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I was a little on the fence about sharing a private conversation that Dasher and I had back on September 26th, 2013 ... They were thoughts he and I might not have wanted to share publicly, but through PM's, we were both able to express some deep thoughts that, under the present circumstances of his passing, might be of benefit to others.

There will be some minor editing to remove some small, insignificant parts that won't change the overall meaning and feeling of the exchange, and that's just my preference, so I'll leave it at that.

That said, let me begin with Dasher's reply via PM to a long forgotten comment I left somewhere on some story, perhaps one of his ... I doubt I'll ever be able to find out where or how the conversation began.

Dasher :

Hi! My story isn't scientific, just subjective. Had a stroke. In the hospital, my blood pressure was thru the roof and they were afraid I would burst a blood vessel in my head, so they gave me drugs to get my B.P. down. Something went wrong and it dropped so low, I almost died from that. I lost 30 years of memory, so my mental ability was compromised. (Took weeks to get most of it back) Anyway, I was in my hospital room when I looked up and saw him standing in the corner. If you have ever seen the web comic JACK, you can see what I saw. Tall green anthro rabbit in a brown death cloak. The message was not verbal but mental and he told me it was not my time yet. He also said that I would see him again when it was my time to die but most importantly to NOT make him come for me before it was the scheduled time, or I would not like it.

Not much but for me, it was enough and in a form I would accept. I have been a depressive since 11 years old and think of wanting to die, every day. Came close to walking in front of a car at 13 to end it but heard a voice that told me to stop. If I killed myself, I would never get to heaven. *shrugs* It worked as I am still here, tho at times it has been very hard to be.

I had been teetering on the edge before my stroke and the unhappiness after of dealing with my scrambled mind, lameness and vision loss on the left side were something that could have pushed me over the edge into killing myself. Seeing death as an anthro rabbit gave me two things to cling to. One, my heaven would be a furry one, if I held on and two, if I didn't hold on, I would not get there. Both were important to me and are the reasons I didn't sucome to the urge to just end it.

Perhaps there was a reason for it. IDK But I know I have saved more than one life from committing to suicide in the years since then, as well as put some of my writing online and (so they say) made some people happy. Was it real? Who knows... but the end result is I have done good in my time since then, so maybe there has been a reason after all.

I have helped my girlfriend die, (she had cancer) and I was the last person she recognized and spoke to. She saw friends of hers who had died come to her before the end. Death has always been very strange around me. Things happen that have no reason for happening. Do I think there is more after this thing we call life? *nods* Yes, I am certain of it.

Hope this gives you reason to have hope for more than this thing we call life and it helps you to go on with a better feeling about what comes after. I swear upon my soul, this is all the truth. *hugs*

Dasher Cheetah

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My Response :

Thanks Dasher ... I appreciate your reaching out and sharing what is likely very personal. The "scientific" part of my mind naturally looks for a logical explanation, and frankly, I'd rather avoid any such situations -- and the gravity associated with them -- in order to speak from personal experience myself, as likely, I'd STILL question myself even afterwards.

I did really like that line from Patrick Swayze in "Ghost" where he says, "The love you have, you take it with you." ... Then there's Albert Brooks in "Defending Your Life" which got me worrying, "What if I'm not living the life I'm supposed to live and learning the lessons to be able to move forward?" *sigh*

But of course, I think I've already expressed my biggest concerns -- losing contact with those I love who are no longer here -- there are so many things left unsaid and so many times you just want to hug them and want to be reunited. I guess the What If's? can really mess with your mind.

And then, there's the thought of What If I'm not 100% convinced, or following the right faith, or accepting of certain religious "truths" ... will that in some way mess things up? And what of those who are suffering who elect for a gentle way out -- are they "lost forever" because it wasn't brutally natural?

*sigh* Too many worries and too short a time to be here. I'm not one to open up to many, but the dreams and desires I have ... well, they just don't seem remotely possible here and now. I can't be the only one that feels the way I do, but I long for the existence of sentient, anthropomorphic creatures ... Perhaps I've read too many YS and SF stories, but human beings just don't seem to fit with me ... No problem with friendships, acquaintances, etc., but for a loving relationship, what I want seems to only live in fiction. At least to my knowledge.

Anyway, I'm spouting enough on this and the prior topic, but I'm guessing if the genre is so popular, and there are so many stories, images, etc. it can't just simply be some "generic costume fetish" or the like. There must be others who are in the same boat, but unless there's something spectacular on the horizon in the very near future, there's a strong possibility that the life I live here will be missing something very important.

Anyway, I do hope things are much improved for you, and once again I thank you for sharing.

All the Best!

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Dasher :

You're welcome. You are young yet and will see things yourself as you get older. We all have different paths thru life, different things to learn, even if we all share certain questions in life. I am a gray muzzle, (literal as well as figurative) and so have seen a few things and learned others. As such, I have reached some answers and decisions about it all that satisfy me.

I think life is hard enough that I don't need to add to the hardness for others. When I can help others avoid mistakes I learned the hard way, I think of it as giving light to the darkness. Adding light, or doing good, is the path I think is right to be on while I learn other things here. You have a lot of questions but I will give you a couple answers I found so far.

One is the physicists' newer theory of the multi-verse. As such, it is a scientific theory, not theological. Interestingly enough, the sci-fi author Robert Heinlein came up with it himself, decades back. Univeres split off for us all the time and exist right next to us. We could get there if we could see into the higher dimensions. Heinlein put it as that and more, that each story written generates particles called fictons that create a new universe. So every story I or anyone write, creates a new reality somewhere. So, all the characters created do exist. That thought makes me smile.

Point two is mathematical. Einstien put it as this. In infinity, every thing not expressly forbidden, MUST happen and happen an infinite number of times. Thus again, since there is nothing expressly forbidding anthro animals from existing, they do. And as an astronomer said of the universe we are in. It is an awful lot of space, for us to be the only self aware and intelligent life here. (And as I figure you think as I do, here's this. We are not the only intelligence on this planet. Whales, dolphins and elephants as well as apes are intelligent and aware.)

I am better than I was but not as good as I hope to be one day. *smiles*

BTW... I am jelouse of you. *chuckles* You are in Alduin's Explorer series.

Dasher

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My Response :

While not a "gray muzzle", last month marked me being closer to 50 than 40 (for the non-mathematical, that's 46), and the funny thing is, I feel like I'm just starting to understand things in life -- a real shame our lifespans aren't "described" by centuries rather than decades, as I there is so much more to learn and understand here, and frankly the thought of starting over from nothing each time, while likely better than ceasing to exist, fills me with sadness, because I want to continue to build and learn and grow.

The trouble with the whole "multi-verse" theory is, frankly, there's not one particular "story" in which I'd want to spend my time. I wouldn't be able to choose, as it were, even if given the chance. But since I've no form of inter-dimensional rift through which to gain access, and I've yet to find a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Ring to summon a passing ship, well, I'm likely going to have to wait for them to come to me. ;)

I did truly enjoy Carl Sagan, and had the privilege of hearing him speak [...]

I'm sure that's where Jodie Foster got the line, "If were the only ones out there, it [sure] would be a real waste of space!" (paraphrasing).

Then of course, sentience doesn't necessarily imply friendly, and that's a whole other can of worms. Heck, I still am bothered by dispatching insects ... just because I can't understand them, doesn't necessarily mean they aren't intelligent in their own right -- though I do sleep better at night thinking otherwise.

I've been fortunate (and possibly unfortunate) to interact in a limited capacity with dolphins in real life. There's a lot going on in there, and I've seen many different emotions. The sad part is not being in a position to give them what they want and to interact freely. Hence the problem with modern day aquariums.

As much as I love the dolphins, and years ago felt that if I could have that (a difficult yet achievable goal with the right resources) I'd be happy, but then of course, I begin to think of being able to communicate and having true, meaningful relationships. The dolphins would be wonderful, but wouldn't afford the full package -- and frankly, well, I just don't feel it for human beings.

Anyway, as to Alduin, it's sad that he stopped writing, [...] Perhaps he transitioned to another stage of his life? [...] though I love dolphins dearly, I certainly wouldn't want to be one full-time. ;)

Once again Dasher, I appreciate your sharing, and thank you for taking the time. I remain hopeful, mainly for being reunited with my loved ones -- I can even forgo the wonders and joys of being with furred, feathered, scaled, or what-have-you anthropomorphic creatures if I can continue on after my time here with all of those who are dear to me in a wonderful, beautiful, and fulfilling eternal, existence -- least ways, that's the main hope here.

Perhaps, in our travels, on this world or beyond, we'll meet, share a tale or two over a cold beverage, and look forward to the many secrets of the universe that have yet to shed their light upon us. Here's hoping for the happily-ever-after in this life, right?! :)

Yours,

Cet.

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Dasher :

I had taken you for younger but then I was judging it on how Alduin portrayed you. My bad. You are only 11 years younger than I. Indeed, the older and wiser we get, the more we realize we don't know. Yeah, reincarnation is only a benefit to us after we die and can have the higher level of understanding that being out of body gives us.

During meditation for depression, I 'learned' some things. One was how to use my mind for different things. One was healing, which is very tiring and not as miraculous as you would think but it does work in some things. Like bringing my father out of a coma. The other thing I 'saw' was a past life. I was a mountain lion at one time in about the late 1800s. Interesting but kind of disturbing too. It would explain my connection to cats however.

You are right in Carl Sagen being the source of the quote. How cool being able to meet him. My most famous meeting is Warren Buffet. We ate often at a restaurant he liked. Big whoop, eh?

I agree that keeping marine mammals in captivity is not right. To limit them to such small space and lack of stimulation is wrong. Haven't met or swam with any but it would be cool to do so. But as with animals of any sort, the lack of communication to learn them and have a meeting of minds would limit the depth of knowing them. A sad case I would find less fulfilling than if we could communicate freely. One can fall in like or even lust with their forms but one more truly loves with the mind.

Yes, it was sad to not see Alduin writing. Perhaps he has changed and grown away from furries? It happens, tho I have been one since childhood, before there was anything such as furry to identify with. I know about having ones fursona portrayed differently than you would do yourself. I have lent Dasher out to a couple writers for stories but only with certain provisions being followed. But as you say, it is up to the writer what they do.

I think we will meet our loves and family on the other side. I have been visited in dreams by them and even in waking life, so I know they go on. Heaven wouldn't be heaven if they were not there, right?

Maybe we will meet one day. Going to Anthrocon next year. Was there in 2012 and met some online SF friends. It was very nice to be able to do so. If you ever get the chance, I urge you to try. The whole con experience is very fun. Talking with them was one of the best parts of a very interesting time.

Warmly yours,

Dasher

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That was the end of our "conversation" that day. We had another discussing the benefits "canabidiol" when it was just emerging as an extract from hemp, long before the entire medical cannabis crazy seized the world by the "short and curly ones". ;) It was mostly "tech-talk" but once again, Dasher was most helpful in sharing his thoughts.

Our final exchange, in PMs -- not Comments that I would have to try to track down -- occurred 3 years ago on May 28th, 2018 ... I sent the following PM and his response, reading it back, now that he's someplace better, brings a tear to my eye, but sums up the person I knew as Dasher Cheetah over the years perfectly ...

My PM to Dasher, "When did it happen?" :

At what point did we become "official" SF Therapists? ;)

Just wonderin'. ;)

Cet.

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Dasher :

*chuckles* One of the pitfalls of being someone who cares, I guess.

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Well Dasher, wherever you are, I hope it's truly some place wonderful! I hope you are reunited with your loved ones, and those you hold dear, and that you are all in the best of health ... Happy, Fulfilled, and never again to be worried about illness, injury, and death.

I hope what so many of us view here as the end, with worry about what happens next, is indeed that last "Leap of Faith" that we are somehow greater than the sum of our parts, and (quoting Yoda), "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

I look forward to the day when we DO actually, FINALLY meet, and have a good laugh or two about how seriously some of us took that part of the journey we were on, though I have a distinct feeling that you knew far more than you shared about what awaits us, and I'm thankful for having shared time and talk with you, albeit so briefly, here on SF.

If you run into my parents, my family, including the furred and feathered members, please hugs them all for me, and let them know that I love them dearly, and I'm doing my best, and that one day, I look forward to joining them, but for now, I try to live each day not only for myself, but for each and every one of them ... and my brother, I'll add you to that list as well and try to find joys as I continue my journey here, for you as well.

I'd say, take care, stay safe, and be well; but I imagine that's something only we who remain here must consider each day ... Know that you are cared for and fondly remembered by so many of us, and I'm certain that wherever you are, you're far safer and no longer troubled by the problems of mortals.

Missing you dearly ... Remembering you fondly ... Looking for your guidance ... Hoping for the BEST for you and all of us!

Yours Truly, -- Cet.