Way of the Beast, part 2
The next few hours moved quickly for Rusan and Llifen. Rusan was initiated as a member of the monastery, and it was decided that he would begin training under Llifen. This meant that the two of them would be cohabiting together for the time being, an arrangement which both of them were perfectly fine with. As they left the main temple, Llifen turned to Rusan. "So? How do you feel?" he asked in his usual tone of childlike gleefulness.
"I don't know," Rusan replied, somewhat confused, "Should I be feeling anything in particular?"
"Well of course!" Llifen said excitedly. "This is a big step for you. Now that you've decided to join us, it's up to you to determine what role you want to play in our society. I'll be training you for the next few months, but after that there are a lot of possibilities open to you."
Rusan paused in silent contemplation. "Well, I'll think about it," he said before letting out a yawn. "But right now, I feel like all I want to do is get some sleep."
Llifen nodded with a small chuckle. "I understand. It's been a long day, hasn't it?" It was a relief to come to the realization that after such an eventful day, the only thing left for them to do was to retire back to their room for a well-deserved rest.
As they both arrived back at their living quarters, Rusan was first to retire to his bed, collapsing onto his cot with an almost comical thud as if he had never experienced something so comfortable in all his life. Llifen followed him soon after as he settled into his own bed more delicately. After only a few minutes, the sound of slow, heavy breathing began emanating from Rusan. Llifen turned on his side to stare at his companion, somewhat surprised that Rusan could have fallen asleep so quickly. But as Llifen continued to listen to Rusan's breathing, he noticed that the sound was having an almost hypnotic effect on him. It did not take long before he too had joined Rusan in deep slumber.
It was Llifen who awoke hours later in the dead of night. Despite the fact that his wolf eyes allowed him to see even in dim starlight, it was so dark that he could barely make out the form of his new companion on the other side of the room. Nevertheless, he could tell that Rusan was still fast asleep. Llifen rolled over onto his back and interlaced his fingers over his stomach. As he stared at the inky blackness before him, he thought back to the day he had rescued Rusan.
***
Llifen had been out on a late-night stroll, as he was often prone to doing, looking for a secluded spot to perform his meditations. He always loved this time of night. The air would be cool enough to send a pleasant chill through his fur, yet not so cold as to be uncomfortable. And the silence--apart from a few guards patrolling the monastery, nobody would be awake at this hour, leaving the delicate sounds of the wind as the main source of noise for miles around. As he walked, he listened to the sounds of the night, hoping to let the silence wash over him. But instead, a noise he could not immediately identify invaded his ears--something definitely was not right. As he focused his hearing, his ears could pick up the sounds of a scuffle. A sparring match this late at night? No, this was something far more unrestrained, far more violent. He immediately started running toward the source. This was not going to be the quiet, peaceful evening he had hoped for, much to his dismay.
Llifen ran as fast as his legs would take him toward the source of the noise. As he reached the wall that bordered the village, he found three figures. One of them was lying on his back, seemingly unconscious and still. The second was kneeling down in pain, his body bruised and bloodied. The third was walking toward his opponent with a body language exhibiting a sense of ruthless menace. Llifen made eye contact with this third wolf, who looked back at him and seemed to have a change of heart. Rather than engage a new opponent, he turned tail and ran off toward the wall. Llifen began to give chase, but as the wolf bounded over the wall, he immediately changed his mind and instead turned his attention to the two injured wolves.
Llifen recognized one of the wolves as a fairly recent initiate who had been assigned to guard duty. As Llifen helped him to his feet, the guard let out a low groan of pain. "Urrgh...why did you let him get away?"
"That's not important right now. You're hurt," Llifen responded.
"Are you kidding? I bet you could have taken him. _We_could have taken him!"
"Don't be foolish. You can barely even stand right now!"
"Don't worry about me, it's nothing that I can't take care of in a few minutes!" This wolf was as hard-headed as they come. In some contexts that would have been admirable, but it ran counter to the Way of the Beast, which required overcoming one's limitations, not ignoring them entirely.
"Who knows what could be on the other side of that wall? He could have others waiting for us as far as we know. Now quit being stubborn and help me get this person to a safe place," Llifen said in the most gravely strict manner possible.
The guard merely sighed in defeat. Llifen's stern voice was truly something to behold. Llifen hoisted the other wolf's limp body over his shoulders and walked toward his living quarters, the guard close behind keeping watch in case anybody should return.
As Llifen reached his living quarters, he laid the body down on the bed and studied the wolf's face intently. It was not anybody he recognized from the monastery. An outsider, most likely. "You don't think he was with that other wolf, do you?"
"I highly doubt it," the guard responded. "He was already lying on the ground by the time I got there. The other one, he looked like..." He hesitated briefly. "...like he might have been about to kill him."
Llifen did not say anything in response. Instead, he merely put his hand to his chin and shook his head slowly as a deep look of worry crossed his face. All his life, he had thought the monastery to be a safe place. For something like this to happen was utterly distressing. But he forced that thought to the back of his mind for now and focused on the task at hand. "Go to one of the supply rooms. I need you to get me a mortar and pestle, some medicinal herbs, and some bandages. And I think we'll need a cot as well. It would probably be best if we avoid moving his body as much as possible, so he'll be staying with me for the time being."
The guard nodded and left to fetch the supplies. Llifen then proceeded to focus all of his attention on establishing a mental connection with the wolf lying in front of him. This rudimentary skill, only recently developed, allowed him to sense another wolf's emotional state. He poked and prodded various parts of the wolf's body and gauged his reactions, hoping to see where his injuries lay. As he pressed a particular spot on the wolf's back, an intense feeling of pain erupted forth, a sensation almost like fire. Llifen did not even need the mental connection to know how much pain the wolf was in--his wincing face said it all.
After several minutes, the guard walked back through the door. "I have everything you asked for," he said. He laid out the cot on one side of the room and helped Llifen carefully move the body onto it. "That wolf who got away--do you think he had anything to do with this?"
"I don't think so," Llifen responded as he pulverized the herbs with the mortar and pestle into a thick slime. He pointed to a certain area on the wolf's body before daubing the herbs onto it. "He got injured right here on his back, not any place that you would target in a fight. If I had to guess, I would say he was attempting to climb over the wall and fell off. Seems he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." He unrolled a few lengths of bandages and expertly wrapped them around the wolf's torso, making sure that the bandages would not restrict his breathing. As Llifen double-checked his handiwork, a stray thought caused him to grimace slightly. How many injuries had he treated in his lifetime? And how many were of his own doing? He wished that he were not as familiar as he was with administering medical aid so often. "Thank you, that will be all. You should go and sleep off your injuries."
This statement only seemed to hurt the guard's pride. "Are you sure? I can help you out a bit more. Maybe I could..."
"I insist," Llifen interrupted, once again unleashing his stern voice. Without any further objection, the guard simply turned around and left. Llifen merely shook his head. Typical neophyte. Always looking to stretch themselves beyond their means, he thought to himself.
Without anything left to take care of, Llifen flopped down on his bed, utterly exhausted. As his mind wandered, he glanced over at the other side of the room. "So, you're an outsider, are you?" he said to the still-unconscious wolf, "I have a feeling we're both going to have a lot of questions, you and I..."
***
Llifen slowly drifted out of his reverie and looked over at Rusan. So many questions about him remained unanswered. Where did he come from? How did he manage to live on the street for so long? What was he doing here? But in the short time he had known him, he could tell that there were certain topics Rusan was reluctant to talk about. Which was fair enough. Everybody has those, not least of whom himself.
As Llifen lay in bed, he slowly became aware of the strong feeling of restlessness that had gripped him and just like on that fateful night, he felt the urge to take a walk in the dead of night. On silent pawpads, he carefully left the room and stepped out into the crisp night air. Everything was pitch black and utterly silent, perfect conditions for meditation. There was only one place he was thinking about going to.
The hill lay just beyond a series of alleyways. Even though it was completely dark outside, Llifen had made the trip enough times to know the route by heart. In short order, he had reached his destination. As he stood upon the summit of the hill, a cool wind blew through his fur, sending a chill through his body that caused him to wrap his arms around himself. He slowly sat down on the ground, closed his eyes, and let all sensation of the world around him gradually slip away.
As Llifen steadied his thoughts, he focused on the steps he would take for communing with the Beast. _Picture a space within your mind,_he thought to himself, _a hospitable environment for the Beast to reside in._The whole process was almost as if he were luring the Beast to him and out of the dark recesses of his mind. By now, he knew exactly what type of environment the Beast preferred. Llifen envisioned a forest of dark, gnarly trees, of sufficient openness that he could see the Beast's approach, yet dense enough to provide ample coverage for the Beast. The Beast would only appear to him when it was ready. No need to force it into revealing itself.
Despite this microcosm existing only in his mind, Llifen could still feel the leaves and damp earth beneath his feet as vividly as if it were real. He sharpened all of his senses, looking and listening for any signs of the Beast. Several tense minutes of waiting went by with nothing happening. Suddenly, a lone twig snapping in the distance signaled the presence of the Beast to Llifen. It was coming. Only one question: would it be in a good mood or a bad mood? Llifen used his ears to track the Beast's movements as it darted amongst the trees. Its swift movements were unpredictable and difficult to place, almost as if it were toying with him. Just who was pursuing who, exactly? Relying on his instincts as much as his senses, Llifen managed to turn his head at just the right moment to catch a glimpse of shimmering fur. No doubt about it, it was here with him now.
The first time Llifen had ever made contact with the Beast, it had terrified him. Nowadays it still terrified him, but at least he knew what to expect. "Come to me!" he cried out, hoping that none of his fear would show through, "Share with me your wisdom!" All of a sudden, everything fell silent. All movement ceased. Llifen steeled his nerves as a giant creature slowly came into view.
The Beast took the form of an enormous feral wolf, almost twice as tall as Llifen. Its body was nearly translucent, with the exception of the edges of its fur which had a distinct shimmering quality to it. It moved slowly toward Llifen, almost as if stalking him, with its eyes glaring and its fangs dripping with saliva. Yet Llifen knew to stand firm. The slightest sign of weakness would be disastrous.
"What is it that you want?" Llifen said to the Beast. He tentatively advanced toward the creature, and in response, the Beast only emitted low, menacing snarls as it studied every move Llifen made, judging whether or not to find him worthy. Like a deadly dance, the two circled around each other, the distance gradually decreasing between them. Step by agonizingly slow step--this was a test of patience as much as resolve. Eventually the two were within touching distance of each other, close enough that Llifen could feel the Beast's hot breath blowing through every strand of his fur. Llifen reached his hand out in as calming a gesture as he could manage, attempting to touch the snout of the Beast. Without warning, the Beast lunged out and snapped at his hand, prompting Llifen to flinch and pull back. Suddenly, the Beast's expression changed drastically, from one of menace to that of sheer anger. It did not take long for Llifen to realize that he had made a fatal error. The attack had only been a feint, a test that Llifen had failed. From that point, everything started going wrong quickly. The Beast bared its teeth at Llifen and let out the most bloodcurdling growl imaginable. In the face of such power, Llifen's legs went weak and he collapsed ungracefully onto the ground. Fearfully, he attempted to scoot backwards, even though he knew it would not do any good. The Beast now had its prey right where it wanted him, and it was only a matter of time. It lunged forth, this time for real, at Llifen. In response, Llifen could only cross his arms in front of his face as he waited for the inevitable...
...And with a mighty gasp, he was abruptly brought back to the real world. Llifen found himself panting for air as he made sure to take stock of where he was. He checked his body for any signs of mauling. None, of course. He always had to take several minutes to tell himself that the Beast only existed within his mind. Feeling utterly dejected, Llifen slowly trudged back to his living quarters, having learned nothing from the ordeal.
As Llifen entered his room, he must have slammed the door harder than he intended to, as his new companion woke up with a start. "I'm so sorry!" Llifen blurted out in an almost comically distressed tone, "I didn't mean to wake you!"
"No, it's not your fault. I'm a light sleeper. It comes with never sleeping in the same place for very long."
"Oh, I see..." Llifen replied. He let the conversation lapse into an awkward pause, not having wanted to remind Rusan of his life before.
It was Rusan who broke the silence by abruptly changing the subject. "So why were you out, anyway? You seem a bit on edge."
"Me? Well I..." Llifen was not quite sure how to adequately explain his encounter with the Beast to Rusan. "...had a nightmare."
"A nightmare?" Rusan chuckled sardonically. "What are you, a child?"
After his failure to connect with the Beast, Llifen was not in the mood for one of Rusan's jabs. Instead, he flopped face-down onto his bed and let out a pathetic noise of infuriation, somewhere between a growl and a scream, into his pillow.
Rusan was taken aback by Llifen's temperamental display. "Not that that's a bad thing!" He pivoted quickly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it!"
Llifen sighed apologetically. "No, it has nothing to do with you. Remember when Zaulii said that we all have limitations that we must overcome? Mine is that I have a tendency to get frustrated whenever things don't go my way. Zaulii is always telling me this every time I fall short, and I do my best to try and work past it, but...it's difficult."
"Wait," Rusan said skeptically, "Zaulii is always telling you of your shortcomings? Is that meant to make you feel better?"
"You don't understand, it's not about feeling better!" Llifen shot back defensively, "It's about self-improvement!"
"Well, if you ask me, the more someone tells you something, the more you start to internalize it. Do you know how many times I've been called a mongrel for living on the street? I don't know where I'd be if I didn't learn to just ignore it after a while."
"But you don't solve problems by ignoring them! You solve them by confronting them head-on!" Llifen's irritation was starting to boil over. Where did Rusan get the nerve thinking he knew the best way to teach the Way of the Beast?
Rusan showed no signs of relenting. "And where has that gotten you so far? You're clearly broken up about this! Otherwise why else would you be getting so angry?"
"Because it's your attitude that's making me angry! Why would you assume to know the best way to deal with my problems?" Without thinking, Llifen leaned into Rusan's face and snarled almost animalistically, causing Rusan to wince. Immediately, Llifen pulled back, his face full of regret for his actions. "Look...I don't want to argue with you about this anymore." He did not mean to lose his temper like this. Instead, he once again buried his face in his pillow. Typical neophyte...
From across the room, Llifen could hear Rusan letting out a deep sigh, which prompted Llifen to look in his general direction. Without saying another word, Rusan then proceeded to drag his cot across the room until it touched Llifen's bed before sitting on it cross-legged. Llifen was curious as to what Rusan was doing when he suddenly felt Rusan's hand pressing on his upper back. Clumsy fingers then proceeded to rub between his shoulder blades and over the base of his neck. Rusan did not display an ounce of technique or refinement, but it still felt oddly good. Llifen let out a soft sigh of appreciation as he felt his anger and frustration gradually ebb away.
Rusan patted him gently on his back. "You're right, I don't know how you deal with your problems, but I do know that you've got it in you to do so. Just never lose sight of that, okay?"
Llifen was touched. It felt like all he needed in that moment was a few words of encouragement to snap him out of his foul mood. "You really mean that?"
"Yeah, I really do," Rusan said with a smile, "Are you feeling any better?"
"I think I am, thank you."
"I can tell you are," Rusan chuckled, "Your tail says it all."
At that moment, Llifen suddenly became aware that his tail had been wagging furiously. He stopped himself and looked at Rusan with an embarrassed expression. "Um...we should get some sleep now. We need to get up early for training tomorrow, you know."
Rusan shot him a mischievous look. "Sure, whatever you say." He lay down beside Llifen and closed his eyes, a huge grin plastered over his face.
Llifen merely shook his head. He lay on his side and watched Rusan's breathing gradually slow down as he drifted off to sleep. And just like on the night he rescued him, Llifen once again focused all of his attention on establishing a mental connection with Rusan. This time, however, he was more intent on sensing the presence of the Beast inside him. It was there, just as it was inside every wolf, weak but present. But some part of Rusan's mind appeared to be holding it back. Llifen could only sigh upon realizing this, but it was understandable for someone who was newly initiated. There was nothing he could do for him at this point in time, but perhaps in due course they would both discover the best way for Rusan to connect with the Beast. For now though, he merely smiled and whispered softly as he nodded off, "Sleep well, my friend."