FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

cw: violence (not in sex)

Kayla stretches and rubs the sleepiness from her face. After cleaning up from last night's romp in the woods with Deven, she'd curled up in bed to catch a few more hours of sleep. She holds a pillow against her chest and faces her roommate and packmate's empty bed on the other side of the room.

Nate was the second newest member of the pack next to her. He was in his late twenties, brown-skinned, suave and had chosen to be a werewolf. A friend of his had turned him. Kayla supposed the super immunity of lycanthropy would be attractive when you did sex work for a living. He would leave for days at a time before coming back and had developed quite the list of clientele, including one older man Nate was particularly fond of who would spend the time between rendezvous composing a song to serenade him with.

The other newly turned lycanthrope found herself a bit jealous of his confidence and ability to do the work. Confidence aside, she'd had too many bad encounters with men to feel she'd be able to stomach the sex with strangers. Well... strangers that weren't wolves. With pack it felt different. For some reason.

The man himself strides in shirtless to grab his phone off of its charger and sees Kayla curled around her pillow, so deep in thought that her gaze passes through everything. "The puppy awakes!" He announces amiably, stepping closer to ruffle her hair as he moves back out the door. Kayla grumbles at his enthusiasm. Wasn't it too early to be this lively? She checks her phone. Fuck... it's almost four in the afternoon. Growling under her breath, she waits until Nate leaves and drags herself from bed. She hears the sizzle of bacon from the other side of the house and tilts up her nose. Hastily pulls on a pair of jeans, she follows the scent.

Nate was in the kitchen talking with Vi, a muscled, butch woman with black hair cut short who Kayla swore must have been a wolf before she was human. Of course she would be the one making bacon mid afternoon. She brightens when seeing Kayla. "Get a good nap in?" Kayla grunts noncommittally and it makes Vi's grin grow wider. "I heard you and Deven last night. I was out too, figured I should leave you to your own hunt." A flash of the night before returns to Kayla's memory, the taste of Vi's scent on the air. She sees Kayla's face twist in concentration as she tries to recall the night and gives her a sympathetic half smile. "You can get better at remembering with practice."

"How can I practice something when I have no memory of it?" Kayla breaks her silence with a frustrated grimace. So much of her memory since her first change felt like she had to reach through sand to uncover it, some of it too deep to find.

"You talk with others who were there with you. Go over the night again in your head with them. Writing it down can help too, like a dream journal. Slowly, you remember more each time." Vi's voice was gentle, surprisingly understanding. She was usually quick to anger, fiery, territorial. Not human. Keeping a dream journal was a surprisingly human thing for her to suggest. She reaches a hand forward to squeeze Kayla's arm. "Go sit down with Nate. I'll bring you some food."

Kayla thanks her quietly and sits, leaning against Nate with a sigh. He wraps an arm around her and nuzzles her head. The familiar scent of him, his aftershave and his wolf make her relax. With her head against his chest, she listens to the sounds of crackling bacon grease, the clink of silverware, the rumble of Nate's baritone as he speaks with Vi. She could have fallen back to sleep if her stomach wasn't rumbling so insistently. She barely manages to keep from drooling as the smell of bacon only gets stronger. The clatter of a plate set on the table in front of her makes her straighten and she sits up as Vi to places a napkin with silverware next to a beautiful plate of toast, scrambled eggs, and a healthy portion of bacon. It stirs the memories of before in her mind. Since her change she'd mostly eaten straight from the refrigerator, stove or raw in the wild. She smirks at the memory of TJ grabbing a massive steak from the fridge and dropping it into the pan, only to flip it several times. Once both sides were seared they both ate it with their hands. Having everything arranged with silverware and a plate was so... human. And from Vi of all people.

Reaching gingerly for the silverware, she dimly remembers how to hold them in her hands the way she had eaten as a human. The hunger in her stomach makes it hard for her to take the time and not start shoving food into her mouth with her hands. She's so focused on the display before her she doesn't smell the other lycanthrope moving behind her until his hand has already snatched a bit of bacon. She sinks her teeth into his arm and growls. Then she smells him. Luke. "Bitch!" he shouts followed by the thud of his fist against her temple. She only growls lower and tastes his blood dripping down her throat. At some point she'd started shifting, the wolf half of her brain indignant that this bastard might steal her food. He punches her throat this time and she releases him, choking and gasping for breath. She licks his blood from her lips, her hind brain rushing to the front of her consciousness, eclipsing everything else. In her mind's eye she can see her wolf racing towards her, eager to direct control. She could protect her kill more easily with teeth and claws. The impact of the wolf in her mind's eye causes her to double over and gasp in pain. She clutches her stomach to keep her wolf from tearing its way out, trying to calm the animal part of her brain.

"Stop!" Vi shouts, her commanding voice making everyone freeze. She could beat any one of them in a fight and they all knew it.

Nate puts a hand on Kayla's shoulder and leans in, his soft voice encouraging her to hold it in. "Keep it together."

Luke ate the strips of bacon he'd snatched with pleasure. He enjoyed knocking the younger wolves around, making them turn wolf out of stress or anger. He was also stronger than most of the pack so he could get away with it when TJ and Deven weren't around.

Kayla wipes some of his blood from her lips onto her arm and leans back into Nate. With him and Vi there she knew he wouldn't try to mess with her again. "There's plenty for everyone if you would like for me to fix you a plate." Vi offers stiffly.

"I'm not hungry," Luke smirks, wiping some blood from his arm to his shirt. The bite wound had already scabbed over. His rapid healing from the lycanthropy would make it appear as if nothing had happened in the next hour, other than the blood on his shirt. He pulls out his phone and stretches on the couch, enjoying the discomfort his presence caused.

Vi had already replaced the bacon he'd taken and stepped around the table to break Kayla's line of sight to the bastard. The more experienced wolf takes the fork and knife which had become balled in Kayla's fist and encourages her to eat like she used to: fork in the left hand, knife in the right. It was so fucking annoying, the food was right there and she was so hungry. Swallowing a frustrated growl, Kayla focuses on the act of eating as much as the food itself, cutting some of the eggs into a more human appropriate bite size and bringing it to her mouth with a fork. It was still a bit big for her human mouth and she took her time chewing it. Fuck that was good. Vi scratches Kayla's head approvingly and she wiggles in her seat with pride. If she had her tail it would be wagging.

TJ steps in to drop a couple bottles into the garbage and grab a beer from the fridge and smirks when he sees Kayla eating with a fork and knife. "Having an extra civilized Saturday, are we?"

He'd meant it as playful ribbing, but Vi frowns. "Someone has to help Kayla adjust to all of this since you and Deven don't seem to care."

TJ closes the fridge slowly. "You're right... I'm sorry." He directs the apology to Kayla. The new wolf focuses her eyes on her food. Walking to her, he gently touches her shoulder. "I'll do better. We really haven't done enough and I know you want to go back to school."

Luke snorts from the living room as if that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. All it takes is for TJ to turn and narrow his eyes for him to cringe and duck his gaze.

Vi seems to read Kayla's mind as she looks back at her food, preparing to wolf it down so she can get out of the quickly crowding kitchen and living room. "Here," Vi grabs a tray and puts her plate and silverware with a glass of water. "Take it to your room and take your time eating there." From Vi, the more experienced and higher ranking wolf in the pack, it could have been an order. But Kayla knew that she was being kind and she wouldn't be punished if she disobeyed.

"I will. Thank you, Vi." Kayla takes the tray with her face downcast respectfully and shuffles back to her room.

Kayla ended up ignoring most of the eggs, favoring the bacon and toast. Partially because she remembered that before her change she was generally expected to eat those with her hands. Having cleaned them off on her jeans, she sat cross legged staring at her new phone. Deven had picked one up for her when her old phone had been lost. She'd changed when she hadn't meant to, shredded her clothes, lost her things, fled in a panic. It was a disaster. While she'd added all of her packmates into her contacts, the rest of her life before her change remained absent from it.

Her thumb hovers over the install button for Instagram. She'd returned to this time and time again, knowing it would hurt to reconnect. To see her friends and the life that had continued to move on without her. She thought about how Vi had encouraged her to eat like before. Refamiliarizing herself with her human life, human habits, human ways of doing things. Baby steps. She would just look this time. That would hurt, but no permanent damage could happen from looking, right?

Kayla presses install and watches it download, feeling her pulse quicken. It feels like she is stepping over some threshold of no return. Like she was downloading something illicit while living with her parents, breaking some sort of law. Deven hadn't explicitly said she couldn't reconnect with her old friends over the internet. Though she knew he wanted her to keep a low profile until she was ready to re-enter the human world safely. It will be okay, she tells herself. It's just a look.

The new wolf logs in and is immediately frustrated. It's only been three months and the interface is different from how she remembers. She ignores her alerts and pings from missed messages and focuses on scrolling through the main feed. At least swiping up and down remains the same.

Photos of her friends finish loading and pop onto the screen. A new semester had begun and along with it more parties and more excuses for her friends to dress up and take photos. Everything she is missing. Hot tears fall and hit her arms before she realizes she is crying. An image of her best friend, Rachel, fills the screen. The last time she'd seen her, they had been arguing.

Suddenly Kayla sees her own face fill the screen, her messy unkempt hair and puffy eyes frowning back at her. The phone vibrates in her hand announcing "video call from Rachel." Fuck. She fumbles with her phone, trying to hang up and instead picks up. The video of her own face shrinks and the rest of her phone is replaced with Rachel's face. "Oh my god! Kay! You're alive. Where have you been?"

Panicking, Kayla sprints to the door to shut it. "Uh... I'm... I had to leave. Family emergency," she stutters, trying to come up with something good enough to convince Rachel she was fine.

"I'm so sorry to hear that. We were worried that maybe you were dead or something. Why haven't you said anything?"

Returning back to her bed, Kayla runs her fingers through her hair and wipes the tears from her eyes, trying to look more put together. "I lost my phone," She answers honestly. She isn't a good liar, but maybe she can stick to the truth and lie by omission. "It's actually really embarrassing, but I kinda lost myself for a bit. I had to get help."

"Oh shit," Rachel gasps. "Like, committed to a psychiatric hospital level shit?"

"Yeah," Kayla nods, agreeing with her. "I just got a new phone and lost all my old contacts. I only reinstalled Instagram tonight actually."

"Fuck, girl!" Rachel laughs, shaking her head. "I'm glad you're okay. I mean... are you okay?"

"I think I will be," Kayla sighs. "I want to talk more but I think I'm going to have to take it slow."

"Of course, Kay. Whatever you need. Please, tell me where you are so I can come visit."

Kayla's anxiety spikes. She can't come here. "Um... okay, let me check and get back to you. I've gotta go." She hangs up the call and buries the phone under her pillow, cringing at the awkwardness of the conversation, at how desperately she misses her friends. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. She buries her face in her pillow and howls her rage and desperation.

Run, her wolf urges. Let me free. Run. Just imagining the feeling of the wind in her fur and the feeling of her four legs sends a shudder of relief through her body. Her stomach turns as she feels wolf urging her beneath the surface. She sobs into her pillow and grits her teeth, knowing she won't be able to hold it back and hating that she doesn't want to.

Her panting breaths become more ragged and deep as she pulls her shirt over her head and kicks her pants off. She hugs her arms around her midsection in pain as her wolf excitedly tears free, its joy and euphoria mixing with her pain and fear. Paws tear free through her arms and fur sprouts from her shoulders and down her legs. As strength fills her limbs she stretches and jumps from her bed, landing on all fours as her fur finishes filling in. The scents come more easily with more clarity, as if the change cleared some extra sinuses. She smells werewolf. When she turns to the door, her now amber eyes fix upon Luke, leaning in the open frame and leering down at her.

"Hey Kayla." He teases with a sing-song lilt to his voice. The human words mostly slide away from Wolf's understanding, but she knows he's a fucker and that he said her human name. The asshole had watched her when she was at her most vulnerable and she thought she was alone. Her lips peel back and she growls in warning. Wolf knows Luke can beat her in a fight, but she could make him bleed if she has to. "Sh-sh-sh," he whispers in a coaxing voice. "I just wanted to bring you something." He unwraps a cut of bleeding venison that makes her mouth water. Kayla's nostrils flare and she sniffs in his direction, knowing that he is probably trying to trick her, but wanting to find a way to take it from him anyway.

Another male voice comes from the hallway. "Luke, what're you..." His steps quicken and he pushes him aside. Nate steps in to see Wolf and her discarded clothing. Why are you in the way? I can't get out, Wolf complains with a whine and a bark. The walls start to feel like they're closing in and she paces like a predator in a cage. "You fucker," Nate growls at Luke. "Leave her alone."

Luke stands in the doorway, considering if it was worth the fight. He's stronger than Nate, but he notices something in the hallway and decides against it. Luke tosses the bloody meat and paper at Nate, staining his shirt, and strides away. With a grimace, Nate puts the venison back onto the wax paper and sets it down on the ground. Avoiding making eye contact, he glances in Kayla's direction. She's trembling, her hackles up, teeth still visible in a frozen snarl. He wishes he could scoop her up and hold her, comfort her, but knows he would probably only make things worse. Lifting his bloodstains shirt over his head, he walks calmly to his dresser, picking out something clean to wear.

Kayla's wolf watches him. She knows he should be safe, but the whole exchange spooked her. A soft whine pierces the silence as she airs her discomfort and moves back to her bed, eyes fixated on the doorway. She was tempted by the venison, drooling from the scent of deer blood that filled the room, but she didn't trust it. Maybe she should have waited for Kayla to go outside before she sprang forth.

The silhouette of Deven fills the doorway. He looks from Kayla's trembling wolf and her hastily discarded clothes to the venison and narrows his eyes at Nate. "What the fuck is happening in here?"

"It was Luke," Nate tries to fill Deven in quickly. "I found him harassing Kayla and made him leave. I think he scared her into shifting."

"Get out," was all Deven had to say to Nate. The alpha steps back to let him leave the room and waits until he and Kayla are alone. "Shifting twice in less than twenty four hours? You're going to be in so much pain." He frowns sympathetically.

Wolf looks at him blankly, knowing he is her Alpha, but not understanding the words he's speaking. He doesn't seem like he's mad at her, but her heart is still racing from the change and the claustrophobia and confusion. She whines again and howls angrily.

"I know, I know," Deven says soothingly. He moves with slow and intentional steps along the perimeter of the room, leaving the doorway open so Wolf has an escape route. Then when he's reached the far side of the room he sits and crosses his legs, waiting patiently. Wolf looks between him and the door. She doesn't want to leave, but knowing she can escape makes her relax. The thumping in her ears slows and she wants to be close to her alpha, to let him comfort her. Jumping off the bed she approaches him slowly, at an angle, ducking her gaze. Deven waits patiently, pretending to ignore her.

When Wolf decides she's close enough, she turns to face Deven and whines. "I know it's confusing," he says softly, knowing she won't understand. "I know it hurts. I've got you." He traces gentle fingers through her thick coat and reaches for the joints that are always sorest for him the times he changed more than once in a twenty four hour period. Wolf yelps at first, expecting it to hurt, but melts into her Alpha's hands. She slumps forward into his lap and he smiles. "Good girl," he whispers. Wolf focuses on the feeling of his fingers trailing through her fur, the gentle murmur of his voice, and before she knows it she begins to doze in his embrace.