FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

A Call from Thalia Balia, The Queen Oreamnos

My name is Thalia, and I rule with an iron hoof. I'm sure you are wondering what kind of flock we are composed of? Our elders often compare our species to snow nymphs. Winters grow cold, and predators remain fierce, but there are always the lucky few who survive. It's all thanks to our charming cloven hoofs, and beautiful creamy coats that the herd remains strong. Sure, the weak pass on to the great stone mountain in the sky, but if it happens, it happens.

My muscles flex and my hooves dig into the great stone earth, but it yields so that I can reach new heights. With omnidirectional sight, it's easy for me to scan vast portions of the horizon. The great demon beasts fail to catch me from behind, and I make sure to leave only hunger for them. If they persist, and get too close, I remind them that I am the empress. I charge or I run away. The heavy lumbering beasts lose their stamina when chasing me, so I taunt them knowing that I'll outwit them every time. The smaller sets of hungry teeth challenge me with their speed, but I retain the high ground.

If you're still listening to my call, it means that you are also clearly a mountain goat, or some other really dumb animal that needs to mind their own business. As an oreamnos, I would first like to give you my congratulations, as it seems you decided to join the cool herd. Second, you need to understand that this is my herd and we have a hierarchy around here. Wiggle your tail if you understand.

Excellent, let's go over some ground rules. To make things easy to remember, just remember the acronym G.O.A.T. The G stands for "go away." As the queen goat, I retain all rights to be wherever I want, whenever I want. You see the tippy top of that rock face over there? It's mine, and if you even think about touching it you can expect to be catching the pair of these daggers.

I can understand how you feel, it's a really nice rock, and the sun bounces off the snow just right. Organizing a worker's union to rise up against me will simply not suffice. As preposterous as that scenario sounds, let's put it into consideration so that we can understand the meaning behind G. Because you need strong robust goats to defeat me, you'll first need to sort out your own hierarchy. First goat one will try, and fail, but not after wearing me down a bit. Next, goat two will give it a go. The pattern continues until I can't possible withhold the rocky outcropping, but your left with a dilemma. Which one of you will become the next king? To find out, you will have to clash with each other until one of you remains. Unfortunately, the resulting resentment felt from usurping the throne will cause your weaker comrades to disband the pact. In which case, I will return with a rancorous ramming rage and push you down to the lowest rank of oreamnos hierarchy. Essentially, it's a very poor choice for you, and an agitating waste of time for me. After all, I love my rock.

The O stands for oats. You see, I needed a food that started with the letter O to make the G.O.A.T. acronym, but what I'm really referring to is things like seeds, leaves, shrubs, grass, weeds, and whatever edible substance you can think of. Essentially, if you see a wild oat than you need to contact me immediately. As the alpha, I get first nibbles.

The A stands for Aggression. As a goat, it's your job to always be on the attack. Goat's that aren't on the attack get their younglings taken away by eagles. Nobody wants to be that mama goat with a full milk bag, and no kid. If you break the A rule than don't start crying to me because you feel itchy.

The T stands for Travel. Hungry bears are surprisingly good climbers, but their huge mass makes them run out of stamina fast. If you see a bear, just keep moving at a steady pace. When the beast finally makes it to the top of the rocky summit, that's your cue to taunt the bear from the next ridge over. Bears love being made fun of. Popular predator taunting humor includes standing on each other's backs, or taking a long piddle when you know they're thirsting for blood.

Anyway, that covers the basic ground rules. However, we still haven't discussed what it means to actually live your life as a wild mountain goat. If you look down the cliff, you will see a whole other mess of caprinae. Unfortunately, they are different species, so it's easy to get confused by their example. I can't stress the difference between wild and pet goat herds enough. To put things bluntly, non-wild goats have been changed, altered, and conditioned to such an extreme that they can hardly be considered a true goat no more. At least in my opinion. By the way, as the queen goat, my opinion is the only one that counts for anything.

Our herd tells the tale that has been bleated down for thousands of generations. You see, our great horned ancestors were a proud breed. They established the culture of rock hopping which allowed us to survive, where the goats of the lowlands died. Our ancestors are responsible for guiding us to safer ridges, just as their spirit guides us to the great stone mountain after we die. Out of all our ancestors, none is more famous than the tale of Billi and Frida.

A long time ago, there was a young beta goat named Billi. What made him a beta goat you ask? All goats start off with softer and smaller muscles, with a thirst for nutrients that makes them dependent upon their mothers. Yes, even the great Thalia Balia was once a cute little thing, but that's not the point. Anyway, Billi would be taunted by the older, and wiser goats. One of them was named Oscar. Oscar was an older kid.

The two would romp, prance, and play. Billi would eventually get tired and hungry, and long for his mama. However, Oscar had a lot more energy remaining. Seeing their playtime interrupted by Billi's constant fatigue, Oscar would fill a sort of rage boil deep inside him. To satisfy his needs, he would play pranks on the worn down kid. Billi would find himself slowed, as the heavier goat would stand upon his shoulders despite not asking. At other times, Billi would mistakenly turn his back, only to find Oscar's twin spears running him down. After crumbling down a rocky hill, Billi would hear a taunting "Look at that little tiny thing," from Oscar. The older goats would just let Oscar be mischievous as they saw it as a device that would toughen Billi, while the other kids would laugh at his misfortune.

Oscar's pranks did not end with simple displays of dominance. When Billi got a bit bigger, Oscar began to worry to worry that Billi would catch up to him in size. After all, adult goats rarely grow past a certain height, which would mean that Oscar's growth would have to plateau somewhere. Oscar decided then and there that he would enjoy his short advantage while it lasted. He would tell Billi to jump across gaps that he himself couldn't make. As a result, the young Billi would end up falling flat on his face. At another date, Oscar dared the naïve Billi to stick his snout into a beehive. Not knowing what it was, Billi agreed and the resulting stings made Billi's lips swell up to three times its original size.

Billi was becoming increasingly aware of Oscar's shenanigans, but when he tried to complain to his parents they would tell him things such as "Get over it," and "There There, he didn't mean it." Billi decided to hush after it became clear that the older goats had better things to do than listen to a young kid Billi. However, his taddle tailing, as the kids today call it, didn't go past the adorable Oscar.

One day, the two goat kids were wondering through a woodland forest in search of delicious vegetation. You would think Billi was smart enough to avoid Oscar. However, he felt a jealous rage towards the other kid, and began to scheme. Billi longed for a way to get back at Oscar, so he surveyed his surroundings. He found a fallen log, and its smell was an indication that the place was home to a creature most foul.

Billi bounced over declaring "Hey I found something tasty, you should try it."

Oscar looked at him with a raised brow. The vine he was nabbing the leaves off was far better than any food a goat would expect to find from a decaying log. Oscar asked him "Yeah, whatcha got there?"

Billi turned away and pretended to eat at once. He made sure to give off an audible smack from his jaws. It was like he was eating something truly scrumptious.

Oscar wasn't the type to be beaten by a younger kid so he bounced over, and pushed Billi with his greater strength. Billi would end up stumbling to the side. He was as pathetic as a newborn trying to stand for the first time. Oscar dipped his nose into the hole and his teeth could be seen nibbling at something. His eyes perked up with a blissful gesture, and he told Billi, "Wow, you were right, this is a truly delicious weed."

Billi found the strength to stand again, and he jumped over to the hole shouting "Hey, no fair, I found it first!" He tugged at the content Oscar, and Oscar gave an annoyed huff before moving out of his way. Upon seeing the older mountain child make a hasty retreat, Billi exclaimed, "Make way for the fearsome Billi!" He charged headfirst into the log and nipped at the treats.

The treats were not treats at all, nor did they enjoy being lifted by the tail. Nature's authority revealed the striped badge of honor. When Billi raised his head, he realized that he had a skunk by the tail. With an aggressive squeak, the skunk made sure to blast Billi straight on the nose. Now, to explain the sensation of being skunked, let's just say it's a very vile thing. It's kind of like a musty smell, but not the kind we use to seduce mates. The scent is almost blinding, never goes away, and has a sulfuric flavor.

The next week didn't go so smooth for Billi. Oscar would tease him; "Make way for the great and fearsome Billi!" and the other goats would move away from the disgusting smell. Billi had to be scolded not to play with other species. The other kids couldn't stand to be around him, so they went to play with Oscar instead, and Oscar took the opportunity to make up a whole lot of fun stories about Billi. He said things such as "Did you know that Billi is a capra and not an oreamnos," and "I heard Billi was adopted. Also, did you know that his growth was stumped?" The other kids got a kick out of this, and the isolated Billi was unable to defend himself thanks to his previous mistake.

Personally, I'd like to think that Oscar would feel a lot better after out witting Billi. That being said, the story goes in an unbelievably left field direction as Oscar doesn't get to be the protagonist anymore. Spoiler alert, the focus shifts to Billi.

Now something began to change inside Billi. His heart became hard as he started to hate the other kids. His frustration encouraged him to endure the coming brutal winter alone. Not having the company of others to warm him during a terrible blizzard, the trauma flipped a series of switches inside him. By some sort of divine intervention, Billi became the first mountain goat to have what we like to call the double coat. It's course, grey, unruly, and looks absolutely hideous. Even the two legged beasts of today don't want it. However, I suppose I should be a bit more thankful as it's a great antagonist against father frost.

Thanks to Oscar's previous generosity, a second miracle occurred. Billi's many scrapes and bruises needed to heal. He recovered from his many blunders, but his healing brought side effects. More bodily switches mutated, and he became the first oreamnos to gain the ultimate coagulation ability. Where other animals would surely die, our kind gained the ability to heal fatal wounds.

Now there's a really cliché middle section for this story as it was handed down by my not so hot looking elders. It involves things such as Billi, and Oscar learning valuable lessons, and other karmic related things. Yadda Yadda, good triumphs over evil, no one cares. So, we're just gonna skip this section so that I can tell you about the juicy parts of your mountain goat history.

The wuss goat Billi and the cunning Oscar crossed paths at a later date. Spring arrived a bit late, and the two were entering their adolescence. Spears began to grow on the top of their faces. Being male goats meant that the base of their horns would eventually surpass the width of their eyes. No one knows why male horns are so ugly, so let's just pretend they have elegant female horns for the sake of storytelling. Anyway, Billi had a lot of mixed feelings after meeting up with the herd. Billi was happy to see his mama goat once again, but he no longer needed her to survive. Oscar was still a bit larger so Billi's heart sank. The stress of their rivalry was getting to him, and he would have surely embarrassed himself in front of Oscar, if it wasn't for the help of another goat.

Her name was Frida, and her wool was unscarred. Other females her age were brave, and would clash at every opportunity. However, Frida was different, because she would let the other lady oreamnos fight amongst themselves. When a goat challenged her to a duel, she would politely decline before taking the low ground. Remember kids, we have the A. rule for multiple reasons. No one wants to be a useless member of society like Frida.

It may have been her perfectly creamy coat, or gentle nature, but something about Frida was alluring to Oscar. Obviously, Oscar had a lot of better options, but Frida was the one he would side eye for reasons I don't know why. Meanwhile, the scheming Billi was able to pick up on Oscar's genuine feelings. Because Billi was acting like a total stalker, Frida noticed the lame Billi approach, while Oscar was trying to strike up a nice conversation about how manly his pectorals looked.

Having absolutely no taste, Frida let Billi approach. She complimented Billi's ungodly looking hair. It was absolutely sickening, and he would of never of obtained it without Oscar's help. Not only was his charm ignored, he didn't get the respect he deserved for toughening Billi up. The spotlight was being hogged, and in my humble opinion, that story section is a complete waste.

Not being one to back down from a challenge, Oscar faced Billi. "Oh? You're approaching me?" Oscar said as he scraped the ground with his fore hoof. The knave Billi refused to enter the submissive gesture, and lowered his head to signal an attack. A crowd of mountaineers cheered from their rocky stands. Billi rushed towards the unprovoked Oscar, and Oscar dueled him back.

The sounds of their bashing horns was like rolling thunder. No two goats have ever managed to clash with an equally powerful force. Some believe that Oscar's immense strength connected to Billi on a psychological level. An impression was left upon their minds. Billi, Oscar, and their ancestors were left with a permanent thirst for battle.

The two went tumbling down the hill. Frida watched in shock. Rocks gave way from their perch. Oscar was the first to stand up, and he posed to Frida with all his bravado. Unfortunately, Frida was a fool. She ran straight past Oscar and went to Billi instead. Billi was met with the sounds of Oscar's taunts, "Don't touch that shaggy thing, you might catch the fleas."

My great grandmother always had a thing for Billi. We argued about this part of the story, because Billi gets to act real cute. I had plans to change it, but the elder goats said it was forbidden. From their perspective, "The young kid goats need to learn what it truly means to be a mountain climber." Don't worry, I had a word with grandma. If I didn't, I wouldn't be the current queen goat, and grandma wouldn't be at the bottom of a ravine.

Billi goes on to oink like a pig, which attracts the attention of Frida. He uses various sounds such as "Hey I like your fur," and "Wanna get out of here?"

Frida responds "Sure, I was getting tired of listening to this dodo bird." The rude goats leave Oscar standing in the dust. But don't worry, there are plenty of other hooves to flirt with. There is no doubt in my mind that they had better muscles, softer wool, and more receptive ears. Only the best was left for Oscar, as he deserved, but Oscar watched the two trot off with discontent. He was like a great general in the process of planning his next move.

Because it was springtime, many predators were beginning to wake up from hibernation. We call it hibernation, but honestly they are just shivering in their dens. Take bears for instance, it was once thought that their process of winter sleep was the same as falling under a magical sleeping beauty spell. In truth, their just being lazy by using sleep to pass the winter.

Billi nuzzles Frida. Why Frida allows Billi to touch her with that disgusting shag carpet is anyone's guess. Personally, I would have kicked him off a cliff or something. However, what actually happened was a bit anticlimactic. Frida looks over to her favorite spot. They sit on a ledge between Dwarf Siberian Pines. It could be compared to my own rock, because the sun bounced off the snow just right. However, the big difference here is that my rock is a prestigious throne. It's great in altitude, where the eyes of predators can't reach, but my loyal herd can look up to me in awe.

Seeing the bears emerge from their den, Oscar catches a brilliant idea. He decides that if he can't have Frida, no one can. Oscar goes on an epic journey down the mountain. The wind turns in his favor, and he picks up the scent of a hungry wolf mama. She is like us, because she has her own young to feed. Oscar piddles on the ground so that the wolf can follow his scent. She struggles to not faint upon smelling him. No caprinae has ever had a scent as macho as his. After seeing him, she wished that she could have been born a goat too.

Her name was Helga, and her teeth was sharpen than the horns of any goat. She could chase any animal and not lose sight of them, because her eyes faced forward. The greyness of her monster fur clung closely to her. The weight of frost would not slow her down. She sensed dinner approaching. Helga howled "Bring me my meat!"

Because predators are complete idiots, Helga went to get it herself. Fortunately, Oscar was a noble breed so his tail wiggled just above what her neck could reach. It didn't hang down pathetically like some sheep tail. With grace, Oscar bounced across rock and melting snow like a beautiful mountain fae. One hair's breath away, the wolf nipped, but Oscar continued to taunt her with his speed.

Upon racing over a hill. Oscar was hit by a stunning sight. He couldn't believe it but Billi was watching the morning sunrise with another goat. It shouldn't have been possible but the ugly thick skinned Billi was able to charm Frida when he had not. The sight of the two eating a shrub together caused Oscar to freeze in fear.

Because Billi caused Oscar to hesitate, Helga was able to catch up. A strong paw raked at Oscar's skin. It was no longer covered in a perfect cream coat, but was stained with ugly red lines. He was knocked aside. In his confusion, he fell head first into a nearby pine. Melting snow was held by the tree, and Oscar's impact caused it to fall from a bed of needles. Falling snow sprinkled down over him. It was like he was being covered by a blanket of glitter.

Before Helga could eat her meal, she noticed the two other goats. They sprang around in prey filled confusion. Billi was a complete coward so he sprinted towards the stage exit, but Frida turned to the wolf. The she goat made herself useful for the first time in her life. She lowered her horns into the attack formation. Helga was not expecting her breakfast to retaliate. She barely managed to sidestep out of the way of Frida's charge. Being an incompetent goat, Frida lightly grazed Helga instead of giving her a deep puncture wound.

Helga was swifter than the wind, and she used her agility to get behind the rampaging goat. The elusive movements of wolves have always compelled our kind to stick to the narrow passageways of the mountain top. Unfortunately, Frida was not being very goat like, because she was out in the open. All Oscar could do was watch with a horrified gaze. Helga bit the back of Frida's leg, and she should have died.

In a strange turn of events, Billi charged forward. As we discussed, Billi was a weak goat, but he was also a kid no more. He may have lost many duels to the kindhearted Oscar, but their fights trained the resolve of his next attack, so let's remember to thank Oscar for his tutelage. Billi used his immense Oreamnos size, and trampled over the distracted she wolf. He told her to "Go away."

Feeling herself being launched into the air, Helga summersaulted over the back of Frida. Frida nimbly jumped aside, because she could smell Billi's rage. Of course, Billi had no intention of ever saving the adorable Oscar, but Frida was a different story. With selfish sidesteps, he swung his antlers at Helga. She weaved between trees, and the other goat didn't have a clear charging space. Billi would shave the tree bark with his horn aggression, which caused splinters to fly. Helga tumbled behind Billi a few times, and she raked him with claws as sharp as box cutters. Fortunately, Billi had thick skin. Instead of burrowing his head in the sand to die, he would rear up like an agitated war horse to discontinue her attack.

The hungry wolf stepped aside, and she could sense the tables being turned on her. Noticing that the match had turned into a battle of three against one. Helga turned tail and ran away, but not before sneering "I'll be back." She had a point, if prey could outrun their predators forever, they would have starved long ago. Except for bears, because they eat everything.

The three went back to their herd. At the top of the mountain, they could easily defend themselves in case Helga decided to return. The current queen could smell their anxiety so she addressed the youth, "It's time to depart." The smell of Helga was strong, and she wanted to avoid an early siege. Several members of the crowd whispered amongst themselves. No one had the guts to challenge her.

Except for the dense Billi, who questioned "Why should we leave the lush green valley? Why can't we stand our ground and leave the running to the wolves?" A gauntlet was thrown down. The queen was disgraced to a great degree. Oscar stepped back, he knew it would be best not to associate himself with Billi. Frida was a fool, and she bounced to his side. Billi was confused as to why the crowd was staring at him. The queen slammed down her hoof and silenced the onlookers.

The disaster Billi created had to be rectified. The queen wasn't about to have her authority be undermined by doubt, but she was patient. So she gave Billi a chance to prove his empty words. "Very well, but you must show us that it's possible to survive. Bring back the fangs of the she wolf, and we will become warriors to the bitter end," the queen commanded. Billi nodded in agreement, and Frida followed him. The two set out to defeat the monster.

The disrespectful goats left Oscar. He could see that his childhood friend and crush were given the chance to be alone together. It was a putrid sight, and Oscar could see that he served a foolish queen. Billi had disrespected her, and she responded by rewarding him. Thinking of Billi, Oscar set out to play with him one last time.

In order to find Helga, the oreamnos trotted below the tree line. Billi questioned Frida's motives, "Frida, why are you helping me?"

She replied "Because, I don't want to see you get hurt no more."

Billi failed to understand her reasoning. He was a stupid thing, and thought that there was nothing in it for her. He told her "It's ok if I get hurt. Ending the wolf will allow the herd to thrive." He said it like it was the only thing that mattered to him. She nodded to him, and pretended that victory was the only thing that mattered to her.

The gluttons moved into Helga's den sight. It was easy to find as they followed the carnivorous smell used to mark her territory. Like lambs walking into a slaughter, they could tell she was watching. Beams of reflective eyes shot them from the burrow's darkness. It was clear that she was stalking them. "I admire you for challenging me, but you've forgotten one important thing," Helga taunted.

"What's that?" Billi replied. A snort of hot air blasted against through the northern cold.

"Wolves are pack animals," A ravenous voice howled from behind them.

The foolish goats had their escape cut off as a pair of wolves circled around them. Billi and Frida found themselves standing side to side. Feint nips teased the two. They dodged the initial attacks, but Helga's bluffs were only meant to wear them down. Soon they would run out of stamina, and a pair of teeth would find themselves in their throats. If that happened, they would be doomed as it was the one place hooves and horns cannot reach.

The chaotic shadow like beasts swung round like a hurricane. Billi and Frida's reactive and panicked dance gave them a sense of vertigo. A wolf would get to close to Frida, so Billi would buck. A demon would get to close to Billi, so Frida would charge. Snow was being kicked in the air. Sheer adrenaline was exchanged on both sides of combat.

Frida let out a concerned "Billi, be careful," as she continued to defend.

Billi began to chuckle like a madman. "Heh, you must think you're clever, but you forgot one very important fact."

"Oh, and what makes you so confident you won't be eaten," the wolves barked.

"Oreamnos are herd animals too," Oscar interrupted. Like a great avalanche, the heroic goat like Oscar plowed into the side of Helga. Her forward facing eyes had failed to monitor her side. He jousted her with all his might, and her body was lifted by a pair of horns. She slammed into the side of a tree and she died long before her body hit the ground.

Billi was enamored by Oscar's attack. The distraction gave the he wolf an opportunity to strike. He sunk his fangs into the neck of Billi who let out a pathetic cry. No matter how tough Oscar could make him, there was always a part of him that was weak and could die. In a panic, Frida rushed to his side and she pushed her blades into the gut of the remaining wolf. Frida learned from her first fight. The he wolf wouldn't get the same opportunity to live as Helga had.

Frida went over to the injured Billi, and asked if he was alright. He closed his eyes instead of replying. His body went limp, and didn't move. She let out a shrill bleat, and cried for him to wake up.

Oscar trotted over to comfort her saying, "Haven't you ever heard of the great and terrible Billi?" He kicked the head of the he wolf. The jaws of the corpse opened, and out fell pieces of Billi.

Or at least, it was the grey patches of his double coat. A "Shut up Oscar," could be heard from the caprinae. His smile was fake, and he giggled at Frida like some immature kid. Frida felt embarrassed, because she had almost cried over Billi. Her hooves stamped the stone furiously, and her voice became huffy. She gave him a stern kick, so Billi stopped teasing her and got up. The group could see that his bloody wounds had already coagulated.

The only thing left to do was to discuss the outcome of war. Oscar told Billi that he was never in any real danger the first time they meat Helga. However, he had helped him so the debt was repaid. His original prank was left unmentioned for the same reason that a magician never reveals his tricks. Billi relaxed in the snow, and let Oscar do the talking. Oscar suggested, "You look tired, why not rest and I'll take care of the rest?" He looked over to Helga's hide, and Billi nodded in agreement, because the suggestion seemed nice.

Now that Billi was content, he could be left to his own devices. Oscar turned to Frida, and gave her another chance. "Let's go back, I'll tell you about my rippling biceps. You can touch them if you want?" Oscar was really excited, because he could be alone with Frida at last. It made him feel like a man. He bleated in giddiness, and even thought discussing the prospect of future kids. I wish my fellow goats were as cute as Oscar.

"No thanks," she said, "You can go and I'll stay with Billi." Oscar couldn't believe what he was hearing. Frida turned to the setting sun. It would be chilly soon, and Frida wanted to make sure Billi had company, so she groomed his back. Next, a miracle occurred. It turns out that Billi's disgusting winter coat could be peeled off. Frida is absolutely gross, I've never heard of an oreanos being so dense. The ancestors probably wanted this scene to be romantic, but there's an obvious plot hole. Billi could have shook the winter coat off himself.

Frida may have made a stupid choice, but it would take more to humiliate Oscar. He took Helga's pelt and got a head start. His legs had no trouble climbing the mountain. Soon he would be at the top, and could tell the tale of how the three defeated Helga. They would get to live the rest of their days in that delicious green valley. Essentially, the herd would look up to Billi, he would receive respect for the first time in his life.

Whoops, he didn't mean to drop Billi's trophy. It went tumbling down the side of an icy mountain.

When Billi and Frida returned to camp, they received many stern looks, and could tell that something was wrong. The noble goat queen descended from her throne, and addressed her servants. "Wicked beasts, how dare you return empty handed. What have you to say for yourself?"

Frida looked at Oscar and she pressed him for an answer, "Hold on, we were successful in slaying the demon beast. Won't you vouch for us Oscar?"

Oscar replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but you haven't brought back the she wolf's teeth so it seems pretty clear that you failed."

"But," She stammered.

Billi didn't argue. Instead he gave Oscar a smile. "Glad to see you haven't changed," he replied.

Now that his defeat was certain. The queen silenced Frida's complaints. The only thing left was Billi's punishment for his disrespect, and for making the herd wait. He was exiled from the group. The poor thing trotted down the mountain in defeat. Oscar walked over to soothe Frida, and he noticed the wrinkles under her eyes. "It's alright Frida, you still have me," he said.

Frida had everything, but she tossed it all aside. "Goodbye Oscar," She said. She followed the hoof steps that Billi left in the snow. Oscar's jaw dropped as he couldn't believe he had been rejected again. The pathetic Billi didn't even look back; he had no respect for the herd, that donkey! Frida ran in playful circles around Billi. The handsome Oscar grumbled in frustration, but it's not like he lost anyone important.

The division of the herd changed caprinae forever. Oscar's descendants moved from the east, and settled in the west. They found a utopia of lush green valleys. His descendants transformed. Now, they make up much of the capra, sheep, antelope, and other bovines you see today. As for us, the oreamnos, it's an entirely different story. Billi and Frida started in the east, and settled in the west.

Long ago, there was a strange land of rock and ice. The two goats crossed an inhospitable bridge known as the Bering Strait. An unknown land appeared. With the harshness of many winters, and Oscar's kindness, Billi and Frida started the rock hopping culture we know today. Their ancestors became an entirely unique breed of caprinae. Billi's untamed rage kept our minds in a perpetually wild state, and his tale was bleated down for many generations.

Grandma, can you hear me? The kids in front of me today have received your tale. So leave your useless bones behind and stop taunting me. As for you kids, you've been told the rules, so the only thing left to do is play. Wiggle your tail if you understand.