Haunt Chapter 3: The Posh Hat
#3 of Haunt
Haunt Chapter 3: The Posh Hat
Feeling much relaxed, Reginald left his little boarding house in the tower. It was quite a ways down the steps, as always, so by the time the stairs reached their dizzying conclusion he was very ready to relax with Thad and a bowl of oatmeal in the gardens.
However there would be no relaxation to be had. Though he was a whole corridor away from the kitchens, he could already hear Thad yelling at the kitchen staff.
"Why isn't he already in the gardens?" Reg wondered.
As he turned the corner, the point of the argument became obvious.
"What do you mean we don't get any food? On whose authority are we being starved in our little hovel in the sky!?" Thad barked.
"It's the king's orders," answered the meek looking otter cook.
Thad made an about face and walked right past Reginald. The wolf had that same fierce look in his eyes that he had seen the other day.
{What's going on? I don't get it?}
"Shut. Up. Karen," threatened Thad.
Reginald followed close behind as Thad made his way through the castle. He thought he was heading to the royal hall, but they ended up in familiar territory. Thad stormed into the general's office with fire in his gut. He was beyond yelling; he whispered in a serpentine hiss Reg never wanted to hear again.
"You are the cesspit of the world. You need to crawl back into your little hole, old man. You've ruined too much and I won't let you get away with this."
The wolf kept on a small glint of a smile seemingly begging for Thad to attack him. Reginald could tell that just such a thing was exactly what he wanted.
"Oh come now Thad. You and this fine young yokel are no longer useful to this country. You've proven that to me. I figured our food reserves would be better squandered on someone else. It wasn't my call anyway. Why don't you bring it up with the king?"
Thad flashed his teeth as he said, "I'm afraid that's an impossibility, isn't it?"
"Is it now?" asked the grizzled general.
"We'll stay, Reg and I, and we will wait you out."
Reginald stayed in the doorway as he looked back and forth between the wolves. He was afraid for Thad. The general was a powerful man, regardless of what the king thought, and to get involved in a dispute would be bad for them. But, his hands were tied. He certainly wasn't about to step into the middle of the argument.
Thad turned to leave, so Reginald followed. He was completely unaware that he had just witnessed one of the most important conversations in history.
Reginald made regular sojourns out of the castle to purchase food over the next few days. They had both been paid meager wages since they were living in the castle. Of course, their lifeline of money had been cut, so he could only spend their savings. One would think that they would be kicked out, but things were becoming a little disorganized around the castle. Besides, no one would really want to make the trip to the top of the tower to evict them.
He would have preferred to spend time with Thad, but he was always sleeping or studying old texts. It seemed to Reg that he had lost the fighting spirit he had seen when he was arguing with the general. Thad just didn't have it in him anymore.
The fox was panting as he made his way up the last few steps to his room. The wolf was studying away as usual, reading from the "Thissidia Corinthis". It was the religious text that he followed, so Reginald just left him to it. He would read it later when he had the chance.
He dropped their food on the table in the middle of the room. He knew that like staving wild animals, they would feast from the little knapsack for the next few days, letting nothing go to waste.
Reginald broke off some bread and sat back down at his desk with the diamond lens. He didn't have much direction in his life anymore. At least at the farm he wasn't completely useless.
Just like when he always feels down, he turned to his books once again and picked up his edition of "Tribes and Traditions of the Eastern Wasteland" He thought that perhaps there would be something at least marginally interesting. There were a few drawings that he always liked looking at and they would seem new again when seen with the hues coming though the stained glass windows.
Reginald journeyed through the diamond mines, a small village, and then finally to the king's estate and the royal chambers. He was always impressed that the king of the Eastern Wastes had a diamond encrusted room. Diamond dust was painted onto the walls which the illustrator tried to mimic with many points from his pen. The author described it as a "shimmering visage more beautiful than the night sky."
Even the royal insignia on the ceiling was painted with the precious powder, only this time with yellow diamonds to make it stand out. The author said that in a forgotten, ideographic writing system, the collection of regal symbols meant "war and love, kings from dust". Reginald turned the book in his tired paws to see it better, but he nearly jumped out of the seat when he saw a familiar motif. It was what Thad bore on his back. Apparently, Karen saw this as a sign to share an entertaining anecdote about herself.
{Did you know, that once, I donated one of my smaller houses to the people. I gave it up to orphans. Wasn't that wonderful of me?}
Reginald turned wide-eyed to Thad. Though he knew it wasn't likely, he was worried that Thad knew that he had discovered his secret and he would never see him again. Thad just glared back at him.
"Reginald, it's time we find a home for Karen," he grumbled.
Though his voice was strained from shock and the possibility that he might be living with a king, Reginald managed to squeak out, "I agree."
Thad turned his chair to speak directly at Reginald. The confrontational stance made the fox even more nervous.
"We need something frilly and colorful to mach Karen's obnoxious personality" he started, "Oh. I know! How about the hat?"
"What hat?" asked Reginald.
"You know, the hat I used to cover myself up the other day. I was stretching, and you saw me..."
"OH YEAH!" yelled Reginald a little louder than he should have. He wanted to cut off any mention of either Thad in the nude or his royal tattoo.
"Why don't you go get it Reginald? I think it will fit with Karen rather well. Go ahead and haunt it, and I'll see what we have once I finish this passage," offered Thad.
Reginald nodded and went up the ladder to their bedrooms. He saw the purple and flowery hat cast off on the floor as if it was a freshly plucked weed. As Reginald picked it up and held it to his chest, he almost treasured it because it had been so close to Thad.
He made his way down the ladder and to his desk. Karen didn't even get in another word before he had haunted her to the hat. It was a great relief for Reginald. He had liked Frank, so it was almost like saying goodbye to a friend, but he really wanted to get Karen out of his life. Had she been corporal, he would have gleefully stuffed her in himself.
Speaking in a strictly spiritual sense of course, it was a far cry from the frog's egg type of haunt that Reginald had done before on his father's false eye. Since the hat didn't have much material to it, and no real center, Karen coated it with her viscous and dripping ooze of a personality.
The fox blinked a few times just to make sure of what he was seeing. His desk looked a lot better than he ever remembered it. He picked up the hat to ask Thad what had happened, when his desk went back to being drab. It wasn't a physical change, but it definitely felt shabby without the hat sitting on it.
Curious as to what the effect was, Reginald put it on his own head and instantly felt more confident. He knew he was the most handsome fox he had ever seen. There was no doubt about that. And what good is beauty if one doesn't show it off?
"How do I look?" he asked in a voice which sounded far more upscale than his usual twang.
Thad turned his head from his book and his jaw instantly dropped as his eyes expanded in delight. He regained composure almost immediately and stood up to straighten out his clothes.
He didn't look Reginald in the eyes as he stammered, "Very good. I would say that you look very good. I mean, you look good normally and that's the opinion of many people I'm sure. Not just me. Y-You really look great."
"I feel great, let me tell ya," purred Reginald, "Come here Thad so you can get a closer look."
In the back of his mind, Reg was only faintly aware of the fact that he was acting out a potentially life destroying fantasy. He didn't care though. His relationship with Thad was going to crash into the rocks with Karen at the helm. The hat was making him do exactly what he wanted.
Thad stood good five feet away, as if he was trying to avoid inhaling a sensual miasma emanating from the hat. He was stock still, paralyzed with the new and odd sensations that he was mentally grappling with, much like some kind of horrified statue.
Before Reginald had time to react, his lips moved, his lungs let out some air, and his vocal cords contracted. He uttered the worst possible thing he could think of if he were in his right state of mind. His heart practically beat out of his chest and his face was filled with warmth as he said:
"Kiss me Thad. Please."
Despite his reluctant start, Thad rushed up to Reginald and immediately wrapped his grey arms around him. His arms weren't enough though, so he got himself closer. It wasn't like an embrace you would give a friend or relative, it became a full-body hug.
Reginald's tail wagged with joy when the wolf let out a low, rumbling growl from his chest. He could finally feel Thad's solid frame up close, just as he had pictured. A hot, panting breath on his throat made him shiver with excitement. The still semiconscious Reginald in the back of his mind was throwing a fit trying to stop the inevitable, but the hat told him that everything was what he wanted.
Just as he anticipated Thad's fangs to begin massaging at his throat before a deep and loving kiss, there was a sudden burst of movement from Thad as he whipped off the hat with the little willpower he had been able to muster. Reginald suddenly felt very cold, very hick, and very embarrassed.
Thad gulped once before he backed up to a more casual distance. He raised the black pads of his paws up defensively as if Reginald was still laying voodoo on him.
"Holy! Wuh... wuh," Thad stammered, "Oh! OH WOW! OH MY... WOW!"
Reginald couldn't look at him. He turned his gaze to the offending headwear as he said, "I'm so sorry, Thad. I didn't mean to do that. That hat is... intoxicating."
Thad still looked as if he was warding off hexes when Reginald looked back at him.
"Are you... do you..." started the wolf.
"What?" quietly asked Reg, though he was afraid of the question.
Thad finally stopped waving his arms around and took on a more serious stance. He gestured with his claws to Reginald's chest and asked, "Was that something you wanted to do, Reg? Was that your idea?"
Reg was flush with embarrassment as he muttered, "yes."
Thad gulped again and took a deep breath.
"Okay," he finally said, "obliviously something just transpired here that we need to think about for a while. Alone."
Reginald nodded slightly. Thad seemed more than a little flustered and he needed some time to himself.
"I'm going to go over there," he said as he pointed to his desk, "and I'm going to read my little holy book. You go find something else to do. Somewhere else. We'll meet back here in an hour and talk about our new..."
Thad fumbled for a little while. He gestured with his paws as he went through some possible candidates before finally blurting, "sex hat."
"Oh. Okay," said Reginald, "I'll be in the gardens, I suppose. Bye."
There was a wave of relief as soon as Reginald closed the door. He knew he would be back to the hard questions and quizzical stare of Thad soon enough. The usual five minute trip down the stairs was over in only three and a half. He couldn't get out of the tower fast enough.
Once in the quiet and dark gardens, so many memories, both recent and old, came flooding back to him. There was Thad the first time they met with his thuggish demeanor, but pleasant voice. There he was again, taking a stretch in the sun, only Reginald never made a peep and he could look on at the secret tattoo for as long as he wanted. Then there was that rumble close to his chest as Thad's muzzle almost met his.
Some of the otter guards beckoned over to him. There was about three of them standing next to one of the walls which featured a small gate leading off the castle grounds. Reginald made his way to the little group, eager to talk to someone else to get his mind off things.
The guard that waved him over asked, "Hey! You're one of those haunters here, right?"
The fox shrugged and said, "For what it's worth."
"Can you help me out?" the otter asked. Since he was closer, Reginald could see that he was missing a few teeth, but he still had a stately appearance. The otter produced a small bauble wrapped in a cloth. He held it to Reginald's face and asked, "Is this haunted?"
Before Reginald could answer, the otter roughly grabbed the back of his head. Whatever was wrapped in the cloth was crushed against his nose filling it with a fetid and sharp scent. Reg tried to fight back, but the other guards were upon him in an instant, forcing him to inhale.
Reg's body weakly quivered and he could only moan as a blackness washed over him. He would have cried if he had the chance. He was afraid of dying, but more than that, he was afraid of never seeing Thad again. As he was being smothered, he could just barely hear one of the otters warn, "Not so much. He'll be out for a week if you do it like that."
"I know what I'm doing," one of them quietly snapped.
His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his head lazily rolled as he lost control. The last sensation he had was of being held by the other two guards and lowered to the ground. Reginald felt a relaxing, but frightening numbness before passing out completely.