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It's cold. I curl myself into a little ball, the position I'm most comfortable with when I sleep. The cracked concrete is hard and freezing, and so are the chains on my wrists. My body is aching, my back is throbbing and bleeding, and I feel sluggish. It could be worse, I tell myself. The punishment could've been worse. I could've been thrown out of the tribe then and there. They could've put salt on my wounds. I might be naked and bleeding, but it could be so much worse, I tell myself. Just try not to think about it too much and everything will be fine.

I need some sleep, but I barely get any more than half an hour, so I just lie there on the ground. I look at the moss on the stone walls, the cracks on the floor, then at the heavy wooden door I've been staring at it for the past few hours now. My ears flicker at the sound of footsteps outside. Then talking. I couldn't make out what they're saying, or the sound of their voices, but I still savor it. It's one of the more interesting sounds I've heard in a while.

I want to curl into that fetal position just a little bit further. Just hearing someone else outside is enough to make the reality fully sink in, and how quickly it all happened. Just a few hours ago, Kol and I were having fun, and now I'm incarcerated and bleeding in the dungeons. I got a little too carried away, I guess, trying to impress Kol by reviving the game that was recently hunted and making it do tricks. It just had to run to the bazaar, and I had to chase it. It was almost comical how they all turned against me once they realized that I was the one who did it, that I was born with that type of magic. It hurts to think about, but that's the way things are, and there's nothing I can do about it.

That's it, I guess. The secret is out, and the thing Kol and I feared had come to pass. It's much calmer than I expected, surprisingly. I have a feeling that the worst is yet to come, but that doesn't matter to me. Right now, people know of my magic. With all of this blood pooling behind me, I could entertain myself for hours on end. Or try to escape. But that would only make things worse. The magic I was born with has always been looked down upon by all tribes. I've heard stories of people born with this power being exiled, shunned, or worst-case scenario in the state I'm in right now. Either because the power of raising the dead and performing magic with blood is too risky to let slide or just too scary on the surface, I don't know. But that's just me. This isn't taking into account what might be happening to Kol right now.

I wish I could go back and stop myself. I should've been more careful. I should've reminded myself like I did every day that this doesn't only affect me. Kol's father was the one who took me in, and Kol was the one who shared his bed with me, taught me everything about this tribe, helped me time and time again. His father's the Alpha too, and now this complicates things for Kol. This is the last thing any of us wanted. I wish I was more careful.

I wish things could've turned out differently.

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear the sound of the door's locks coming undone. My ears perk up, but I don't move. I'm too tired. The door opens, and a figure emerges from the door. I could only make out the golden yellow fur. It must be one of the guards. The ones native to the tribe, at least. My head runs wild with all the things that's going to happen next, none of them pleasant. As I do, the golden retriever walks over to me. I barely get to prepare myself as they crouch in front of me. I close my eyes and wait.

"Kit?"

My fur bristles. I open my eyes and am greeted by the sight of bright blue eyes staring back at me. It's Kol.

I look at him, dumbfounded, as he nudges me to get up. I do, and he helps push me up. My body is weaker than I thought it'd be and I resist the urge to let myself to fall back to the ground. I'm dizzy and I feel like throwing up, but I do my best to keep it in. As I do, he looks at me, checking me from head to toe.

What is he doing here?

"Kol..."

He shushes me. "It's me. I'm here."

I look him up and down as well. He's in a tunic and trousers. He was wearing his best a few hours ago as we were visiting the bazaar. I check for bruises or anything of the sort. He's completely fine. I sigh in relief, but I am still terrified.

"Kol, what are you doing here?" I ask.

"I need to see you," he says. "Everything is chaotic at the moment, and I needed to know if you're okay."

My head is spinning, and I lean on my arm. "You... you shouldn't be here, Kol."

"I don't want to hear that any more than I have to. I argued with Father too many times just to come here, so don't start that with me."

I can't help but smile. All of this and he's still stubborn. I'm about to laugh when a sharp pain flashes across my back. I wince, and Kol's expression darkens.

"Gods, they... they actually whipped you," he says.

"It doesn't hurt that much anymore, I promise."

"Don't sugarcoat this. The last person to get whipped was Old Deek, and he still uses his back to scare those he drinks with. I don't have to be whipped to imagine what it must've felt like."

I've heard stories of how this tribe used to be more harsh, unforgiving. There were whippings and beatings and public punishments. Those were during Kol's grandfather's time as the Alpha. I wonder if it was worse before his time, and how bad it could've been for me if I were caught during that time.

"Don't worry about it," I say. "It's not as bad as after the whipping. Besides, you can't really fault the people for demanding things from your father."

"I know, but still. You're my boyfriend, and they dragged you here and punished you without so much as my say in it."

"Well, we all have to be fair one way or the other."

"Don't start!" Kol shouts, then he pulls on his fur. "Please. I have a lot of things on my mind and... and I can't handle some more."

His face is all scrunched up, like he's about to break. My heart drops at the sight and I feel shame run down my bloody spine. I shouldn't be difficult with him. He's the one having to deal with what's happening right now. I lift my hand and caress his cheek. He visibly relaxes, but still looks like he's about to cry. He closes his eyes and leans against it, pressing his cheek against my palm with both of his.

"It's bad out there, Kit," he says. "They're getting restless. They won't stop until we do something about you."

"I can imagine," I say. "What'd your father say?"

"After they took you in, he told them that they were discussing what to do."

"What about us?"

"He... he doesn't know what to do." Kol squeezes my hand tighter. "I don't know what to do."

I nod, doing my best to be as comforting as possible. When we were younger, I was a small and sickly kid. I easily got sick and everything scared me. I used to rely on him whenever I was scared or didn't know what to do. He always knew what to do back then, and whenever I got scared, he would place my head on his lap and coo, saying, "It's okay. Nothing will hurt you as long as I'm here." That feeling of security seems to have stuck, since even now that I'm bigger and taller than him, the fact that he's just as clueless scares me more than anything. But one of us has to be strong, so I try not to let it show.

"You're going to figure it out," I say. "It's going to be okay."

Kol pulled my hand away and rests it on his lap, his hands wrapped around it. His eyes are fixated on metal cuffed around my wrists. For some reason, it makes me want to hide it from him. He opens his mouth. It quivers, then he closes it. He does it again for a few more times. I know that expression all too well. He's overwhelmed, and I don't blame him. I place my hand on top of his. He winces when the metal comes into contact with his skin.

"Run me through what happened on your end," I say. "I was mobbed and arrested. What happened next?"

He nods, taking a deep breath before he speaks up. "The... some of the guards grabbed me and took me away. Then I went to Father and explained everything to him. The people were getting restless now. They were scared and angry, and they're all focused on you and what to do with you. Father addressed the crowd, but I don't think it did any good. They aren't happy right now, and they're not calming down any time soon. I... I still don't know what to do."

Kol looks like he's on the verge of tearing up again. Then he closes his eyes, muttering something to himself, then opens his eyes again. His expression is maddeningly blank, to the point that it scares me a little.

"We don't have much time. I have come up with a few solutions, but I don't think they would work. I'm still coming up with more."

As much as I wanted to hear that from him, the extremely neutral expression on his face concerns me to no end. I sigh, turning to the small pool of blood behind me. I glide my hand across it and make a line between me and Kol.

"What're you..."

Kol starts, but I ignore him. I place a hand on the blood smear I just made and close my eyes. I get that this is the reason what's happening is happening, but I was born with it. What else am I going to do? I picture the field, the one we found way back. I picture us in it, frolicking in the grass, pretending we were still kids, kissing by the banyan tree. I picture him in my arms as he unloads the pressure of his ever-growing duties as the upcoming Alpha and then turns into his childish self to escape it all. Happy times. Before I know it, the cell smells of dew and flowers. I open my eyes to see Kol sniffing the air before looking at me, a knowing look on his face.

"Kit..."

I give him my signature wolf grin. That got him to smile, at least for a little bit. Even if he's frowning, the brow on his furrows aren't creased together anymore and his shoulders relax.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

He gives me a sad smile. "I should be asking you that."

"We both know I'm in pain right now. Besides, you seem like you need it."

"Don't you need something to help with... well, your back?"

"Don't bother. We're already pressed on time as is. Besides, I doubt anyone either than you and your parents are willing to help me."

He opens his mouth, then he shakes his head. Either because he knows I have a point or because I'll keep insisting. But I speak up again just to be sure.

"How long before you need to go?" I say.

"Father needs me for something, but we still got enough time," he says. "I just need to figure things out. The tribe wants you gone or incarcerated forever or dead. I'm not going to let that happen."

"What about your father?"

"He wants to keep you too, but just because he's the Alpha doesn't mean his word is the law. But he's on our side, so that helps things."

I feel like there's a catch here. "But..."

"But that won't help much. The tribe and the elders don't really trust us as much as they used to. And there's no building up that trust again if we ever decide to let you go of our own volition. It's... not going to be easy for us."

I deflate, leaning back. There's really no going back after this. My mind goes back to when Kol's father first found me. It was a cold winter, and I was still wondering why they kicked me and my friend out of my tribe. We were cold and hungry for days and I was beating myself over it. When Kol's father found me, I was playing with his revived corpse. I could still remember them debating whether they should bring me in. Then Kol's father killed my friend again, took me in and threatened everyone who was with him to keep quiet about me.

I could tell resentment brew within those people, towards him or towards me, I don't know. But it grew, and soon other people harbored that resentment as well, for various reasons. I wonder how much of them felt the same thing to Kol, for bringing me in with open arms, taking care of me, and forcing them to treat me as part of the Alpha's family. Things that I didn't even do anything to deserve. Now that the secret's out, nothing's stopping them from going out there and making it worse. It was going to crash and burn the moment Kol's father took me in. My gaze drops to the floor, hands balled into fists. There was no preventing this.

"But we don't have any other choice," Kol says. "The trial is the only thing we can do. I'll do everything I can so you can stay. The tribe can handle a decision against their wishes for once. You're going to go back with or without their permission."

"No."

All the bravado he has dissipates when he says that. He looks at me, confused. "What?"

I close my eyes. My hands are closed so tightly that it hurt. "You're not going to do that."

"Why not? What are you talking about?"

I sigh. "Just... you are not going to defend me at the trial. You are going to go out there, condemn me, and live on. I don't care if I'm in here forever or exiled or whatever. You are not going to defend me."

I could see the emotions pass going through his face. But mostly, he's confused and hurt. I imagine that's what half the tribe feels when they discovered what I am, and how I had been really close to the Alpha's family, especially compared to the others the tribe has taken in. It's not right, but it's understandable.

"What's with this?" he says. "What are you talking about?"

"You heard me," I say. "I'm not repeating myself."

He exhales sharply. "Gods, Kit. Why are you acting like this? Look, I'm sorry that this happened. Maybe I can't imagine what the whipping must've been like or knowing that everyone has turned against you. I'd take it back if I could. But this is a way out. Don't you want to take that chance?"

"It's not worth it."

"Yes, I know it's not gonna be easy, but what other choice do we have?"

"There's leaving me, for one."

"Stop being difficult!" Kol pulls on his fur. "I am trying to help you here!"

The dew and flower scent are fading, and my back is throbbing now. "Let's say you did. You managed to win the trial and I'm back out there again. Now what? The tribe won't trust you anymore. You've turned your back on them on this one decision. Who knows what you'll do next?"

"They don't have the same level of trust now," he cut in.

"Sure. But they're angry right now. They want you to do the right thing, and the right thing in their minds is to get me out of this tribe for good. If you keep me around, they're going to think that you don't have their best interest at heart, that you're putting them in danger because there's someone who can do blood magic within their tribe and who knows, maybe I'll cut them up to satisfy my needs? Sooner or later, they're going to start defying you if that's what they think is right."

"But that's the worst-case scenario."

"I saw that happen time and time again to other tribes who sheltered people like me."

Kol lets out a breath. His tail is lashing out behind me. I don't know if I should've said it like that. He's the one out there having to deal with everything after all, while I'm stuck here hurt and buried in regret. I want to hug him, tell him everything's going to be okay, but then he'd ignore everything I just said. So I just sit there while he processes things.

It's funny. If this whole mess was a situation I'd conjured up, I'm sure I'd be in Kol's shoes now, scared out of my mind and overwhelmed by everything. Yet I'm the calmest I've ever been. Maybe I'm just trying to shut everything out, so I don't have to deal with it. As horrible and sad as that sound, it sure feels nice.

"I..." Kol shuts his eyes, snarling. "Gods, all because of this."

"Hey." I smile. "I know it's hard, but I know--"

"Don't do that speech with me, Kit. I am getting you out of this mess and that's that."

I sigh, leaning back. I hate that he knows me so well.

"You can certainly try," I say.

He glares at me. "What is with you, Kit? I am trying to get you out of this mess. Why are you trying to do the opposite?"

"I already told you, you--"

"Since when did you care about my position? Since when did you care about what the tribe thinks of me? Where is this coming from?"

"Well, it certainly matters now."

"You didn't care about those things as long as you and I are alive. Now you're giving up your life so I could salvage my reputation."

I'm about to speak when he cuts me off. "I've known you since we were kids, Kit. You never cared about what the public thought of you. Me too, to an extent. That's why we're boyfriends in the first place. You couldn't care less, so why are you caring now?"

I sigh. "I... I've always cared about this. About you."

"Kit, for the love of the Gods, be honest! I'm doing this for you and you're making--"

"Because I am scared!"

He stares back at me, eyes wide. I immediately regret bursting out and I lean back into the wall. I didn't want to tell him, but I'm an idiot if I think he's going to accept that as an answer. I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I just want all of this to be over.

"Kit..." Kol says.

"I'm scared, Kol. I've never seen this tribe so angry before, and I'm scared they're going to..." I shake my head. "I'm scared that if you continue this, then they're not going to trust or respect you anymore, and I don't know what else they're gonna do. It's going on for a while now, but I can't ignore it anymore."

"For a while now? What are you talking about?"

My gaze falls down on my hands. "I've known you since we were kids too, Kol. I used to look up to you, you know. You always seemed to be on top of everything, so responsible, even if you were just a kid. You used to be the model kid, too; the other kids looked up to you too. Then we got together, and you started to neglect your responsibilities. You were always so focused on me, and what we can do, that little by little, the dependable, responsible kid that I used to look up to went away. And whenever I think about it, it hurts, because I got to see that change firsthand. People were starting to notice, and they began to resent me, and, eventually, you. And now that this whole thing is happening... I don't know."

The silence is uncomfortable. Kol avoids my gaze, which is okay, because I don't want him looking at me right now. He looks at the moss on the wall and I hold the chains. I hate this.

"Kit," Kol says. "How long have you been feeling this?"

"Does it matter?" I say.

"It matters to me. You're my boyfriend, so what you feel matters to me!" His hands ball into fists, then he takes a deep breath. "Kit, what I do reflects on me and only me. It's on me if I wasn't the paragon I was back then. It doesn't involve you."

"Well, that's what they think."

"This is not about the tribe. Stop caring about what they think!"

"I don't." I say. "You were right. I never cared what they think. But I still hear what they say behind my back. They've had their suspicions, because I'm your boyfriend and you're going to be the next Alpha. They never trusted me. I could see it in their eyes. They think I'm gonna screw them all over when you're Alpha. They think that you don't care about them anymore. And now that they know that I can raise the dead and do magic with blood, they're not going to see me or you the same ever again. I know that no matter what I do, this tribe will never, ever, see me as one of their own."

My gaze drops to the floor and I close my eyes. "And I'm okay with that now. What I'm concerned about is you. It's pretty bad for you now and it's only going to get worse when you let me out of here. So please, think about this one for a second."

Tears are threatening to come out of my eyes, but I do my best to keep it in. So I do. Kol has that look on his face where he tries to process something that has been bubbling under the surface for a while now. His gaze lowers ever so slightly, stopping at the drying blood on the stone floor. He takes a deep breath before speaking up.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I didn't want to worry you," I say. "Not with everything you're doing."

A look flashes across his face. Hurt. It's gone as soon as it came, but it still had an effect on me, nonetheless.

"We'll talk about that later," Kol says. He gives me a look, the intensity I haven't seen in a long while now. "First, be honest with me. Please. Why don't you want me to get you out of this?"

I want to be difficult and tell him that I've already told him my reasons just for the sake of it. But the way he's looking at me right now... I can't bring myself to. I just can't. With a sigh, I take his hands and wrap them with mine. They're soft, clean, without magic. Safe.

"You know, when the tribe kicked me and my friend out, I always wondered why they did without a second thought," I say. "Just one day, everything was normal, and once they knew about us, they turned against us and pushed us away. Even our parents. They just looked at us as if we had just grown horns. They were the first ones to drag us away."

I chuckle bitterly. "Them turning their backs on me as if we had no value to them... that stuck with me. It stuck with me when my friend died and I couldn't do anything. It stuck when your father took me in without him. It stuck when all I ever did was wander the halls while you had goals and responsibilities and a purpose in life. Then I was treated like one of the Alpha's family and... and I wondered about things. Things I've never done, contributions I never made, things that would've made me deserving of this treatment. Nothing. The memory of being kicked out hurt a lot more, because I can't find a reason why I should be let back in, or why I get to be treated the way I was. I can't stop thinking about it every night, Kol.

"Now you're doing this for me, and... and it hurts a lot more, because I haven't done anything other than make everyone's lives around me worse. I thought I wouldn't do this to you, but here we are. Things will never be the same or easy for you again, and it's because of me. But I have the choice to make it less worse, so I'm taking that chance." I squeezed his hands. "Kol, please. Whatever you're planning, don't do it."

As soon as I say those words, he pulls his hands away. Kol looks away, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I can't believe you never told me this."

"I'm sorry," I say.

He shakes his head. "Doesn't matter. We'll talk about this another time. For now, let's focus on getting you out of here."

My fur prickles at that, and I resist the urge to scream at him.

"No, Kol. You're not doing that."

Disbelief flashes across his face, then his nostrils flare. "Stop doing this! We'll talk about your problems when all of this is over, okay?"

"This isn't about me. It's about you."

"This is exactly about you! You're the one I'm trying to get out of this mess!"

"When we should be worrying about you! This has consequences for you, and it could get really, really bad. I've already gone through this."

"Well, I don't care about that! It's you who I'm focused on, and nothing's changing that."

I do my best not to pull on my fur. "This is exactly what I've been telling you, Kol!"

He slams his fist against the stone floor. "Let me decide for myself for once. You're my boyfriend, Kit. I don't want to--"

"Then I don't want to be your boyfriend."

That knocks the wind out of him. He looks at me, stunned. "What?"

"I love you, Kol. But if this is what it takes, then it's over. Now just leave me alone."

"Kit, I--"

"We're over, Kol!"

I didn't mean to shout, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't keep it in. Kol looks at me, hurt. Devastated. I want to reach out, but it's better if I don't, so I pull back. Kol's face goes blank. The look in his eyes has the intensity that it had earlier. My hackles begin to rise.

"Fine," he says. "If that's what you want." He stands up slowly, his eyes never leaving me. "If you want to stay here and feel sorry for yourself the rest of your life, then that's fine. You're not my boyfriend anymore, so why should I care about you? Isn't that right?"

Before I could respond, his fist collides with my face with much more force than I expected. My head is violently thrown to the side and I fall to the ground. My head is pounding and my ears are ringing. I force myself back up to see Kol seething. I could only look at him as he punches me again.

"Isn't that right!" Kol screams. I get up. He punches me. "Huh!"

I strangely feel peaceful right now. Much more than when I got mobbed. The ringing in my ears is taking over and my head feels light. This feels more than dissociation. A small part of me buried deep underneath is relieved that I finally got through to him. Convinced him to give me up. And Kol beating me up is proof of that. Maybe. It doesn't stop it from hurting so bad, though.

"You could've said this sooner!" Kol kicks me in the gut. I hunch forward and he pushes me off. He kicks me again. "You could've said this sooner, so I wouldn't have tried! I would've left you alone in here because that's what you want! And I'll be left with dealing with my tribe and being Alpha and everything else without you! Because that's what you want! You..."

He drops to his knees and leans forward again. Then he slammed his head against my shoulder, halfheartedly punching me in the stomach. Then his arms hang limp on his sides before wrapping them tight around my neck. He's sobbing now. I just sit there for a few minutes, not knowing what to do. So I wrap my arms around him, gently massaging his shoulder. I rock him back and forth, shushing him. I rest my chin on his head and coo in his ear. It doesn't work, but I still try.

Kol calms down bit by bit until he's whimpering now. He rubs his eyes against my shoulder and sniffs.

"I'm tired, Kit."

I don't know what to say, so I'm hum in response.

"I thought this whole Alpha thing was easy. That all I had to do was tell people what to do and make decisions for the tribe. But no. It's so much harder." He shakes his head again. "But... this isn't about that. I... I realized that I didn't have much choices in my life. I already have a path set for me, and it's all just duties and responsibilities. I can't do anything about it, and it never ends. But then you came in. I had the choice to take you in, treat you like a friend, to have something fun in my life. You were the first decision I made, Kit. The first thing that made me really happy, and I don't wanna lose you."

He starts sobbing again. "So please. I want to be selfish for once."

I want to ask him how long he's been keeping it inside, but I already know. My mind goes back to all those nights when we lay on his bed, with him deep in thought while I was still reveling the afterglow. Then all those times we spent on that field, where he was just happy. He already told me how he felt, but I never really paid attention. Even then, he was thinking about me, looking after me, while I was looking for myself. I wish I could've known sooner.

I hug him tighter. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want your sorry," Kol says. He then grabs my snout and presses his head against mine. "I want you to try, for me. Please."

I look into his eyes. Wet, and teary, but still a bright blue. I smile, lifting his snout with mine, and press my nose against his.

"I promise."

That makes him break down into tears again. He leans forward and wraps his arms around my neck, burying his head on my shoulder again. "I love you, Kit."

I wrap my arms around him as well. "I love you too."

It's still freezing, and my back is still throbbing. But with Kol here, it makes it just a little better. With him, I felt like that kid he took in all over again. I'm scared and he has my head in his lap. He brushes the fur on my head, smiling. "It's okay," I heard him say. "Nothing will hurt you as long as I'm here."

With that, I hug him tighter and he does the same. I close my eyes and wait for the moment he has to let go.