FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Collin arrived back at his apartment late again. Garret and Reese were still up though. Reese was sitting up on the couch playing a World War II themed first person shooter while Garret was in his room with the light on, presumably studying.

Reese glanced up and gave Collin an acknowledging nod and a "Sup." The ferret added, "You got mail on the table."

The dining room table which was used less for meals and more for holding all kinds of paperwork or whatever miniatures Garret happened to be working on that week. It was always a mess. Collin went to the fresh stack of mail on the edge of the table and felt his heart drop a bit. He always felt a soft tremor anxiety when he received any mail but there was always a small optimistic part of him that hoped it would be a belated birthday card (maybe even with some cash or a check in it).

The envelope was in fact the opposite of that. A long, white rectangle with foreboding authority. He opened it and looked it over.

"Welp...I'm now three months overdue on student loans."

"That sucks bro," Reese said, his eyes fixated on his game. "FUCK!"

"It says something about sending it off to a collection agency..." Collin gave a sigh and plopped his butt down on the other side of the couch. "I'm gonna have to get a second job, I think."

"You could also try to apply for one of those...what are they called...Shit! Some asshole just sniped me...Um, I think they're called something like 'economic hardship or income based repayment plans'?"

Collin nodded but instinctively thought to himself that he wasn't going to do that. Applying for something that he didn't fully understand just sounded like more work. Almost like a reflex, his mind told him he'd be better off chilling on the beach than worrying about his loans. Like self preservation for the interminably lazy.

"You should get, like, a deferment or something. You definitely don't wanna default on your loans. My brother did and, like, his credit score got fucked and he couldn't get a loan for a home."

"Man, I don't even know what my credit score is...or what one is, really. Kinda just sounds like a scam to get me to apply for a credit card or something."

Reese chuckled. "I mean, kinda but not really. Other people look at it when you apply for a loan to get like a house or a car."

Collin snorted. "Honestly, I'm fine just renting an apartment and riding a bike to work. I don't have many places to be."

Reese gave a little shrug, eyes still locked on the game in front of him. "Still, man. Gotta talk to someone about setting up a repayment thing. Have you thought about going back to school?"

Collin laughed. "Not even a little bit! I don't even remember what I went there for in the first place. Something about marine biology or something. I don't care anymore."

Collin wanted to drop the whole conversation. It had been years but the resentment about his experience going to California State and subsequently dropping out still held strong. Partially because it was his parents favorite topic and they made sure to bring up frequently.

When the round Reese was playing ended, the ferret sat back and gave Collin a sympathetic smile. "That sucks man. But you should still see what you should do about your loans. I know you said you don't smoke but..." He pulled a little metal Altoids tin out of his pocket and popped it open. "You're more than welcome to join me. Help take your mind off it."

Collin smiled and shook his head, "I appreciate it. I think I'm just gonna go lay down."

Reese smiled and shrugged. "Suit yourself, man. Is it a Mormon thing?"

Collin got up and headed towards the kitchen to get water. "I already told you, I'm not a Mormon anymore. Nothing against weed, I just don't wanna do that stuff. That's all."

"It's all good." Reese sat up. "Oh hey, I just remembered! Garret and I were at The Baritone last night and we ran into some girls. One of them was a pretty sow, I think you might like her!"

Collin had opened the fridge and was pouring himself some filtered water when he stopped. He cringed internally.

"Ahh. Well, I kinda already met someone but thanks!"

Reese paused, resulting in his character suddenly being taken out and the screen fading to a gruesome red. He turned around and leaned over the back of the couch. "You have? That's awesome, man! What's her name?"

Flustered, Collin took a long drink and refilled his glass. "Um...well...We're kind of taking things slow right now. Trying to feel each other out and see if we're a match, you know? So nothing's official yet."

Reese grinned, turning back to his game. "I gotcha." He popped his tin and started rolling a joint.

Collin breathed a sigh of relief as Reese dropped the issue and didn't press further. Despite wearing a rainbow pin to work, he still had yet to come out to either of his room mates. He worried that they would feel uncomfortable sharing a space with a gay guy, even though they'd been rooming for over a couple of years now. Garret, a bear, was much closer to his age while Reese was younger and still attending college.

Collin made a swift retreat to his room. He opened his window up as he anticipated Reese smoking. He laid his head back out the open window, gazing up at the evening sky with its shades of orange and purple. The first stars were just starting to glimmer overhead. He popped in a pair of earbuds and put on some hypnagogic vaporwave music to drown out the sounds of Reese playing video games. Even with his head leaning back out of his windowsill, the skunky verdant smell of pot reached his snout. He wrinkled it but said nothing, just laying back and looking up at the deepening evening sky and hoping that the window held fast and didn't decapitate him.

Collin felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He reached down and grabbed it, holding it up over his face.

Brock had texted, "I'm sorry I was acting so weird earlier. And I'm sorry if it felt like I was pressuring you to coming to Wildfox." Collin was about to text back when another one came through. "You're really special and I like you a lot. I want to do more fun thing with you and go places. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Collin smiled and replied, "It's okay! I thought about going there a few times but it still seems pretty scary to me right now. I'd love to go but only when I feel ready."

"Okay!" Brock replied after a while. "Only when you are ready. You okay with me hyping it up and convincing you that you should go?"

Collin chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I suppose ;)"

He laid back out the window and gazed up at the stars. He thought about Brock. It still felt so strange for someone to show interest in him that it almost felt like a setup for some mean spirited prank. Someone like Brock could probably have anyone he wanted but instead was investing so much time in a pig who worked at a greasy snack bar on the pier. He had no money and no real friends. He still didn't know what Brock did but obviously he was making enough to be able to live on Wildfox.

While the thought of Brock and his kindness and sweetness filled him a cozy warmth and a strange glimmer of optimism for the future, there was still a small chasm in his thoughts that emitted the pessimism he was more familiar with. It had to be too good to be true, he thought to himself. There had to be some kind of catch. Guys didn't just come out of nowhere to whisk you away like a prince in a fairy tale. Brock was too rich and handsome and Collin knew he was way out of his league and yet...

The second track started to play as he ruminated, watching the upside down skyline. The pitched and slowed down, heavily reverbed vocals of Cher crooned to him: "I can feel something inside me say / I really don't think I'm strong enough, no" over and over with a kind of dreamy melancholy. He was familiar with the song it was sampled from and knew that a single word had been changed in the second line. That was one of the things he liked about vaporwave. Aesthetics aside, he liked how artists used samples, not only creating a hypnotic, sludgy and sometimes creepy effect, but repurposing and changing the context of the original music as well.

His phone buzzed again and he read the brief message. "Sweet dreams and sleep well, Pink :)"

Collin took off his shirt and laid in bed, gazing up at the ceiling with his phone on his chest. While the nagging thought of this being too good to be true still lingered in the back of his mind, he was content to enjoy the moment while it lasted. Brock did seem to take a special liking to him. And he was more than willing to see how it all played out. Though Collin would find out soon enough what that catch was. And it would be the last thing he'd expected.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The album Collin was listening to is fictional but for the purposes of entertainment and self indulgence, I will describe it here.

The album is titled ?????? (translation: A Chance Meeting) by an anonymous artist from Ontario called ???????.

The album cover is a screenshot from a commercial for Mastercard, taken from a VHS tape, featuring a couple walking along a sunset lit boardwalk along the beach. The tracklist is as follows:

1. Boardwalk (sampled from a Local on the Eights from the Weather Channel in 1992)

2. Vulnerable (sampled from Believe by Cher)

3. Romantic Dinner (unidentified smooth jazz sample)

4. Glance (sampled from Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush "Come on angel, Come on darling, Let me steal this moment from you now")

5. Island Vacation (a tropical midi version of Invisible Touch by Genesis)

6. Slow Dance (sampled from Careless Whisper by George Michael "I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you")

7. You're Love (sic) (sampled from Love Won't Wait by Bobby Caldwell, instrumental)

8. Broken Heart (sampled from Shattered Dreams by Johnny Hates Jazz "Now you've given me, given me, Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams)

9. Everywhere With U (sampled from Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac, "Oh I, I wanna be with you everywhere")