop...

The two sit in awkward silence for a few seconds, but to Bailey, it feels a lot longer. Something's up. Something bad. He wants to make it better, but how?

I'm just a kid. What can I do?

He falls backward on his bed. "Do you... wanna play some games or something?"

Cooper laughs. "Yeah, I'm done being a big downer."

"You're the downer? You're not the one who had a... what did Dad call it again?"

"A panic attack. It's okay, though! Really! I'm the one who got freaked out over nothing in the first place."

Bailey sits back up and locks eyes with Cooper. There's just something about the gentle smile on the young rabbit's face that ignites the kindling desire inside of him.

He just looks so friendly... so welcoming... so cute.

And for some reason, the thought doesn't scare Bailey like it had before. Their shared moments of vulnerability only makes him feel closer to Cooper. And he wants to get physically closer again, too...

Cooper tilts his head, his long ear dangling next to his shoulder. "Hm?"

"Huh? Did I say something again?" Bailey says.

Cooper giggles. "No... but you are staring."

I think his giggles are my favourite sound in the world...

"Oh, just... just thinking again."

"Having another conversation with yourself?"

"No, actually. Umm... Coop?" Bailey's voice gets quiet again.

Please don't hurt me, please...

"Can I... can I hug you again?"

The rabbit quickly looks away. Bailey's chest jolts.

But... but...

Cooper sighs and takes a deep breath. "Only if... uh," Cooper says, before mumbling something under his breath.

"S-Sorry, only if what?"

Cooper groans and rubs the wide bridge of his nose. He speaks just loudly enough for Bailey to hear. "Only if I can hug you too."

Bailey's chest jolts again, but in a very, very different way. His breathing speeds up. His heart speeds up. A shaky "s-sure" escapes his mouth.

Holy crap holy crap holy crap.

Cooper looks at Bailey out of the corner of his eye, the edge of his mouth curling just enough to give the impression of a smile. He twists his body toward the dog. "O-okay... um..."

Holy holy holy holy holy holy--

The excitement is too much for the puppy to handle, and he falls into Cooper, throwing his arms around him.

"Whoa!" Cooper says as he catches his friend.

Bailey slides his hands up and down his friend's back as he rubs his forehead against the taller rabbit's shoulder. Cooper holds Bailey tight as one of his soft paws caress a folded ear. Bailey's tail whips back and forth like an exuberant artist's paintbrush as his friend's fuzzy fingers tickle the back of his ear. He takes a deep breath, taking in every last bit of the bunny's scent, and it sends his body's hormones into a frenzy. What isn't tingling is burning. What isn't burning is shaking. It takes all of his willpower to keep his tongue from dangling out of the side of his mouth. They hold each other for what feels like forever, yet not long enough. He is in paradise.

He's so warm... he's so soft... please, don't let me go, Coop...

Unfortunately for Bailey, Cooper can't read his mind, and a few moments later, the rabbit moves his hands off his friend's head and gently pulls back, then looks away.

Wow... I'm... I'm...

I think I'm in love.

With a boy.

But... how? I'm not gay... I'm not!

But it felt so right. If it's gay to feel that way, then...

"Um... uh... anyway," Cooper says, his voice shaking. "W-wanna get back to the game?"

Bailey hears Cooper's voice, but the meaning doesn't get through.

He's so happy. He's so excited.

He's so confused. He's so scared.

"Bailey?"

The dog blinks. His eyes refocus, and he gazes at his friend. It's still Cooper. Nothing's changed. And yet, something seems... different. Just looking at him makes his heart flutter and his breath quicken. It's almost like he has a reason to live that wasn't there before.

"U-uh, Bailey? Your tongue's..."

That gets through. Almost reflexively, Bailey reaches up and scoops his tongue back into his mouth. Cooper snorts and snickers as he slams a paw over his mouth, and Bailey immediately falls over and buries his head in the blanket, shame hitting him like a truck. His muffled voice fills the room. "Nothing!"

And then, laughter. Soft, gentle laughter, as the bunny cracks up. But it doesn't feel like he's laughing at Bailey. The dog chuckles too, half nervously, half genuinely, as he slowly pushes himself upright. Cooper looks at him, his smile wide and his cheeks puffed out.

"You're so funny, Bailey..."

How is he so perfect?

Bailey shrugs and leans over, picking up a game controller. "T-thanks."

The rest of the day goes much more smoothly. Marcie comes home, they all have dinner together, and the boys spend the rest of the evening watching a comedy movie, laughing together the whole time. But Bailey quite can't shake this new feeling. His arms feel empty, and he knows that it's because there's no bunny in them. His ears, perfectly fine just hours ago, tingle with the need for touch. But time marches on all the same, and eventually, the sun goes down and their bodies grow weary. They agree that it's time for bed, and Cooper disappears into the washroom with his bag of clothes, then comes back a few minutes later, wearing a pair of navy blue pajamas.

He looks so cute in those...

Cooper yawns. "Okay, um... well, good night, Bailey. See you in the morning."

"Night, Coop," Bailey says as he watches him walk out of the room.

Wow, a lot of his tail sticks out of those pants...

I wonder if it's as soft as the rest of him.

He shudders at the thought. Another confusing feeling. He shakes his head.

I just need to go to sleep.

After brushing his own teeth, Bailey locks the door behind him, takes off everything but his underwear, and slides under the cover.

It's so empty in here... empty in my room... empty under my blankets...

I wish we could sleep next to each other...

But he's more tired than he realizes. Before he has time to ruminate, or, worse, fantasize, he begins drifting in and out of liminal space, feeling his emotions without thoughts, before the night claims him at last.

But he would not get much sleep tonight.