FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It was quiet on February fourteen, people from all over the globe turned their TV on at respectfully different time zones. Expecting to experience their favorite shows, the public was globally disappointed to discover an unknown figure instead. An almost black cat, with purple hue, and green eyes appeared on the screen. He wore a pastel pink bowtie, with a secondary bow wrapped around the end of his tail.

"Meowdy Viewers! It's time for your favorite television show," the cat paused for a moment "although we happen to be the only television show. But don't worry, I'm sure to entertain nyall on this week's episode of Chit Chat Cat, or maybe it should be Mewsic in the Myorning? I haven't really decided yet." The Cat gave a nervous smile feeling unprepared. "Anyway, I'm your host Purple, purrnounced with a purr of course." The almost pitch dark cat shuffled through some flashcards, "Wait are all these lines terrible cat puns?"

"Whatevs, before we go to our first collar" Purple smirked at the audience, as he jingled the bell on his collar. "I just wanted to mew Happy Valentine's Day! Anyway, make sure you sit back, relax, and grab your favorite bowl of kitty kibble, because today's special is sure to be a treat." An old school corded phone dangled above the cat who took the opportunity to paw at it. He seemed to be a bit lost, batting with the new toy, before finally deciding to answer the caller on the other line.

"What's up kitty cat?"

The speaker answered the televised cat, "Um, is this the cable company, why is there only one show on, also I can't seem to turn the thing off?

"Oh I see" said the cat. "Have you tried turning your TV off and on again?" Purple waited for a reply before getting none. After a short moment the cat let out a disappointed "Aww, he hung up, I thought he wanted to be furriends." The cat pounced on a nearby soundboard which gave out a disappointed "Awe" from the audience. "It's ok folks, beclaws we have another collar on the line." A second corded phone bounced from the rafters.

"What's up kitty cat?"

The next caller answered with an "Ok I don't know why you're the only channel but, can I ask. Is there something in particular we should be calling about or are you just trolling us."

"Well obviously you're supposed to be calling about Valentines. Why don't you enlighten us, don't you have a special Valentine's purrson?" the feline questioned. Purple gave the audience a wink before playing a flirtatious cat call from the sound board.

"Well now that you mention it. There's my girlfriend, and it's a little embarrassing to say this on public TV, but uh, I really love her. There I said it, please can we have our TV back Mr. Cat" was the man's response.

"Oooooooooooooooooooo, looks like somebodies in loooooooveee" purple teased before playing a touched "Awww" from the soundboard. "Wait folks, don't tell me you seriously believe him. I mean that's so cliché. Announcing your love on Valentine's day!" The crowd roared in disagreement eliciting a "booooo!" from their fake audio speakers. From off-screen, banana peels and tomatoes were thrown at the cat with discontent.

"Wait, Stop, Uncle Uncle!" the cat cried. The crowed immediately fell silent. "Ok I suppose we can give loverboy a chance to prove that his heart is in fact; roaring with fiery passion" Purple announced as his paw patted his own chest with a heart bursting gesture. The purple hued cat reactivated the cat call button with a challenging "Whayda say, ready to purrove your affection and win fabulous purrizes?" Speakers screamed with excitement and anticipation.

"Alright, Guess I can't say no to prizes" said the man. "That's the spirit" announced the cat.

Purple then questioned the man "Alright you just have to answer this question. It's a tough one, but you might be able to do it if you have the power of looooooveee. Here goes.

Pounce and Play

I like to nap all day

Nine times I refuse to die

What animal am I?"

To the Cat's chagrin the man confidently answered "I'm a Cat?" A victorious applause was played on the soundboard as the cat meowed "Wow You most know a lot about cats, or purrhaps this is the power of love?" The red curtain located behind Purple opened up revealing a game show style wheel. "Well, only one thing to do, time to spin the Wheel Of Purrizes!!!!" Purple gave the multicolor wheel a vigorous spin.

"Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, You won a month's supply of kitty kibble!" Purple couldn't help but wipe a bit of saliva from his maw as he thought about chicken dinners, and kitty kibble. "Welp Mr. "I'm a Cat?" Thanks for playing" announced Purple. There was a confused "Miao" on the other end of the phone line.

More and more corded phones fell from the ceiling as Purple received an influx of new callers who had the intent of being heard on universal television, or to hopefully win fabulous prizes. A pile of phones blanketed the screen while also tangling Purple in a mess of various knots. Still, the feline's behavior of pouncing on each bouncy string really didn't help to unwind the flood of cords. The gameshow host pretty much devolved into a yarn obsessed kitty.

"Ok you're on next Collar. What's up Kitty Cat?"

A female voice replied "Uh Hi, my name's Alice, and uh, I just wanted to say Happy Valentine's Day."

"Aww you're so sweet" said Purple. Tell me "Do you have a special someone this Valentine's Day?" Purple drew a heart shaped outline in the air for emphasize.

The female responded with a heartbroken "No, haha my boyfriend dumped me. On Heart Day too, wouldn't you believe it?"

Purple let out a resounding wail, "Nuuuuuuu, how could he", He rolled across the floor flooding the ground with crocodile tears. "Robertooooooooo!!! I'll get you for this!"

"Oh actually my Ex's name was Mike, not Rober-", she was caught off by Purple who exclaimed "Well viewers, Roberto has gone and broken the poor gal's heart, and as we all know, there's only one way to mend a broken heart."

"Love?" replied Alice.

"What? No! Obviously I'm referring to the fabulous purrizes. Whaddya say, how about a good ol spin of Wheel Of Purrizes!" The girl gave a humble response of "Wait, no that's ok I don't need any, honest." However, the wheel had already been spun; round and round it went. Strangely, the wheel slowed down to a crawl as it neared a space that marked with "Bankruptcy". Purple responded with a flabbergasted "Huh, why is that an option?" before pawing the wheel over to the next prize.

"Wow, looks like you won an all paid expense trip to Tokyo! The perfect purrize, for a big kitty like you." A crash could be heard on the other side of the phone. Purple responded with a confused "Alice, uh are you still there." The showbiz cat nearly jumped to the ceiling as the phone replied with a "MRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR!"

"Alice, uh I think you forgot to hang up, Alice?" replied purple. However, the only reply from the other end was the various sounds of glass along with shrieking car alarms.

The sound of a can opener could be heard as Purple tied a napkin around his neck in a ready to dine fashion. "Well, looks like it's my mandatory government issued lunch break. However, before we go to commercial, I want the audience to know I was thinking about them so I put a fabulous purrize under their chairs. Mmmm my furravorite." Curiously, citizens reluctant enough to check the underside of their living room furniture found an already opened can of tuna. Of course, there were people who didn't check, in which case they would find the tuna at an unfortunately later date. Purple mewed at the camera man to get off the air, so that he could eat his own share in peace. The broadcast returned to normal.

After the ordeal, one news channel stood above the rest. Upset that their programs had been interrupted, the executives lobbied to the upper branches of government out of concern for the viewers safety, and their wallets. The News Channel soon received clearance from the United Nations which would allow them to launch a global broadcast in retaliation. The station roared to life with the stereotypical breaking news sound effects.

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you a special broadcast. Strange phenomena have just been reported across the globe." reported the first news anchor.

The second replied "Coming up, unusual web traffic as global communications were hijacked earlier today. Parties responsible still at large." The reporter straightened out his scripts before rolling them up for later use.

The third elaborated "Stay tuned, mysterious arrival of delicious tuna appearing worldwide! World hunger tempurrarily resolved?" The third reporter was then immediately bonked on the head with the paper bat.

While the second reporter wrestled to get the third off set, the first reporter took the opportunity to interject. "Ok not sure how a cat got in here, but while we are on the topic of cats. An Unknown Kaiju sized Kitten causes widespread rampage throughout Tokyo. Where did this mysterious beast come from? Why does its eyes shoot lazers? More news at eleven."

The regularly scheduled interruption returned with a "Welcome back viewers. Is evfurryone having a good Valentine's Day? I hope so, but if not, that's ok too!" He raised his paw to jingle the bell on the end of his collar, before proclaiming "Welp, sounds like we are almost out of time folks." He gave a long stretch to indicate his readiness for a cat nap. "Ahh don't look so glum you guis, we will air again in the near future." The feline pounced on the soundboard which created artificial sobs from the backstage speakers.

Purple adjusted his bow tie once more before letting off a sympathic "Ahh don't cry audience." Purple rapidly smashed the sob button which nearly broke the recorder. "Wow, the audience is really greedy for Purrizes. Well, if I have to give nyall something to remember me by, so be it!" He elicited an audible sigh.

Purple stood up on his haunches to spin the wheel once more. "It's time for the Wheel Of Purrizes!" He looked into the camera knowingly.