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Kaotic Beginnings: Chapter 3

Aardvark looked at dinosaur. Dinosaur looked at dinosaur. Dinosaur looked at aardvark. They all looked at The Dragon. "M-Military?" Anar said, trying not to choke on the word, "you're running a military organisation?" Distressing images of past school PE lessons flashed past in his mind; he had never been a big fan of exertion in any sense, never mind physical. The flight of steps leading up to the old apartment in the High Rise Tower Block they called home in Purgatory had been the most exercise he'd had in the last ten years easy. Playing soldiers was not what he wanted at all!

Still their new found friend - prospective employer - sat with his hands folded on the table and that faint smile on his face, "of course," he said breezily, "the military is in your blood. I knew your distant ancestor, General Warlock."

Anar's face was a picture, "you knew him? Really?" today just got stranger and stranger.

Rave caught up with recent events, "the dude who got stabbed with the pointy thingy? In your book?" he asked, leaning to Anar.

The Dragon nodded. "He was a great man." He pointed a slender digit to the ex-demon, "I believe you could be a great man, too."

Rave blew air through his lips and Rap gave him a nudge for his rudeness.

"There's only one way to find out though, isn't there?" the scaly creature continued, "and you don't have too many other options right now."

"I'm a pacifist myself," Rap frowned, "as much as I don't want to cause a fuss."

"I'm not," Rave grinned, showing his rows of razor-sharp teeth, "I'm up for it. Always spoiling for a fight, me."

Light glanced off sunglasses and the long head swung slowly to look at the big green raptor, "marvellous. You're going to have a riot, just you wait and see what I've got in store for you."

Anar blinked slowly. He still felt odd, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was like navigating through a dream. Things were happening, and he was participating in them, but that sense of free will was gone. As though he were being led down a path of no return.

Dragons! And this one knew his distant ancestor too. General Warlock would laugh his socks off if he could see Anar now; he was still in his old black, collared minion robe, black Adidas tracksuit beneath, finished with his favourite Nike trainers. Ready to ambush the latest releases at Blockbuster Video and that was about it. Beating up Alexis back in the office had been a breeze, he was only armed with a biro! What was he going to have to use on this oddball planet? A sword? He'd probably inflict fatal wounds upon himself before the enemy had chance to swing at him. "Who's in charge of this military thingy?" he asked, curiously, "I mean I know you said you're running it but... you don't look like an army commander or anything."

The Dragon continued to look straight at him, beaming.

"Of course it's Big Ears!" Rave declared darkly, "isn't it? Two apex predators sitting here, claws and jaws but nooooo it's the wimpy mammal who gets to boss everyone about."

"It is indeed the, er, wimpy mammal," The Dragon nodded with clear amusement.

"Wimpy?!" Anar screeched. Curious heads turned from the surrounding tables to frown disapprovingly at the unwelcome disturbance to their quiet drinking and he lowered his ears and his voice, "cheeky lizard! I could clonk you one..."

Scraping his chair back, the big mythical animal stood up and straightened his black leather jacket out, "come with me. Before you cause a scene."

Rap hissed at them to behave themselves, and Anar and Rave had the decency to look a little sheepish. They made their way back outside into the dusty street, the inn sign creaking in the breeze above them. The Dragon held out a smooth scaled hand toward them, offering it, "let me show you your new home," he said softly, "just reach out to me-"

After a hesitant moment, and a glance and nod to show they were all in on this crazy journey, they did as he asked. There was a momentary sensation of falling and then sand wafted around them as they found themselves in the middle of a vast, flat, hot sandy desert.

"I ain't living here!" Rave immediately complained, predictably.

The Dragon clarified, hurriedly, "The Lowlands is susceptible to sand-storms but I assure you there is a habitable building here. It's rather basic at the moment, but that's where you come in, follow me..." he turned and a large glass double-door that had been obscured before slid open before them and they stepped into a large airy reception area. There was a desk, a chair, a possibly plastic potted plant, and a large window facing out into the empty expanse. "See? And if we go through this corridor here..." he turned at the long-leaved, flowering, could-be-pretend foliage and headed down a corridor that was painted a very deep shade of green. They followed and exited into a circular room containing numerous large flat-panel screens hanging down from the ceiling, a purpose built (fantastically long) curved, polished wood desk that stretched around most of the room with big sturdy chairs facing towards the middle. They were placed to look towards a massive steel slab taking up a large chunk of space in the very centre of the room. A big rectangular lump of stainless steel that Anar had seen somewhere before.

"This is the War Room," their jacketed guide announced, spreading his arms and spinning round merrily. "A work in progress as you can see. You've no doubt noticed that things are a little rustic in these parts. All that will soon change, you mark my words. In no time at all, these screens will be lit up with newsfeeds from around the world. Maybe other worlds too!"

Rave nodded with a deliberate cough, "all right, time out here," he tapped at his upright hand in a 'T' sign. "We're in the middle of nowhere, right, coming fresh from a village full of misfits out of The Hobbit book that I never bothered to read, and now we're in a conference room with what looks worryingly like schoolwork set out for us," he tilted his head to the pile of notebooks and pens. They were set out at the end of the curved desk next to an interactive whiteboard. "I just wanna know where I'm sleeping and where the food is!"

"He's got a point," Rap agreed, "I'm starving. We never did get dinner..."

The dragon rustled his wings excitedly, "we've got a huge cafeteria! All mod cons. Your sleeping quarters are ready and waiting for you afterwards."

"Is there anyone else here?" Anar asked, noting how pristine and unused everything looked and how deathly silent it all was.

"Not yet!" came the swift answer, "we've got a lot to work on until we're up and running. We need a name, we need a logo, uniform designs, catchy slogan, we need a whole recruitment department set-up, we need to acquire transport and weapons..."

"That's a lot of needs!" Rap commented.

"That's a lot of expense too," Anar muttered.

The Dragon scoffed, "don't worry about that! I can obtain absolutely anything and everything that you can ask for. Did you know there's a planet out there where it rains diamonds? I've cashed in more shiny stones than you've had hot dinners. I've got more zeroes in more bank accounts across the galaxies than I know what to do with. I'm rather excited to set up this little venture, truth be told. I tell you what, why don't you have some down time in your shiny new quarters and have a bite to eat, and we can meet back here in the morning to crack on with organising our new army, hmm?"

Anar's gaze drifted back to the metal block sitting on the floor. There was always something to remind him of his past, no matter where he ended up or who he met. First it was his old co-worker Crispin - with his Draconish translation of the excerpt from The Book of Warlock. He'd read it to him while he was in the Underworld working for Hell Afterlife Services. Now it was a mysterious magical lizard who looked like The Fonz from Happy Days who possessed a curious object identical to the one back in Warlock Court, it even had the button-laden console right next to it. He'd stumbled upon it in his family's ancestral home in the English countryside and now here it was again - placed in what was going to be a military base on a world with two suns.

Rap and Rave left their mammalian friend to his whimsical daydreams and agreed to The Dragon's suggestion on his behalf. Food and sleep. It had been quite a day! Going from a quiet life tucked away in an abandoned wasteland, in a derelict building that got struck by lightning every night, where the most difficult choice they had to make was what to put with chips for tea, to being whisked away to a scorching desert on a planet at the backend of the Milky Way.

The Dragon gave them directions for the few other constructed areas that were accessible to them and Rave yoinked the 'still deep in thought and memories' Anar out of the room with suggestions of coffee.

The cafeteria was indeed huge as promised. 'Mess Hall', thought Anar, 'that's what it's meant to be called'. The Dragon didn't appear to be in the slightest bit knowledgeable about army stuff. Unfortunately, neither was he really. He'd seen a few episodes of M.A.S.H. on telly and he'd seen Apocalypse Now - well the last hour of it anyway. Armies, huh? There was a lot of shouting and wearing green and brown. Salutes. Stamping. Running and jumping...

"It's very nice," Rap said with an air of disappointment, "but there's not actually anyone here to cook us anything."

They looked at Anar expectantly. He reached into The Bag and pulled out some Pot Noodles, "point me to a kettle. I guess the first person we employ is going to be a cook!"

There was a large black shiny coffee machine hulking in the corner of the room and his first thought was back to the behemoth of a photocopier that he'd left behind on Floor Twenty Two in Hell. He approached it with the same reticence. It would have a hot water dispenser. It would also have an attitude - all 'smart' gadgets did for him. He must have done something awful to a Commodore 64 in a past life and technology had never forgiven him...

There was a square brightly lit screen at eye level containing text that was scrolling along merrily, situated above an array of various buttons placed next to a dispensing hole with nozzle and drip tray. It looked innocent enough. They always did. He pressed 'Start'.

**Welcome!**

**In order to deliver you the finest, high-quality beverage please select from the following options:

1: Coffee

2: Tea

3: Milk

4: Water

**

He ripped the lid from a noodle pot and jabbed '4'.

**Excellent choice!**

**In order to deliver you the finest, high-quality beverage please select from the following options:

1: Hot - Not boiling

2: Hot - Boiling

3: Cold - No ice

4: Cold - Ice

**

He placed the instant food item on the drip tray and hit '2'.

**Thank You!**

**Your coffee is now being dispensed!**

Brown liquid ran out and Anar hastily grabbed the pot back and swore. He should have expected that!

A smiley face appeared on the screen and he flipped it the bird. "Now look here you, I've dealt with a Ferrari that had a chip on its shoulder big enough to make a sandwich, and that was a motorised vehicle capable of doing nought to sixty in six seconds. You mate are going to get a kink in your tubes if you mess with me. Am I clear?"

**We are sorry your beverage did not meet the high standards expected. Please try again**

"What's taking so long, Big ears?" Came the predictable comment from Rave.

"It's coming, all right?"

"Yeah, so's Christmas..."

Anar shook his head. That bloody dinosaur! He'd make sure to give him a tough job, like a training position - give the soldiers a trial by fire! New recruits would wet themselves and go running home to mummy if they weren't made of the right stuff. Also, if he put Rave far, far away from him then that would just be marvellous. The other end of the compound, perhaps? When it was built. So much to do.

He went through the coffee machine's menu again and this time drew the cricket bat out of The Bag and tapped it into his palm menacingly. If it was good enough to knock the thieving, scheming demon known as Frank Matlock out then it was good enough to put a dent in this bulky bugger of a drinks dispenser.

Three Chicken and Mushroom flavour Pot Noodles were successfully resurrected from dust into semi-edible substances and he placed the sports equipment back in The Bag with a nod. "Better"

**Thank you for your order!**

**Have a nice day!**

He promptly plonked them down on the white dinner table they had chosen at the top of the room. It had been situated apart from the rest with a nice tablecloth, and so obviously it was the best table and it would be theirs from now on, because there were perks to being in charge, weren't there?

"I thought we were going to leave these days behind us," Rave grumbled (but not too loudly as he was actually hungry and would like to eat his food and not wear it) as he shovelled hot saucy noodles into his narrow maw.

"Everything in time," Rap soothed philosophically, "Rome wasn't built in a day."

"True. And them buggers actually knew what they were doing too. Here, Anar, if we're gonna be playing soldiers... can... can I have one of those big sticks that the Sergeant-Majors carry around? Please?"

Anar regarded his already-dangerous so-called 'friend' over the steam from his not-quite dinner and his gaze softened. Rave almost - almost looked sweet with his big narrow-slitted eyes batting back at him pleadingly. "Yeah, should be all right, I suppose..." he mumbled.

"fuck yeah!" the big raptor grinned, brightly.

'If he gets his stick', Anar thought to himself wryly, 'maybe he'll agree to wearing a uniform? Because that's going to be an interesting conversation'.

The two suns moved through the sky, casting shadows through the new, clean windows.