Second Chances : Chapter 5
#8 of Ar
Authors note - So I had originally planned this to be my happy chapter but, I felt this was necissary before I moved onto the more lighthearted stuff. As always I wanna say thanks to all of those who fav/rate/watch and a special thanks to all yall's who keep commenting. As always this story contains gay themes so if this bothers you stop here.
I also want to thank Sam softpaw for encouraging me and helping me edit this chapter. Thanks man you've been awsome :).
Immediately after lunch my day turned from painfully quick with my nervousness to meet Luke to agonizingly slow waiting for the time to come when I would see him after school. 5th period was especially slow with Statistics, math is definitely not my favorite even if I am pretty good at it. I eventually made it through the class though; I was so ready to bolt from my seat I had gotten a couple looks from my desk neighbors earlier in the period. This was, more often than not, a common occurrence with me for 6th period was my absolute favorite, and I had been waiting for three long years in high school so I could have room in my schedule for musical theatre. That's right I said it, Musical Theatre. I honestly can't describe how much I love this class and it doesn't even have anything to do with my ability to sing. My love stems from the emotional release I get from pouring my heart out into whatever it is that I performing for the class. In that moment I'm no longer 'Rose the failure' but whoever's character I'm trying to portray, whether that be John Hinckley singing 'Unworthy of your Love' or Amos Hart belting 'Mr. Cellophane' it doesn't matter. As long as I'm not me. Unfortunately today is a 'find what song your going to perform next' day and those days kinda suck, especially for people like me who've had their next song to pour our hearts into picked out before we even finished performing our previous numbers. So sitting and waiting for 6th to drone by, doing nothing, I sat and that faint smell of apples hit me like a hammer to the temple as I spent the period on my ass fantasizing about Luke.
When the bell finally rang I almost didn't hear it, being so engrossed in my daydreaming, but I hurried to the parking lot nonetheless. My heart sank when I didn't immediately see Luke. Did he not really mean it? Was this just a hoax to get my hopes up and then crush them? He must have found out I liked him and bolted, I mean who was I to dirty the air he breathed with my faggy failures? Just when I was about to turn to leave and burst into tears from beating myself up I caught a glimpse of his black ear tips. I stood there, dumbfounded and happy, with the stupidest grin plastered to my face. I couldn't believe he actually came, I almost blushed immediately as I realized I had been one of the first in the lot, convincing myself he wasn't going to come and then turning to leave in less than 5 minutes. I can be so stupid when it comes to love, especially when it's about him.
"Hey Ar! Ok before you say anything I had different plans when I asked you to come to the parking lot but, I thought of something even better. So is it ok if I pick you up at your house at around 5:30? Plus I have some homework I have to do," he was talking so fast it was cute, almost endearing the way he sounded so flustered. I was disappointed that he didn't want to hang out immediately but I did my darndest not to let it show.
"It's all right," I said with a slightly forced chuckle, "I've got homework I should be doing too, and 5:30 would be wonderful." I smiled lightly and turned to walk away, doing my best to not let my disappointment show. Suddenly I felt a firm but gentle paw on my shoulder that stopped me and guided me to turn around.
"Hey don't you have a car? The parking lot is this way buddy." I guess my disappointment was apparent because the way he asked made me quiver, his voice was dripping with concern. Concern for me, that I didn't deserve, it tore violently at my heart and emotional defenses.
"Oh, yeah... I forgot to mention that... my parents took my car away," I said this slowly, deliberately, making sure to dance around why it was taken away. Sure he saw me carried into the ambulance but, he might not of deduced why yet, or maybe he did know but just hadn't gotten concrete evidence yet.
"Why would your parents take your car away? Bad grades or something?"... or he was completely clueless.
"Yeah something," I almost breathed out a sigh of relief, one I wasn't aware I was holding in.
"It's ok, you can tell your new buddy what happened," he poked jovially, "it's not like I have never done anything wrong."
"Yeah I'm sure you've never messed up this badly though... you're not as weak as I am," I felt his mood drop. Damn it I still wish I would think more before I speak! I just ruined his good mood and let on to the possibility of what I did to end up in that ambulance.
"Ar," he said in a low, very serious, and almost threatening tone. Then nothing, he just waited for me to respond, to understand how dead serious he was about my answering truthfully. He had the same piercing gaze set on me when we were walking back to my home, daring me to lie, this time they seemed almost more intense. It was hard to imagine it was still the same day.
"Yes?" I answered tentatively.
"What DID you do to get your car taken away?" He spoke slowly, assertively, like someone who knew what was coming but wanted to hear the confession first hand, from the person who ought to have told him earlier what was going on. I drew a deep breath and then started to speak, trying to steady my shaking voice.
"Well, it has something to do... with... um... what you saw Tuesday morning," my sentence that had started slow and strong slowed to a crawl and then sped up in the end, like I was trying to speak fast enough so he wouldn't understand the last part. At this point he started to grip my shirt, lightly clenched in his right paw and he turned dragging me into the parking lot. He turned to me as we floated through the parking lot, him on fury, me on depression, as we rode our emotions deep into the parking lot stopping at a 2001 ford focus.
"Get in, I think this deserves more privacy," he said this to me forcefully, telling, not asking. His face was stone and I didn't know what to do except follow his instructions as I opened the passenger door and slid down into the seat. I was on the brink of tears when he sat down and turned to me, he put his paw on my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes and that was when I noticed mine weren't the only ones watering. I honestly couldn't tell you what his eyes were watering from, he had so many visible emotions, so plainly laid out for my viewing that it became hard to distinguish one from the other. There was sadness, rage, regret, worry, hope, and honesty all packaged into a bomb that was lingering just below the surface of his face. This was my fault, I was causing this to him. I broke down in tears. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. He just held my chin, looking into my eyes as I sobbed.
"I'm sorry, I'm *hic* so sorry, I should've died. I really shouldn't of been born. I, I..." I trailed off no longer able to form coherent words and he pulled me into a hug. Wrapping his arms softly around my convulsing body and he laid his muzzle on my shoulder and just held me. It would've been the greatest moment of my life if I hadn't been sobbing so hard I feared my eyes might pop out. That was when I felt what turned this into a moment even more painful than when my mom visited me in the hospital, I felt wetness at my back. He was crying too. I couldn't bare the thought of me making him cry again, so with the last of my remaining strength I pulled my arms around him, and we cried into each others arms.