FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Previously:

"We've been here before."

Lost in the confusing layout of the Covenant ship, the group sneaks past a congregation of hunters, then fight their way to a spirit drop ship. But unforeseen circumstances see the squad slaughtered, and leaves Seth all alone to fight off the furious Covenant armada who want a piece of him.

"Fear the pink mist, motherfuckers."

Seth manages to escape on a Banshee fighter, but crashes, destroying his method of transport. Looking to the sky he sees Locks' drop ship which escaped crash not too far away. He needs to rescue Locks if he is to save his own life.

---***---

Halo: FUBAR

Chapter 06

[With Great Promotion Comes Great Responsibility]

> 2552, Olduvai, The Inner Colonies, Mission Time: 18 Hours.

I knew I was screwed when I entered the district. This part of Olduvai was where I grew up. Walking on through the streets, passing countless shop fronts, I saw where my mother had brought me to buy my first school uniform. I saw that little noodle shop where I used to eat lunch. The recruitment office where I signed up for service in the UNSC military... all horrible memories.

My mom being a cheap bitch had bought a uniform that was several sizes too small, making me the laughing stock in my school on the first day. The noodle shop where I ate was the only decent place in this area of the city to eat, but it gave me salmonella every fucking time. And joining the UNSC military was probably not my brightest career move... then again, it was that or become a male stripper at the local club.

As I continued down the street, I kept my eyes on the black smoke pluming into the air to my left, several kilometres away still. That was where Locks' spirit had crashed. That was my objective. Get the captain back, then link up Mira and split.

Reaching the corner of the next block I took cover by the front of some kind of 'adult' shop and peeked around.

In the next street I saw the spirit, two pronged 'nose' sticking into the ground, sitting the whole vehicle up like an upside-down tuning fork. There was debris littering the street where Locks' landing had taken half a building down with him.

My stomach churned loud enough to wake the dead when I saw the Covenant troops swarming around the crash site. There were four grunts, a jackal male with a round energy shield mounted on his wrist and finally there was a single blue armoured elite, also a male. I remembered what Mira had told me about every major species in the Covenant wanting a piece of me. I'd have to tread lightly.

Shouldering my SMG, I watched and waited as the jackal dragged Captain Locks out from under the wreckage, throwing the cream-puff onto his knees in front of the elite.

"Okay, hear me out, I can explain this!" I heard Locks shout in a pleading tone. "I'm a captain, see? I can get you the location of earth." The elite seemed surprised and eased his towering stance slightly. "You like that? Good. I can even get you access to the bee-net."

I shook my head. What a douche.

Standing, weapon level, I charged at them. My finger jerked at the trigger and the M7S coughed. The first burst went into a grunt's head, knocking the little alien over. As I got closer I unleashed a sustained burst, spraying rounds across the other three with a sweeping motion. All three squad aliens were knocked down, dancing to the rhythm my SMG sustained.

As fluorescent blood spurted out of the holes made in the perforated grunt-armour, I lowered the weapon only to yell a taunt at their corpses. "Notify the next of kin, 'cuz..." I paused a second longer. "Wait a minute. Am I recycling old lines?"

Something hit me in the side, knocking me clean off my feet. The ground angled up at me and I landed face down on my hands. With a grunt I rolled over and looked up at the jackal that had charged me and knocked me over with a blow from his shield. I'm not sure what possessed the jackal to do what he did next, but I'm not sure I really cared at the time. Leaving his body completely vulnerable to fire, he hung his arms at his side and screeched at me.

My SMG snapped up in one hand and I emptied the mag into the alien's chest. Purple blood splattered my front as the reptilian creature was knocked backwards and hit the ground twitching.

Locking my SMG on my hip I tugged loose my pistol as I rolled to my feet, facing my last adversary. The elite... who had primed a grenade and was ready to throw it.

"Whoa!" I cried, ducking to one side as the grenade soared past me and landed somewhere out of my field of vision.

It exploded a second later. The shockwave tossed me forward and I hit the deck face down again, my pistol falling from my grip and clattering away loudly. Cursing and moaning at the pain that raced through my body now, I managed to plant both hands on the cold ground and push myself up to my knees, looking up. The elite was striding closer, a glistening energy blade clutched in one hand, the two pronged tips skimming off the ground at his heel.

"Not good!" I cried, scrambling backwards until my hand slipped and I landed flat on my back, watching the elite tower high above me.

The meagre sunlight washed out everything, and all I saw was the glinting outline of the muscular alien. The sword hung high and swished down...

Curling into a ball was probably the smartest thing I'd done all day, because as I did so the sword missed my head by a whole inch embedding into the tarmac beside me with a crash and a hiss. Looking up, I immediately saw the elite struggle to pull the blade free. I took a chance and lashed out with a kick.

My boot hit the alien in the stomach and caused him to stumble back, his fingers slipping from the blade's handle. I looked to where my pistol had gone to see it had landed next to where Locks was cowering behind a chunk of debris.

"Locks!" I barked, pointing at the pistol. "The gun! Throw me the gun! Throw me the gun!"

Locks leaned sideways and reached down for the weapon.

"Yes, hurry up! Throw me the damn..." I fell silent as locks threw me a rock the size of my fist. It clattered to a halt next to my hand and I looked from it up to Locks who smiled and wave looking very proud of himself. "Thanks." I said in a bored, tired tone. Why me?

A roar caught my attention and I looked back up to the elite who recovered. As the alien clenched his fists, moving forward again, I rolled to my feet, closed the distance and brought my knee up, hands slapping against the elite's chest. My knee pad made contact with the elite's crotch with such force, his shield flashed out of existence and I heard a distinct crunching noise.

Howling the elite jumped back, cradling what I assumed were his balls in both hands. He was semi-doubled over, mandibles twisted in an odd look of agony. Coughing, the elite looked directly at me as I hopped from foot to foot like a boxer, keeping my fists up.

"Yeah, bitch. Have some of them potatoes..." I stopped as the elite struck back. Only the blow wasn't aimed for the face as I expected it to be. It came from low.

The elite twisted around and lashed out with a powerful kick, the heel of his boot hitting me in the cod-piece. There was a dull clang of armour on armour, but the gel-layer cushioning my privates did nothing to absorb the blow. Pain shot up through my stomach as my balls disappeared into my gut. I could have sworn I was about to puke them up... luckily I didn't.

"Aaaargh!" I cried as the blow literally lifted me an inch off the ground. I doubled over in the air and landed heavily on my knees, clutching my armoured crotch. "AAAaaargh, son of a bitch! You fucker!" I yelled at the alien. The jerking action of the kick must have caused him pain, because the alien was now too on his knees, squirming with fresh agony.

"You started it!" the elite barked at me. "Just wait until I shit out my testicles! I'm going to end you!"

"End me?" I yelled. "I've already ended you... your ability to make fuck-ugly little offspring that is, split-face!"

"I'll kill you!" the alien growled.

"Bet you don't have the danglies. Oh, that's right, they're internal now!" I shouted back.

That kind of exchange went on for a little while. I burned him a few times. He burned me here and there... actually he didn't, he just described more and more inventive ways of disembowelling me. One of them was actually quite interesting. He had devised a method of reaching up my ass and ripping my brain out in one whole piece. That was actually something I would pay to see... not happening to me of course. That would defeat the object.

Eventually the pain subsided and we climbed to our feet, still panting for breath... when a snipe-shot cracked through the air.

A tracer scythed down from the sky and the round vented the elite's head. Brain and skull splattered to the ground as the cracked helmet clattered noisily on the tarmac. The alien fell with a dull thud, laying there in a curled up position, both hands still clutching his crotch.

Slowly I managed to stoop and retrieve my weapons, holstering my pistol and locking my SMG to my hip as I looked up. A hornet descended from the heavens, followed by several pelican drop ships carrying marines and warthogs.

The hornet touched down and Sergeant Boone jumped off the stabiliser. It goes without saying I did a quick check of my surroundings to make sure nothing needed killing.

"Great job, kid!" Boone congratulated me, marching over as he slid his rifle over one shoulder and locked it to his back. "You rescued the captain. You deserve a promotion."

"And you're a massive faggot." I said blatantly.

Boone merely laughed. "You said it, trooper." As per usual, Boone was ignoring every sound coming out of my mouth. He just moved to where Captain Locks lay.

The captain had fallen over during the fight and was no like an upturned turtle, waving his arms and legs trying to roll onto his front. Boone merely grabbed him by the hand and with impossible ease pulled the fat-bastard to his feet.

"Sir, good to see you again." Boone said.

"Yes, very good, sergeant." Locks dusted himself off. "I have a new mission for your corporal." Locks smiled broadly.

"For me? Now listen here you tub of lard..." I started with a warning tone, but went on ignored.

"We failed to initialise cole protocol before the crash. Now Covenant are swarming all over the UNSC Cuddles." Locks explained, leading Boone to the nearest pelican as it touched down. "we need to get aboard the wreckage of that marathon class cruiser and retrieve the intact AI."

"The sergeant is all over it, aren't you?" Boone asked over his shoulder.

The two of them jumped on the nearest pelican and turned to the ODST sergeant they were leaving in the dust... yeah, you guessed it. I was that ODST sergeant being left in the dust. I had been given a promotion... and it sucked.

"Sergeant Sawyer." I muttered to myself. "That sounds kinda... stupid." There had to be a joke in that somewhere, I just knew it. And as I watched the pelican take off, angling away and soaring off into the distance, I knew both Boone and Locks were laughing at me. I watched, waving my only way off this planet good-bye. I was fucked. And Mira wasn't going to be happy. I wondered what she was like when she was angry. When lucid she was pretty aggressive already.

Then something sprang to mind. They had said the Cuddles' AI was intact. Well of course! That was my ticket out of this mess! I was being sent to retrieve the AI, I could easily disappear with it. It would no doubt contain the codes I needed to slip past the UNSC blockade in orbit. Plus it would have the coordinates of Earth to boot, so I could find my way home! Perfect!

All around me pelicans touched down, dumping a range of vehicles and weapon crates before expelling the marines cradled in their armoured wombs. One pelican soared low over my head, causing me to duck and dropped the troop-carrier variant warthog directly in front of me. It then shifted over and let the marines inside dismount.

I watched the marines jump from the pelican and mount the troop-hog, then smiled as I saw a familiar face. Sergeant Major Token marched right on over to me, smiling equally broadly with a fresh cigar lodged in the corner of his mouth.

"Hi, To-ken!" I sang happily, waving to the marine.

"S'up, Saw-yer!" Token sang back in his sultry tone, holding up a fist. "What's the story, mornin' glory?"

I bumped my fist against his. "What's the word, humming bird?"

We laughed it off, staring at each other for a long time... before our smiles faded and unbearably ashamed of ourselves we averted our gaze to the ground.

"I feel like a massive tool now." Token muttered.

"Yeah." I slowly said in agreement.

"Oh, well." Token shrugged, leading me over to the army-green warthog. "You can ride with us." With a clean bound, Token leapt into the rear of the warthog, patting the roll cage with one hand. His other reached back and pulled loose the Militia Army standard MA37 assault rifle from his back. I blinked at the rifle, wondering when, or why the marines had made the sudden change over.

Shrugging it off, I walked around the front of the vehicle, inspecting every angular plate. And eventually my eyes settled on the 'hog's name printed on the bonnet in black letters. Chick Magnet. I stared at it for a moment, then looked up at Token who was grinning.

"I know what the ladies like." He said with a confident nod.

The marine in the driver seat looked up to his sergeant, speaking in an Australian accent. "Ladies like big cocks?"

"Yeah, ladies like..." Token started off smoothly, then suddenly coughed, spitting out his cigar. "Big cocks? What planet are you from, boy?" he shouted at the driver. "Ladies love grinding threads!"

"And armour plating!" one of the other marines commented.

"What about scars? Chick dig battle scars." Another said.

"Yes, they dig all that stuff." Token said. "But big cocks? That's just stupid!"

"Sarge, don't tell me you haven't met a chick who likes big cocks?" the Australian marine sighed, twisting the ignition causing the engine to chug to life as I climbed into the passenger seat. "There's no need to be so defensive... unless there's a reason you never share the showers with the rest of us guys."

"Boy, I'm about to slap your down-under-parts into next week!" Token shouted at the private. "Drive before I kill you!"

"That's offensive, sarge." One marine said, earning a smack upside the head.

"Bite me!"