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Chapter 15: Whisper My Name

The next night, after it seemed Nontikmah had gathered more strength, the group set out. The order in which they walked had now shifted: Nontikmah insisted on being carried by Kilyan in the very front of the line. That way, if trouble came their way, she could use her powers to stop it. Behind Kilyan and Nontikmah walked Kel and Aliona, side by side, speaking together in low voices every now and then. Behind Kel and Aliona, Wynn walked alone, her eyes downcast once again as several thoughts spun through her mind. And behind Wynn, Keeno and Inden walked side by side. Sometimes Inden glared miserably at Wynn's slender back, and with a wave of sympathy, Keeno would slap a paw on the young male's shoulder to comfort him.

Poor Inden, Keeno thought as he shook his head. It had to be pure hell, loving a female like Wynn. And he had thought Enya was wild? Enya was just headstrong compared to Wynn!

"Kilyan," Nontikmah rasped, her head on Kilyan's shoulder as he carried her slight body close in his arms, "do you know why I look like this?"

"You told us already," Kilyan answered.

"I didn't. The chosen . . . they subconsciously choose the way they will look once foxes. I always thought white wolves so beautiful . . . I always wanted white fur . . . But after meeting you, I find black sexy as hell."

Kilyan swallowed hard. "Nontikmah, can you please - just don't say anything for a while --"

"Why, Kilyan?" Nontikmah demanded almost angrily. "Afraid your mean little daughter might see us enjoying each other's company?"

"Don't talk about Wynn like that," Kilyan warned.

"Kilyan, if you knew the thoughts that have passed through that child's mind concerning me, you would let me speak of her any way that I please."

"Wynn is still a little angry. She has a right to be."

"So does Sylas. How does it feel, Kilyan? Because we lay together for one night, our children hate us. One night of happiness resulted in this hell."

"You regret it."

"No, Kilyan. Don't misunderstand me. Being with you that night . . ." She gazed up at him mistily. "If you hadn't given me a night where sex actually had meaning . . . I honestly don't think anyone would have. After Dyzere, I never loved again, and no one was willing to love me . . . except you. No, Kilyan, I don't regret being allowed happiness. I mean, I have a right to it . . . don't I?"

Kilyan blinked as he looked straight ahead. He didn't know. Did they have a right to happiness when it resulted in the grief of their own children? But how could they have known things would come to this? They couldn't know. It wasn't their fault. Kilyan told Nontikmah as much, and she seemed so put at ease that she fell asleep.

When day broke, they made camp again in the shade of a slender, wrinkled tree and the looming hill that accompanied it. The rain had let up once again and was now a light tapping compared to the drumming it had been before. Inden was thus able to stroke up a fire beneath the curving reach of the hill, and they gathered around it as Aliona pulled out a few packets of food and started breakfast. No one was surprised when Wynn rolled out her sleeping furs and went straight to bed, telling Aliona she was too tired to eat when her grandmother voiced her concern.

"You should rest too, my Aliona," Kel said as he settled near his wife. "We can eat before we set out tonight, hmm?"

Aliona nodded and put the food away. She smiled when Kel held open his arms, and the older wolves snuggled together near the fire and fell asleep. Kilyan smiled at his parents, missing Lea and Ohana and Avi. He was kneeling in the gritty sand, rolling out his sleeping furs for Nontikmah to use. The witch was leaning weakly against the hill, her chest heaving a little. Frowning in concern, Kilyan took her paw and helped her lay on his furs. She smiled at him happily as she settled in.

"You said something about exile," said Keeno thoughtfully. He was looking at Nontikmah as he spoke, carefully picking his fangs with a twig he'd found when he joined the others around the fire.

Nontikmah gazed listlessly into the distance. "Did I?"

"I remember it now too," said Inden slowly. He looked at Kilyan. "When she was crying in your arms, sir. She said something about exile - or being exiled --"

"But then she never explained it," said Keeno, his eyes still fixed on Nontikmah. He jerked his eyebrows straight up as he continued picking his fangs with the twig.

"No," said Nontikmah, smiling at Keeno's suspicion, "I never did."

Keeno chucked the twig. "So explain."

Nontikmah only continued smiling. "Keeno, you have nothing to suspect me of. I am not your enemy. I have no tricks hidden in my tails. What do I want? To look into Kilyan's eyes a last time before I die. I have what I want. Now . . . I can die happy."

Sitting near Nontikmah, Kilyan squirmed uncomfortably. Couldn't she want something more appropriate? Like her son's forgiveness?

Keeno scratched his ears guiltily. "I didn't mean to come off --"

"It's okay," Nontikmah assured him with a twisted smile. "You only seek to protect Kilyan. I find it . . . cute. But, yes, I was exiled. By my own son. After witnessing his half-brother's murder, he threw me from the house into the dirt. I am barred from my own home. By my son's magic, I can not enter. He sent howling demons to chase me from our forest. They didn't leave me until I reached the beach, where I slept for many days, contemplating ways to reach my son and tell him why I did what I did. But Sylas shut himself off from me in every way and eventually . . . he left and disappeared into the world. I haven't seen him for months.

"I've been wandering the wastelands in a daze, wondering where the summer village could possibly be. I followed many scents thinking they were yours, Kilyan, but I was always wrong and always wound up in the wrong place. I made it once to the sun village, but they thought I carried the plague and threw stones at me to drive me away . . . so I wandered the wastelands, continuing my search."

"You could have let him live," Kilyan said after a long pause. He spoke to the fire, his voice low against the soft tap of the rain, the soft whistle of the wind.

"Kilyan," said Nontikmah, "I couldn't do such a thing. I already told you: the fight would have been unstoppable. It would have become their destiny! One would slay the other, and as a result, both would die. For a fox can not commit such a crime without dying themselves. The fox kingdom would crumble to dust. And wolf kind --"

"Would be in the dark," finished Kilyan for her. "But, Nontikmah . . ." He lifted his head and looked at the witch. "You're missing the point - all you damned foxes! You're missing the point! I'm not saying that helping us is wrong. But there's a thing called free will. If we want world peace, we have to do it ourselves. We have to be our own light. It has to be our choice! And no heavenly kingdom of foxes will ever save us. We have to save us!"

"Kilyan," Nontikmah said, pulling herself upright, "I can't believe what I'm hearing! Are you saying . . . are you saying I should have let my sons kill each other?"

Kilyan shook his head, smiling at her sadly. "No, Nontikmah. I'm saying you have to have a little faith in us. I'm saying it wouldn't be such a bad thing if the fox kingdom fell. I'm saying that our son might have avoided the fight to the death because he would have been born a mixed breed - Nontikmah! You never took me in the ritual! I am mortal! For all we know, our son was mortal too."

Kilyan stared miserably at his feet. He heard Nontikmah's sheets rustle as she leaned toward him, then felt her little paw rubbing his arm.

"I - I'm sorry, Kilyan," she managed hoarsely at last. He heard the thickness in her voice and knew she was crying. "But I did what I thought was b-best . . . I thought I was doing the wrong thing to achieve the right results. I - I couldn't bear the thought of them killing each other -!"

"I know, Nontikmah," Kilyan said, taking her into his arms when she broke down sobbing. He rocked her for a time as she wept bitterly, as Keeno and Inden watched with concern, and he was glad that at least his parents and Wynn were sleeping soundly and did not have to witness such a scene.

"He might have been mortal, Kilyan, I don't know," Nontikmah said helplessly. "He - he was so gentle and sweet . . . just like you. His fur was gray and his eyes were a very pale blue. He looked like my mortal self so many hundreds of years ago. I pitied him that he didn't receive your good looks." She glanced up at Kilyan and smiled through her tears. "I pitied him. God, I pitied him."

Kilyan's paw cradled her head as he held her close, as he peered past her into the distance. He stared into the flat, rain-streaked wastelands as if he was trying to visualize his son. "Did he have a name?"

"Melomiel," Nontikmah answered wretchedly.

Kilyan closed his eyes and repeated the name in a whisper, as if he was locking it in his heart.

Some hours later, when the others were asleep and Kel and Keeno were on watch, Wynn opened her eyes. She had pretended to sleep with her back to everyone with the soul intention of eavesdropping. Snuggled in her sheets as the others sat around the fire, she was horrified by what she'd heard: Nontikmah and her father had had a child - which Nontikmah had killed soon after its birth! Wynn couldn't believe it. Her mind flew into a panic, into a flash of emotions from confusion to anger to despair. But what really angered her was the fact that everyone else seemed to know and yet had failed to tell her!

As if they're protecting me from the truth, Wynn thought bitterly. She squeezed her eyes shut and curled her fingers hard into her pillow. Everyone was always trying to protect her, keep things from her, sugarcoat shit and fill her head with lies! But after listening to the miserable conversation that had taken place between Nontikmah and her father, Wynn fervently wished that she had really gone to sleep than to know such a thing.

"Geez, Wynn, lighten up," said a voice, and Sylas appeared at Wynn's side, kneeling as before. He smiled down at her. "If you start getting all doom and gloom I might just dump you."

Wynn sat up out of her body when Sylas guided her into astral projection, and without hesitating, she slapped him hard across the face.

"Wynn!"

"Why didn't you tell me anything about this?" Wynn demanded. "How could you keep all this from me? Our parents had a kid, Sylas! Your mother is dying - you're some kind of king and I have to forfeit my mortality to be with you?!"

"I was going to tell you . . ."

"When? When you'd already fucked me at the final ritual and I was a fox? Or a hundred years later after I gave birth?"

Sylas scowled. "Calm down! You know how hard it is to tell someone you saw your own mother kill your brother? Smother him as he slept in his crib? He wasn't a newborn pup, Wynn. He had been around for months. We'd sang to him and held him and played with h-him -!" Sylas broke off with difficulty and bowed his head, and Wynn was sorry for hitting him.

"I --" Sylas lifted his head and stared past Wynn. "I never thought I'd see such a horrible thing in my life. Not at her paw anyway. Never."

"Sylas . . . I don't know what to say . . ."

"Then don't say anything."

Wynn stared at the ground a moment, then slowly closed her paw over his. "I love you, Sylas," she whispered. It had blossomed in her heart finally, that love. She knew it for certain now. There wasn't anyone she wanted to be with more. In spite of all the madness, she loved him.

Sylas looked up quickly, and when his ears pricked forward, Wynn realized for the first time that he seemed too preoccupied to have delved into her mind to know beforehand. So it was true. If he was this upset, then everything was true.

"Do you?" Sylas asked in earnest, his eyes glued to her face. "Do you really love me?"

Wynn smiled sheepishly and nodded.

Sylas grinned. "So . . . what does this mean? You'll come with me?"

"I have to see my mother first, Sylas. And . . . I feel needed here. For a while anyway. Something is going on with my grandfather and I need to know that things are alright with my parents before I leave them." She needed to see Avi fall into Kilyan's arms, needed to see them happy together at last. She couldn't do anything until she witnessed that.

"And then there's Inden," Wynn added heavily. "This isn't over with him. I c-couldn't just up and leave him after everything I've put him through --"

"You have to make sure he's happy too," said Sylas, rolling his eyes. "I understand, Wynn. You love Inden, after all."

Wynn laughed girlishly at the bitter note in Sylas' voice. "Will you always be jealous?" she teased.

"For eternity," was the answer.

Sylas put his arm around Wynn. She dropped her head on his shoulder, he rested his head on her mane, and they laughed together. They shared a long and happy silence before something suddenly occurred to Wynn. She lifted her head.

"What is it?"

"I just remembered . . . The last time you were with me, I woke up and . . . your - seed - was on me."

Sylas pressed his fingers between her thighs and slipped them into her heat. "You want it on you again?" he whispered as he fingered her.

"Sylas!" Wynn scolded and shoved his paw away. "What if I get with your pup!"

"That's the whole point, Wynn. You're the chosen."

"You think you could have told me I was the chosen first?"

"Wynn, you asked me to come inside!" Sylas protested. "You fantasized about it and I gave it to you. Can you really blame me?"

"No . . . I guess it isn't your fault. But still, you could have told me about all this. So you're a king. . . ."

"The only king. My mother made sure of that . . ." said Sylas bitterly.

Wynn's ears pricked forward. "You know why she did it?"

"Yeah, after eavesdropping on you guys," he admitted with a hollow laugh. "I know everything now. I feel terrible . . . I mean, I didn't physically hurt my mother. It wasn't like I went ape-shit and beat her or something. But I threw her in the mud! I shut her out in the cold to die alone --"

"You thought she was a murderer," Wynn said, rubbing his arm. "You didn't know!"

"I came into her dreams earlier today. I walked up to her through the mist and I just held her. She was so happy to see me, crying and squeezing me. I let her do that until she woke up. I think she feels better now. I think she's more at peace. That's what I tell myself anyway."

"What are you going to do?" Wynn asked, gazing anxiously up at Sylas. He looked troubled still, and it frightened her.

"Keep following you. Watch over you. Protect you. Eavesdrop on all your conversations. And when you reach the jungle, you should finally see the real me. Just whisper my name when you're alone, and I'll come."

Sylas cupped Wynn's face and kissed her to reassure her. Then he smiled, and in a flash of light, was gone.