The Diary of Sanec
#2 of Stories that seem to change your life.
Disclaimer: This story is about gay love and gay relations, if you happen to not like either, then why did you even click...?
I own all characters in this story, they are copyright to me. I do not, however, take credit as to what my characters are. Poke'mon is copyright of Nintendo.
Rogue Studios is proud to present:
The Diary of Sanec
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June 17th, 2007
Well, I went out and bought a diary today... I don't know why... Mom and Dad dying so suddenly has thrown me for a loop, but after a while of crying, not taking care of the house, and starving... I figured it was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get to work. I will not give up >:O
I'm taking the time to write this because whatever happens to me in the future will be the result of what happens in my life day by day, and I want to keep a record and remember as much about my life as possible. It's a silly wish, I know, but it's not that big a deal. I'm sure I can handle writing in my diary every now and then. It won't be a problem... I hope. ^^;
June 21st, 2007
Day 4 of owning my diary, and not much has happened... I stay inside, clean the house, shop when necessary, and basically everything an adult would do if they were home alone, I guess, other than working. I've been home alone before, but my parents won't ever be coming back. And I can't leave the house and live with a relative either... It would just fall into disrepair and be torn down, or be taken up by squatters. That wouldn't be good >.<;... I'll see if there's something I can do later...
July 14th, 2007
It's been a long time since I've written in here D: . I feel like I have neglected it...
Anyways, I went to an amusement park with Chiran a few days ago. That haunter gets queasy real easily though xD. Instead of being purple, after the roller coaster he was bright green~, and I nearly laughed my heart out. That day it felt like I had forgotten my parents were dead. It was nice, not remembering that they were gone, but as soon as I got home and remembered again I felt a sharp pain in my heart and wanted to just go into my room and cry. I did just that. It's hard, trying to be an adult when you're only eleven... I don't want any other people to go through it like I am right now.
Grandma and Grandpa are paying the bills for the house for me until I get a job, so I don't use much electricity or water to save them money. I'm grateful for that, I really am~. I don't know how I'd be able to live without them at this point.
August 28th, 2007
Today was my first day of school at my new middle school. Grandma and Grandpa helped me with my school supplies. I'm finally going into seventh grade~! I had to memorize the way from my house to my new school, though... Because after that Grandma and Grandpa couldn't drive me anymore, they said I had to walk.
I don't mind it, I really don't. I love my new school, it's so cool looking. But something else also caught my attention... No, it wasn't a girl, it was a boy. I overheard his name earlier today and committed it to memory. It was Rioku. He was a Pupitar, blue, armored, the works. But that's not all that caught my attention. It was the fact that he was extremely... well, I can't believe I'm about to say this about a guy... but he's really good-looking. What do they call it when a guy likes another guy... 'gay' or something? I'm not gay, I like girls... I think I do, at least...
October 3rd, 2007
I haven't been writing much because... well... I was busy figuring out if I really am 'gay'... I know what some people do to gays, and I don't want that stuff to happen to me, but... Rioku is just so incredibly... well... hot... I can never tear my eyes away from him, even when I'm talking to Chiran! He's said hi to me a few times, but I don't think he would have recognized me as many times as he did if it wasn't for my skin color. Dark cherry red is a pretty good attention-grabber. I've tried to tell him I thought he was pretty cool, but I just couldn't get him away from the other students >_< He's just too popular! I can't even invite him over to my house, because his parents would probably want to talk to mine and they can't cuz... they're... well... dead. AND I doubt he'd invite me over to his house, he's too high up there to want to be around a lowly like me. Oh well, diary, I'll try and keep you posted...
P.S. I figured it out finally, I am gay.
January 1st, 2008
Happy New Year, diary! That's just about the only thing that's new, though. The situation with Rioku hasn't changed at all. He even said he thinks he might be close to evolving... God, am I going to have to go into hiding when THAT happens... If I get a hard-on now whenever I look at him, I'm going to freakin' cream myself after he evolves! I can't imagine how cool he would look... Mnn... Great, now I have a stiffy... Sorry diary. I myself don't think I'm close to evolving at all, not even into a Machoke... everyone else in the school ((save for those who can't evolve)) have already evolved once... Well, in every race someone has to be last. I guess it's me this time. Oh well, It's no problem. Now I don't really have to worry about anyone else being last~.
April 18th, 2008
Happy birthday to me~ Happy birthday to me~ Happy birthday unevolved emo kid~ Happy birthday to me~. I'm twelve now~. Hooray~.
Yes, that meant exactly what it should have. I've gone emo now, but not cut-my-wrists-I-wanna-die-emo. Just I-wear-black-all-the-time-every-day-now-emo. I'm depressed, I still have not evolved. Rioku has said that he can feel it getting closer and closer every day. His armor has been cracking as well, also a sign that he's about to evolve. I envy him, I really do... I wish I could evolve soon. I think I'd finally be able to stand a chance against all those people who ask him out... Though the only people who ask him out are girls, and apparently he always says no. Either that means that he's gay too, like me... Or it means that he just doesn't want a relationship. I'll investigate these matters further as time progresses. I will not be writing in my diary for the summer, only the last day of school.
June 10th, 2008
Today is not only the last day of school, but the anniversary of the death of my parents. I miss them a lot today, and the few people who know, Chiran, some other poke'mon who call themselves my friends, and Rioku, who indeed tried inviting me to his house, and asked if our parents could talk about it later, only for me to end up crying as I told him I live on my own, and that my parents are dead. He patted my back, said a word of apology, and stayed there for a few minutes while I stopped crying. It drew the attention of a small crowd, and being the kind of person I am, the kind that hates having all the attention focused on me, I did the logical thing to do: I ran. I ran away from the crowd, and after a while I heard some poke'mon saying:
"What did you say to him, Rioku?"
"Dude, not cool"
"Don't egg on him like that, Rioku, he's the only one in the school who hasn't evolved yet, and rumor has it he's had a tough life that just keeps getting tougher"
"You just made the kid with almost no friends cry. Not only that but he hasn't evolved. What's wrong with you?"
Today was the day that Rioku found me alone on the outskirts of campus and told me he was sorry. He didn't mean to make me cry. It almost seemed like there was genuine remorse in his tone, and that he hadn't been pestered by his many friends to go make nice, but that he did this on his own...
It almost seemed like that...
August 30th, 2008
It was the first day of school again today... The first day of a nightmare. Rioku had evolved again over the summer, now he was extremely hot, well muscular, he even smelled sexy, I mean. I nearly DID cream myself when I first saw him today. I, on the other hand, am still my Machop self... But the weird thing is that Rioku actually sought me out today, saw me, looked dejected for some odd reason, and started walking towards me. I quickly walked away, leaving him with his arm outstretched and mouth open, like he was going to say something. I was blushing, I was hard, and I nearly cummed just by seeing him. I feel bad... Like really bad... I think he had something to say to me and I just completely ran away like an asshole.
August 31st, 2008
I went back to Rioku today, and having released myself earlier, was not aroused as much as I talked to him, asking him what he wanted to tell me about yesterday. This is how the conversation went...:
"Umm, hi, Rioku... I'm um... Sorry about running away yesterday... What... what was it that you wanted to tell me...?" I had said, nervously blushing but my dark skin color masked it completely.
"Oh... I was just wondering... You haven't evolved yet...?" He asked me without even crinkling his brow. It made me feel insignificant.
I gulped, and fought down a sob, but it caught in my throat and my voice cracked. "No-o... I hav-ven't..." I choked back another sob silently.
"Oh..... I'm sorry to hear that. How's life at home...?" He went to put his hand on my shoulder, apparently to try and comfort me, but all it did was attract a crowd. I hated crowds. But any physical contact with Rioku always drew everyone's attention, because he only touched people once in a blue moon. This was the second time he touched me, and lucky people only get touched by him once. Two touches draws a huge crowd... I hated crowds so much...
I held my ground, though every muscle in my body told me to run, scream, shout, flail, do anything to just get away from it all. But I kept my focus and kept talking with him.
"It's fine... I haven't had any problems that I can't handle lately... It's just small stuff... Broken dishwasher, fried television... the works..." His eyes lit up and I realized that no one else in this school other than me probably knew how to fix either of those things.
"You mean you can actually fix those things?" He asked, voicing everyone's questions.
I blushed, this time it showed through my skin though. "Y-yeah... It-it's no big deal... I figured I should know how to fix things in case anything broke... so I wouldn't have to call a mechanic... So... I read up on it all..."
Random shouts came out from within the crowd: "Can you fix my iPod!?", "Hey! Come over to my house and fix our toaster!!", "My Wii broke a while ago, can you fix it?!", "Hey, Sanec, come fix my television!!", "Can you help me change a lightbulb that burned out? I don't know how."
This was too much for me. Whenever I tried to come out of my shell and show myself to the world and not run, some people have to go and screw it up. I ran away - again - from the person I crushed on. Sometimes, I guess being popular is not what people need. After that, for the rest of the day I'm the talk of the school... I don't want this... I think I'll just lay low for the next few days... Miss school for a few days...
September 7th, 2008
It has been a week since the incident. I got all my assignments online, and turned them all in today. Whispers and pointed fingers followed me wherever I went. I could not be the Machop who blends into the background that I wanted to be. This is truly hell.
September 10th, 2008
It's Monday again, and after a gratefully needed weekend it's back to school for me. There was a ton of gossip, and I found myself needing to hide out in the principal's office just to run away from it all... I hate this. I never wanted this, dang it. I guess this serves me right, I am gay after all... I guess it's just punishment. I have a feeling that I won't be writing in here for a long, long, time.
April 18th, 2009
Happy birthday to me again~... Finally a teenager... I haven't had a birthday party in two years, now. It's saddening, really, to think of myself as having such a pitiful existence that I don't even have any friends I could invite over. I doubt that very many people would come, anyways. I mean, I'm the nobody who cries easily and can't even talk to other poke'mon without having to run away. I could just commit suicide, no one would miss me, no one would care. There'd be more oxygen for the rest of the world. Yeah, that's it. Stop global warming: Commit suicide. I should do it in a public place though... Just to go out with a bang and show people that my life is more effed up than theirs. I'll do it on the second anniversary of my parent's death... June 10th... Also known as the last day of school...
June 9th, 2009
I have packed a small vial of cyanide into my backpack. I have made a plan. Right before the final bell, when I have 6th period with Rioku, I will take the cyanide, walk up to him, admit that I am gay, that I love him, that I cannot live like this anymore, and that I'm about to die... Then the world will fade away... I think some things might discourage me... Though nothing short of Rioku yelling to the entire school that he is gay would prevent my suicide. Goodbye, cruel world, thou shan't force me to taste thine evils again. I shall miss thee not.
June 10th, 2009. 8:43 a.m. 1st Period. 5 hours, 47 minutes remaining until termination.
I have decided to take my diary to school today, and chuck it at Rioku's head before I die so that he knows what he has put me through. This is some sick sort of revenge, I know, but still. It will enlighten him as to what I am about to do... just five and a half more hours, then it's goodbye world.
June 10th, 2009. 10:29 a.m. 3rd Period. 4 hours, 1 minute remaining until termination.
Chiran does not know what it is that I'm up to today. He's been saying all throughout second period today that I've never acted like this before. He says I seem happy, that I'm laughing... That I'm smiling. I have not smiled in over a year. He probably thinks it's because this hellhole known as Middle School is over. I know better. Trust me, I know much better.
June 10th, 2009. 1:07 p.m. 5th Period. 1 hour, 23 minutes remaining until termination.
Today has been, without a doubt, one of the best days of my life. I have been able to act freely, without hindrance by the fear I normally host. The fear of changing opinions on me based on my actions. I can finally breathe. I have no regrets, I will carry out with my plan. I will show the world what I am on the inside, who I am, what I am, what I wanted to be, my hopes, my dreams, my emotions. Everything. I will not hold anything back. I have one more diary entry to write. Then it will be all over.
June 10th, 2009. 2:23 p.m. 6th Period. 0 hours, 7 minutes remaining until termination.
So... This is it... I am holding the small vial in my right hand, which is in my pocket, as I write this with my left. It will be a timely end to what I view of as my life. It's almost funny. The person who caused this unknowingly is sitting about five feet to my left. He is looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I can feel myself blushing. He's writing something down on a small piece of paper, and passing it to me. I'm going to read it in just a moment. I'll be back. I'm back. This is what the note said:
"What are you doing?"
I wrote back: "You'll know in a few minutes. I have to do something before I tell you." I passed the note back.
It came back almost immediately, drawing my attention yet again from the vial in my pocket, and this diary. It said:
"I have something to tell you, though." I'll be back, again.
I wrote back onto the note: "Go ahead."
He hesitated with the pencil in his hand, flipping the paper over to write on the back. There, in wobbly, unsure writing, and the blush of the century, was something I had completely not expected.
"Sanec, you're the person I trust more than anyone in this entire school, so, I have a feeling that you'd be able to keep my secret. The secret is..."
There were a few lines on empty space underneath those words. And then, there, the writing that brought tears to my eyes. It had three simple words: "I. Am. Gay."
I reeled back after reading it, taking the vial out of my pocket, running to the window, and hurling it as far as I could. I heard an audible crack that seemed like a weight on my shoulders had just cracked in half, and both parts slid off me, leaving me free, happy, I knew not what to do next. I walked back to him, and he asked me:
"What was that?"
I smiled. "Just a wishing bottle. You break it when your wish comes true."
"What did you wish for?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
I smiled, blushing. I pointed at the note, and put a finger over my mouth as if to 'shh'.
He smiled. The bell rang. I smiled back. We both gathered our things, and walked out the door. He walked me home, a little closer than I would have wanted if I hadn't known that he was gay as well. I was happy, though I had promised to keep his secret, I wished that we could have been... together... longer... But he wanted to keep it a secret. And so a secret it shall stay. And that means that he can't be in a relationship yet.
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Thank-you, all! I know I haven't written in a long while, but please, if any of you have Chatango Accounts, please message mitsuxurufu and give her a big thank-you for helping me write! She deserves it as the person who proofread this entire entry and helped me focus my creative spirit~... I also hope this gave you some inside info on Sanec's life and how he felt about Rioku before they confessed. I love you all! Please, feel free to comment!!