FSE

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Chapter 1

My legs hung there, dangling in the warm night air four stories above the rocky river bed. An empty canal that once flowed with water now laid empty, a feeling I had now grown accustomed to. Tears streamed down my face, rolled off my cheeks, and drifted off into the wind as if they were to replenish the dried stream. I was lost, adrift in a world that I couldn't face. I wiped the tears off my face and looked up at the full moon high above.

With a sniffle, my mouth opened as if to say something aloud but nothing came out. It wouldn't have mattered though, I was alone, no one around for miles; just me and the old abandoned bridge that, much like me, once had purpose.

I had come to this spot for a while to clear my head, to regain perspective but, this time... This time was different. I rubbed my hands along the concrete wall and felt all the bumps and imperfections. Much like me, it was also damaged, only the bridge was scheduled to be torn down and rebuilt as a dam. Like a phoenix from the ashes, born anew with a fresh start. How lovely that must have been.

I pulled my legs back up and stood atop the barrier, looking down below. Somehow the distance felt even further than just moments ago. The wind blew by, raking through my hair and clothes as I raised my arms into the air. My head tilted back up at the moon, my eyes closed shut as I took a deep breath and felt at peace.

The alarm began to blare on Monday morning, a day signifying the end of the weekend and the start of a new week. A week that would feel like an eternity. Much like every Monday I didn't want to wake up but, little did I know I never should have crawled out of that bed.

"Colton, get your ass out of that bed!" My mother called from down the hall. She was getting ready for work as well as trying to wake up two of her kids in high school as well as two in middle school. Lucky for her she didn't have to get the oldest one up for college, he lived in the dorms on campus.

I climbed out of bed no different than normal. I stretched, scratched, and headed into the shower and began to get ready. My older brother and I would pass one another as we got ready, he was a senior in high school and I was just a year below. Despite being brothers we actually got along, a nice change of pace from my friend Derrick and his older brother. Those two were constantly at each other's throat.

Once I was showered and dressed I headed down stairs. The light on the cathedral ceiling lit up the stairs and entryway as I walked down. My brothers and sister sat in the kitchen eating their breakfast. My two younger siblings were munching on their cereal at the bar and my older brother; Maximus snatched the toast out of the toaster. Me? Well, I wasn't one for breakfast so I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee.

The sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor filled the air as my mother came walking into the kitchen. She wore her typical blazer and dress pants for her job at the university. My father was already gone for the day. He worked as a construction worker all over the city. He was even planning the dam project that was just a few weeks away.

"So how's my little snowflake doing?" My mother said as she entered and ruffled my hair. I was a white and gray husky with long white hair coming down my head and landed on my chest. My pointed ears poked through the hair on top, a few strands made their way onto my face.

The rest of my family was black and gray huskies. In every family portrait I stuck out like a sore thumb physically; in my head I stuck out way more than anyone else thought.

I always felt pressure to perform in the family. My older brother, the one in college, he got there on a scholarship and was on the fast track to NASA. My other older brother, Max, was the athlete, the star quarterback.

Me? I wasn't anything to brag about. I wasn't the star athlete or the smart one in the family. I played soccer but, I wasn't the best. I got some A's but, mostly B's. I guess to the outside world I was average but, compared to my brothers I was an underachiever. Part of me didn't care but, another part did. It was a constant battle for control.

"Stop." I told her as I jerk my head to the side, away from her.

"What happened to you?" She poured her coffee into a travel mug. "You used to love it when I called you that." She sealed her mug and headed towards the garage. "Have a good day you four. Love you."

"Love you too, Mommy!" My younger sister called out.

Those words, 'I love you', used to mean something so differently. Everything used to be different. I used to be different but, lately I've changed, my world has changed, and I won't be the same again no matter how hard I tried.

I just stood there in the corner of the kitchen, sipped my coffee, and stared in the emptiness of the room, getting lost in thought. That was a space I had grown accustomed to, the emptiness and my thoughts.

Once I snapped back to reality my younger siblings were gone and headed for the school bus. Max had grabbed his duffle bag full of his football gear and headed towards his car.

"Come on bud." He called out. I put my mug in the sink and headed out to my car as well.

Parked on the street was my car, a silver sedan; my brothers car was just behind mine, a black sports car. While we got along and at times did things together it was easier on my parents for us to have separate cars.

I had turned the key and the car roared to life. I pulled the shifter into gear and started to head down the street before my brother got into his. I was in my own world so much that I didn't even realize it. It was like my body was on autopilot and I was just along for the ride.

Before I knew it I was already walking through the halls of school. I passed all my classmates on the way to my locker, grabbed my books and made my way to my first class. It wasn't until I sat down that I realized I was in school. It was a scary thought snapping back into reality and being in a completely different place.

Despite how much I'd get lost in thought, or how different I felt I really was a happy Husky. I enjoyed life, I enjoyed my friends both in person and online. I really did have a good life it was just complicated at the moment. And in that moment, complicated walked right through the door.

Axel Adam a white, tan, and brown fox. He always wore black and gray tank tops that hugged his muscular torso. His brown hair was tossed between his pointed ears. He was popular and sweet. He was a junior as well, captain of the wrestling squad, and he was one of the smartest guys in my class.

It was hard not to stare at him each time I saw him but I had to try. No one knew I was gay, not my friends, not my family, no one. And that's how I wanted to keep it, until I at least went off to college. I've read stories, I've seen 'Love Simon', even if my family accepted me my classmates might not. And I'm not even sure my gruff, construction worker father could wrap his head around the thought his son dating another guy. It just wasn't something I was ready to say aloud just yet. And that was okay, I knew everyone had their time, when they were ready.

What was harder was the fact that Axel sat right next to me in my first period. He was close enough to smell his cologne, or it was his natural scent, either way it was intoxicating. Every time I inhaled I just wanted to jump onto him.

"Hey, Colton." Axel said to me as he sat down at his desk.

"He-Hey." I managed to crack out and clear my throat. I hated the fact that I liked a straight guy but I was the only gay guy in my school. As far as I was aware of that is.

I didn't go to a big school. My class size was about three hundred students and we were one of the largest. Collectively the entire school had about a thousand students in it, everyone knew everyone to some extent.

The teacher walked into the room and said, "Alright class, open your books to chapter twelve..."

It wasn't long before it was already lunch; the only decent part of the school day. Each time I was in class I was worried about some new project or assignment that required us to be in groups or to speak to the class.

Everything I did I was worried someone would discover I was gay. Hell, when I was a freshman a sophomore asked me if I was and I had to consistently say no even though I knew deep down that I was. It was like I was walking on eggshells every second of every day. Lunch was the only time I was able to somewhat be myself.

Students were mixed together in the lunchroom from all grades and classes. There were four lunch periods and mine was the second, in the middle of my biology class.

I had grabbed my food and headed over to our usual table and sat down. Each table sat eight and I was the first one there. Each time I was in the cafeteria I would look around the room and see whose looking at me. I hated being so paranoid all the time. I just wanted to stand on top of the table and shout that I was gay just to get it over with but, the mere thought made my palms sweat.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I failed my chemistry exam." I snapped back to reality to see Derrick, a Cheetah, sitting down next to me.

Derrick was easily my best friend. We had been together since middle school. No matter what life threw at us I always had him at my side. It killed me not to tell him my secret but I had no choice. I'll tell him at some point, he'll be the first one I tell. If Derricks not there for me then I couldn't go through with telling anyone else. At least not for a while.

"If I get one more F I'm going to be kicked off the track team and my parents will kill me." He put his face into his paws and he sighed. "I just don't get it dude. I study and study but, I just can pass these stupid tests."

I swallowed my bite before I finally answered, "Just ask Mr. Williams if you can retake it. Sometimes they let you do that."

"What, is he talking about how he failed Williams chem exam?" A new voice had entered the fray. Our friends, Christopher and Caleb, a pair of twin Otters sat down at the table as well.

They were mostly school friends, you know, the type that you mostly see at school but almost never outside those four walls. Well, we at least played video games together and only recently started to hang out but, only in a group, never just them and I.

"Some people aren't good test takers." Caleb responded. It wasn't too terrible to tell them apart. Caleb seemed a bit more feminine than his brother Christopher. The type of person you may question was gay but, wouldn't be certain so you just dismissed it. He didn't act that different, his voice was borderline 'gay voice' as some would say.

"Yeah, don't beat yourself up over it. You'll get the results tomorrow. I'm sure you passed." I chimed back in.

"Maybe with a D." Derrick murmured.

"It's still passing bro!" Christopher said with a mouth full of food. Some crumbs shooting out of his mouth and onto the table.

"Classy." Caleb brushed the crumbs off his face. "Always classy. I swear if we weren't twins I wouldn't be able to believe we were related."

I chuckled to myself as I chewed on my food. A few others joined our table but, kept to themselves. It wasn't uncommon for others to join, there weren't many tables, and it kind of forced you to socialize. My freshman year was hell because of that. I didn't know anyone in my lunch period and just joined a table hoping they accepted me. That's actually how we met Chris and Caleb, they were new to the school and joined our table last year.

Chris swallowed his food with a loud gulp as if he was forcing it down. "So you guys down to play some paintball tonight? We were going to get some people together to play."

A wave of nerves rushed through my body. I didn't know what to say, I wanted to say yes but, I didn't want to embarrass myself. I had never played paintball before. I also didn't want to say yes and not have Derrick there as a buffer. I didn't think I was ready to hang out with them alone yet. I wasn't too sure we were at that level of friendship.

"Yeah, we'll be there." Derrick responded quickly. "You don't have to work tonight right, Colt?"

"No. I do tomorrow, though. I'm down to play tonight!" I tried to sound excited because I was but, not too excited where I made it weird. I just couldn't get out of my own head. It was infuriating.

After another twenty minutes of food and conversation, the lunch bell rang signaling the end of our lunch period. We all got up and headed back to our classes. Now I had to try and figure out the rules of paintball and how to not embarrass myself. Something new to worry about for the second half of the day. Great.