FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

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cw: abuse, dubious consent

cover art by Noonmarkart

Kayla's nostrils flare as she takes in the scents and sounds of the dingy bar. There are too many people, their alcohol tinged breath and sweat sticking to everything. The burn of cigarette smoke blankets over the rest of the scents. A constant murmur of voices as she catches snatches of conversation pull her attention to a new source before she's able to process the last one. Unable to follow anything specific, only able to hear everything. Overwhelmed and overstimulated, Kayla leans against the body next to her for support.

Deven, her alpha, keeps a possessive arm tight around her waist. He was laughing at something TJ said from across the table, but smirks down at Kayla when he feels her nuzzling into his chest. "I told you it would be too much. You're still just a cub. You need more time to adjust before you can go out." Deven's voice rumbles in his chest and Kayla rests her head against him, feeling the vibrations of his voice against her cheek. It makes her feel young, like before she left home, before she dropped out of college- she still hadn't told her parents her life had suddenly changed. How does someone explain something like this? If sitting in a loud bar is enough to make her want to run away and hide behind her alpha, how could she go back to school?

The sadness and anxiety burns in her chest and she whines. "I wanna go home."

"No," Deven answers. "We've barely finished our second drinks. Maybe next time you'll think twice about coming with us."

A group of deep voices a table over explodes in raucous laughter, making the new werewolf flinch and tremble against Deven. Kayla looks up at him with pleading in her eyes. "Please, I promise I'll be more ready next time."

The hand around her waist squeezes painfully as Deven's eyes look down to her sharply. She quickly ducks her gaze. An open stare could be interpreted as a challenge to his authority. Annoyed, Deven relinquishes his embrace and puts his arm on the table, gripping his pint glass in both hands. "Go wait outside if you're so antsy."

The rejection hurt and Kayla's eyes sting. Lowering her head in a downcast, submissive posture, she slides out from the booth. TJ gives her a sympathetic frown, but Deven's expression remains stony, refusing to acknowledge her. Kayla moves through the bar as if she'd never been in one before. She timidly pushes the door open and steps outside, stopping to take several lungfuls of the cool night air. The burn of the bar isn't gone, but she can smell trees and green in the air now, which were impossible to catch inside.

A cough a few paces away from her makes her flinch and stumble back. Two men stand smoking together, a lull in their conversation. So desperate to smell something other than human kept her from noticing their scents. They both smell of alcohol and smoke as well as oil, gasoline, and exhaust. Maybe car mechanics, the both of them. Neither acknowledge her presence as she moves across the dirt parking lot to Deven's red pickup and climbs into the back. His truck is familiar, and the truck bed makes her feel like she has a space of her own. Reaching through the back window, she fumbles through a pile of clothes until she finds an old sweatshirt. Deven keeps a bunch of baggy clothes he uses on full moon nights in his car, and when she holds it to her face she can smell him. Skin and fur, sweat and musk. His scent registers as both human and animal. Her alpha. And she can smell some of her pack on it too. It means safety, and so curling into a ball in the back of this man's pickup truck with his old clothes held close, she feels safe.

How had she ended up here? Since the bite and her first change, nothing had been the same. Overwhelmed by new body language and senses, she felt more animal than human. And now being around humans was scary. Every smile became someone baring their fangs at her. Every handshake felt like an incoming attack. And too easily she would find herself overwhelmed. Would she ever be able to see her old friends and family again?

Deven keeps the pack close, most of them living with him and his mate. They own a large house at the edge of the woods where it's safe to shapeshift when they need to. As far as Kayla could tell, it seems like there is no going back. The ones who can cope work low-paying jobs and give that money to Deven to cover the costs of the house, food, and whatever else Deven decides the pack needs. Deven's mate, TJ, seemed the most stable, with a gig fixing motorcycles at the auto repair shop. But Kayla had been studying computer science and wanted to make video games. Those required a large team and intense hours. Even if she wasn't constantly overwhelmed with this new anxiety, could she balance monthly shapeshifting and the hangover the days after to keep a stable job? Who was she kidding? She'd been missing classes for months now, her scholarships were all but lost. Her future was gone in a flash of fur and teeth.

She weeps quietly into Deven's sweatshirt, the scent of her new family still filling her with relief, despite her anger at what happened to her. TJ had said he'd kill the wolf who had done this to her if he ever found out who did it. A rogue wolf, a werewolf who hadn't been given permission from the pack to enter their territory, had attacked. Deven had been tracking his scent, but found her instead, stumbling and covered in blood, barely able to stand. He'd brought her to his home and the pack was helping her adapt and understand her new impulses. At least she was safe from any of the packless rogues that might want to possess her. She'd heard stories of lone wolves who forgot how to be human and acted on instinct alone. The thought of encountering one of those people, having them smell the wolf on her and decide to hunt her sends chills of fear down her spine.

A breeze blows over the truck, carrying the scent of wolf with it. She tilts her head to the sky, nostrils flaring as she breathes it in. TJ. Sure enough, there he was approaching the truck. He climbs into the back with Kayla and she meets him with a hug. He squeezes her back and runs a hand through her hair. "Are you okay?" Instead of answering with words, she just nestles into his chest. TJ sighs sympathetically and strokes her hair again. "I talked Deven into leaving. He's paying our tab and we'll head back to the house."

"I'm sorry," Kayla's voice cracks. "I shouldn't have come and ruined your night."

"No no no. Kayla, this couldn't have gone any other way. Going back into the world... It's hard. It's always hard, no matter who you are." The disapproval and confusion at Deven's behavior remains unspoken. Even though TJ is his mate and second in command of the pack, he couldn't say anything that would undermine the alpha. At least not out loud. Instead he spoke in omissions. If this was hard for Deven and TJ after they became werewolves, why was Deven so hard on Kayla? Well, obviously it was because Kayla should be doing better at this point. And TJ... he was just trying to be nice, make her feel better.

The doors to the bar swing open as Deven makes his way to the car, jingling his keys. He unlocks the doors and climbs inside to start the engine. TJ nudges Kayla to get up and pulls the passenger seat forward so she can climb into the tiny back seats.

When they return to the house, Kayla resolves to head inside to the bedroom she shares with a packmate and hide under the covers, but Deven's voice cuts across her thoughts. "Stay." She freezes in place and turns to see him already removing his clothes and tossing them into the back of his truck. Her heart sinks. No... not tonight. She wanted to be human. To try and focus on thinking of her future. "Change." He ordered, fully naked in the cold night air.

Deven was already mad at her, no point in making it worse. She tosses off Deven's sweatshirt which she'd put on in the car and her tank top, followed quickly by her bra. Then she slides her jeans and panties down together, kicking herself free from her tennis shoes and socks. Being ordered to change on nights other than the full moon scared her a bit. She was afraid if she changed too much she would forget how to be human. That and shapeshifting was already painful. She hadn't yet fully grown accustomed to the feeling.

Her alpha's eyes stare expectantly as she stands there naked, his gaze heavy on her. She squeezes her eyes shut and tries to find her way back, to find the muscle she needs to flex that will start the change. Her thoughts formulate an image of a wolf inside her and she tries to coax it out. It approaches timidly, knowing that she doesn't want the change. As it takes its first steps toward her she begins to feel the fur rise from her skin. Nervous that Deven will grow angry with her for taking too long, Kayla urges the wolf to hurry. It acquiesces and a sharp pain like fire blossoms in her gut, causing her to double over in pain. Falling to her hands and knees, she looks up with unfocused eyes to see Deven smirking. He waits until he knows it would be too painful for her to pull back from the change and kneels to bring his own wolf forward.

It feels like the wolf that had been hiding inside her is now raking its claws against her, trying to tear its way out. Kayla falls to her side and curls up in a ball, holding her stomach with a sob. Fuck, it hurt so bad. She closes her eyes to try and visualize the wolf again, to beg her to slow down, but instead she sees through the wolf's eyes. That's right, she'd forgotten. She remembered TJ holding her and coaxing her through her first change. She'd found what she needed to bring the wolf out. Now she needed to let it go, along with her humanity. Stop holding it back. Just let it go. Realizing she'd been holding her breath, she lets it out with a wolf-like whine, the fur on her body thickening. She opens her eyes and they shine amber.

Wolf shakes her fur, drying her tips of the last bit of human sweat that remained from her two-legged counterpart. She's free again and tastes the night air on her tongue. Her tail wags and her paws dig into the soft earth. She remembers the two-legged part of her mind didn't want this, and her nose catches Alpha's scent. She sees him watching her, already done shedding his own flesh for a tawny and cream colored coat of fur. He's beautiful, and to her he is God. But he was angry with her before, and that makes her nervous. She ducks her head and averts her gaze in deference and takes a fearful step back before she can stop herself. Her heart starts thumping. Acting like prey and she hadn't been able to stop herself. Alpha's body lowers, sleek and ready to spring, as if he were hunting.

Terrified, Wolf turns and runs. She knows she isn't fast enough to outrun him, but what else could she do? The ground becomes a blur beneath her as she sprints towards the forest, leaping into the brush and weaving through the trees. Alpha's paws crunch through dried leaves behind her and she can almost feel the teeth of his open snout dragging against the tip of her tail as he snaps at her.

He catches up, knocking Wolf onto her back. She tucks her tail between her legs and shows her belly, barking in submission. Whatever her two-legged half did, she was wrong. Wolf was sorry. Alpha was right. He levels his face to hers, his intense stare daring her to challenge Him. She folds her ears back and licks his snout in apology, whining and begging Him to forgive her.

The wolf that was Deven observes her with a piercing stare that looked from behind his eyes often even when he was human. He seemed to deliberate on whether he should forgive her. Finally, he licks her snout back. Alpha accepts her apology. Wolf's entire body relaxes, waiting for Him to move on before leaping up to join him. The two wolves are hungry and these woods are full of prey.

---

Kayla gasps awake, wincing at the light filtering through the trees above her. She instinctively raises a hand to cover her eyes. She's back. Dry leaves crinkle under her body and the brisk morning air feels delicious on her skin. Her other arm stretches out in front of her, her legs tucked close against her body. Deven spoons her with an arm around her waist, his skin burning hot in the cool air. His scent is comforting, and she presses back into him. Alpha. Her hindbrain still feels close, the wolf's senses and emotions filling her. She can smell Deven's wolf half still close to the surface. As if to confirm her thoughts, he nuzzles into her neck to breathe in her scent and licks her. Her eyes close and she moans softly.

Wolf's mind is different from hers. She remembers flashes of the night before, the feelings and emotions of their adventure. But it's also different from her human memories, almost as if it were in a second language that she's still becoming fluent in. She hadn't wanted to become wolf last night, but it was hard to remember why. Deven's scent, the feeling of him cradling her, it all feels so right. He is her Alpha and with him she is safe.

"Good morning, Cub," Alpha rumbles, his breath hot against her ear.

"Alpha," She murmurs, her voice sticky. She can feel a film of blood against her teeth from whatever they hunted last night. The arm around her waist tightens and she presses back against him. Touch had become so much more important to her since she'd become a werewolf. It conveyed so many things: security, safety, comfort. Right now Alpha's touch said Mine, and her touch said Yours. And this was how it was supposed to be.

Deven's cock presses against her backside and she smells his want for her. He can smell hers. This was how they would always wake up when Deven made her change, close and full of desire with their animal selves just under their skin. In her Alpha's woods, their territory. His domain and the place she's safe. It's so hard for her to focus on why she didn't want this the night before. Thoughts like this don't make sense to the wolf.

As if to emphasize that point, Deven bites her neck and growls softly. Kayla stops trying to make sense of it, her hindbrain urging her to open for him as he enters her. A warmth spreads through every part of her, wolf returning to the fore of her mind even though she was wearing human skin. She growls in return as she presses back, hilting him inside of her, urging him to stop teasing and fuck her. He obliges.

When they're done her human mind returns. Her movements feel dull, her thoughts sticky. Still buried under the warmth of the afterglow. Sex with Deven was always better than it should be. Maybe being wolf made it better. She always felt more devoted to her Alpha afterwards. With a contented sigh she rolls over to kiss his cheek. Well, she meant to kiss his cheek, but it came out as a submissive lick of his chin.

"Good girl," Alpha rumbles, pleased. He wraps an arm around her. "We should get moving. Head back."

The whine bursts forward before she even processed the disappointment building in her chest. "Do we have to? This is so nice."

"Yes, cub." He says, still warm in the afterglow himself. She knows if she asks again he'll drop into a more commanding tone and she wants to hold onto this feeling, so she remains silent instead. When he finally does lift himself to his feet, she clambers up after him. Walking on two legs makes her more aware of her nakedness.

"You're learning," Deven grins, sliding his arm around her waist to squeeze her bare ass as they walk back to the house. "The change comes quicker, your wolf legs carry you faster." Kayla smiles at the compliments, leaning into him and nuzzling his shoulder. "We can try going into town again soon. I'm sure next time you'll be able to handle yourself better."

She remembers the bar, the anxiety, the inconvenience of it all and suddenly she doesn't feel as safe and comfortable anymore. "I hate that it's hard. I wish none of this had ever happened."

"Shh..." Deven slows his walk and pulls her against his chest, holding her still. "You're safe. Nothing can get you when you're with me. I'll take care of you. And you have all the time in the world to work through this."

He doesn't get it. She wants to shake him off but suppresses the impulse. "No, I don't. I want to finish college. I'm missing so much right now. And my family, they are going to find out something is wrong and come looking for me."

"Well if they do they won't find you."

Kayla stiffened, her shoulders tensing like hackles. There's no use trying to explain any of this to Deven. It's like he's chosen to withdraw from human life completely. She couldn't do that. Sensing her tension and interpreting it as aggression, Deven growls. Kayla breaks from his grasp and slouches her shoulders, trying to show she doesn't want to start a fight.

Deven stares and Kayla wilts under his gaze. "I-I'm sorry. I'm just... really struggling right now. It's all so confusing." A few timid steps back to him and she nuzzles his shoulder, licks an apology.

For a long time he remains unmoved, like stone, until she feels his warm arms wrap around her and hold her close. "I know," Deven says simply, and something about it makes Kayla think this is the most human gesture he's made in the three months she's known him.