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Lying on the couch, hands together, Fred was smiling in his work clothes, staring into the distance. Captain Holmes watched him, sitting in her chair, her pen running across the paper. To be sure, his condition was developing in the right direction.

" And then ? "

Fred turned around, looking at the lioness, smiling and insolent.

" Then, doctor, that's none of your business...

• You are right. As long as it concerns your privacy, it does not concern me. On the other hand, as long as it concerns your mental state...

• It's only been three days, Doctor, and yet, I believe...

• Yes ?

• I think things are working out for me. I still doubted at that point what prompted me to tell him that I loved him. But not anymore.

• Did something happen ?

• Yes. Look at this. "

Fred handed his cell phone to Doctor Holmes.

" This message comes from Lopez, the man I saved the life by killing another man. He returned home to find his wife. She is pregnant. Due to a history of genetic diseases in their families, they had to do tests to make sure they had a boy. Their third child is healthy, and in seven months there will be another little Fred on Earth.

• That's wonderful.

• For the first time in a long time, Doctor, I took a real risk telling Greg that I loved him.

• A risk ?

• Yes, I bet that my love for him was genuine, and not the result of any trauma. When I subsequently received this message from Lopez, I was convinced that I had done well. I saved a life and in doing so, I helped create a new one. I made a good decision, and I was paid in return.

• Which explains your good humor.

• Without a doubt.

• How do you see your future ?

• It is still unclear. I turned down an offer from Seattle to go and work there. Greg does not want to continue his career in the United States at the moment.

• Why that ?

• The level is still low there.

• Have you thought about living separately ?

• There is no question. This is what helped destroy his relationship with Francis. I am looking for work in the London area. I considered taking an apartment but considering the rents, I'm going to go to Greg's.

• It's also quite a risk. If things aren't going well between you...

• Loving someone involves trusting. We talked about it, this and other things. Greg is aware that this may not work between us. In that case, he'll rent me a room while I find something else.

• In short, if I sum up your thinking, you currently see your future as potentially unemployed and practically homeless. And that doesn't scare you.

• And I don't care, yes. I understood and accepted this truth, doctor. I will never be in total control of my existence. I will depend, one way or another, on others. I will make choices, of course, but part of my life will depend on others. I have the chance to choose one of these "others". Being with Greg is the best thing that can happen to me.

• What do you mean ?

• I love him, and he loves me. Do I need another reason to choose to live with this man ?

• No, indeed.

• You see...

• And where are you with it...

• The knife ? There isn't a lot of evolution, I have to admit. But I think it's only a matter of time.

• Consideration may be given to reducing the dosage of your sleeping pills.

• I am not against. When the fracture heals, you have to start letting go of your crutches, right ?

• I'm glad to see you react like that. Although it seems to me that you rely on your friend a lot.

• I see what you mean. Like a new crutch, eh ? I'm going to depend on him a bit, sure, but anyway...

• Anyway ?

• Even with my status as an engineer, Greg will earn in one month what I will take two years to raise. His money does not interest me, even if I find myself alone, I will have enough to live normally, and that is enough for me.

• Do you have other people to rely on ? "

Fred was somewhat silent.

" No. I have to say no.

• Do you want to talk about it ?

-I... Why not ? My parents are not rich. My mother contracted leukemia a few months after I was born. You know what the cost of medical treatment is in my country...

• I wouldn't like to live there just because of that...

• My mother had health insurance which covered some of the costs. Once she had the chance to have a bone marrow transplant, the costs had to be reimbursed. My parents worked very hard for this. We often had to move to stay in a house where they could pay the rent. It was not easy every day.

• Frequent moves do not help to keep a stable social life.

• I stayed in touch somewhat with the friends I had made but...

• Did it get better afterwards ?

• After the debts were settled, my dad started working even harder. I hardly saw him anymore. I compensated by going out often. I met people.

• Why was he working even more ?

• He wanted to open his own garage. But that required a big financial effort on his part.

• Have you kept in touch with your childhood friends ?

• No. I hardly see any more.

• What happened ?

• I am homosexual, doctor. That should answer part of your question. For the others...

• Others ?

• Before I came out, I had joined groups. I had a rather rich social life. I loved being with them. I'll tell you, doctor, it's not the friends that I lost when they found out about my homosexuality that hurt me the most, it was the friends who turned their backs on me when they found out that I was going to join the army which really disappointed me.

• Really ?

• Ultimately, I could almost understand them. Pacifists, friends with a soldier... I could tell them that I was only doing this to get an engineering background, there was nothing to do. It was my hardest lesson to learn.

• There are fools everywhere.

• I know, but I expected better from them. Their beautiful speeches on friendship between peoples... How can they believe it if they don't even seek to understand and accept those who make a choice different from theirs ? Francis had "loser" friends in high school. He was one of the less popular guys. The day Francis came out with Greg, everyone was behind him to support him.

• You could say they were real friends.

• Indeed.

• Do you consider it worth it ?

• What do you mean ?

• Losing friends to study and join the military ?

• Yes. Without a doubt. If I could talk to the "me" of my 14 years, I would scare myself because I thought quite the opposite at that time. But the army was a very rich experience for me. You know me a little. I am not a bully. I am not a...

• A what ?

• In fact, it is. I am a killer. I killed. The only thing that reassures me is that I didn't like it. It helped me understand why pacifists are so afraid of it.

• Can you explain yourself ?

• The army trained me. But above all, she showed me who I really was in my own eyes. Military people have a very precious quality in my opinion : they know how to show recruits what they really have inside themselves. They show us what we really are, unvarnished to hide from ourselves. And I understand that this scares some people. That will have taught me that. Those who want to change the world do it mostly not to make it better, but to try to escape from themselves.

• I will only have one question then. Are your parents happy ? For you, I mean.

• We haven't told them yet. For Greg and I I mean. They all know we're gay, that's okay. We will wait a few weeks, just to see how things will evolve between us. Of course, if they ask us, we won't lie to them. But we will make them understand that it is still very recent. "

Francine Holmes closed her notebook, smiling. She remained silent.

" What is going on ?

• We... We're done, I think.

• What do you mean ?

• I have nothing more to tell you, Mr. Kaplan. Unless you have other questions, other fears, I think there is no point in continuing your visits here.

• Are you sure ?

• I am a shrink. My job is to find what my patients lack. But my experience has shown me that often the patients who come here already know the answer to their torments. What they are really looking for is someone outside their universe who tells them what they already know, but which they dare not accept on their own.

• You serve as a mirror, in fact.

• Exactly. My job is often to guess what the patient is looking for, and make him understand it. It is often a tragicomedy made up of unspoken and half-truths. You don't need that anymore. You told me the last time you thought you had found a way to get better. I confirm it to you. You are on the right track. You don't need me anymore.

• But, the knife...

• Nothing that I will say will help you now. Even if your relationship with your friend isn't working out, which I don't want you to do, you have found the path you need to get out of your unhappiness. You may not be able to cut your meat tonight, but you will, I'm sure now. That is why I am telling you that your presence here is no longer necessary. »

--

With a final growl, Fred rolled over in his bed, definitely awakened by the upheaval of his roommates who were busy with their morning ablutions. Neon flooded the room with its cold light and Fred lay on his back, sometimes looking at the one who passed near him to finish dressing near his bed. He kept a slight smile tinged with concern. Outside, the weather was cool and humid, but it wasn't the day's weather that worried Fred. This day was the last of his contract. In a few hours, he would be done with his four-year contract. He stood up on his elbows, his face a little grumpy.

« Oh, sorry man, did we wake you up ? "

The leopard, who only had a towel around his hips, had stopped to look at him and deliver this evidence.

" It's okay Tony. I had to get up anyway.

• It's the big day, eh ? "

Fred was nodding, his eyes still misted with sleep. He saw Tony reach out to him. Fred hugged him.

« We are going to miss you man. It was nice to have you here. "

From the bathroom, Fred could hear the complaints of his two other comrades, who exchanged remarks about the cleanliness of the shower stalls and the proper use of other people's toothpaste. The day before, they had prepared a little party for him to leave that ended well after the reasonable bedtime. Fred could see the leftovers on the table. Half-empty bottles and dirty glasses. He had had the reflex to start tidying up and cleaning, but his friends had ordered him to do nothing. Fred, in fact, hadn't insisted.

He stood up, wearing just a black jockstrap to preserve his modesty and the peace of his straight comrades. Of course, he had refrained from saying that this underwear was not his. He enjoyed the slight thrill of the forbidden it gave him. Fred opened his wardrobe and took out the large brown canvas bag in which he began to stack his things. In a civilian bag, he placed what he was going to keep. His normal attires and a parade uniform he was allowed to keep as a souvenir. He would undoubtedly wear it on rare occasions of celebration. But the first would be to go to his uncle's grave. He had wanted to do this for years and his mother would appreciate the tribute thus paid to his brother. Fred also considered it normal to give him his respect for the one who had served his country and who had paid the ultimate price. Fred smiles to himself. As a teenager, he would never have thought of doing it or even thinking about it. The past eight years had changed him.

His routine was interrupted two more times, in order to greet his comrades one last time, who each in turn left to take up their duties. He would not be there when they returned that evening and everyone knew it. The last greetings were stronger, stronger and more sincere. A great chapter of his life ended on this day and another began. He hadn't told anyone, but that same evening he would have moved in with the man he had once betrayed.

Fred looked around to engrave the view of his room one last time. He would never come back here and he wanted to keep the memory as intact as possible despite the great banality of the place and their total lack of charm. The military liked what was functional and didn't care about the beautiful.

A yellow shirt on his back, his buttocks in black pants and sneakers on his feet, Greg was ready to close this chapter of his life by turning his key in the door for the last time. This key was the first item he returned to the guard in exchange for a signature. Then Fred walked over to the quartermaster. He waited patiently in a line of other soldiers who were also coming to take this last step towards demobilization, then he returned his uniforms one by one. He only had his civilian bag left, which he carried to the administrative building. He just kept it between his legs long enough for him to return his badge and credentials. He was given a temporary pass that would serve him the time to leave the base.

At each step, he was getting closer to civilian life and its uncertain future. Each new step left him with a slightly more bitter taste, which dissipated somewhat as he steered his way towards the hangar where he used to be. In his pocket, he had his certificate of demobilization and return to civilian life. The mention « honorabilly discharged » also drew a smile of satisfaction from him.

The hangar's activity ceased when he entered. Corporal Edwards was the first to introduce herself to him, greeting him in a regular and warm manner. Even if he didn't have to anymore, Fred returned him the salute. The black panther was smiling broadly.

« Well chief, are you homesick already ?

• You can say that, Cecidy. It's my departure and I wanted to greet you one last time. "

One by one, his former men saw him greet him one last time and Fred quickly found himself surrounded by his former men. The only thing missing was Karl, but he was probably in some Asian backwaters. Fred didn't hear from him often and that was fine. He was afraid to receive the announcement of his death. No news, good news.

Discreetly, Edwards walked around his subordinates who greeted Fred one by one before heading back to work. She was the last to walk Fred back out. Fred turned his head to look at the tin and concrete shed one last time before heading back out. One last signature, one last badge returned and that was it. Fred had returned to the civilian side of existence. He looked at the barrier now closed, nodding his now closed chapter of his life. With a sad smile on his face, he walked a bit on the road until he reached the nearby taxi stand. His smile lit up as the gray car let the one he hoped to see out of the backseat.

In a beige polo shirt, all smiles, Greg stepped forward and hugged Fred before kissing him tenderly on the lips. Fred returned the kiss, his hands on his love's hips. The two men looked at each other, muzzles against each other. Greg rubbed his thick hands over Fred's face as if to make sure he was there. A light cool breeze stirred up some dust, making them shiver at being so close to each other.

« The house is waiting for you. "

Greg smiles fully. He was inhaling the musk that was emanating from Fred's body. That smell. How had he been able to do without these past weeks ? These last years ? How could he have lived without breathing it since his birth ? He hugged Fred even more and Fred returned the gesture. He too wondered how he could have lived without his presence. He finally felt himself after all this time alone. Greg then guided Fred into the cab which took the road to High Wycombe. Greg had put his hand on Fred's knee who did the same in return.

" How was your day ? "

Fred thought for a few moments.

" Not as exciting as tomorrow's. Or the one after. "

Greg smiled, placing a delicate kiss on his friend's cheek.

" I hope so.

• And yours ? "

Greg's smile widened. He was visibly even happier as he started to relate his morning.

-

" Here we go again... "

Greg grimaced a little, opening the cab door just when the rain had chosen to start falling again. It was thin but thick. It would only take less than an hour for the Adams Park training ground to become a pig paddling pool. He closed the door of the taxi which drove away. Greg strode inside the center before entering and greeting the receptionist who barely looked up when she saw the rott arrive. Greg stopped when he was hailed by the lioness.

" Mister Colin is waiting for you. "

Greg looked at the receptionist, who this time looked up.

« What ?

• The boss is waiting for you.

• But why ?

• What do I know ? You know where his office is, don't you ? So go ahead. He wants to see you now. "

Greg looked at the middle-aged woman. No, she wasn't kidding. Why then this impromptu summons ?

Greg bit his lip. More trouble ahead ? No. He hadn't been interested by the medias for a while. He knocked on the door, left his bag at the entrance and greeted the boss. The latter was seated. In front of him, a doberman sat. He stood up and walked over to Greg, offering him his hand. Greg didn't know him, but he answered his greeting. The stranger spun around him a bit, making Greg a little uncomfortable.

" Indeed. "

The stranger smiled at him. His boss kept a somewhat angry look on his face.

« I wonder when are you going to stop causing us trouble, Mr. Miller..."

Greg didn't understand.

" I didn't do anything, sir ! "

The Doberman shook his head in denial. His short fur was an unusual creamy brown, which almost merged with his costume. A black shirt made him look like a photographic negative.

« And yet you did, Mr. Miller, but that's not a bad thing for you."

• You can talk. Because of you, we will still have to do without his talents. "

Colin's voice was strange. He seemed bored, but happy too.

" Let me introduce myself. I am Dennis Lemon. I am a member of the American Rugby Federation.

• The federation of... "

Greg couldn't think, seeing the new name hand him an envelope which Greg hastened to open.

" I am pleased to inform you that you have been called up next month to take part in the play-off against Brazil in order to qualify the national team for the next World Cup in Japan. "

Colin was now smiling frankly. Dennis himself had barely had time to finish his sentence when Greg had rushed into the hallway screaming his joy. Dennis looked at Colin, a thin smile on his lips.

" I will never get tired of this. "

-

The car headed west in the highway, starting to slow down to take the exit ramp to High Wycombe. Fred was looking at Greg with wide, round eyes. The latter was smiling, proud as ever.

« Are you going to play the world cup ? "

Greg shook his head.

" I think so, but for the moment nothing is done. I'm just called in to play the last qualifying matches against Brazil. Next week, I'll make a trip to the States to see the manager and meet the other players. Almost all play in the amateur teams, it's just me and three other guys who are professionals. Man, if you only knew how badly I wanted to shout all this on my profile ! "

Fred understood that.

" But I want to surprise my parents. The federation is based in Colorado and Lafayette is not too far from home. Hey, why don't you come with me ? You will have the opportunity to see your parents ! "

Fred thinks.

« But if I come, then they'll know, right ? I can hardly see myself hiding our... couple once in front of them. Dad told me I was a bad liar. "

Greg was smiling, nodding his head.

« Oh yeah, you're really bad at hiding things ! That's what I also like about you. You wouldn't be able to have an affair and keep it from me. "

Fred understood the subtext. He still had a bit of a hard time believing that Francis could have done such a blow to Greg. No one was perfect.

" The only way is to tell them in this case. I have no problem with that even if it is a bit fast... "

Greg understood Fred's feelings, holding his hand as the car slowed down again before stopping outside Greg's house.

« But it's also not like we crossed paths just a week ago too, right ? We've known each other for almost ten years ! "

Greg let Fred think as he gave his card to the driver. Fred had to admit he was right, even though a ten-year friendship wasn't exactly the same as a romantic relationship. He got out of the cab and picked up his bag, standing in front of the house. Greg put his hands on his shoulders in an affectionate and protective gesture. Fred then saw a key stand in front of his eyes.

" You will need this from now. "

Fred took the key, looked at it.

" It still makes me weird. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you... "

Greg shook his head.

" Don't think about it. When you'll have a job your help will be welcome but for now, settle in. If it suits you you will do most of the cleaning, so you will no longer have that bad feeling but beware, I'm a pig at home, there will be plenty of work ! "

Greg winced. Fred returned that sardonic smile.

« Seeing how things went the last time, I believe you ! »

« Is that Ashford Hospital ?

• Yeah, so you turn left, and then it's straight ahead. "

Fred followed Greg's instructions and took the indicated route. The small rental city car was struggling to contain the two muscular men in its cabin. Fortunately Fred was extremely careful on the roads that were barely cleared of snow. The sky outside was almost black with clouds and the ground was covered with a good three inches of snow. The very low temperature, just above freezing, suggested January but November had just started. Beside Fred, Greg was checking the road and any lane closures on his cell phone.

« When will we be there ?

• In half an hour now, if the snow will stop falling... What an idea to go to his country house on a weekend like this...

• We don't have a lot of opportunities. Normally we should be playing against Southampton, but all fields are impassable, the league has canceled all matches.

• When I think you're going to have to make up for it all then. How many now, three games postponed ?

• Southampton, The Harlequins and Bath. Without forgetting Biarritz in the European Cup. It 's the worst late fall in decades. I believe the coach will have to sacrifice a game or two and have the B team play for us otherwise we will never end the season without another downed player, and the club cannot afford it now. "

Fred was driving his friend to Frank, who had returned to his country house with a broken wrist. Frank had invited him and other players to spend the weekend with friends. He also found it interesting to bring them in so that they could attend the draw for the final phase of the next World Cup together. This is the reason why only the Wasps who were also playing in the national teams were invited. Besides Greg, who played for the USA and Frank, who wore the Scottish jersey, there would be Klaus, the Australian full-back, Elliot, another Welsh full-back, Kassim, who had proudly worn the French jersey for three years now, and Gillighan, the only XV of the Rose of the team. There would also be their wives and spouses. And five or six children, in addition to Frank's child who only had to wait a month before being born.

Fred was driving slowly down the small, narrow road. Greg could not drive in England, however he reserved the wheel for the stays he made in France, in his second home he had bought near the Pyrenees. Greg put his cell phone back in his warm jacket, briefly pulling out a burgundy passport stamped with the traditional lictor beam to avoid damaging it. Fred smiled when he saw the foreign passport.

" I still can't imagine you being French...

• I am still an American... This is what I am above all.

• Why did you take such a step ?

• I actually had to do it. I wanted to leave Toulouse. Not that I felt bad there, on the contrary, but I knew that in order to evolve, I had to leave. Among all the proposals that were made to me, I chose London and the Wasps. But there was a problem.

• Which ?

• The club already had three players from outside the European Union in its ranks, and they were not about to leave. To protect local players, ie European players, the Union has enacted a rule : no more than three non-European players in each club. The Wasps wanted me but this rule would have forced them to fire one of their players already present.

• It is unfair.

• It's like that. The club's legal department then told me that if I became the holder of a European nationality, this rule no longer applied. This often happens in football and other sports. It's sad to say, but we top athletes have some facilities to change nationality.

• I understand better.

• I had no connection with England, so I couldn't become English. In any case, not in a few weeks... But my father, Ed, is French. As the son of a Frenchman, I could claim to obtain the nationality, even if I was not born here. I had to justify three years of continuous presence in France, to have a residence there, and to speak the language reasonably well. You know the rest, even if their administrative services twitched a bit when they saw that I had two fathers listed on my birth certificate, and no mother...

• I would have liked to see their face. Wait, two fathers ???

• It wasn't a simple adoption that I went through, Fred. Eight years ago, I became Mark and Ed's son for good. The judge made sure that never my... well you know who, can not claim to take me back before I come of age. I am the son of Mark and Ed, of no one else, either in my eyes, or in Registrar's eyes.

• And it all happened because I fucked you up...

• Who can know what will become of his life ? Take Kassim, for example. He was born in Afghanistan. He left at 14 because a better-off family than his accused him of having seduced their daughter and his own parents wanted to marry him by force to restore their "lost honor". The result ? He fled his country and came to France clandestinely. He traveled a little over a year before reaching his goal. To be sure to stay there, he joined the Foreign Legion by lying about his age. After five years of contract, the border police could do nothing more against him. And in a few hours, I'll know if I have to play against him in seven months. And his entire current life has depended on being falsely accused of dating a 13-year-old girl... Here it is, turn. "

The car took a sharp turn and passed large open gates. The garden seemed immense, white with snow and frost, the trees reduced to their wooden skeletons and covered with mist. If a maniac armed with a scythe wanted to appear and kill, now was the right time. But apart from an icy gravel that made Fred drive like a turtle, there was no danger.

Fred parked the car in front of a large Victorian-style mansion. He looked at the house in amazement and quickly gave up counting the windows.

« A country house, that ? It's a castle ! There is enough to accommodate the whole team, including substitutes ! How can he afford this ?

• Frank is like me, he doesn't waste his money, and besides, as far as I understand his mother is related to a large Scottish family, so he must have financial resources that I don't know. "

Fred took their bags from the trunk and walked with Greg to the entrance, trying to avoid the puddles of frozen mud.

" Say Greg, I would like to know...

• Yes ?

• Don't get angry if I ask you but... Did you tried to see them again ? "

Greg stayed in the middle of the path, smiling a little sadly, shaking his head.

" I promised myself that I would never see them again. They chased me away without even giving me the slightest chance to explain or understand me. Daddy Mark told me that that night he promised Jimmy that I would never go back to their place. Still, I did. I went back there a few days later.

• And ?

• I haven't even gone to ring their doorbell. The name on the mailbox was different. They had moved. I don't know when they did it. Or where they left. They were no longer at home, it was no longer my home. I left again.

• I'm sorry I told you about this.

• It would have happened sooner or later, Fred. I prefer it to be now, like that, it's done. "

Greg hugged Fred the best he could.

" I love you, Fred. Now that I have left my fathers' house, I consider you to be my family. "

Fred hugged Greg in turn, his smile a little frozen.

« Okay, fags, are you going to come home now ? Do you really want to freeze me to death here ? "

Frank was standing on the landing, the door open, at the top of the grand staircase. His voice expressed all his pleasure to see Greg again and his mischief. The couple hurried back into the mansion. Greg hugged Frank, avoiding compressing the broken left wrist locked in his sheath. Frank wore thick pants and a sweater that was just as thick. He hurried to close the door which somehow managed to let the cold out. Fred undid his coat and noticed the slight freshness of the place.

" It feels good to see you again, Frank.

• Me too, old brigand ! Was the rumor true then ?

• Which ?

• That Southampton was so afraid to face us, that they ordered a snowstorm to avoid playing against us ?

• They lose nothing to wait, the federation rescheduled the match at the beginning of January.

• And so I imagine that...

• Frank, this is Fred, my boyfriend. Fred, here is one of the biggest mouths of the team after me, and especially after his wife.

• Nice to meet you. "

Fred concentrated on giving a firm and frank handshake. There is nothing worse for an avowed homosexual than giving a weak, slippery handshake on first contact. From Frank's gaze, Fred judged he had passed the virility exam.

" The draw is scheduled for in an hour, you have time to settle in, you have the fourth bedroom on the first floor, to the right. It is the one that is the furthest from the others. "

Greg quickly understood why.

« What will the program be next ?

• The usual schedule of isolated rugby players, unable to train and without a match to play all week.

• Booze !

• After our wives are in bed, of course... You can't really have fun with them around. Of course, there is plenty of fun too. I've finished redoing the gym, the sauna works and we could live a week locked up with all the food in the fridges. "

Fred looked around, amazed by the old luxury of the place. The floor was covered by an old marble with floral motifs. The walls were covered with a kind of stucco in which were carved large arabesques and every now and then medieval armor gathered dust. Fred walked past them, noting the different kinds of helmets. Frank noticed.

« These armors are beautiful, eh ?

• Yes. Are they from your family ?

• On my mother's side, yes. My father was South African and my mother is Scottish. Some of this armor dates from the 13th century but the oldest are in trunks in the attic, they are too fragile to be exhibited like this.

• These swords seem too big to be true...

• Ah, that was the fashion of the day. Note, the swords of some Japanese anime are even more ridiculously long.

• These helmets are all different...

• Yes, that was what made it stand out on the battlefield. It would have been stupid to kill a friend in the heat of the moment. "

Fred agreed.

" There is nothing worse that can happen, indeed. "

Fred then joined Greg and the two of them climbed the stairs to the plush room that had been reserved for them. It was tall and luxuriously furnished, with a large, carved wooden bed drawing the eye up against the wall. At the back, the fireplace roared its heat and an imposing pile of wood made it possible to mitigate any attack of cold. Fred and Greg took off their coats which had become too warm.

" It's just beautiful. But that must cost a fortune to maintain, right ? "

Greg was rummaging through the suitcases for a lighter sweater.

" Yes, Frank does talk to me about it sometimes. The castle is three floors but only the ground floor and the first floor where we are are heated and used. The top is almost abandoned. This kind of building is simply no longer suited to our world.

• Considering the general condition, it is a shame. He could find another use, right ?

• No doubt, but he hasn't told me about it yet. Come to think of it, avoid mentioning his parents, will you ?

• A reason for this ?

• Yes. His father was shot as a kid and his mother is seriously ill.

• I did not know. It's sad for him.

• That's probably why he seemed so sad to me. He must have had bad news from the hospital.

• How serious is it ? "

Greg sighed, finishing emptying the suitcase in the bathroom.

" I understood that she only had a few weeks left. Probably less. Multiple sclerosis. "

Fred closed his eyes a little before resuming his movements to empty his own things.

" I'll avoid the subject then. »

Fred kept a light jacket on him, noting that the hallways weren't heated and only absorbed a fraction of the heat from the fireplaces then the couple returned to the ground floor and entered the living room. This one was arguably bigger than Greg's house all by itself. The duos and trios were talking to each other and all greeted the newcomers. Greg walked over to a tall, slender, tall brown gazelle, carrying the heir of the place under her black dress. Frank stood behind her, his protective hands on her shoulders. He then noticed his distant gaze. Dinah Bell nodded to the male couple. Fred stood next to him. The walls were high and covered with a very tasteful reddish woven paper, the decorations remaining inconspicuous. The floor was of old wood, but well adjusted and waxed. Large carpets covered most of it. At the back, the living room table was empty and the chairs tucked away underneath. Everyone was gathered around the larger screen television than anything Fred had ever seen. Two large sofas faced it with a low table in front. On the side and further, the fireplace gave off its strong heat which was diffused slowly in the room.

" Greg ! Glad to see you finally arrive. "

Dinah gave Fred a nod.

« I'm glad to finally meet you ma'am. From what I see the moment of your release is not very far away. "

Dinah smiles.

" I will have another 18 years ahead of me before being fully released ! But it's true, even though I already love my son, I'm not sorry to come to the end of my pregnancy. "

Background music came from discreet speakers. The silent screen showed the faces of serious figures parading, uttering their silent words in vain.

" I still wonder why they persist in making these old federation talks. They only talk to say nothing and no one else listens to them ! "

Fred noticed the thin face of the graceful and undoubtedly quick feline that criticized the television show. He recognized Kassim the French.

" It's to try to make us believe that they are important. They are the only ones to think so. "

A black bear had answered. His build was average and his Australian accent thick. Fred continued his social conversations but paid little attention, observing the room and the decor. He noticed an open door to another brightly lit room. He saw three young children pass by in a gust and he heard the cries, the tears and the childish joys. A living room had been converted for the occasion for them.

« Well Fred, are you listening ?"

Fred recovered and looked at Greg.

" Dinah asked you a question.

• Oh, excuse me.

• How is your new life as a young couple going then ? "

Dinah had a curious and friendly voice. She seemed really interested. Frank had gone to watch the children a bit and make sure they didn't set things on fire.

" Well that's brand new to me. I have never lived with anyone before. I have to say get used to it. The hard part is making sure Greg does his part of the housework. "

Greg was grimacing a little, looking away.

" I must say I was well helped by his parents. They told me about all his excuses that he used to go out to try and escape his chores. It is very useful to watch him a little ... "

Dinah laughed a little. Greg was acting like it didn't concern him.

« And if not what do you do ?

• Nothing yet. Finally, I often go to the gym, it is necessary to maintain all that. I'm looking for a long-term job and for the moment I'm working in a security company not too far away. You have to earn a good living. "

The attention of the guests was drawn to Frank who cut the sound of the music as the sound of the credits of the show rose. The big moment was coming.

There were two sofas in the large living room. The wives seated themselves together on the right, and the players on the left. Fred noted this and understood the implicit rule of segregation between players and spouses. On the one hand, he had no trouble going to the spouses, but he had resistance to the idea of being on the female side. From his father, he had inherited a little macho side. On the other hand, not being a player, he had no legitimacy to join Greg who said nothing to him, waiting to see what Fred was going to do. Fred looked and noticed an old pouffe on the side. He took it, put it between Greg's legs and took a seat despite the angry eyes of some players. He glared at them and they retreated when Greg put his hands on his shoulders. Fred smiled. He was playing by the rule after all. In his way.

« Well, are these speeches over soon ?

• In you dreams. After that of the President, there are those of the three vice-presidents. The two general secretaries and the two vice-secretaries. Before it was just underlings. The cost of the trip must be justified.

• Where do they do it from, this draw ?

• Brasilia. They hope to promote the development of rugby in this country by doing this.

• Brasil ? We took them out 76-9, says Greg. Even if we had played 12 against 15, we would have taken them out of the qualifying tournament. I'm not saying this to be mean to them. But faced with the weight of soccer in their country, Brazilian rugby players have only the crumbs in terms of media coverage and financial resources, and it shows on the pitch.

• It will last for hours... Girls, are you bringing us beers ? "

Fred noticed that on each coffee table there were only empty bottles and soup plates or only poor, isolated snack cookies.

" Can't believe that ! Do you want a striptease to be patient, too ? You raise your asses and go get them, your beers !

• And while you're at it, you'll bring us something to drink too ! "

The staring gaze of their spouses prompted two of the players to obey under the amused eye of Greg and Fred.

" You see Freddy, there is more manly and stubborn than a rugby player, it is a rugby player's wife.

• I'll try to remember it... "

Greg tenderly licked Fred's forehead as the players sheepishly tried to calm their wives. Finally, the most important moment of the evening was about to really begin. Fred turned his attention to the screen. On the latter, the names of the qualified teams were grouped into five sections.

« Are the groups already made ? Did we miss the draw ?

• No, Fred, it's just the distribution of the hats.

• Hats ?

• Yes, to have balanced groups between them, the qualified teams are distributed in a certain way and chosen from each other, so we end up with a seeded team, two teams that will fight for second place, and two more who, in all fairness, will have virtually no chance of qualifying this way for the next finals in four years. My country is, for example, in the fourth hat, and will not meet any of the teams that are there too. New Zealand is in the first and we have a one in four chance of meeting them... The first three from each group will qualify directly for the next Tournament, which will take place in Argentina. There are four groups of five teams in the finals, so there will be eight places left to be allocated through the playoffs for the next finals. For this year's tournament there was... 68 teams applying for eight places if I'm not mistaken...

• It's difficult to qualify...

• That's why we hope to finish third this year. This would avoid having to go through the playoffs again. To increase the suspense, they always start by pulling the teams in the fifth hat, the weaker ones. And it begins... "

On the screen, a young and pretty woman took the first names in turn, showing the names drawn and smiling with all her telegenic white teeth.

" Romania in group A. Russia in B, Namibia in C and Ivory Coast for Group D. "

Despite the weakness of the teams mentioned, each player tried to imagine the match to be played against them. These teams had no chance of qualifying for the quarter-finals, but they could eliminate some if the latter did not score enough points against them.

A second model drew lots for the teams in the second hat.

" Uruguay will go in group A, Tonga for B, the United States in group C and Canada for D. "

All eyes turned to Greg, whose team had just been drawn.

" No chance. Namibia has been making progress these last six years, I would have liked to have Russia as an opponent... "

A retired player succeeded the first two beauties on screen.

« Ireland for A, Wales for B, Scotland for Group C and Italy for D. "

Greg and Frank looked at each other. They reached out and shook hands with each other, a big smile on their faces.

" Good luck... For the third place, I mean... After all, we've never seen an eagle graze on a thistle...

• We're not beaten yet, Frank... Good luck to you too. "

Fred fully appreciated the good spirit that reigned between the two men. Colleagues one day, they became rivals the next day before becoming colleagues again the third. Elliot was satisfied, Wales was keeping its chances for the quarter-finals.

" Argentina go in group A, France for B, Samoa in C and England for group D.

• There are only the seeds left to know. It will go quickly. "

" Japan for group A. South Africa for B, Australia for C and New Zealand for D.

• Damn, how lucky they are, the Argentines and the Irish...

• Why that ?

• Hey, the finals are in Japan, so their team is automatically seeded, but otherwise, given their level, they should have been in the third hat, not the first...

• England would have been in their place otherwise...

• Namibia, Samoa, Scotland and Australia... "

Greg thought out loud.

" I couldn't imagine a worse draw for us. Even the third place is almost inaccessible. But hey, we'll sell our skin dearly, you hear me, Klaus ?

• Loud and clear, Greg ! We will send our best beers to your families as a sign of condolence !

• Well, that's not all, but we are hungry ! Girls ?

• The kitchen's over there, guys. Do not imagine for a single second that we will serve you food like servants !

• You will do the dishes then, it is out of the question that you leave it lying around for days !

• And don't think we'll be cleaning up your vomit tomorrow morning either !

• And tomorrow, you will take care of the children. We'll have more important things to do, get it, guys ? "

The men's gazes went to Greg and Fred. The latter understood that they were beginning to find some advantages in homosexuality.

" And you know what ? Fred and I get drunk together. We don't have to buckle up on certain days of the month and when we leave the toilet seat up, We don't get yelled at.

• Lucky guys... "

The pair of men couldn't resist and the two burst out laughing.

-

The evening continued in a relatively good mood. The players already had their heads somewhat in their next World Cup matches, each trying to imagine which opponents they might face from the quarter-finals. After the children went to bed, the discussions began to become more general and light. When, overcome by fatigue, the wives went to bed one by one, the spirits on the table grew stronger and stronger. Fred had gone to bed a long time ago, citing fatigue from driving in the snow. He had been sleeping for a long time when Greg came to join him. As soon as he felt the presence of his friend's naked body near him, Fred moved without waking up to hug Greg. The two men remained entwined for a long time. When Fred finally woke up, Greg was still sound asleep. Smelling his armpit, Fred figured that Greg was still drunk, and that he wouldn't be up for a good three hours. Looking at his watch, he realized it was only six in the morning. As sleep had left him for good, he got up, took the time to put on shorts and an undershirt and went down to the kitchen. Arrived at the door, he realized that there was already someone. Frank was seated at the table. He was still wearing his clothes from the day before, so he hadn't gone to bed. In front of him was a bottle of whiskey and a still full glass.

" I am disturbing ? "

Frank looked up distractedly.

" No. "

Fred walked in and looked around for some coffee. He felt that Frank was not finishing his night of drinking. There was something else. Fred knew that his dual pride, as a heterosexual and as a professional gamer, would make him not ask for his help. He did not want to interfere in anything that did not concern him. However, once his coffee was ready, he sat down to the table, opposite Frank. The latter noticed the bite marks on his shoulder but he was careful not to ask about it.

Fred drank his coffee in silence. Once his cup is empty, he refills it again.

" You're not going to go back to sleep after this.

• It doesn't matter, I always get up around 7.

• Hope you don't get bored, you might not see anyone before noon. In fact, the girls were drinking amongst themselves, the kids watched TV very late, and the other guys just went to bed.

• It's not a problem, I brought something to take care of. By the way...Can I...

• Yes ?

• On various occasions you...have been called by a number. 86 I think... It's a nickname ? "

Frank looked up at the sky. Fred understood that he had asked an indiscreet question. Frank answered in a weak, tired, alcohol-drenched voice. Fred quickly understood that the fatigue of the night was not the only cause.

"I'm sorry though...

• It's nothing. It is... I'm surprised Greg didn't tell you anything.

• He tells me a lot of things, but not everything.

• That's my nickname, yes. I do not like it. Not in itself but because of what it reminds me of, my bond with my mother's family. She's a MacMillan. She is related to the MacFesters, who themselves have some connection to the MacTaylor clan, who are a younger branch of House Windsor. "

Fred added some milk and sugar to make his coffee less bitter. He listened a little distractedly to the unrolled genealogy and stopped his spoon when he heard the last name so familiar.

"The Windsor hou...

• Yes. In short, through my mother, I am the 86th heir to the crown of England... Okay, it varies by month, births and deaths, but that's my general position. "

Fred was surprised. Frank raised his glass, wearing a wry smile.

" It doesn't bother me, but... a black man like me on the throne of England is quite an outrageous idea for part of my family. This is the reason why I never saw my maternal grandparents. We ignore each other, that's fine with me. "

Frank drank half of his drink. Fred finally noticed what was slightly troubling him. Frank held it in his left hand. He finally noticed the abandoned duct on the counter.

" You're a fast one anyway.

• What do you mean ?

• You spot me at the Nightshift, Greg arrives and you end up in his bed within minutes. "

Fred sensed from the sound of Frank's voice that he was a little drunk. He also felt his sadness, his dismay.

" I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.

• It does not matter, since it is true. You are a very handsome man, which is why I couldn't help but look at you. Unfortunately, you don't play on my team...

• Do you really mean it ?

• Of course.

• And you... are you hitting on me ?

• I just enjoy the scenery. Living with the one you love does not mean gouging out your eyes.

• If I ever dared to look at a woman other than my wife, she would tear them away from me. And I'm not talking about my eyes.

• We must not believe that we are all like that either... Jealousy also exists between men.

• It is true ?

• You would be surprised how identical we are. The stories of couples are the same, regardless of the sexes involved. Only children are the prerogative of heterosexual couples. Or almost. You are scared, aren't you ?

• Scared ? About what ?

• Your son will be born next month.

• Yes. In three weeks, even. And yes, I'm afraid of that. But not only. How do you know ?

• My father told me about it. Although he knows that I am gay, he wanted to warn me against this, for the day when I decide to have a child. Finally, adopt one.

• I can't imagine Greg changing diapers though.

• Me too.

• I must also say badly imagining Greg in another man's bed. Especially a man like you. Finally, you...

• We are not in the canons of stereotypes, I know. "

Greg smirked, finally gulping down a large chunk of his second cup.

" What surprised me was that it took me three weeks of being with him before I found out he was gay. How lucky he is...

• Luck ?

• He has an easier life than mine... You know why ? I am a half-blood. You can't get darker than me, but my mother is Scottish, and my father was a Xhosa. Their life has not been easy either. My mother was disowned by her family. Here, look at this bottle... "

Fred took the bottle of whiskey. A high-quality, well-known brand.

" This brand is the property of his family. Therefore, it is partly mine too. I drink it for the sole reason that it allows me to piss it afterwards. Believe me, it's a satisfaction to see this thing go in the toilet... They banished their daughter and they never wanted to see me. Because of her fragile health, it was my father who raised me. When he died I was sent back to Scotland to find her. Despite her illness, she insisted on raising me herself. I was helping her as best as I could. Now I go see her as often as I can. She can't wait to see her grandson come into the world.

• It's sad, but many will never accept the differences. Greg and I have that advantage. We can make others believe that we are not gay. You can't hide the fact that you're black. Except for a blind man. But by now you've got to be a little used to it, right ?

• More or less. Why that ?

• Because I don't believe that's why you feel bad.

• Isn't that a sufficient reason ?

• Yes and no. There is something else. When I told you that if one of my men had a problem, then I had a problem... Well it is indeed.

• I am not one of your men...

• You are Greg's friend. Therefore, we are linked, because Greg is more than my friend.

• It is true. But I don't want you to get involved in my stories. I'm not saying this to sideline you, because in fact no one can do anything for me.

• Nobody can do anything for you because of what ? "

Frank and Fred realized that Greg was at the entrance to the kitchen. Like Fred, he only wore shorts and a tank top. He had his hand on his face to protect his sensitive eyes and to try to alleviate his hangover. Frank noticed the same bites and forced himself NOT to ask about them.

" What are you doing here ?

• It's nice to feel welcomed... I'm here because I need aspirin. And also because I felt a great cold void in my bed...

• I'll prepare this for you. "

Fred left his seat and Greg took it.

" I was telling myself that you were forcing yourself to be happy last night. You barely had two drinks... Frank, what's going on ?

• I...

• No kidding, Frank. You are my friend, and I'm sure I can help you one way or another.

• Indeed. But I don't know if this is the right time for it.

• It is not. But I know myself, now I won't be able to sleep if I don't know more, and god knows if I need sleep. So spit it out, Frank.

• However you want. But not here. I prefer to go to my office. Fred can come if he wishes. After all, it concerns him too. "

Frank got up, followed by Greg and Fred who gave the desired aspirin to his friend who swallowed it at full speed. Greg also noticed the sheath and the free wrist. Once in his office, Frank pulled out a file and put it on a table. The room was modernly furnished with its old gray walls and furniture of wood and steel mixed together. It clearly contrasted with the other pieces.

" I'm glad that fate put our teams in the same group, and that we will play this game last.

• Why that ?

• Because it might be my last game, Greg. I will have to hang up at the end of the competition.

• But ? Why that ? You just arrived ! Your career has barely started, like mine !

• Your friend Fred is right, Greg. I am afraid for my son. He's not born yet, but I already have to prepare for the worst.

• You're scaring me...

• Don't worry, I don't intend to kill myself, on the contrary. But my mother's illness taught me to prepare for the worst. My little Buck won't be here for three weeks, but with my wife's agreement, I've got my things in order, you never know. I remade my will so that he inherits everything. I have indicated that you will be my executor.

• It is... A great mark of confidence...

• I know. You are the most reliable person I know. The rest of my family are nothing but vultures. I also had this established. "

Frank gave Greg a piece of paper that Greg struggled to read.

" What's this ?

• An appendix to my will. When I'll die, all my possessions will go to my son, and my wife will have enough to raise him quietly. This is in case something bad happens to her too. Her family is not reliable either, and I want to secure my boy 's future. We agreed on this point. If we both disappear, I want my Buck to be entrusted to you, Greg. Finally, you both be entrusted. You don't have to do anything but take care of him. Everything else is already planned. His places in the best Public Schools and in Oxford are already reserved.

• It is...

• I don't want a refusal.

• You know I can't say no to you...

• Besides, it's more than likely that Buck will stay with his mother. This is just to reassure me.

• Why don't you think you will be able to take care of your child, Fred interjected ? It's your son... "

Frank put a tired smile on Fred, who was sitting in the gray fabric chair.

" I'm dying, Fred. I have cancer. "

The news completely surprised the two men. Greg had the documents in his hands and was looking at them to make sure they were true. Fred remembered his mother's illness which had taken her away from her family in the first years of his life.

" But how...

• Only the medical staff is aware. The club president too, of course, not to mention my wife. And you now. I don't want this to leak out.

• Frank...

• I had confirmation of the diagnosis last month. When I had my medical visit in July, the tests showed a blood abnormality. As it did not prevent the signing of the contract, I joined the team. But the analyzes and additional examinations showed what it was in reality. Pancreatic cancer.

• Frank...

• I will stop play at the end of the competition and take care of myself. But my chances of getting out are low. Very weak. I only have about a 10% chance of survival at five years. I know my wife will take good care of my son, and I know that from now on you will be behind her in the event of a severe blow.

• Of course.

• Thanks, Greg. You can't imagine how important this is to me. I knew you would owe me this. "

Greg remembered what Frank had told him in the president's office. He understood the meaning better now.

" I want to be able to look my father in the eyes when I see him again. "

Greg felt stupid for not having understood then. Frank put the papers away and closed his desk.

" But...

• Yes, Fred ?

• Why... I mean, I'm okay with Greg taking care of your child if need be, but why me too ?

• I know you better than you think, Fred. I am not so reckless as to entrust my child to the first stranger who passes, be he my friend's boyfriend. I had you investigated. I'm sorry I did this behind your back, but I wanted to make sure I did the right thing. I know you are a good person, Fred. And Greg loves you. That's enough for me to trust you. And then it certainly won't happen.

• It is true.

• Now I'll try to go to sleep for a bit. I encourage you to do the same. I'm sorry I ruined your night, but you asked me to... "

Greg and Fred returned to their room. They got back to bed but neither could sleep. Greg hugged Fred. They didn't say a word, they were too moved. Greg was crying and Fred was doing anything to try to console him. Without success. He was crying too.

-

Despite the cold and the snow, Greg was sitting on a bench in the garden. The day was drawing to a close and for an hour now he had sat motionless. Despite their grief, Greg had finally fallen asleep. Fred stayed in bed next to him, trying to console him with his presence. And despite the contrary haruspices, he had ended up falling back asleep too. When he got up in the middle of the afternoon, Fred had noticed his friend's absence. He had ended up finding him, isolated in a room on the first floor. To his surprise, he asked to be left alone. Fred understood his behavior. On the other hand, he was worried to see Greg looking at Frank with a sad look. The latter had asked him to keep his condition a secret, and Greg's face said it all. The other guests, fortunately, had imagined the consequences of intense fatigue to explain such a pace. But it was clear that with Greg, Frank's secret was not going to stay hidden for long.

Fred opened up to his friend. He had used a friendly, calm tone to help Greg overcome his grief, but that hadn't changed the situation. Fred was even starting to get a little irritated by the risk that Greg was unconsciously putting his friend at risk. The tone ends up rising between the two men. Fortunately for Frank, they had chosen a secluded and well-insulated room to argue. Greg thought Fred had no heart and Fred felt Greg was too sensitive. The latter ends up slamming the door, strongly urging Fred not to follow him. He put on a coat and went outside. Fred stuck to his positions and found it more reasonable to let Greg calm down.

Fred then became aware of the differences that existed between the two men. It was not just differences of opinion. They were different ways of looking at things. Different types of reasoning facing each other. For the first time, the couple was in a crisis. Fred even wondered if such a difference was a threat to their relationship.

Greg was still a bit of a jerk. This is what Fred estimated. His best friend had a problem, he was asking him for absolute secrecy, and Greg wore the news on his face. The memory of the tormenting teenager came back to him. But it only lasted a moment. Greg had matured all the same, it had to be admitted. As he continued to analyze his friend's behavior, Fred realized that he too was behaving like an idiot. The two men weren't made the same, okay. But how could this be a threat to their relationship ? They weren't clones of each other. Their experiences had been different. Their views were also different.

Fred then realized the fundamental difference that existed between the two men. Greg had never been faced with death. He did. He had buried eight of his friends during official ceremonies. He had saluted the eight bodies he had highly esteemed during their lifetime. One of them, even, could have been in Greg's place, if things had turned out differently.

Greg had never known that. He had never known his grandparents, who had all died long before he was born. Fred felt a little ashamed. He had failed in the role he intended. Love, and help Greg for the rest of his life. It only remained for him to hope that it was not too late. Wrapped up in his coat, he joined Greg who didn't deign to give him a look when Fred sat down next to him. The two men were a bench of cracked white marble, placed on the edge of a circle of gravel, facing a piece of water that had probably dried up for decades. The circle of concrete was split too, covered with frost just like the branches of the shrubs. The dark gray sky added to the wintry and sinister look, the lawns buried under a thin layer of snow. Only the brown gravel put color in this late fall. Fred tried to take Greg's hand but it gave way to his touch. Fred's heart was hurt. But it was a logical move. Fred decided to swallow his pride.

" I'm a jerk, Greg, excuse me.

• I agree, you are an idiot. But I won't apologize. "

Fred winced. Things were still tense.

« I finally understood why you are like that.

• Oh well, do I need to have a reason to act normally ?

• Greg. I'll work things out with you, but please watch your mood.

• I don't see why I should be a hypocrite.

• I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you answer that...

• Do as you want, I don't care. "

Fred sorted his thoughts, then spoke again.

" I have known Jamie, Andrew, Marty, Vincent, Paul, Cassius, Gerald and Milton. "

It was Greg's turn to wince.

« Who are these guys ? Your army hunting board ? »

Fred bit his lip to keep his anger out. His voice, however, carried its very strong annoyance.

" These are the friends I buried, Greg. "

The latter turned his head to look at his friend and see his face tense with anger. Even if he had kept his head straight, Greg would still have felt a great shame for this last line.

"...I am sorry. I did not knew... "

Greg turned his face to the other side. Once again, he should have thought before to spoke.

" It's your problem, Greg. Not the fact that you didn't know it, but never faced it. You don't know anything about mourning, about death. You wanna do well with Frank, but the number one concern is that he's not dead.

• Not yet. But it will not be long.

• His cancer is crap, yes, but he has a chance to be okay anyway.

• So weak... It's unfair, Fred. He will hardly have time to see his son start to grow that...

• I know. But he still has hope, that's what I want you to understand, Greg. I want... Well, no, you have to stop behaving like Frank is already dead.

• He will be.

• Not now, anyway. Not today, not tomorrow. Not even next week. He's alive, and he needs your support, your friendship, not your tears.

• I'm trying to understand you, but it's not easy. You are right when you tell me that I have never known this...

• It is, yes.

• But that doesn't change the fact that he's pretty much lost...

• I was too.

• What do you mean ?

• In that damn helicopter. I was dead, Greg. Finally, I should have been killed. The aircraft where I was caught three missiles. Two-thirds of the crew were killed instantly. And, like five other guys, I got out of it intact, or almost. My lieutenant died because he sat right next to me. And you know what ? It was I who should have been seated in this place ! "

Greg looked at his friend again, astonished. Fred had never told him about it. The latter did not hide the fear that was displayed on his face.

"I should have been in that damn seat ! I left the line because I thought I had forgotten something but I quickly remembered that I hadn't. But I lost a place and my lieutenant passed me ! Except for one seat, I was dead ! Can you imagine the chances of getting by under these conditions ? And subsequently, it did not get better. I survived because I knew, a second before Lopez, that an intruder was behind my back. I emptied two magazines and I haven't hit my targets once, Greg. It was Swift who killed the four machine gunners in front of me. I still wonder how I did not kill him with my catastrophic shots. If he hadn't been there, the rebels would have killed me on the spot. "

Fred was silent for a moment, time for him to catch his breath. The cold immediately transformed his exhales into a frozen haze. He regained his composure.

" We don't imagine, without knowing it, how many times we escape death in our lifetime... I have a little idea now, and frankly, it scares me enough to say that even eaten by the Crab, even if he has a one in a million chance of ever attending his son's wedding, Frank deserves than we bet on him, Greg. Don't you think so ? "

Greg was silent. But from his facial expression, Fred knew he was thinking fast.

« Imagine what our lives would be like, Greg, if I hadn't made the disastrous decision to out you in the eyes of...finally you know who. Find out what your life would be like if I hadn't made the worst decision of my life. Who would you be with ? What would you do ? And me, where would I be ? It wouldn't change a thing for Frank because he would still have this pancreatic shit. But thanks to my bullshit, you're there for him, Greg. "

Fred looked at Greg who looked down at his feet.

" I don't know where I would be right now. Maybe my life would not have fundamentally changed. I would have always been with Francis, in secret this time. Once I have left the house, I will have settled in with him. Or with you, because somehow we might have been together. I do not know.

• You would never have known Frank. Your homosexuality closed the world of professional football to you and sent you here, to Europe. If you had stayed in the closet, you would have had a pretty much the same life, but in America. And maybe Frank should still look for someone he can trust to raise his child for him.

• You are right. There are so many "but's" and "ifs"... It's almost as inextricable as the reasons why he gets cancer and we don't. Frank deserves his chance. I have to help him as best I can. Thanks, Fred. I will do my best not to consider him already dead. After all, he's alive, and he wants to fight.

• It's normal. We're a couple now. If one stumbles, the other is there to pick him up.

• You caught up with me, Fred, thank you. I'm going home now because I'm freezing to death. I'm even afraid I have caught a bad flu...

• Since I will probably have it too, I will serve as your nurse, well, as long as I can... »

The winter which followed this late autumn was one of the worst in the climatic history of England. The cold and the snow claimed many victims. However, the weather did not prevent Frank's son from being born in good conditions. Frank and his wife were happy and proud of their son Buck, even though he didn't give them time to sleep for more than three hours at a stretch on average. At the freezing winter, an early and warm spring succeeded. By the end of February, there were no traces of snow and ice left over the country. Fred and Greg had resumed their usual lives, just enlivened by the marriage of Francis and Dave. Because of his frequent travels, Greg was usually only present three or four days a week. Fred was still looking for a job commensurate with his aviation qualifications, but the winter and the economic recession gave him little hope. The offers were there, but for that he would had to leave Greg, and he refused to do so. In order not to go crazy of inactivity, he frequented the gyms even more, just to keep busy. He also had a bit of a hard time getting used to the thought of not making a decent living. He vowed to himself, if that weren't enough, to look for work in other branches of mechanics and engineering if things didn't change before the end of June.

That day, the weather was cloudy but quite mild. The branches of the trees saw life reappear and Fred fully appreciated the dry wind which was finishing drying up the traces of the last downpours. He closed the cab door, paid the driver, and walked slightly nervously towards Adams Park's stadium. He had no chance to see Greg because he and the team were in France to play that very evening one of the many games postponed due to the particularly severe winter that western Europe had just experienced. He could have gone to a doctor or one of the many centers in the great London suburbs but in order to save some money, Greg had convinced him to come to the infirmary of his club so that the nurse would take from him the needed blood. It would only take a few minutes and then Fred would head to Heathrow. He still remembered the somewhat incongruous conversation he had had with his former boss.

-

" Yes ?

• Ah, Mr. Kaplan ?

• It is indeed me.

• I am Captain Orlov. You must remember me a little, right ? "

Fred opened wide his eyes. He thought he recognized the voice of his former captain. Why was she calling him ?

" Glad to hear from you again. "

Fred heard the sound of sorted sheets of paper in the background. No doubt she had to perform two tasks simultaneously.

" I wanted to ask you a question. Are you busy next Wednesday ?

• I do not think so. I just have to go get a blood sample in the morning.

• Do you have health concerns ?

• Not that I know of, it's just for a review.

• So you are available in the afternoon, right ?

• Well... "

Fred bit his tongue in annoyance. Why did the soldier wanted to see him ? Fred didn't knew, but in any case he knew that he no longer had any valid reason to refuse the implied invitation.

« I am, yes ...

• Perfect. Shall I sign you up for 2 o'clock ?

• But...

• Or late in the evening if you prefer. "

Fred sensed in Olga's voice that a refusal was almost unthinkable. This woman reminded him of Lorette and her metahuman ability to manipulate those around her for her own benefit without realizing it.

" 2 suits me. What do you want to see me for ?

• Let's say it's for us to do each other a favor. See you Wednesday then. "

The conversation had stopped at this point and Fred had stared incredulously at his device's dark screen, wondering when in what mess he had got into.

-

Fred's thoughts returned to the stadium where he pushed open the door of the administration building. He was greeted by a

" Yes ? Who are you ? What do you want ? "

which would have illustrated wonderfully an interrogation room.

" I am Fred Kaplan. Greg must have warned you of my coming.

• Greg ?

• Miller. "

The elderly lioness looked down the hall from the back of the reception.

" Ah, the infirmary is the first door on the right. "

Fred didn't answered. It was unnecessary because the hostess had gone back to her papers as quickly as possible. At least Greg hadn't forgotten to get the point across.

Fred stepped onto the black and yellow tiled floor completely in tune with the club's colors but the final aesthetic result remained uncertain. He knocked on the designated door and a loud voice came out.

" Yes that's why ? "

Fred felt that the nurse must be from the same family as the hostess. He opened the door but stayed on the threshold. He quickly saw that he was right. Behind a sadly classic desk, the nurse raised her head and looked at the young man. She was herself a lioness of great stature, muscular and as lovable as a rugby player on a night of defeat. Fred felt very small.

"I am Fred Kaplan, I am the friend of ...

• Gregory. I was waiting for you. "

The woman, obviously younger than the hostess, got up and went to a table on wheels which she slid to a medical chair.

« Come on in, and sit down here. Roll up your sleeve, it will be over quickly. "

Fred complied, removing his jacket which he left on a chair back before rolling up his left sleeve. The nurse wasted no time and began to disinfect the crook of the elbow before slipping a leather strap around the muscles and gently squeezing the strap before examining the flesh for the most visible vein.

« What are you doing this test for ? I forgot what is written on the sheet. "

Fred was surprised. The nurse's voice was considerably softer and more welcoming now. It didn't displease him.

" Eh, this is for an HIV test. "

The lioness smiles.

« Did you did something stupid ?

• I don't think so. Greg and I have always been careful.

• I see. Is it to make it official between you ? "

Fred blushed strongly. The nurse was amused.

" Come on, you are all the same. There is no shame in it.

• I know.

• So that's to find out if you can save on the latex budget, eh ? "

Fred could only whisper a small "yes", like a schoolboy put in front of his sheet soiled the night before. He barely noticed that the needle had penetrated his skin. By reflex he had turned his head so as not to see this. The nurse put the test tube next to the needle and the needle turned red as it filled.

« Come on, you're big boys aren't you ? If that sounds good to you, half the team members are like you. They are capable of getting trampled on the ground but once they sit here they call their moms ! "

Fred smiles despite himself. The nurse withdrew the needle and stuck a bandage over the micro injury. Fred was curious to know which camp Greg was on but he didn't asked, thinking the nurse would oppose her professional secrecy. He was finally able to get up and leave, the nurse reminding him that he would have the result in two days.

Once back outside, Fred waited for his second cab of the day to arrive. The little wait was spent on a game that Fred ignored when the car arrived to drop him this time at the station. Fred spent the journey standing up, the wagon being too crowded to hope to find a seat. An hour later, a last bus dropped him off at the entrance to the military base.

Seeing the barrier again, Fred sighed. He had been out of it for a few months and found himself in front of this place again, making him feel like he had spent all this time going in circles. Provided with a temporary pass, Fred entered and made his way to the administration building. He was looking around, but despite his hopes, he didn't see anyone he had known. A little disappointed, he entered the building and found himself in front of the captain's office. He hit.

" Come in. "

Fred complied. He had a slight reflex to get attention but he quickly remembered that he was no longer a soldier and stopped the gesture which nevertheless drew a slight smile from the panther.

" Habits die hard, right ? "

Fred smiles.

" Yes captain. But it's nice to still find yourself on familiar ground.

• I'm glad to hear you say that. "

Fred turned his head, surprised. A new voice was heard. It came from an open side door from which came out a senior officer, a colonel.

Horatio Hornet bowed his head to the newcomer. He held a file in his hands which he placed on the desk.

« Sorry to deprive you of your captain's office, but mine is being repaired."

• I understand, Colonel, if you don't need me anymore... "

The German Shepherd nodded a little "yes" and the panther left the room to make room for his superior. Fred didn't understand what was going on other than the colonel taking a seat behind the desk, inviting Fred to sit down as well.

« Okay, Colonel, I'm starting to understand what's going on ...

• Really ? I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Colonel Hornet. Sit down, it will be more comfortable to discuss this way. "

Fred hesitated, but finally sat down.

" I came out of pure curiosity, but I'll tell you right away, I don't want to re-engage. "

The colonel smiles, scribbling something on the opened file. Fred saw his picture there and realized it was his military file.

" I reread your file. It's a shame you left us.

• My decision on this matter is irrevocable. I am not a soldier. I just paid off my debt to my country, and that's it.

• I agree with you on this point. You are not a soldier. But you are nevertheless a remarkable man. Both on a professional and human level.

• People often tell me this.

• How are your job searches going ?

• Not very well, to be honest.

• The economic recession is wreaking havoc everywhere. You just had the bad luck to become a civilian again at the wrong time. "

Fred knew this more than anyone. But his position had not changed.

" I risked my life for my country, I almost died of it. I will not come back.

• I don't blame you for that. I would rather have a man under my command who accepts sacrificing himself if necessary than a soldier who only wears the uniform because he has found nothing better to do to earn a living.

• Why make me come here then ?

• Tell me, do you know what costs the most in an army ?

• No. Equipment ?

• Not even. No, what costs us the most money are pensions.

• It is true ?

• Yes. The hardware is actually inexpensive in comparison. But mismanagement and corruption inflate the final bill, despite the Pentagon's efforts in this regard. The real big item of expenditure is men.

• What does this have to do with my presence here ?

• Everything, Mr. Kaplan. When you left, Sergeant Edwards took over from you. Unfortunately, she suffered a serious traffic accident last month. She's going to get out of it, but we're going to be forced to demobilize her.

• Too bad. Cecidy was a good element.

• I, in agreement with my hierarchy, made a decision. The General Staff is satisfied with my initiative, because it will save them some money. I decided to transfer what was your job to the civilian world.

• What do you mean ?

• To save money, in men and in pensions, our army has launched a massive service outsourcing program. Clearly, a secretary's post held by a corporal is now held by a civilian under contract. The corporal is placed in an intervention team, where he is better able to use his skills as a soldier. Your old post will become next month a post under the responsibility of a civilian, not a sergeant. And to hold it, I thought of you.

-You... What ?

• I offer to return to your old job, Mr. Kaplan. Under civil contract this time. That is, you will be attached to the air base, and not to my unit. When we leave, at the end of our year of rotation, you will stay here. Of course, this is a renewable four-year contract.

• I...

• I know, do you want some time to think? "

Fred was stunned. There were no other words. He looked at the colonel, then at the file he had given him. A civil employment contract. He closed his eyes, reopened them, seeing that the contract was still in his hands. Fred sat back in the chair, turning the pages but only vaguely looking at the words, a thin smirk on his lips. Unsurprisingly, the army was once again trying to grapple with him, in a different way this time. Fred was flattered. He knew his decision was made.

" No. I accept. But... At one condition...

• Which ?

• I still want to be able to be called Chief, even if I'm just a civilian. I miss that, actually... "

Horatio did not hide his satisfaction and his pleasure, as well as his amusement. Everyone behind the scenes had pushed Fred's name for the job had been right. The boy was happy to be a civilian for good, but his passion for his old job had made him an easy prey too.

"You don't have to say it. Your former teammates will do it without you asking. "

Fred wasted no time. After a quick and serious reading of the proposed contract, Fred put his signature at the bottom of the document.

" By the way...

• Yes ?

• Do the guys know ? That I can come back ?

• Not that I know.

• If so, can you keep the info a secret ? I want to surprise them... "

The canine nodded, still smiling.

" Orlov was right about you. You have a sneaky and unpredictable side. I have the idea that they will appreciate the surprise.

• I'll go see poor Edwards too. It pains me for her. She really can't stay ? "

The colonel shook his head.

" Unfortunately no. She will probably never walk again. "

The joy that Fred felt was quickly tarnished and if he didn't show it, his victory of the day was tinged with a great touch of bitterness that remained at the back of his throat.

The day was drawing to a close and the sky was tinged with an orange glow through the sunset clouds. Fred was pacing the streets of his new town, finally putting his hand on the gate of Greg's house. He glanced at his watch and gritted his teeth a little. Almost an hour and a half journey with the two changes from returning from Feltham, where the air base was, just outside Heathrow.

The street was deserted, except for one canine passerby who stood still, looking around in a large, worn brown cloth coat. He also had a gray felt hat on his head, holding a young child in used clothes as well. The two resumed their walk, the man appearing to be looking at the mailboxes on his way. A guy just looking for an address it seemed. Fred returned his attention to his watch then walked home, thinking fast and going into the living room, turning on his laptop on the table to dig into the question that was in his mind. He did not see the rott with the thin and tired body continue to move from house to house. The latter then began to smile when he saw Greg's name on the door. He put his hand on the latter and rubbed it, wiping away the tears that clouded his eyes with the other. He then left with the child, murmuring a

"Thank you Lord, thank you ..."

That no one other than him heard.

-

'When will you be there? '

Greg smiled, sitting in the cab, reading the message from Fred he had just received. He looked around before sending him the answer.

'In about 5 minutes. '

He put his phone away and focused on his pleasure in seeing his friend again after this week away from home. Biarritz in the European Cup and then the Bristol Bears in the league had filled the sporting week with the added bonus of two victories to justify this long separation. The car finally stopped in front of the house, the taxi having to make long detours to avoid the roads cut by the spring flood of the Thames at the beginning of March. Greg thanked the driver before going through the gate and opening the door with his key. It was late Sunday afternoon, he turned on the light and once in the living room, he stopped dead, dropping his bag to the floor, a big smile on his face.

On the sofa, Fred watched him with a mischievous smile on his lips. He was wearing something he had never put on before and frankly, Greg didn't knew he had such a thing among his things. Fred's bare feet rested on the coffee table, thighs splayed, his genitals in full light and seductively hanging in the void. Greg had the reflex to check that the Venetian blinds were well lowered. His mishap with the Sun was still on his mind and the blinds had replaced the old curtains favorably.

"Wow ..."

Greg approached his lover who hadn't moved. He could smell his body odor now, strong and musky, blood starting to flow into his own cock. Greg was certain that Fred had conveniently forgotten to shower for a while. His sexual appetite was even more stimulated. Fred was only wearing a leather jacket, open over his muscular chest and cock, out of the pants, a mischievous smile on his face.

Greg knelt down, pushing aside the coffee table and buried his muzzle under his boyfriend's fragrant testicles, inhaling heavily the warm musk that emanated from them, Fred began to bend, rubbing his hands against Greg's cheeks.

« MMMfff you know how to receive..."

Fred agreed but to Greg's dismay he pulled away from the manly embrace and pulled his pants up and stood up.

« You haven't seen it all yet ..."

Greg complained, but still taking the opportunity to follow with his muzzle the erection now hidden.

« MMMMff I didn't knew you were so cruel..."

Fred waited for Greg to get to his feet to finally spit the bite out.

" I have fantastic news !

• What's this ?

• First, our tests are negative.

• It's cool. Well, I suspected it a bit, but it's always great to learn it.

• Then I have a job ! "

Greg smiles even more.

" Hey, is that true ? Where ? "

Fred finally recounted what had happened that famous previous Wednesday. He was relieved to finally be able to say it, having decided to wait until Greg came back to surprise him. With good reason because the impact was greater than a simple email or a post on Headbook. Fred squirmed a bit, Greg continuing during the discussion to gently rub Fred's testicles.

« Finally, but hey it's better to show yourself ..."

Fred picked up the keys while Greg wailed that he was empty-handed. He and Fred walked out, the boy having lost some of his stiffness. Greg wondered where they were going as they walked around the corner. Fred entered a gravel driveway that led to a series of garages. Fred opened one of the cubicles and turned on the light of a bare bulb hanging from the concrete ceiling.

Inside, Greg knew to find a used table and a few boxes of non-essential things that might clutter the house without a basement or attic, but he didn't expected to find a motorcycle there.

Fred smiles.

" Don't get me wrong, it's mine. "

In his leather suit, Fred was leaning against the wall, watching Greg go around the craft, seeming to appreciate the design of the vehicle. Greg also noticed the black helmet struck with yellow lightning on a piece of cardboard.

" It's yours ? "

Fred nodded "yes". Greg was still spinning around a magnificent two-wheeler with a black body shimmering with varnish. The short transparent windshield did not break the lines of the machine and the chrome shone under the electric light. Greg barely dared to touch the chrome letters on the Yamaha tank, which gave off a slight smell of new oil.

" It's an XV 250, a perfect machine for the road. I don't want to spend nearly two hours in public transport every day, and I'm not sorry for the planet ! "

Fred wore a smirk.

« I didn't know you had the motorcycle license ...

• Hey, I got it in the military. I also have the car license as you know and I tried to get the Heavyweight, but my hierarchy refused on the pretext that it was not essential with my position. Do you want to take a run ? "

Greg looked at the bike again before shaking his head.

" It makes you want to, but I can't, I don't have the right.

• Really ?

• Yes, it's in my contract among other things. I cannot do anything dangerous or disabling in the event of an accident. This includes paragliding, hang gliding, bungee jumping and also motorcycling. Even water skiing is forbidden to me. I can barely ride a bike.

• Too bad.

• I know but I understand them. On the other hand... "

While speaking, Greg made sure to close the garage properly. Then he took off his shoes and pants as if nothing had happened. Turning around, he showed his big erection, gently stroking the base of his cock, his eyes riveted on Fred. The latter licked his lips and settled himself on the table, lowering his leather pants and laying his back on the table, his ass offered. Greg stuck his head under the pants, licking Fred's face, starting to rub his bare glans against his hot, sweaty asshole, wincing at his desire.

" We can definitely do without latex... It's not in my contract ! "

The evening was starting to have a good start. Outside, the night sparkled with stars and above all with streetlights. A cooler wind justified having turned up the heating, allowing the two men to spend the evening shirtless, wearing just pants, socks on the ground, a little memory of an evening of mutual mating. Greg rested his nose on Fred's chest as Fred slowly stroked the back of his lover's neck, near the new bites marks. The cell phone was off, accompanied on the table by various letters. Turning his head, Greg smiled, seeing the mail.

« No fan letters ?

• No, nothing for you.

• Not even a little fanboy who wants to tease me with nudes ? "

Greg smiles. Fred too, scratching the offered neck.

« If that happens, will you let me see it after ?

• Promised... "

The somewhat overheated air in the room encouraged the two men to resume their mutual caresses. This moment was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a door knocking. The sound was weak, almost powerless, but audible.

" Oh no...

• Can we ignore that ?

• What if it was important ?

• We can play dead...

• The light is on. So they know we're here.

• Are we putting it off until later in the evening ?

• As soon as we put them out ?

• It works for me. "

Greg groaned, putting his shirt back on, then opened the door. Fred accompanied him once his chest under a t-shirt.

No one. In fact, there was. At his feet was a young rott. Fred quickly recognized the boy seen previously. He wore the same clothes. He was thin and young, probably he was only 5 or 6 years old, a red cap on his head. The boy looked at the two men intently, then lingered on Greg. Fred noticed a great resemblance between the two individuals. Greg looked at the boy with curious eyes. What was a little guy like him was doing alone outside at such an hour ?

Before anyone could say a word, an emaciated rott came up the steps, gasping for air. He had probably been a little left behind by the child, standing behind him, a hand on his shoulder, a way of reminding him that he shouldn't go too far without him. He took off his hat. Greg stopped breathing for a while, totally surprised by the sight of the stranger, who wasn't for him. Fred had recognized the passer-by seen during the week.

" Hello, Gruff. I am... glad to see you finally. "

Fred noticed Greg's confusion. The latter finally managed to articulate a single word, his eyes on the verge of tears, with a mixed tone of anger, surprise, and disbelief. A word he had nevertheless sworn never to say again in his presence.

" Dad... »

-

On the way home, Ed stifled a long yawn. His shift was finally over and he wouldn't have to set foot in the hospital for two days. The bear forced himself to keep his eyes open, long enough for him to leave his car next to Mark's pickup who was waiting in the driveway. He left and without further ado, returned to his house and, he hoped quickly, to his bed.

Inside, he sensed something was wrong. Mark was not in front of the TV as usual, nor in the kitchen this late afternoon. Ed called him softly, without answers. He went upstairs, a little worried. He couldn't find anyone except the little tiger asleep in his bed. A quick check showed that the room was free. But the window showed Mark in the garden. He was prostrate at the foot of the tree. Ed realized he had received bad news. He couldn't help but think of his son Greg.

No. Mark would have warned him before. The same for Francis.

Ed got out and went to the garden. Mark hadn't moved but his tears were audible now. Sitting with his back against the trunk, his face was hidden in his arms. The sobs didn't stop. Mark had a crumpled photo in one hand. There were several people there, but only one face was visible, that of Maureen, his sister so long hated for what she had done to Greg.

Ed dropped to one knee, resting an arm on the shoulders of his husband who didn't stop crying.

" I hate her. Ed, you don't know how much I hate her. I will never feel but that for her again... "

Mark could only say that. And his tears and hiccups of crying only spoke the opposite of his words.

This did not surprise him. He knew it. There were sometimes bonds that transcended love and hate.