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PART 3: The First Day

This was a time for everybody to get settled as they entered the ever-shifting arena, the majority of it being thick woods. However, as Megatron rammed through the woods, finally hitting solid ground...

VOP!

He was suddenly gone, along with Lilith. Ed had also vanished, but at a different time. Loona was left to skid across the ground, her nose in the dirt. Looking up with a growl, she saw that the Karen was above her. "Where the hell's that manager?! My soaps are on and screw anybody that tells me to 'be patient'!" She screeched.

"Ugh, shut the fuck up, bitch! My ride just vanished!" Loona snarled before her claws came out. "Time to blow off some fucking stea-GCK!" She suddenly went rigid when she felt something eat away at her center. Looking down, she saw that an orb of fel energy had lodged itself in her waist, expanding and ready to explode.

Unamused, she looked at the Karen, whom had decided to wisely flee. "Well...fu-"

BOOM! Loona was no more, reduced to ash and energy for Kael'Thas to suck up. "Hmmm. I was aiming for the human...but I consider this a happy accident."

"So, we're supposed to excuse poor aim as that?" Swain said, stone-faced as ever.

"That will be ALL, human." The Blood Elf's eye twitched before realizing something. "Speaking of humans, where did that insipid one go? The one that's...supposedly...useful?"

"Akrog remembers." The troll wandered in, carrying a large orange/red fruit. "Brittlebones vanished in a puff of light. Perhaps...he was taken away from this nightmare? Akrog does not hear his voice in the ether, so he must still be alive."

Before Swain could say anything, a loud roar interrupted them. Before the trio knew it, a Short-Faced Bear emerged from the woods, letting out yet another bellow. Remember. This wasn't your average grizzly. It was THE ursine. The apex. And one that didn't take kindly to trespassers.

Unfortunately, as it rushed at them, Swain just smashed its spine with his demonic hand, gaining a soul fragment (albeit a small one) out of it. "Behold. Our food."

"A fine meal. Maybe with some seasoning..." Just so it wouldn't go to waste, Akrog took a bite out of the berry in his hand. "Mmnnn...not too bad." However, his ears began to tingle...before they became that of a fox, complete with fluff and such. Not to mention, his hips felt a bit wider. "Akrog...believes we should be careful of what we eat."

"I doubt any of us is going to regret feasting on a perfectly good bear." Kael'Thas scoffed, unaware that the cubs of the ursine were watching. They'd remember this...

As for the Karen's group, which she ran to in a panting and huffing state, she found Candle Jack holding yet another item. A jawbreaker, fresh from Ed's hometown of Peach Creek. "How am I supposed to do this? I don't even have a mouth?"

"Shouldn't have thought of stitching it shut." Jane said as he drank some whiskey...or, at least, he thought it was whiskey. When he realized what he had done, he read the label: Equinium. "Okay...not the smartest move I've made, but I'm a stressed guy. It's what I do." Really, all that happened was that he felt his strength increase somewhat, though his mind felt just a tad slower.

Back with Ripley's team, they were mostly getting their bearings in a territory that Samalla was staking out. Aiming with her typical sniper rifle, she hung out in a tree to pass the time. "Let's see..." She began by checking on her own team.

Mina, despite her perceived laziness, was actually doing some training herself. She may have been a rather prickly goth, but she would do anything to win. Thus, she was practicing aiming a glok at some stumps she put in a line. "So far, so good." Samalla remarked before turning to Rosemary.

The cat was minding her own business, more than happy to be free of that painful sauce. "I'm parched." She panted, before finding a curious draft next to her. A 'Demon's Delight' draft, if you will. "Oooh! Sparkly!" She said before chugging the thing down, calming her thirst immensely.

What she didn't expect was for her to suddenly grow a set of yellow wings with white fur attached to the membrane, as well as a slightly bigger rack. "Oh...kay." Samalla blinked. "Note to self: drink everything." She then moved onto the team leader. Ripley, that is.

Turns out, while looking for firewood, she had been beset by a swarm of mosquitos. Think Alaska bad. That's how big the swarm was and how Basky seriously needed to get an exterminator. "Fuck! Right in the circuits!" She snarled, unaware that Fisto was just walking through the swarm, as if nothing was happening.

"Assessment...I need to return to base. Swarm is too thick." The machine stated, wandering back peacefully as Ripley made her way out.

As the chinchilla continued to make her assessment, somebody was yelling at her below. "HEY! YOU! Rat! I'm here to challenge you! And this time, with the ultimate game!" Annoyed, she looked down to see the Shock Master himself. He was adjusting his helmet as he held out a random Yu-Gi-Oh card. "Face me in intellectual combat!"

Not willing to get her hands dirty just yet, she just ignored him, but not before leaving this nugget. "Tell me literally every single rule of the game and we'll talk."

That left the tubby has-been in a state of silence as he mulled them over. He ended up wandering back to his team as he tried to think of a condensed way to prove that he knew what he was doing (spoilers: we don't blame him for not being able to).

Pete was helping patch up Fisto from any mosquitos stuck between the cracks. "Say, did I tell you about that giant Deathclaw in the robes that nearly killed me with 'holy magic' or somethin', before some adverts for 'Raid something-something' show up?" Clearly, Pete was referring to a battle with Raptor Jesus that...well, let's just say it ended like an upcoming battle.

As for Taft? Well, he and AILF, of all people, kinda suffered quite the BRUH moment. Wisely, nobody decided to comment on this and just move on. We'll just state it plain. Taft happened to fall into a bathtub in the middle of nowhere that AILF had been hiding in to spy on enemy teams. The Arcanine was crushed while the former president instantly died. Just like that.

History is fun, isn't it? Look it up. Trust me. It's a riot.

Knuckles (now recovered from that volcano sauce thing) and Ken were alone by themselves, traveling through the woods in search of a fight. "Hey, whatever happened to that vampire guy?" The echidna asked. "And that guy in the suit?"

Ken just laid his arms behind his head. "Probably having more luck than we are at getting some action around here. Heck, last I checked, they didn't seem to care when they just up and vanished."

Turns out, they didn't just 'up and vanish'. Fate had something in store for each of them. For Setzer, he had found himself confronted with Captain Marvel herself, her fists blazing with energy. "This almost doesn't feel fair." The cocky superheroine boasted. "I'll make this quick."

"Hmph. We'll see if lady luck is on your side." Setzer calmly stated, slots appearing behind him, ready to decide what sort of effect he would gain in his favor or detriment.

Before even a blow could be struck, a bunch of obnoxious YouTube ads began to fill the area. Everything from car commercials to Raid-Sucker Legends (because that's what it is). "What the?! Hey!" Marvel's solution was to punch the crap out of each ad, but they just kept coming.

"On second thought...I'll take my business elsewhere." Setzer swung his cape and decided to rejoin his companions. "I wonder if that vampire just had the same stroke of bad-ish luck."

Worse luck, actually. As Knotz could attest to. He was whistling to himself as he loomed over the frozen corpse of a shocked Alucard. Turns out, when the vampire came for him, sword at the ready, all the dragon had to do was stomp on the ground, causing a coolant pipe to suddenly burst from below and fire the freezing gas/liquid all over the undead one.

Basky never really had OSHA compliance as even a secondary requirement for this arena. Blame her, basically, for Alucard's undignified demise when Knotz decided to just shatter Alucard by way of his tail. "Yo, pup! Where are you?"

"Give me a minute...I think I hear something..." CILF said as he held an ear out, hearing our captive half-genie along with her group. "Heh. I'd tap that. But first, I think we may wanna lay low. We're down to only two of us."

"I'm a dragon. Who needs caution?" Knotz remarked, prompting an eye-roll from the canine.

As for Shantae, whom was still carrying her hammer (though finding it a bit redundant with her quicker natural powers), was doing her best to calm down Fidget. "Look, you were thirsty! But not anymore, right?"

"Speak for yourself! I was parched, yeah, but now I have this stupid fluffy tail-tip!" The Nimbat, haven unknowingly drank Satyr's Milk, showed her new wooly tip, waving it in outrage. "I mean, come on! How's anybody supposed to take us seriously if we have to put up with that image problem?"

"I think it looks good on you." Isabelle said as she stretched and laid against the grass, finding it to be relaxing after having to be one of the few who scored a kill during the Bloodbath.

Judy, for her part, was also trying to relax, but the food she had managed to grab was, like with Jack, a jawbreaker. Naturally, she tossed it aside. "Not willing to try EVERY thing, this time around." She joked to herself to add a little levity.

Meanwhile, Danny was chasing Heavy Chonker around, the cat having already begun to utilize his Stand. "Let me love you!" The man shouted as Sean Bean thought about his fans back at home. Something to comfort him in the middle of his havoc, his hand rubbing his sweaty head.

But that was still not as bad as Samantha holding her fingers to her temples as Not-Katara ran around like an idiot, swarmed by that same marauding plague of mosquitos from earlier. "Can't you use your water powers to...maybe drown them in mid-air?" She asked softly.

"ZUKO! Where are you, sweet prince?!" Not-Katara wailed, her opponent, Ankha, barely managing to escape the hoard.

"Going outside should be fun and relaxing! Not this! Me-meow!" She moaned before Veigar's finger poked her shoulder. "You?"

"Yes. Me." The wizard's eye twitched as he spied Samantha in the bushes, his eyes narrowing. "Look at them. They're helpless. Hopeless. We just need the right time to strike those fools dead."

"AND WE SHALL FEAST UPON THEIR REMAINS AS TRIBUE TO THE LORD ABOVE." Raptor Jesus stated commandingly, unnerving the two.

"Wait, what happened to River?" Ankha asked, tilting her tail in confusion.

Veigar just sighed. "She's...going to be back in a moment. I do not envy her situation, though."

Now, you may be wondering what happened to Ed, River, Lilith, Megatron, Sub, and Arcee? Well, the answer takes us all the way to the halls of Hyrule. Y'know? The kingdom from that particular phase in the Zelda timeline? CDi? Ring any bells?

"PLEASE! Your omnipotence!" Sub was on his knees, weeping like a baby as Lilith, a transformed Arcee, and Megatron watched, embarrassed and confused. "Have mercy!"

"After you've scrubbed all the floors in Hyule, THEN we can talk about mercy." The King himself tossed him a washcloth, as well as everybody else. "Take them away!"

Sub wailed further. "Physical labor! WHY?! Oh, man alive, WHY?!"

"Quit your sobbing, human, and get to work!" Megatron muttered, having smelled the familiar smell of cosmic rust in this kingdom. If he had to work to get back on track...then so be it.

Arcee wouldn't stop glaring daggers into the Decepticon, but there was something that bothered her. This particular one thought he was Megatron himself. Yet he looked more demonic and, dare she admitted, more like an Earth vehicle in terms of kibble. Could it be...an imposter? Whatever the case, she got to her task. "Optimus, do you copy?" She activated her com-link, to no avail.

Lilith sighed as she got to work, though she did wince when she saw Megatron hovering over her. "You..." He spoke more softly, but still in a way that sent chills down her spine. "You're one of my new allies? Fine...what can you do?" He asked as his claw-tips handled several washcloths at once.

The Dreamkeeper cleared her throat. "I...I heal. I take it you blow things up?" She got the point, earning a humorless chuckle from the machine.

"I am Megatron...I do not just 'blow things up'...I annihilate. I conquer! I reign supreme! But for now...I concede that we will have to be sticking close if any of us has any chance of success...so...healer...prove to me that you have what it takes. Oh, and what of that human from before?" He wondered.

"Good question." Lilith decided to change the subject. Obviously, this robot was bad news. Clearly sinister, grizzled, but willing to cooperate. At least, she hoped.

As an answer to that question, we direct you to where Ed and River were standing next to each-other, shivering like leafs as a VERY familiar Subway mascot moved behind them and gripped their asses. "How'd you folks like to see my NEW foot-long?" Jared Fogle licked his lips, giving everybody that creepy smile.

"I'm not in my happy place!" Ed wailed.

"None of us are." River winced, her tail so close to just grabbing her sledgehammer and braining this human with it.

Finally, Acererak, for his part, was already in the middle of setting up a plan. By himself, as usual. Vlad was too busy on patrol, searching for that mysterious motorbike that was Arcee. Or, y'know, looking for an excuse not to hang out with the lich simalcrum. That same lich had found the perfect hideout. An abandoned nuclear bunker, complete with wide open spaces similar to the chambers his creator used to make.

But he did not plan on making a death trap here. Not entirely. Most of the paths were closed off and all he found was a single egg. Picking it up, he detected what was inside...and knowledge began to rush into his head. Knowledge of a species that the ancient city of Atlantis created...and sealed their fate with.

Chuckling to himself, he began to cast a spell that duplicated the easy-to-make artificial egg. Then another. And another...and another...and another...and another...

Part 4: The First Night

Night is usually a time for relaxation and planning. Of course, rest never truly happened in these lands, but you do what you can. As of now, Veigar had fallen fast asleep, despite bragging that he would never rest until "...the bones of his enemies littered the ground and..." something-something from there.

For now, he was being cradled and rocked around by River's tail, the Vaporeon writing her will in the meantime. "If...I faint...or, Arceus forbid, die...then please...shut down...every Subway peddling Jared's image in existence..." She finished.

"HALT! WE ARE BESET BY UNWELCOME COMPANY." Raptor Jesus pointed, as Fisto was awkwardly wandering over a hill. "TASTE DIVINE FURY!" Normally, he would have unleashed his claws, but there was nothing to eat with prey made of metal.

So he did the next best thing and fired a holy blast from his hands, searing the 'face' of the machine. "Conclusion: Bad idea. Returning to base." With that, the robot turned tail, but not before being flipped by a flying Rosemary, whom was quite enjoying her new demonic wings.

"This is amazing! I think I can see my house from up here!" The restless feline couldn't stop twirling in the air, letting out joyful noises all the while.

"Nnnng...quiet..." Veigar muttered. "Make it...stop..."

"Master, I'm trying, but I can't get a clear shot!" River exclaimed, penning her Will meanwhile.

Ankha, however, just wandered over, looking displeased at the meal she found lying on the ground earlier. A little thing we call the 'Nasty Patty'. "Repulsive. Who would want-" She turned to the flying feline-demon and heard Veigar's words. She looked to the patty and got an idea...

Without warning, Rosemary suddenly found an expired patty made with every worst ingredient imaginable lobbed at her throat, causing her to swallow it and choke. As she gagged, she crashed into a cliff-face, smashing her head and sending her falling to her death. "Problem solved. Me-meow." Ankha dusted off her paws, yawning as the others looked mildly perturbed.

Back with the now-deceased Rosemary's team, Samalla was still in her tree, but dozing off meant that she had lost track of time and realized she was upside down, her tail caught on the branches and looking at Mina in the eye. "'sup?" The sparrow put her feather-hands to her hips.

"Mention this to nobody." The chinchilla narrowed her eyes before climbing back up the tree. "Final thing for the day...where did Ripley go?" She had to admit. Having a small but spunky cyborg on the team was a definite boon, compared to the more mundane members of the team.

What she saw when she looked out sort of confused her. There was Ripley, sitting down and with her red bio-lights glowing dangerously. As if she was obviously upset. Around her were the Karen (whom was snoring up a storm), Jane (whom was trying to scoot away from the next guy), and Akrog. Akrog, in particular, seemed nervous about this whole thing.

"What are they...doing?" Mina asked. "Did Ripley go rogue or...?"

"No. I think I see what the problem is." Samalla's scope zoomed in on a conch in the center. The infamous 'Magic Conch' that Basky must have dredged up from the irradiated waters of Bikini Bottom. "They actually FOLLOWED that damn thing. With any luck, they'll just...fall asleep and we'll swoop in to grab her. I bet she'd appreciate that."

"Or we could just kill those other idiots in the process." Mina cocked her gun, feathers ruffled.

"Too risky." Samalla stated. "These sniper bullets are less than useless, that ghost is hovering around in case of risks..." Sure enough, Candle Jack was waving at the scope, intent on staying awake. Not that he ever slept. "...and who knows where that troll's allies are hiding."

To answer that, we take you to the developing stronghold of Swain and Kael'Thas, the latter of which was just standing about, stewing away about having to work with a demonically empowered human. However, as Swain was trying to create a fire to light the fortress of wood, a wisp of power struck him in the face. "OW! Who did that?!"

"We have an intruder?" Swain raised a brow.

The blood elf looked around, only for another wisp to hit him in the butt. "Gah! Who keeps doing that?! Show yourself, coward!" Another one suddenly caused his hair to shrivel up until it was much shorter. "WHO IS DOING THIS?!"

"I...don't sense anything. It must be an illusion." Swain supposed before chuckling. "I say, that new look suits you well."

"You know what?! SHUT UP, YOU!" Kael'Thas snarled as the wisps stopped, but the humiliation remained. Needless to say, Acererak had a good laugh over that little joke he did from afar in his bunker. Something to pass the time.

It's safe to say that lich abandoned his team, leaving Arcee and Vlad to fend for themselves. Not that they were having too bad of a time this night. Obviously, the night was Vlad's domain, so he would eternally stand guard over the spot where he and Arcee were situated. He was just brooding, minding his own business as Arcee continued to try and contact Optimus (and kept hacking into something else entirely by accident), when-

KA-BOOM! A stream of flames fell down onto his area, causing him to have to hit the deck and forcing Arcee to transform as they hit the ground. "What in..." Vlad looked up, only to see Knotz fly overhead, laughing to himself after he had destroyed what few rations the vampire and Cybertronian had. "Blasted thing." He snarled, thinking of ways to bring down that flying demon.

As Knotz flew through the skies and his partner, CILF, howled to the full moon for the sake of empowerment, Isabelle was busy trying to get that flat-screen TV from earlier to work. Apparently, it had been discarded, but it had cable, at least! Netflix was on her mind, but Arcee kept unknowingly hacking into it. "Oh, dear...this is probably why I'm never catching up on Troll Hunters ever." She supposed.

"I'd worry about that less..." Judy yawned. "I think I get the picture. We just need to stick together and we'll make it through this. I've been through worse...relatively speaking. Still, where did the others go?"

She got her answer as Fidget was riding atop Shantae's harpy-form, running away from a horde of bats that they had awakened. "THIS is why I hate the dark! Or, really, the things IN THE DARK!"

The cause of that? Well, Fidget had the supposedly brilliant idea of invading a cave for a bigger place to rest, only for Knuckles to ruin everything by punching it out of frustration of not fighting anybody today. The resulting bat swarm was quite something, as Judy face-palmed from it all.

The moment Knuckles returned to Setzer and Ken, the gambler was just sitting on a stump and checking his card. "Lively night, I take it?" He smirked, while Ken snored the night away.

"Don't even JOKE about it." Knuckles muttered. "So much better when it was just Rouge giving bat-bites..." We'll leave context to the wind with that.

Pete was snoozing the day away, resting against the returned Fisto, whom watched as the Shock Master was attempting to bury Taft, but he was visibly struggling to lift him out of the tub, much less carry him. "Hrrrngh...I can do this...just...this is why I should have gotten into American history...so I'd be prepared a little..."

"Assessment: Hole not big enough for him to be buried in. Would request leaving body behind." Fisto suggested as he began to power down. A suggestion that the failed wrestler might just follow...

Samantha and Marvel were dozing off, though the latter was prepared to blast the head off of anybody that dared wake her. Not-Katara, on the other hand...well, she once again thought she could search for her precious Not-Zuko, but she ended up looking headlong into a playing of Scary Godmother that Basky had left in a few areas.

Look, the sluthound knew it was almost Christmas, but hey. Leftovers from a past session. Either way, the water-bender wound up with her eyes feeling smoking hot and burnt, collapsing next to her team and screaming into a bush to desperately make the pain go away.

Sean Bean was humming to himself 'Carry On, My Wayward Son' to calm himself, leaning against a tree and crossing his arms as Danny and Chonker were sleeping together. Or, really, the cat was laying atop the singer/Grump, licking his chops and wagging his tail.

Finally, we get to how Megatron's team was doing, with all free from their sudden predicaments of the day. Lilith, before she would go to sleep, was writing an entry on a data-scroll she managed to bring along with her. Something to calm the nerves as she was now part of a strange new world.

Long Entry #1: Night approaches and so far, I think I might have a standing chance as long as I stay in the good graces of those around me. With the one named 'Ed'...he seems sweet. Helpful, even. Right now, he's hugging one of the enemy combatants close to him in his sleep, but I don't think that'll amount to anything.

Yes, Ed happened to have an unexpected and unknown partner as he loudly snoozed away. Sub had been teleported into his arms as he slept, making him sweat profusely and his ears hurt. "Why couldn't I have been teleported to sleep with the furry?! I mean, come on, mate!"

But then there's the issue of this...Megatron. He looks like a Nightmare, but he acts cordial enough. Something about him, though. I can't put my finger on it, but he seems...sad, more times than often. Like he lost something important to him. Whatever the case, I'll do everything I can to return home...back to my friends.

She finished, but, before going to sleep, she looked to the side and saw Megatron laying against a tree, looking up to the sky. "How ironic. One day...the one day one notices that I was the most powerful gladiator of all of Kaon...and that one uses it to place me in YET another death-sport...another one I shall win, but a death-sport nonetheless." He turned to Lilith. "Tell me...how comfortable are you with taking life?"

That caused the Dreamkeeper to wince. "I don't take life. I'm a pacifist."

"...so a coward then?" He raised an optic, a claw picking his teeth. "One that would sooner let others die than betray your philosophy?"

"What?! No!" She responded. "I just...I don't kill! Alright? I just heal!"

"So you'd rather I do all the slaughter while you pat yourself on the back?" He got up a bit, crouching down to look her in the eye. "Look at me. I lost many I held close to my spark because of my inaction. DO NOT...make the same mistake." With that, he slumped against the tree again, dreaming of the many ways he could secure victory.

Lilith just sat there, mulling over his words. She had done her fair share of violent things to survive and protect those around her, but...what if...her previous way of handling things...wouldn't suffice this time around?