FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Your body hungers for air, making you gasp, sharply inhaling whatever mixture this station's administrators considered optimal. A feeling of panic overcomes you just the moment after as you realize that everything is dark.

Then you remember.

The doc told you that you'd wake up blind. You relaxed, sank back into the medibed you now knew you were in. Did the procedure work? "Ah, you are back. Quite on time. Splendid. As we discussed, getting your mind used to the new body is a step-by-step process." That's the doc's voice. It seems that your recent memory is at least intact.

"Now hold still and just... focus on your body, how it feels, how it's shaped. You may already feel new appendages. I apologize if they don't sit comfortably, but we'll get that sorted in a moment."

You give a quick nod and a grunt. The grunt feels different in your throat. You can feel your pulse. It really worked! A snapping sound. You feel your ears turn towards it, which is an entirely new sensation to have. And it let you know where the sound was coming from! Your ears immediately rotated towards another snap on the other side! You could feel not just your heart beating but also something at your butt trying to wiggle free. "Now, inhale deeply through your nose and tell me what you smell."

You do. There's so much going on, it's overwhelming. You wonder if that's why they use eyemasks. To make sure you won't get overwhelmed by new senses, especially if you get enhanced ones. Opening your mouth, you try to say what comes to your mind, but all that comes out is a dry cough at first. "Easy, easy. Keep trying, this is normal. Your mind still thinks it's in its old body and therefore tries to use everything as it used to be. The good news is, you will adapt really fast. Only a small percentage of people experience body dysmorphia to the point it becomes a problem. And with your psychological profile, I reckon you'll quite take to this one."

You relaxed, taking a deep breath. Then you tried to describe the smell again. "Burnt wood." The way you pronounced the R made it sound more like a growl. A slight smirk crossed your face but it felt all different and weird. In a good way."

"Close enough. You'll get the hang of it in time." You hear a thud, a bit of a rattle. Your smirk grows to a grin as you could pinpoint where it came from.

"Oh wow, is that a grin? My, my. What big teeth you have, grandma." The doc chuckles.

"Now, close your eyes and I'll slowly undo the blindfold." You feel the doc's hands on the side of your head, then the fabric is coming off your eyes. The term "Happy Hoodie" comes to mind.

You could see the light of the room hitting your eyelids. "Now, slowly open your eyes."

It was glaringly bright. You squeezed them shut again and groaned, little fireworks flashing in front of them.

"And that is why I do this step while you are still horizontal, haha." the doc quips with another chuckle. "Try again, but slower. Your eyes are new. Haven't ever been used before. Just like the rest of your body. I'll tone down the brightness in the room a bit."

A few moments later, you try again. Slowly. It's better; the sudden brightness doesn't surprise you as much. The room was dipped in blue light. Your sense of smell also starts to pick up more, now that it's been "kickstarted". Was this how "sterile" smelled? Like a public bath but dry? You turned your head to the sides, slowly getting a feel of the room. You have been here minutes before. Somewhere here, the old You is lying, sleeping, a dreamless sleep of an empty shell. The room was mostly white, with a few dark panels on the walls, likely hiding emergency gear. There was a mirror too, you knew that, even if you couldn't see. There had to be a mirror. It was procedure and you wanted to see yourself. You force your body up, slowly, making sure you won't slip and keel over again. The doc makes a fuss, but it was background noise for you at this point. You're too eager to see yourself. You have to.

"Mirror!" you growl, and one of the wall panels shifts into a mirror.

And then you see her. You? Yourself! Clasping a hand over your mouth, you get on your feet. You're still too wobbly, so you put a hand on the bed for support. You've seen her... no, you're her!! You have seen the body before. You helped design it. Laid down the specifications. But it's different when it's not just a piece of meat on a slab. Now it's you. The fingers on your mouth relax, tracing the white furred snout of your new wolf face. Running over the rough black nose. Touching the whiskers beneath it. Then you see your new eyes. Deep and amber. Your eyes. The eyes that never stared back at you for decades. You remember this morning. A stranger was looking back at you from the mirror. But these? These are your eyes. This is your face.

A sob escapes your throat. You sigh deeply. For the first time, it feels like you can relax. No need to hold on to this mask of a person you've never been. You played a role for others. Never for yourself. You tried to fight it, but the tears came anyway. Sobbing turns into joyful crying. Pain that was held back by the masks has broken down. Just let it all out, because today your life starts anew. There was no hiding anymore because you were how you should be. After you dry your tears, you give your reflection a warm smile. And you liked that new smile. It was awkward on the wolfen face, but you'd master it in time.

There were a lot of new things to learn. But the beauty of it was that you now felt you could do more than just endure.