Bad Kiwi vs. The Spooty Men Who Wear Ninja Suits (Part One!)
#2 of The Book of Kiwi
(Well. :P Note: I see some people thought my last story sucked.
:P No fear, I'm just submitting my stories for no reason. These stories weren't ment to be cool. These are more... Random than most people think. Anyway, enjoy this one. Based on a bit o' Stupidity. *If you can tell where I got some of the storyline from, you'll be a national hero. :P*)
The year is 1999...
For many years, President Ronnie was favored among his people...
He listened to their pleas, and for what they wanted... The loved everyone and everything, and never kept a group out of the spotlight. Be it nerds, goths, preps, or just the working class. However, no one knew that he hated ninjas. And one day... a ninja clan by the name of The Spooty Men Who Wear Ninja Suits kidnapped President Ronnie...
The people where terrified, confused, and in a state of desperation. Who would save President Ronnie?
****
Well, they had to ask someone! But who...?
So, the Secret Service held a meeting, and decided to address the masses. They asked for anyone who would help at the time... But hey, I bet they didn't expect a damn Kiwi bird.
"For the last time... Go away."
"Kiwi," it peeped. It looked into the eyes of two soilders dressed in bad artic camos.
"My goodness!" said a officer to General Maxwell, "That thing just won't go away. What does it want?"
"I don't know. Get it out of here!"
"Yes, Mr. Maxwell!"
"Kiwi," it said again as it was kicked out of the Oval Office. It just stood there as the oak doors slammed behind him. He didn't look back. Not at all. And...well...no. He didn't. He stood there for about an hour until...
"Kiwi."
Yep. It said 'kiwi' again. Moving on...
****
Meanwhile, the Spooty Men Who Wear Ninja Suits were celebrating their victory over the President. And what's a better way than doing so by having a sleepover!
Several of the ninjas, dressed in pink suits with little bunny rabbits and clouds, were having a pillow fight (Woo!), while President Ronnie, who was bound and gagged to a giant plushie, finally removed a Beanie Baby that was inserted into his mouth.
"Hey!" he shouted.
The ninjas ignored and kept playing in their little girl-man ways.
"HEY!"
They stopped jumping around like fools and looked towards the President.
"What do you want?" said one gruffly.
"I have to pee!"
"Too bad."
"But I HAVE to pee!"
"No."
"But I HAVE TO PEE!"
"No." The ninjas went back to their playing.
"Dammit, man! I have to go... NOW."
"No!" another said, while getting hit on the head with a well thrown pillow.
"You don't want me to ruin this suit, now do ya?" Ronnie said desperately, pointing to his black business suit with his foot.
The ninjas observed. "Hm. Yeah, it is nice... But no."
On the verge of peeing on himself like a little boy, a door opened, only to reveal the most Evil of Evils, the most Spooty of the Spooty, the Bossiest of Bosses --
"Aye! Master Tang!" they shouted as they threw their pillows aside as if nothing happened.
"You! All of you! Go and guard the front door!" Tang growled, trying to scratch his ass through his red suit of evil.
"Yes sir!" they said in unison, as they ran out of the pink room of girlitude.
"Mr. President..." Tang began, "Why don't you like ninjas?"
"I like ninjas--"
"LIES!" Tang yelled as he slightly nudged Ronnie so he would tip over. Ronnie kept his balance. "You HATE ninjas! Am I correct?"
"No--"
"DON'T ANSWER ME WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION!"
"Um...okay..."
"DON'T SAY ANYTHING!"
Ronnie stared at the ninja as if he was drunk on stupid.
"Now... DO YOU HATE NINJAS!"
Ronnie stared for a moment, then nodded.
"ANSWER ME WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION!"
And so...Ronnie was pretty confused by then...
Master Tang stomped out of the room, locking the door behind him. Ronnie waited for a moment, only to let out his pee. Well, nothing wrong with that. I would, too.
****
Master Tang stood before his henchmen, most of them dressed in absurd colors, and said, "I have a feeling, like most Evil Bosses do for no reason what so ever, that we're going to have to defend our very lives to carry out our Evil Plan!"
The ninjas clapped and nodded. One even lifted up a shirt. :P
"And I say, this feeling is telling me, that some obviously unlikely hero will try to defeat us! Now what we must do is guard the front door and nothing else!"
The other ninjas stared at him as if he was a herm turkey.
"NOTHING! Ya got that!? Not the windows, not the doorbell, not the bathrooms, not even the gaping-hole-in-the-front-that-anyone-can-easily-walk-through... NOTHING AT ALL!"
And they nodded.
Good... Now, let's begin with Phase one...
(Well, sweet jeebus! What do the SMWWNS have in store? And if you can't figure out who the hero is obviously, you need to play a nice game of New Zealand Story! :P Find out where all this stupidity leads to in part 2 of this crazy stuff! *Completed 1-25-04 11:21 PM Central*)