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What Has Become of the Beggar Prince After He Slew the Dragon?

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All of us in this world are helpless. I'll disappear into the darkness. The war with demoralized adults is over. I've lost my honor, my pride, the female I cherish... I've lost everything... Let it end. I'm number four. Product ID number four. I may be weak and small, but I have good flavor. Leave nothing but my antlers. Eat me and be grateful.

These thoughts. These words... they were supposed to be my last. Like many others I uttered today, they carry a bitter taste, unlike the mild sweetness of the bamboo grass tea on my tongue.

I look at my host. The panda. The bear looks heavily battered. The odor from him... blood and sweat. I'm no dog to rely on my nose, but even I can smell it. No doubt he had his fair share in the brawl with the Shishigumi. He's the one responsible for Louis, the Red Deer still being alive. But I feel no gratitude. Just when I thought at the very least I can go out on my own terms, another adult takes the reins of my life from me. A carnivore at that! Massive and powerful, to even scare the crap out of those lions.

There's one thing I am painfully aware of. Always been, for my entire life. I have no control over anything. I was about to end it tonight, but before I pulled the trigger, a well-aimed bolt had sent the gun flying from my hand. The same way Oguma's intervention dragged the knife's edge away from my throat all those years ago. To save me. To force more of this pathetic life on me.

"How do you like the tea?"

Are you serious? This is what he asks?

"It's fine. Thank you for offering," I say, looking around the room. It is an old and ragged place, like almost everything inside and around the Back Alley Market. I should know. The images of places like this haunt me in my dreams to this day. And yet, the yellow light, the worn out carpet under my shoes, and the steaming cup of tea... make the place oddly calming. I would even say cozy... if it wasn't for the weird screens mounted on the wall just over a single bed on the side of the room. A view I'd rather expect in a hospital. The thought takes me back to the question the man ignored when I asked for the first time. When we were rushing here from the Shishigumi's hideout.

"So who are you exactly? And what were you doing there?"

This raises a chuckle out of him.

"This is rich! A minor, a Cherryton student at that, trespassing the lair of lion mobsters, and yet you're coming on like a mayor of the place."

He noticed the school's emblem. Well, of course he did.

"I'm a third year, I'm eighteen."

He raises an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Like that changes shit." His voice is gruff and low. Manly. So different from my own. You could be blind, or anosmic, and bet all your money he's a carnivore. There's no mistake. And he's not wrong. It changes nothing. I'm just a boy in the world of adults. I don't need to be reminded of that.

"...but going back to your question, I'm a doctor. The name's Gouhin."

"Louis."

I shake his outstretched hand, feeling the power of those muscles in his grip. But Gouhin isn't crushing my hand. It's an honest, respectable gesture. Makes him... more trustworthy, I suppose. What a jarring contrast... I can't help but remember the feel of the mayor's hand when we sealed the deal earlier today. The moment I sold my soul. And Haru. And the burning sickness inside me, just right after.

That powerful punch that sent me flying, I almost welcomed it. Even though I fought back, I knew immediately when I saw Legoshi's rightful anger, that I finally got to witness that wolf's strength unleashed. On me. And I knew I deserved it. Wait...

"You came there with him, didn't you?"

The panda shots me a long look at that. It's strange talking to him. I cannot make out where the hell his eyes are. It's just two pools of black staring back at me.

"Come on, I'm not an idiot. There's no way Legoshi would make it through the gang of lions by himself."

"You're right, I helped the wolf. But gotta give it to him, he does pack some solid punch for a kid."

"No kidding," I smirk, my hand wandering to my left eye. It's already swollen and I can feel the throbbing pain rising, as the adrenaline of this evening's events subsides.

"That his work too?"

"Yeah, but I deserved it."

"So... you know each other." He's not asking. Do we really, though, I wonder?

"We're both members of the Cherryton's Drama Club."

"...and you just recently got into a scuffle and then rushed to save a girl from death by devouring. Yes, no shit you're in Drama Club. I can see where this one's going, too..."

"Nowhere, really," I say. And it's a bitter realization. "I've... I've lost this fight." ...What is going on? I barely got the words out! Suddenly, it's as if my throat was being squeezed by some invisible force. Come on, Louis, keep it together!

"Is that why you were trying to kill yourself?"

I don't know if it's the blunt way he asked that, or just that it's not his goddamn business, but I feel the tides rising within me. I'm not about to confess my sins to this carnivore. What the hell does he know about my life, anyway?

"What's it to you?" I hear myself retort before I bite my tongue. "Are you some kind of shrink?"

It's a juvenile thing to say. This morning I'd rather fight the yakuza barehanded, than let it be heard spilling out of my mouth. Now? It feels good. And I don't care, anyway.

"Shrinks are for rich parents and their asshole kids," snorted the panda.

This is a bit too close to home for an accidental remark... is it not? I can't help but wonder if he knows who I am as he goes on.

"I'm a psychiatrist, helping the carnivores down here on the Back Alley Market. Call it a professional inclination, if you will, but I want to make sure I'm not finding a stone cold buck when I enter here in the morning."

"Well then, you should have left me to my fate instead. Would have spared you the problem," I say. "And I don't intend on staying."

"Listen here," he growls, pointing a finger at me. "I might not specialize in moody, suicidal teenagers, but I'm still a doctor. It's my obligation to prevent such nonsense from happening."

"Moody?"

"You're not exactly a ray of sunshine."

"Don't offend me. I don't do happy-go-lucky, babbling idiot."

"Yes, you do jaded-suicidal-asshole instead. Not exactly a preferable mindset."

Who's the asshole here?

"That's how you talk to your patients too?" I can hear my voice rising, slipping out of my control. I can keep my calm, I am the lead actor, after all, but this man is getting on my nerves.

"What kind of doctor are you? You've barely met me, and yet you already know me inside out?!"

That shuts him up, but as he's staring at me, I realize it's not the same silence I'm going for whenever I put a club mate back in line. In fact, his look is unwavering. When he finally speaks, it's calm. Measured.

"Hardly. But given your background, I can see the general picture coming up."

"My background?"

"Yes. You're not a celebrity yet, but you're not exactly anonymous either. A son of a powerful businessman, a top student in the prestigious Cherryton Academy, and the prime candidate for its next Beastar..." he recites, and takes a sip of his own tea. So he did recognize me. Then he goes on.

"Adolescence is a difficult period. Let alone for someone with a past such as yours. So... we have_that_ in the roots, with your status to top it off. I can't even imagine the pressure you must feel, product ID number four."

The words sting like hot iron. What the hell? Of all the people... how dares he, a carnivore, a doctor, for crying out loud, utter it back to me?! No! No... Stop it. I won't let him push my buttons like that. I take a moment to calm down, but eventually I'm good enough to answer.

"You've heard." I say, just looking him in the eyes. Where I think they are, at least. It's a statement, not a question. This part of my life... I don't want to share. With anyone. I would erase it from my head if I could. That he knows... is unfortunate. It was bad enough to discover there are records of that in the mayor's possession.

"I did."

"And?"

"With what you said and did on the top of that tower, you clearly have some issues under those antlers. I'm trying to tell whether it was just emotional nonsense, or if you actually need help."

"I don't need your pity."

"And you're not getting any," he grunts, taking out a cigarette. I can't help but marvel at the way those big, clawed fingers handle the lighter gracefully.

"I've spent a long time on the Back Alley Market," he goes on after a puff. "I know what you meant, when you called yourself by your product ID. Breeding and raising herbivores as livestock is by far the most horrendous practice here and in similar places around the world."

Yes, but where is he going with this? Is this some weak attempt at building a bridge of trust so I open up to him and end up crying my heart out? What a sorry psychology... but from his next words, I take my thoughts must have been showing on my face.

"I'm not trying to ruse you. I used to work with someone who lived through the hell of the livestock facility, just as you. There is no coming out of such place unscathed."

Don't I know that. All too well... but this changes nothing. A carnivore would never comprehend this feeling... but he's waiting for my answer.

"In that case..." I say and take a sip from my cup, just to make him wait. "You will understand if I ask you to never address me this way again."

"Fair enough. But why did you refer to yourself this way?"

I snort, not even trying to hide my exasperation. Unbelievable. This guy...

"I don't want to talk about this."

Why did I...? That's so simple, it's almost insulting! What else is there for me to do?! What more do I have to offer...? With the moment the bullet pierced the skull of that feline bastard, I had already accomplished more than through my entire life. One good deed, an honest one... out of my own volition. Probably the best I could ever hope for. I look down at the teacup in my hands. It's empty by now, and with the tea, gone is the heat from the porcelain walls that was warming my fingers. There's nothing more left to me. Nothing that would ring true anymore... besides my flavor and the number on my leg.

I knew what I was doing. I was perfectly aware of the three big cats about to devour me, and yet... at that moment there was no fear. Only their shining fangs, so similar to Legoshi's, that I faced three months ago. Their sight made me flinch back then. I wouldn't have flinched today. I know that.

But how the hell could this Gouhin ever understand all that?

When I look at him, the panda is staring at me. I can never tell what he might be thinking from his expressionless features. It's as if his very own panda nature was working to his advantage in hiding his emotions. Either that, or his experience as a psychiatrist. Or both. It's unnerving. Intimidating. I know this kind of look. Oguma mastered it too, to the point where he can shut animals down with a glance. But so do I, to a degree. So I challenge him. And after a while, the panda relents.

"Fine. Have it your way, deer boy," he growls, getting up from his seat. Small satisfaction.

"I'll be on my way then."

This stops him in his tracks, though.

"Yeah... I don't think so."

"What do you mean you don't think so? You can't lock me up here."

"Calm down and look at yourself. You're in no shape to be going anywhere at this hour. It's past midnight. You're drenched and this eye of yours could use a cold compress. Not to mention I'm not letting an herbivore youngster roam around the Back Alley Market in the night. I'll show you to the showers and get you some dry clothes. You will spend the night here, and tomorrow you can do whatever the hell you want."

A sigh escapes my lungs, but come to think about it, it is a reasonable thing to do. Besides, there's no point in fighting over this with him.

"Alright, deal," I agree. "Thank you for the hospitality, then."

"Don't mention it. I'm doing it more for myself than you. If you're going to venture out tomorrow and still do something stupid, that's on you. Now come with me."

I follow him out of the room and down the corridor.

"That is quite a leap from your previous approach," I bring up. It is strange. "What's with 'I'm a doctor, I can't allow this'?"

"You're of age, ultimately it's your decision. Nobody can stop you. But I don't think you're going to do that."

Interesting...I don't know if I'm going to do that. How could he tell?

"And why is that?"

"Why devouring?" He stops to look me in the eyes. It takes me off guard.

"Isn't that obvious? The lions were there, seemed like a natural choice."

"The gun was a natural choice. Quick, efficient. Painless. Being eaten is none of those things. Animals commit suicide to stop the pain. You wanted pain. You don't want to die, not really. You wanted to punish yourself."

Left alone in the bathroom, I take a look around. It is ancient, like the rest of the building, with walls covered in dirty-gray tiles. Not entirely unlike the ones in Cherryton. At least it's clean. And that's what I am here for, I remind myself.

As I go about undressing, I mull over his words. Is this what I'm after? Punishment? I don't know that. I feel dirty. Tainted. The navy blue Cherryton polo is still soaked from July's rain. Disgust clings to my mind just as this wet shirt sticks to my torso. It's itching under my skin when I pull it up, catching onto my short fur as if it didn't want to get off.

"Damn it!"

I'm fighting it, not helping myself one bit! But finally it lands on the floor with a wet slap. Annoying rag! As if the antlers weren't enough of a nuisance! This anger, this struggle... I'm winded, panting. And then, looking down, I notice the school's emblem. Its features twisted on the crinkled sleeve. That's when this overwhelming sensation grips me. What is this, all of a sudden? It's unbearable to be with myself right now... If I'm this school's best... Maybe I deserve to be punished.

I turn away. I can't stand looking at it. Shoes come off, socks, and all the rest follows. I don't care about the mess on the floor, let it all lay there. Trying to stay proper just feels... ridiculous. I only want to get the water pouring down my body as fast as I can.

It's lukewarm. Makes my body shiver as it's running down my back. The soap is some cheap brand, smells... well, chemically with a touch of lemon that I'm not sure does it any good. Now the water's getting even worse. Thankfully, the sounds coming from the boiler are distracting and dreadful enough to make me hurry. I'm out in no time, and towel myself down furiously, while the water's still sadly spattering down from the shower head. The towel is coarse, leaves my skin raw and my short fur in even greater disarray. But at least it's some warm-up.

Leaving the stall, I catch a glimpse. Not even that, it's a blink of an eye, and makes my fur stand. What the hell, did he come inside?! No. It's a mirror. There are several of those on the sidewalls over the sinks. It's me, and now I feel ashamed. From here, my frame fits in almost entirely. Naked, frail, with a growing black eye and disheveled fur. Pathetic. I lift my leg to... why? To get to see the complete picture? There's the four on the sole of my foot. How fitting. Was I really going to sacrifice Haru to lift this curse? Would this mark of death disappear if I paid with a life of another? Like THIS? Knowing the answer makes me want to vomit.

This uneasiness accompanies me to the bed. The mattress is nowhere as comfortable as my own in the Cherryton's dorm, but it is good enough. Almost doesn't fit the place. Only now I realize how exhausted I am. But it doesn't do a thing, sleep isn't coming, although I would welcome it more than anything. Instead, I lay here in the dark, with the cold compress on my left eye, looking at the window. From this angle, I can't see anything, really. Faint moonlight is spilling inside through the bars, casting the crossed-patterned shadow onto the floor and the wall. And my head is almost spinning from the thoughts roaring in my mind.

Did they make it safely back to school? No, wait, it was already too late to take the train back... Where are they right now? I hope they are safe. This good-for-nothing wolf would probably get himself killed or arrested out there, but as long as he's with Haru... she is resourceful. She will take care of them. It puts me at ease, if just a little.

I didn't get a good look at them from the balcony. I wasn't expecting to ever see them again. Knowing that she was safe was enough. But this takes my thoughts in the other direction. Will I see them again? Haru... how will I look you in the eyes? I can't believe that I've done this.

Something grips me from the inside and makes it difficult to breathe. I can feel it in my chest. I can feel it in my throat. What is this burning sensation?

If not for the goddamn panda, I wouldn't have to be going through all these... emotions right now. It wasn't supposed to go like that!

Haru... We've been to a hotel one time. In the Neon District. Did she take him there? It would be appropriate. The hero saves his lady and they spend a romantic night together... I would laugh at this whole idea, a wolf and a rabbit together, but... as unbelievable as it seemed, it turned out to be true, didn't it? Legoshi has proved it to me today... and I don't feel like laughing.

Why am I thinking about this? Why can't I stop thinking about them?! I don't want these thoughts, why they are still haunting me? I've lost my honor, my pride. I made my peace with the thought I won't live through this night. That's what was supposed to happen.

And yet I find myself in this most peculiar position. For years, I've known the path ahead of me. I thought I had all that under control. Arranged marriage, conglomerate to inherit... I knew all that and I've kept reminding Haru about it. Bluntly. Who was I so dead set on convincing, Haru? I'm not so sure anymore.

Am I too weak to do what's expected of me? How am I fit to change the world if this strange attachment to a rabbit girl from the Gardening Club left me in shame? My own choices disgraced me, and I was bested by a nobody wolf, too scared of his own nature to show it. But you did show it, finally, didn't you, Legoshi? You have shown me your true strength and stripped me down to my weakness. You did the right thing and have taken the girl I hold dear from me. And I have no right to complain. I have no right to jealousy. Knowing she is safe should be enough. It has to be enough. But this feeling... it's not going away.

The air of this long summer night is warm and heavy with humidity. Here in this bed, however, I'm cold and trembling.