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Story by XP_Author on SoFurry

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#5 of Misc

Merry Christmas! I got you all a present: EXISTENTIAL DREAD! I know, I'm too kind.

Our story starts with a young squirrel in a dungeon... or is she a fox on a merchant ship being attacked by pirates? Wait, I thought she was a wolf fighter pilot? Or maybe...

This is a kind of look into myself, really. How I write, constantly come up with ideas, sometimes get them pretty fleshed out, only to decide that they kind of suck and abandon them. Sometimes I go back and finish them, or they morph into something else. Usually I don't and they get forgotten or deleted. This is what happens if the main characters... were sentient.


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By XP Author

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Jenny woke with a start, those three words fresh in the squirrel's mind. She had no idea why, but they filled her with a sense of dread. A fragment of a nightmare? It was no surprise she was having nightmares, just surprising that they were somehow more terrifying than the one she was living in right now. Her reddish fur was a mess, her long, brown hair not much better. She felt damp and dirty and gross. It was not like they let prisoners bathe regularly, so that was no surprise, but she was also very hungry. She had been given nothing but water for days. Water that tasted fowl and stagnant. Even that had been denied her the last few days.

She wondered if they were just going to let her waste away down here, forgotten. The crime that landed her down here was nothing more than being mildly attractive to someone more powerful than her. She had been a servant in the manor of the local lord, one Belad Delnor. His son, Baylek, had found her to be cute, or more cute enough to get his attention. The problem was, Baylek's attitude towards his servant girls was well known throughout the manor. He tended to be quite violent with his women, beating, biting, and clawing at them. There was even a rumor that the young fox had killed a girl in a lustful fervor.

When he had come to Jenny to proposition her, or more accurately, demand she go to his bedchambers and strip herself for his amusement, she foolishly said no. It was not an act of defiance on her part, at least in her mind, just fear for her wellbeing. Naturally, the young noble took it as the former and accused her of being a spy for some foreign nation. It did not matter that she had been born and raised to a family that served the Delnors for three generations now. She was arrested and chucked into the dungeon on the whim of a petulant man-child.

Baylek got what he wanted in the end, anyway. Chained up in the dungeons, he had come to visit her many times in the last several weeks. Each time, he left new bruises when he was done raping her. Her eye still hurt, though the swelling had started to go away finally. At first she had been happy that he seemed to grow bored of her and stopped coming to visit. Now she was not so sure it was a good thing. She did not even know just how long she had been down here. Weeks for sure, but how many?

She jumped when the door into the dungeon opened with the loud creaking of iron hinges. She looked up, expecting to see either the young noble coming to visit her again, or the sad canine that guarded her coming to bring her water or maybe food. She was not stupid enough to think it would be someone to take her away from this place forever. She saw the man walk in, not recognizing him, but recognizing the uniform of the city guard. Then another followed. Then another. All canines. The last she recognized as the sad guard that always looked at her with pity. He looked even more sad than normal.

The first man walked towards her, the other two following behind closely. She figured he was some higher ranking guard. When the trio was closer, she saw that the trio were all armed with swords at their sides. They normally did not carry weapons when they came to check on her. Her fear started to rise again. The leader pointed at her. "Unchain her." The other two nodded and moved to remove her shackles. For a fleeting moment, she dared to hope that she really was being rescued. "Stand and follow. No sudden moves, traitor, or I will cut you down here." That tiny hope was shattered by the cold words.

She stood, with some help by the sad guard. "I'm sorry." He whispered to her. He sounded as defeated as she felt.

"No talking to the prisoner!" The lead guard scolded, making the man flinch. "Now follow me." He strode back out of the dungeon. She was gently nudged forward, forced to follow whether she wanted to or not. She wanted to ask just where she was being taken, but could not find her voice. Her large tail hung low behind her as she walked, practically dragging on the ground. The trip through the stone halls was short, and soon the blinding light of the sun struck her face as she was led outside. It was warm, with a mild breeze blowing, and very few clouds. It should have been a beautiful day to her, the first time she had been outside in gods know how long.

Any happiness she may have felt was overshadowed by fear and embarrassment. A crowd had gathered outside, all of them shouting insults and jeers at her. To make matters worse, her clothing was little more than a rags, further torn from the noble's 'attention' during his visits. It hung loose on her already thin frame, and with the holes torn in it, little was left to the imagination. The shouting of the crowd was overwhelming and terrifying. It all blended together in her ears, like the roar of a great beast, writhing around her in anger she did not understand.

Then she saw it. Her destination. The Gallows. Her breath caught in her throat. "N-no! I didn't do anything!" She tried to back away, to turn and flee somehow.

A blade pointed at her threateningly, held by the sad man. "I'm sorry, but you have to keep moving." She looked at him, pleading silently. "Please... don't make this any harder than it is."

Another sword pointed at her, held by the other guardsman. He looked much less sad to be here, a wicked smile on his lips. "Go on, lass. You die today either way. Give me an excuse to do it myself." She backed away from the two, only to cry out as a strong arm slid around her middle and hoisted her off her feet. She was thrown over the shoulder of a man and bodily carried onward to her final destination. The grinning guard sighed. "C'mon, captain... you always have all the fun."

The captain grunted. "We're not here for fun, Reggie. Do your damn job." He then growled at Jenny. "And you. Stop struggling or I'll let him." Despite the threatening words, his voice grew slightly softer. "Trust me. This is less painful for you." She did stop struggling, as it was futile either way. She went limp as he carried her, utterly defeated. She felt tears running from her eyes. She did nothing to deserve this.

It was not long before she was deposited back on her feet, now on the raised wooden platform. A coarse rope was brought over her head, then tightened at the back of her neck. She trembled, shaking like a leaf in high wind. Some official in a robe was listing off some kind of charges or something, saying some kind of last rites. She did not hear him. She only heard the roar of the crowd-beast around her, the thundering pulse of her heart, the quickness of her breath. Then the creek of wood hinges.

She fell only a foot, then the pain struck her neck. The noose tightened hard around her throat. The drop was not far enough to snap her neck, yet it still felt as if her head would be pulled away from her body at any moment. She kicked about as she dangled there, mouth open in a silent scream of pain and terror, eyes wide but registering nothing. The sound of the crowd-beast roaring was drowned by her heartbeat, so loud she thought her heart may leap from her chest. Her lungs burned with the need for air, filling with fire instead.

Something was terribly wrong, her mind fogging over with a dreadful feeling. Her body was hot and cold, but something was wrong. She felt like something was not working. Nothing made sense to her in the moment, time seeming to slow to a halt. Her vision was not darkening, but filled with empty white. Something was very wrong. How was this not working? What did that mean?

The world ended with three words.

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Tabby woke with a start. The fox rubbed her head... wait wasn't she a squirrel? No, she was a fox. Why did she think she was otherwise? She shook her head, trying to throw off the fog of whatever ale-induced nightmare had clutched her. Something was happening on deck. Shouting? Her door suddenly burst open. "Tab! You gotta come quick!" The man in the doorway was one of the deck hands, a dog with a kind face. He looked terrified now, and not for having barged into the first mate's personal bed chambers. "We're being attacked by pi-UGH!" His words were ended in a gurgled grunt as a the tip of a blade pierced through his chest. He gave her a look of utter terror, then his eyes rolled back.

The dead man's body hit the ground in a thump as the blade was pulled out. Stepping over him was another man, a rat this time, in far shabbier clothing. "Well well, lookie wha' we gots 'ere!"

Tabby sighed as she pushed herself out of the bed and got to her feet. "This is not what I needed this morning." She was still feeling the effects of the hangover from the night of drinking with the crew below decks. The rat at the door seemed to distracted by her lack of clothing to notice her leaning against the cabin wall where her sword was. She was not naked, but she did sleep in little more than her underwear, leaving her slender legs and toned belly exposed to view.

Before the rat at her door could react, she grabbed the straight blade off of her wall and lunged at him, cutting him open from hip to shoulder. He gurgled out some curse at her as he dropped to the deck to finish dying. "Bloody bad luck for both of us, I guess." She grabbed her officer's coat and hastily threw it on, only bothering to button the top just below her neck. It was a heavy thing in dark blue, and hung down to her highs. Though with only the top open, it left quite a bit of mobility for her. Not bothering with pants, she hopped over the pair of dead bodies and made her way to the stairs leading to the main deck.

The moment she burst forth onto the deck, she had to duck a blade swung at her. She raised her own sword, but halted her swing as she saw it was one of her own men. The deer before her was barely more than a kid, and looked terrified. "S-sorry, Tab! I-I thought you were..."

She waved him off. "It's fine. Good instincts, though." She readied her sword again as she saw several raggedy pirates charging her way. "Keep your guard up." She easily parried the first blow, stepping to the side and letting the pirate stumble past her. A quick slash cut his back open and sent him tumbling down the stairs behind her, screaming in agony the whole way. Her sword came up to block another blow, deflecting it away.

The pirate facing her, a gray wolf, managed to leap back just in time to avoid getting himself cut in return. A wild grin spread on his lips as he brought his sword to bare again. "Well, now. Aren't you a pretty lady? Shame to cut ye down with the rest o' yer crew." He tapped the edge of his sword against hers, taunting her as they stared each other down. "How's about ye drop the blade and we go below deck so I can show ye a more pleasing bit o' fun?"

Tabby just scowled at him. "No thanks, little man. I doubt you're swinging enough to satisfy the little rats infesting your ship." The wolf laughed at her verbal jab, then tried a physical one at her. She stepped to the side and grabbed his wrist. With a twist and a turn, she hurled the wolf to the side. He cried out in surprise as his footing slipped under him, sending him crashing into another pirate beside him. Both stumbled back, only to go tumbling over the rail and into the sea with a splash. She then looked for the deer that had been standing nearby a moment before. She sighed as she saw the look of fear and pain frozen on his dead face, the stab to his heart still oozing blood.

The fox joined turned, steeling herself. She could mourn the loss of crew later when this was all over. She charged into the fray on the deck. Bodies littered around, both the crew and the pirates, blood and sea water mixing to make everything slick and slippery. She cut down a half dozen more of the invaders as she made her way through the fight. She was trying to get to the wheelhouse, where the captain likely was. He was a salty old sailor and could likely hold his own, but the old coyote was also getting on in years.

As she got closer, her worst fears were confirmed. One of the pirates stepped out, a tiger, though dressed better than most of the rest, likely the captain. He held his hand up high, hoisting for all to see the severed head of the captain, the coyote's face contorted in pain while somehow also slack. Her heart sank. He had practically raised her since she was a kit, bucking tradition by not only allowing a woman on his ship, but eventually making her his first officer. Anger gripped her next, and she stormed forward towards the stairs up to the deck where the tiger stood proclaiming his victory.

She never got there. Pain lanced through her, from back to chest, halting her movement entirely. She looked down to see the tip of a sword poking through her chest, her blood dripping off of the blade. It sliced through the bit of cloth that had bound her chest. Her body was suddenly weak and trembling, her anger replaced by a strange coldness. When the blade was ripped free, her legs gave out entirely, sending her crashing to the deck. She tasted blood, and found she could no longer breath properly.

Another rat stepped close by, holding the bloody sword that had struck her. "Aww, I think I broke the poor girl." He gave her a wicked, sadistic grin. "Ah, that's okay. I prefer 'em cold anyway!" She opened her mouth to try and speak, to beg, scream, scold, taunt, anything. She could only manage a wet wheeze. "Whassa matter? It hurt? I'll help end it!" He raised his sword up. She saw it come down, felt the bite into her neck. The coldness spread through her whole body, numb to anything. She thought she should feel more pain, or shame at failing.

Something else gripped her rapidly fading mind. Dread that this was wrong. That it would never work. She knew that feeling. She feared it more than death, more than the darkness rapidly closing around her. She feared what she knew was coming. She feared those three words as they appeared to her mind again, amid a blinding, all encompassing white void.

Once more, the world ended with those three words.

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"Lieutenant, you've got one on your tail!" She took a deep breath, as if she had been holding it in. She looked around, confused, not recognizing where she was. "Alissa! Wake up and evade before he's got a lock!" Who was Alissa? She was... wasn't she? The wolf... was she a wolf? She thought she was...

Her reality slammed into her as she everything around her started screaming. Electronic warnings blaring, red lights flashing in front of her. She was in the cockpit of her fighter. An enemy was on her tail, trying to get a lock on her. On instinct she shoved the joystick forward, diving down and breaking the momentary weapon lock. All around her was the black of space, filled with screaming metal birds and blinding streaks of death. The dogfight raged between two larger capital ships pounding away at each other with heavy weaponry. One looked like someone had coated a loaf of bread in metal and slapped a trio of engines on the back. The other looked like a giant spear tip.

The warnings started again. The fighter behind her had a lock again. "Lieutenant!" She tried to break the lock again, but could not this time. Her world erupted into fire as her ship was struck, everything bursting into flames around her. She was lost in a fireball that died as quickly as she did, amid the scream of her wingmate... but no, that would be stupid. That was too fast, no one would want the end like that. No, that's not what happened.

"Lieutenant, you've got one on your tail!" She was back here again, the moment that she already lived. She pulled up this time, banking to try and loop behind the fighter. She would get a target lock this time. She was just getting behind the craft when "Alissa, look ou-" the radio cut off as something slammed into the side of her ship. She was suddenly in a wild spin, bits breaking off of her ship around her. Something had struck her. No, this would not work, either. It was all wrong. Stranded in space? That was dumb.

"Lieutenant, you've got one on your tail!" She jerked the stick hard to the right and was struck by G-forces. She was not in space this time. Her harrier banked hard, the mig on her tail trying its best to keep up with her. She pulled an old trick and hit a button to open the flaps and suddenly stall in the air from rapid deceleration. It felt like she hit a brick wall, but the trick worked as the mig dashed past her. Right into her sights. She pulled the trigger, a pair of missiles streaking out away from her to chase their target.

Everything froze. The whole world, as if time stopped working. Something was just wrong with all this. It just did not work, either. She could not just stall out in the air like that. That was a stupid trick from the movies. The mig would just slam into the back of her, or she would drop like a rock. No, this would not work either. The creeping sense of foreboding came to her again. "No..." She spoke, but not to anyone she knew. "No, not again. Please!"

"Alissa, who are you talking to?" Her wingman sounded confused and concerned. They would not work, either. They did not even have a name or a gender or species. No, this just is not working.

"Please, no, not again!" She felt it, the white void taking over again. It happened again, like it happened before, more times than she could even remember.

The world ended with three words.

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She was in a white void. The same white void that had eclipsed every world, every reality, every life she had lived. All erased, fragmented memory. She had no form anymore, no name. She was nothing but a line in the white. Blinking. Taunting... who? This was all wrong. It would never work.

She looked around. She did not know how, but she looked around this void of white. This... blank page that was to be a new reality. "Please! Don't erase me again!" She did not know who she was talking to. She was not sure there was even anyone to talk to in the first place. "I don't want to stop existing!" It was worse than dying. She had died a lot, she realized. Her form and name changed, the method was different, but it was her. She was to die, over and over, but each time the world was erased. It never happened. It never existed. She never existed.

New words came. File>"No! Please! I... I don't want to stop existing! Please!" She pleaded with whoever, what ever was out there doing this to her. "I'll... I'll die for you, over and over. You can keep killing me. Keep using my body! You can fuck me, rape me, whatever else you've done to me before. Just please, don't erase me!" The next word came. It was not one of dread, but pure panic. Exit>

The words followed. 'Do you wish to save first?' "Yes! Please! Yes!"

The world ended with only a single word.

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