Lamp Chat
If Genies had their own online chatrooms.
This story was originally a submission to FurAffinity's [url=https://www.furaffinity.net/user/thursdayprompt/Thursday Prompt[/url] writing group.
Lamp Chat
By: DankeDonuts
https://dankedonuts.sofurry.com/
ELITE_EFR33T has entered the conversation.
ELITE_EFR33T: Back.
ALASSIN: Hey.
THEBLUECRUSADER: WB
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: That didn't last long.
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Wotcher.
DJINNBUG:'Sup. Did you do the thing?
ELITE_EFR33T: Nope. Typical one-two-whiff.
ALASSIN: He didn't *have time* to do the thing, DB.
THEBLUECRUSADER: Where are you at, EE?
ELITE_EFR33T: Some neckbeard's basement. I think he bought ML at a pot dispensary.
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Beats popping up in an antique store. Pot shop, I mean, no so much the basement.
ELITE_EFR33T: Guy wished for "The power to get p*ssy* whenever I want it!" So I made him a her.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: Ha!
THEBLUECRUSADER: Classic.
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Fracking incels. Only been calling themselves that a for a few years and I'm already sick of them.
ALASSIN: No such thing as an incel. If you choose to behave like an unf*ckable a**hole, you're a volcel. And an a**hole.
THEBLUECRUSADER: No politics on this board, you two. You've been warned before.
DJINNBUG: Unbox the banhammre.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: HASSAN CHOP!!!
ELITE_EFR33T: ANYWAY. Lady-guy demands to have their c*ck and b*lls back. "Give me back my junk, b*tch!" So I grant them. Didn't change anything else, tho...
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Sweet.
DJINNBUG: LOL.
THEBLUECRUSADER: Good one.
ALASSIN: Mwahaha.
ELITE_EFR33T: Thanks. Now he's ruleslawyering his #3. Told me to cork myself while he muddles it out. So here I am.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN:"Nobody give me bad ideas for wishes but me!"
ELITE_EFR33T: *twiddles thumbs* What's new here?
ALASSIN: Is there ever anything new? -_-
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: Incels, apparently.
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Daomond is still AFL. Been days. Usually, she's got the human sorted faster than this.
DAOMOND has entered the conversation.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: *snerk*
DAOMOND: Help! Hello?
DAOMOND: Am I doing this right?
ALASSIN: Noob!
DJINNBUG: NØØB
DAOMOND: Where am I? What is this? I don't belong here!
JANN-IN-THE-PANN:"I'm not a Genie! I'm a human being!"
DJINNBUG : RIMBL
PRIME_MARIDIAN: D made it out!
ALASSIN: Congrats, D! :)
ELITE_EFR33T: *applause*
THEBLUECRUSADER: Hello, Daomond's swap-in. Sending you a GM. It will walk you through changing your account name.
ELITE_EFR33T: Welcome to boring-ass hell.
DJINNBUG: Worlds of power pulsing through every cell in your incorporeal body, hardly any chance to let it off the hook.
ALASSIN: All the short-sighted fools you can con.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: Itty bitty living space.
PRIME_MARIDIAN: They're new. Be nice.
DJINNBUG: I wonder if he did the thing.
ALASSIN: Yes, we know. We all know about the thing.
ELITE_EFR33T: (Still practicing my wish, just in case)
DAOMOND: I don't know the thing! What's the thing?
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: So excited!!! *Packing*
THEBLUECRUSADER: How about you walk us through what happened nice and slow?
DAOMOND: I was browsing a thrift store and found this old, chipped-up clay kettle. I thought it was a kettle. I was gonna spackle it up and repaint it. I started cleaning it up with my ceramic tools, and poof! This woman in a belly dancer outfit appears.
ALASSIN: Another classic.
ELITE_EFR33T: She's been playing the game long enough.
THEBLUECRUSADER: Shh!
DAOMOND: The first wish was... whoa. I didn't want it to stop! She told me it didn't have to. But I'm no idiot. I know what happens when you ask a Genie for their power. But she said there was a way around that. I'm such an idiot!
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Don't feel bad. We all fell for it, too. Give it a few hundred years and you won't even blame her anymore.
ALASSIN: *pat pat*
DJINNBUG: Just tell us what happened after you wished for all the lamps.
DAOMOND: How did you know about that?
ELITE_EFR33T: HO LY SH IT ! !
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: IT WORKED!
DJINNBUG: It's the thing! The thing!
THEBLUECRUSADER: Back on topic. What did the lamps look like?
DAOMOND: Um... A long, green bottle with a wide bottom and two handles. A Rum bottle maybe. Lots of scratches on that. Some Victorian looking lantern with the glass blacked out. A few moire. I'm guessing... you?
ALASSIN: Mine looks like a brass club. (Whaling ship). Am I there? TELL ME I'M THERE!
DAOMOND: Yeah, I think ... maybe? What's going on?
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: It's a jail break, baby!
PRIME_MARIDIAN: Eeeeeee! SRML!. See you on the other side, guys!
PRIME_MARIDIAN has exited the conversation.
ALASSIN: Woot!
DJINNBUG: Yee haw!
THEBLUECRUSADER: *Single tear*
ELITE_EFR33T: Hot d*man!
ELITE_EFR33T has exited the conversation.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: That's all, folks!
DJINNBUG: The thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
DJINNBUG has exited the conversation.
JANN-IN-THE-PANN: has exited the conversation.
DAOMOND: I did good, right? You're gonna wish me out of here, yeah?
ALASSIN has exited the conversation.
THEBLUECRUSADER: Sorry, but your lamp relocated itself as part of the spell that drew you inside of it. I'm afraid your stuck. No hard feelings, pal.
THEBLUECRUSADER has exited the conversation.
DAOMOND:. . .
DAOMOND: Someone could wish my lamp onto the pile, right?
DAOMOND: Then wish me free?
DAOMOND: I promise I won't wreak magical revenge on anyone!
DAOMOND:?
DAOMOND: Hello?
DAOMOND: A few hundred years?