Reaching for the Stars - Chapter 35: New Year Cold
#36 of Reaching for the Stars
Surprise update! The obligatory short drabbles. Six short stories of six of the characters from their point of view of the holiday season.
Octo sipped the coffee on the table and flipped the page of the book he was reading. His face was flat, covering the storm inside him. He never expected this. He knew there were some lawfully questionable activities his family might be doing under the cover, but still, this one shook him.
His father told him on the day of his graduation, the filthy secret of the family. While he despised it with every fibre of his being, he couldn't act against his family. His father said his college tuition fee came from it. Heh, as if the restaurant weren't providing this family with wealth anyway.
He had been dreaming about continuing his family restaurant since he was little. He loved cuisine, aside from football and books. He wanted to cook his own food, maybe also to cook for all his university friends. His family planned to open another branch in Barrowisle, but the plan was halted until after his graduation.
However, his father then told him that. He was not to continue the family restaurant, but the family drug operation. He was surprised, shook, and very disappointed. He even contemplated moving in fear his father would force him.
This year's Christmas felt hollow. That night, they sat at the dining table, offering prayers and being thankful for another year of happiness. Afterwards, there was silence as they ate their food. Not even Nicholas, his butler, looked like he was looking forward to serving the food. The unease had been so thick he was sure the knife he had been holding couldn't even cut through it.
Now, he understood the reasoning behind his mandatory weapons and martial arts sessions, and it sickened him to the core. All those awards felt hollow now that he knew. While being able to defend himself was a very valuable lesson, the reason he had to learn it was disheartening.
Losing his interest in reading, he closed the book with a sigh, his ears flattening. He then looked at the blank television screen; his reflection stared back at him. That reflection, on that 102-inch television mounted on the wall with two consoles under it, was innocently staring back at him, either oblivious to or blinded by the grandeur around it.
What would Tom think of him? What would Max and the other guys think of him? What would Kevin think of him?
This... impurity was not curable. For the first time in a long while since his brother's death, he envied him for not needing to endure this. He knew was the only child; he had responsibilities and his parents' dreams upon his shoulders. Now, they were giving him this. This was the first time he opposed his parents so strongly, so much so until they almost had a fight in the study if it weren't for him walking out of the room to calm his mind.
"Pastries, sir?" He heard Nicholas knocking at his door.
The panther stared at the book in his hand. "No, Nico, thank you. A question, is the backyard empty right now?"
"I'm afraid it's not, sir."
"I'll go for some fresh air, then."
He stood up and put the book back on the shelf, then left the room, nodding at Nicholas as he walked away. Slowly, Barrowisle felt more and more like his home, a place where he could be himself. He was looking forward to going back there and building his own life there, away from this... harsh reality imposed upon him.
Yet he knew that neither Wyrd nor Worth nor Should was one to leave the threads of fate unwoven.
Sometimes, he felt bad when leaving his family. His brother looked just fine, happy even that he was leaving, but deep down he knew Hans was sad and missed him. Like last night, they were talking for hours until the alarm rang, catching up with each other after they found the courage to be mellow and open with each other again.
His parents were proud of him, even though he was one year late from graduation. He had a good reason, and his parents still supported him. Even his sister, who acted like she didn't care about him.
"Don't fuck around too much, okay? We miss you here." Hans said as he released his hug, a smile on his face.
His parents stepped forward and gave him a hug. "We're so proud of you, Rob. Just a few more months and you'll be a full grown-up like your brother and your old man." His father laughed.
"Of course I want to be like you, dad, but not Hans." They let him go.
"Say that to my face when I give you food." His brother playfully shoved him. "Send a text when you arrive, okay?"
"Yeah." Max then looked at his sister who was looking at them. His sister might be a silent and reserved person, but he knew she was sad. "C'mere, sis!" He ran towards her and gave her a hug.
"Get off! You're heavy!"
Max just laughed and hugged her harder. Eventually, she quieted down and hugged him back with flattened ears. Nothing like a brother's hug, heh.
He released her and booped her nose. "You're 15, sis, go get a boyfriend before you turn to rust."
At his parents' remark of "no!", they just laughed.
"Gotta miss my annoying lil' sis." He said as he turned away with a smile.
"I'm not gonna miss my annoying big bro."
Max just laughed.
"Here's the bus!"
He let out a sigh. Leaving his family always felt painful, even if he went home every six months. He wished he could stay here for a month. Not that he disliked being on campus; while he missed Tom and Octo already, he also missed his family.
"Take care, dude." Hans put his hand on his shoulder, making him turn around.
He almost burst into tears when he saw Hans' soft smile. Instantly, he hugged his brother again. "I'm gonna miss you so much, bro!"
"Hey, there's always next year. Don't worry." Hans hugged him back.
"Don't make it sound sad!"
"Okay, six months." Hans released him. "Don't be a cry-baby, get your ass out of here! Say hello to Octo and your guys from me. You better graduate this year."
"Will do." He just smiled sadly at him. Then he turned and picked up his belongings. "Bye, everyone!"
"Goodbye, Rob!"
"Bye, bro!"
He got on the bus and sat down, looking at his family waving at him. He waved back until they were out of range.
Next stop, interprovincial bus terminal. Then, Barrowisle.
Kevin was glad that he was leaving. Good riddance,_he thought, _I hope this is the last time I meet him.
While he missed his mother, he hated his brother. Bigot that he was, his brother didn't really like him. Eh, whatever, he was home only for his mother anyway.
Although, deep down, he knew he missed his brother, too.
He sighed; what his brother said was true, he couldn't continue the family. He had no intention of doing that, though, but like his brother said, he was just a homo who fucked everything that walked. Truthfully, he wanted a relationship, but he wasn't sure he was really a boyfriend-material.
Oof, enough home stuff. He was now on campus again. Things were still covered in snow, the coldness almost gnawed at his heart. He needed to get to his dorm before he got too mesmerised by the snow.
"Welcome back!"
He turned around at the voice, then just let out a sigh when he saw it wasn't directed at him. A horse was just greeting their friend.
The wolf pulled his bag tighter and headed to his dorm building.
His face was flat as he opened the door to his dorm room. It was quiet and cold. The new semester wouldn't start until next week. It was not that he didn't want to be late, but because he couldn't bear to be home for much longer. After he graduated and had a job, he'd buy his mother a new, better house and better medications.
Putting his bag down, he turned the heater on and threw himself onto the bed, almost missing it. He ran his paws on it; how many people had he fucked here just for release? How many people had he fucked here for some cash? Maybe Max was right, he was due for a boyfriend. He knew he wanted someone to accept and love him for what he was. Tom could not for personal reasons, and he had put the grey wolf as a good friend instead, maybe even as a big brother to replace his own god-damned biological brother.
Was Tom here? The grey wolf didn't usually go home during the holidays. He was curious why was it the case.
Anyway... was Octo already here? He wouldn't admit this to anyone but he kind of missed the panther. The panther was too proud, but even he had a soft side.
Fuck, going home made him sad instead.
He rolled over to lie on his back. He wanted to take his phone and call someone, Octo or Vilkas or Tom. He felt like shit right now.
His phone rang, and he took it absent-mindedly.
Vilkas Kinky Husky: "U already on campus? I think I'm gonna be late"
Ugh, Vilkas wasn't coming until next week. The husky lived in Barrowisle but on another side of the city.
"yea. fuk u, thanks"
Vilkas Kinky Husky: "Fuck u too. Clean your room ffs"
He sat up and wiped his face. His room was clean... relatively speaking. He and his roommate had cleaned it before they went home, or more like he had cleaned it by himself while his roommate had been too busy staring at him.
If only his roommate were his type...
His roommate was straight, but his hawtness had probably shaken up his... straightiness.
Eh, other than that, they got along well. His roommate had no problem with him bringing people to fuck here, provided he was not in the room.
The red wolf looked over his room, then sighed and stood up to unpack his things.
January meant a new semester. A new semester meant people were coming back to campus.
Tom could only watch through the window. People were coming in, some with their family, some alone. They were parting ways; some were even being dramatic and cried.
He closed the curtains and moved away. Envy was growing inside him, and he had to step away before the void could start talking again. He felt alone, worthless, isolated. Days had been nothing but a mere passage of time, accompanied by Lain or his own mind. He often just sat on his bed, or in the small space between the bed and the nightstand, keeping his thoughts to himself, keeping the violence and harsh words to himself, keeping his self-loathing to himself.
He knew he had friends, but he didn't want to be clingy. He didn't want to be a burden to them... but right now, that was probably what he needed. Even though those therapy sessions clearly told him to reach out, he still couldn't find anyone that he could confide in. His friends had their own problems; he didn't want to add more.
He stared at his blank phone screen on the table. His heterochromatic eyes stared back.
Tom turned away. There was no use in wondering why and how and wishing it never happened now. He knew this was a curse put upon him by fate. His past psychiatrist told him to open up to people, yes, but that was easier said than done--like hell he could tell Martin or Max that he longed for death. For now, he put his eyepatch on; he needed some food. Hopefully the canteens were open.
He put his coat on, then the scarf Max gave him. It made him remember Max and his gentleness. The scarf was soft, warm, and fit him, just like Max.
Just like Max.
His floor was getting more crowded. Martin wasn't here until Sunday before class though, which he thought was the worst decision since the fox couldn't rest afterwards. The wolf closed his door and locked it, only for his tail to be grabbed by someone.
Instantly, it went haywire and slapped that someone in the chest. Tom sharply turned around as his ears went flat and he growled.
"Sorry, dude, I wasn't looking." Kyle said to him, a drunken but apologetic smile on his face.
Tom wanted to jab him, but that apologetic smile held him back. He just stopped growling and nodded at the snow leopard. It wasn't often that the snow leopard smiled anyway, usually he leered or smirked at him.
"You grabbin' some lunch?"
He sighed a bit as he walked away. "Yes."
Kyle walked behind him. Although the snow leopard was probably just going out too, Tom couldn't hold back the feeling that he was following him. He just ignored it, as long as he didn't antagonise the snow leopard then the snow leopard would let him be.
That indifference turned into slight annoyance when Kyle asked him. "Wolf, why you're wearing an eyepatch?"
His ears drooped. "Believe me, you don't want to know."
"But I wanna know, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't."
Tom sighed, more sharply this time. "I had a fight. I literally got a red eye."
Kyle just laughed and whacked his back, almost making him stumble forward. The wolf growled at him, almost kicking him.
"Dude, that's it? I got too many red eyes I can count!"
"Mine is literal, imbecile. Not that you would understand, anyway."
The snow leopard was still laughing, so Tom walked away from him. Every second with him was worse than with no one.
"Hey, wait up, dude!"
Tom's ears flattened and his tail waved. He turned around, almost growling again. "I'm not your dude." He said lowly. "Piss the fuck off."
"Which canteen you wanna eat at?" the snow leopard asked him, ignoring or being oblivious to his warning.
"Why are you even..." The wolf let out an exasperated sigh. "If I tell you, will you be quiet?"
Kyle smirked an affirmation.
"Whichever is open now."
He knew that he was hopeless at this point. It was futile. There was nothing he could do except watch.
Vilkas stepped down the platform and tapped his phone at the exit gate. He was now back outside his house, and he would remain here for the next seven or eight months. Afterwards... he didn't know what should he do. Either he should tell Kevin about his feelings--and probably die from rejection--or just watch the wolf getting even closer with that panther Octo--and probably die from jealousy.
Despite their different species, it was obvious that there was something between them, even if they didn't realise it yet. He was not against interspecies romance, but right now, he... was jealous of them.
The blue husky stared at his phone as he walked, at the last text from Kevin ten minutes ago. Kevin Horny Wolfy: "dude tell me when ur here, im so bored rn."
He could... he could tell Kevin that he was here and he missed him and to help him carry his stuff back to his flat, but...
Softie as he was, he couldn't take Kevin from Octo.
Vilkas took a deep sigh and pocketed his phone. He had had a crush on the red wolf since... since that eventful night in that bedroom. However, he couldn't for the love of himself decide whether to act on it or not. Although hot, Kevin wasn't really his type, emotionally speaking. Still, knowing just how flirty Kevin was and how friendly could he be, not to mention the red wolf was the one who helped him grow up his good boy phase and enjoy life more freely, Vilkas might be in for a tough time. Of course, the fact that they were close and fuckmates didn't help. He could still feel Kevin's tongue in his mouth, or even his length inside him.
Yeah, that didn't help.
"Vilkas, right?"
The blue husky turned his head at the voice. There was Octo, walking towards him with a friendly smile on his face. He really, _really_wanted to tell the panther to piss off but everything about the panther just screamed 'don't mess with me', not to mention the the-only-thing-holding-me-back-from-destroying-you-is-that-you-are-nice-to-me aura he possessed.
He had met him once during the summer festival and several times after that. He had heard from the other basketball and football guys that Octo was actually a nice guy, but he had other opinions.
The panther nodded at him, just as he extended his hand to shake hands with him.
He took his hand back, but then the panther extended his hand.
See? We're not even compatible, he thought to himself as he shook hands with him, a bit awkwardly.
"Cold winter, huh?" Octo said casually.
"Right. Ye just got here?"
"Yeah."
Vilkas took his belongings, but the panther already beat him to it. "Let me help you with that."
It was hard not to be suspicious.
They walked out from the gates into the station. "Looks like you brought lots of stuff from home."
Vilkas shrugged. "My parents love to make sure I got everything I need until they packed for me things I don't actually need."
The panther chuckled as his tail waved contently.
"Aren't ye graduated?"
"Yeah, but I want to start fresh here. For now I still live in the dorm for a month or two until I get a job and a room to rent."
The blue husky raised his ridge. "Aren't the dorms already filled up with the new batch?"
"I live in one of those old housings. Not many new students live there. Besides, three of five of my old roommates are still here too. I'm still looking for an apartment." The panther pulled his bag tighter. "Anyway, you live in the dorm or in an apartment?"
"An apartment. Moved out from the dorms in the third semester."
"That's nice. If I may ask, though, you got any apartment recommendations around here? Oh if you could, make it below 750 euros a month, please."
He really wanted to tell Octo that there were empty rooms in his apartment and that they cost on average 700 euros a month, but he couldn't bear to live near him. "Sorry, I don't know. I've been living too long to know the rates, I guess."
"That's okay."
As he stepped down the stairs to the main road, Vilkas looked around. "Well, I go that way. Hafta take care of something first." He pointed at the opposite of the usual way to the campus.
"Right." Octo put his belongings down and nodded. "Thanks for the talk. See you around."
"See you 'round. Thanks for the help."
As he stared at the panther's retreating back and still lazily waving tail, he couldn't fight the feeling that Kevin was right in choosing him.
The panther did seem like a confident, good person at heart.
To say that he was happy to be back was an overstatement.
Lucas stared at the ceilings. Instead of making him happier, the trip back home made him sad. No, nothing was wrong with the trip itself, or his parents and sister, but his boyfriend.
The night before, they had a fight over what he thought was a pretty small thing. You didn't call me every night! Don't you know how worried I was?! To which he answered, I'm busy! I'm working there, not lazing around!
After maybe around half an hour of almost shouting in his boyfriend's flat, they agreed to just break up.
Now, he was sad. I should've been more considerate and call him every night. I'm not even good at relationships. I can't even have a boyfriend. I'm not even good at being gay.
He pulled the blanket over himself. What would people think when he saw him now? The brave and fearless and dominating captain of the Hampstertown University who only lost to one team, University of Barrowisle, was crying under his blanket because he broke up with his boyfriend?
He... he needed someone to talk to. But, whom?
All his friends were back home. He could always call any of them, but it would seem petty, and a big surprise for them on top of that that he was talking about his boyfriend. His team, while he loved them dearly, were not really his go-to for any kind of relationship thing, let alone a gay relationship thing. He'd been keeping up a tough personality to go with his tough look, and only Paul and Heinrich knew what a soft-hearted bundle of joy was he actually.
...although probably the entire team knew but they didn't want to upset the captain.
Ugh, Paul was busy with his family business, while Heinrich had returned home to the Netherlands. The rest were either he wasn't comfortable with or didn't like gays. Whom could he talk to?
Tom? Max?
No, not Tom. While the wolf was very nice to him, he didn't know that he had a boyfriend. It wasn't that he thought it would freak him out, but more like the wolf wouldn't understand some background stories. He knew Tom would calm him down and be understanding, but he wasn't in the mood to explain stuff.
That left him with Max.
But... but... how the heck could he talk about his ex with his bloody crush?! Especially when said crush knew that he had a crush on him?!
Past crush, maybe, but still...
The coyote stared at the window. It was snowing again. Maybe he just had to deal with it for the time being and calm himself. When he felt he was ready, he could speak to Max about this. Whatever would happen later, would happen.
His phone buzzed, but he just ignored it. It didn't sound like a text, anyway, so he guessed it was one of those pesky useless notifications. Now he just needed to calm himself. Thinking that he was useless wouldn't help.
Admittedly, he didn't have a clean face, either. A trip to a certain bar caused him to meet Mr Husky, and while they had never gone into each other's pants, they had done some pretty questionable things, things that he would not even dare dream about back in Hampstertown.
Probably he should've stopped going there. Mr Husky did seem to be nice, but he was in no place to be there. He had had a boyfriend, and he should've only gone to a bar to get some rounds, not to hook up with one of the dudes there.
So, maybe this was karma?
Maybe. Whatever. He was single now, and he would remain single until he could get his head back on track. Barrowisle was more welcoming to non-heterosexuals than Hampstertown, so he wanted to start fresh here.
He pulled the blanket over himself, curling up to get warmer. Nothing was colder than the new year cold away from home.