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Fanboys Squirm the Best by: BerserkerB

The thunderous roar of the crowd echoed against the cold cement walls. Voices from all ages and all species mingled in a mixture of curses, cheers, and howls. The "stadium" as some might call it was a mid-sized ring about six meters wide. The ring was enclosed by a chain-link fence, and on the other side of the fence sat - and stood - the shouting fans. In the world of Pokemon there was nothing grander than battling. Many Pokemon, young and old, competed everyday in sanctioned battles, run by the Pokemon Battle Committee. They fought for fame, fortune, and a chance at making their dreams come true.

But...not everyone was happy with the Battle Committee. Many Pokemon had grown tired of all the rules and regulations forced upon them during sanctioned battles. In the wake of growing unrest, underground stadiums began popping up like wildflowers in every major city. Often run by powerful gangs or corrupt officials, these underground stadiums provided Pokemon with a chance to battle outside of the official rules. More often than not, this led to serious injuries and often times death. But to the battlers who thrived in the underground stadiums, it was all just a part of the action, the thrill, the excitement.

Bardok waited impatiently for the fight to start. He stood behind the gated entrance to the ring, arms crossed and eyes closed. Around him and above him, fans cheered for his success. They shouted his name and screamed for his autograph. He ignored them as best he could and tried to mentally prepare himself for the match.

Bardok was an Arbok, and proud to be one. His long, serpentine body was covered in purple scales. A large hood spread from the middle of his head, down his back, and disappeared just behind his shoulders. On the hood were colored scales that looked like half a face on each side, with big red and yellow eyes and a thick black "smile" that looked more sinister than happy.

Suddenly, a screeching voice broke his concentration. "Bardok we love you!"

His eyes flared open and he looked up to see two idiot fans screaming down at him. One looked like a Pikachu and the other was a Croconaw. They screamed it again, and the snake Pokemon thought his hearing senses were going to burst.

"Fucking fanboys," Bardok muttered. Luckily, he heard his name being shouted through the intercom. He could finally get away from these idiot fans and get to doing what he really loved, fighting.

The chain-linked door swung open automatically. Bardok slithered in to the arena and the door shut behind him. A small buzzing noise sounded, and the door locked tight. The snake Pokemon kept his eyes glued to the door across from him. In a few seconds, it too opened and his opponent for the night stepped in.

The intercom shouted the name, "Bulk." Bardok took note of it, but did not give a damn about his foe's name. Bulk was an Ursaring, a bear Pokemon with thick brown fur, sharp claws, and an odd-looking ring of light-tan fur on his belly. Bulk was quite tall, as were most Ursarings. Bardok shifted his body up some in order to match the bear Pokemon's height. He narrowed his gaze at the Ursaring, but got a sneer in response.

Bulk threw his arm in the air and shouted to the throng of excited spectators. "The Bulk is happy to be here tonight!" Bardok raised a brow. Did he just use the third-person? Bulk continued, "It just saddens the Bulk that he is up against such a weakling!" He pointed dramatically at Bardok, sneering at the Arbok. "The Bulk's fans want to see some action, but all they're going to see is the Bulk taking down his opponent in two seconds!" Bardok was really starting to hate this guy more and more. "But don't worry," the Bulk jeered, "I'll be sure to make you into a nice Arbok-skinned belt, and maybe some boots too."

His idiotic quipping sent the fans on his side of the room to go into a frenzy of cheers. Bardok's fans countered with curses and insults. Bardok could have cared less. Finally, the bell rang, sounding the beginning of the match. Bardok slithered in slowly, gauging his distance for a good first strike.

Of course, the Bulk had other plans. The bear Pokemon let out a roar and charged. It took Bardok by surprise, and the tackle sent him sprawling to the ground. There was a roar from the crowd. Bardok looked up just in time to see Bulk coming down at him, both arms up and glowing with energy for a hammer arm strike. Bardok quickly spun around, and lashed at the bear Pokemon with his thick tail. The Bulk was wide open, at the hit scored him directly in the chest. Bulk went flying into the chain fence, which gave Bardok enough time to stand and ready his defense.

The Ursaring was back on his feet in no time, and not the least bit stunned. Despite the Bulk's idiocy, it was apparent he was no stranger to fighting. Bulk made another charge, but this time Bardok was ready. The bear Pokemon slashed with his right claw, and Bardok shifted his torso to the left. He let in with a quick jab to the Bulk's stomach, knocking some of the wind out of the big lug. He swung an uppercut with his right arm, but the Bulk blocked it just in time. The bear Pokemon's arms glowed with energy, and Bardok barely missed being smashed by another hammer arm attack.

Bardok gauged his strength with his opponent's. Bulk definitely had him beat in a straight fist-to-fist match. The Ursaring's upper-body strength outmatched his own, but this was why Bardok was proud to be an Arbok. All he needed was the right moment to strike.

"The Bulk is impressed," the bear Pokemon suddenly exclaimed. "The Bulk thought you were going to be an easy match, but it seems you're as slippery as the rest of your species."

Bardok took offense. "I'm not slippery! My scales are just smooth, that's all."

The Bulk looked confused. "What are you talking about? The Bulk was merely talking about you being nimble and clever."

"Oh..." Bardok slapped his face. This is why he never quipped during a fight. He always ended up saying something stupid. "Can we just get on with the fight?"

The Bulk grinned. "Gladly." His stance suddenly shifted. He bent his right arm down and raised it above is head. He looked down at the ground and grit his teeth. Bardok's eyes went wide.

"Shit, no!" His screams fell on deaf ears. The stupid Ursaring roared and smashed his fist into the ground. The room began to shake, and the cement floor cracked from the sudden earthquake. With little time to think, Bardok did the only thing he could think of. He curled his body like a spring and sprung into the air. The shock wave of the attack barely missed him. Using earthquake was not forbidden, but it was an incredibly stupid move to pull. If the shocks were too strong, the walls and ceiling might collapse. Not only that, but if the shock waves were ever picked up outside, it could mean a raid.

There were some shouts from the crowd, as well as some curses from the guy behind the intercom. Bardok looked down and saw the Bulk standing underneath, his arm held back and blowing bright with energy. The Arbok cursed his foolish move. The earthquake had been a feint. He had no defense now, and was falling fast. He made a split-second decision, and opened his mouth. A torrent of gunk and sludge blasted from his maw. The gunk shot splashed all over Bulk's face, blinding and distracting him. The white energy around his arm vanished almost immediately.

Bardok spread his coils as he neared the ground, softening his landing. Swiftly, he circled around the blinded Ursaring, enveloping him in thick, purple scales. He wrapped his body tightly, pinning the Bulk's arms to his sides and binding him closely in a powerful wrap. With a grin that matched the sinister look on his hood, the Arbok proceeded to do his own little quipping. But only a little.

"Heh, seems the Bulk got himself caught by the slippery Arbok." He closed a fist and socked the Ursaring's left cheek. "What was that about taking me down in two seconds? I'm going to turn the Bulk into 'the Stick.'" His wisecrack for the day complete, Bardok proceeded to pound the Bulk with punch after punch. He landed a right curve, then a left curve, and then a punch to the jaw. With each punch he continued to squeeze his coils tighter and tighter. He could feel the Bulk slowly being crushed between the mighty muscles in his serpentine body.

But then things started to change. He soon felt resistance against his coils. Bulk issued a low growl, and Bardok quite punching. It did not take him long to realize what was happening. The Ursaring had begun bulking up his muscles, increasing his strength and defense. The Bulk's body grew thicker as his muscles bulged from the increase in mass. Bardok cursed and tried to squeeze harder. It was a battle of muscle, and Bardok was losing. Not ready to be outdone, the snake Pokemon readied another attack. He pressed his right hand's index and middle finger together. They soon glowed a bright purple. With a thrust, he jabbed the poisoned fingers into the bear Pokemon's neck. The Bulk howled in pain, then went slightly limp.

Bardok thought he won. Huge mistake. Suddenly, Bulk issued a bellow far greater than the shouting throng of fans. His body became bathed in a reddish glow, and his eyes became blood-red. The bear Pokemon's guts ability had kicked in when he became poisoned, His strength shot up in power, and he easily pulled his arms free from Bardok's grasp.

The bear Pokemon readied another attack. He raised his arms over his head, and they enveloped in light. Bardok realized an attack like this might kill him! He opened his mouth and issued a cloud of dark smoke. The haze enshrouded them both, but the Bulk's attack still connected.

When the smoke cleared, it was obvious that something had happened. Although the Bulk's hammer arm attack had hit squarely, the damage was not as it should have been. Bardok's haze counter had removed the bear Pokemon's status increases, and forced his attack at normal power. However, even at normal strength the Ursaring's blow had done its damage. Bardok cringed and looked ready to toss his lunch. Barely fazed by his sudden loss of power, Bulk made to strike once again. However, before he could move, the scales on Bardok's body became enshrouded in a dark energy. The snake Pokemon crushed at the Bulk one more time. The Ursaring howled in pain, and quickly fainted.

Bardok's body returned to normal and he slithered towards the exit, leaving the bear Pokemon behind on the cracked cement. Bardok looked at his foe's limp form. "Payback. It's a bitch." He had used the Bulk's attack to power up his own move, finishing off the Ursaring with one final constriction.

The chain-linked fence opened for him, and Bardok slithered out into the mass of cheering fans. He was quickly swamped, fans of all sizes jumping and shouting and his name, calling for him to sign their autograph books. He pushed through the throng and did his best not to strangle the more annoying ones who kept jumping on the back of his body. After a few minutes of weaving though the crowd, he somehow managed to make his way into the backstage hall. Thankfully it was off-limits to everyone but the staff and combatants.

The backstage hall led to an elevator. Bardok rode it up a flight, and exited into a different hall. This hall took him to his room, amongst countless other rooms. The particular gang who ran the underground fighting rings in the area provided the fighters with rooms to sleep and rest in. For an additional cut, a fighter could shack up in a hotel room run by the mob. Bardok chose to stay in the rooms provided. They were clean, and had everything he needed between bouts.

Bardok's room was somewhat small, but that was mainly because he was so big. The room was like a studio apartment. On one side of the room was a small kitchen, complete with refrigerator and stove. A door on the opposite end opened to a bathroom. Thankfully, he had been given a tub big enough to fit at least half his body.

After unfolding the bed from the pull-out couch, Bardok stretched his weary scales and yawned. The only things on his mind were getting a nice hot bath, something to eat, and then sleeping the rest of the night away. He made for the bathroom door, but then something caught his eye. The door to the hall was ajar. He could have sworn he closed it. After closing the door, he happened to flick his forked tongue. His sense of taste picked up something from the air. He flicked his tongue out again and narrowed his gaze. Someone else was in the room.

He spun around and scanned the small room. There were very few places to hide in the small space. He checked the kitchen. Nothing. He checked around the bed. Nothing. Then, he heard a slight giggle. He cracked his head towards the bathroom. The door was slightly open, and he quickly noticed a strange mixture of blue and yellow along the crack.

"Come out of there!" he shouted in earnest. Two voices squeaked, and the door slammed shut. Bardok slithered over and screamed at the top of his lungs. "You have two seconds to come out, or I'm breaking the door down!"

There was a slight shuffling, and then the door opened. Bardok backed up and gave them room to enter. His eyes widened. It was the Pikachu and the Croconaw from earlier!

The Pikachu spoke first. "We are so sorry Mr. Bardok, sir!" he spoke too loudly and his voice was rather squeaky. "We didn't mean to sneak in, honest!"

The Croconaw chimed in. "Yeah, it just sort of happened. We just wanted to get your autograph."

Bardok looked at them both with narrow eyes. Hidden behind his stare was a rampant blaze of anger. If there was one thing he hated more than fans, it was obsessive fans. "Look you little pipsqueaks, give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you for breaking in here?"

Both boys looked at each other nervously. Bardok could tell they were not expecting it to be this hard. Suddenly, the snake Pokemon felt a rumble in his belly. He rubbed at his midsection and grumbled. He had eaten little before the fight, and it was starting to get to him.

The Pikachu and the Croconaw got down on their knees and begged. "Please don't kill us! All we wanted was your autograph! We'll leave you alone, we promise!" Their eyes wept with sincerity, but Bardok knew they were partly lying. Bardok had a feeling he knew what they really wanted.

He smiled and thought up a little plan. "You boys didn't just break in to my room just to get my signature." He noticed their eyes flash for a second. "I bet what you really wanted was to...watch me take a bath." He hit the nail on the head. They confessed to wanting to see him naked and even confessed that they had planned on taking pictures.

Bardok kept his smile, but hid his contempt for them both. With a coy chuckle he said "Well how about I take things one step further?" He loved the look of surprise on their faces.

"What do you mean?" asked the Croconaw.

"I mean, how would you two like to get to know me a little more...intimately?" He wrapped his body around them and scratched their chins. The young men blushed revealingly, and Bardok knew he had them hook, line, and sinker. "Don't be shy boys. Just strip down, and I'll give you an experience to blog about."

He did not have to tell them twice. They leapt from his coils and began stripping as quickly as possible. Bardok sauntered to his bed, crawled to the middle, and casually removed the jacket and loincloth he was wearing. By the time he was done, both fanboys were naked and ready for him. He patted the bed, motioning them to sit next to him. The Croconaw sat closest to his serpentine body.

"Are you boys ready?" he asked in a deep, sensual voice. They both nodded fervently. "Good, because I'm hungry." Before they could ask what he meant, Bardok struck. His long body quickly coiled around the Croconaw. The alligator Pokemon yelped and flailed about, but Bardok's strong muscles quickly grasped around him, squeezing him firmly and with no escape. As for the Pikachu, Bardok simply grabbed the electric rodent's arms with both hands and hauled him into the air.

The Pikachu screamed. "Let me go!" He swung his foot at Bardok's chin, but the snake Pokemon easily dodged it.

"Feisty little rodent, aren't you?" Bardok smirked, but his smile faded quickly. The Pikachu's red cheeks began to spark. From his experience he knew an electrical blast was coming. Quick to put a stop to any dangerous resistance, Bardok slammed the young rodent Pokemon onto the bed. The jolt surprised the Pikachu long enough for Bardok's next move. He leaned down and gazed sharply into his prey's eyes. His eyes glowed a creepy red. The gaze attack struck the Pikachu hard. The menacing gaze from Bardok caused the electric rodent to paralyze in fear. His body stiffened and the sparks around his cheeks vanished.

"No need to get excited," Bardok said as he scratched the paralyzed Pikachu's chin. "I'm giving you the best experience a fan could ever have." He picked his prey up off the bed and opened his mouth. His snake-like jaws popped a little as he stretched them wide for the initial ingestion. The look of fear in the Pikachu's eyes was priceless, and his strains to cry for help made the whole thing more delicious. Bardok lunged his head forward and thrust the Pikachu fanboy's head into his gaping maw. The electric rodent's face squished up against the inside of his mouth, stretching his scales and making a large lump against the back of his throat. He wrapped his scaly lips around the back of his meal's head and swallowed.

The fanboy was quite tasty. His flavor washed over Bardok's senses while he gulped the rodent Pokemon's head down his gullet. His forked tongue played around the Pikachu's soft fur, gathering the taste of sweat and fear. Bardok's powerful throat muscles pulled his prey in with ease, having done so to other meals many times before. The Pikachu's shoulders served a minor annoyance, but were soon gobbled down. Bardok tilted his head up and gulped several times. He pulled his meal down fast, sucking the poor Pikachu down like a furry noodle. The electric rodent's legs kicked meekly from outside the snake Pokemon's jaws, still stiffened by paralysis. It was an easy meal; the Pikachu being short and slim. The two furry legs slipped deeper and deeper, until finally the Pikachu's toes slid casually into the darkness.

Bardok felt his abdomen expand for the little meal. He rubbed his gut happily, quite fond of the squirming that the electric mouse was starting to put up. He watched for a minute as the foolish Pikachu struggled and twisted around in the tight, wet confines of an Arbok's belly. Then, he moved his attention to the rest of the evening's meal.

"That was a good appetizer, but now I think I'll have the main course." He looked back at the Croconaw, who had barely been putting up much of a fight the whole time. "What's the matter, too scared to fight back?"

The Croconaw did not respond at first. He diverted his eyes away from the Arbok. After a while he spoke. "How could you?" His voice was low and shaky. "We... We just wanted your autograph. We're just fans." His voice suddenly rose and he shouted, "Why would you do this to your fans!?"

Bardok silenced him with a poison jab attack. His glowing fingers pressed firmly against the crocodile Pokemon's neck. "You want to know why? To me, you are just meat." He leaned in close and let his forked tongue snake around his prey's snout. "I hate my fans, I think you're worthless. All that matters when it comes to the battlefield is me and my opponent. You idiot fanboys are worthless except to help sedate my needs." He could not tell if the tears welling up in the Croconaw's eyes were from the poison or the realization. Either way, it was time to eat.

He opened his mouth and clamped it around the Croconaw's face. This guy was bigger and chubbier than the Pikachu, which meant more meat but also more work. Bardok felt his jaws unhinge after a few seconds. He stretched his maw wider and slowly enveloped the Croconaw's head into the dark abyss of his throat.

As he ate, his stomach started moving his previous meal further down his long, winding stomach. The Pikachu, who was still wiggling around, was pulled and pushed down the tight, narrow tube that lead to the Arbok's serpentine body.

Bardok ate slower with this one. He eased his meal in with each gulp, swallowing gently to avoid bruising his own body. The scaly body of his prey was delicious. Bardok had a special place in his heart - and belly - for other scaly creatures. He slowly uncoiled his body as he worked his head and shoulder between them. His jaws hit a snag when they reached the Croconaw's chubby belly. He waited for them to unhinge, and then continued. The meaty gut of his meal squished tightly against his mouth. It was a pain to swallow, but well worth it. The bulge it made in his gullet was comical, looking like a giant Adam's apple going down his neck.

He stopped for a moment to adjust his coils and reposition himself on the bed. With most of his meal secured tightly between his jaws, he was free to lay back and enjoy the rest of his meal in peace. And that is exactly what he did. He laid his head against the pillows and rolled his long body around the bed in a small spiral. The lump that the Pikachu made in his scales, though small, could clearly be seen resting midway through his body. The electric mouse had stopped moving by this point.

Now relaxed and ready to finish up, Bardok resumed gulping the chubby meal down. There was not much left to devour, only the Croconaw's flailing legs and feet. Bardok took longer than usual, and just savored the crocodile Pokemon's final descent. He let his forked tongue gather any and all flavors it could find as the two legs disappeared slowly into the dark, moist tunnel. Eventually his good time came to an end, and he snapped his mouth shut as his prey's feet slid beyond his lips.

The Croconaw had made quite a meal, a meal he had not had in a long time. Bardok laid back and rest his hands above his head. His meal squirmed and kicked around his acidic prison, but would eventually succumb as all prey did. Still, his squirms for life felt nice and comforting, and the snake Pokemon drifted to sleep soon after. His last thought before falling asleep was that he was wrong about fanboys; they had one good purpose. They squirmed the best.

The End