The Bet, WIP
"The Bet"
Have you ever heard the definition of "A Perfect Layover?" It's a damn good joke, even if ya aren't in the airline industry. Okay, here it goes: For a Flight Engineer, the perfect layover is a landing without too many troubles and two girls in his bed at night. For a Co-Pilot, the perfect layover is a night at a motel that doesn't overcook his steak and one girl in his bed at night. For a pilot, the perfect layover is a successful bowel movement.
I'm a pilot.
Anyway, guys... what I'm tryin' to say is that us pilots don't get laid very much. Dunno why, maybe it's 'cause we have too much work to do flyin' planes and such. Maybe 'cause we're older than the flight attendants want. I dunno! But I'm jealous of those flight engineers I work with. I can't understand how they get all the ladies. The closest I've come to one was back... ah, it's a good story, might as well tell it to ya while the beer's on the way.
It was back a couple'a years ago, back when Midwest Express had been bought out by my company. It was pretty big news at the time 'cause of how much money they got paid for it. But for the folks who fly the planes it meant that we had all of these new crew members, new planes, and new destinations to learn. I guess it wasn't that bad. This particular time we were headed into Saginaw, Michigan, and both my co-pilot and flight engineer were new to me. We spent the first couple of minutes before boarding the plane getting to know each other. My co-pilot turned out to be a guy by the name of Kagrin - a real big, green dragon - and my flight engineer was a bouncy little 'roo called Jeeves. We got the obligatory butler jokes out of the way real quick and he wasn't a bad guy at all. Kind of cute, like your little brother, or the class clown in middle school. I still like to pal around with him now and then when our schedules line up.
Most of the flight was typical, no problems whatsoever. Well, the passengers were a bit loud n' rowdy, but I had thought it was probably spring break or something. They weren't troubling us so we let it go on. It wasn't until we were about five minutes from landing that anything interesting happened. The head flight attendant, an ebon-black dragoness, came in and I knew right away there was gonna be trouble. You could see it smoldering in her eyes. They were the color of a California sunset, and simply looking into them made my pants grow shorter, if you know what I mean. Kagrin asked her what was the matter, and she warbled before answering. Ahah... An interesting thing about dragonesses, they only ever make that warbling noise in very certain circumstances, and that's when they're in the mood for getting laid. I think Kagrin knew that instinctually, and certainly Jeeve's grin grew wide enough to break his jaw, but I didn't know that particular bit of trivia back then. But those eyes told me all I needed to know.
"You've been doing a good job of flying this bird, boys, and so the girls and I were wondering... you're all pretty skilled, aren't you?" She smiled and I felt a lump form in my throat.
Jeeves was as charming as he was energetic, and I noticed he actually slicked back his frizzy headfur before he replied. "I don't know about our pilot Rick here, but Kagrin and I are the best Midwest Express had to offer."
I defended myself accordingly. "Heh... who's the captain here? I'm better than both of you put together." This sort of talk is frowned upon by corporate 'cause competition in the cockpit can lead to crashes, but with that gorgeous dragoness there egging us on we didn't really think too much about what we were doing.
"Wanna bet on that, then? We don't think you'll be able to land as smoothly as you talk." The fire in her eyes blazed, and she actually smirked! Kagrin and I continued to be tongue-tied by her beauty but Jeeves, true to the flight engineers' reputations, flirted right back.
"Oh, it'll be a piece of cake! What are the terms of the bet, then?"
"The girls have left all four of the toilet seats up in the lavatories back there, and if you can land this plane without letting a single one drop... each of us will give you a blow job."
We had five flight attendants that day, and the prospect of getting five blow jobs apiece almost made the three of us burst our pants simultaneously. I'm amazed Jeeves was able to talk, 'cause I sure wasn't. My eyes... and my thoughts... were pretty much glued to the dragoness' rack. She was pretty stacked!
"It's a deal then. Prepare to eat your words!" The dragoness batted her eyelashes and muttered something about preferring the taste of something meatier but by then Jeeves, Kagrin and I had turned back to the matter at hand. Namely, winning our bet!
What can I tell you? It was the smoothest landing Saginaw has ever seen, and probably in the history of aviation! We greased that landing strip, we dusted that tarmac! I'm not entirely sure our wheels even touched the ground until we reached the hangar. So far so good, and we were almost home free, turning off to pull up to the hangar. There weren't any words exchanged - plenty of time for gloating once we each had a flight attendant between our legs - but we were all grinning almost as wide as Jeeves as we pulled up to the parking spot.
A word before I finish the story - now, the way most planes park is with the help of an attendant down on the tarmac. We could see him clearly, waving his little flashlights around and smiling at us. All clear! We'd move forward as he motioned, until he'd cross his arms in the shape of a big X, where we'd immediately power down, since that was the place where we had to park. It was all well and good, and he kept waving us forward, until a look crossed his face like he had just seen his mother disemboweled with a chainsaw, and he slapped his arms together in a frantic gesture to stop. It was too late, though.
We didn't learn until later that we had hit a truck crossing our path, and it was just as well for the idiot driver, because we weren't able to track him down, but in the cockpit we knew right away something horrible had happened. It was like a sea of locks all tumbling into place, or the sound of the Gestapo saluting Hitler en masse, a tremendous click, or perhaps a thud. Well, never mind the analogies, the three of us knew that it meant our doom.
It was the sound of four toilet seats thudding down into place at once.
(LET ME KNOW HOW YOU LIKE IT, AND FEEL FREE TO CRITIQUE. THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS!!!)