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OK, I think I'm getting the hang of using this thing. Wait... I remember seeing James put a space at the start of these new boxes of text.

There we go. I guess that does make it easier to read. This typewriter device... All you do is press a button and it prints the letter on the parchment. It sure makes writing faster and easier on the wrist. Wait a minute. Didn't James also add an extra space between these paragraphs when they started to get too long?

That's it. That's what I'm looking for. He makes it look so easy. I always had a hunch he had more talent with the quill than the sword. Anyway... What was I doing here? Just...typing for no reason?

Should I really be putting these three dots down now and then like this? Like...is it necessary? Just did it again... And again. What, are they a reflex thing? Are they to show a moment of hesitation between words with the brief delay in speaking? I guess it does feel natural... There it is again. OK, sure. I'll just put these in whenever it feels like they belong there. In any case...

I guess I should at least show who's writing this. I am Ember. The Dragon Lord. And I guess I just have some free time on my hands. Things are quiet so far. I wasn't sure what to expect when I signed up for this war, but I didn't think it would being going on for this long. What I also didn't expect was just how...impressive these ponies can be on a battlefield. I don't get where my people got the idea that ponies are a bunch of weaklings. When the going gets tough, they know how to rise to the challenge. I never thought much of ponies to begin with, but I have far more respect for them now. No wonder they're the dominant force in Equestria.

It's weird how you have to replace every sheet of paper when you run out of space. Even if it does make sense. I guess if you get a really good flow going, it won't bother you much. I just hope I don't get tired of having to do this. I had to watch really closely to see how James does it every time. Anyway... Where was I? Oh, right.

Dominant force... I guess that brings me to why we're even out here in the first place. Dad always had some worrying things to say about the human race from back before they all disappeared. And now that I've witnessed one such human warrior truly letting loose on the battlefield, I think I'm starting to see where he was coming from. Humanity can be a terrifying force. Even the meekest humans can scare you.

That human warrior is a male named James. A very gentle and soft-spoken man who just happened to blunder into the dragon lands weeks ago and got dragged into a mess with a bunch of local juveniles. And I was dumb enough to take their words at face value. I should've put my spear down and talked to him, but James was armed and armored. He looked like trouble. And he fought honorably. He really didn't want to hurt me and I didn't want to hurt him after a minute. I'm glad Nightmare Moon showed up when she did. I think my bravado got the better of me up til then.

The enemy though... I understand that he's the only human left in this world who was every native to Equestria. The last emperor the human empire had back then and the one responsible for why humanity just vanished from this world. Some have been calling him the Forgotten Emperor. To think that he was around back when Dad was still the Dragon Lord... And he's trying to open a portal to the world James came from. Just so he can give this world and all it offers to the humans from James' world?

I've heard some disturbing things about that world. The world called Earth. How the humans who live there are cut from a very different cloth and how their influence on Equestria will ruin everything it stands for in due time. That the cultures of Earth will corrupt Equestria's people in ways they'll never come back from. I'm especially worried over what Earth's influence will do to my people. They're just a bunch of stupid punks right now. But...how bad will they get? Barbarian invaders? Raiders that torch entire towns for the fun of it? I can't shake the feeling that the dragons of Equestria are a nightmare waiting to happen if the evils of Earth ever get their hooks in them.

I must admit that in spite of the war happening and these horrifying stakes we're facing, this has been an enriching experience. I finally got to meet the royal family of Equestria that Dad always thought highly of. I like them all. Especially Nightmare Moon, she's awesome. And I was not expecting their own parents to show up to assist us. King Orbash? Queen Sunflare? Even Dad never once mentioned them to me. The power they possess... It's terrifying to imagine just how puny even we dragons are compared to the might of Equestria's royal family. Those boulderheads back home would surely change their tune if they knew exactly how far down the ladder they are compared to them.

I think I even made a genuinely good friend out here. One of the dragons of the east. That's what my people call them. To everyone else in Equestria, they are the kirin. And her name is Rain Shine. I never knew just how powerful they are until I faced her. Using the earth itself as a weapon. Wait, that's not right... She said she controls the flora that grows in the earth. Manipulating the earth is just a byproduct of that power. Beautiful and courteous, I couldn't bring myself to even remotely dislike her after she bested me so soundly in a duel. I even improved my spear skills alongside her. And together, we serve together as the... What did James like to call us? His shield-sisters? Whatever that term means, we are always by his side when trouble arrives. That last battle was our first chance to test ourselves and we worked very well together.

I heard that the kirin are a people of peace and even pacifism. But Rain Shine is a very capable warrior. Just another testament to how sorely my people underestimate the people beyond our borders. We've been stuck in the past for so long... No progress century after century... And I couldn't see it. I don't think even Dad could really see it. And it...hurt having to acknowledge that. And I don't think I ever would've seen the light had James not come to me that day.

What would I be doing right now if that man didn't just wander into the dragon lands back then? Would I still be struggling to keep those boulderheads in line? Day after day with no change? No respect? It's been five years since Dad left the Bloodstone Scepter with me. Five...wasted years of keeping those idiots in line. How long would I have done it? Five decades? Five centuries? Oh man, the thought disturbs me... All that time with no change... No improvement... I would've failed as the Dragon Lord after all... If only an outsider didn't give me the truth from a different perspective.

I still regret what I said to him that day. I told him to leave. After all the listening he did before then. He was the first since Dad to truly listen to me. And I pushed him away... All because I didn't know how to handle the truth. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to lash out. But... Ember, you idiot. You never were good at talking about your feelings. James, I'm sorry. That was a mistake. I shouldn't have told you to leave.

But I still remember that night. Just another nightmare... But they came to me in my dreams. Like...actually physically there. Nightmare Moon came to me and James was with her. He tried to leave me again. I think he was afraid of me. But I begged him to not go that time. I knew I needed him. And this time, he listened. Like he always does. That...was a good time. It felt great to be with someone who really listens to you. Someone who cares.

That was when I knew I had to find him. I needed to tell him he wasn't wrong about my land. And I did. I sent out scouts to track him down and here I am. There's an actual war going on and I was not going to let that wonderful man face the enemy without me. Even if I couldn't round up some volunteers, I had every intention of joining him in battle if I had to do it alone. He's the only one who always listens. Without fail. There is no one else alive who holds more value to me than...

.....is it really safe to talk about it here? If no one ever reads this, can I...at least admit it to myself? It's dangerous for a dragon to talk about these things... Our word is final when it comes to matters of the heart. But I guess if no one sees this... And no one hears it... Oh, fine. I guess I can just hide this somewhere when I'm done.

James... He is...a wonderful man. Not at all the kind of human my father was wary of. He bears the look of a warrior and really knows his way with magic and a sword and shield when he's wearing that enchanted armor, but he's not a warrior at heart. He hates this war. He hates being on a battlefield. I'm more at home in a fight than he is, but that poor man is poet in a knight's suit of armor. He knows the way of the sword, but I'm convinced he just sees it as another art form. He's not reckless. He's not someone who finds a thrill in hurting his enemies. But he endures... And I think it's entirely out of how much he loves this world and everything in it.

I can't imagine what he's going through right now. I do have the heart of a warrior, so I just can't emphasize as much as I want to. And now that we know he's the source of the enemy's return... Leeching off his own life energy like a parasite...

I...hate myself for what I almost did that day. It was too obvious. If James died, the enemy would die. That was all there was to it. And...I almost did it. I cornered him in his room when he was alone. I had my dagger ready. I was so sure I could do it. I knew the war would be over if I could just... Just...

Just what was wrong with me back then?! What was I thinking?! I was going to murder him! And for what?! Just to end the war right there?! He means the world to me and I almost killed him with my own hands! James, how could you ever forgive me for that? Why do you not hate me for what I almost did?

He was always the only one who listened to me... It was...such a different feeling to have a male in my company who listened to every word I said. Who actually cared. Who even said I am...beautiful. Am I beautiful? I always believed dragons are not creatures of beauty. I had no idea how to even respond to that, but he laughed when I yelled at him for it. Not the kind of response he was expecting, I bet.

Although...I do hope I am beautiful. I keep saying I am. And the more I've thought about it, the nicer the term sounds. I'm a fighter. I've always been skilled with the spear. I've hurt people when I've had to. It's something I had to get used to. Someone like that shouldn't be beautiful... But...I hope I am. I hope I'm worthy of that compliment. Because...I want to be beautiful for him.

I'm in this war because of what might happen to that man if I'm not here. If I lose him now... Who will listen to me? And that night not so long ago... When he was staying with me for his own safety, he left the bed in the middle for the night. And I found him alone at this typewriter. Said he had a dream...where I died in his arms. And he held me in tears. Said he couldn't bear to lose me...

James, you poor thing... I wonder what's going through your mind whenever you're not talking. I've seen him just go quiet for long periods of time. But I know he's listening when he's not speaking. Usually when there's too many people around. Maybe he's certain he can't get a word in when there's lots of talking going on, so he just shuts up and listens. But he certainly has a certain adoration for dragons that I don't think anyone else does. I'm just sorry my people probably disappointed him when he first met them.

Still... To think he had the gall to ask me about dragon courtship. That threw me for a loop. But I still told him all I knew. I told him about probably the best quality my people have. And it got me wondering... Why ask me that? Who was he pursuing? Was it...me? Did he have his eyes on me all along?

I was...not expecting the answer I got. Smolder. A young dragon who left the dragon lands a while ago. And only fourteen years old at this time of writing. But I quickly found out why he's drawn to her so much. When I met her, she didn't give off the feeling of a whelp. She was...weathered. Far more weathered than she should've been. Another child kicked out into the wild when they came of age. Dad was right to outlaw that. It's cruel, even by dragon standards. But there's nothing I can do about what happens in the wild sectors of my home. And I still haven't figured out how to win them over. But with Smolder, I could see why they are drawn to each other. There's a genuine sincerity between them. No one else seems to notice, but I did. A dragon's love is as stalwart as a mountain and I could see it in her eyes. I think they'll be very happy together when the time comes.

And yet... Smolder was not the first his heart wanted. He's... James is married. A more modern term for being bound to a mate. And...when I found out, it just hurt... I tried to get away, but...he stopped me. And he explained very carefully to me. I couldn't wrap my head around it at the time, but...he has multiple mates. And not just as sources of pleasure. There's...real love between them. I didn't think it was possible. I really can't imagine one dragon male having multiple mates at one time without him seeing them as trophies, but I have seen some of the few among us he does love. It's always the same, but in different ways. I think he's not entirely sure of himself yet. He's still figuring out how such a lifestyle works, but it is working. I can see it. He's...a very rare man. One who loves all of his mates without seeing them being an indication of his ego. He's a lover. He really is.

And...I didn't know it at the time. Or maybe I convinced myself for a while that I didn't. That it could never be. That it would be a mistake. But... Well, I guess as long as I only write it without saying it to anyone... Yes.... I do. I am...so in love with that man. I've never felt this kind of joy when it's just us together. We've...done things together. Things that should've terrified me because of how vulnerable I was making myself. And I was at first. But after the first time... It all came so naturally. Every kiss, every embrace, every sweet and tender word that was just shy of a confession...

I don't think he really knows yet. I mean he knows enough. He doesn't just kiss any woman like that. I can feel it in his touch. He wants me. Wants me to be his. But he still won't say it... James, do you know how madly in love with you I am? Why do you think I kissed you? Why do you think I allowed you to be inside me? To pleasure me while I pleasured you?

It really feels like this just isn't the time to consider it. He has enough on his plate right now. But someday... Someday, I hope I can be his and he can be mine. I thought such a relationship was impossible, but... The few times Rain Shine has spent the night at my place. There is a natural and mutual attraction between those two. She adores him and that's only become more clear with every night. And whenever the air becomes thick with intimacy, there's...never any tension. No rivalry, no jealousy, nothing like that between us. It feels...right. It feels natural. The way he holds and caresses us both, the way he kisses us back and forth... James. You really do know what you're doing. You can do this. You can make this all work. You've convinced me. We can all be yours and you can be ours and everything will be just fine.

And yet...as much as I want to tell him, I'm not sure if I can. Am I good enough for him? Am I beautiful enough for him? What if I'm too overbearing? Is he wary of me? Does he think I'm too violent? What if he...

Heh, wow. Just look at me now. Here I am, a century and a quarter after I first hatched, the mighty Dragon Lord herself, and I'm flustering over a man like a whelp who just saw a handsome drake for the first time. Is this what it's really like being in love?

But more than that... What if he says no? What if I tell him...and he just doesn't want me like I want him? I don't know if I could take that. I know for sure there's not a single male in the dragon lands I could ever give my heart to. Those boulderheads would never appreciate me like he does. I don't fear him. He's held me. He's kissed me. I've been more vulnerable in his arms than I've ever been in my life and any fear I had at first isn't there anymore. But this... This one obstacle is the one thing I can't stop being afraid of. I want to tell him...and I'm just too terrified to even try.

I pushed him away when he told me a truth I didn't want to hear. I almost murdered him with my own hands to take the quick and easy way out of this war. He has every reason to doubt me. Every reason to say no. He will... I know he will. No one would ever accept the feelings of someone who almost took a dagger to their throat. And that's not a pain I can bring myself to live with. Better to...stay safe.

It's not like I was the only one who considered killing him to end the war right away. I can't believe my own men almost gained up on him when he was unarmed and out of his armor. I swear, I'll kill them all if even one of them is involved if James ever turns up dead. I'll tear them apart with my bare hands...

It's not just them either. I think the rest of the militia is starting to doubt him. Rain Shine's mentioned to me that she's felt animosity from the people around her sometimes. And with all that malice directed at James. The kirin are empathetic like that. She can sense it. By this point, I'm afraid to let James out of my sight whenever he leaves my cottage or the command center. Rain Shine or I have to escort him at all times. No one's tried anything yet, but the knowledge that his allies are starting to resent him is really starting to get to James...

He blames himself for this war by now. Even moreso now that Nightmare Moon was nearly killed in the prior battle. The rage I saw that day and the next night when he intercepted a light infantry battalion approaching under the cover of dark... I actually felt afraid of him for a moment. I hope this war doesn't break him. There's so much I want to do and see with him once the war is over. Even if there's some things I can never tell him...

I've had dreams about him lately when he slept by my side. Dreams I wish could come true. I remember...seeing the dragon lands. But not like how they are now. They were...better. Everyone was happier. And James was with me. There was...a crown of some kind on his head. And I remember holding something in my arms... Round, but not too round. Smooth too... An egg? My egg?

I had the same dream again the very next night. But this time, there was no egg in my arms. Something alive and small. Something...that wrapped a tiny hand around my fingers... I remember looking down at who it was. And...he had his eyes...

OK, snap out of it, Ember. You know what you saw. And it's way too soon for you to even start thinking about having kids. You're not ready and you know it. Still a really nice dream though... What would Dad say if he ever saw this? The Dragon Lord falling in love with an outsider? Let alone a human? Well, it's not like he can stop me anymore. He always did warn me about males taking advantage of me if I allowed just any punk to get close to me. Would he approve of James? I get the weirdest feeling Dad would be very fond of him. He was always a lot more reasonable than most give him credit for. I just wish I knew enough about Mom... I can't ask anyone for advice on this. I really am on my own when it comes to my heart, huh?

Besides, even if I ever did tell James, I would have to talk to his wife before anything else could be considered. She was the first. She's the alpha. The matriarch of his family. She decides who gets to be his in the same way she is. And... Oh my goodness, I just remembered. They have a child. Or was it two?

Don't start fantasizing now, Ember. Like that would ever happen. But...I do want to talk to her when this whole mess is over. And I'll see to it James returns home alive. If he loves her as much as I think he does, I can't imagine how it would break her if he didn't make it home alive. I won't let that happen to her. Or to anyone else who's waiting at home for him.

James.... I'm with you to the end, my love. Even if you'll never know what's really in my heart. And if you don't make it... If there's no other way... I promised you. If you must die, I'll do it. I'll spill your blood as painlessly as possible. I'll hold you until you're finally cold. And then I'll be right behind you. And...I'll tell you. I'll tell you before you go. If you have to die, I'll tell you everything. Even if you won't have time to give an answer.

Huh... Maybe I should do this more often. It actually feels nice to just put all my thoughts down on paper like this. I think they say it's therapeutic? Whatever that means. I'm sure people are wondering what I'm up to right now though. And it's probably almost dinner time. I love all the different types of food these ponies eat. It's no gemstones, but there's just so many flavors!

OK, now I've gone and gotten myself hungry. I better head over to the command center and see what on the buffet line tonight. I want to be close to James anyway. He needs all the support he can get and I know he values my presence. He knows no one will mess with him while the Dragon Lord is by his side. And he says I give him courage...

You give me hope, James. You made me able to believe in tomorrow. In return, I'll make sure you live to see tomorrow day after day. No one will touch you while I'm your shield. We'll get through this together. As for what happens next... Well, I hope there's something waiting for both of us. Together. You won't ever push me away, will you?

Now, where do I hide all these sheets of paper? I'll want to take them with me when the war's over. Well...maybe... Meh, I'll figure it out tonight. As for right now, my stomach demands a hot meal. I can already smell something in the air.