FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

In the depths of space, one would have seen the flash of lasers tearing across the stars from two silver ships that glimmered beneath the sun, zipping past like mosquitoes with sharp V-wings and blue tips above a slanting opaque cockpit. Hunting on the prowl as they skirted round the moons, the pilots searched for their prey with scanners on wide beam.

"Anything yet?"

"Nah, this is turning to a wild goose chase."

"He has to be here, the reports said so-"

"Well maybe the reports got it wrong!"

"Rob's never wrong, you know that well as I do."

Unknown to them, a crimson vessel similar theirs was lining up its shot, its wings more splayed outwards like a spider about to leap. It would have been a direct hit, if not for one of them seeing the telltale glare from the curve of the moon behind them.

"FOX HE'S HERE!"

The laser shrieked between the ships as they suddenly parted, turning fast in an upwards dive to corkscrew back the way and stare down at the scarlet fiend.

"Well well, you found me."

The face of their enemy blinked on their video-communicator.

"You know a cornered wolf is at his most dangerous."

"We know what you have," said the first pilot with youthful voice, "all we want is you to give it back."

"And if I don't?"

"Then we blast your other eye out into space!" said pilot two with snapping beak.

"You know I never back down from a challenge Fox. So if you're gonna shoot...you better not miss."

Their hands gripped on the thrusters, clenching their jaws with fingers looming over the trigger. Silence through the cosmos as the stars held their breath for the shootout. The red ship fired first, the first silver shot back before they broke formation and the grey ships chased him down when their enemy carved a large sweeping arc and headed for the sun, trying to blind the two hunters and coming in from the light to shoot down upon them.

The younger pilot wasn't fooled and quickly made a second arc, his partner taking on the red piercing glare of the celestial orb with eyes slitted as he watched for the shadow. Despite the crimson ship blending in well as it turned towards him, he managed to fire off and clip the cockpit before their opponent scored a lucky hit smashing through the wing.

"AAGH, SHOOT I'M CRIPPLED!"

"Dumb bird," their enemy chuckled, "you think you can outblink the sun?"

"Heh, nah, but I can distract ya."

"What?!"

He had not seen where the other fighter went until too late, the first pilot coming from behind to blast up his thruster and punch a hole through his engine, sending a small explosion beneath him that sent the scarlet ship spinning fast towards the abyss.

"Falco, tow him!"

"I'm trying, that jerkwad took out my steering!"

Pilot two struggled to turn his ship around and line himself up towards the red vessel, a hard scraping tear of his broken wing causing him to shoot an energy cable too late and miss the target. Pilot one went ahead lining himself up to send his own, but much to his shock the fiend shot his booster and spun just out of reach.

"HEY, what are you doing?!"

"You think I'll let a fox catch me?" their enemy sneered. "You want me and this cargo, you'll have to come over and get it yourself."

"Don't be an idiot, you want to drift in space forever?!"

"Wouldn't you?"

Despite these words he chased after him, the silver ships trying to hit him with their plasma tow but their target making things worse with controlled thrusts that made his vessel spin faster, hurtling across the stars like a bullet gone astray. With growing frustration they were too slow to notice the subtle twist of gravitation that pulled them towards a darker reach of the galaxy.

Finally one of the cables managed to hit the back of the red ship, catching its bar as the silver vessel pulled itself back to try and turn. Then they realised, the meters creeping up to show a flux in space.

"Uhhhh, Fox?!"

"It's fine, just dump auxiliary into the engine!"

"But if we do that the cable'll break!"

"Ohhh dear," the red ship's pilot grinned, "looks like you'll have to make a choice, your money or your life, hah!"

"SHUT UP, you're gonna get sucked in there too!"

"Will I? Or am I just biding my time?"

He knew that all he needed was the pilot who grabbed him to just release. He wasn't stupid enough to risk his life over a bounty, Fox wasn't the sort of type to do that. But then the minutes started to creep, the auxiliary wasn't strong enough, and slowly but surely his face started to sweat through his fur.

"Fox?"

"I'm trying!"

"FOX, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"THE FLUX IS PICKING UP, I CAN'T SHAKE IT, FALCO I NEED DRIFT!"

"I CAN'T!" shouted Falco. "The wing's all seizing up thanks to wolfboy over there!"

"Shoulda dodged like a better pilot!" shouted the red ship.

"YOU WANT ANOTHER SHOT UP YER VENT?!"

"GUYS, ENOUGH, WOLF HELP US OUT!"

"...I wish."

He closed his eye and pressed a finger to his head.

"This...this is it...heh. Who woulda thought I'd end it like this?"

Their ships slowly veered towards a deep pocket of space, a swirling mass almost invisible to see but similar to that of a black hole that consumed the stars around it. Light disappeared within its gaping maw as Falco violently kicked his ship to almost tear the lever in full thrust. Fox kept trying to boost his auxiliary but he only managed the smallest of boosts that were soon ripped from his vessel by the oncoming darkness. And their target sat back in his chair and looked back to the small box in his cargo.

"Guess this is one haul I'm not gonna cash in."

He popped open a compartment, a bottle of whisky with a small glass that he poured for himself and took one last drink before the end. Fox and Falco stared at the abyss. And it too would stare back, before their senses were devoured, their minds crushed by the infinite darkness and if one of them even dared to scream, their voices would be stolen. Three ships disappeared from the Lylat system, without a single sound of farewell.

=============

Fox opened his eyes, somewhat relieved that he could. He grabbed his chest, felt along the threads of his comfy pilot suit to check everything was still there, wallet, compass, gun. His heart clenched with a burning pain, his legs felt weak as he stared towards the hills, rolling carpet green that sat above a clear blue sky running underneath.

"Did I...did I land someplace?"

He stared up to find that his small ship had crashed near a forest, landing upside-down as he tapped a few buttons to check the atmosphere. It was a perfect 17 degrees Celsius, with oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere and a soft breeze from the west.

Stepping out of the ship, or rather falling out with a thunk that made his chest heave, was an anthrophomorphic fox with orange fur and white chin. His tail swished behind him as thick as a feather duster as he surveyed the environs, a grassland of temperate shrubs and small mountains peeking in the distance that for a moment, he swore had eyes of beady black staring at him.

"Falco?!" He brought up a screen on his wrist and tapped it clear. "Falco, do you copy?! I've landed safe, somehow, do you read?!"

No response. His brow furrowed with fear as he locked his ship with a few taps from the bracelet on his arm, which in turn activated its cloaking device to make it look like a basic pile of rocks. He heard the trilling of birds which relieved him, but he wondered if there was sapient life as he activated his map-function and it started to fill from the world around him.

Walking towards a forest that laid on a path beside him, the pilot straightened his jacket and headed through the trees, soft deciduous leaves that caught the light from the sun in a beautiful shower across his face. Creatures skittered underfoot, his hand sliding towards his gun as he noted the path had been well-worn with stone foundation, implying a basic level of infrastructure.

"Hello?!" A voice called out. "Are you alright?!"

"Who's there?" Fox asked looking around him.

"Did something crash over there?"

"Yes, my ship."

"Wow! I nearly dropped my spores when you slam-dunked into the plain I could see the smoke from here!"

"I'm sorry for startling you," said Fox still walking, "have you seen anyone else flying past?"

"Nope, just you, over here!"

He looked through a gap in the trees as something came lumbering through. A short squat creature with a green vest and stubby feet without legs, the stranger had a face without a snout that surprised Fox for having no fur nor scales. Only a large mushroom-shaped hat with blue spots covering its top.

"Haha, hey nice costume!" he pointed a pudgy hand at him. "What're you supposed to be?!"

"I'm a pilot," said him offering his hand, "Fox McCloud, nice to meet you."

"I'm Stum T., nice to meetcha too!" the fungus shook back. "So, I get you flying the ship, but why the costume?"

"This is my suit, it helps me handle flying."

"No no, like...that." He gestured to Fox's face and tail. "What you lose a bet or something?"

"Uhh this isn't...yes." Fox nodded carefully. "I did lose a bet, and I have to find my friends who ALSO lost their bets, have you seen anyone else flying past?"

"Nope, just you, but if you want I can point you towards the nearest town."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that."

Taking him through the forest, Stum T. kept on the path and also briefly showed Fox his house, a quiet little cottage in the middle of the woods with rosy stone walls and a soft-smoking chimney.

"I don't normally get visitors so, sorry I can't really offer much."

"It's fine," Fox waved his hand, "I won't take more of your time you can just show me which way's the town."

"Is your ship gonna be alright?" Stum T. pointed back the way.

"I can't move it, but I covered it up with something so no one's going to go near it."

"Alrighty...gotta say I never saw a ship like that before, normally airships are made outta wood so when I saw it shooting out the sky I almost thought aliens had landed!"

"Hahah, sorry to disappoint," McCloud grinned rubbing his cheek, "it's just a prototype that had a hiccup, I just need to find my friends."

"Glad you're not hurt," the fungus grinned walking on, "it sounded real bad when you crashed."

"I should tell you that you weren't meant to see my ship, secret ops you understand, so you shouldn't tell anyone about it until I get back to my superiors."

"O-oh...oooh do I get to sign some secret kingdom stuff?"

"Mmhmm," Fox lied with a knowing nod, "you'll be rewarded for your silence, nothing big, it's just a prototype, but we would appreciate if you kept it under your hat."

"You got it Mr. McCloud!" the mushroom gave a salute. "And the town is over THAT way, just keep heading on the path and don't stop."

"Thank you Stum T.," Fox saluted back, "we appreciate your service."

"Nooo problem, my lips be zipped so you take care, hope ya find yer friends!"

Waving him off, the pilot ventured out into the grasslands with a sigh of relief, checking his wrist for the map that kept filling in nearby areas with noted landmarks. The town was one of them, a sprawling market settlement with stone walls painted butter yellow, cobbled stones lining the small streets and flower gardens arranged in circular rings.

More of the shroom-headed denizens were walking about in various jackets with various spots, but Fox also noted a few other creatures wandering through the plaza with its grand fountain surrounded by many quaint shops from tailors to ice cream parlours to general goods. Yellow turtles walking upright, small hooded robes with white masks and even walking lumps of clay with resting frowns in toothy maws.

"Huh, second one today," muttered one turtle.

"Yeah there must be some kinda party," said a lump, "I didn't miss anything did I, I can't read the community boards if they put 'em way high up-"

"I'd tell you if you did Goombert don't worry."

"Excuse me," Fox approached slightly bending down, "did you say I was the second one to come through?"

"Yeah," the turtle waved, "I'm Koopson and this is Goombert, you looking for your party friend?"

"Uhhh, maybe can you describe him?"

"Looked like a giant bird, blue feathers, same suit as yours, kept shouting that we weren't his buddies-"

"Yep that's him," the pilot nodded chuckling, "you know where he went?"

"He went that way," said Goombert pointing with his foot, "what kinda party you guys having?"

"It's a conference, for a company."

"THAT'S why we didn't hear about it," Koopson clicked his fingers, "alright mystery solved, hope ya find yer friend-wait WOAH!"

The sound of screams suddenly tore through the sky as darkness descended with a shockwave that split the clouds and caused the earth to shake. Citizens stumbled and fell as McCloud looked up to see the clear blue turn to a violet storm.

"What the heck's going on?!"

"I-i don't know!" Koopson cried. "Is this part of the party?!"

"No, not ever!"

"Okay well I'm heading straight back inside Goombert?!"

Goombert had already left and Koopson turned to see the door to the house close behind him.

"HEY D-DUDE!"

"SORRY I LEFT THE OVEN BURNING!"

"It's MY OVEN you know that Bert!"

People started running to their homes as Fox turned to the town square, searching for his other friend the bird. Children were grabbed by mothers, partners spun themselves away behind locked doors as he saw something approach. A grand curtain of shimmering rainbow that surged like a tsunami as he dove under the porch of the local tavern.

The storm would pass, a crackling boom in his ears as he covered his head expecting a ferocious bombardment. But all that came was a sweeping of colours past his vision, and something falling upon him by the hundreds of thousands in small puffy pockets.

"...what, the heck?"

Standing up there was no wood nor stone above him. All around him, every single house including the tavern, had been turned into piles of popcorn. Thousands and thousands of popcorn pieces scattering on the wind like flowering petals, with the people of the town staring confused and upset in empty spaces.

"...my oven." Koopson fell to his knees. "My oven...my grandma's sister's best friend's babysitter's oven, IT'S GOOOOOONE!"

A heavy sobbing befell him as Fox brushed off the popcorn from his jacket. The folks of the town stumbled confused and dismayed without their houses and furniture, but one person stood out like a sore thumb.

"FOX!"

A bird in the same jacket as him marched over from the remnants of the tavern. His sharp eyes were circled with red feathers marked out from his blue plumage, his hands halfway between fingers and wings that he threw out in shock.

"What the hell happened?!"

"I don't know, I just got here, are you alright?!"

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Falco slapped him on the shoulder, "I walked for four days cuz I crash in the freaking desert, I conk out on a bed here an' then YOU show up right when everything turned to popcorn?!"

"Wait...four days?" Fox shook his head. "That can't be right I just got out the arwing."

"What you take a space-nap?!"

"No I just...I just woke up like today."

Falco stared at the pilot's forehead and jabbed him on the noggin.

"You feeling woozy?"

"No but I'd rather you stop that."

"Heh...well long as you can walk and shoot. Jeez."

They looked around the chaos of delicious salt and butter.

"I get the feeling this ain't normal, even for them."

"Did you see where Wolf went?" McCloud looked to him. "You said you landed in a desert?"

"Yeah, but I dunno if we're allowed to go walking all over."

"Oh that's not the problem!"

A short red cloak in a mask of constant surprise stared up at them whilst sweeping the corn.

"The problem is whoever caused this magic to go crazy!"

"Magic?" Falco snorted crossing his wings. "Kid, I think you got bigger problems-"

"I'm thirty-seven, THANK you," he jabbed with his broom, "anyways are you two engineers or something?"

"We're pilots," Fox nodded, "does this...sort of thing happen often?"

"Nope, I mean there's certainly been strange things but never turning your whole town into popcorn, that one's new."

"You don't seem...that, upset."

"Well, I used to work in Bowser's Kingdom, seen quite a lot of strange stuff!"

"Kingdom?"

"What like, a monarchy?" Falco squinted.

"Well, yes," the masked sweeper shrugged, "who else would it be, course it's nice living in the Mushroom Kingdom but also quite a lot more boring. So I'm more used to say, buildings suddenly collapsing from some magical force majeure than say, most of the toads round here."

"This Bowser guy call the shots? You think he knows anything about this?"

"Oh yes I'd imagine so!"

"Can you point us to where his kingdom is?" Fox asked trying not bend down. "We're looking for someone and we think he might have gone there."

"Wow, you're not very good pilots if you have to ask."

"HOW 'BOUT YOU-"

"Just, humour us," Fox put a hand in front of Falco before he could reach, "our ships crashed pretty bad and we've lost our sense of direction."

"Oh well that's fair," the broomkeeper nodded, "first you head through the desert, that's about eastwards over there, then you reach the ocean, you find yourself a boat and...tell you what, I'll draw you a map."

"Oh that would help, thanks!"

"Well, I would, if all the paper in this town hadn't been turned into popcorn."

"So, what about your broom?"

"Oh this, I stole it." He waved it at them with a cheeky waggle. "It's magical actually, one of the magikoopas had this and I just...well, no one needed it, don't know the first thing how to make it fly but it's a ruddy good broom for sweeping!"

"Ahaaaah okay, thanks for your help," Fox rubbed his neck, "so the desert you said?"

"Desert, ocean, mountain range, sky tower, ice land, pipe world and then there's the Bowser Kingdom."

"Got it, thanks. Good luck with your...sweeping."

"Thank you, good luck finding your friend!"

The little thief waved them off as they checked their compass, tracking east as Falco took the lead pointing back the way he came as they travelled through the grassy plains. The path was meandering and pleasant, as they saw other things had been turned into popcorn along the way mostly in the form of signposts and fences.

"So this place is already freaking weird," said the bird.

"At least the locals are friendly," said the fox, "course...we did go through a black hole and ended up in some other world."

"Yeah...huh. Took me a day or two to figure I wasn't dead."

"I didn't know you were spiritual."

"Shut up you know what I meant...so four days huh?"

"I must've been hurt really bad," he rubbed his chest, "feel kinda tight here so the auto-doc must've triggered."

"So Slippy WAS good for something installing those!"

"Falco come on, he makes our stuff work."

"Oh what he's not here!" he batted the air. "Look, I'll give him a gift basket when we get back."

"I'm holding you to that, we also have to find Wolf. We'll go to the kingdom, alert the authorities about him and his cargo, then hopefully find a way back."

"Yeah, IF we find a way back."

The fox grabbed Falco's shoulder and stepped in front of him.

"We'll find a way back."

"I'm just being real with ya Fox, we fell through a black hole, nobody's ever come back-"

"This is a world with living people. That means it's on a planet, there is a galaxy above us, we just have to figure out which one it is."

"What if it's some OTHER galaxy in some other dimension?!"

He stopped to look at the bird, staring hard until Falco averted his eyes and gave a heavy sigh as they walked onwards. The popcorn-infested plains started to peter out, with some of the mountains and hills even exploding into salty-butter volcanoes that rained upon their heads as they took shelter under trees to avoid being smothered.

Soon they found the desert, a golden expanse that shone beneath the sun as their boots sank softly into the sand. Palm trees swayed gently beside the path that had been laid out in a winding stretch, like a serpent pale through the dunes slithering away to large pyramids off in the distance. In the distance they saw living cacti, shuffling across the sands with charming little faces and flowering tips, the sweltering heat starting to thicken on their scalps.

"My ship's over that way," Falco pointed northeast, "saw like one town before I got to that place back there."

"You didn't hit the pyramids did you?" Fox smirked.

"Are you STILL bringing that up, I told you my G-diffuser was screwed!"

"Hahaha, hey I have to ask, it was all good on Katina cuz they're pals but here, we might start an intergalactic incident."

"I landed perfect," the bird crossed his arms, "pitched my yaw good enough to land real smooth beside a river."

"Oh there's water here? Good, we might need refills-"

He stopped with their hands to their guns as something approached. An odd flying machine the size of their heads, resembling a small pot with the white face of a clown painted on its front with orange eyes and lips. Popping out came a TV screen that showed an even more bizarre sight.

"ATTENTION, intruders!"

"What the-who the hell are you?!"

"You're in the New Kingdom of Bowser, who are you?!"

On the screen was a small pudgy reptilian boy, wearing a crown of studded gems too big for his head whilst sitting on a throne. With honeyed scales and a stubbly shell on his back, Fox's eyes were drawn towards the staff that he held, upon which a powerful-looking ornament was so blinding in its sheen that it glowed up half the screen.

"I'm the ruler of this land," said the child with impish glee, "KING Bowser the Second, now tell me who you are or I'll have you in the dungeon!

"Hey, there's no need for that." Fox jabbed a finger at the screen. "My name is Fox McCloud, I'm the captain of Star Fox and this is my partner Falco Lombardi. We're travellers from the stars, we crash-landed after falling through a black hole and we're chasing after a felon-"

"Woah, you guys are ALIENS?!" He bounced kicking his little feet. "You got any cool stuff?!"

"We can discuss that later, right now we are chasing a felon, he's landed here too and has stolen precious cargo."

"Cargo, PFFT that sounds boring!" the king waved his staff. "I want STUFF, cool things, whaddaya got?!"

"What YOU want a gift basket too?!" Falco stomped sneering at him. "We're hunting down a criminal, we got no time for games!"

"SHUT YER BEAK!" the young majesty snapped with his staff swinging across. "You better respect me, I'm the KING!"

"Oh yeah, prove it! Whatcha gonna do, send out yer babysitter?!"

"Nah...how about a desert, WITH DESSERT!?"

Waving his staff in the air a surge of magic crackled through the air as a rumbling shudder came from within the screen. Then they heard it above their heads, as the sky darkened once again with a vicious spark that struck the largest pyramid like a tesla coil. Then it started to erupt like an oil well, the fountain of gold surging to a tremendous wave that swarmed across the sand.

"Wha-...WHAT?!"

"FALCO, BOOST JUMP ON THREE!"

"RIGHT!"

They clicked their boots together and locked their legs, bracing with a sudden heat that fumed under their heels, the sound of a thruster burning hard against the scorching sand as they faced the roaring tsunami. Just before its shadow fell across their faces, they blasted off into the sky with their ignition boots that skimmed over the furious tide before they started running over the top of it.

The cresting bow of the wave caused them to slide down its back with sparking blue flames beneath their feet, almost surfing on the tides as they grabbed for a nearby palm tree and swung round its trunk to avoid the second wave. The desert was consumed by an ocean as they dodged between the surging tides, boost-jumping off of trees and jumping from cragged rocks to start sprinting across the sea.

"J-JEEZ, WHAT'S UP WITH THIS PLACE?!"

"DON'T TALK, JUST JUMP!"

"HEY, MY ARWING, I-IT'S GETTING AWAY!"

Sure enough Falco's ship was tumbling away in the tsunami, rolling through the waves like flotsam before it crunched into a rift that split the land, a crackling canyon that split through the desert as its wings were crippled further.

"AWWW C-COME ON NOT MY BABY!"

"JUST, MOVE!"

Fox grabbed the bird's jacket as they kept running, pounding their boots into each cresting wave as they hopped from one to the other with short controlled bursts of their jetboots like skipping stones across the stream. The monitor followed them with the king cackling at their faces, pointing and laughing from his throne as they saw the town in the desert being swept away in turn, houses bobbing like lentils in soup.

"HEY, YOU WANT SOMETHING?!"

"HUH?!"

Fox turned his head mid-run to see a mushroom-head riding the wave on a carpet full of trinkets.

"I GOT GOOD STUFF, YOU LOOKIN' FOR SOMETHING?!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Falco shouted sprinting. "WE'RE IN A FREAKIN' SANDSTORM!"

"BUSINESS NEVER STOPS BOYS, NOW WHAT'RE YA BUYING?!"

"HOW ABOUT SOMETHING TO STOP THIS FLOOD?!" Fox cried back.

"I GOT A NOVELTY CORK!" the vendor shouted back. "YOU COULD STOP THE FLOW WITH THAT!"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE?!" the bird shrieked.

"IT WAS ON SALE FROM THE MARIO KART RACE, NAME YOUR PRICE!"

"UGH, FINE!" he pulled out several coins and tossed it over to the toad. "HAND IT OVER!"

"WISH I COULD!" the carpet-rider pointed to a tall tree. "IT'S RIGHT OVER THERE, GOOD LUCK!"

"HE-HEYYY!"

The tidal wave swept the toad away as he waved them back, Falco shaking his fist at him before he turned to see Fox already hopping over to where a giant cork sat nestled in the fronds of a giant palm tree that stood alone against the sea. Launching himself with a hard boost, McCloud leapt for the hanging leaves and swung his body up, kicking against the trunk to reach the top as he grabbed the huge cork the size of his own body.

"Alright, FALCO I NEED YOU!"

"WELL DUH, WHO ELSE IS GONNA SAVE YOUR HIDE!?"

Lombardi joined him on the canopy of the palm tree, staring towards the golden geyser as the hot flecks of flaxen water sprayed past their faces. Then they smelt something oddly sweet, sugary and delicious as Fox tasted the strange liquid.

"It...this is custard."

"Wait what?!"

"Seriously, taste it, it's custard!"

Falco did so with a cringe of surprise.

"What, that...that ain't possible, it's a freaking pyramid just shootin' it all out!"

"I KNOW, but we have to stop it, I need you to boost me up!"

"Alright!"

He knew when Fox had a plan from the look in his eyes, and he knew in the past to always trust his plans no matter how crazy they sounded. Grabbing the vulpine's chest he lifted him up at the same time his thrusters activated, shooting up hard as he could to launch McCloud high above the churning custard catastrophe.

With a sudden burst he shot through the air in a tearing shriek, angling his boots forth towards the pyramid as he rode the syrup tsunami with the giant cork as his makeshift raft. Jumping from tide to wave, the pilot surfed and swerved through the monstrous bends before a giant sloping crash almost took him down until he breached the top of it in one mighty surge of cyan flames.

Landing on the side of the pyramid, he ran up the slope towards the peak avoiding the luscious lahar of runny custard on either side of him, his hard-grooved boots digging into the stone with pounding feet before he finally reached the summit. He slammed the cork in and jumped on its top, firmly wedged as the golden font would suddenly cease with a bulging tremble, a pressure that started to rise and cause the cork to quiver in excitement. Then it stopped. Fox took a moment to catch his breath.

"Wow, that was GREAT!"

The voice of the child king rang from his side as the clown-faced monitor floated up to him.

"That was like, an action movie, you just ran up the pyramid and SLAMMED it like a basketball!!"

"YOU!" The fox snapped towards him. "You almost killed us!"

"Nah-uh, you got up here didntcha?!"

"YOU FLOODED AN ENTIRE DESERT, ARE YOU INSANE?!"

"I'm a KING, an' don't you forget it!" the boy crowed with confident grin.

"I don't care, I don't know how you did this, but I am NOT here to play games with a brat!"

"I'M NOT A BRAT!" he shouted jumping off his throne. "Yer in MY kingdom now, that makes you MY plaything!"

"I am NOT anyone's plaything! I'm on a mission, and if you try to interfere, then I'll make you regret it!"

"Yer just a dumb furry rat, you don't tell me what to do!"

"If I have to march up to your castle and make you stop playing around then I will!"

"OH YEAH?!" Bowser the Second twisted his staff. "Then I dare ya! I DARE you to come up an' fight me!"

"Heh...you wanna bet?" The pilot spread his arms in open challenge. "Alright...I'll do it. If you won't help us, then we'll come to you and make you help us."

"Heheh, oh yeah this'll be fun! Alright, I'll put down some uhhh obstick calls fer you to get past. If you get past all of 'em, and get up to MY castle, AND beat me in a fight, then I'll help ya!"

"Fine, consider it done."

The clown-faced hoverpod opened up to show a gloved hand that he shook in turn before it retracted.

"I never had aliens before as playthings," said the younger Bowser.

"I'm not your plaything," he jabbed the screen, "I'm captain of the Star Fox team, I'm not your personal court jester."

"Hehehh, not yet you aren't!"

He waved his staff in the air with a bratty grin as Fox felt a sudden tingling in his body. His clothes fluttered by themselves with a sudden tightness as the fabric twisted hard and creaked with a groan like someone rubbing a balloon over his fur. With an explosion of colours crackling like crimplene, he found his jacket had been turned into a ridiculous outfit of red and yellow patches, with a headdress of jangly bells.

"Wha-HEY!"

"PFFFTHEEHEHEHEEHAHAHAHA!" the king shrieked with cackling fit rolling on his throne. "So much fer bein' a captain, CAPTAIN CLOWN!"

"STOP IT!" He shook with ringing bells. "I don't know how you're doing this but I demand you treat me with respect!"

"Nah, it's way funnier to do this, McClown!"

Falco suddenly burst out laughing a small distance away, causing Fox to fume as the bells shook even harder.

"You better be ready for our arrival, King Bowser."

"And you better get ready to have fun, cuz yanno what I do to toys that aren't fun?! They get SMASHED!"

The monitor clicked off and fluttered away up into the sky, Falco soon joining Fox on top of the pyramid making no effort at all to hide his grin.

"Don't," McCloud turned to him with a jingling, "just...don't."

"Snrrrk, s-sure, I won't...McClown-"

"I JUST SAID-"

"Oh come on that was hilarious, even if the kid's a stupid brat!

"Yeah, great, we land in a kingdom ruled by an underaged bully who's got some world-bending power."

"Hey you've handled royal brats before, this'll be a cinch!"

Falco slapped one of the bells to make it jangle with a smirk.

"Nice work on that custard, hate the stuff."

"Yeah you would," said McCloud walking down the slope, "you hate everything that's fun."

"Custard ain't fun!" Falco shouted. "It's gross, it's weird and ugh!"

"I loved it, every morning I had it in school!"

"Oh yeah cuz you were a pretty little schoolboy, I bet you pressed your own shirts every morning!"

"Because I had discipline, in the academy!"

"PFFFT!"

The more irate Fox became the more musical he sounded, the jostling of bells in his wake ringing clear as they walked to the end of the desert that was still consumed with tons of gallons of syrupy goo.

Despite the vast dunes and the pyramids spanning across the horizon, the desert was surprisingly painless for the remainder of the journey despite the thick gluey custard that splashed under their feet. Somehow they managed despite the heat turning the sand more sticky with each passing minute, the sickly stench of sugary treats now a burning miasma that clotted their nostrils and made them sneer all the way to the ocean.

Arriving at the shore, they sighed with relief at the balmy winds caressing the beach, the softer sands almost a relief as they sat themselves down beneath the shade of a tree to rest their legs. The islands beyond were picturesque, the waters of the sea a perfect cyan that mirrored the sky as they saw a fishing village nearby where colourful dinosaurs were searching the sea.

"Heh, bring back any memories?" Falco nudged him.

"Ehh...a little," Fox rolled his eyes, "I should go ask-"

"Wearing that?" he pointed at the jester suit. "You not taking it off?"

"I can't, it's fused to me!" he tried to pull at the costume but it barely budged. "It's really tight on me, I think it's some kind of bonding material."

"Or maaaagic," Falco said with airquotes, "seriously, I don't get this place?"

"Yeah, how come you had money to pay that guy?"

"Ohoho, you will not believe this but...actually, yeah, lemme show ya."

He stood up and walked over to an odd-looking sight. A small row of blocks hanging in the air, square cubes just hanging in the air without any support. Some were solid brick, whilst others were bright yellow lamps with question marks on each side that Falco suddenly punched from underneath. The block bounced against his fist as he punched it several times, as from its top shot out several coins before the block turned inert with a dull brown.

"What...what IS this place?" Fox shook his head with a jingle.

"They literally GROW money out of blocks!" Falco grinned holding several coins. "I dunno what their economy's like but this stuff is great!"

"Hold on, wait, are you sure that's free to take, what if that's somebody's supply?"

"I don't see their name on it, and it's not got a lock!"

"No no, I'm gonna ask."

Lombardi wanted to protest but seeing the jester suit said nothing as McCloud walked over to the village, straw and wood houses where dinosaurs played in a rainbow of colours with podgy snouts and thick boots.

"Excuse me, hello?"

A purple saurian was staring at the water with intense concentration. Fox waited patiently until she was done, her tongue shooting out like a lance to spear the water and grab a fish that she snatched in her hands.

"Wow, nice catch!"

"Heheh, thanks!" she grinned at him then reeled back from the outfit. "You uh, looking for a party champ?"

"No I...lost a bet," he shrugged defeated, "it's a long story."

"Hehehe, I bet, need something?"

"My friend saw those blocks over there where money comes out? That doesn't belong to anyone does it?"

"Uhhh, no?" the dinosaur squinted. "What you never seen a coin block before?"

"We're from...far away," Fox rubbed his arm, "sorry I wanted to make sure we weren't taking anyone's money."

"Awww you're sweet, I'm Yoshandra."

"Fox McCloud," they shook hands, "actually I was looking for a boat to cross over the sea-"

"OH my wife's got a boat, I'll let her know she's got a customer!"

"Great, thank you!"

"YOLENE! YO, YOLENE I GOT SOME CLIENTS!"

Whilst the fisher went back to her hut, Fox and Falco took in the sights of the locals that they learned were called yoshis. Fat little hatchlings waddled round them in excitement, trying to pull at their clothes and pestering them with questions that annoyed Falco, but Fox found an audience captivated by his bells as he took a moment to revel them with his bizarre tale that no one would believe. Soon they found themselves on a boat, a blue yoshi charting the waves with sail and oar as Fox and Falco tried to relax to the soft caress of the sea.

"So where you boys heading?" asked Yolene.

"We're heading for Bowser's castle," replied Fox, "we're on a mission to find a thief."

"A thief?! Dang, must be a problem if Bowser's involved."

"More than that," Falco snorted, "he's making us play his stupid game, turned the whole desert into freakin' custard!"

"Ahaha, okay okay the kids aren't around you can just tell me straight."

"We are!" Fox threw his hands. "The king threatened us because he's a child, and then dared us to come fight him if we wanted help!"

"Huh," the yoshi shook her head, "I mean Bowser's got his days but he doesn't usually do this, it's not invasion season-wait, wait you said he was a kid?"

"Yeah, we saw him on a monitor he had."

"Ohhhhh! Haha, nah that's not Bowser, that's his son Junior!"

"Wait, what?!" the bird squinted. "You tellin' me we were getting bossed around by some wannabe brat?!"

"I mean he's still the prince," Yolene shrugged

...well, if you're going to Bowser's place I can draw you a map."

"That would help, thank you."

"No problem, hope you guys find that thie-WOAH WHAT THE HECK?!"

"Awww sheesh what is it now?!"

Falco gripped the side of the boat as it rocked before the looming sky, darkening once again like a blanket of despair. The clouds turned from a serene white to a jagged rose as the ocean frothed with black fury, the lurching shudder of the yacht causing the yoshi to try and dig her oar deep and pump through the thickening waters.

The cry of gulls from overhead, small pudgy white bodies with thin white wings started to disappear in an instant, the shuddering of the waves forcing against the rudder as the dino saior kept churning and stabbing the tides with her thick oar. When the sky turned back to normal, they looked across the ocean to find it a much different view.

"Well," the yoshi pulled up her oar, "guess you were right about the custard."

Dripping on the edge of her paddle was thick rich chocolatey goodness. An entire ocean replaced with a tooth-rotting swill of luscious dark brown sugary liquid. Somehow the fish were still swimming through it easily, jumping over the waves before slapping down to burrow through the thick caramel slush.

"This is...insane," Fox shook his head, "he really is going to just, HOW does he have that much power?!"

"I wish I knew!" Yolene gasped. "Awww jeez well at least the fish are alright-"

"But HOW?!"

"I dunno, magic?! It's magic that caused this I guess it's got some standards!"

"You talkin' about STANDARDS?!" Falco snapped. "What does the magic staff come with a warranty, guaranteed not to cause economical disasters!?"

"Hey don't shout at me I dunno what this is!"

"Ugh...f-fine, sorry just...jeez." He slumped in his seat. "Can ya get us through this?"

"I'll try, but it'll be hard, never sailed through chocolate before even though I've always dreamed of this back when I was a kid."

The journey was long as the sailor trudged through the sea, churning mud against her oar as she tried to rely on the wind to see her through but it was clearly not enough to manage by itself. With the help of her passengers they took turns stroking the oar, churning the thick gloop as hard as they could.

One benefit was that the chocolate was delicious, the yoshi sneaking a few licks to find it was both rich and heavy. Falco and Fox eventually tried, though Falco ended up being grabbed by a white squid with black eyes that wrapped on his wing and crawled up his arm in excitement, the bird shrieking and punching it off of him before it shot his face with a jet of ink. Fox did not laugh, but his smile said everything as Lombardi fumed to himself.

"Alright so this took twice as long," said Yolene pointing to a buoy, "but we finally got to the midway point, now it's just going to take that much time to reach the other side."

"I'm sorry about this," said McCloud tapping his foot, "you want me to take over?"

"Sure, that'd be great." She let them switch in their seats as he went to paddle. "So where are you guys from anyway?"

"Far away," he started rowing against the tide, "we weren't planning to come here but we well, crashed somewhere in the grasslands."

"So now we gotta chase down this thief," said Lombardi crossing wings, "more than that, he's a felon!"

"Well it should be fine," the yoshi sighed rolling her arm, "Mario should be back soon enough to fix this."

"Mario?"

"You dunno who MARIO is?!"

"UHH, WE GOT TROUBLE!"

Fox pointed off the bow towards a rumbling surge in front of them, a boiling wroth that shook with a tempestuous rage causing the chocolate to spill and swish against the sides. A mountain suddenly rose from the water, rippling down the sides with rich brown sugar and a roaring lunge upon the raft.

"GET DOWN!"

Fox and Falco took up arms to shoot, firing laser blasts from their handguns surprising the monster with a sudden burn that chipped past its eye and caused it to spin falling to the side of the boat with a shivering groan. The waves crashed hard as Yolene took the paddle, rowing fast away from the body rolling in the chocolate sea as her passengers took up shooting stance.

"What the heck did you do?!" she cried.

"Stopped us from sinking that's what!" Falco shouted. "Keep the boat steady we got a big one to fry!"

Taking aim once more they watched the giant colossus surge towards the boat, parts of the chocolate storming around its base like a whirlpool of charybdian force. Lurching at the boat again, the foul creature reared back from the searing shots as Yolene rowed as hard as she could to try and evade it. Some of the chocolate began to peel off, crackling dry like old paint to reveal a white whale of a beast.

"What the heck, FOX GET DOWN!"

Swinging a huge length it went for their heads, barely missing the feathers off Falco as he clenched his fists seeing the beast lose more of its chocolate disguise, revealing itself to be a giant pale squid that glowered with venomous hate.

"HEY, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!"

"Iiii think you hit its kid!" Yolene cried. "That's a momma blooper right there and she is MIFFED!"

"THAT LITTLE PUNK SHOT ME IN THE EYE, ALRIGHT THAT'S IT!"

The bird stepped up to the grand octopus, arms spread with a flurrying force beneath his boots as he braced himself to jump just before he shot off his thrusters and went hurtling through the sky like a bullet. Spinning towards its eye he punched it with a cracking fist, the blooper groaning with a clench of its face and a shudder through its bulbous head when Falco ran upon its slippery top and leapt up high, before divebombing with a hard stomp to crush.

Gargling with anguish it tried to rear back and grab Lombardi with a thick tentacle, the falcon backflipping over the sweep as Fox kept shooting at its face to keep it distracted. The yoshi kept paddling, turning the ship out of the path of the ensuing waves that rocked them like a cradle, trudging against the thick mud that splashed over their faces.

Falco ran like a louse all over the prominent scalp, punching his boots into the octopus with stomping force whilst he dodged in a sliding roll beneath its crushing swing, but a second tentacle came that clipped his back and knocked him almost into the sea before he flapped his wings to briefly delay his fall, spiralling to grab the crook of its limb and swing himself back up.

"Not YET you calamari CREEP!"

With a divebombing punch he crunched the back of its head, but the blooper suddenly spun round in a vicious whirlwind that threw Falco high up into the sky before he was snatched by a tentacle, crushing him in its mighty suckers.

"FALCO!"

"NN-NNNNRGH!" the tightening limb coiled like a snake. "GAH, G-GET OFF ME YOU INK-FACED-GUH!"

"HOLD ON I'M COMING! Yolene get me close!"

"I can't!" the yoshi cried. "It's getting choppy, I can't get close enough!"

With the ocean now rollicking even faster from the colossal squid's movements, Fox couldn't even find a good leaping point off the boat to cover the distance close to Falco's aid. He took aim with his gun, closing one eye and hoping he could fire at the most sensitive part of its writhing limb to release its grasp on his friend. Suddenly it stopped, shrieking with a howling jitter as its body shook with a frantic anguish.

"What...what the heck?"

Falco heard the sound of claws stabbing into its back, scarring deep with puncturing force until a silver comet shot from the sea behind it, a rising howl that echoed through the waves before a violent flame of purple wrath crunched into its head and exploded with a deep burning char. With a surging mist of imperial red, the blooper cried out harder and dropped Falco from its clutches as he skidded down its limb and dove for its eye in another punch before standing back on its head.

"YOU WANT MORE SUSHI BREATH, HUH!? YOU WANNA-"

" Shut it."

A snarl crept through his ear that made him stop as he turned. He gasped with his beak agape as he reached for his gun.

"Move one finger and I rip off your wings."

Standing on the wounded blooper's head with gun already pointed was a grey wolf in leather jacket, strips of hard violet and mauve as he glared fierce with pointed fangs and an eye that pierced through Falco's head.

"Kept you waiting huh?" He tapped his patch covering his other eye. "You oughta get yours checked, I been waiting out here for days."

"What the hell, why are YOU here?!"

"Uhhh, because we fell through a wormhole, did your brain get a black hole too?!"

"SHUT UP!"

He felt a burning red laser past his cheek singing the tip of his feather.

"You want an ACTUAL black hole in your head?" the wolf sneered. "Now, help me put this octopus under control, we got a long ways to get to the castle."

With a set of ropes from Yolene they tethered themselves to the octopus as Wolf O' Donnell controlled the gargantuan beast with vague threats and a pistol near its eye. Trudging through the chocolate mess with its powerful tentacles, the kraken tore through the gooey waves and with brisk time managed to reach the other shore, with Yolene handing over a map she drew detailing the path to Bowser's kingdom.

"Thank you again," said Fox to the yoshi, "will you be alright heading back?"

"Yeah sure," she patted the giant blooper's side, "me an' the big guy are making ourselves an agreement 'til this chocolate sea goes."

"We'll make sure everything's back to normal, once we get to the king's castle."

"If he gives you any trouble," Wolf pointed to the beast, "pinch the left side of its eye, that's its weak spot."

"Heh, noted," the sailor saluted as she cast her sail back to the west, "you guys take care!"

Fox and Falco waved her off as the blooper pulled her like a seahorse through the sludge. Upon the shore they stood and turned towards Wolf, his sharp brigandine suit accented with his toothy smirk.

"What, you gonna arrest me?" he sneered.

"After what we been through we should!" Falco jabbed his wing. "It's your fault we're stuck in this place!"

"You chased after ME, I was defending myself," he pointed at McCloud, "if it hadn't been for pretty boy over here we would've all been safe-"

"NO, you ain't getting outta this one-"

"ENOUGH!" Fox shouted pushing them back. "We got bigger problems to deal with, we have to work together."

"You can't be serious he's a criminal!"

"I KNOW, but Wolf's stuck here as much as we are!"

"Sure am," O'Donnell grinned thumbing his fangs, "you also gotta find my ship if you want any evidence to put me on trial for."

"What do you mean?" Fox turned to him with a jingling of bells.

"I bailed out, landed in the mountains but my ship went flying way off somewhere east. I got turned around cuz my damn compass broke when I slipped down in a cave."

"Oh that's convenient," Lombardi snorted, "so your ship is just somewhere all the way there with your precious cargo?"

"Yep," the wolf smirked with hands on hips, "damn shame, but I guess I'm stuck with you two now."

"Fine," McCloud nodded dingaling, "we need to head to Bowser's castle, he's the one causing all of this to happen, thinks it's some kinda game he's playing with us."

"Well, hope he don't a mind a new challenger," he cracked his fists, "if you need backup."

"Hold it. He's a kid, not even the king, that sailor told me that he's the prince so I think we're just dealing with a brat getting too big whilst his dad is out."

"So you gonna roll over?"

"No, but I'm saying there's other ways to handle this than just fists."

"When you got any lemme know." The wolf flicked one of the bells off Fox's head. "I don't let anyone make a fool outta me."

He walked off into the mountain range that stretched along the east, with Falco following and Fox trailing behind still staring down at his wretched uniform. The grand peaks that lined the horizon with dark shale seemed an intimidating prospect to climb with shadows that towered over them. Wolf led them towards an entrance to a cave hidden within the depths, a cragged nook that they squeezed through and entered the subterrane where they flicked on their lights from their belts.

The sounds of dripping water from the stalactites formed a peaceful symphony, small purple bats swooping by with a fluttering of wings and odd little beasts with blue shells covering their whole body where beady red eyes glared at them underneath.

"This'll get us to the top," said O'Donnell pointing up, "hope you don't mind working for it."

"Some of us work unlike you," said Lombardi.

"Oh yeah, the showoff telling me that I slack off."

"Hey I work hard being the best!"

"Stop." Fox walked past them. "We can deal with that when we leave."

"IF we leave," Falco rolled his eyes.

"If that spoilt prince can turn a desert into custard then he can send us back home."

"Wait what?" the wolf snorted. "You serious now?"

"Yeah, and turned a whole town into popcorn, I don't get it either, the kid's got some crazy power."

"Huh...well, you're too sad to be funny so I guess I'll believe ya."

"Thanks," Fox twitched his ears flat, "you go and lead then-"

"THERE you are!"

A screeching voice came whistling through as Wolf immediately pointed his gun.

"How'dya like my chocolate pudding surprise!?"

"Oh, hello your majesty," Fox grinned crossing his arms, "or should I call you PRINCE Junior?"

"WH-what?!" the boy in the clown-faced monitor flinched causing his crown to tilt. "NUH-UH, I'm KING, KING SEE LOOK WHAT I'M WEARING!"

"Heh, so you're the punk," Wolf put away his gun and stepped forth, "hope you're ready for bedtime when we get there."

"Who're you?!"

"The guy who's gonna spank your cheeks redder than the sun if you don't stop this."

"HAH, you think you can scare me?!" said Junior waving his glowing staff. "You mighta gotten past the chocolate sea, but I know what'll put a spring in yer step!"

With a swirling of his sceptre that rose high above his head, the throne room lit up in a spark that shuddered across the kingdom as they felt a change in the atmosphere of the cave. Their feet began to sink slightly, the ground turned uneven as Wolf slitted his eye towards the royal mace the prince wielded.

"What the hell you doing now?!" Falco snapped.

"Gee I dunno, why dontcha HOP to it?!"

"What's that even mean-W-WOAH!"

The moment Lombardi walked forth his body bounced in the air as he fell forwards to boing a second time on the earth that had now turned to a rubbery substance. The force he fell caused him to bounce even higher to slam into the ceiling, turning into a blue marble as he cried out in a furious panic as he bolted off floors and repelled off of walls. Even worse the bats and buzzy beetles were also caught in the mess, turning the entire cave into one horrifying pachinko machine.

"I - CAN'T - STOP - FOX - DO - SOME - THING!"

"USE YOUR REFLECTOR!" he shouted trying to dodge him.

"Or your wings," Wolf chuckled ducking under him, "what's wrong you forgot how to roost?"

"SH-SHUT UP, AAAH!"

"What's wrong!?" Bowser Jr. shouted from his screen. "Arentcha having a ball?!"

"Y-YOU STUPID - AAAH - I'M GONNA - GAAAH!"

"HEY WATCH IT-GUUUH!"

Pummelling into the walls he soon hurtled towards Wolf who dodged too late, caught in the force of the volatile bounce as he went boinging with frenzy against every single surface. Fox searched for the way out seeing an upwards shaft as an idea fermented in his mind, constantly dodging the cannonball-sized beetles that crashed and slalomed against each other like coconuts in the storm.

With a small hexagon from his belt he held it up in waiting for his two companions to bounce close enough to each other as they struggled in turn to try and halt their tempestuous fate, two hurtling bodies threatening to crash into each other as the walls bent and the ceiling arched from their slamming force but nothing would yield, a prison of rubber that even the stalagmites and stalactites were soft and easily twisted.

Falco and Wolf stared towards each other in slow-motion, fear impinging on their eyes as they braced themselves for a brutal impact from opposite sides with a resounding crack. A blue light sparked between them, catching their bodies as Fox's reflector shot them fast towards the upper shaft.

"WH-WOAH WOAH WOAH!"

"WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"SAVING YOUR HIDES!"

McCloud leapt off a spongy rock and bounced up to join them, directing his body with cautious shifts of his thrusters and delaying his jumps carefully to avoid being trapped in a marble madness. Wolf tried to adjust himself along with Falco in trying to correct their courses, shooting upwards in a faster spiral as Fox joined them to keep their target straight with reflecting shield.

It was a dizzying venture, dodging both each other as well as the bats and beetles that came hurtling from every side like a warzone, threatening to crush their heads with McCloud blocking them back anytime the beetles came too close. Through the bouncy cavern they ascended up to the sky, soon reaching the top as they vaulted high above the peaks with one last bounce, the clouds skimming over their heads as they righted themselves in midair.

"HOO!" Falco backflipped away. "Finally, I was getting kinda airsick-GAH!"

The moment he landed on a cliff he bounced again into the sky.

"ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING?!"

"What's the matter?!" Bowser Jr. cried floating past. "You got a tummyache?!"

"I'LL GIVE YOU AN ACHE YOU SNOT-FACED SHELLHEAD!"

"HEY, THIS WAY!" Wolf shouted from the east.

Following the merc the two pilots leapt on after, the wannabe-king following them as they leapt from one squishy mountaintop to the other with his clown-car monitor puttering behind. The boy waved his sceptre once again with a fiendish cackle as the clouds above glinted with a shining steel. Then they started to drop, one after the other with a whistling shriek before they slammed into the mountain and bounced off the rubbery slopes to hurtle through the air.

"LOOK OUT!"

Fox slammed into Falco to grab him out of the path of the weighted clouds, now several tons of projectile destruction that went flying like comets aiming straight towards them. Wolf dodged between the fluffy meteors using his thruster boots, following after the Starfox duo as one cumulonimbus went falling so fast it punched straight through a mountain and caused the entire peak to deflate like a circus tent, wheezing its final gasp as O'Donnell shot up high to land on one of the skimming clouds.

Riding it out the mercenary went riding upon the boulder-sized ball of fluff that shot careening towards the two pilots, waiting for the arc of it to reach before slamming down his boots with a hard burst of jet-thrust to halt its path before it could hit them, vaulting off to join them as they trampolined across the alpine range where snowdrifts shuddered, pinging off like sugar on a spongy cake.

"Going my way?!" he teased in passing.

"THIS ISN'T A GAME WOLF!" Fox shouted.

"To that kid it is, so let's show him we're better!"

"...right!"

They both smiled at him as they dodged through the heavy rain, clouds tumbling out of the sky like bowling balls that punched through the alps and flattened more of the hills with devastating pops that burst their ears with a cacophonic boom. The end of the mountains were in sight as they launched forwards far as they could, the clouds thundering behind like the sky itself was falling.

"COME ON, WE'RE ALMOST THERE!"

"I GOT A PLAN!" Falco grabbed both their arms. "THRUSTERS, TOGETHER!"

With synchronised blast they jettisoned off of one mountain and leapt miles across the range, leaving the storm of weights behind as they went searing into the next land with their boots forwards and thrusting once more to slow their descent, just enough to land into a roll on the grassy plains.

"HOO!" the bird sprinted out of a roll and skidded to a halt. "YEAH, THAT'S HOW YA DO IT!"

"Not bad," Wolf clucked his tongue, "keep that up you'll make the Lylatlympics fer sure."

"Pfft you kidding, I could take GOLD!"

"Yeah why haventcha?"

"Ugh cuz you gotta be like registered?! Like screw that, I ain't paying no boss to register me!"

"Ohhh sure, I bet it's not just cuz you're chicken."

"WHAT YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

The bird suddenly charged towards him as O'Donnell spread his arms with a taunting grin. Fox was too late to stop him, the merc glinting in his eye as he suddenly launched upwards when Falco came close, his claws wrapped round Lombardi's throat before he slamdunked him from the air, driving his boot down from above to crush the wind out of Falco's chest.

"Next time you try, this boot's crushing your head."

"GHHRRKH!"

He suddenly pulled out his gun to turn behind him, hearing the slip of Fox's pistol from his holster but was surprised to see it just spinning on its own in midair. Then he felt the sudden punch to his head knocking him off of Falco with a boot on his gun.

"Next time YOU try, this boot's crushing yours."

"Heh...can't even think up your own lines pup?" Wolf grinned.

"If we keep going at each other's throats, we're never going to be able to leave, we have a bigger problem with a maniacal prince too big for his seat, now either you help me NOW, or I put you in cuffs and throw you out to sea."

"...fine." He rolled his eye and put up his hands as Fox stepped off him. "That little brat has it coming more than either of you so fine, we go to the castle, deal with him and get back."

"Good." McCloud turned to Falco with a warning finger. "That goes for you too."

"What-ME?!" he stepped back insulted.

"If you wanna get mad, then do it towards Junior, cuz otherwise I'm done."

"Ugh, fiiine."

Grabbing his pistol off the ground, Fox walked further east as Wolf and Falco followed, both of them frustrated but with a smirk growing on their faces from the jingling of each step.

"I'm sorry I can't take him seriously," snickered O'Donnell.

"Seriously it makes him look like a kid," snorted Lombardi, "but, whatever, he's right we got a mission to do."

"I'm not Starfox, don't tell me what to do."

"Oh I ain't, but he just did."

"I'm not doing it cuz he said so, I'm doing it cuz I agree, that's different."

Regardless they walked together, seeing a tower in the distance that Wolf recognised with a perk of his ears.

The lands were different than the grassy plains that Fox had first landed on. Where there had been sweeping grass, there was rough terrain with odd little plants that nipped at their heels, shaped like white tulips with fierce little eyes as they kicked and scuffed their way through savage gardens and fields of perilous chompers. Other times they met locals in the form of fat-lipped reptiles who tossed giant balls of iron to each other in a game of strength.

Koopas also roamed the land, some wielding fireballs, some wielding hammers, some with boomerangs that they tossed to each other in skilful displays almost like they were juggling them.

"Scuse me," Fox approached two hammer brothers, "what's that tower over there?"

"Takes you to Sky Land," said one as they kept juggling, "you heading to Bowser's castle?"

"Yeah, we have a...meeting with the prince."

"Oh word?" the other brother tossed up high. "Guess that makes sense since the king's out of the country."

"He is?" Falco sneered. "Why, where's he off to?"

"Last I heard he was planning a wedding?!" the koopas shrugged. "He won't be back for a while, think Mario headed after him too soooo everything's pretty quiet."

"Except for that thunder," said his partner, "you hear it all the way in the mountains?"

"Yeah WE were the thunder," Wolf pointed to himself, "your prince just turned the entire mountain range into a bouncy castle and every cloud turned into a rock!"

"WHAT?!"

They dropped their hammers as everyone ducked, apart from Wolf who grabbed two mid-air and kicked the other two in a flying karate kick to send them thudding into the dirt.

"You dropped this." He handed the hammers back then pointed to Fox. "Like I was saying, your prince is making a fool out of him, and I'm not too happy about being made into his plaything."

"But, h-he shouldn't be able to do that," the koopa shook his head, "I mean, not like his clan haven't had magic powers before with rods and staffs but-"

"Junior had one!" Lombardi crossed his wings. "Some honking big sceptre that was all blue and stuff shining away!"

"Huh, I dunno that one, but if he's got his hands on some magic yeah this could be serious."

"Can you help us?" asked McCloud. "Do you know a better way to get to the castle?"

"Not really, BUT!" One of the hammer brothers gave a packet of seeds to him. "When you get to Pipe Land, look for a guy called Paulie an' give him these, he'll get you to the castle quicker than anyone."

"Thank you!" he bowed taking the seeds. "Take care sirs."

After leaving the koopas, they found themselves at the tower some forty minutes of walking later, a grand pillar that pierced through the sky with a swirling spiral around the outside. There was no lock, no guards at the entrance as they made their way inside to a large open hall where the roof could not be seen, windows stretching upwards forever.

"So where's the elevator?" Falco asked looking up.

"Oh what a surprise, the BIRD wants a lift," Wolf rolled his eyes.

"Whassat s'posed to mean?!"

"HEY!" Fox snapped back with a jangling of bells. "We're not doing this again, just find a way up."

"Scuse me."

A voice rumbled from above as they looked around.

"Up here, hey! Ugh, hold on I'm coming down."

Something started falling, a heavy shuddering of earth as they quickly backed up to see a giant stone crush into the floor, a large block of cinderstone with spikes all aong the rim.

"What...the hell?"

The block had a face, an angry-looking scowl as they reeled slightly when it talked.

"What, something on my face?"

"No, no uh," Fox cleared his throat, "we weren't, expecting anyone here, the entrance was empty."

"Yeah, we had a few budget cuts, no one really comes through Sky Land anymore, you guys wanted to go up?"

"That'd be great thanks, we're heading to Bowser's castle."

"Alright, hop on."

"Hop...on?"

"Yeah," the block floated slightly up then crunched down again, "ride me up."

"WOAH woah woah!" Falco backed off. "We just got through a whole mountain range of clouds hammering down on us now we gotta trust a blockhead?!"

"Who you callin' blockhead?!" his eyes slanted hard to the right. "I graduated top of my class, Thwompard '82!"

"Wow!" Wolf chuckled walking over. "A hunka rock that's smarter than you."

"WHAT?!"

"We'd like to go up please!" Fox bowed with pleading hands. "The sooner the better thank you."

"Alright, hop on folks!"

They leapt onto the thwomp as he shuddered with a rumbling force, pushing against the gravity and lifting up high towards the great kingdom in the clouds. Their ascent wasn't too swift to make them sick, but not slow enough for them to manage without stumbling as they grabbed onto the thwomp's stony scalp and braced themselves for the stop. Five minutes of straight elevation made them slightly queasy before they reached their floor, a large walkway that led to the exit at the top of the tower.

"68th floor, Sky Land, cosmetics, air fresheners, please check all your belongings before you leave the thwomp."

"Thank you again," said Fox leaping off, "we appreciate it."

"No problem. Watch your step, not every cloud has a silver lining, again budget cuts you see."

Heading towards the exit, they stepped out onto an endless expanse of purest white, thick fluffy talc that crunched underfoot as soft as cotton blanketed with snow. It was a strange feeling, the constant betrayal of their feet where the clouds would sink, not as treacherous as quicksand but still enough to unbalance their steps as they walked as careful as they could.

"This place is weird," Wolf sniffed the cool breeze, "feels like some kinda fever dream."

"The weirdest part is half of this is normal," shrugged McCloud, "even without the crazy stuff that Junior brat's pulling off."

"What about that?" Falco pointed to a castle sitting on the clouds. "That look normal to you?"

"That...huh, that is, yeah, I don't think they even have anti-gravity devices here."

"Maybe they do," said O'Donnell, "what if they're magic is just that, wouldn't that just be advanced science?"

"Hmmm...yeah, not a bad point," Fox grinned rubbing his chin.

"Let's go, see who's inside."

The castle was more of a small fortress, a stately manor of hard stone with a single tower upon its centre. The gate was open, the drawbridge lowered as they stepped onto the hard turf of its courtyard somehow kept aloft, a large training ground with barren dirt and old mannequins shaped like toads crumpled to the sides.

"HEHEYYYY YA MADE IT!"

The screech of Bowser Jr. came rattling through the air as they saw the puffing little machine with its monitor.

"Ready to play jokerboys?!"

"Can it twerp," Wolf snorted pointing at him, "we're not here to chat, just tell us which way's your castle."

"NAH-AH, you wanna pass through, you gotta pay the toll, and THIS toll you gotta play my GAME!"

"Fine," shrugged McCloud, "what's your game, the sooner we're done with it the better."

"Step riiiight on in!" the little clown-car hovered to the main entrance. "Come on don't be scared!"

"This is definitely a trap," he murmured, "one of us should hang back."

"We settle the old way?" Falco grinned at him. "Rock paper scissors?"

McCloud nodded as they clapped their hands together, shaking their fists on three before Fox made the scissors and Falco showed paper.

"GAH, SHOOT!"

"Looks like you're going in," he slapped the bird's back, "Wolf you wanna-"

"Nah," he waved his hand, "I'll go, someone needs to babysit the bird."

"Shut your hole!" Falco snapped marching off. "I'm not the one in the clownsuit I don't need babysitting!"

They walked together to the main entrance, the fort looming above with its latticed windows of iron bars staring solemn across the great cloudy sky. Falco marched up the fastest with Wolf catching up, the two almost barging together through the door as McCloud was about to join them before he heard something shudder from above and he leapt back when a steel gate shunted down to seal the entrance.

"HEY, Wh-WHAT THE HELL!"

"Falco!" Fox thumped on the side. "What's happening, you alright?!"

"SOMETHING'S COMING, COMING FAST-"

"LOOK OUT!"

Wolf's cry from within was followed by the sounds of heavy scuffling, the crunching of steel and and the stretching of fabric. Fox stepped back pulling out his gun and searching to find a means to break open the door as the churning grind of machines followed along with the crumpling of cardboard and plastic, the thunking slap of boxes amidst Falco's squawks and O'Donnell's snarls with elbows and fists slamming against the sides.

Then there was silence. The door opened up as Fox pointed his gun inside and ran through the hall with pennants fluttering in the breeze and a long red carpet. Then he saw two large boxes with baby-blue packing and clear plastic windows on the front. Inside were two adult-sized collectible colleagues pressing their fingers against the screen. Fox wanted to laugh, so very much he wanted to laugh but the only thing that stopped him was a greater emotion of seething insult for what happened to them.

"I'm gonna kill that brat," Wolf clenched his teeth.

"Not if I kill him first," Falco fumed tightening his wings.

"We're all dealing with him," Fox looked away, "we just have to teach that b-brat a...l-lesson-SNRRRKHAHAH, I-i'm sorry I'm sorry-"

"DON'T YOU SAY A DAMN WORD!" Lombardi snapped.

"S-sorry, sorry I'm trying, but at least you know how it feels."

"Yeah, and it SUCKS, now get us outta here!"

Shuddering with fury borne from insult, Falco Lombardi and Wolf O'Donnell were trapped in a large toy packages dressed like harlequins the same as Fox, razzle-dazzle outfits with jingly bells on their heads but with one difference. On their chests were plastered "I <3 Jr." in proudly cheap font, same with the branding across their boxes labelling them as BIRDBRAIN and DOGBREATH.

McCloud struggled not to smirk but the more he saw the prince's face with chubby cheeks and a thumbs up on their shirts, the harder his lungs shook with heaving gasps of giggling fits when he leapt on top of the boxes and tore them open, lifting his companions out through the tears in his eyes as the back of the boxes were stamped with reviews such as "SO CUTE!" and "Does whatever you want, would play with again!".

"Yanno I didn't laugh at you," Wolf brushed his shoulders as he stepped down.

"Heh...s-sorry, you're right."

"Flyboy over there you can laugh all you want I don't care."

"HEY!"

"THEEERE YOU ARE!"

Bowser Jr. arrived as they flinched from his squeal of joy.

"Jeez I'm always losing my toys, even when I put little bells on ya!"

"YOU SNOT-NOSED LI'L BRAT!"

Falco pulled out his gun and fired at the screen before it dodged.

"How ya liking the new suits!? Bet they fit ya reaaaal good!"

The pilot readied to shoot before Fox quickly put his hand on the bird's arm to stop him.

"What do you got for us now?" he turned to the prince. "We don't got all day, we'd rather get to your castle before it's dark."

"Yeah it's getting late," said Wolf crunching his fists, "won't want you up past your bedtime."

"I'll tell ya when it's my BEDTIME!" Jr. shouted waving his wand. "You got a new challenge coming up, cuz I thought, hey, you guys are pretty fast an' you were bouncing over the mountains like crazy!"

"Alright," Fox stretched his arms, "what do you have next for us you brat?"

"YOU are gonna play a new game that's through there!" he floated past the photobooth curtain. "Come on come on!"

They followed suit, hands on pistols as the other side revealed a long narrow hall raised over a boiling lava pit, bubbling with frothy spurts and gooey balls that leapt like flying fish over the waves. At the end of the hall was a steel set of doors, with Junior's monitor floating in front of it.

"All you gotta do is walk right down here!" he cackled clapping his hands. "It's THAAAT easy!"

"Like hell it is," Wolf snorted, "this stinks of a trap."

"Whaaaat noooo it's not a trap, come oooon just step over!"

"We have no choice," muttered Fox, "let's just deal with it but, Falco, Zed-Strike maneuver when I say."

"Got it," he nodded, "let's show that twerp what we're made of."

They walked together into the hall with Falco slightly moving behind as they felt the sweltering heat of the thick magma licking the stones with burning amber. At first it seemed a perfectly innocuous corridor of deadly lava, not even thin enough to give problems as they reached the halfway point with cautious steps.

"Cooome on, thaaat's it yer almost there, then we get to play soon...like say right NOW!"

The wand shimmered high above his throne as the door was suddenly blocked by a giant wall that loomed before them, the hall revealing itself to be a hidden conveyor belt that pulled them back. the door they came from closed off, the bridge falling at its start to trap them in as they stared upon the giant square looming upon them, an odd cut-out shape of someone T-posing in the middle from where Jr. waved through.

"Welcome to my TOTALLY ORIGINAL GAME SHOW do not steal! All you gotta do is get through the gap by making the exact pose!"

"Oh noooo who coulda saw this happen," Falco rolled his eyes as they started running forwards, "fine you wanna play, we'll play!"

"YEAAAH LET'S PLAY! Alright that's what I wanna hear, now BRING ON THE WALL!"

The flames suddenly burst from both sides of the hall with a climactic eruption, Fox and Wolf looking to each other as they made the T-pose along with Falco, asserting dominance by stepping forth to meet the wall and push through with ease. The next wall was more tricky, a yoga stance that required one to lift their foot behind with their arm outstretched.

Fox managed easily, as did Falco, but Wolf struggled with a scrape as the crackling seethe of lava worried them when the previous wall fell behind to melt into the burning pool. Getting closer to Bowser Jr. with each puzzle they solved, they rushed to the wall as quick as they could whilst figuring out the right position to take. Some of them were easy, almost like they were taken from a book whilst others were excruciating in testing their flexibility.

Every position they took caused their bells to jingle, the lava thickly coating the air with insufferable heat that made their clothes sweat through the fabric with a sickening sheen. The positions they were forced to take became tortuous the longer it went on, the walls rising faster as Wolf tried to mimic a ballerina, whilst Falco struggled to push himself through much quicker than they could pop.

"AH-AH, NO CHEATING!" The wall suddenly slammed downwards and trapped Falco like a slab. "You wait yer turn and do 'em right!"

"GAH, F-FOX A LI'L HELP!?"

They lifted the wall off of him enough to let him crawl out, trying to shove down the next wall but it had been kept magnetised to the conveyor and would fall only at Jr.'s behest. More shapes attacked them as they twisted their bodies to staggering limits, taking the form of a turtle, a giraffe, the shadow of a dodecahedron and at one point a symbol that was probably used in math.

Sometimes they would fall just for having a leg too out of place, other times the wall came too quick before they could think how to contort their bodies. But they managed to reach the halfway point as yet another wall came sliding forth, the cackling glee of Bowser Jr. ringing behind as their awaiting prize.

"ZED-STRIKE!"

"GOT IT!"

Falco braced his wings and shot off straight towards the wall at the side, perilously hanging above the lava for a few seconds before he pulled out his reflector, the small hexagon blinking as it sparked against a lava bubble and propelled him violently to the other side of the hall zipping between the walls. Another lava bubble he hit and recoiled off of from a second reflector snap, zigzagging through the fortress hall with a shocking blur of blue trailing behind him.

"GAME, OVER!"

Slamming his foot straight into the monitor, he cracked the whole screen off of Jr.'s little clown-car and sent it hurtling into the lava with a screech just before it melted. With bubbling spark of electrical fizz it dripped down to the depths as the walls finally stopped, fading away without his magic to transmit as Wolf and Fox quickly caught up to him by the end door.

"HOOOO! Now THAT'S how ya do it!"

"Hhheh, heheheh!"

"What?!"

"Sorry, the uh...that."

The pilot jabbed at one of Falco's dingling bells from his hood as he slapped him back. Wolf wasted no time in kicking open the door and walking through with a rattling clang of his own bells as he beckoned them to follow out of the heated room.

Through the back of the sky fortress they found a long sloping hill that formed into a wallcloud, trudging upwards with the soft crunch of a damp ephemeral mist sprinkling under their jester's boots. The whispering cirrus drifted past their heads causing their bells to jingle in the breeze, the frigid heights of the world making them feel a chill on the horizon as they reached the summit of the cloud-mount.

Standing before them were three cannons, large and black with glossy finish and an automatic fuse with their muzzles pointing towards them. The horizon was an endless white as the two canines twitched their snouts sensing a bitter wind, a frost emerging on their whiskers.

"Ugh what now?" Wolf rolled his eyes. "This another of his tricks?"

"Probably," Fox sighed, "but it's the only way forwards, the clouds stop here."

"Wish we had our ships," Falco kicked a lump of fluff before turning to the wolf, "where did yours go anyway?"

"No idea," shrugged O'Donnell, "landed way off east, I dunno how far it got."

"You not worried about that thing you stole?"

"What would I do with it here?! There's no buyer round here, besides it's not like it's fragile, I'll find it and when we get back..."

He stepped up to the duo and gripped their shoulders.

"I'll make you both eat my dust, and you'll never see me again."

"Don't count on it." Fox shoved him back. "The first thing that happens when we get back is you under arrest."

"Hah, on whose word?" the merc spread his arms. "You're bounty hunters much as I am, just because daddy Corneria likes you doesn't make you cops."

"We have good standing, and the facility you stole from will back us up."

"But can you still keep your hands on my tail by the time we leave?"

He smiled backing off before walking over to the cannons. Their faces had been drawn upon each in a crude childish fashion, tongues poking out with stink lines around them.

"Sooo do we each take the one he put up?" Wolf pointed. "Or you wanna screw with him a bit and take different ones-"

"Different!" Falco stepped up to the Fox-cannon. "I don't trust that kid one bit."

"Agreed," said McCloud going to the Wolf-cannon, "ready?"

"Sure," O'Donnell walked to the Falco-cannon, "we go in on three."

They climbed into each cannon, slipping down with a thunk at the base as the device triggered with automated fuse and slowly turned towards the east. A sizzling burned their ears before the fierce explosion, a triple threat to the sky as they went soaring above the clouds and with the shrieking howl of gales tearing at their skin. Soon the sky-ocean would fade, and with it they saw a deeper, greater land of a glistening white much sharper in tone than the soft clouds.

It was at that moment they realised that they should have considered parachutes, their descent approaching as the ground started rushing up to meet the three jesters. A grand kingdom of snow and ice, with glass lakes and glistening rivers between mountains that resembled giant cakes full of frosting. Every conifer was dressed for a party, wrapped in bridal gowns of sweet snow as they went hurtling faster towards a mountain.

Turning their thrusters on as they flipped backwards mid-flight, Fox, Wolf and Falco tried to throttle their descent as the land grew larger and faster. They thought they would have a rough landing, but then they saw the giant face of Bowser Jr. painted upon the flattened top of the largest mountain, winking with thumbs up to shout HAPPY BIRTHDAY across the plateau.

Their feet went straight through the child's face, their bodies swamped in a thick creamy sponge that would burst down the cliff in a runny mixture that formed into an avalanche. The land below was soon overrun, jam and cream forming a tasty lahar that encroached over the frozen waters and smothered the bridges as the screams of villagers could be heard.

"UGH!" Fox poked his head from the giant cake. "Least we didn't break our legs."

"And if we did?" Falco pushed himself out. "We could just get new legs."

"In this place?" Wolf started sliding down. "They'd probably carve us legs out of wood and magic 'em."

"Yo that'd be sick actually."

"Heh...yanno what, yeah it would."

"Did he plan this?" Fox stared over the chaos beneath.

"I mean, he shot us from a cannon into this...mountain cake?!"

"That's more reason to stop him, we can't allow this to continue."

"I quite agree."

A voice could be heard above them as they stared upon a strange-looking type. Flying on a broom was an old-looking koopa in a pale blue rone, glasses thickly covering his eyes as he puttered downwards to their level, the sounds of disgust and outrage coming faint from the snowy villages.

"The young master has made playthings of you I take it?"

"What tipped you off?" Falco swished his jangling head. "You know where he at?"

"Yes, the castle lies yonder," he pointed east, "I am Kamek, the court vizier of Bowser's kingdom, I have come to assist you."

"Hah, you starting a coup?" Wolf grinned rubbing his snout.

"Nothing of the sort," Kamek waved his hand, "simply guiding you whilst the young master's eyes are averted, he's lost his video-camera machine and is searching for a replacement."

"What a shame," Lombardi looked to Fox with a smirk.

"We appreciate the help," McCloud nodded, "can you fly us there faster?"

"Not as such, but I CAN offer you a secret route that will take you to Pipe Land much faster than crossing the icy wastes."

"Will the people be alright, shouldn't we help?"

"No need, I've brought helpers."

He nodded down towards the flooded valley as koopas in armour pulled out the citizens, digging through the frost and clearing out the cake.

"His Majesty's currently away, I was tasked with the young master's care but it seems he has found some great and terrible artifact and now, I am unable to stop him without threat to my position."

"We'll stop him," Wolf crunched his fist, "whatever it damn well takes."

"A-ah, I would not advise threatening violence against the master."

"Why, who's gonna stop me?"

The koopa in response opened his palm as a magic staff suddenly appeared, pointing straight towards O'Donnell with a glowing ruby tip.

"I wish only to take away his power, NOT harm him. Should you lay a finger on him you will have me to contend with, and whilst the young master may be a child...I am not."

"Heh, noted."

He stepped back with a nod as Kamek guided them down the mountain, the rescue efforts going smooth as toads and shy guys were excavated from their houses and the caked sponge was soon parted or sometimes eaten out of the way. Travelling between the slopes, skidding down carefully to the bottom as they finally hit ground level.

The ice was barely a problem thanks to their boots, even with the jesters' outfits covering them when their shoes detected the lack of surface tension and quickly adjusted themselves automatically to walk safely over the frozen lakes. Beyond the birthday peak was a large canyon of thick icing, where giant balls of marzipan rolled back and forth like marbles.

Kamek flew over the obstacle course whilst the Starfox team braved the obstacles and went charging through as soon as the balls lined up, pounding feet against the thick yellow orbs that reminded them of vanilla ice cream. They dodged through the rolling thunder, strafing back and forth in a zippity-zap with their jet-thrusters to keep just ahead of the delicious weighted orbs.

"WOAH, almost!"

"Keep your head down!"

"Pfft, you asking ME to keep my head down?!" Falco boasted.

"Yes, for once!" snapped the fox.

"What if I do THIS?!"

The pheasant backflipped against the sides of the sloping ridge and started getting cocky, his jangling bells ringing above the giant boulder that he swiftly leapt on top of and started running upon backwards. With a smile on his beak he started punching the ball of marzipan off course to send it shooting down the valley in front of his friends, slamming against the others to send them shooting off high.

"How ya like THAT HUH?!"

"WH-WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" Kamek shrieked as one flew past. "No wonder he made you clowns!"

"I AIN'T NO CLOWN!"

"Then stop rolling on the ball dipstick!" Wolf snarled following after.

The golden balls went rumbling on and bounced out of the canyon, heading onto the lake which suddenly cracked under their surprising weight as Falco started to panic when his own ball rolled very quickly into the ice water. Jumping off and trying to shoot onwards to the other shore in a burning thrust of his boots as the marzipan melted to spread out across the water.

Wolf and Fox started running over the crackling ice, some of it separating into floes that they hopped across in quick succession, leapfrogging back and forth with bouncing shifts of the frozen platforms that would suddenly spin like records when they landed, jumping off once they were aligned up to the next platform and following after Falco who was doing the same, all to the eyes of Kamek who stared bemused at their antics.

Jumping to the other shore they ran up towards a slope, the drifting overhang almost fooling them with a false edge that would have made them fall, if not for Kamek swinging under the cliff and summoning a fierce gale that shot them high into the sky with a spiralling strait. With a blast from his sceptre the magikoopa sent them hurtling far across the snowy expanse, landing upon conifer trees where they leapt through a giant forest, their bells ringing with christmas cheer.

"THIS REMIND YOU OF BOOT CAMP?!" Falco shouted.

"I SET THE RECORD AT ACADEMY!" Fox cried back. "POINT-GUARD MASTER IN ZERO-G BASKETBALL!"

"OH LOOK AT GOLDEN BOY!" Wolf barked. "YOU BRING AN APPLE FOR TEACHER TOO?!"

"HAH, HAHAHA HE PROBABLY DID!" Lombardi cackled.

"OH NOW HE'S YOUR FRIEND?" McCloud scoffed. "AFTER WHAT HE CALLED YOU?!"

"YEAH BUT HE'S NOT A TEACHER'S PET LIKE YOU!"

The wolf crowed with laughter as he leapt high to fistbump Falco, much to Fox's consternation as they covered the length of the woods with miniature snowstorms below each tree they landed, shaking off the blankets of white draped upon their needles before they found the end of the ice lands.

"Here!" Kamek cried out. "This way, here lies the exit!"

They landed fast rolling into the drift, standing in an old quarry where there lied a large single green pipe.

"What's this?" Wolf pointed.

"Your exit to Pipe Land," said the wizard, "an underground labyrinth that was devised by the Koopa Kingdom to deter invaders."

"Pipes?" Fox squinted. "Why not just a maze?"

"Because you cannot melt pipes, nor force them to bend, they are one of the most powerful shapes in this realm."

The sorcerer offered a black stone engraved with a monstrous red face silhouetted on its front.

"This shall guide you to our castle, it will also open the seal of an underground passage allowing you to reach the throne room faster."

"Thank you," the pilot bowed taking the stone, "we appreciate the help, you can't come with us?"

"We have eyes underground," the koopa tapped his beak, "if I traverse with you now, the young master will know of my treachery and I cannot bear to be punished!"

"Heh, alright big hero," Falco shrugged walking forth, "we just jump down the pipe and get to the castle, no problem."

"I await your victory, and please, do not harm the master. Should any harm come to him, not only will you contend with me, but ALSO his father the king."

"Understood."

They grabbed onto the pipe and vaulted themselves inside, Fox going first with Falco and Wolf behind as the sound of PRUN-PRUN-PRUN rumbled in their ears.

Down the deep dark passage of the steel pipe, their bodies transformed slightly into squishing through a natural magic coating inside the metal struts as they slithered down and around bends and twists in the infinite black, before they finally crawled out into a subterranean passage. Dark blue stones and a hard brick floor with more floating blocks hanging above them like lamps, Falco immediately jumping to clonk them and grab coins out of the boxes.

"He-heyyy finally our luck's turning up!"

"What're you gonna do with that dough?" shrugged O'Donnell. "You can't take it outta here."

"Yeah but we're still gonna need to fix our ships, gotta pay!"

"Or yanno, steal from the brat."

"You're not helping your case," Fox jabbed at him, "you're already on notice for stealing that cargo."

"Until then I'm gonna steal much as I can, you can't prosecute me for crimes on THIS planet."

He rolled his eyes as they walked onwards, the moody underground almost pitch-black as they flicked on their lights, their bells ringing faintly with an echo beyond as they noticed other pipes sprouting from the stone. Sometimes there were large pillars of rock that they climbed over, their costumes lit up easily in the darkness as they vaulted, backflipped and dashed through the tunnel as quick as they could.

Other creatures lived in the depths, such as the goombas who had a rather sickly pallour compared to the last time they saw them, dark lumps of faded turquoise that shuffled back and forth not paying any attention to them as they jetboosted off of walls and found higher passages that helped them sneak through the place.

"This stuff's kinda crazy," muttered Wolf leering at the pipes, "looks like a freaking art project."

"I still don't get the floating blocks," Fox punched another to grab some coins, "there's no anti-gravity field in them, and why would they be here for people to just take money out of them?"

"This one's got a mushroom!" Falco bumped another block and offered a red-and-white shroom. "Try it!"

"What NO!" he stepped back with a flinch. "What the hell?!"

"No no it's fine it's not drugs!"

"What's the matter, scared?" Wolf nudged his shoulder. "Don't want teacher to find out?"

"We're professionals, we don't do narcotics-FALCO!"

"Whut?!" Falco shrugged chewing on the fungus. "It's fine I ate this stuff before, seriously it's good!"

"Why would you just eat that?!"

"They were selling it in stores, seriously it's not bad!"

Fox took a bite and found it to be quite delicious, somewhat gamey with a light meaty taste and a fresh cleansing to his teeth.

"Wow, that is actually good."

"Ugh, for real?" the wolf snarled backing off. "Damn it why'd you have to tell him it was legit, I was having fun."

"I got some for ya too," the bird gave him another mushroom, "haven't really eaten much here, but the store I went to said you could dip this in honey."

"Ooooh...that sounds good, they got any alcohol here?"

"I didn't ask."

"Well thas pretty rude of ye."

They turned back towards the pipes and were startled to see something lurch out of it.

"Y'all wanna start a party you always bring some juice with ya."

Smiling with a predatory grin coming out of the pipe was an eyeless green red plant covered in white spots oddly reminiscent of a mushroom. Falco hid the shroom he was eating quickly as the creature raised itself on a long green stalk with a pair of leaves curled like fists.

"You seem lost, how 'bout y'all curl down in mah pipe fer a li'l BITE?"

"Hey-ey, NAH, we ain't into that!"

"Are you...Paulie?" Fox asked stepping closer.

"That depen', who's askin'?"

"I have something for him."

He offered the packet of seeds causing the plant to flinch back with a smile.

"J-JEEZ louise hoohoo NOW we're talkin'!"

"Friend of Paulie's said we should give this to him, you know where he is?"

"Suuure do," the plant smiled even wider, "he's righ' in front o' ya."

McCloud handed the seeds over as Paulie grabbed them with a leaf, snapping the bag open and dumping them all into his giant maw full of steak-knife teeth.

"MM-MMMPH, oooh thassa good cronch on them bad boys."

"Can you help us get out of here?" asked the pilot. "We need to get to Bowser's castle."

"I sure can, come on in an' follow, don' git lost now ya hear?"

Travelling further to the depths, they followed the pirahna plant through other pipes with the stone emblem of the kingdom shining brighter anytime they ventured east. The further they went, the more complicated the pipes became as they twisted and turned, looping round each other constantly in spirals with the Starfox team climbing over the network of steel and trying to trace the right path.

Their eyes managed to track the right path, but the mazes turned more complex with each passing room as their bodies were sucked in and out of passageways whilst keeping behind Paulie who seemed to roam on an infinite stalk through several tunnels. Soon they landed in a garden full of pipes, every single one of which was occupied by another pirahna plant in colours of green, yellow and purple.

"HOOO!" Paulie shook his stem. "Them seeds sure woke me up thanks fer that bud! Alrigh' HEY PAYA!"

"EH?!" a purple plant sneered.

"Open the way up, we got sum friends fer Bowser!"

"Uhhh, ain't that the way down to-"

"Ye-ye-yeah just let 'em they're cool."

"Thank you again," Fox waved to Paulie, "we appreciate the help."

"An' I appreciate the delivery, MMMPH!" he chomped on more of the seeds. "Y'all keep safe!"

"This place is seriously weird," Wolf rolled his eye, "talking plants now, maybe I shouldn'ta eaten that mushroom."

Sinking herself down into the pipe, Paya retracted to let them pass as the three travellers slipped in, the jangling sound of bells disappearing into the void as they fell suddenly very fast, hurtling towards the bottom with a soaring rush before they landed, the pipe's exit slowing their descent just enough to prevent injury.

"Well, now what?" Falco looked round seeing walls all around them.

"This way," Fox took up the stone emblem and pointed east, "not too long now, the castle's gotta be up ahead."

"Finally," the bird smacked his fist, "once we get to that brat I'll spank his face harder than his fat little cheeks'll wannit!"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK CLOWNBOY!"

The lights suddenly burst upon them, blinding their senses as they found themselves in the midst of an arena shaped like an octagon. The roaring chant of an audience could be heard through a tannoy system pre-recorded, despite the seats being full of bodies hidden beneath the harsh gleam of the spotlights. Two gates stood, one on each side of the coliseum as there stood above them a jumbo screen with the face of Bowser Jr., proudly sitting upon his throne with his shining staff blinding half the screen.

"YOU BROKE MY MINI-MONITOR!" his voice boomed from the screen. "NOW I GOTTA BRING OUT THE BIG BOYS!"

"Ahhh JUST the brat we wanted to see!" shouted Wolf. "You ready fer bedtime yet, cuz daddy's coming to put you down!"

"NO HE AIN'T, HE'S STILL ON VACATION!"

"He's going to come back eventually," Fox spread his arms, "and when he does, you're in BIG trouble little guy."

"DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!"

He slammed his sceptre down causing a shudder through the earth.

"YOU WANNA FIGHT ME THAT BAD?! WELL HERE, LET'S SEE YOU HANDLE THIS!"

The gate opened under the monitor with a rumbling shudder as they heard the sounds of footsteps. Bracing themselves to fight the three jesters pulled out their guns with a jangling of bells and the audience roaring louder with fake anticipation. Stomping thuds shook the earth as they saw looming shadows, giant shapes with thick arms and stubby feet as slowly they ventured into the light. Three bulging golems shaped like Bowser Jr., all of them with the same plastered expression, but each one of them having a different weapon.

"Are those...statues?" Fox gasped.

"Naaah," Wolf sneered, "look more like cushions, which is good for me."

"Why's that?"

"Because I got these." He brandished his claws that he scraped together. "Time to break this kid's toys, you ready?"

"Hell yeah," Falco twirled his blaster, "let's DO THIS!"

"ATTACK MY PRETTIES, ATTAAAAACK!"

Rushing towards them the three giant plushies came with a ferocious step, one armed with a sword and shield, one with a spear and one with a two-handed axe. Fox took on the swordsbeast as he fired for its head, deflecting the laser with its polished shield of metal as he ducked sliding between its legs, backflipping up behind the plushy monster to scar the treads of his boots deep into its back.

The creature swung behind itself with a hard bash of its shield against Fox's face, the sword still sharp enough to be dangerous as McCloud rolled under the slice to swing out his leg, kicking the back of the plushboy's knee to send it stumbling before he slammed both fists into its snuggly skull. His driving punch did little to damage it, bouncing off almost as it stood back up with a horse kick to McCloud's stomach and sent him rolling before it turned to advance with charging blade.

Slitting his eyes the pilot braced himself as the gladiator closed the distance, thrusting savage with its sword as Fox jumped aside and stomped on the blade to leap up the plush warrior's shoulder and stompkick its head. The Bowser Jr. mimic swung up its shield to smack him off, McCloud falling with a diveroll to fire into its back with two laser shots that charred through its inside, showing pieces of white beneath the pale orange fabric.

"Huh...they really are toys. But those weapons aren't."

Whilst Fox took on his opponent, Falco faced the spear-wielder who came spinning towards him with a dance of death, the stuffed toy's double-ended polearm twirling around its body with surprising agility. He hopped over the first sweep and ducked under the second, rearing back his body whilst the sickle-blade went inches above his stomach and plucked the belt of his costume with a searing slash.

"Hah, you call that a shave?!"

He sprang back up and slammed his head straight into its chest.

"I prefer a little off the TOP!"

With driving fist he crunched through its jaw, slamming the pudgy-faced Jr. mimic backwards before it pushed its spear behind and vaulted forwards in a springjump, leaping off the ground with a plunging stab as Falco swerved hard to fire his pistol at the back of its head, punching a hole through the soft fabric that started to drool thick clumps of cotton fluff down its face.

That did little to stop it turning round to come thrusting with a dozen stabs that Falco evaded with each jingle-jangle step, strafing fast before the Jr. copy reached too far with its lance and overstepped to teeter on one leg, Lombardi sweeping the other to knock it out underneath and send the creature plummeting to the floor.

Across the arena Wolf took on the third gladiator, the axe-wielding plush toy who with brawny arms overstuffed came swinging with its halberd to crunch down into the earth as the mercenary dodged fast to make a flying slash, scarring its face to pluck open the threads and send cotton falling down its chest. Staggered by the grievous blow with its head already deflating, the Jr. toy tried to spin-strike towards him in a whirling cyclone with the weight of its axe leading it on towards Wolf.

"Heh. Alright." He spread his arms open wide. "Heads, or tails, punk?"

With roaring surge it came spinning faster to chop his head, the ground rumbling with the fury of a tornado as dust scattered off the bricks and the crowd grew quieter from the howling gale that approached him. Two seconds before it struck, he pulled out something from his belt and flipped it like a coin in the air, the blade of the axe crunching against a small metal hexagon that blasted a vile red forcefield to lacerate the copy's arms within seconds, like popcorn bursting from the seams.

"Tails."

The warrior staggered far with its axe flying off to strike against the wall before it felt a boot crush its stomach the same time a gun pressed under its chin.

"You lose."

He smiled like the reaper just before he pulled the trigger, a searing blast that ripped half his opponent's face in a flurry of ash that spiralled to the heavens before its body crumpled with a carved-open head.

"Too easy," Wolf snatched his reflector from the sky, "a punk like you came for free, and I still want a refund."

"OH, YOU THINK MY TOY'S TOO BORING?!" snapped the real Jr. from above. "WELL, HOW ABOUT WE PUT IT ON HARD MODE?!"

The plush figure was suddenly revived with a burst of lightning from above, crackling blue energy that reforged its body with a sudden hard plating of steel that covered over its grievous wounds. Fortified with armour, the knight stretched out its arm towards the axe that magnetised with force, swinging back to its thick fluffy mitts with a creaking of fingers and a hard-plated face. The pudgy snout and babyfat cheeks of Jr. still showed on the helm but now looked fiercer, as it came down with a heaven's strike from above that crunched through the brick.

All of the plush fighters had gained new armour to cover their wounds, the sword-wielding beast coming after McCloud with vicious diagonal strikes that he dodged left and right, the shield slamming overhead to try and crush his head as he blocked fast with his reflector to make it recoil hard in a stagger. With a backflip he doublekicked its hard metal chin before forward-flipping to slam the heels of his boots into the top of its head, stunning it twice enough to make it stagger.

"COME ON!" Fox shouted hopping on his feet. "You think I'm a clown, well here comes the punchline!"

Taking up a boxer's stance, the pilot's headdress jingled menacingly in the light of the coliseum as his opponent swung his sword straight for his head, the fox ducking right under in a hard lean but getting caught from the side by a striking clang of the shield to knock him down before the sword came cleaving for his head. He rolled fast out of its path and fired for its head with multiple shots, heating up the front of its steel scalp with multiple burns as it put up its shield to come bullrushing for him.

McCloud pulled back his fist, reaching for his belt as the glorious shield loomed upon him showing his warped reflection. With a daring punch he struck against the shield that suddenly recoiled with a blue ring of light between them, the monstrous armour staggering hard as Fox showed his reflector within one hand. The plushy warrior came for him once again, the costumed jester dodging right beneath the sword to slam his reflector-fist into its thigh and make it stumble, the gladiator spinning with sword in a backhand slash to try and regain its balance before McCloud ducked and fired up his boots with a roaring blast.

"IT'S OVER!"

With a rising kick he shot upwards to crunch his knee hard into the armoured head, sending it crumpling backwards and almost lifting its body off the ground by a few inches from the severe strike. The pilot finished his opponent with an axe kick from above, cracking his metal heel straight into its damaged head and crushing the soft fluffy skull inside as cotton wads burst from its helm, before it crumpled into the earth.

Falco took care of his opponent fast as he clicked on his boots to suddenly spin like a ballerino, wings aflutter as he surged up a small but brief typhoon that dared the spear-wielder to come close and try its luck. When it tried to thrust for his head, the bird suddenly kicked mid-spin with the force of a turbine and cracked the spear in half, the jagged tip stabbing into the dirt as he quickly rolled to grab it and arm himself against the other blade.

With clashing steel that shone in the light, Lombardi struck back every swing from the toy knight until the seventh scrape, parrying sharp as the spear glided off his blade before he jumped forwards and stabbed hard into an opening of its throat. Planting his feet on tis chest he tore through the cotton and sprayed white across the ground, causing the creature's head to deflate as it struggled to clutch its neck and fail to keep all its wadding in.

"Too bad, AIRHEAD!" Falco boasted. "Now who's next?!"

" RAAAAAARGH!"

The sound of fury from afar caused them to turn and see Wolf grappling against the axe-wielding plushy. The armoured Jr. mimic came down for his head as O'Donnell slammed both his hands on either side of the axe's blade, struggling to force it back as the cuddly toy's arms shook with increasing effort to push harder upon the intruder. The wolf tightened his thighs and braced his feet, feeling the ground just before he threw the axe to one side to sweep past his left and slice a whisker of his fur in passing, before he crunched his knee hard into the fighter's wrist and dent the steel brace.

In its shock the plushy dropped its axe, Wolf grabbing it to feel the surprising weight as he smiled with a cruel glint in his eye. Clicking on his reflector he tossed it up high behind him and swung the halberd towards it, the sparking burst of its magnetic recoil making him spin suddenly faster the other way and become a whirling tornado of destruction. In three passes of the monstrous axe, he severed a leg, carved open the belly and released on the third swing to decapitate the knight and send it flying through the air. Straight towards the prince on his throne.

"A-AAAAIIIGH!"

Paralysed with fright for only a brief moment, he swung his sceptre to try and stop the looming axe but he was too late. The hard cold heavy blade crunched into the glass and shattered the jumbo screen with a flickering burst as an explosion crackled through the air, clouds of fire swirling above as shards rained down upon the arena. The audience fell quiet, or rather the machine for their voices did as the Starfox team realised that their audience had in fact just been dozens of plushy toys sat up on seats.

"Well?" Wolf took his bow. "Are you not entertained, you little punk?"

"Y-YOU, YOUUU!"

The sounds of a screaming fit came from the broken monitor, flickering partly to show the child prince stomping and ranting and kicking the carpet to sometimes grab and shake the throne with bawling tantrum.

"YOU, Y-YOU, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT NOW!"

"Ohh?" Wolf stepped forwards through the glassy field. "Why don't we settle this then, mano a mano?"

"FINE, YOU WANNA COME AN' FIGHT, YOU'LL GET A FIGHT!"

The large gate remained open as a light flickered on through the tunnel underneath.

"I SAVED THE BEST GAME FER LAST, BUT THIS ONE YOU'LL NEVER WIN, NOT IN A MILLION JILLION YEARS!"

"Don't push your luck," Falco pointed at the flickering screen, "we're only getting started, you haven't seen what we can pull off."

"AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT I CAN DO, SO COME ON UP, MAKE MY DAY, I'LL CRUSH YOU, LIKE THE DUMB STUPID BORING CLOWNS YOU ARE FOR RUINING MY FUN!"

The screen flickered off as they looked to each other, a smile drawing on their faces as they headed into the darkness.

"I think someone needs a diaper change," said Fox with a toothy grin.

"Guess we better put him to bed once and for all," Wolf cracked his knuckles.

"Remember, we're just getting rid of the sceptre, if we hurt him the king will have our heads."

"So where IS this bigshot king?!" Falco scoffed throwing his arms. "If he's so high an' mighty where the hell is he at?!"

"Probably invading some other country," the merc scratched his eyepatch, "either way, I'd rather not have to deal with more kooks so let's just get rid of his damn toy."

At the end of the tunnel they found a lone pipe, this one coloured red with a venomous glare and a lid placed on its top. A lock was on the front shaped like the emblem Fox had been given, which he fit inside to make the lid open up with a creak, before they jumped down inside the dark.

The first thing they felt when emerging was the insufferable heat. Hell had come to them in the form of a volcanic peak with roaring pits of lava and treacherous paths that ran crooked over the grand caldera at the top of the world beneath a deep purple sky of crackling bolts. For most visitors who would dare to invade the castle, they would have to face a terrible journey of bubbling froth that could melt through bone, a searing mist that raked against the skin, and an onslaught of guards whilst dodging between meteors spewed up from the volcano.

But luck had come to the Starfox team when they found their exit had brought them to the back of the great stately castle. A towering fortress of demon's facade borne of cold black obsidian with red steel doors and jade parapets, studded with spikes around the rim of each top. Thunder howled from above their heads, lightning striking against the castle with a vengeance profane across its tiled roofs, the windows staring across its kingdom with a despot's glee.

"Woah," Falco twitched stepping back, "THIS is his house?"

"Size of a freaking space station," Wolf muttered.

"It ends here boys," Fox tightened his fists, "we stop that little brat, make him send us back home and all's well."

"How we gonna get back?" Lombardi shook his head. "I get this kid's got magic, but-"

"We ask that wizard," O'Donnell shrugged, "owes us a favour for stopping the li'l punk."

"I sure hope so, this place looks like it's built on welchers."

"Says the flyboy from Zoness, you must be real familiar-"

"I am, what's your point?"

The look Falco gave him surprised Wolf as he nodded, saying nothing further as they walked up to the back entrance of the castle. A giant set of doors stood before them in scarlet, with all three of them kicking hard to burst them open and start marching towards the throne. The corridors stretched with a crimson carpet between ancient walls of burning torches with portraits and statues, depicting a foul beast studded with a mane of fiery amber, the snout of an ox and a spiked turtle shell upon its large muscular back.

Despite being the easier way in, there were still obstacles in their path through burning halls filled with lava, where steel mesh walkways floated over them as flaming orbs with a strangely sentient mind would leap and splash through the holes. They hurried leaping across, hotfooting to the end as quick as they could with the fireballs daring to charge at them as they ducked and wallkicked past to reach the other side.

The next hall however had three doors staring them down, each one identical to the next but all with large numbers painted on the front, as well as the grinning face of Jr. poking his tongue out at them.

"One last game huh?" Fox rubbed his head. "Feel like that was said two games ago."

"I don't even remember now," Falco whined, "I'm so damn tired."

"Buck up," Wolf snarled, "just pick a door, one each, whoever gets to that kid first puts 'im down first."

"No." McCloud put a hand in front. "Whoever gets to the end first, waits for the others."

"Aww, you worried about me pup?"

"You know as well as I do that you never fly alone."

A firm look from the pilot made the mercenary grin, staring harder with his eye into McCloud's younger face as a staredown began briefly.

"......alright." Wolf nodded backing up. "Not that I need your help, but...I wouldn't want you to get wrecked before I get to have any fun."

"Good. Alright, pick your doors and let's go."

They entered their separate halls and marched on through, each one of them containing a different surprise for them to face. Wolf in door number 2 found himself on a conveyor belt, suddenly propelled forwards as small nozzles in the walls blasted him with tar to smother his body. The giant pillow that came swinging for his head he would have dodged if not for the tar turning hard in the heat of the castle.

The pillowcase smothered his body in something soft and fluffy before he was viciously spun around in the air like a baby's rattle, roaring with frustration and a dizzyness coming over him before he was dumped and rolled out the bag to hit against a dead-end wall. Staring upwards at his feet, he was covered from head to toe in goonie feathers.

"I'm gonna pulverise that little punk," he snarled coughed up a feather.

Door number 1 had Falco of course, and at first it seemed like he found the right one with another door at the end of the passage and a red carpet welcoming him. He searched briefly to either side for any traps, before running fast and low as quick as he could to reach the exit. When he got to the middle of the hall however, he found his feet had kept running but he was somehow no closer to the end.

"Wh-what, what the hell, it can't be that long!"

He ran faster and faster, burning with fury and sweat across his brow as his feet kept pounding the carpet but still he was nowhere closer after a solid minute of rushing. He looked down to find his answer, the carpet disguising a conveyor belt that rolled him back to the entrance as he quickly leapt off the wall to try and zigzag to the exit. A boxing glove slammed his head down from the ceiling and he rolled back once again.

"GUH, YOU, GAAAAAARGH!"

He tried once again, the bird blasting his jets from his boots as he zigzagged faster along the walls, dodging the glove this time as two custard pies sprang out of fake stones to try and smash his face, the pilot dodging between in a spiral thrust with the tins barely grazing his thighs before he rolled hard with a bounding leap to grab the door handles. His fingers crunched into stone, following his head as he found the door to be a flat painting. Then, as if his humiliation wasn't enough, the ceiling opened to splash an entire gallon of honey onto his feathers and sticky them up with thick goo.

"A-AAUUGH! YOU, S-STUPID LITTLE PUNK I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!"

With a shudder he pulled himself up and ran back the way he came, his boots turning wet and thicker with each step as the conveyor belt stopped letting him run all the way back to exhaust him faster. By the time he reached the entrance of the three doors, Wolf came out of his hall looking like a ghostly chicken.

"Don't ask," he snarled.

"Same," Falco nodded, "guess number 3 was right."

"Yep."

Without another word they headed into the true hall where Fox had gone, a row of statues facing them down along with a set of cannons in front. The moment the door closed behind they would fire with statues shooting flames and the cannons shooting giant bullets with flinted eyes of potent rage. Ducking under the spears of flame, they rolled along the carpet and leapt over pits hidden behind small rises in the floor, the large bullets exploding behind as Wolf leapt upon one to make it sink into the ground

"HAH, like crossing a river!"

"Yeah of lava!" Falco rolled his eyes whilst zigzagging between the walls. "So you can hopskip bullets, big deal!"

"I'm putting that on my resume when I get back."

"You don't HAVE a resume, and no one would hire you!"

"Hey, never say never!"

Hopscotching his way through the barrage, O'Donnell became a phantom as he dunked each and every bullet he stepped on into the ground with small bursts jetting him forward, diving behind the firing range and kicking open the next door as Falco zipped off the wall and slid under the shots, swerving between flames with his head a-jingling of gooey honey before he jumped past the cannons.

"You made it!"

Fox smiled as they left the firing hall. He said nothing but gave a sympathetic nod to the feathered wolf and honeyed pheasant as they gazed upon the last door, the greatest of them all. Studded with red and green in alternating patterns, the emblem of Bowser printed firm across its centre with a snarling horned face as they pushed it open with a shuddering grind.

"SO!" Lightning flashed across the windows. "Yer finally here!"

A long carpet of threaded gold and ruby led up towards a grand resplendent throne of velour and carved gems with spikes. The windows sparked on either side with violent shots of white across the massive hall where banners fluttered with the royal seal. The prince of the Koopa Kingdom grinned with fingers tented, his pudgy little form far outsized by the throne seat with his sceptre leaning beside him, which Wolf immediately looked to at its glimmering source of power shining a solar force of cyan fury.

"You twerps are a buncha real bad toys, not even funny, yer the worst stupid clowns I ever met!"

"Takes one to know one," Wolf twisted his neck, "hope you're ready for bed, cuz I'm gonna put you to sleep one way or another."

"OH YEAH, WELL I'LL PUT YOU TO SLEEP HARDER!"

He shot a brazen spark of energy from the staff, the crew dodging when it struck the back wall and sizzled a deep black char into the stone.

"Playtime's over junior," Fox spread his arms walking forth, "now let's finish this, what's your last game?"

"Hehehhhh, hehehehehhhh, EHHHEHEHEHEHEHHHH!" the boy kicked his feet with a nasty shiver through his neck. "You know, I thought I'd wanna play with you but you broke my favourite toys, so guess how bad I'll break YOU!"

"Bring it on short-stop," Falco taunted with beckoning wing, "you're about to get schooled by three clowns, guess what that makes you."

"SHUT UP!" He leapt off his throne with his staff in tow. "You wanna know what my last game'll be?!"

The rod of power slammed into the floor as the walls shook with vengeance. Staggering on their feet the trio braced themselves for a reckoning as something rose from the centre of the floor. A low wall of stone split the room in half as Bowser Jr. waved his wand to summon another ball of bright energy.

"You ever played volleyball?! Cuz here's what's gonna happen! I spike this ball on your faces, an' you get sent to the dungeon, FOREVER!"

"And if we spike you?" said McCloud.

"Yer gonna hafta try real hard, cuz I'm INVINCIBLE!"

He thumped his staff once more to summon a wandering light to his body, wrapping around him like a serpent of the stars to slowly cover his form in protective armour, hard-padded with an odd magic coating as Falco rolled his eyes.

"Of course he cheats, this stupid kid."

"I AIN'T STUPID, YOU'RE STUPID, cuz guess what happens if you let the ball even TOUCH the floor!"

"Oh what, we don't get ice cream or something?!"

"NO, I TAKE AWAY YOUR FANCY SHIPS!"

With a swing of his sceptre he magicked up three small models that could fit in his palm. Their eyes widened with a horror on realising it was their arwings, perfectly fixed and in collectible form at all good stores not available to this region.

"HEY, WH-WHADDAYA DOING?!" Falco blustered.

"YOU BETTER NOT MESS WITH MY BABY!" Wolf pulled out his gun immediately.

"Hehehehhh, NOW you care." He tossed them in his hand like marbles. "These are how ya got here, right?! If my big ball hits your side of the court, WHOOPS, ya lose yer spaceshiiiips!"

"Kid, stop it!" Fox stepped forwards with his hand up. "Those are NOT toys, those are delicate space-faring vessels-"

"I DECIDE WHAT'S A TOY AND WHAT ISN'T!"

He threw the arwings in the air and zapped them away to parts unknown.

"AND IF YOU DON'T WANNA GET ZAPPED, YOU BETTER BE FUN!"

With a swing of his sceptre he hurled the ball of light towards them, Fox quickly throwing his reflector to recoil it back across the room towards Jr. who stepped to the side and swung his rod like a bat. Falco and Wolf took out their own reflectors in turn as the match would begin, with no umpire to call and playing for keeps in the final round.

At first the pace was easy, the ball bouncing back and forth like a balloon with a gentle drift as they took their positions, spreading on their side of the court to keep it from touching the floor. Falco took on the air, bouncing backflips off the wall to keep punting it over the wall, whilst Fox covered the ground with Wolf as they alternated their power between their reflectors to go light or heavy with the hits.

The wily prince was surprisingly adept at keeping up despite his pudgy form, rolling across the ground and swinging with his sceptre to keep it knocked back. Then he made it faster every time he struck it, and no matter how hard Wolf could hit it, it would never reach the same speed as what Jr. gave to it with a twist of his wand. Sometimes he got even more dastardly and jerked it sharply in one direction, causing it to swerve like a lightning bolt as Falco changed his course the last second to punch it back.

"THIS KID IS REALLY TICKING ME OFF!" he shouted on landing.

"I got a plan," Wolf said beside him, "you guys keep him to the left side of the court, I'll swipe the staff."

"Alright," Fox nodded, "watch yourself."

"HERE COMES THE BIG FIIIIIVE-OH!"

With a mighty swing Jr. hurled the ball like a hammer, tossing towards them to rebound off the wall behind them as Fox quickly turned to kickflip it above the ground, with Falco running past to drive it back off the left wall and keep Jr.'s eyes away from Wolf skirting round to the right. His eyes lit up towards the staff as he leapt over the low divider and tried to snatch it.

"NOT A CHANCE, BOZO!"

The prince turned fast and shot Wolf with his wand, zapping him also to parts unknown as he disappeared without a trace.

"WOLF, NO!"

"Ehhh," Falco shrugged, "solves one problem I guess-"

"It's time for NEW BALLS!"

With a slam of the rod he changed the room all of a sudden, the low centre wall disappearing as a giant net appeared behind them, with a smaller one behind the prince.

"Hope you can keepy-UP!" He dropped the ball of light down to the ground. "New rule, if it goes in the net, youuuuu're OUT!"

He swung his staff like a golf club, sending it straight for the goal as Falco dove in front to smack it back with his reflector. With the ball now rolling they could divert it more easily, Fox kicking it along as he tried to skirt and weave to kick it back towards Jr.'s net. As small as it was he could easily protect it with a strike of his wand, shooting it back with a deadly force that made Falco guard sharp with his hands to punch it back.

"Oh come on just end already!" the bird snapped.

"We have to keep trying!" Fox shouted. "Is there anything we can do to neutralise him?!"

"Yeah, my fist in his face!"

"BESIDES that!"

"Well one of us has to knock it outta his hands, I got a better idea!"

Falco braced himself for the next strike, the chubby prince swinging hard like a homerun towards the goal as Fox quickly rolled under the ball's path to slow it down with reflecting boost shooting high. Falco jumped to hit the orb, with McCloud using his jetboots to slam it forth straight to Jr.'s staff. He managed to swing it back, but too late he saw Lombardi loom from behind the sphere and dive for the sceptre.

"SAY GOODNIGHT YOU PUNK!"

"N-NOOO, IT'S MIIIIIINE!"

Locked in a tug of war they wrapped their hands around the staff, pulling hard back and forth with Jr. trying to smack Falco on the head before he could wrench it away. Fox ran up to try and help, but the prince quickly thumped his wand and summoned back the three tiny arwings to come falling right beside the bird.

"WAIT, NOOO!"

He lunged for the model ships and clutched them tight before they hit the ground. Then he saw Jr.'s face smile above him.

"Awww nuts-"

He was zapped straight out of the castle, with all their ships leaving Fox alone with the koopa prince as lightning struck sharp against the window to silhouette the room.

"Last chaaaance." Jr. grinned tapping his wand. "It's the ninth inning and you gotta strike this one."

"I'm ready." Fox gripped his fist. "Any game you want, I'll win it fair and square."

"Heh. Deal."

With a magic storm swirling through the air he changed the soccer goals into hoops that stretched up upon stilts, with Jr's hoop being of course made smaller.

"Ready to play?!" the prince started bouncing the orb.

"Hm...sure, we could do this game," Fox grinned crossing his arms, "IF you wanna be boring."

"Huh?!" the prince scratched his head. "Whaddaya mean, it's basketball, that's super fun!"

"Yeaaah but...you ever done basketball in zero-g?"

"Nah-uh, what's that some kinda nerd game?!"

"It's basketball, but you're flying," Fox tapped his head. "We used to play it all the time when I was a kid."

"When yer...flying?! How, you don't got any wings!"

"Up in space, you can float anywhere. But yanno, if you wanna be boring and do basketball like this-"

"NAH-AH, I'M NOT BORING, YOU'RE BORING!"

"Then give me a REAL game, zero-g b-ball, right here, you win and I'm in your dungeon forever!"

"ALRIGHT, FINE!"

"But if I win, you give back our ships, AND I take your sceptre."

"DEAL!"

With a mighty slam he took the gravity out of the room, Fox suddenly floating with Jr. in tow still holding the ball of light as he cackled with a sudden giddyness from the weightless sensation. The pilot rubbed his hands and waited for the first shot, Jr. throwing the ball too hard to send himself reeling back from the momentum as Fox quickly grabbed to bounce off the wall and hit closer to the net.

The boy smacked it back with his wand, not that there was any danger of it fitting but he swung too hard and started spinning faster. McCloud was in his element, bracing himself against the window and quickly grabbing the ball to dribble it on the ground in large rising loops, bouncing it like a waveform towards the prince who made a tremendous swipe and cracked the ball to the other side of the room. He tried to direct his sceptre to make the sphere hit the net, but his body floated too far and he missed causing him to try and swim back to the centre.

"N-NNNGH, NNNNRGH, DANGIT!"

"Having fun yet?!" Fox crowed with a moonleap. "It's like you're walking in air!"

"Y-YEAH, yeah it is kinda fun but, but, I-i'm not gonna lose!"

"Haha, that's what I like to hear!"

Flashing a smile at the prince, McCloud boosted with his jet-thrusters to his net and grabbed the orb to toss it back, hurling it high above Jr.'s head to make him look up before Fox kicked off the stand of his net to propel him forwards and grab the prince's body to make him spin suddenly faster. The young koopa cried out in a panic, his eyes reeling with a dizzying groan as he managed to catch the ball in one hand with sceptre in the other.

"HEY BRAT!"

He turned still befuddled seeing the shape of McCloud in front of a net.

"Take your best shot punk, I bet you can't get that big fat ball past me!"

"Hahaaa, so it's big an' fat huh?!"

"Yeah, you can't get anything past me with a ball that big!"

"OH YEAH?!"

He swished his staff once more to shrink the ball down to an easy size.

"How about THIS!?"

With a sudden charge he thumped the ball onto the ground, moving his wand to guide it like a tracker as he swam faster towards the fox. McCloud tried to grab his sceptre but the prince tricked him with an overhead sweep, slipping the staff under the pilot's arm and planting his feet on Fox's back. With one stomp he threw him down as the ball came up in his hand, magically drawn by a magnetic bolt from his wand as he rose it high above the net.

"TOOO, BAD!"

He slammed it through as a buzzer rang out through the room.

"HAH, HAHAHAHAHAAAAA, HEEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAAAA, I WIN, I WIIIIN!"

"Did you?" Fox grinned from the room below. "I don't think you did."

"I TOTALLY WON, I SLAMMED THAT BALL THROUGH YER NET, NOW YER MINE FOREVER!"

"Uhhhh, my net?" He pointed to the other end of the court. "My net's over there champ."

"Wha-...HUH?!"

Jr. looked upon his own net. It was smaller than the other, and it was directly above the throne as his eye twitched with a panic.

"I-...n-n-no, NO NO NO NO, YOU TRICKED ME!"

"What, no I didn't!" McCloud shrugged with a widening grin. "I never said it was my net, you just assumed cuz I was in front of it."

"BUT, b-but, BUT, B-BUT I WON!"

"Nope. You lost kid."

He grabbed the ball and hurled it at the sceptre, the boy's weakening grip in a moment of confusion causing it to fly from his hand and go spinning across the room for McCloud to bounce up and snatch it in an instant.

"N-NO, NOOOOO MY COOL THINGY!"

"PLAYTIME'S OVER!"

Fox summoned his will into the staff, causing the basketball nets to disappear along with said ball, with gravity returning as they all fell in an instant with Jr. landing on his tush. With a look of frustration he ran at McCloud with stumbling feet, but Fox quickly thought of something to make him stop in his tracks. The floor turned to glue just in front of Jr., causing him to stumble hard and struggle to pull his feet against the sticky resin.

"N-NO, NO NO THAT'S MIIIINE GIVE IT BACK, GIVE IT BAAAAACK!"

Stepping away from the powerless prince, Fox watched him fall to his pudgy little knees and start sobbing with a furious fit, ranting and shrieking with thudding hands into the glue that also became stuck in turn as he bawled even harder, his face turning red like a cherry with tears down his fat cheeks.

"TH-THAT'S MIIIIIINE, Y-YOU, YOU GIVE IT BACK, YOU STOLE IT!"

"I don't know where you got this," said McCloud gripping his staff, "but this is not a toy, and it's not yours. You lost kid. Accept it."

"NOOOOOO! Y-YOU, YOU STUPID MEANIE-FACE, YOU DUMB S-STUPID CLOWN I HATE YOU, I HATE YOUUUU!"

"Trust me kid...I could hate you more," Fox shook his head with jingling bells, "but now, this is just sad, how old are you even?"

"SH-SHUT UP, SHUT UUUP, MY DAD'S GONNA BURN YOU UP, HE'S GONNA FRY YOU, HE'S GONNA...GONNA...BURNINATE YOU!"

"He shall do NO such thing."

The doors to the throne room opened as Fox turned to see Kamek.

"Young master, this has gone on quite enough."

"N-NOOOOO!" Jr. screamed pounding the glue. "HE...S-STOLE MY COOL THIIIING!"

"And just WHAT am I going to tell your father?!" the magikoopa walked closer with his own wizard's staff raised. "Shall I tell him about the chocolate pudding sea, the dangerous arena games you put on WITHOUT his permission?!"

"UHHH...n-noooo?" he whimpered suddenly balking.

"Shall I tell him about the custard pyramids, or the avalanche you caused, or the fact it was your bedtime TWO hours ago and you have REFUSED to go sleep like a good boy?!"

"NO, NO no don't tell papa, don't tell him he'll take my games away!"

"Yes, he will." Kamek offered his hand to the boy. "You had your fun, now it's time to let these visitors leave, and if you say you're sorry now, I assure you I will not tell your father."

"You...y-you promise?" he sniffed.

"Have I ever broken a promise to you, young master?"

"...n-no?"

"Then come on. Mr. McCloud would you kindly unglue his Highness please?"

"No problem."

Washing the glue away with a scouring thought in his mind, the sceptre followed his command as the prince stood up with a gentle waddle. Without his confidence he seemed more like a toddler, his eyes beady with little tears as his claws fidgeted with a scowl he tried to swallow.

"Suh...s-sorry."

"Thank you," he nodded.

"Now off to bed," Kamek patted the boy's back, "you've had quite a big day, and if you scoot off to bed right now, I'll read you your favourite story."

"REALLY?!" Jr. squeaked with a bounce in his step.

"I promise, young master. Now go on, I'll see you there."

"O-OKAY, YAH, UH...g'night!"

With an awkward wave to the pilot, Bowser Jr. bolted past the throne room to a door hidden behind a partition. The wizard koopa rubbed his glasses and shook his head with a sigh.

"What a day...thank you, for not harming the young master."

"I wasn't planning to," Fox shook his head, "brat or not he's still a kid, I was gonna just tell him off."

"Shall I help you with that?"

He took the sceptre and with his own deeper sense of magic summoned back several things from the ether. A spiralling shudder filled the room and swept out into the air, a change returning back to the Mushroom Kingdom with a long-reaching spell that made Fox's whiskers tingle, and his costume of harlequins disappear to return back to his standard beige uniform before something popped out of the sky.

"GUH!"

"NNNGH!"

"HEY, GET OFFA ME!"

"You put your foot outta my face first and I'll move."

"Falco! O'Donnell!"

"Sup?!" Falco waved from under Wolf with their costumes gone too. "You dealt with that dumb brat?!"

"I would rather you NOT call him that," sniffed Kamek sharp, "as much trouble as he caused you he is still my prince."

"Well your prince got a lotta 'splaining to do," Wolf shoved Lombardi off as he stepped up, "that magic wand's too much trouble, I oughta break the damn thing."

"I know not where this came from, but it is certainly not from here-"

"I'll get rid of it for ya," he offered his hand, "call it a free service."

"Iiii think not." The sorcerer pulled back. "I know precisely how to dispose of arcane objects of mass mischief, I've had to deal with such before."

"Hey, what about our ships?!" Falco marched up beside.

"Your ships are on the roof of the castle, safe and sound. I've also had them repaired thanks to this illustrous staff."

"I'm just glad we could stop him," Fox rubbed his sleeve, "this whole day was a real hassle just one thing after another."

"My most sincere apologies," the magikoopa bowed, "perhaps you would like to rest in our guest quarters before you journey home?"

"You're not shocked at all that we come from space?"

"Oho goodness no, I've studied many stars in my youth and know a great many things that lie beyond our ken."

He tapped his beak with a knowing wink as he swept his hand.

"Now come, let me reward you for your efforts with at least some food and rest."

"About time," Wolf rubbed his belly, "been starving since noon."

"You ate mushrooms didn't you?" Fox jabbed his arm.

"Yeah but they did nothing, I need some meat in my teeth, you know me."

"I wish I didn't."

They smiled despite this as they followed Kamek to the guest rooms of the castle.

The last day of their journey was peaceful, much to everyone's relief. Falco, Fox and Wolf were given a small feast in gratitude, with Kamek disposing of the sceptre under lock and key within a discreet location in the castle to be either disposed, or depowered later on of its exorbitant strength. They never saw Jr. again, the boy too stubborn to meet them, and Kamek not wanting to push the young master into any further rash decisions, along with not trusting at least one of the newcomers to not come to blows.

But for that night there was relief, as Fox, Wolf and Falco ate as much as they could with their strength returned before they would sleep. The next day, which looked exactly the same as the night before on the top of a burning volcano in the depths of a sulfuric state, they gazed upon their arwings looking fresh and sleek as the day they were first built.

"Tis a pity you could not stay for meeting his Majesty," said Kamek bowing.

"We have our duties," said Fox bowing back, "I'm sure you have yours too."

"But of course. After what you told me last night of how you came here, I've discovered the sceptre can force-open a wormhole back the way you came."

"Wow, for real?" Falco squinted. "That's uh...sure is convenient."

"First you say we got no way back, now you ain't happy there is?!" Wolf sneered at him. "No wonder you're single."

"Wh-WHAT, the hell do you know about my life?!"

"Enough to know you're a killjoy at the movies."

"Aaaanyways," McCloud flattened his ears, "we appreciate the help, you sure that sceptre'll be dealt with?"

"Absolutely," the sorcerer waved his finger, "I have it far from prying hands and currently it's transmitting its power from a sealed room to keep that wormhole open above our world. Once you pass on through I shall close it then dispose of the sceptre."

"Glad to hear," O'Donnell crossed his arms, "hnnngh, shame."

"What?"

"Nothing, just thinking about something."

"Well, anyways." The warlock offered his hand to them. "Take care good sirs. Tis unfortunate we shall not meet again, but I hope you have a safe flight."

"No problem," Fox shook his hand first, "glad we could help."

"Yeah," Falco shook second, "you got a nice kingdom for uh...well, when it's not gone all wacky."

"Send me a postcard," Wolf grinned shaking last, "alright, let's move out."

"Uh, are YOU the boss pal?"

"Of my own team yeah."

"Well we ain't your team. So."

He pointed to Fox ready and waiting as he nodded.

"Let's move out!"

So they did, jumping into their ships and revving up boosters ready to fly. Kamek stood back with his robe fluttering in the exhaust, the burning blast of their jet engines sweeping across the roof of Bowser's castle, as they found the wormhole on their nav systems to direct to.

"Alright, G-diffusers good?" McCloud asked over comms.

"Yep," said Falco on-screen, "better than ever."

"No thanks to you," Wolf rolled his eye, "next time I won't waste my shots on that."

"Next time you won't GET to shoot!"

"Take-off checks complete," McCloud said ignoring them, "follow my lead, going V-formation to point X24-Y36."

"Roger."

"Got it."

With a last look to Kamek, he gave a thumbs up as the wizard smiled, waving them off as the arwings took flight and shot towards the stars that hung eternal over the grand kingdoms of both Koopa and Mushroom. Their crafts like silver daggers pierced through the atmosphere, flying higher and higher with burning tips before they broke free of the world and found themselves in the depths of space. Silent. Serene. The wormhole appeared before them, a grand vortex of deep green that pulled them in.

"Once we get back," Fox said, "you're coming with us Wolf."

"Fat chance of that," he grinned on the viewer, "you'll never guess what happened, I lost my cargo."

"Wait WHAT?!" Falco shook his head. "You can't be serious!"

"I know, I'm bummed too, was gonna make a pretty mint with it!"

"You really think I'm gonna fall for that when you just say it-"

"Falco he's right." McCloud rubbed his cheek. "The scans aren't showing up any signatures like before."

"AWWWW...DAMMIT!"

The bird thumped his cockpit as Wolf chuckled to himself, leaning back as he let his ship drift towards the abyss following the two.

"Too bad McCloud," he grinned to the fox on-screen, "maybe next time you'll catch me."

"Yeah." He smiled back. "Next time."

"Oh get a ROOM you two sheesh!"

The two mammals laughed, not certain at what but somehow they laughed as a relief came through when they entered the wormhole and found themselves twisting through the realm between dimensions. The cold dark tunnel of infinity that soon brought them back safely to a point in the Lylat System, somewhere over the moons of Titania. They would travel their separate ways, not a single shot fired in a mutual sign of respect that all pilots had after the long hard battle.

Wolf O'Donnell stroked his chin as he flew off towards the direction of the Sargasso Space Station. He rubbed his eyepatch with a sigh and looked up at the stars.

"That damn kid had it all for one moment," he said, "and still he got outbeat by that pup. Heh."

He put his hands behind his head.

"Guess that precious cargo was worthless after all."