Chapter 12

Max slept better that night, if only from bodily exhaustion as much as from any other benefits of the Balance. He was at least thankful for it to stretch out sore muscles after the session. He did notice that, having done it, the crawling sensation on his body seemed better. Not perfect, but better. As he drifted off to sleep, he almost wondered if there was something to this Balance thing after all.

At dinner after their last session for the week, now nearly three weeks into their training, Alva was barely eating, and spent most of their time pushing food around their plate. Max had noticed that over the last week, they seemed to be getting more and more exhausted, even as he felt like he was getting better and better.

"Thank goodness tomorrow's a break from the sessions, huh? I don't think I could stand another session of wasps crawling all over me." Max said, trying to make light conversation to fill the silence.

Alva sighed, nodding. "I could use a day of rest. I don't think I've been this tired in...ever." Alva said, with a tiny laugh. "Never though I'd say that."

"Got any plans for tomorrow?" Max asked hopefully.

Alva shook their head. "I'm sorry Max, but I don't think I'll be up for much tomorrow. This week has been utterly exhausting, and I just need a day to truly rest."

Max did his best to hide his disappointment. "Oh, okay. I wouldn't mind doing that either."

The next morning, Max awoke at dawn as he usually did, only to roll over and fall back asleep, only waking once his room was good and bright. He lounged around in bed for a few minutes before getting up, hoping to make it to breakfast before the dining hall cleaned up. He stepped out of his room, dressed and ready to go, to find Alva asleep on the couch, sitting up and snoring gently. Being careful to not wake them, he crept out of the house, only just managing to grab some breakfast as they were cleaning up. He grabbed a couple clementines for Alva, taking them back to the house. He opened the door slowly, and peeking his head in he saw that they were still asleep. When he shut it again, though, he heard a strangled gasp behind him. Turning around, he saw Alva was staring up at the ceiling, breathing like they'd just run a mile.

Max's ears pinned to his head. "Sorry to startle you, I was trying to be quiet."

Alva's eyes slid to Max, as if they weren't seeing him. They stared at him before closing their eyes, trying to control their breathing by force of will. "You didn't." They managed, sounding vaguely like they were choking.

"Sorry. I brought you some clementines back." Max said, bringing them over to Alva.

Alva's eyes opened slowly, looking at the fruit Max was holding out for them. They took both. "Thank you." They said softly, staring at the fruit in their hands.

"You're welcome. I thought you'd be hungry when you woke up." When they didn't move, Max cocked his head. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Alva said, a bitter edge to their voice. They began slowly peeling the clementine, popping wedges of it into their mouth. They didn't speak, instead focusing entirely on their clementines. It was clear to Max that they weren't okay, but it was equally clear they didn't want to talk about it. He stood awkwardly for a moment before taking a seat on one of the stools, picking his book up to continue where he left off. He had only been reading for a few minutes when Alva asked, "Want to play some cards?"

Max looked up from his book, and saw Alva had regained most of their composure. He wanted to keep reading, but he decided there would be plenty of time for that later. "Sure."

They played cards until noon light streamed in through the windows of the house. Alva was talkative enough, but Max got the feeling they were distracted. Twice they made terrible blunders in two different hands, one of them costing them the game, marking the first time Max had won. They congratulated him on his first win, though the next hand didn't fare near as well for him.

They quit for lunch, still discussing the game through lunch. That line of discussion had worn thin, though, by the time they were back in the house. Max was done losing to Alva, so he picked his book up again and started reading. Alva took a seat next to Max, feigning disinterest, but they glanced at Max too often for it to be chance.

"So, Max, you and I have known each other for, what, three weeks now?" Alva asked.

Max looked up from his book, thinking. "Wow, has it been only three weeks? It seems like it ought to have been months."

Alva laughed. "Regardless, I think we've grown fairly close, at least as close as can be accomplished in three weeks. It helps when we're sharing the same home." They said, flashing a smile.

Max shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

They smiled wider. "Good, I'm glad you think so. I think it's strange that we've gotten so close, and yet we haven't shared our bodies with each other, have we?"

Max startled, looking at Alva wide-eyed. "I'm sorry?"

Alva pressed on, reaching out to rest their hand on Max's arm and leaning towards him. "Oh, no need to be coy with me. I'm sure you're dying for sex as much as I am. I'll even receive you...at least at first." They said, grinning devilishly at Max as they rubbed his arm.

Max stared at Alva, torn between propriety and lust. The result was that Max look as bewildered as if he'd been hit up the side of the head. Alva leaned away from Max, casting a wary look his way. "Is something the matter?"

"Well, uh, that's, ah, um..." The embarrassment drove away any sense of lust. "That's nice, but uh, I dunno..."

Alva's hand left Max's arm, their large ears pinning back as they gave Max a deeply hurt look. "What? Why not?"

"Uh, it's just, uh...well..." Alva's expression made Max pause. Their eyes were hardening into cold fury right before his eyes.

"Why not?" Their voice wasn't loud, nor totally steady, but it carried the weight of a sword hidden in the quiet tone.

"Well, I, uh, I'm just not, er, uh, interested in...that."

"'I'm just not, er, uh, interested'?" Alva said, mocking Max as their lips curled into a snarl. "I would hope you'd have the decency to at least say what you're really meaning, rather than deflecting me with empty words." They shook their head, pulling away from Max and swallowing hard. "Gods, the signs were there, but I ignored them like a desperate fool. I'm sorry I've imposed my presence on you for so long." Max shrunk back in his chair, afraid and bewildered. "I've heard you clear as a sunny day now. I won't bother you anymore."

They got up and strode to their room. "Alva, wait!" Max said, reaching towards them as the door to their bedroom slammed behind them. Max remained frozen for a few seconds before his hand drifted down to dangle beside the stool. He slumped forward, staring lifelessly at Alva's bedroom door before putting his head in his hands. Unbidden, he began to cry silently, both in despair at losing the only friend he had, and in fury at how unfairly Alva's friendship had been taken from him. What kind of person was Alva to end their friendship over being told no to such a monumental, colossal act? Why should they hold it against him that he hesitated? That he wasn't sure if he wanted to take that leap, knowing that there was no possibility of going back? That he would live with that decision for the rest of his life? It felt horribly unfair to lose the first person he could've considered a friend since he left home to something so stupid as that.

The anger was now overwhelming the despair, and he wanted nothing more than to get away from Alva for a while. With no destination in mind, he stormed out of the house, wiping his tears away. He wandered the Academy grounds, stewing in his anger. When dinnertime came, He went and ate, but only because there was food available, not because he was hungry. He didn't see Alva at dinner, and as far as he knew, Alva was still in their bedroom, which was fine with him. He didn't check when he got back to the house, instead heading straight to his room, intending to sleep but finding it hard to. In frustration, he tried to pleasure himself out of habit, but the normally enjoyable act was tainted by his bitter thoughts. Unsatisfied, he rolled over and tried to sleep again.

When he awoke the next morning, his anger had cooled, leaving him only with the despair and bewilderment. He almost missed the anger now; he cried quietly in the darkness of his room, struggling to not feel like he was mourning. He couldn't stand the thought of losing Alva. They'd been the first person since Max had left that he'd talked freely at all to; he knew better than to try with other people, as much as that pained him.

He needed to talk to Alva, try to understand what had happened yesterday, as much as it terrified him to talk to them about it. He quietly put his clothes on, then went to Alva's bedroom door, pausing with his hand held, ready to knock. He swallowed hard, then knocked very quietly, barely making a sound on the door. He waited, and getting no response he tried again, a little harder. He still didn't hear anything from Alva's room, so he finally knocked firmly on their door. "Alva?" He called softly through the door. He still didn't hear anything, and after a couple more tries still didn't get a response. Sighing to himself, he decided that either they were sound asleep, ignoring him, or had already headed to breakfast, which would've been starting soon. Deciding that the best course was to check the dining hall, since it would let him at least do something, he left the house and made his way to the dining hall. Sure enough, sitting alone and well away from everyone else was Alva, their head propped on their hand, eyes closed. A barely-eaten bowl of porridge sat in front of them. Max came over to them and took a seat next to them as quietly as he could, but the movement still woke Alva up with a small jolt. They looked to Max, starting to say something, but their mouth froze upon seeing him, the start of a smile melting to a deep frown. They looked away from Max and resumed determinedly eating.

Now sitting next to them, Max could see deep bags under Alva's eyes, their eyelids drooping precariously low even eating. "Didn't sleep well?" Max asked. Alva didn't say anything back, simply continuing to eat. "I didn't either." Max said. This elicited a bark of mocking laughter from Alva. "Are you okay?" Max asked, barely audible.

Alva dropped their spoon into the bowl, pushing it away with an exasperated sigh. "Max, I told you last night you don't have to talk to me out of politeness, and I haven't changed my mind this morning. So, why don't we stop kidding ourselves and spare you the trouble, hm?" They said, getting up off the bench and striding away, leaving Max alone in the dining hall. He didn't get up to follow, instead he put his head in his hands, pressing into his eyes to hold back the tears. Once he'd calmed down a little, he began helping himself to the food on the table, mounding a bowl full of porridge and eating it all. He went to session with an upset stomach from having eaten too much, made worse by the fear of what was to come. Alva was already there when Max arrived, but they didn't cast so much as a glance his way, instead opting to stare everywhere else except at his seated form. He sighed to himself, deciding that he'd have to try talking to them again another night.