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So yes, I'm continuing this and it's becoming... less inspired but there are things I'm still learning from its writing so it's not wasted time is it?

Part 4

The evenings are still cool and Miki is still with me. I would say the same for Vanessa except that I suspect Vanessa is me; I wonder if there is a difference.

I didn't want to go to this stupid dance but Miki strongly suggested that it would be good for us both. She isn't even in the school but I have to say that the walk alone makes the entire thing worthwhile; I get to hold her.

Yes, the strangest and least abject of my life is that I am alright. I think I am beginning to understand why. The answer, in short, is spirituality.

I think, not like others understand it. There is an internal world which occupies who I am; who I am meant to be. In here I feel like myself and there is a peace devoid of contradictions from the outside world. In my world I am a wolf with horns and nothing extra, nothing special. I am me. But to the outside world I am something as strange as a wolf with horns and Vanessa was a goat with pointed teeth. Why the outside world wants to qualify us with that extra, something strange... I know why but I do not think I realize it yet.

Maybe my spirituality is as others understand it, I do not know. Maybe that is what's meant when others inevitably refer to spirituality as personal. All I know is that I am a wolf with horns and nothing extra.

Mr. Miyazaki's words haunt me now as I approach the school under the oaks and with Miki on my arm. He had spoken to me of stupid Westerners who stereotyped him as Chinese because he is a Japanese canine breed; the Akina Iku, like his daughter.

I had said "But Mr. Miyazaki, we're not all like that." offended that he so readily threw us all over the same bough.

His answer had not meant much to me apart from the intellectual relevance of the statement "Goat-san, the parts represent the whole. If most Westerners mistake me then there is an element in being Western which causes them to mostly make the mistake. Ah, Wolf-san, you have strong Buddha nature but you are not strong Buddha nature. Do you understand?"

"I understand the part about Westerners Mr. Miyazaki but..." I had replied.

"I do not think you understand." He interrupted.

I continued "...but not about Buddha nature. What's the difference between being and having? Is it an Eastern thing?"

"It is an ALL thing Goat-san. Do not worry about it. Only worry about not giving my daughter babies. She is too young."

"My genetics won't let me make babies Mr. Miyazaki. It is a wolf-goat thing." I had assured him, blushing.

"No worries then, for me or you, wolfgoat-san." And with that he had waved me away. Vanessa had been strangely quiet throughout this conversation and had refused to discuss it with me afterwards.

Miki is dressed in her usual two-piece style of button shirt and skirt. "You look lovely tonight." I whisper into her upturned ear.

She looks up at me, wonderment colouring her eyes like stars illuminating the abyss "You say I do not always look lovely?"

"Of course...' I splutter, 'you're always lovely Miki."

With a paw on my chest she steps out in front of me halting our stroll in the dim moonlight under the oaks. Suddenly the thumping of dance music coming from the school seems far more alluring than her scrutiny. I glance over her shoulder at the lights, and movement from the school hall. Only the starry glints in her eyes are visible to me now.

She doesn't say a word and I remain in the palpable grasp of stillness. I'm afraid to say anything more lest I incriminate myself further for the apparent crime of always thinking she's lovely. Even the breeze seems to hold its breath as each passing second sinks my heart a little more.

"Come," she says finally, tugging at my paw. She jogs lightly towards the school hall with me in tow. But instead of the entrance she angles us towards a small alley between a classroom and the hall where a lamp casts its faint glow. We hit a patch of gravel which noisily protests our passing.

Under the lamp, she positions me by the shoulders and takes a step backwards. She says "And you look very handsome."

"Uhm, 'I gulp uncertainly 'thank you?"

Her tone evens out "You treat me like a pretty heirloom, as if fragile and easy to shatter." I try to read her starry eyes but fall short, her passivity of expression; the slack muzzle, lidded eyes and unmoving nose, is impossible to break. Her dress rustles like a candle's flame in the listless breeze

"I don't mean to treat you... strangely." Despair creeps into my voice. I had never meant to make her feel anything badly.

"Not strangely. But like a jewel." There is the slightest evidence of amusement in the way that the skin contracts around her eyes. What's going on? "What is so lovely about me?" she asks finally.

"Well... your rose coloured dress. It makes you look like a silk flower. And the bow around your neck is... lovely..."

"And" she says expectantly.

"And, you smell amazing.' I catch a whiff of her perfume and I know I'm not lying 'You always smell nice. It makes me crazy."

"Only my clothing and perfume?" she asks cocking her head.

Suddenly I realize that she's fishing for compliments and I say so. "You're fishing for compliments." I laugh, suddenly relieved that I had not offended her.

"And you are a tiny pond, overflowing for my nets. You shall make me fat with your fish if I do not take care."

"You are already fat with cruelty." I accuse her with a light and happy heart.

She holds out her slim arms to me, they are a question mark behind the words 'Forgive me'. I step into them without hesitation, as if saying I was never troubled. She folds herself around my waist and I pull her tight to me, tenderly stroking her neck. It feels like I am drowning in the essence of Miki, and gladly. I kiss the top of her head.

A surreptitious paw crawls up my quivering back and gently grabs hold of one of my horns. Her mask reveals itself to me and she pulls my head down towards her. I don't resist as the distance closes, and our lips gently touch upon one another. Lightly, almost gingerly she kisses me. The overwhelming sweetness of her lips is a dragnet which draws me inexorably into intoxication. The pressure on my horn becomes more insistent, almost eager as the kiss hardens. A cool breeze floods through the alleyway; whether it is the cold crawling up my spine or a sense of Miki's own anticipation affecting a shiver, I do not know. All I'm sure of is this beautiful creature's close proximity.

The kiss breaks and I am left in the twilight of a pleasant spring evening entwined with a being that seems intent on teaching me of love; things only considered in abstracts reserved for naïve beings. Eyes so large, threatening to devour my soul, reflects the lamp's light.

"The dance,' Miki's listless words drift to me 'we should get to it."

The world, as it has a knack to do, intrudes on things better left outside its spheres. Deep primal thumps, caused by the music's bass, inject a sudden horror into me and the thought of leaving behind this Oasis of Miki for the crass interactions of a high school dance feels like an evil contrast. I understand now the fears of explorers; when they first heard the drums of war in the unexplored depths of African forests; claustrophobia exacerbated by the unknown.

"Why would you want to spoil our first kiss with those idiots?" I ask from somewhere between apprehension and angst.

"We came here, to be here." She shakes loose from my arms and nudges me weakly out of the alley. I hold out my paw to her. She shakes her head refusing to take it. She motions towards the school hall and sombrely we make our way towards the triviality of the dance. The bass clarifies into song and guitar and snares as we approach.

I am met at the door by Cynthia who sits behind a small desk collecting tickets. Strangely enough she actually smiles at the sight of me, which is strange since I consider her to be one of Brett's female counterparts insofar as school politics goes; she's a cool kid and I am not affiliated with any of the cliques.

"Hi Cynthia," I greet her, trying to sound upbeat.

"You can call me Cindy." She waves shortly and I detect none of her usual malice, instead there's a warmness.

"I'd rather call you by your name.' I say holding out the tickets to her 'Entrance for two please."

Her smile dims as she takes the tickets. "Who's your date?" she asks.

I hadn't noticed but Miki is standing directly behind me; Cynthia hadn't noticed it either. Miki steps out and I introduce her "Cynthia, this is Miki." Miki curtsies, bowing her head in greeting.

Cynthia's smile disappears as she takes in the sight of my date and stamps the tickets. I stand by waiting for Cynthia to acknowledge Miki but this does not happen, she refuses further words. I feel anger welling up from somewhere; I suppress the urge to force the issue.

Miki supersedes my inevitable mean-spirited bite at Cynthia by nudging me onwards. She says to Cynthia as we pass "Pleased to meet you."

"Don't talk to me you Jap bitch." I hear Cynthia say.

That does it, I swing around "You don't fucking tal-"

Miki urgently grabs my arm pushing me across the border into the hall, away from the ticket taking bitch. The music washes over me at an uncomfortable volume. The hall is filled to the brim with my school mates. Bright lights flash in blues, greens and reds, reflecting off a huge disco-ball which had somehow been attached to the high roof.

I calm myself as Miki attaches herself to me once again. From her low vantage point, I see that she's surveying the hall impassively. I lean down to her ear and yell "Do you want something to drink?!"

Her eyebrows rise as a question-mark as a blue light, then a green flash across her face. She can't understand me over the noise.

I lean closer "Do you want something to drink!"

She shakes her head at me looking almost panicked. I weave my way raggedly towards a side door leading into a courtyard, keeping Miki close behind me. We reach one of those peculiar open spots that tend to appear within a crowd. The dancers writhe like a living wall around us and I can't spot an opening to get through. Suddenly there's a gap, one of Brett's rugby buddies dances, or rather stumbles through it. Taking a few steps I aim to get into the gap and out of this god damned hall but there's a rough jerk and Miki is ripped from my grasp. I turn to see her on the floor, her eyes flitting around fearfully and Brett's buddy stands apologetically over her.

It could be the lights but my vision fills with angry red. Unthinking I shove the careless prick away from Miki and he stumbles, loses his footing and falls into the crowd. Desperately I grab Miki's tiny arm and pull her up. Fuck the crowd, I shove and push my way through, tugging her along through a sea of angry murmurs.

I knew that coming here was a bad idea.