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Day 144

(I'll fill in the damn details later)

Something amazing happened today. The wolf I'd been tracking. The bitch. It saved my damn life.

I'd been surprised by a corpse after dark. Dumb of me, I guess. I ought not to have gone out after nightfall. I'd always managed to avoid them before. Apparently, they don't die normally. But this bitch. This damn bitch knew. She tackled it so that it struck its head against a stairway. I swear to god she aimed for it deliberately. Nobody'll ever believe me, but it's true. Then, while I looked on, not five meters away, she indicated the head, where the skull had been broken. She was teaching me how to kill them. I don't know why she had a change of heart. Maybe she realises I'm not one of them, and want me to survive? Whatever reason, I'm more determined to find her pack mate. There's something up with these wolves, that's for damn sure.

We followed the strange upright for a while after that, at a considerable distance. That was my promise to Runt. Every day while we stalked it, he grew more energized. He ate more, he woke earlier, he walked with more determination. It even seemed to me that the wound on his paw grew more manageable. In any case, he was more the wolf I knew he could be, and I felt much better with myself as a result.

Strangely, during the day, the stinking uprights vanished. Presumably gone to hide in hollows such as the one we'd occupied. I could always smell them. But our target too, managed to avoid them for the longest time, and soon I could relax even on its behalf.

After two days we put the gathering of wood lumps behind us. It didn't take a long time of observation to realise that this upright was, presumably, the main sort of prey of the smelly uprights. Because, when it climbed a tree in order to sleep in it, like a marten or squirrel, the smelly ones flocked aimlessly around the base of the trees, unable to climb up to it.

Runt stopped worrying too, and started to settle down a little. I could even leave him to his own devices while I hunted, and he'd remain watching over the upright. It was during one of these hunts when I returned to find him lying with a soft whine going, tail limp and ears lowered.

"It got away, Nine," Runt said.

"It got away?" I asked. "Couldn't you just follow it?"

"No, I mean... I mean, it got away. I followed it for a while until we reached another one of those stone paths. But something strange happened."

"What happened?"

"It climbed into a... a thing... a thing which made noise and light. And the thing took him away. I tried to chase after, but I can't run very fast. And it was very fast."

"A thing?"

"I don't know how to describe it. It was like a cave. It had some clear walls and some walls which weren't clear, so I could sort of see inside."

I'd seen clear walls. I'd seen stone paths. I'd seen a lot of strange things these last days, and I could readily believe the world was capable of containing movable caves which made noise and light.

"What do we do?" Runt asked.

"We have to concern ourselves with our own survival," I told him. "But if we have the time, we'll get to the bottom of this. Take me to the stone path. Maybe we can learn something from there. But if we can't follow a trail. Then we can't."

Runt swallowed. "Y-yes. Right."

Day 160

Temperature high 12, low 9. No wind readings. Overcast.

Found an abandoned car the other day, and for the last few days I have not had time to write in my log. I've had to leave this area for a while. I just need something to fight them with. Can't rely on daylight alone to keep me safe. Weapons, if I can find any. Medicine. And a book about medicine and whatever it is veterinarians read. I can't get that wolf out of my head. It's more than a coincidence. It's damn near spiritual. I owe that wolf bitch my life. If I could just help her mate, maybe that'd return the favour.

_ _

For days and days, we followed the strange path. Runt's mood fell as the realisation started to weigh on him. The strange upright was gone. It had left no trace I could track, and no scent either. We saw another one of the odd caves Runt claimed had taken the strange creature. But neither he nor I could make sense of how to get inside it. And it was as dead and scentless as anything around it, save for some acrid smells I didn't wish to investigate further.

For each day that passed, Runt seemed less and less like himself. His good paw flared up. His tail hung limp, and his ears rarely perked. I couldn't find much game to sustain us around here, but Runt refused to leave the path. His determination had changed to an obsession, and whenever I ordered him off it, he said I should leave him instead. His limp became more pronounced, and his whimpers more often cut through my concentration.

"Runt..."

"I can go on," he responded immediately, as he had done every time I'd called a break. I could smell his paw from a long way away.

"You need to lay down. You're in a bad way."

I came up to his side and nosed his ear. Devoid of energy, he collapsed against the side of the path, resting his muzzle on it, wordlessly resigning himself to his fate.

"How long since you ate last? You haven't had a share of my two last kills."

"I'll be fine, Nine, don't worry so much about me."

"I do worry," I told him. "It's what us wolves do. We concern ourselves about our pack mates."

"I don't worry about you this much, Nine," he said, still panting. "But I do worry about that upright. I'm sorry, but I just do. More than anything, even after all we've been through. Why is that, Nine?"

"I can't say," I told him. "You're a strange wolf, aren't you?"

"I guess I am," Runt said slowly. "Maybe I'm an upright, too?"

I couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Alright. I'll fetch you some food, and we'll keep looking for this upright of yours. You'll never find it if you starve to death here. Maybe it's part of your spirit pack?"

"Spirit pack?" Runt asked.

"It's something One talked about," I explained. "It's... it's the pack the spirits meant for you to have. It might not be the pack you're with right now. It might not even exist in our world. But somewhere out there, there's a pack for you too."

"But you're my pack, aren't you?" Runt asked, not at all convinced.

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. But I will watch over you until you find where you belong."

I gave his muzzle a lick and headed off to hunt.

Day 166

It's colder out now.

But I found what I needed. Plenty of food, plenty of supplies. And a map. I found a god damn map, finally! Safety is near, I can sense it.

I dragged Runt to a cave I'd found some days back. His breathing was laboured, and he didn't eat. His paw smelled foul, not far removed from the scent of the corpse rotted uprights. I worried sick for him, and the most frustrating thing was that I didn't know what to do.

"Runt, come now," I told him, nudging him carefully with my nose. He'd taken to whimper loudly whenever I moved him. "You have to eat. Or you'll die."

"What's... the point..." he groaned. "I don't... belong."

"You do belong," I whined. I actually whined. I couldn't let him leave me, I couldn't be alone. "You belong with me."

"You've been good to me, Nine," He said almost voicelessly. "You've been good."

"I'll continue being good to you," I told him. "If you just eat. I brought you a whole-"

"I'll eat in the spirit lands," Runt said. "I'm too tired, Nine. I'm tired of limping. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of being a burden to you. Say what you will, I know I am. In the spirit lands... In the spirit lands, I'll find my spirit pack. Someone who'll always appreciate my company. In the spirit lands, I'll be whole again."

"You are whole," I cried. "You're just right, exactly as you are, Runt."

"I'm not, though," He whimpered. Then he closed his eyes. "Something is missing from me, and I don't know how to fix it."

I realised there wasn't much time left. Nobody spoke like that if they couldn't see the end from where they were. And somehow. I knew what Runt needed. He needed his spirit pack. I hoped I was right about this, it was my last option.

Day 170

Why do I even log these events? Whoever will see these things? Who will I share my stories with? I haven't seen any other human on my journeys since the bombs fell and the corpses came. But surely, they have to be here somewhere. At least with a map, I know where to search. Well, here's hoping at least. I've got a car, and I've got enough supplies to last. Just one more thing. I've returned to where I saw traces of the wolves last. But where to look now? Tracking them on tarmac is hopeless.

_ _

I knew it was just a matter of time before he passed to a place he couldn't return from. The upright and he clearly shared some bond stronger than my bond of pack, regardless of my ability to understand it. This world was much bigger and filled with more strange things than I could ever comprehend, and I had to let go of the constraining beliefs I held, which kept Runt unhappy. Runt wasn't me. He wasn't quite like any wolf I knew. He wasn't meant for other wolves. He was meant for this upright with the fur in his face.

And finding this upright was my task as his alpha, if ever I had one. I had sworn to protect him, and it seemed to me that Runt's life depended on it.

For days, I searched. I scoured the forest completely, but never once discovered the upright's scent. I'd chased the stone path up and down, from the point where we'd found him, and all the way down where Runt had finally had to give up. And there, I finally felt the almost delirious smell of upright, free of corpse rot.

Exhausted and starving, I chased the scent until I found its owner. It was busy marking a tree, so it didn't notice me until I was right upon it. In the place of a deep tree-colour, its outer coat was now the colour of the sun, bright and visible from long away. It also didn't have the large lump on its back in which it had kept a great many strange things. Runt and I had spent days wondering what it all was. In its place, there was a single long, foul smelling stick of some kind. But I didn't let it deter me. I carefully walked up to it and nudged it with my snout. I wasn't sure how it'd react, but if it was as clever as I hoped, and as Runt suspected, I guessed it might remember me.

The upright turned its head to lock eyes with me. Then it made some noises I'd not heard before, before it lost its balance. It was almost growing incessant at this point. But I didn't have time to waste trying to teach it to walk on its forepaws. There were more important things to be done.

"Where's your friend?"

The way it looked around near where I stood made me guess at what it was looking for. I threw my head in the direction of the cave where I'd laid Runt. Hoping to all the spirits above there was still breath in his chest.

"There? What's there? Is it... oh... Oh, I should follow?"

I wasn't sure why it kept making so much noise all the time, but eventually, it padded slowly in my direction. In response, I darted a few paces, and turned back to lock eyes with it again. Somehow, the upright seemed to understand me, and picked up its pace.

This upright moved through the wood clumsily. Not as clumsily as the corpse-rot uprights, but clumsily enough that I grew impatient and doubled back for it several times. By the time I'd reached the cave, the upright was panting heavily.

I guided it into the shallow cave, fighting every instinct in my body which told me to protect Runt. I was protecting him. If the upright had half a mind, it'd be fighting some instincts too. To follow a wolf into a cave with another wolf in it spoke volumes.

Runt lay motionless in a corner. Before I could indicate him to the upright, a bright light cut across the cave. I flinched and drew away. It seemed the upright had commanded a part of the sun with his paw. The light hurt my eyes, but nothing more, so I stayed the growl which was building in my throat.

"I see. It's the little one. He's hurt, isn't he? Isn't he, girl?"

The upright mumbled some sounds. And somehow, the sounds caused Runt's one ear to perk. On all four paws, the upright crawled closer. It looked far less imposing like this, with its head crouched low to avoid the cave roof.

"I see. It must be an infection. Oh, it doesn't look good, does it, girl? No, it doesn't. But I can try to save him. If you'll let me, that is."

The upright glanced towards Runt, then back at me. Then he took Runt's good, or rather not so good, paw into his own dextrous one. Runt cried out at that, a weak feeble cry. I snarled instinctually, and the upright drew back. I was still in control of the situation. He shouldn't hurt Runt.

"Don't," Runt groaned softly. "It wants to help in earnest."

"How can you be so sure. It sounded like it hurt you."

"I know from the way it speaks," Runt replied. "It uses soft sounds. Soft sounds mean good things. I trust it, Nine."

"Soft words..." I shook my head. "Are you sure?"

"Trust me, Nine," Runt whispered so quietly I had to strain my ears to hear him. "I'm sure of it."

I got up close to him, and nuzzled his snout. He wasn't strong, but he didn't have fear. He had complete trust in it. Never had I sensed such a strong trust from Runt before. I lowered my ears, and looked back at the upright.

"You'll let me take him, won't you girl? I have my things in my car. You can come with. Come on now. Come on."

The upright hefted Runt up on its shoulders, holding him aloft. I trailed close behind them, ready to spring at any point, as the upright retraced its step back to the stone path. I smelled calmness and affection from Runt. If this was the end, he'd have a good death at least. Not alone in a cave, starving and weak.

After a short walk, we reached another one of the strange caves. This one smelled of the upright's distinct smell and was presumably its territory. I wasn't going to let Runt be taken away, so I followed them inside as soon as the upright made an entrance appear. The upright put Runt down on a soft surface which smelled of its own scent. But spirits, it was sublime against my haunches. It was the softest thing I'd ever felt. Everything around us smelled of the upright, and soon, Runt did too. This only made him more energized.

"How are you feeling, are you okay?" I asked him. "I'm not sure about this-"

"I'm sure." Runt hissed in pain as the upright put a smelly liquid on his paw. "No, Nine, please! Don't harm it. I think... I think it's helping. Just trust me. If its methods don't work... well... what harm will it have done?"

"It might kill you," I said. But I felt less and less convinced of that. "Aren't you afraid this is all a trap?"

"No." Runt turned his ears forward to face the upright. "I'm not afraid at all. I trust it. I trust it more than you can ever know, Nine. I feel... I feel more... complete."

Sitting on the soft surface, I kept a close eye on what the upright did to Runt at the other end of the cave. Even if it was trying to kill Runt, it did so with as much care and concern as I'd ever seen. Its dextrous paws moved both quickly and softly, and every now and then, it scratched at Runt's head fur, and around it's ears. At first, I thought it'd found fleas. But that couldn't be it, because I'd kept him well groomed. But whenever the upright's paws touched Runt, his tail would bat weakly against me.

"Let's hope you'll be alright, lil' buddy. Now you need plenty of water, and some food, too. And you..."

The upright turned towards me, and I flicked my ears towards him. Why, I don't know. Not like I could make out any of its sounds. But remembering what Runt had said, I could at least discern soft sounds from harsh ones, and these sounded quite soft.

"You're a hero, girl. You're a damn clever too. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were destined to cross my path."

The upright reached out a paw to touch my head, as he had touched Runt. I recoiled at first, from the sheer unnaturalness of the sensation. But I'll be damned if it wasn't at least a bit acceptable. I allowed it, for now, since he clearly derived some enjoyment from it, and I had just let him save Runt.

"I'm guessing you'll want to keep watch over your friend here. That's alright. Have something to eat, you both look like you could use it."

The upright reached out a paw towards us. Within it, I smelled the scent of dry meat. This poor, woeful scavenger wanted to share his findings with us. I wasn't too proud to refuse it, not in my current state. While I chewed on the piece of meat, the upright brought out another of its countless curiosities, a white square this time, and started scratching at it with a thin stick, making small marks appear on its surface. I tried to keep an eye on him, but after a while, I guess I must have fallen asleep along with my pack mate. Maybe I'd have to find my own pack, one day, where I felt the belonging Runt felt here. For now, I'd keep an eye on them both until I found my spirit pack. And I'd leave Runt one day, knowing I'd done well by him.

Day 178

This is too insane for words. Even if I explained how I came by the wolves today, you'd never believe me.

The little one isn't a wolf at all. The markings are all wrong, and it's too small. And I've never known any wild animal to act so calm around humans. It's a mix. There's half, or a quarter of dog in him if I'm any judge, not that I'm no expert. This is sensational.

He'd taken some kind of wound, which I've treated with antibiotics, and I think it's working. The book has a list of helpful signs to look out for, so I feel pretty confident. He's at least a year old, or so, so he's from before the whole ordeal with the corpses and the bombs. Maybe he's been out here all his life? What a story. I think I'll be bringing him along; his company will do me good. It remains to be seen what his friend will think of that. Maybe she'll come along too, maybe she'll run off. Who knows. With that brain of hers, she'll make it far. But her friend doesn't belong out in the wild. He's a very special pup. I think I'll call him Runt.