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"Tall Tails"

The sun was beating down pretty hard on Babs Bunny and Shirley McLoon as they trudged home after another long day of classes. It was the middle of spring, but it felt like the height of summer; summer vacation was still three weeks away, but with the heat coming down so heavy that days in class seemed to last ten hours longer than usual. Especially because the air conditioning being down. Babs was still fanning off her underarms as they made the corner leading toward her house.

"I'm telling you, I am so glad it's the weekend. I can't take the heat anymore!"

"Oh like, yah I totally agree with you on that Babs. If I had read my crystal ball this morning and it would have told me class would feel like surface-of-the-sun, I probably would've skipped it."

"And Fifi." Babs moaned. "Is it just me or did the heat sort of accentuate her more... odorous qualities?"

"If you mean did I notice she like... smelled more than usual? I'm going to have to agree with you there. I could barely move away from my open window seat without some sort of a clothespin on my nose."

"If I would have been closer I would have jumped out that window."

Both girls laughed heartily at that as they made their way toward the end of the block. They were caught off guard by a smell that permeated the air around them and both looked at one another with a sense of impending dread Fifi was close, likely standing just around the corner. As they approached the Bunny hole that Babs lived in, they could see the purple skunk sitting on the sidewalk, sobbing. As the two approached, Babs reached out. "Fifi? Are you--okay?" She asked, swallowing the lump in her throat to hold her breath."

"Oh Shirley. Babs! I am so--how you say--upset right now!"

"Like, why are you upset?" Shirley asked.

Fifi looked at them, her eyes glistening with tears. "I couldn't take the bus home, the driver kicked me off for some unknown reason! Now I am trying to make it home and I thought I would sit and rest for a while, but nobody wants to talk to me." She began to cry. "What is wrong with me?!"

Babs rushed over to Fifi, and with a whirlwind costume change dressed up like Humphry Bogart and grabbed the skunk by the shoulder. "Now see here, kid. You got nothing to prove to these people. Because they like you. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow. But soon they're gonna figure it out..." She whirled again, returning to her normal self. "Because your real friends like you for who you are."

Fifi sniffled and wiped her eye. "Really?"

"Oh, totally!" Shirley chimed in.

"Then, perhaps...if you girls aren't busy, maybe we could have a sleepover this weekend? With cookies, and boy talk and fun?"

"Aw, like. Darn." Shirley said, snapping her finger. "I would, but my dad's like taking us out of town and we won't be back until like real late Sunday." Babs shot Shirley a dirty look. "But I'm sure Babs doesn't have anything going on. You should ask her!"

Babs' scathing look was subtly ignored by the skunk who turned to him with a renewed smile on her face. "Oh, Babs! We would have so much fun! 'Ave much making up and we could talk about the deescusting boys and how hot they are! Oh we would 'ave so much fun! What do you say?"

Babs smiled, her eyes were on the verge of tears from Fifi's smell. "Sounds like fun!" She said through her teeth.

"Oooohhoho!" Fifi exclaimed, bouncing all around, twirling and letting her tail encircle her a few times. "I shall go home right now and get ready, I am so excited!" She giggled before bounding off down the street.

Babs glared at Shirley, who was casually tip-toeing away. "You couldn't leave it alone, could you?"

"What? She's like, our best friend."

"Not during this kind of heat. Now I'm going to need to casually sneak clothespins on my nose just so I can breathe through my mouth."

***

Evening was coming on fast by the time Babs was making her way outside to head to Fifi's house, when she was joined by her friend Buster Bunny; to which the pair would constantly quip "No relation".

"Hey Babs, what's up?" Buster asked as he joined her and observed her backpack filled with her sleepover equipment. "Running away? Deciding to live your life out on the lamb? Pullin' up stakes?"

"Nah, just a slumber party at Fifi's house." She said, prompting Buster to freeze in his tracks.

"You're kidding? With this heat? She could probably peel the paint off a house."

"What can I say? I got roped into it." She shrugged. "Besides, she's one of my best friends. How could I say 'no'?"

"Like this." Buster said as he made an exaggerated pose. "NOOOOO!"

"Ha, ha. Very funny. I'll see you tomorrow, Buster." Babs said.

As she made ground on Buster she could hear him calling from well behind her. "Good luck, Babsy! I will remember you!!"

All in all, the night went pretty well for Babs. There was a cool wind that picked up just as she arrived at Fifi's Cadillac home at the Acme Acres Junkyard. She finally had a direction to be around Fifi and they had a good, low stench evening. In fact, everything seemed perfectly normal until it was time to go to bed. As the lights went out, Fifi joined Babs on the guest bed for a little bit for a few games of rock paper scissors before their eyes began to get the better of them and both fell fast asleep under the starry sky.

Babs was wakened at some point in the middle of the night by a frighteningly bad smell. Her face gaped open as the flavor of tail sucked into her mouth, causing her to spasm and gag, waking with a start as she looked up into the sky, just slightly highlighted with the earliest morning light. The wind had died down to nothing, and the lingering odor from the skunk's tail was enough to make the bunny sick to her stomach. Fifi had rolled over on top of her. One of her feet dangled down over the side of the bed while the other kept kicking her in the nose. She reached back and took her bag, and put on a gas mask, but the overpowering stench even cracked the glass goggles in the eyes. All the while the stink from her tail kept her from falling back to sleep. Another brush of the tail under Babs' nose made her moan in frustration. "That's it!" She whispered to herself, shoving Fifi, who rolled over once and laid flat out on the bed, snoozing with her tail in the air. "Okay, I've had enough of this, the smell is rampant, it's inhuman! It's time I did something about this once and for all!" She cackled to herself in delight as she grabbed her back pack and pulled out a small box from within titled "Animated Plot Hole" and opened it, pulling out a strange black disc that didn't seem to have any depth to it, yet somehow it still existed right in her hand. She stared with a frightening hatred at Fifi's tail, which had long since plagued the entire body of Acme Looniversity. Last week she even saw the famous Pepe Lepew's eyes water with Fifi walked past him, it was out of hand and she needed to put an end to it. In her frustration, she slapped the hole around Fifi's tail and pulled. And with a soft popping noise, Fifi's tail came off right in her hand.

She sat there for a minute staring at it, the fluffy purple and white tail now lying limply in her hands and suddenly she realized she had actually pulled it off. Literally she gasped and gagged at the same moment. She knew that whatever she needed to do right now, it was to find a place to get rid of this abomination once and for all. With a meek gasp she stuffed into her bag she needed to get out of there, leaving Fifi a hastily written note; she took off, vanishing into the night and leaving the skunk none the wiser.

It was the dawn of a beautiful morning, Fifi yawned; "Oh such a beautiful day, no? ...Babs?" she stretched out on her bed before reaching over toward the bunny and noticing a piece of paper where Babs had been sleeping:

"Hey Fifi, my mom called and needed me home, I didn't want to wake you up. See you at school! - Babs"

"Gone? Was it some'sing I said?" She asked herself before shrugging and setting about her morning routine.

Fifi went across the yard to where her shower was built in, she stepped inside and quickly bathed and lathered down, not noticing her tail was missing. She soaped and shampooed her fur and her face before rinsing her hair out and hopping back out of the shower. She dried off and walked over to her dresser, which had a large, built-in mirror on it so she could work her curls and her makeup. As she reached behind her to take her tail to brush, she was surprised when her hand reached back and found nothing to bring forward. She lazily looked back and noticed a stub where her tail had once been.

Her scream could be heard for several blocks in every direction as she realized that Babs wasn't the only thing that was gone. "Gone?! GONE! Where did my tail go!? My beautiful, wonderful, fluffy tail! 'Elp! Please 'elp me! I am a beauty without her floof!" She screamed as she ran around, frantically searching for a tail that had somehow just fallen off during the night. I-I can't let 'zem see me like this? 'Ow tragic that a beautiful girl like Fifi Lafume lose her equally beautiful tail! Who would do 'zis to me?" She began to sob. "What will zey say at school? 'Ow can I show my face there ever again?"

***

It was afternoon by the time Babs finally felt comfortable enough to relax, she had gone all the way to Acme Park and had to stop and catch her breath. Her backpack smelled horrible, and the very idea of running with it any more winded her. She slung the backpack onto the bench and collapsed right next to it.

"Hey Babsy." Buster's voice roused her as the blue rabbit appeared. His expression immediately soured at the smell of her backpack. "UGH! Peeyew! What is that smell? Is that coming from your backpack? Babsy. I thought you were visiting Fifi, not adapting to her lifestyle!"

"It's not...I mean, I didn't...I ugh... I don't know what I did Buster. I am freaking out."

"Freaking out? About what?"

Babs cringed as she opened her bag and pulled out the tail from within. "This."

"Holy cow is that... Fifi's tail?! How did you do that!?"

"I don't know! I just got tired of the smell and I...made it come off!"

"And you kept it? I would have thrown that in the dump immediately!"

Babs' eyes lightened up. "Buster! That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Well only a certain type of genius would think outside the box like that, why don't you head down there now? I'll cover for ya."

Suddenly, there was the sound of a gasp from behind the rabbits that made both of them freeze in place. "FLUFFY BUNNIES!?!?!"

Both turned around to see the feared Elmyra Duff standing not ten yards away from them, her eyes open wide, her mouth agape in that smile hinged on the edge of joy and insanity. All rational thought suddenly left them, and the one instinct for both rabbits was to scream "ELMYRA!" Before each darted off in opposite directions.

"Oh come on home with me! I'll love you and hug you and squeeze you all to pieces!"

It was that familiar song and dance, Babs found herself Elmyra's target as she bolted toward the playground. Babs ran through the moving swings, diving through the tire swing at the end of the pole, she looked back and watched Elmyra try to navigate them as well, only getting tripped up and flipped over at the tire. The rabbit ran up the ladder to the tall slide and slid down as Elmyra had made her way halfway up the climb. She reached the top, then decided to belly flop her way down the sheen metal surface, screaming loudly as she descended to the ground with a loud crash. But like an insect, she jumped to her feet and ran after Babs, who ran across a set of monkeybars while the girl ran behind her. "Come on, you fluffy head! I want to take you HOME WITH ME!"

Babs leaped off the bars and ran toward the jungle gym, she knew as soon as she could get through the bars, she could lose Elmyra on the other side as she tried to climb in and through it. She bounced in the air, leaped for one of the many large holes and slipped through, only to have her leg caught. Babs screamed as she hit the ground in a cloud of dust, only to see that Elmyra had grabbed her feet and was dragging her in. Her grip was as tight as iron, her laughter was maniacal and Babs was being drawn in to becoming little more than her latest tragic pet. In a measure of desperation, she grabbed the bag and pulled out Fifi's somewhat mangled, smelly tail and swung wildly behind her, causing an enormous cloud of stink to explode from the small playground toy.

"Ugh! AHHH! STINKY!!!!" Elmyra could be heard gagging in the foggy blindness they both experienced, she let go of Babs' feet. "WAAAAAHAHHHHHH!" She cried loudly as she ran from the jungle gym, rubbing her eyes and screaming as she ran out of sight. Leaving Babs out of breath, panting and lying in the saturated stench of her skunk friend's leftovers.

"Stinky...but...effective." Babs said to herself, before finally collapsing to the ground from exhaustion.

***

Monday came around faster than Fifi had wanted or expected, she dressed in the baggiest shirt and skirt she had in her closet, and had side stepped through the school for the most part, trying to hide the fact that her tail was missing. It had worked until Lunch when she spotted Buster speaking over his cell phone. Carefully she approached him.

"'Ello Buster." She said meekly.

"Fifi. Good to see you."

Fifi looked surprised. "You...you're not running away from me? Everyone runs away from me, especially zee cute boys."

"Cute? You think I'm cute?"

Fifi nodded, but continued. "Say Buster, 'ave you seen Babs around? I 'aven't seen her all weekend and wanted to ask her something."

"I was just on the phone with her. I guess she caught a bad cold or something because she's not coming in today. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Well, I..." Fifi started, but a small otter stepped up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hi, Fifi. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Ned. We're in History class together."

"Oh yes. Zee one who jumped out a window a few weeks back."

"Uhh...yeah...anyway I was kind of wanting to talk to you. I-uh-I think you're kind of cute and I was wondering if you wanted to sit together?"

"Cute? What kind of fool do you take me for? I 'aven't even got a tail! Why do you taunt me?" Huffing, she stormed off toward the other tables in the room.

Shirley spotted Fifi coming, but instead of ducking and diving away, she couldn't smell anything as the skunk approached. "Whoa. That's like, a totally new look for you!" She exclaimed as her friend approached. "Lemme guess, you like parted your hair some other way? Or maybe you've lost some weight."

"For a clairvoyant, you aren't very observant Shirley. I've lost my pride, my tail and its made me 'ideous beyond reason!"

"Whaaaat?" Shirley scoffed. "No way, I think it adds to your character, I mean like a big fluffy tail? It's like having a second head to brush and maintain every day. I couldn't handle something like that."

Fifi frowned. "You know... you could be right. I 'ave noticed some of ze boys are paying more attention to me..." She said as she brushed her bangs back and looked up to see at least four of them walking past and casting glances at her, a couple even blushing as they made eye contact. She turned back to Shirley. "Could it truly be my tail that's 'indered me for so many years? Could zat be what's been 'olding me back?"

"It could be. I like, could totally bet on it. I mean look at you. Being all cute and mysterious, these boys don't even know how to process you."

"I still don't understand why my tail was such a big problem." Fifi mused as she took a sip of her soda. "But maybe being tailless won't be so bad after all, no?"