FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

To my knight in shining armor,

Letting you go is the hardest thing I've had to do. You charged into my life on four paws that were each almost as big as your head. The first time I held you, I remember you nibbling on my goatee. It was love at first sight. The first night I brought you home, you were scared and sad. Of course you were...you were separated from your mother and your sisters. Put into a strange environment with even stranger people. Everything you'd ever known changed. I held my hand in your kennel all night as we slept, hoping to comfort you.

Eventually you got over your anxiety and then we were fast friends. We played in the yard and ran around and around until I couldn't run anymore. Do you remember playing hide and seek? Eventually you learned where all of my hiding places were and you could sniff me out in no time flat. Then of course you chewed me out for hiding from you. I remember you talking, you talked a lot, a common thing for your breed. I remember hiding under a sheet on the floor and "playing dead"...you always worked so hard to nuzzle me back to "life," making me chuckle in the process.

I remember how much you loved to go for walks. I desperately wish I'd taken you on more of them. I should've done it every day, because it was such a simple thing, but it made you so happy. I remember back when I was in college, any time you had to go outside, you'd go bat your leash hanging from the door and look at me. If your water dish was empty, you'd lift the edge up with your snout so it would bang on the floor and immediately give me an expectant look. You were so smart...you knew exactly what you were doing...even though you confused "sit" with "down" all the time. And if you wanted what I was eating, you'd offer a paw, knowing it would earn you a bite even though no one said "shake."

I remember when you had your GDV. It was the scariest few days of my life...you were only three years old and I was afraid I was going to lose you. It felt like my whole world was crumbling...it was the first and only time I ever felt sick to my stomach because of worry. You lived thanks to the talented teachers and students at the University hospital, but they said you weren't recovering well. We came to visit you and you seemed so lethargic and depressed...I started worrying all over again. But then, the next day when I visited with a cooked chicken breast hoping to entice you to eat, they came in and told me how amazed they were. After we'd visited you, your entire demeanor had changed. You'd perked up and started eating and drinking normally. I held the bowl with the chicken breast down for you and you devoured it like a starving maniac and I cried. I cried so many tears of joy I couldn't even speak.

A few days later, I brought you home and laid with you on the floor. We fell asleep together in the living room and stayed that way for hours. I helped save you then, but you might not know that you saved me over and over again, just by being you. Whenever I needed comfort, you supplied it. Whenever I needed a happy lick and a pick-me-up, you were there. Whenever I needed a chuckle, or just a grin, you gave it to me. I loved you so much it hurt to think about today. I knew it would come, that I would likely outlive you...but I couldn't even stand the thought. That love never diminished...the agony I feel now is testament to that...but I wouldn't give up even a single moment I shared with you, not for the whole world.

When you were diagnosed with Lyme, I was worried, but you soldiered through. And then when you were diagnosed diabetic, I feared the worst. But you survived. You would always come to the ktichen to get your insulin injection because you knew you'd get a treat afterward. It became a ritual. Insulin twice a day and treats. Braunschweiger and Greenies. You loved Greenies so much...I wanted to give you everything in the world...even if I could've, it wouldn't have come close to what you gave me. Even after the cataracts and the blindness, you soldiered on. A fighter...the blindness barely even phased you. But eventually disease claimed you. You tried so hard to keep going...only eleven, you should've had five more years and you deserved a hundred more...whether it was the tumors or the disease that originally injured your pancreas, or both...they finally got the better of you.

I gave you a piece of my heart and put it in your paws...it happened the very first moment a tiny puppy nibbled my goatee. And I would do it again a thousand times. The unflappable clutches of mortality ripped you away from me, and that piece of my heart along with you. You carry that piece with you now wherever you run and roam free...I wouldn't want it any other way. The hole in my heart will heal and mend with time, but it will be there forever, and I will never be complete again until we are reunited. We will be together again, I have to believe we will. I will hug you and you'll nibble my goatee before you chew me out for not coming with you in the first place. And I'll take you on a walk to the ends of time. I love you. I miss you. My life is immeasurably better for having had you in it, and nothing will be the same without you. Please...be happy, my "bubba," wherever you are...and wait for me. I'll join you in time...and I'll be counting the days until I do. I love you so much...you were my knight in shining armor. I love you.

In Loving Memory of Aleksey Maximillion...the most wonderful Siberian Husky a boy could wish for.