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The Coyote stepped out of his room, freshly showered and dressed for the morning. Immediately, something crunched beneath his feet. He yelped and stumbled away. Whatever it was, some of it clung to his pads. The Coyote stumbled a few steps, then leaned up against the railing of the upstairs landing. He lifted a foot and found bits of hard-boiled egg and brightly colored eggshell clinging to his pads.

"What the hell?" The Coyote brushed his foot off, and glanced back towards his bedroom. A half-dozen painted eggs were scattered across the floor just beyond his door. Several of them were crushed into the carpet. "Who the fuck put easter eggs outside my door?"

The Coyote sighed, and collected the undamaged eggs. He could put those back in the fridge, but he'd have to spend some time cleaning up the rest. The Coyote went to the stairs, and headed down. Halfway down the staircase, a paint bucket decorated in pastel colors and flowers suddenly swung down on a rope. The Coyote threw himself up against the bannister just in time, and the bucket swung right past his head.

Growling to himself, The Coyote hurried down the rest of the staircase. "What in the Easter Bunny's fuzzy ballsack is going on?"

At the very bottom of the stairs, a few bags worth of hard-shelled mini eggs littered the floor like colorful marbles. The Coyote carefully picked his way across them so as not to slip. "Gonna crack my skull open." The ground floor was suspiciously decorated for easter, with wires disguised as grass connecting to doorknobs, blow torches rigged to ropes and pulleys in colorful hues, candy and other treats scattered above beneath windows and doors, and so on. "Who's wasting all my easter candy? Valyrym, is that you?"

Text built of yellowy, marshmallow candies suddenly appeared on the far wall.

Due to restraining order, Valyrym will not be appearing in this year's April Fool's story. Instead, the party of Valyrym will be played by -

"Asterbury!" The Coyote snarled, flattening his ears. "I'm not doing this!"

"Well, ya didn't even let the text finish spawning in!" Asterbury appeared next to him, punching his arm. The gray-furred urd'thin was dressed only in a very anatomically correct Easter Bunny costume, complete with testicles painted like easter eggs. "Happy Easter, Old Buddy!"

"Oh, my god." The Coyote groaned, tossing all the eggs he'd been carrying into the trash. "And now these are ruined forever."

"Hah!" Asterbury thumped his arm again. "You're already doing the Bob's Burgers groan!"

"No!" The Coyote slapped Asterbury across the muzzle so hard it made his head spin all the way around, Exorcist style. "We're not doing that joke, and we're not doing..." He waved his hand at the house. "This. Any of this."

Asterbury wrenched his head back into position. His head lolled back and forth like a wobbly jack-in-the-box. "Well, how else are we gonna do an Easter story for April 1st? You haven't done one since 2018, according to the website."

"What are you even babbling about?" The Coyote sighed, folding his arms. "You look like a worn out bobblehead."

"I'll show you something with a worn out bobblehead..." Asterbury adjusted his shattered spine till his head stopped bouncing around. "Wait, lemme try that one again. I'll show you-"

"No." The Coyote flicked his nose. "You won't. Besides, April 1st is not Easter."

"Sure it is!" Asterbury pivoted in place, looking over all his 'decorations.' "It's that one day a year you get to prank all your best pals, eat a special meal, and then see which giant corporation can successfully hide their corporate greed and cynicism behind a thin veil of vaguely humorous pranks. And then eat Easter Candy till you shit sugar waterfalls for a week!"

The Coyote took a deep breath, struggling not to yeet Asterbury out of existence immediately. "Those are two different holidays, you marshmallow dicked monstrosity. One, April 1stis April Fool's Day." He held up a finger. "That's the day for pranks, and stuff. Hence the name. Two..." He ticked off another finger. "Easter is the holiday with the candy, and the big meal, and so on. It's actually an important religious holiday to-"

"Hilarious people who love pranks everywhere, of course!"

The Coyote grimaced, rubbing his muzzle. "No, you shitburger. It's a holiday that celebrates the resurrection of Jesus."

"Who?"

The Coyote blinked. "Jesus Christ."

Asterbury gasped, looking around. "What's wrong?"

The Coyote pinned his ears. "Whaddya mean?"

"You just swore, like something was wrong!"

"No." The Coyote pinched the bridge of his muzzle. "I'm not swearing. I'm saying the name of the _actual_Jesus."

"Ooooh, right, right, right." Asterbury nodded a few times. "The guy who sells me my meth."

"What?" The Coyote's ears shot up in alarm. "No! And stop buying meth!"

"Well..." Asterbury waggled a hand. "Actually, buying would imply I purchased it with money. But I get meth in return for sexual favors! Technically, I think that's considered bartering. So yes, Jesus, the guy who barters me my meth."

The Coyote growled, baring a few fangs. "I'm not talking about your damn meth dealer! I'm talking about the actual, historical Jesus. It's believed by many that he was resurrected on-"

"Like a comic book character?" Asterbury's eyes lit up. "Oooh, when does he join the MCU?"

"Oh, my god." The Coyote dragged his hand down his face. "If I had anything more than a niche fanbase, you'd get me boycotted."

Asterbury flashed him a devious grin. "Maybe if you posted a story more than once every other year, you would." He cackled, then flourished his hand. "So, what are his superpowers? Lemme guess, he can manifest chocolate eggs and other candy?" He scrunched his muzzle. "At least, I hope he's just manifesting them and not-"

"No!" The Coyote clamped a hand down on Asterbury's muzzle. "We're stopping that line of thought right there."

Asterbury pulled away, rolling his eyes. "Fine, fine. So, who's his nemesis then?"

The Coyote blinked. "Uh...Satan, I guess."

"Satan?" Asterbury tilted his head, grimacing. "That old cliché? What hackneyed writer came up with that?"

"I mean..." The Coyote scratched his ear. "That's basically where Satan came from, so if anything, everyone else ripped them off." He held his hands up. "Look, April Fools and Easter are different holidays, alright? That's the gist of it."

"Fine, fine." Asterbury folded his arms. "What's today, then?"

"April First."

"Which is?"

"April Fool's Day."

"Uh huh, uh huh." Asterbury nodded. "And who's on first?"

"No." The Coyote brushed past him. "We're not doing that." He headed for the kitchen, then turned back around. "What's with all the booby traps?"

Asterbury offered an innocent smile. "What booby-traps? Say, old buddy, won't you be a treat and get your best friend Asterbury an Egg Nog out of the fridge?"

"They don't make egg nog for Easter."

Asterbury blinked. "Really? Even with all the egg shit everywhere else?"

"Yeah, I know, I know." He turned towards the fridge, only to spot a steaming barrel hovering suspiciously just above it. Nearby was a basket full of feathers, along with a fan pointed at the fridge. "I'm going to get tarred and feathered if I open that fridge, aren't I?"

"What?" Asterbury put a hand to his chest. "No! Those are completely unrelated devices, not at all involved in any kind of hilarious April Fool's Day pranks!"

The Coyote sighed, his tail going limp. "You Home Alone'd my house for April Fool's, didn't you."

"I've no idea what you're talking about, best buddy!" Asterbury pointed towards a door to another room. "Now, why don't you grab that suspiciously glowing doorknob real tight?"

"How about I superglue that Easter Bunny suit to your everything, instead?"

"Way ahead of you, best buddy!" Asterbury tugged on his nudist bunny outfit. "They're gonna have to cut me outta this!" He waved a hand towards his crotch. "And have I got a sweet candy surprise for them!"

"Oh, god." The Coyote leaned up against a section of wall that looked safe. "You're even more obnoxious than trying to secure that covid vaccine."

"Already got it!" Asterbury clapped his hands.

"You already got the covid vaccine?"

"Vaccine?" Asterbury crinkled his nose. "Oh, I thought you said, penis gangrene."

The Coyote gasped, horrified. "Oh my God!"

"No, you're right." Asterbury shook his head. "That wasn't a very good joke. Should we try another take?"

The Coyote snorted. "Another take? What is this, Wandavision?"

Asterbury shook his head. "Oh, no, no. People actually liked that show."

"Alright, very funny."

"Oh, lemme do a better one." Asterbury shook his head, starting again. "Oh, no, no. That show had _good_writing, unlike this pile of crème-egg crap."

"I get it! Now shut up before I peel that suit off of you and see what else I can rip off in the process."

Asterbury cleared his throat. "Okay, say your vaccine line again."

The Coyote grumbled, but gave in. "You already got the covid vaccine?"

"Vaccine?" Asterbury crinkled his nose. "Oh, well, I don't technically have the vaccine, but I do have every STD in the known universe! They basically use me to culture all the viruses to develop treatments!"

The Coyote made a face, shaking his head. "Why am I not surprised you have actually sexually transmitted disease?"

"Oh, is that what it stands for? I thought it meant..." Asterbury waved his hand in a dramatic flourish. "Studs with Total Diarrhea."

"What?" The Coyote tried to back away, scooting along the wall.

"Hands off, they're mine!"

"First, that's totally disgusting." He rubbed his eyes as if he could clear away the mental image. "Second, why would you think...you know what?" He straightened up. "I'm tired of your nonsense. And I'm tired of you." The Coyote gestured at Asterbury's bunny suit. "You look even worse in this thing than you did in your usual Technicolor Douchecoat."

"Oh!" Asterbury clapped his hands. "Is it time for callbacks to previous Easter stories?"

The Coyote ignored him. "Shocking as it may be, I think I actually like you better when you're dressed like a-"

"Pirate fucked a box of crayons?" Asterbury smirked. "That's at least the third time you've used that one in an April Fool's story."

"Oh, I know." The Coyote smiled down at the shorter creature. "I'm building up to something with all these callbacks." He rubbed his hands together. "You may say, I've hidden an April Fool's surprise for you nearby, too."

"For me?" Asterbury gasped in excitement, looking around. "Oh!" He pointed into an descent room where a bunch of cool characters with eye patches, sunglasses, guns, and leather jackets were all standing around in stylish poses. "Is it Alia L Jackson and her Hip Young Squad from the last April Fool's story?"

Alia L Jackson spat out the gum she was chewing. "I know you are." She moved her eyepatch from one eye to the other, and stuck her used gum into her own eye. "But what am I?"

"No," The Coyote said, ignoring that scene entirely. "It's just to the left of Alia L Jackson and her Hip Young Squad from last year's April Fools story."

Asterbury pivoted two degrees to the left. "Oh! Is it the three story high butter sculpture of Vatch's testicles?"

"No," The Coyote said, wondering where that came from. "It's just behind the three story high butter sculpture of Vatch's testicles."

Asterbury hurried towards the sculpture. "Is it a memorable callback to all the previous April Fool's Stories?"

"It sure is!"

Asterbury hurried around behind the impressively detailed statue, looking around. "Wait, there's nothing here."

"There will be." The Coyote ticked off a few fingers. "In five, four, three..."

From far above them, music started playing. Thunderously deep bass and drums shook the house so hard the windows shattered. The ceiling exploded as the Parachuting DJ from every previous April Fool's Story smashed through the roof. The DJ crashed into the three story high butter sculpture of Vatch's testicles, splattering nut butter everywhere, a joke that amused the writer far too much.

Alia L Jackson and her Hip Young Squad all broke into dance. "Yeah!" Alia waved her hands in the air, like she just didn't care. Because she didn't. Because she was cool like that, and she always kept both eyes open. "This is my jam!"

The Coyote quirked a brow. "And what would that jam be called?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Asterbury started dancing around as well. "It's the Surprise Buttsex Jam!"

The Coyote grinned at him. "It sure is, buddy."

Asterbury froze. "Uh oh."

Suddenly, Korvarak appeared. "Did someone say, surprise buttsex?"

Asterbury gulped. "Isn't this usually what happens to Valyrym?"

"It was, yes." The Coyote nodded. "Which is why he issued a restraining order against Korvarak, and all things April Fools. And since you're playing the part of Valyrym this year..."

Korvarak curled a foreleg around Asterbury, hissing into his ear. "I'm gonna plug you up like the Suez Canal!"

Alia L Jackson ran over and painted the words 'Ever Green' across his emerald scales, and in smaller letters, wrote 'Ever Given' across his neck.

And with that, Korvarak pinned Asterbury to the ground, and promptly plugged up the urd'thin's narrow shipping lane with his oversized cargo ship. It took nearly a week, dozens of tugboats, and one giant excavator to separate them again. After that, Asterbury pledged to upgrade his canal to fit larger and larger ships into his muddy berth.

Merry April Fools and Happy Easter everyone!