Love's Battlefield - Volume 12
Love's Battlefield: Volume Twelve - Courageous Cowards
By Joseph Raszagal
In a harried scramble, Thomas and Adam both bolted up from the bed simultaneously and assembled their discarded garments in a flash. Piece by cotton piece, they quickly clothed themselves, so fast in fact that it almost seemed as though a bomb might go off somewhere in the room lest they be dressed in time to find it and deactivate it. After successfully donning enough clothing to deem themselves presentable by society's standards they nodded in unison and approached the bedroom door.
Then they hesitated, ears down and fur bristled. Never before had a single piece of wood ever seemed so daunting. Stopping just five or six feet shy of it, they traded uncertain glances and pondered what kind of cat would be let out of what kind of bag the moment the oaken barrier was opened.
On the other side of that door stood two young men whom Thomas had wronged terribly. Given that it wasn't a Wednesday and that the duo had actively sought out the Lucario's current location on their own and of their own volition, they were either there to beg for their freedom again or, more likely, to demand it.
'Let us go or suffer the consequences!'
The idea of being delivered such an ultimatum, especially now that Thomas had finally begun to make some progress in assisting with the upkeep of Adam's wanning health, sent a nasty shiver down his spine. However, with that said, how many others had been forced to suffer from the exact same spine-chilling shivers as a result of the lazuli lupine's demands? Dozens? Hundreds?
"Christ, way too many." He murmured, his tone a self-deprecating one as he contemplated that unspeakably large number.
'And a few years ago the roles were reversed.' Spoke the little voice in his head. 'You were the victim and HE was the aggressor. How does it feel to be just like HIM, Thomas, to be perpetuating HIS twisted mentality?'
"Say what?" Questioned Adam, snapping the dog back to reality as he turned to face him.
Shaking his head, Thomas sighs, "Nothing, I'm just... kind of nervous."
"Well, I suppose I can understand why. In their minds, you probably deserve to be burned at the stake."
"Gee, ya think?"
"Yeah, probably. But be that as it may, don't think for a second that I'd let them. I'd be all over the place like a fucking swarm of bees before they ever even got their torches lit."
"Really?"
Smiling softly, the chocolate bat leans forward and kisses Thomas on the cheek, then quietly assures him, "Blue, you mean the world to me. You could deserve the death penalty and I'd still stand ready to defend you. Never forget that."
Affectionately nuzzling Adam in return, Thomas takes a deep breath and whispers, "Give me strength," before taking a step away and steeling himself enough for the pair to continue their course towards the door.
Raising an eyebrow in an expression of "Are you ready?", Adam placed a paw on the cobalt canine's shoulder for reassurance. Thomas nodded affirmatively, but immediately shuddered and sucked in a nervous breath as soon as the bat reached for the doorknob. The nocturnal teen's paw hovered just above it for a second or two before turning it and allowing the door to creak open with all of the ambiance of a haunted house's loose floorboard.
There they stood, Danni and Forrest, as real as real could be.
Without exchanging even a single word, Adam nodded his head courteously and stepped aside, ushering his guests in with body language alone. They both replied with nods of their own and silently strode in, Danni closing the door behind him out of a combination of habit, courtesy, and what he felt might soon become necessity. After all, the conversation that was soon to ensue was sure to be one that would demand a considerable amount of privacy. As the door's locking mechanism clicked closed, all four furs made an effort to hide the twitching in their tails and ears. To them the relatively quiet sound was more akin to that of a booming cannon's report.
And with entrances and overly-dramatic door-shuttings out of the way, that's when the celestial deity looking down on them decided to press the mute button on his universal remote control, because sound in general simply came to a complete and utter stop. Nothing.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Adam stepped forward, determined to break the beyond awkward silence. Almost as though he were unaware of the reasoning behind their arrival, he licks his suddenly parched lips and asks, "So, um, is there something that WE can do for you?"
The chocolate bat made sure to apply a hefty amount of additional emphasis to the "we" in his opening sentence.
Quite the ice-breaker.
"Our business isn't with you, Quinton." Forrest stated, perhaps a bit too icily as he stepped forward and narrowed his eyes into a formidable glare. It was only around this time that Adam took notice of the wolf's two clenched fists and the barely visible stains that were steadily spreading from his snowy palms and down to his curled digits.
The stains were rose red.
Was the wolf really so furious that in order to restrain himself he had to pierce his flesh and draw blood using his own mostly-blunt, canine nails?
Disturbed by this jarring sight but determined not to leave Thomas's side, the winged teen withstands Forrest's intentional AND unintentional attempts to intimidate him and counters, "You come over to MY house, unannounced, and demand to see MY boyfriend, then tell me that it's none of MY business? If this isn't my business, then I don't know what is."
Flinching at the bat's startling assertion of dominance, but only for a moment, Forrest shook it off just as quick and growled, showing his ivory teeth. However, before anything could come of his feral challenge, Thomas and Danni placed themselves between the other two and spread their arms.
"This isn't what we came here to do, Forrest." Spoke the fox for the first time since he'd entered the room. "You promised me that the first thing we would try to do is talk things out."
During the short silence that followed, Thomas adds, "He's right, Bats, let's talk. There's no need to start something violent."
Forrest's eyes shot to the Lucario in an instant.
"The only reason I haven't already socked your jaw to the moon and back is because he's defending you." Snarled the wolf. The words were about as harsh as they could possibly be but Thomas's reaction and assumed stance were that of resigned understanding rather than retaliation or fear.
"If beating me would make you feel bet~
But the Lucario's words trailed off into nothingness as a russet paw slapped him across the muzzle. The strike had been a gentle one, perhaps even light enough to have been considered a mistake if the fox had stumbled forward while delivering it, but the simple fact that Danni had been the aggressor still shocked everyone present.
"That's the first AND last blow that anyone in this room is going to deliver!" Declared the autumn vulpine, anger resonating like a tolling bell in each word. "Forrest, you promised me that you would remain calm and listen to what they had to say; I'm holding you to that already partially broken promise and I expect you to mend it!"
Every pair of eyes, with the exception of Danni's, widened further. While Adam wasn't very well acquainted with the young fox, he had seen him around their school enough to tell by both his scent and body language that he wasn't a very aggressive person. In fact, a whole list of synonyms to the word "timid" came to mind instead. Thomas, perhaps the most flabbergasted of the three, stood there with his muzzle agape. Hadn't he just forced this very same fox against a shower room wall less than a week ago? Shaking off the surprise, the cerulean canine tapped him on the shoulder and cocked his head to one side as he turned around to face him.
Suddenly very impressed, Thomas places a paw on his hip as he swishes his tail from side to side and pries, "Where on Earth did that come from?"
"Exactly where it needed to." Answered Danni immediately. "I'm just sorry that I couldn't muster it up before. Had I more courage back then it's possible that we could have avoided all of this." Shaking his head, he turned to his white wolf and said, "All I've been doing this entire time is cowering in the face of adversity. Every time something frightening rears its ugly head I quake at the knees, raise the white flag, and hide behind you." Swiveling back to face Thomas, the petite fox thrust out his chest, however strong a gesture he thought it might be, and concluded, "But I'm done with it, I'm done seeking shelter in the safety of your shadow, Forrest; I'm done abandoning you and retreating once the battle starts. If I really want to be your mate, your lover, then I have to stand beside you through thick and thin. I haven't been a very good boyfriend, I know, but that was the old me and THIS is the new me."
"The new you doesn't even stutter." Stated Thomas, still impressed.
With a glare from Forrest that practically screamed 'I'll murder you and then I'll murder your corpse' the cobalt canine decided that it was best to err on the side of caution and shut the Hell up.
With a smirk, the orange fox shrugs off the comment and retorts, "It's kind of hard for others to take you seriously when it takes you more than ten seconds to say less than five words." Waving one paw, he chuckles and continues, "But that's besides the point. You know why we're here. While we're not going to do anything violent, we are going to make one demand and I think you know what it is."
"I do." Stated Thomas with a slow nod.
Smiling, Danni presses further, "And your reply to our demand?"
Lowering himself down to one knee, the Lucario bows his head and quietly replies, "You're free to go, the both of you. I won't bother either of you ever again. Further more, if you'd like monetary compensat~
"That won't be necessary." Interjected the arctic wolf gruffly, startling Thomas whom had nearly forgotten that he was even there. "You're dirty and your money's dirty. I'd much prefer having nothing to do with either."
Raising a paw to contest his boyfriend's rudeness, Danni cut the gesture short and decided that the words would be a waste, instead opting for a simple, disapproving shake of his head. With a frown, Forrest closed his muzzle and kept the next few statements that he'd thought up to himself. Clearly, the lycanthrope was upset at his mate for standing between everyone as a neutral force and preventing him from being able to assert himself, but at the same time Forrest made sure to put his rational foot forward. Calmly, he reminded himself, 'This is for the best, we'll be out of here before we know it. I know that violence isn't the answer, but that doesn't stop me from WISHING that it could be, if only just this once. At least this will all be over soon enough. Once we're out of here and far, far away from that bastard, I won't have to worry about disappointing Danni by being the savage that I wish I could be right now.'
As Forrest struggled to weigh these two options against each other, his desire to beat the living daylights out of Thomas and his desire to make his boyfriend proud, the small tod's posture changed. Slowly but surely, the brash boldness that Danni had exhibited moments before drained away.
"Alright, now that that's out of the way..." Began the autumn fox as he abruptly slumped down to the floor and started shivering. "...I m-might have l-lied a little about the whole c-courage thing. I k-kind of practiced that speech in m-my head a couple of times on th-the way here."
In an instant, Forrest was at his side, his arms wrapped tightly around the small fox and pulling him into a tender embrace.
"I-I'm sorry I l-lied, Forrest, I w-wish I could be that courageous b-but that was the best that I~
Pressing a padded finger to the red vulpine's lips, the wolf softly shushes, "Nonsense, you were very brave."
"R-really?"
"Really. It doesn't matter that you were afraid, you still stood between everyone and prevented us from doing something foolish. Scared or not, stutter or not, that's what courage really is."
"I-I'm just so tired of f-forcing you to stand up for me while I t-take shelter behind you. I-I shouldn't make you fight for m-me, I should be f-fighting along side you."
"And now you are. If anything, I should apologize. I know what you want to do here and I have no right to try and take this sensitive situation and forcefully spiral it even further downward just because I want to leave. I'm uncomfortable here, I'm uncomfortable around HIM, but I'll try to be more reasonable, alright?"
"Y-you promise?"
"Of course."
"A-alright." Stammered the fox as he was assisted up from the floor and steadied by a group of concerned paws, Adam's included. Thomas took a step forward to help out as well, but quickly took that step back as Forrest shot a warning glance in his direction. "I-if it isn't too much trouble, w-we're not quite done here y-yet. Th-there's more."
Turning towards Forrest, the vampiric host held out his paw as a sign of peace. The wolf in return gripped it with his own and shook.
"It's no trouble at all." Answered Adam with a smile. "I'm sure that we have much to discuss."
Guiding everyone over to his ragged, patched-up bed, the brown bat sat down and motioned for the rest of the group to do the same. They did. And then everyone sat around for about a minute and a half of awkward head-scratching, waiting for SOMETHING to launch them all into the next conversation. Fortunately, by this point Danni had regained much of his composure, what with what he'd foreseen to be the most difficult part of the evening for both himself and his partner already out of the way. Clearing his throat with a standard "I'm about to start talking" cough, the diminutive fox proceeded to pave the way for the others.
"I don't really know how to say any of this, so I apologize if it all comes out kind of clumsily." Began the young vulpine, his expression fairly neutral but still clearly strained. "Basically, Forrest and I have come this far and you could say we've already won; you've promised not to hold the information that you stumbled upon against us in any way and have thereby granted us our freedom. That's all we've wanted from the beginning. However, things changed over the past couple of days. I can't say that I expected this, especially given what my first impression of you was like, Thomas."
Turning away, the Lucario shakes his head and whispers, "A... monster."
"Something to that extent, yes." Continued Danni, nodding his head. "Over the past few days I've heard a number of horror stories about you and the things you've done. P-pretty t-terrible, one and all." Closing his eyes and shutting out all of the disturbing mental images that attempted to surge to his attention, the red fox unwaveringly maintained his course, "But just recently we heard a story from a friend of yours that contradicted that first impression. The reason I'm sitting here right now instead of enjoying the freedom that we've just earned is because I want to know whether or not he was lying through his teeth or telling the truth. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt."
Still visibly angry, but effectively in control of his emotions, Forrest chimes in, "And I think we can all agree that that's more than you deserve right now."
"Forrest, please..."
"I'm not going to do anything rash, Danni, I gave you my word. I just want him to know how I feel, how I'll likely ALWAYS feel. Alright?"
"Alright."
"Thank you and... and... I'm sorry."
Holding up one paw, much like a student waiting for their turn to ask a question, Thomas meekly inquires, "M-may I?"
Forrest's glare was cut short by Danni's nod.
"You said that you heard... something... from a friend of mine? Who?" Questioned the navy dog, legitimate confusion showing in his eyes.
Stonily, Forrest responds, "A hyena."
"A hyena?" Echoed Thomas just before the obvious dawned upon him. "Wait... Andy?"
"That's right, he told us where to find you." Confirmed Danni. "He also told us what you'd be doing here."
To which Thomas flattened his ears and blushed deeply.
Sputtering, the petite fox amends his statement, "W-well, not that, specifically, even though we kind of figured that much anyway." With a strategic pause, Danni separates the subject that he'd originally intended and the conclusion that Thomas had drawn, then queries, "So, is it true, were you really doing all of this to make money for him, to pay his hospital bills?"
"Wait, wait, hold the phone." Spat Adam, cutting in. "Who told you that?"
On cue, Thomas replies, "We both just said his name, Blue. It was Andy."
Cupping his chin with one paw, the bat quietly echoes the name to himself, "Andy? Andy? Andy?", before coming up with the correct answer and questioning the rest of the room, more loudly, "Andrew Klein?"
"Yep." Stated Thomas.
Frowning, Adam continues his interrogation, "The captain of the chess team, Andrew Klein?"
"The one and the same." Affirmed Thomas again.
"I've heard a lot of unsavory things about that guy. I didn't know that he was a friend of yours."
"You've heard a lot of unsavory things about me."
"Birds of a feather." Muttered Forrest.
Glaring daggers at the wintry wolf, Adam insists, "Maybe, but everything I've heard about him is... I don't know, just worse. Besides, Blue, at least you're capable of a real smile. His always comes across as more of a sneer, like he's plotting something and the only reason it's there is to throw you off."
"Like the way politicians do?" Asked Danni.
Nodding, the furry flier throws his paws into the air out of frustration and agrees, "Exactly like that. I had to deal with him a few times in order to coordinate schoolwide events that multiple extracurricular clubs were participating in. Every time I saw him smile it looked so fake and forced, as though it were only there to lull the less insightful into a false sense of security. Add to that the way everyone else seemed to act around him and... and... I just knew that he was someone to be avoided."
"Hammer. Swing. Nail. Head." Rumbled Forrest sardonically as he fell back against the bed and made no effort to get up. "Funny thing is, he didn't really try to paint a better picture of himself either."
Shrugging, Danni shifts his gaze to Thomas and adds, "To summarize his rather lengthy monologue, he views himself as something of a demon while insisting that you're a good soul who's merely strayed from their path."
"A... demon, huh?" Murmured the cerulean canine, drumming his fingers along his leg. "I've known Andy for a long, LONG time. He helped me through some pretty rough patches; watched my back when no one else would. I know he's never been on the up-and-up, kind of like me but... just different, but can't say that I ever thought of him as anything biblically evil."
"Well, Thomas, we're not here to affirm OR deny his own opinion of himself." Explained the fox as he locked eyes with him and spread his palms amicably. "The one we're here to judge is you. Klein seemed to have faith in you and it didn't take me very long to come under the impression that the number of things that he has faith in can be counted on a single paw. That has to mean something, or at least I'd like to believe it does. The fact that you've already given us what we wanted seems to lean in that direction, doesn't it? But I'm afraid that I can only speculate so much. The answer can't come from me. It has to come from you, Thomas. Are you really a decent fur at heart or did Klein just pull at my heartstrings for fun?"
Hesitating for but a single heartbeat, Thomas stares into those hopeful eyes and retorts, "At my core, I am a terrible, manipulative, untrustworthy bastard. I hurt you and I hurt a ton of others before you. I have my reasons, or at least I thought I did at one point, but I realize now that they're all just excuses~
"But still excuses that I would still like to hear from the horse's own mouth." Said Danni as he clasped his paws together in his lap. "Or dog's, as the case may be."
"I can't promise that they'll be good enough to prove that I'm anything other than slime with fur."
"That's for me to decide, isn't it?"
"Fine, fine..., but would it be alright if I asked you something first?"
"I don't see why not."
"Do you really think that you'll be able to forgive me if I explain myself and my past motivations?" Questioned Thomas, his voice thready and hoarse. "Do you really think that it'll be that easy?"
"No, of course not." Replied the small fox bluntly. "In fact, it is entirely possible that I will NEVER be able to forgive you. However, forgiveness and acceptance aren't exactly the same thing. Even if that scar never fully heals, I can find it in myself to look past the wound and and the memory of how it was inflicted so long as there's proof that the one who caused it feels genuine remorse for doing what they did." Having removed his glasses and cleaned the lenses with the hem of his shirt, Danni returned them to the bridge of his slender nose and softly added, "Please believe me when I say this, Thomas, I WANT to be able to look past this scar, I really do."
As Thomas debated whether or not he should defend himself, Adam silently slid a paw across the several inches of sheets separating them and interlaced his fingers with those of his boyfriend's. The chocolate bat gripped as tight as he could, making sure that the blue boy knew that he was there for him.
Thomas squeezed right back and nodded his head.
With a heavy sigh, the lazuli Lucario bites his lip and then begins, "Forrest, on the night that I caught you two and brought you into my world, you asked me something. Do you remember what it was?"
"As I recall, there were a lot of things that I asked you." Grunted the wolf, his back still to the bed though his eyes were now open and fixed upon the ceiling. "Your reply to most of the questions that I'm referring to was, or course, 'no'."
"Forrest!" Barked Danni heatedly.
Waving a paw, Thomas shamefully mutters, "No, I deserved it. I probably deserved the others that he still has in his arsenal too."
"You're damn right you do." Spat Forrest with an audible sneer just before calming himself down enough to continue. "But in the interest of keeping things moving, I think I do recall asking you something that... threw you off your guard, even if only for a moment. Something to the effect of, 'How on Earth can you be this fucked up?'."
Wincing, the cobalt canine responds, "Yeah, something like that. And I answered, 'Because my daddy didn't love me enough.' Well, what you might not have known was just how close that snide, little response was to the actual truth. If you've talked to Andy, I can only assume that he's already given you a brief summary of my childhood, which may or may not be one of the reasons that," pointing at Danni, "you're willing to listen to me and," pointing at Forrest, "you're willing to sit idly by when it's clear that I both deserve a good thrashing and you'd love nothing more than to deliver said thrashing. However, what he told you was probably the slightly abridged PG-13 version. It's a lot shorter and he's a 'time is money' kind of guy. So, if you really think I'm worth hearing out, get ready for the long haul because this story normally takes an hour or two."
"There's plenty of daylight left." Said Danni, his paws now folded in his lap.
Closing his eyes, Thomas murmurs, "So there is."
And so began the proverbial director's commentary~
As it turned out, Thomas's time estimation missed the mark by an entire hour, if not a bit more. It took just over three hours for the story to run its course. Every so often Danni, and eventually even Forrest, would raise a paw and pause the story in order to pose a question. Though the teenage Lucario did his best to maintain his composure throughout the long monologue, there were still pieces here and there that his audience found peppered with stammers and tears. One-by-one he revisited the skeletons buried deep within the dusty confines of his closet, each one a separate story and each one told with varying levels of guilt and shame. From the abuse he'd suffered as a child to the abuse he felt justified in inflicting upon others, he recounted it all. Then, just as the dwindling light left the sky completely, came his recollection of the day of Adam's first attack and the following week in which his plans to pay off the bat's growing debt were first formulated. Adam kept his eyes closed and his head bowed as his boyfriend explained just how obvious a solution this decision had seemed to him back when he'd first made it. By the time the cerulean canine had finished, both of his cheeks bore dark, damp stains and both of the young men listening sat on the furthest edges of their seats.
"A-and... there you have it." Finished the black and blue Lucario, forcing back the tremble in his voice and steadying himself upon Adam's shoulder.
With purpose shining in his sapphire eyes, Forrest stands, turns towards Thomas, and very calms states, "I'd like to think that I've always been a decent judge of character, that my instincts are sharp enough to differentiate fake tears from the real thing. Though it pains me more than you'll ever know to say this, I do believe you."
For several seconds, the white wolf just stood there, his tall and muscular frame completely still but for the rise and fall of his chest.
Clenching his fists, Forrest growls, "This isn't fair."
"What isn't?" Inquired Danni, placing a paw on his mate's knee.
"This, all of this!" Barked the wolf in exacerbation as he waved his paws around. "I'm not keen on the idea of hating someone for the rest of my life, but it would certainly make everything a whole Hell of a lot easier." Glaring at Thomas with enough vehemence to inflict psychic damage had he the power to do so, he continued, "After what you did to us, I was certain that I would always remember you as a villain, as a monster. But now... now I'm not so sure. I don't think I can completely hate you and that, if anything, is what I hate the most. I feel like we deserve to have a face and a name to demonize for the rest of our lives; we deserve to have something on which we can place the blame, something that we won't have to worry about empathizing with later on down the line. We were your victims... but you were a victim too. Goddammit." Standing up, Forrest paced away from the bed with his tail hung low, dragging along the floor the entire way. Through gritted teeth, he very slowly and strategically enunciated, "But let me make one last thing clear, Rayne. Even if I'll never be able to fully hate you, I still dislike you, distrust you, and want nothing whatsoever to do with you. Do you understand?"
Fully aware that although he'd been asked a question, the wolf more than likely didn't want to hear him respond, Thomas chose to remain silent and merely nodded the affirmative.
"Good." Stated the silvery lycanthrope as he strode towards the bedroom door. Pausing just as he approached it, he turned to face his azure enemy and, with a mixed expression of anger and sorrow, added, "I suppose that behind every monster is... an even bigger monster. I'm sorry that the bigger monster had to prey on you. Maybe, just maybe, had life dealt you a different hand, we could have been friends. Let's go, Danni."
Without waiting for a reply, Forrest turned the handle, opened the door, stepped through, and closed it behind him.
Extending a paw, Danni bid the mahogany bat and his boyfriend an uncertain goodbye. Wordlessly, the Lucario gripped the tangerine paw and shook it. Then, having said all that he had planned to say, Danni turned, opened the bedroom door, stepped through it, and vanished from sight.
"W-well," peeped Thomas quietly, his nerves momentarily frazzled, "that was different."
Nodding, Adam agrees, "Blue, I get the feeling that a lot of things are gonna be different from now on."
As Thomas pondered just how different his life would become as a result of the day's events, how many changes he'd undergone in the past few days and how many more he felt that he still needed to undergo, a mental gear that had long since rusted itself in place broke free and began turning again. The lazuli Lucario knew what he had to do and how he had to start doing it.
"I'm going to tell your parents." Thomas swore, his head held high for the first time that day. "I want them to know, they deserve to know."
"Tell them what?"
"Everything."
"Everything?"
"Everything."
Taking in a deep, deep breath, the brown bat let both lung-fulls out at once in a long and tired sigh.
"Today?" Questioned Adam.
Smirking, but with very little humor, the cobalt canine retorts, "No time is better than the present."