Brother Light, Brother Dark: In Which Insatisfaction Plagues Donichus

Story by Thundagger on SoFurry

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#7 of Brother Dark, Brother Light


The following novella was written as a collaborative effort between myself and Dragonatic for the People. Project started March 2010. All characters and content are copyright to their respective owners.This series will only be made available for reading in its entirety for a limited time only, with parts released periodically!! All comments, critiques, and criticisms are welcome.

With Donichus giving up the only life he'd come to know well for the past twenty years, the two found little reason to continue their nomadic journey to nowhere in particular. Though Donichus still maintained Jaqaran as a student as well as a mate, every so often, he would withdraw to himself, and the counterpart of his mind that kept him living under his own illusion, which was now chained to walls of his innermost sanctum instead of the thought prior, would start to wail, moan, and curse like a banshee. Sometimes the things it said made Donichus wonder. Being with Jaqaran, living free of the any of life's or tyrant's rules was all he really needed...

So why did he still feel like something was missing?

It had been a few days since his attempt on his brother, the king, and he was slightly bewildered by the fact that hardly anything they did made any real impact. Wanting to take a break from their long travels, Jaqaran insisted that they try to settle down, and so, with nowhere better to be, they adopted identities within a village at close proximity to the kingdom.

Over the past couple of days, when Donichus began to realize there was a simple truth to his overly complex ponderations, his feelings towards his brother began to change as well. Though at times, he admitted to himself that hating him was more of his choice than as a result of previous circumstances he had little power over, he found that learning to love his brother was much, much harder than loving Jaqaran. And when he asked himself why this was, he buried the answer beneath a mindset that such a change is time-consumingly gradual.

As much as he tried to hide it, however, Jaqaran picked up; the boy always seemed to know what he was feeling. The first couple of time he was approached about it, he simply shrugged it off, but when the withdrawals became more frequent, once more, the boy took a stand. It was after a particularly extensive training session, when they were sparring in a field. Jaqaran landed repeated blows on Donichus, which he would then comment with a lackadaisical "Good," or "Well done."

"Donichus," he said, lowering his sword after the announcement for a break. "You can't get at a level any more personal with someone than mating with them."

He grunted.

"It's your brother, isn't it? You don't know what to think about him."

"We may be what we are," Donichus sniffed. "But there are still matters about me you'd do well to not concern yourself with."

"It's too late for that. If it's something you thought you left behind coming back, you know it's got to be important."

Donichus reached around him and pulled his cloak in tighter around himself in reply, his gaze focused off to the side, to nothing in particular. He knew Jaqaran would persist the matter. And as he so warned himself before, brushing him off would prove to be a much more difficult task than brushing himself off. If the boy wanted to know, chances were, he was going to know. Jaqaran sighed and flopped himself down on the grass, his chest heaving as he looked up at the cloudless sky. "Tyrannio was born just a week before I was," he explained down to the ground. "When we were young, we did everything together. Played mischief... studied... fought. We were the same and just as good in nearly every respect. But when you're in a family bent on the inheritance of a throne, that week meant everything. It separated us. And before long, Tyrannio went down a path I knew I could not follow."

Jaqaran sat up again and looked at him, but still, Donichus avoided his stare. "It sooner became apparent that with how alike we were, my being around posed a problem. I became a threat, since there is, and only can be, one king. For this reason, people tried to turn my brother against me. And so I figured... if being so much like him was so problematic, I ought to be someone else."

He sensed the boy was about to place a hand on his shoulder, so he quickly got back to his feet and gestured down at himself to Jaqaran, his eyes furrowed for some reason. "And this... this is who I became!" He turned around and blinked up at the sky. "No one responded well to that either. That's... that's when I started to get angry. I'd already grown so distant with my own brother, why should I seek to gain the reverence of others?"

"Donichus," Jaqaran said softly, fiddling with a blade of grass in his hands. "It said... you were wanted for treason. What happened?"

More questions. Ironically, Donichus thought they would annoy and pester him, but coming from Jaqaran, they were, in some small measure, a comfort to answer. "A fire," he said. "There was a fire I started, though it was accidental. They thought I was trying to kill him, but they desperately needed an excuse to get me out of the way. What he forgot to tell everyone was that I actually saved him from it. I thought Tyrannio would understand, but he didn't. Instead of speaking out for me like the brother he was supposed to be, he gave in to the pressure and had me exiled. I never forgave him for that."

"Donichus..."

"And I don't suspect I will," he suddenly snapped. Right then, a spark of that all-too-familiar vindictiveness lit somewhere within him, and before it could catch on anything, he quickly snuffed it out. He thought telling the story would make him feel better. Instead, it only reminded him of the reason why he resorted to the life he did. The thought would've had the potential to launch him back into his old mindset had he not seen the way Jaqaran was looking at him. With a small clearing of his throat, he sheathed back the sword he'd been sparring with and proceeded out. "We're done for the day. We'll continue again later." He could feel Jaqaran's stare on his back as he walked.

Donichus thought this was all just happening too quickly. There were many things in his mind that needed sorting out, and though he'd had plenty of time to do that, it just seemed like too big of a task, and so he kept putting if off. Eventually, the clutter of thoughts became too overbearing for him. He knew he was being obtuse, but the fact of the matter was that he didn't need or want Jaqaran's lecture on how he should be feeling, especially about his brother. If amends were ever going to be made, he'd be the one to initialize. It was the least he felt he was owed...