Tuesday - Now and Then
#1 of Memory Remains- Now and Then
It was Tuesday. Gods, I HATE Tuesday. Tuesday is the day that Shadow stays out with her boyfriend all day long, but her heart isn't in it; I can see it in her eyes. I question why they stay together when it's obvious they're not in love, I see them waking and her body language states that she's a million miles away. When his thick hands stroke her fur, it's almost like she would pull away if she could, when his short muzzle says he loves her, her reply is half-hearted at best, and when he kisses her... it almost looks like she is going to cry. Every time I see those copper eyes fill with storms, it tears me up inside... maybe it's my age showing.
Yeah, I know- I'm an old guy, old enough to be her father, but no- she's not my kid. Hell, I don't even have any kids, the military was my wife, my subordinates were my kids. When the war ended I woulda had nowhere to go if it weren't for the government paying my pension. I know I wouldn't have been able to start a new civilian life, and I'm not sure I would have wanted to. Become a kid fresh out of school again with the body of a 45 year old? I don't think so. Still, with what I have, I take good care of myself and people tell me I don't look a day over thirty! Well, at least the greying on my muzzle is easily hidden by a little black dye.
Well, anyway, I've known Shadow for about four years now, found her while she was still in high school. It was the year after my little sister died, outside the military, she was all I had and I spent my time back home taking care of her. Yeah, I know, she shoulda been able to care for herself, but the sweet little mouse was so timid, and everyone looked down on her 'cause she was an albino... and despite all my scars and looking like a huge, scary beast of a black jackal, I'm a softy. Well, little Shadow wandered into my life while I was walking through a park. It's a little funny and a little sad, she was stuck in a tree, of all things. Imagine my surprise as I looked up between the limbs and saw a lithe grey vixen's copper eyes looking at me pleadingly- she was stuck. I climbed that old oak as best as I could and gave her a hand out from there. She was so grateful, she offered me lunch. I had nothing better to do, so I accepted.
We sat down at a little Chinese place she knew, one of those hole-in-the-wall mom and pop places run by a couple old Pekenese, but the food was good and the price was right. She seemed a little cold and shy at first, but I sat there, paitiently, letting her talk (these big ol' ears are good for SOMETHING you know!) and I guess it was just what she needed- before I knew it, she was rambling like a child. I just sat there as my tea got cold, resting my head in my hands, listening intently. I just got such a good, warm feeling from seeing her relax, it was the first time anyone had relaxed around me in awhile.
Shadow told me about everything from her friends at high school to her good-for-nothing wolf boyfriend, to her grouchy grandmother. I didn't even realize the entire day had passed by until Shadow's watch went off- she was going to be late and in trouble if she didn't get back. I gave her a ride in my car and dropped her off at her home in front of a rather angry looking older fox woman. If I hadn't been there, the matronly vixen woulda let poor Shadow really have it verbally, but seeing that she was in the capable hands of someone older seemed to soothe her. As Shadow happily waved goodbye, I could see the relief in her eyes. I waved back, and drove off.
Well, as you can imagine, that wasn't the last time I saw Shadow! We kept bumping into each other here and there at places such as the bookstore and the park, and every time I saw Shadow, she was always full of questions. At first I was uneasy explaining all my scars and my name, A'swad Jackal (it means Black in the language of my grandmother but people tend to fear things that are new, so Shadow and most the world just calls me Jackal), however, I quickly adjusted and was beguiled by the 18 year old vixen quite quickly. I started giving her rides when she needed them, helping her on her homework and occasionally covering for her when she was home late.
I guess it's no surprise when I found myself loving her. Oh, it wasn't like that! Oh heavens no. At first, she was like my sister to me and I cared for her much as I would have cared for my sister, only I didn't have the money to support us both at the time. Then, Shadow became like a daughter to me, and I taught her everything I could about life, love, and fighting for yourself (though the poor thing really should learn to care more for herself and less for others, though I know it's the pot calling the kettle black by my saying so) and she respected me as the family she never had. Gods know she never was taken good care of by her "family", I was the first person she felt wouldn't betray her.
It's been almost four years since we met... and I feel even closer to her than family, closer to her than blood. It's almost like she's a reflection and extension to myself, my shadow, yet separate from me in all things. In her I see all the things I am, all the things I could become, and all the things I could never be. It's almost like Shadow has brought me back from a thousand years of sleep...
Today I came home and set the car keys on the counter. A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door....
...oh lord. She's crying again...
Her silvery fur is matted with tears, clinging to her cheeks and running down the sides of her muzzle. Her mane of headfur falls unruly, as if she didn't care to brush it today, falling behind her ears. Her glasses are in her hand, clutched tightly, and her bright copper eyes have turned to murky pools of gold, downcast yet glassy in the light. Her small, narrow ears tip lazily to the sides of her head as if lacking the will to perk and her tail dangles rigidly behind her. Shadow tips her head up slowly to look at me as she stifles back a sob, "J-jackal... please... hug me."
I wrap my arms around her and carry her inside, laying her down on the couch.
"W-will d-did it again... why... why does he always have to be so cruel? D-dave is one of my closest f-friends... why... does he always... accuse me?"
I offer her a box of tissues.
"You deserve better than this. Nobody deserves this. That greasy tanuki needs to learn to treat women with respect and to stop being so damn jealous that you decided to spend some time with someone else. I mean, for the gods' sakes, you can't be expected to tie yourself down at 22. You need to live a little. Besides, if he weren't such an ass, maybe he'd get what he really wants and you'd half consider sleeping with him."
Shadow gave a half-hearted smile, "Not a chance in hell. I'm never making that mistake again. Besides, he's bad in bed."
I brush Shadow's hair back with my hand, smiling slightly to her.
"Jackal?"
My ears perk at the change in her tone.
"Can I stay here tonight? Just for tonight..."
"You can stay here forever for all I care. I don't have much, but I'll give you all I have." I say with a smirk.
"Thank you."
And in those tear-filled eyes, a spark of joy appears and, despite the sniffles, she begins to smile. I swear, when she smiles, she's just like a princess or a goddess, she just gets that glow about her. I wish I could give her everything- she deserves it.
It's Tuesday, the day mistress goes to bathe. As always, I am expected to stand guard. Then again, it's what the emperor bought me to do and what I have done since the age of fifteen, and I have been serving faithfully for well over twenty years since the day. As I stand by the clay archway to the royal bathes, I pause to reflect upon my life.
At the age of ten I was orphaned as a sickness killed my mother and invaders killed my father. Having nowhere else to turn, I joined the army and served the soldiers by caring for their steeds and sharpening their swords and spears. In my brief stay, I became the most feared soldier in my unit, swiftly rising from lowly stable boy to rank so high our leader felt threatened by my presence. Oh, the battles I fought! The blood of my enemies ran thick through my fur, painting it red from the slick black it was, my blade oiled by their lives as it ran from them in rivers. They saw me coming and would run! Yes, run you cowards! The bane of the night is upon you, and my iron is sharp and true! Oh, none would escape... none. You didn't care when you slaughtered my father, you didn't care when your illnesses killed my mother, why should I care for you or those you leave behind? Even in these bloody thoughts, I can not help but smiling- how many lives have I avenged through my battles? It's a shame my time was brought to an early end by our leader. Then again, had the old buck not sold me to the Emperor, I would have killed him in his sleep and taken his place, and the men would have willingly followed. I suppose it was in his best interests.
Now the princess exits the bathes, her silver fur glints in the morning sunlight, water trickles from her hair, flowing over her comely form, trickling past her shapely bosom, down her strong back and thighs, onto the floor past her little feet. She takes in a slow, relaxed breath, her chest gracefully heaving as she breathes, then she turns to me with a coy smile.
"Hello, Jackal. How is my favorite guardsman doing?"
"Hello, m'lady. Just doing fine, I was thinking about the past, you know, when I was younger."
She chuckles to herself, padding closer to me with her eternal vulpine grace, "Oh, you know not to call me that when we're alone. To you and I, I'm just your little Shadow." she winks, then proceeds to scratch gently under my chin.
I try to maintain a calm demeanor, but oh it is difficult when a most beautiful, naked woman is before you! I hoped she would not notice the bulge at my loins as I gave a meek smile in return.
"Now...", she says breathiliy in her nonchalant way, "Come with me to the garden while I let the sunlight dry my fur and say my morning prayers."
I hastily nod in agreement, then follow her through the hidden corridors to a special nook in the palace gardens set aside just for the peace and pleasure of the princess. All about us the smell of early roses wafts in the air, and soft, green grace meets our bare paws. As the princess reclines upon a couch of the finest silks, padded with only the finest of soft feathers, I hang a tapestry upon the thorns to seal off the area from the curious. As I turn around, gracefully, Shadow has rolled over from her side to her back, and is stretching. Every sinewy muscle ripples just below the surface of her soft fur, her stomach arches upward towards the heavens as she yawns silently, eyes closed in the quiet pleasures of waking. I can not take my eyes off her, how I long to touch the powerful, gentle creature before me... yet I know I can never. I sigh to myself sadly as shadow lays back down and turns her head towards me, opening her eyes.
"I see you like what I do in my spare time.", a coy smirk crosses her face, "No matter, now is not the time, nor is it the place."
Shadow stands up smoothly and walks to a little white altar in the corner of the garden, and begins her daily prayers. I begin to pray, myself. Please, let me have the strength to overcome the base urges of all men. I can slaughter 200 men and not break a sweat, yet the morning stretches of a young woman cause me great pains.
Soon, Shadow is dressed and partaking of lunch. I sit at the corner of the table, much in the fashion of a pet or a slave. The emperor's favored pets sit beside me, and we all enjoy a fine meal of roast birds and fresh vegetables. I see the males of higher station paying attention to Shadow, and all I can do is stifle a growl. Does she accept their advances? Her coy giggle says no, yet, deep inside me, the jealousy boils like the sea. Weaklings, children, cowards. I could snap them like branches in a storm! Shadow is far above them. The slaves attempt to gather my attention, several of the females are attracted to me and I can smell that one is in heat, but I don't want them. What I want is beyond my reach, so, instead I must protect it at all costs.
Afternoon is upon us, and Shadow has gone to the parlor to sing. Her voice is high and light against the drum and flute and far better tuned than that of the chamber-maids. I sit quietly by the door in a chair, listening, wrapped in her song. If only I could sing like this, I would join her... but who would want to hear my song? The singing draws to a close, and Shadow proceeds to draw. I wonder what she is working on today? Perhaps, if I am lucky, she'll show me sometime. Maybe... I'll have to be extra good, though. Once, I saved her from being attacked by an angry courier and she showed me some of her work as a reward. Her skill at singing is only surpassed by her art, so delicate are the lines and so perfect are the proportions! It's almost as if I could reach out and touch her dreams. Yes, I'll have to work very hard to see this one, she has been working on it for three days.
With the night comes a party! A few wealthy land owners have come to see the emperor as to persuade him to allow them to purchase rights to plant more luxury crops. The emperor, to enforce that he is above them, is having a lavish celebration to impress them. Indeed, the three young fellow seem more than impressed by the spectacle! Fabric woven with gold and silver and tapestries of the finest make decorate the walls. A brilliant fire burns green in the center of the festivities and all around it beautiful dancing girls frolic as a fine band plays, their flowing garb suggestively clinging about their forms as small bells tied to their tails jingle. Though the land owners try to appeal to Shadow, she seems disinterested in them. Thank the gods. Wine flows like water and laughter carries on the breeze long into the night.
As the celebration draws to a close, Shadow retreats to her quarters, closely followed by me. One must follow the princess closely after a celebration such as this, as drink tends to loosen inhibitions...
Luckily, this time, nobody follows us. I secure the door as Shadow prepares herself for bed. Coming up the stairs into her bedchamber, I find Shadow sliding into bed.
"Oh, hello, Jackal. Did you have a good time.", she says with a sweet smile.
"As could be expected, Shadow.", I say with a smile.
"Oh, I'm so glad!" she says as her tail begins to wag, "I know you aren't into dancing girls, so I was hoping you weren't bored."
"Oh, I am NEVER bored with you, my lady."
"And that's why you're my favorite."
Shadow slipped out of her bed sheet and slowly walked up to me naked, wrapping her arms around me. I paused in confusion, then hesitatingly held her. Was this a dream?
"You know, I don't want to sleep alone tonight. There's a chill coming in from the garden and I don't want to be cold. Will you stay with me tonight?"
I shuddered as she pressed herself against me, nuzzling my chest.
"Yes, my lady, I will do as you wish."
Shadow stepped back slightly, smiling, "Come with me."
Shadow made room in her bedding and I lie down on my side with my back to the window to block the chill, and soon Shadow slipped into bed beside me. Quietly, she curls up to my side and falls fast asleep. She looks so peaceful as she's resting. There's a kind of glow about her, like a goddess. I wish I could give her everything...