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As soon as my paws formed on the sand, I crumbled to my knees. Hopelessness was a brick that weighed down my heart. Any second, I expected Anthony's hand to grab my arm so tight that it would feel like the bone was about to snap. Or an awful static tingle would wash over my body as I was absorbed back into my pokeball prison. But no, that wouldn't happen until he had his fun.

Anthony's voice was deep and resonant, rattling the headache that pounded in my skull. "You ever show up again--Beau, you ever make me regret this--I'll do what I should've done and bury you in the fucking dirt. Tell me you understand right now. Right now! Or I might just reconsider."

I stumbled in the sand as I lifted myself up to my feet. It felt so long since I had walked anywhere, my legs didn't respond right. My tail was useless for balance too with its snapped tip. It still throbbed with pain whenever I tried to move it. Slowly, I turned to face him. I couldn't meet his eyes, not anymore. My gaze rested on his grey and white sneakers. They were shiny and new. His slightly-too-long jeans bunched up around the cuff. I hated that human so damn much.

I carefully nodded and said, "Fuck you." My voice was shaky enough that he obviously didn't understand. He just stared at me for another long moment, and then turned around to walk away down the beach.

What was happening? After all the terrible torment he'd put me through, was this how he was going to release me? No fanfare, no comforting arms of a savior come to rescue me. Just dumping me on the sand and telling he'd murder me if I ever tried to find him.

Could I even dare to believe he wouldn't come right back to drag me back into the hell I had been living in? I could already hear his cruel laughter ringing in my ears at this first moment of hope in more than a month. You thought I'd let you go? What a stupid little buizel. Dizziness washed over me.

Past the sand, I stumbled and half-sat, half-fell onto cushioning grass. It was soft against my aching hips. What was I going to do? The thought of escape was all that had kept my sanity intact over the last month. I knew it wasn't a trick though. That wouldn't make sense. But, somehow, I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel safer. Here I was, a free buizel, just not in the way I'd envisioned. Why couldn't I have squeezed my teeth around his soft, squishy neck until he gurgled blood and collapsed? I'd imagined it so many times, taking my revenge and walking away into freedom. Instead, he'd just thrown me away like a used condom. I choked on a sob.

The beach was serene. Water rode up on the sand in a steady, rolling tide. A pair of spearow chirped to each other somewhere far off. Behind me, a lush, deciduous tree-line hung vines and shrouded this new place that was so far away from anything I'd ever known.

I breathed in, and then out again. And then in, and then out. Each breath rattled in my chest, threatening to race away with the pounding of my heart. But I watched the waves slowly crash against the shore, long tendrils of water licking up over the sand, and my breathing began to settle. This was my new reality. I truly was a free buizel now.

Stilling myself and settling there on the beach, I forced myself to think. For the first time in months, I had time to myself to reflect and actually take in what had happened to me, and that was absolutely dreadful. But the fact of the matter was that I wasn't trapped with Anthony anymore. I had hope. I had to move forward from this. I couldn't just sit there on the beach and cry about the past. Despite being a city buizel, I knew I could move forward from this and find my own way.

I had it in me. I could learn to survive. No matter the despair and frustration that collared me, there was a determination roiling in my gut. I'd thrive, and show Anthony just how tough I could be. That fucker would wish he'd treated me well. He'd wish he'd kept training me and bringing me to gyms, kept making me proud of my progress and eager to face my next challenge. He'd wish he hadn't broken me.

Wet tears dribbled down my cheeks. I sniffled and wiped the fur to at least smear around the streaks so they wouldn't be obvious. Not that there were any other pokemon around anyway. I seemed to be the only one in sight.

I was going to fucking show him. Anthony always made me set goals for myself. Learn water gun, beat the bidoof belonging to the girl who lived near town, blah blah, take on the gym. Well, I was going to make new goals, and they'd be ones for myself. I didn't need Anthony. I would prove it.

Goal one: Survive on my own. I would find a home, figure out how to feed myself, and establish territory. I'd never had that, but that was fine. It couldn't be that hard. Before long, I'd be my own buizel. I wouldn't have to worry about where I was sleeping, or the fact that the sun was already dipping past its zenith and I was sitting here on my crooked, never-quite-healed tail doing everything I could to fake confidence for myself.

Goal two: Become strong. I didn't need Anthony to learn to fight. I could do just as well on my own. I was going to establish my own training regimen, take on all the other wild pokemon in the forest. I'd become the strongest pokemon around. I knew how to train. Although I had been paralyzed with fear and beaten badly during my first attempt at a gym, the announcer said I had potential. I had to believe that. It wasn't all for nothing. It couldn't have been.

Goal three: Make a real friend. I'd depended on Anthony too much, and look what happened. I was still capable of friendship, but it'd be different. They wouldn't use me. I'd be strong this time. I'd have control. It would be someone I didn't have to depend on, because I could only depend on myself.

Yeah. That was a good list. I held those three goals in my head, willing them to be achievable. I wanted to force them to come into place through sheer willpower, but my scant reserves of that were draining. My stomach was sinking and time was already passing me by. How cold did it get here at night? How weak would I be tomorrow after a night on the stiff ground with no food or fresh water in my belly? I was already ravenous. Anthony barely ever fed me real food.

Looking down at my trembling body, I ran the digits of my paw over my stiff, matted fur. If I focused on it, I could still smell him all over me. The odor was disgusting, but it was even worse that I barely even registered it anymore.

I revised my goals. Everything else could wait until I washed myself off.

The water beckoned me like my long-gone mother excited to wrap me in her arms and tell me everything would be okay. I knew it wouldn't be, but I wanted to hear it anyway. So, I hobbled through sand until the crashing waves licked at my feet. My heart thudded. After losing the gym battle, Anthony had never even bothered to wash me. Not for any of the months that he used me.

I rolled against the sand in shallow water and scraped and rubbed. It felt so good to finally wash. I rubbed at the mats of fur with my paws, and when they found a stuck, sticky clump that just wouldn't give, I used hand-fulls of sand and water-worn pebbles to scrub until either the clumps gave free or my fur tore away. And then often I kept rubbing until my skin was raw and blood trickled into the water. The salt stung, but it was numbing and I wanted to be numb.

I hobbled back out as a patchwork buizel. My back was spared since it had been hard to reach and I had to content myself with only rubbing it against the sand. However, my arms, legs, face, and chest all had spots that showed raw, bloody skin. My tender, crooked tail was spottier than any other part of me. Anthony had a perverse thing for it.

I couldn't find it in myself to care about the blood and lost fur. Maybe now if Anthony came back, I'd be too ugly for him and he wouldn't want me. No, he already thought I was too ugly for him. He told me that himself many times over the past month. And here I was, free. Not of my own volition, but _because_he didn't want me anymore. I trudged towards the forest, my hips aching with every step.

The forest was sparse and full of small sticks and branches that littered the ground. At points, the trees would break, and there would be a thick, dense clump of greenery fighting for the sun that looked almost impenetrable. The rocks and sticks weren't friendly to my softened paws that had only stepped on wood and fabric for a long time, but they weren't as bad as they might have been. My skin still hurt from rubbing so hard. Salt-water stung in the wounds. The pain in my paws hardly registered.

I kept near the shore, hiking parallel to the beach. I didn't want to lose my bearings by delving deep into the forest, and I hoped that maybe, somewhere along here, I'd run into a nice freshwater river that emptied into the ocean.

Everything darkened around me as I trudged forward. My glimpses of the sun were less and less frequent as it disappeared past leaves and trees. The forest grew darker. Whereas before I thought the open forest was freeing and made for an easy time scoping out a place to sleep, now it was oppressive. I could barely see trees a few yards ahead of me, and it felt like there were hungry, predatory pokemon watching me from a distance.

I wasn't going to find a den. Why'd I think I would anyway? It was a stupid idea. I had no idea what I was doing in the wild. I was a day-care buizel, owned since birth. I was going to die here, some vicious predator's helpless snack. And I wouldn't even be able to run.

My legs ached. My hips burned with every step. I struggled to keep putting one paw past another. Eventually I couldn't make it any farther. I just couldn't. I huddled up to a tree where sharp sticks poked into the patchy fur and tender skin on my side. Firm rocks wedged in the ground made it impossible to find a comfortable position. I closed my eyes and wondered if it wouldn't just be better to go back to the devil I knew than slowly starve to death out here. But he wouldn't even want me back.

I woke up sore all over with my lower back stiff and cramped. The forest was bright again. Sunlight shimmered through canopy leaves as they waved, rustling in the morning breeze. I stumbled to my two hind feet with a groan. A twisting stretch elicited a loud crack from my back that made me wonder whether I hadn't broken it. It felt better, though, and I stretched the rest of my limbs to the same satisfying effect.

"Well lookie here, ain't you just a tasty little morsel." The low-pitched voice was feminine and booming. My eyes darted frantically around the forest until they settled on a mass of rippling, muscular brown fur parting a dense bush as it approached me from the direction of the beach. A circle of dull yellow fur over her chest marked her as an ursaring.

"Hey uh, I..." I trailed off, watching her lumber slowly towards me through the forest. I was paralyzed, and the bear pokemon hadn't even attacked me yet. My legs wouldn't listen to me. "Hey, please. I'm not, I don't--" I stumbled over words, unable to articulate my pleas.

The ursaring just looked perplexed. "Huh? Ain't gonna bolt for the river or nothin'? Just gonna stand and get eaten?" I would have found her expression oddly amusing if not for the fear that clenched every nerve in my body.

"R--river?"

"Yeah, right down thataways." She gestured off into the forest in the other direction. "Now, you gotta watch yourself gettin' down. Cliff levels out a bit inland of here, but you go right for it that ways, just gonna back yourself up to a right sharp drop."

By this point, confusion began to fight back against my fear. Was she actually giving me directions? "W--why are you telling me this?"

"Honey. I like me a little chase." The ursaring licked her lips, her sharp teeth glistening in her muzzle.

At that sight, instinct took over and my legs unfroze. I bolted away on all fours, pounding through the forest in the direction the predator had pointed. My heart thudded. A splitting headache attacked me as soon as I began to move. When was the last time I had water? Or real food for that matter. Anthony had often only fed me as an afterthought.

Trees and shrubs raced past me. I heard the cracking of twigs and the rumbling growl of the ursaring hot on my tail. Why was she doing this? Was she lying when she pointed towards the river? Why'd I listen to her without even considering that? Of course she was lying. I was an idiot for listening to her. This was probably a trap. She was leading me to a dead-end where I'd spend the last few moments of my life begging and pleading.

I veered away from where she pointed, turning parallel to the ocean. She said this way was a cliff, but that meant it was safe since she was clearly lying. Only, I didn't even know if I could make it that far. My joints ached something fierce. Stones and sharp twigs stung my soft pads that weren't used to a rough forest floor. My muzzle opened into a desperate pant. I just had to ignore all of these terrible hurts and feelings. I just needed to get to the river.

"Honey this ain't the right direction! Over this way ain't nothin' but a long fall and a splatted buizel!"

I ignored her shouts. She was trying to trick me. Of course this way was the right way. She was trying to eat me! I wouldn't listen to her and let her guide me right into a patch of rosemary or thyme where I'd just season myself for her. No, I wouldn't let that happen. I was going to be strong now. I was going to fight.

Suppressing the pain in my limbs, I focused on that thought. There was no way I could take on an ursaring like her right now. But I would be able to. I was going to escape, train, and come back to take her on. She had to be the toughest thing around here. For now, at least, until I took her down a peg.

Focusing on those thoughts, everything seemed to hurt less. I had more strength to drive myself forward. I could do this. I was a capable buizel who the announcers at the gym said had potential! If I put my mind to it, I could take down any ursaring. I could already hear the rushing of water up ahead.

"Watch out!"

I scrambled, paws flailing to slow myself down as the sheer ridge in front of me appeared as if out of nowhere. The dense foliage on the other side of the ravine had made it hard to see where the forest floor had truly ended. But there it was. My heart thudded like a jackhammer. This was it, all those lofty goals for nothing. I was a weak, broken buizel and this ursaring was about to eat me.

"Aww, hell. Hey now, miss, I--"

I looked up at the approaching bear, but I couldn't focus. Everything was blurry and wobbled around. Oh. Was I about to pass out? This had happened a number of times before when Anthony used me. It all just got to be too much, the world grew fuzzy, my ears rang like I was next to a rushing river, and then everything faded into a deep blackness that crackled like static.

***

"Tell her your name!"

I groaned. The world was still fuzzy and I was just wanted to go back to sleep. But the voice repeated its words and a paw pressed into my gut. It was uncomfortable, but the ringing was fading and my vision was returning to me.

"Huh? I'm Beau," I muttered. I didn't know why this person wanted my name, but I was too out of it to argue.

"There! Her name is Beau! You can go away and leave her alone now, jerk!" His voice was clearly male now. I focused on the shapes and colors where his voice was coming from. The lines sharpened and the shapes came into focus. A growlithe.

My head turned towards the forest just in time to see the ursaring slide back into the bushes. Before she retreated entirely from sight, she looked back at me. I expected frustration or anger, but instead she just seemed worried.

"Oh, don't worry about Nasia! She's a vicious, scary ursaring, but she has a soft spot and doesn't eat anyone whose name she knows! I know this, because one time I was running from her and went the wrong way and she cornered me and I said, 'Please don't eat me! My name is Aster! I don't want to be eaten!' And she just looked at me all uncomfortable and said, 'Darn it. Names make this so personal. I don't like eating people with names.' And so she's chased me some more times but it's always only kind of been fun because she won't eat me now! Very scary, though, I'm glad I got you to tell her your name or she would have eaten you!"

My head felt as if it had split in two. I heard what Aster said, and some of it stuck, but as he rambled on, his words went in one ear and out the other. I groaned and tried to push myself up to my feet. Everything hurt.

"Hey there, Beau, let me help you out. I did this for my mom for a while when she broke her leg in a hunting trap, and I'd push up right next to her and she'd lean on me so she didn't have to put the weight down and could walk a little easier! I mean, I'm sorry, maybe you don't have anything broken. But I thought it could help. Would it help?"

I nodded. I was still feeling out of it. Everything had happened so fast, and now my body was moving on autopilot. I almost felt like I was watching myself move rather than moving of my own volition.

Aster helped me to my feet, and I leaned on him until I found an angle that made less things hurt less often. He began to walk as he talked and guided me forward along the edge of the cliff. Looking down, I saw the rushing water along brief banks that were dense with greenery. Maybe I could go for a swim later. A real swim in freshwater like I hadn't had the chance to enjoy in so long. Aster said something about taking me to his cave so I could get some rest and not have to worry about the ursaring showing up. I liked that idea. Most of his other words just faded into one another.

"You're shaking, Beau," He repeated himself. "Are you okay?" Was I shaking? I guess so. It wasn't even because of the ursaring, either. Only the day before, I'd still been in Anthony's clutches. Everything was so recent, and I couldn't seem to still myself.

"It's just muscles," I lied. "I ran a long way to get away from the ursaring. So long and so far that I collapsed because I couldn't go any farther. I-I'm shaking because of how tired I am." I didn't know why the lie just bubbled to the surface. I could have just stayed quiet. He wouldn't have thought bad of me for shaking after an ursaring attack.

"We're close to my cave! We'll get there and then you can rest and it'll all be fine," he said with supreme confidence. I smiled. Anthony had never been so optimistically happy.

He led me down a steady downhill. The faint sounds of the river grew as the cliff became less sheer and we approached its banks. I recalled the ursaring telling me to turn farther north to avoid the cliff. She hadn't been lying. What an odd person.

The cliff evened out into a traversable slope so close to the water level. After carefully stepping down it, the growlithe led me back along the banks, expertly moving along what seemed to be a well-trodden path through the thick greenery that grew in the sunlight from the break in the canopy over the river. After a few minutes, he turned us in towards a jagged opening in the rocky wall.

"This is it! This is home," he said.

He led me inside. My sore paw pads were relieved to press against smooth stone with no sharp edges, branches, pine needles, or any other forest floor detritus to stab at them. He had a cozy place, a thick bundle of tattered blankets lay pushed up against one wall alongside an old basket that held a sizable collection of berries. Next to them, I was surprised to see two worn human books in a small pile. In the center of the room lay a larger, thin blanket, the kind Anthony's mother used for picnics. Stains from berry juice and various crumbs soiled the fabric. On the opposite wall from his bundle of blankets was a nest of pine-needles and grass topped with another, cushier blanket and a number of cushions in various states of tatter.

"I uh, you can treat it as your home. I'm sorry if it's a bit... human? There's a small town a day inland and sometimes they throw out soft blankets and things and it just gets really cold in here in the winter if I've just got my fur and no one to share heat with! But make yourself at home here, I'm sure you're really hungry. And also please pee outside, if you don't then this place is going to smell really bad for weeks and it's so hard to get the smell out!"

My stomach rumbled. With his mention of food, I realized just how hungry I was. I'd been hungry before the chase thanks to Anthony's perverse ideas of what feeding me entailed. I rarely got enough sustenance from him after the gym battle. And after racing through the forest with a carnivorous ursaring on my tail, I could have eaten a wailord.

"I--thanks. Any of these berries? How many is it okay for me to eat?" I asked, cautiously approaching the basket. I looked down at the juicy, plump morsels. It took everything I had not to dive in and devour the lot of them.

"It's fine! Don't worry about it. Have as many as you need... you look a little hungry, and I can kinda see your ribs through your fur, and I can always get more, of course!" He spoke quickly and nervously, his eyes looking anywhere except into mine. "I mean, uh, the blue ones are my favorite, they're rawst berries and they're really tasty, and please have one! I hope you like them, they're really good."

Carefully, I picked up a yellow berry as if it might vanish any moment. My hunger had been so hard to deal when Anthony first snapped and began to hurt me. Now it was normal. There were a few times when he had forgotten to put me back in his pokeball. I was so sore and my fur was so disgusting, but I didn't even try to escape. I hated that I didn't. I just sneaked over to the fridge desperate for better food.

When he found me, my muzzle stuffed in coagulated leftover soup or cold half-eaten takeout boxes, he beat me and used me until I threw up all over the floor. He told me that as a pokemon, I didn't get to have human food. If I wanted it now, I could eat it back up off the ground. And if I didn't, well, I could suffer for half a week since I was a dirty little thief, so I'd better think about it hard.

I wanted to hurl the berry away from me as hard as I could. Had Anthony really fucked me up this badly? Was I incapable of eating without having waking nightmares about him? As if to prove a point to myself, I stuffed the berry into my muzzle whole and chomped down. Juice dribbled through the fur around my maw, but I didn't care. It was heavenly, sweet, tangy, and ever so slightly bitter. I gulped down the pulp and licked my chin for the juices even as I grabbed another berry from the basket.

Fur brushed up against my side. In my mind, I saw Anthony seizing my shoulder and spinning me around. Fear suffused every square inch of my body. This was a trick. I wasn't supposed to eat these, and I was caught. I yelped and dodged in the opposite direction, which happened to be toward the cave wall, even as I shoved Aster away. My shoulder stung from the impact.

The growlithe looked just as panicked as I felt. "I--I'm sorry, Beau! What's wrong? I didn't want to startle you, I just thought I'd join you and I really didn't mean to scare you. I hope--"

"You didn't scare me," I interjected. "I had a lot of siblings, and we'd jostle for food. I was just uh, sort of instinctively diving to the side when I felt someone else trying to push in. That's it. It's fine. I'm sorry." I didn't want to lie to him. He'd been nice to me. He shared his food and told me I could take as much as I wanted.

But, I couldn't handle anyone knowing just how close I was to falling apart. Maybe if I pretended to be fine, if I faked strength, I could convince myself that I really was strong. Maybe then I could start feeling normal again. If Aster believed I was a normal buizel with a few odd quirks, that would be a step towards the life that I so desperately wanted back.

I was shaking though. He didn't say anything about it, but I knew he saw. The skepticism on his face gave away how little he believed my poorly-conceived, panicked excuse anyway. So, instead of trying to hide it, I just ignored it. I staggered back over next to him and picked up the berry I dropped. I made sure that my fur was pressed up against him like it had been when I jumped away. I would be strong. I could do this. "Thanks, Aster."

"No problem, Beau."

***

For the next few days, I barely moved from the blankets. Aster slept in a separate pile. He looked forlornly at me. Canine pokemon were certainly cuddlers, but he didn't approach me and I didn't ask him to join me. He was probably still put off by my reaction when we ate. I wasn't complaining. And I definitely didn't want to test just how I'd react waking up with a male pressed against me.

Only when he wandered out of the cave did I get up. I ate a few berries, and then held myself back from eating a few more. I glanced at the human books that Aster had stacked in the corner. They were picture books, one a children's story about a little girl who became best of friends with a vulpix. The other was about a little bidoof that trained really hard and took down a tyrant garchomp. No one thought that it could do it, but it was determined and never took no for an answer.

I myself was proof that the book was a fantasy. I put everything I had into my first and only gym battle, only to learn that I just wasn't good enough. Anthony would abuse me and repeat this knowledge until it stuck ringing in my ears. Just because he was a sick fuck and a terrible excuse for a human didn't mean he was wrong. I wasn't good enough for a gym.

I thought about my goals again.

1. Survive on my own.

2. Become strong.

3. Make a real friend.

I had certainly failed at the first goal since I was completely reliant on Aster for shelter. The second one was a stupid nebulous idea that I'd come up with when delusional with newfound freedom. I wasn't strong, and I couldn't be strong. I'd never be able to train enough to come close to the powerful pokemon I dreamed of being. If a human who trained me daily for years couldn't make me strong, there was nothing I could do on my own.

The only one I was actually close to was the third, and even then I didn't have high hopes. Aster seemed like a great person and was really friendly, but he wasn't broken. Looking at his optimistic smile sometimes made me so angry. He'd never be broken. And at some point, he'd learn that all my excuses were lies. The facade I erected for myself would be torn down and he'd get angry and tell me he was sick of my shit and that I was just an incompetent leech who couldn't survive on her own. All he got from me was constant deception. Hell, I was so broken I wouldn't even innocently share heat with the warm canine when the spring here still brought harsh, chilly nights.

So, what could I even do with my goals? I stared at the wall as I considered them, but I ended up recalling a time a few days ago when Anthony had his fun finding all the different places on the cruise ship where he could sneak away to use me. I was shaking again, and I couldn't stop feeling his hands on me or the violation of my body that had been the main, unrelenting facet of my life for so long now. I shook the image out of my head, but I still felt him. I still ached in all the worst places. My eyes watered. I wiped at them so Aster wouldn't see tear stains in my cheek fur when he got back.

1. Don't give up entirely.

2. Pretend to be normal.

3. Keep Aster from realizing what a mess I am so he doesn't abandon me.

That was better. It was more realistic.

I went back to the bed and lay there, staring at the wall for far too long. I tried to blank my thoughts, but I couldn't get Anthony out of my head. I couldn't stop feeling all the things he had made me feel. Why couldn't I just lay down and rest like any normal pokemon? What had I done to deserve this? What was it about me?

"Beau, uh, want to play with me?" Aster asked just as the soft clacking of claws on stone announced his presence

My muzzle curled into a snarl. So that was that. Aster wasn't trying to help. He just wanted to get me isolated and alone, trapped here in this cave where I couldn't say no to him. I should have been more careful. Of course, I wasn't going to give up my freedom without a fight, however weak and sore I felt.

He continued just as I was about to turn and snap at him. "I was thinking that I could be a big brave arcanine who is trying to save my pups who you have trapped in a cage or something because--oh right--you can be a dastardly floatzel who wants to take over the whole forest! Well, you don't have to be the bad guy too if you don't want to, it just helps. Maybe we both could be the good guy! But I don't really have any friends to play the bad guy."

I let my breathing slow, but my heart still raced like a stampede of rapidash. This was normal. I could do this. Aster just trying to be my friend. Two adult pokemon just letting loose and having childlike fun with some make-believe. All I had to do was play along and not fuck this up. "I--okay. I can be the bad guy."

His whole face lit up with delight. His tail whipped back and forth. "Awesome! I'm so glad I met you. You're really cool, Beau! Normally I play this on my own and it's not very much fun without anyone to be the bad guy. The box with the berries is the cage that my pups are being kept in! It's being lowered slowly towards a big vat of acid! And that wall back there is where you have all the controls for your scary machine that takes over the forest! I'm trying to destroy it but I don't know if I can get there in time and..." his eyes narrowed and he dropped his pitch to an exaggerated solemnity, "I don't know that I can get both in time! Not when I have to get past you first!"

I slowly pulled myself back out of the bed. I tried to smile at Aster, but I was so tired, and my legs felt like molasses. Maybe this would help, though. "Alright," I said as I stood in the middle of the room. "You're not going to stop me, uh... are you still Aster?"

"Yes!" he said. "I'm the heroic arcanine Aster, here to save the forest and my pups!"

"Well, uh, you won't get past me, Aster. You've got to choose, pups or the forest! You can't save both."

He looked at the ground with drama in his eyes. He lifted his head and let loose a muted play-howl. "I can save them both! I'm going to get past you, evil mastermind floatzel Beau! Just you watch!"

The growlithe darted forward, his eyes serious, but his tail flapping back and forth. I was going to try and gently tackle him to the ground where we could wrestle a bit, but everything was starting to slow down. When I turned my head, everything took a second to catch up, and that rattled me. I planted my paws on the ground to combat the dizzyness. My ears rang like a beedrill was buzzing next to me. I swallowed a terrible lump in my throat. This was just like what happened at the gym. What happened to me so many times as Anthony grabbed ahold of me.

I could barely see Aster moving towards me. He was just a fuzzy blur on static like the old TV that Antony's mom used to have. My whole body trembled and I hated how weak that made me feel. I couldn't tackle Aster. I couldn't play. I couldn't fight if I needed to fight. I was useless.

My whole body was clammy, but it felt like it was a hundred degrees out. I wanted to lay down and stretch out to feel a bit cooler, but it was so hard to move. Cold stone tingled on my side, though, so I wasn't standing up anymore.

"Beau?" Aster's voice sounded so far away, a tiny little worried note drowned out by the buzzing. But that buzzing was receding and I was beginning to make shapes out of the static once more.

"Oh Arceus, oh Arceus. Beau! I'm sorry, I don't know what to do. My mom would know what to do, but I don't. I don't know anyone that could help. Oh Arceus! I'm sorry. Are you okay? Please be okay." As I came back to the world, Aster's words started to register to me. What happened? How long had I been out? When I'd blacked out in the gym, I had then woken up dizzy and disoriented back in Antony's house to an even worse nightmare. This time, I just felt the frantic, wet lapping of a tongue on my cheek and forehead.

"I'm fine... I think," I said, but my voice came out a lot weaker than I wanted it to be. "Did you save the pups?"

"And the forest!" He said with a mighty wag. "Does that mean you're okay then? If you're asking that? I mean, you don't really look like you want to play right now, but if you want to play then I want to play, so we totally could!"

"I'm good." I offered him a weak smile. "Maybe another day."

"Alright," he said. "What happened though? That was really scary. I was so worried about you. You were just laying there on the floor breathing so hard for such a long time and I got really afraid and didn't know what to do!" He looked sagely up at the roof of the cave. His tail swept the ground. "It's hard being an adult. When I was a cub, I thought adults knew everything, and now I don't know how they did, because I don't know anything about how to help with this stuff."

A chuckle escaped my muzzle. "It really is hard. I--I was raised by humans all my life. It was good for a while, but, well, my last owner was pretty awful. I deserved it a bit, but whatever. He abandoned me here two days ago. I don't know anything about surviving in the wild. You've got a serious leg up on me there."

"Oh, well living out here really isn't too bad, Beau! You'll get the hang of it in no time. You're really cool and smart and it's not that bad out here! There aren't really any predators or anything."

I faked a smile for his compliment, but my gut twisted. I was anything but smart. If I was smart, I never would have let all that awful stuff happen to me. I would have beaten the gym. "What about the ursaring, though?"

"Oh! Her. Well, you know, I'm lucky I learned the trick to tell her my name because she doesn't eat people with names! So I guess there are predators out here, I just don't have to worry. But I tell her my name every time I see her again just in case. It could be a different one! Other pokemon give me weird looks when I tell them the trick, but it's for their safety. I think it's my duty to let as many people know as I can! I'll save so many pokemon that might have been eaten!"

A smile stretched against my cheeks. "That's really good of you, Aster."

"Thanks!" he said. His tail swiped back and forth in a flurry from my compliment. "Hey, maybe tomorrow I can show you around the forest here."

"I'd like that," I said. Despite everything that had just happened to me, despite the dizziness, I felt happy. I hadn't been happy in a long time.

***

Aster led me to all of his favorite places in his vicinity of the forest. He showed me where the fishing was good, a spot with four different types of berry trees in easy reach, and a section of the river full of large rocks that he liked to hop over trying to keep his paws from getting wet. Afterwards, with his tail wagging itself up into a fury, he led me north until the forest thinned.

"Ok! Now, uh, this is a little weird maybe. I know you had trainers and all that. But well, let me show you!" the growlithe said.

Through a last line of brush, the trees broke away into a pleasant meadow. A small, far-away town of short wooden buildings scattered around a central gravel road that curved past the forest and off into the distance. A chill went down my spine. We were going there? To the human place? Maybe this would be good. It would help me to put Anthony behind me. But when another wave of icy cold froze my veins and sent my heart skipping, I knew it was a terrible idea.

I opened my muzzle to tell Aster that we should turn around, but before I could speak, I heard voices from my right. Human voices.

"Look, Mary! Right there. A growlithe and a buizel. What a funny pair. I wonder what's brought the buizel so far away from any river?"

I whipped around to stare at two humans standing at about a dozen paces away from us and creeping closer. They were clearly researchers. Anthony had worked with researchers before, letting some measure my limbs at different stages of my training. These few didn't seem as organized or medical as the ones I'd encountered in the past. They didn't wear the strange white coats, but they had similar notebooks and mechanical devices in their hands. They chittered to each other excitedly in their strange human voices as they crept steadily closer to us.

Dread constricted my gut. I felt frozen. "Aster," I muttered. "I don't know about this."

"These aren't the humans I wanted you to meet, but they look really nice and I think they want to pet me!" Aster said, his excitement palpable in his wagging tail. "We should say hi, Beau!"

"The growlithe is quite friendly. Is it maybe the one that Daniel was telling us about? I think the buizel is agitated, though. Look at how its tail is flicking like that--huh! Notice how the tip is crooked. It doesn't move right with the rest of the tail. It must have been broken," the human to the right drolled on. I couldn't focus on his words, though. Everything about this felt so wrong.

"Please back up, Aster. I don't think I want to meet them. Please. I don't like this," I said quietly.

Aster looked back at me. "Don't worry, Beau! They look very friendly! The people in town here are really nice." He'd stepped forward and now everything was suddenly way too close. Aster was in front of me, but the humans were barely four paces away. When did they get so close?

The female human spoke this time. "Maybe the buizel broke its tail in a fight, and little Daniel's friend here helped it out, causing them to bond enough that the buizel felt comfortable wandering from the safe harbor of its river habitat. Oh hello, little fellow!"

Aster pressed forward towards her feet. She reached down and panic surged through my body. I leaped forward. Everything was a blur, my heart pounded like a drum. I saw Anthony reaching down to grab my new friend by the scruff, but I twisted and sank my teeth into his wrist. My jaws clenched and I whipped my head back and forth as if I were finishing off a caught fish. Coppery blood ran freely into my mouth.

The male human screamed. The female tried to pull her hand away, but my teeth were locked in tight. Hands grabbed at me and that just made me lock in tighter. My insides were twisted with fear and anxiety. "I think it's rabid! I think it's rabid!"

"Beau! Please!" Aster's voice was frantic. His nose kept bumping into my side.

What was happening to me? I knew I shouldn't be doing this. I knew that these humans weren't planning to hurt me. But what if they were? whispered that same voice that pushed me to attack. What if they were going to capture you, strap you to a table, and condemn you to more months of abuse even after Anthony threw you away?

I shuddered, shook my head, and clenched harder. The woman's screams intensified as I felt the bone crunch in my muzzle. The male human tried to kick me, but the impact barely hurt and it elicited another scream from the woman.

Aster's warm tongue lapped frantically at my cheek. "Please, Beau! Please stop! Why are you doing this? Please don't hurt them."

Something broke in me. My jaw slackened and the injured human took that chance to wrench her arm free of my bloodstained muzzle. "Call an ambulance. Please. Oh Arceus. Oh Arceus!" After looking at me in terror, she bolted the other way, cradling her mangled arm. The male hurried after her as he frantically dug through the knapsack that hung from his shoulder.

Soon, it was quiet. Aster kept licking my face.

When I sat down, the adrenaline fled from my body, stealing with it every ounce of strength and composure I had. All of a sudden, the blood in my mouth tasted like the vilest thing I'd ever eaten. I spat onto the grass over and over, trying to clear away the taste. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I almost welcomed their saltiness seeping into my muzzle to drown out the blood.

"Why did you hurt the humans?" Aster whined. His tail was nestled all the way between his rear legs. "They only wanted to pet me. That was really scary, Beau. And her hand looks really hurt. She thought you were rabid. You're not rabid, though!"

I wanted to tell him that no, the humans didn't just want to pet him. They wanted to take him into their captivity, lure him into a false sense of security, and then use him and abuse him over and over again until they got bored and threw him out. That's what humans were. I knew firsthand how humans acted when they finally showed their true colors.

However, instead, I just stayed quiet and kept crying. I felt weak. I'd promised myself that I wouldn't let Aster see me as a mess like this. He was going to abandon me, and then I'd have nothing again.

"Please don't leave me," I choked out.

He stilled, and then tilted his head at me. His voice was soft, a little scared. "Leave you? I--I wasn't planning on going anywhere." He lay down on the grass and curled up with the warm fur of his back pressed to my side. "Are you okay, Beau? I'm a little scared, I mean, that was definitely really scary. But I know you're a nice person, and I can wait here with you until you're okay. Then we can go back home. And..." He sheepishly looked at his paws. "I didn't stop when you-you told me to stop. You said you weren't comfortable. But I didn't listen. I-I'm sorry."

I pressed against him. He hesitantly pushed back towards me. He unfurled himself, and then repositioned to lay his head on my hind leg. A few days ago, when I'd first met him, I would have shoved him away and not let him even touch me. Now, it was comforting.

"I... want to go back. I don't want to be right here anymore," I said, sniffling.

"Ok," he said with a smile, then he hesitated and continued shyly, "But I want to take you somewhere else first. It's not very far out of the way. Maybe... maybe it can help you. It's always helped me."

I just wanted to be back in the cave. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, but Aster had been so nice, and he was way more than I deserved. So I just nodded.

He led me back through the forest on a long hike that took us past the river and to a second stream with a similar, larger ravine that the water cut through the forest. Pidgeys chirped in the trees. The rushing of water soothed me. The knot in my stomach started to unravel. Aster continued to provide his full, nonstop commentary on the scenery as we traveled up along the ridge of the ravine towards the beach. I half-listened to him, but mostly I just let the sound of his voice lull me and distract me from my troubles.

He guided me through a thick wall of bushes into a small, clear bluff nestled at the edge of the ravine before a sharp drop-off to the beach and the sea below. It was a really pretty sight. The late evening sun sparkled as it hit the deep blue ocean water. The crash of the low waterfall nearby drummed in my ears. The sand stretched out before me, and I even spotted two krabby sparring with their pincers far off in the distance.

"This is my quiet place," Aster said solemnly. "I come here when I'm thinking about my family too much and I feel sad. Or if I just want to think, but I can't in my den because it feels like all the stone walls are pressing in on me. It becomes so heavy. So I come here." Hesitantly, he nuzzled his cheek against my own. My stomach clenched. I expected another violent, visceral reaction. None came, though. It felt nice.

"Thanks for showing this to me," I said. I looked down onto the beach and tried to let the serenity of the scene wash everything away. It didn't work. I couldn't forget the horror in the female's eyes as my teeth sunk in, nor the sound as her bone crunched under my teeth. It was horrifying. I knew she wasn't Anthony, and she hadn't deserved that like he did. Humans were awful, but that didn't mean they all were deserving of what I did to her. And there was no reason it should have been so damn satisfying.

I shuddered. Bile rose to my throat, but I swallowed it back down. Anything would be a better train of thought. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself.

My forepaw stroked Aster's head and I tried to think of anything that could take my mind off of what I had just done. "Aster?" I asked. "What do you come here to think about?"

He looked up at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen on a canine, even in the sad Pokemon dramas Anthony's sister always liked. After a moment of hesitation, he nuzzled harder against me. "When I was still a cub, a forest fire destroyed my home. Now, yeah Beau, we're fire types. It's really really tough to burn us. But that doesn't stop fire from collapsing a den and getting pokemon stuck in the dirt where they can't breathe and smoke is in their eyes and they're suffocating and," he sputtered, struggling to finish his sentence.

"I'm sorry, Aster," I said quietly.

"Everyone died. My mom and my dad and both of my older sisters. I was outside trying to prove to Jodie that I could hunt--she's my older sister... she was my older sister--but then when I came back, and I hadn't even caught anything, the whole forest was on fire. I couldn't see past any single tree in any direction. The smoke was so thick. I couldn't tell where I was, because everything around me looked different. I ran through the forest and it was so hard to breathe. It felt like forever in there. And when I finally found my den, there was just a bump down in the ground where the main entrance should have been. The other side was the same way. I dug for so long, Beau. I tried. I tried so hard. I kept digging even after the fire was gone. I thought I heard a voice down there, someone should have made it. My mommy dug the whole den. Why couldn't she dig out? I don't understand. I just kept digging until I found them, and I found them, and," Aster sniffled. Tears dribbled from his eyes and clumped the beige fur on his cheeks. "I found them all. No one else got out."

I hugged him close. There was a wet spot in the crook of my neck where his cheek pressed against me and his tears dampened my own fur. "I... I'm sorry Aster. I, you always seem so happy. I didn't think--" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say, so I let my words just hang in the air.

"It's okay," he said, sniffling. "It was a long time ago. I had to learn really quick after that to survive and be an adult and learn how to actually hunt and do all those things. But sometimes, sometimes all I want is to curl up against my mommy and daddy and my sisters and I feel a massive hole in my chest, and so I come up here and look out from my spot. That helps the hole feel smaller. And then I can go back and finish hunting or finish my bedding or get myself ready for winter."

I sat in contemplation of his words for a long time. The silence stretched between us, but it was comfortable. His fur was so soft against my own. Finally, with a meek voice, I asked, "A-at first... did the hole not go away at all? It felt like it'd never be any better?" My stomach clenched, and I begged every legendary pokemon I knew for him not to question me about why I asked that.

Aster shook his head. "It didn't. I wondered if it ever would. I thought it was my fault. I thought I'd be too weak to survive. I was still a child, too. I was so hard on myself for so long. Every single day, every single minute hurt."

I squeezed him closer and breathed, "And it gets better?"

"Yeah."

***

Aster curled up with me when I slept that night. I didn't mind. I liked having him close. He'd gone from a strange male whose touch incited the same terrible dread that Anthony's did to a security blanket of pure fuzzy optimism that I could count on whenever I needed to be cheered up. I breathed so much easier with his fluffy tail clutched to my chest and his warm fire-type body curled up around my back. I still didn't sleep well. I woke Aster up a half dozen times the first night he slept cuddled up to me. A few of those were when I violently shoved him away. But he was too good for me. He said, "sorry," like it was his fault. And then he wrapped himself back around me and shut his eyes again.

Over the next week, Aster failed to teach me how to hunt, but I began to figure out for myself how to fish. Although I was useless at tracking down small mindless prey on land, I had a revelation when I realized that I could use my water gun to alter the currents in the river to cut off or confuse fleeing fish. When my teeth first cut through the scales of a wild feebas and I dragged it back into the cave, I felt like a real, wild buizel for the first time.

Aster continued giving his grand tour of the forest, showing me all his favorite spots in the woods. There was a really cool rock formation that he liked to jump around on. I had fun playing there with him for a while. He showed me a spot on the beach where the waves sometimes filled a natural divet and left a still pool of water. Although he generally didn't like getting wet, he splashed around with me in the still water while I swam circles around him and teased him from underneath.

We ran across humans once more around a week after our first encounter. We were walking towards his quiet place to relax and eat our lunch when we heard a rustle in the bushes far off. Chattering in the all-too-distinct human language reached my ears and froze me in place. My head snapped over to its source, and I caught a glance of the clearly recognizable male researcher as well as another human who I didn't recognize. This one was wearing forest gear and holding a strange device in its hand. They whispered something, and I caught a whiff of mightyena. I decided for Aster that we would have a much nicer lunch back in the cave. So, we rushed back the way we came. I swam down the river to the cave, paranoid about leaving a scent trail.

I was on edge for the next hour, breathing hard. My whole body was tense, ready to leap into action if someone showed up at the cave. No one did, though, so after a while I relaxed again. Aster stayed right next to me. His constant chattering was surprisingly helpful for easing my nerves. He held himself against me, his warm fur soft against my side.

That evening, when he wrapped around me to sleep, I felt his heart nearly pounding out of his chest. He shifted a few times in the way he did when he was about to talk, but then he just pressed right back against me with his heart continuing to rapidly thump against my back. A smile stretched my muzzle when I wondered how there could be anything Aster would ever have a hard time saying.

Playfully, I shifted to dig my shoulder into his side. "C'mon, spit it out."

Immediately, the canine sputtered out, "I--I think you're really awesome, Beau. You're kind and pretty and helpful and you never looked down on me and you listen to me and all that stuff. Would you uh, would you mate with me?"

All the warmth that had seeped through me from the fire type curled around my back vanished into a frigid chill. Trembles rattled my body. I wanted to scream out,No! Of course not! Don't be fucking disgusting! Because he was my friend now and I felt so safe around him for the first time in so long, and now I was trapped and helpless again.

Would he still like me if I said no? Though some part deep inside of myself told me that he'd hate me and either use me anyway or abandon me out of the cave to fend for myself, I knew that he absolutely would. That's who Aster was. He'd been so nervous asking, so uncharacteristically reticent. Maybe he was already bracing himself for me to say no. He probably was. His paws around me were so tense.

My muzzle opened to say no when I remembered the new goals that I'd set for myself. The second one in particular. Pretend to be normal. I probably would have said yes to Aster if it weren't for the horror show that I'd lived through with my trainer. My gut twisted even tighter. Did Anthony ruin me? Would I never want to have sex? I'd been a virgin before he raped me. I'd never had an actual lover.

I liked Aster a lot. I felt like I could love him.

That is, if I weren't a terrible, lying, two-faced, broken wreck of a buizel. Tears clouded my vision, and I blinked them away. My nose started to clog, but I didn't sniffle because I didn't want Aster to hear. You can do this, I told myself over and over. You can act normal. Pretend none of this ever happened. My trembling didn't stop.

"Beau, are you okay?" Aster asked quietly.

I could be a normal buizel. For Aster's sake, so he didn't ever see through me and realize that he was wrong and that I wasn't pretty; my ribs were still visible, my fur was still a patchy mess from when I washed away Anthony's fluids, and my tail would never heal right. I wasn't helpful. I wasn't kind. I was a worthless wretch, thrown away by my rapist, putting on a thin veneer of normalcy. But I could pretend.

"I... yeah," I choked out. "I'd like that."

"Really?" he asked, and I could hear an edge of shock in his voice. His chest against my back, I felt the pounding of his heart picking up speed. "I... you're so wonderful, Beau. I um, I really really like you."

The growlithe was already shuffling himself down along my back. As he moved past the point where he could have mounted me, I didn't quite understand. But then his forepaw gently curled my tail out of the way, and the fire-type's warm breath heated my crotch. As if his breath were spreading up through my body, a tingling warmth surged inside me.

Then, the warm wetness of his tongue slid along my folds. I shuddered. Despite approaching this with complete and utter dread, his tongue felt really nice. I barely had to ignore the feeling of his paw spreading open my folds--which Anthony had cruelly done on many occasions to torment me--so that I could focus on the feeling of his soft tongue dragging along the inside of my pussy. And _that_felt good.

A moan caught in my muzzle as I bit my tongue. "That's... that feels so nice, Aster," I said with a husky sigh. Shifting, I strained my tail out of the way as if that'd somehow help the growlithe with his access. The twin propellers on the end fluttered and buzzed involuntarily as pleasure wracked my body. His soft tongue slid around the inside of my pussy, flicking over my clit and slithering around my entrance. Every movement was heaven.

The pleasure built up inside of me. There was a depth to it that I hadn't felt for a long time, not since my long breaks masturbating in the bathroom after a training session with Anthony while he lounged on the couch watching TV. He'd never bothered with my pleasure when he was using me, of course. I shook and shut out that memory. I didn't need to think about that. I had expected to feel nothing but Anthony's rough hands gripping me painfully tight and holding me down. Instead it was just Aster, his wonderful tongue, and all of the care and affection that he communicated through it.

As Aster's paw held my pussy open for him and his tongue worked his magic, I just lay there on my side, thighs locked tight together, my forepaws hugging against my chest. I never thought I could feel secure again during sex, but this was close. There were no groping hands, no callous use of me nor barked threats. Just pleasure that jolted through me with each heavenly swipe of the growlithe's tongue.

My muscles clenched around nothing, my body aching to feel something inside me. His tongue slipped right down, slicked into my passage, and I squeezed tight and shuddered. That second of relief carried me through the next minute as he swirled his tongue around my pussy and suckled my clit. My pleasure heightened, flooding my nerves with heat and bliss. I could feel an orgasm deep within me, begging to bubble up to the surface and take hold. Aster repeated his motions, and that sense only grew stronger and stronger.

He just kept going. His tongue lathered over my folds. I could barely feel his individual motions anymore. It was all a jumble of pleasure that pulsed extra strong with each movement he made. I just wanted to stay in that moment forever. Still on my side, I arched my back and moaned. Aster must have heard the noise and it must have encouraged him, because he redoubled his efforts. His tongue dug deep inside me, then flicked over my clit, then deep into me again. Then, his attentions went right back to my clit, back and forth, my body flooding with pleasure.

"Fuck," I sighed. "That's... oh Arceus--right there. That feels so good." I clenched so tight and my whole body tremlbed in anticipation. I could feel my peak, so close. My muscles held taut. My back arched so far I thought it might break. And then, it hit me. The pleasure exploded in a white-hot rush. Waves of orgasmic bliss washed over me as I squeaked and squirmed and moaned and shook. My tail buzzed into as good of a spin as it could get with its broken tip. I heaved for breath.

"Oh, Aster..." My moaned words echoed softly in the cave. I never wanted that feeling to end. He kept licking and fueled each subsequent wash of sensation, but I could feel the orgasm dimming. "You were wonderful," I said softly. "That was so incredible."

His tongue stopped. The air chilled my pussy slightly where his tongue had just been. He asked in a quiet, awkward voice, "I um, you finished? Did I do a good job?"

I had to crack a smile, "I finished. You did a wonderful job. Now--" My voice cracked, but I kept my resolve. "Cuddle around me again. I--I want to feel you inside me." My mouth felt dry as the growlithe repositioned himself. I nervously glanced down as he did so, taking in the sight of his thick, erect canine cock. It was firm and red, tapered near the almost-flat tip and bulging ever so slightly near his base. It was so different from Anthony's. Maybe that was for the best. I shivered and looked away.

I kept my tail raised despite the steadily rising panic telling me to cover myself and run like hell away from this danger. Of course, I didn't. I told Aster we could mate. He was so excited. He'd already put so much enthusiasm into making me feel good, and I wanted him to feel good too. Maybe mating with him would even be nice. My only experience with having a male inside me was Anthony, and that had never been anything but pain, discomfort, and degradation.

The canine's length poked and prodded at my rear. "You're so awesome, Beau," Aster said huskily. "I--I've really liked you and thought you were super pretty and sweet and everything for kind of a while now but, well, uh, I was really worried you might not feel the same about me."

"I do," I muttered. I couldn't speak too loud or I knew my voice would crack. My words weren't even a lie. I did like Aster a lot. But no one would take it slow and wait for me if they knew how broken I had been for anything resembling sex. Aster didn't deserve that. He didn't deserved someone far more put together than me. All I could do was pretend and hope he didn't find out before I managed to pick up at least some of the shattered pieces of myself.

His tip caught purchase along my folds, and he ground against them. I felt him shiver even as I began to tremble in apprehension. A soft, whining moan slowly left his muzzle. He licked my shoulder as he his thrusts spread me but didn't penetrate inside. Was it supposed to feel good yet? I felt a faint tingle down there, but it was overshadowed by the tight feeling in my chest, as if my insides had all twisted around each other and gotten themselves jumbled.

After he repositioned slightly down my back, the tip of Aster's canine cock pressed inside of me. It was a smaller than Anthony's, but warmer. It went in easier, too. Anthony never bothered to warm me up. He liked to go in dry. He told me it was because I felt tighter then, but I think it's just because he wanted to hear my screaming. A sob bubbled up my throat, but I choked it down. Aster was sliding in easily. I was all warmed up for him.

He moaned louder this time, nuzzling his soft muzzle against my back as his hips bucked and he began to thrust inside of me. "Is--is this good? Do you need me to slow down at all? Am I going to fast?" he asked, his words cut by a barely-suppressed moan.

I was still shaking, but I was fairly certain he thought it was from pleasure, like I had been when I had tensed up so tightly before my orgasm. Not because I could hear Anthony telling me I was his little trashy cum-dump and that I should be proud to let him rape me because I was useless in pokemon fights and an overall waste of space when I wasn't being a cock-warmer for him. I had hated him so much. I had been so furious, with plans to escape and to prove to myself that I could be useful.

I faked a soft moan for Aster's sake as he continued to fill me. He seemed so worried about how slow to take it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that for the past few months I'd dealt with someone larger than him hilting into me completely dry.

I squeezed my muscles around him and pressed back at his body, hoping maybe I could help him get off faster. There were dull throbs of mild pleasure that echoed up from his thrusts. But they were nothing next to the horrible grip of horror and disgust that wrenched my gut. Why couldn't it just feel good like when he licked me? That had been so hot. Aster was hot. But right now I felt more discomfort and anxiety than any kind of pleasure.

Bile rose in my throat, but I swallowed it down. Anthony hated it when I threw up, and he always had some sort of disgusting punishment for me when I did so. Would he force me to drink another container of rapidash cum made for artificial insemination that he'd ordered off the internet?

My shaking grew more violent. Aster thrust harder. His hot breath condensed on the fur near my shoulder as he nuzzled into it, panting. Every few seconds, his sloppy tongue dragged against the grain of my fur in a messy canine kiss. Merciful Mespirit, he was so great. The kisses made my heart jump, even as it felt like my heart was constricted by vines and dragged down towards the pit of my stomach.

"I--I'm close," the growlithe gasped. His thick canine knot slapped against the soft skin of my pussy. I'd seen knots before when I'd sneaked onto the internet. Before Anthony, I'd even found them really hot. But now, the thought of him tying me just flooded me with cold dread. My muzzle opened to offer him some reassuring words, but nothing came out. I quickly shut it again when I felt another sob surface from inside me. Tears clouded my eyes and began to dribble down my cheeks as I fought to hold it back.

The growlithe groaned and grunted behind me as his shaft retreated and then speared me over and over. Sweet Arceus, he felt big. I faked a gurgling moan as a sob that I just couldn't manage to hold back surfaced. I just wanted him to finish. Him licking me had been fun. But now I couldn't get Anthony out of my head. His strong arms pinning me down as he molested me. His thick shaft painfully ramming inside of me over and over even as I cried pitifully and pleaded with him. His hot cum gushing inside of me in thick pulses until he called me back into my pokeball so that next time he brought me out I'd have a rush of his semen pouring out of me.

I shook violently. Aster moaned. One moment he was inside of me, the next there was nothing. It ached a little bit. There was a tiny part of me that missed him there right after that sudden emptiness. But the way my anxiety retreated more than pushed that from my mind. Small globs of wetness stuck into the fur of my back. I was confused for a moment, wondering why he hadn't finished inside of me--Anthony always liked to--but then I felt stupid as I remembered that Aster was not only a pokemon, but one that shared my egg groups. He didn't want to do anything I wasn't ready for. But I wasn't ready for any of this.

I shivered and turned around, lowering myself until my nose was right in front of the tip of his throbbing cock, cum still drooling out. It twitched, and a small rope of it arced down along my muzzle. His musk was strong and reeked of our sex, but it had faint notes of cinnamon and pine trees. I hesitantly wrapped my lips around him like Anthony often made me do. If I wasn't in my pokeball and didn't drop down to clean him off, that meant he got to justify another of his cruel punishments.

I almost liked Aster's flavor. It wasn't harsh or acrid like Anthony's, as my trainer had stopped washing down there just for the sake of tormenting me. Instead, over top of the salty bitterness, Aster's cum and musk had a bit of a tangy sweetness, as well as the spicy cinnamon and pine notes that were shared with his smell. I suckled on his shaft, diving down to wrap my tongue around him, cleaning down to his engorged knot. He'd never knotted me, a fact which filled me with a moment of weakness. I choked a sob down on his cock and my tears continued to wet my cheeks. Aster was a bit dense sometimes, but he was a thoughtful growlithe.

"Are you--uh, Beau..." Aster said worriedly, "are you crying?"

I couldn't help but sniffle and pull off of his cock as a sob wracked me to the core. I curled away from him, the taste of his cum and his cock still strong in my muzzle. I curled up so that he couldn't see the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Hey... hey, Beau. It's um, did I do something wrong? Did I go too far? I'm sorry. I--I thought you were enjoying it and-and..." The growlithe nuzzled against my back, smearing some of the cum he'd launched into my fur. "I don't want to mess this up. I'm so sorry, Beau! I shouldn't've done this. I like you a lot and... and I don't want you to hate me! I'm sorry."

I couldn't deal with him right then. His words battered against my skull. They were so loud and raucous and struck me with a splitting headache. I just needed quiet. I needed to be alone. I scurried to my feet, trying not to look at Aster. Cold air chilled the parts of my fur that had been cuddled up to him. After two tentative steps towards the entrance of his cave and a tear-stricken glance behind at the confused and worried growlithe, I ran.

***

I was ten minutes gone from Aster's den, wet from a dive into the ravine to wash off the cum stuck to my fur, when howling echoed out in the distance behind me. "It's her! I smell her! The rabid buizel! This way!"

My heart nearly leapt from my chest. My first instinct was to go back to Aster. His cave was safe. He knew this forest like the back of his paw. He'd help me. I would have gone right back to him, guilty for running off without a word. Yet, when the next flurry of howls sounded in the night sky, I realized they were in the same direction, back towards Aster.

My paws thudded against the ground. I winced at every snapped twig and crushed leaf. Those pokemon were going to track me down. The humans were going to take me. Would they be able to link me back to Anthony? Would they give me back to him if they did? Even if they didn't, they were humans. How many of them would be like my former master and take the opportunity that a scared, vulnerable buizel presented to them? I didn't want to find out

I was already winded from racing away from Aster so quickly. There had been catharsis in just letting go and running as fast as I could through the cool night air, so I hadn't held back and conserved my energy. Now I felt the consequences of my recklessness.

Every few minutes that my chest heaved as I raced forward across the uneven forest floor. My joints ached, my paws burned. In the still quiet of the night I would think they may have lost my trail. Maybe they gave up. Maybe they started sniffing in the direction of a different buizel. But then another howl would pierce the night air, and it was always closer than before. There was another ravine ahead, though, the one with Aster's quiet place. I didn't know much about tracking--I certainly didn't have the nose of a canine--but I hoped that maybe I could lose their scent in the water.

It was like one of the horror movies I used to watch with Anthony's family back before I failed him and he started treating me like the worthless buizel I was. A flash of light silhouetted the monsters. Another flash and this time it was closer. The howling chilled ice into my bones and kept me racing blindly forward. A burning pain flared up in my lungs with each heaving breath I took. Buizels weren't built for running. We weren't fast. We didn't have the right kind of endurance. My paws hurt. My eyes blurred with tears. And the canines tracking me were getting closer and closer.

I could hear their growling and yapping now. "This way! This way! I smell her! I've got her! She's close!" On and on in a frenzy. Two voices back and forth that terrified me down to my bones. I felt like my legs were going to give out. I was half tempted to just stop, lay down on the leaves and twigs in the forest floor and let them have me. But my growlithe friend flashed through my mind. I couldn't just leave him like this. I couldn't disappear without talking to him again, without explaining myself. He deserved to know who I was, how fucked up I was.

Then, the second ravine was in front of me. The river where Aster said the ursaring lived, where his quiet place was. I stared down at the steep cliff edge and a wave of vertigo crashed over me. I slowed down for just a second, my stomach flipping in my chest. I thought I'd gone farther north. I thought that the ravine had leveled out to the river here.

This was it. I was cornered. I chanced a look behind me. The shadows of two canine pokemon were right on my tail. In the ominous flickering shadows, I could make out the features of an absol's crescent horn as well as another canine right on it's flank with less discernible features.

I looked back towards the ravine and sped up. Then, heart about to burst from my chest, as the ledge quickly approached my pattering paws, I threw myself right over.

I hurled into the night air, suffused with abject terror and a moment of strange exultation. My eyes were locked on the rushing water below. I tried to angle myself to adjust my fall, but it wasn't working. I was headed straight for a rocky ledge on the cliff. And with a drop of maybe sixty feet down to the ravine, I had no illusions about just how the impact would shatter my small body.

Everything happened so fast. One moment I was desperately contorting myself to angle towards the water. The next, the rocks were right in front of me. I opened my muzzle, and a powerful burst of water shot out in a torrent. It splashed against the rocks, and the sudden pressure back upwards rattled right through me even as it slowed me slightly and altered the angle of my fall.

The water hit my shoulder first, and a blistering jolt of pain crashed through me. My vision faded for a moment. My ears rang. Everything went numb. I felt suspended in one, terrifying moment. But, in the following seconds, the sounds of rushing water deafened me, roiling whitewater churned in front of my eyes blocking out everything, and searing agony tore through my body. I would have yowled if my muzzle hadn't opened to a gurgle of water. Instead, I whirled my crooked propeller tail, launching me downstream through the river.

The water around me roiled and crashed as I descended towards the ocean. That was to be expected. There was a waterfall near Aster's quiet place, after all. The ravine lowered to nearly meet the water--only some twenty feet above it--and then the water abruptly dropped off to the beach far below.

I heaved myself out of the water a good few yards behind the waterfall itself. I would have enjoyed the afterglow of a brisk swim, but my shoulder throbbed with pain. I glanced back upriver, where I still heard howling off in the distance. They'd pick up my trail again soon. That was for sure.

In the fading light of the evening, I noticed something I hadn't ever seen from my view in Aster's quiet place. A rickety rope-ladder hung down from jutting rocks above, themselves just below the bluff. Hesitantly, I limped over to it and tugged on it. It felt surprisingly secure. Running my paw over the rope, it felt almost plastic, clearly built to be durable.

My curiosity didn't often get the best of me, despite my stereotype as a buizel, but there was still adrenaline pumping through my body, and I felt like I had to do something. I set my good forepaw as far up on the ladder as I could reach and my hindpaws on the bottom rung. It held and barely even creaked.

A smile broke out on my muzzle. Aster was going to love this. Of course, he likely wouldn't be able to climb it with his strictly quadruped body, but he'd still love the idea of it. Maybe we could take guesses on just who used to frequent his quiet place before he did. What kind of person dropped a rope ladder down to the ravine? My kind of person, surely. One who enjoyed quiet time and a nice swim.

After yanking the ladder again just to assuage my worries, I stepped my bottom paws up and reached out to hold a rung in my teeth for a moment before grasping the next rung up with my good paw. I panted. This wasn't going to be easy with my shoulder. But I didn't want to be here when the canines swept up and down the river. I didn't want to chance attempting to swim past them. I'd seen Absol fight before, and they could hurt even from a distance. And I--I was clearly a failure of a fighter.

It was slow-going, but I managed to inch my way up to the top of the ladder. I heaved myself over the top onto a flat rock. Here, the ends of the ladder were pounded deep into the stone itself and sealed inside with some kind of metallic-looking adhesive. After a moment of consideration, I tugged the rope ladder up onto the stone rung by rung, alternating between my teeth and my good paw. My jaw was starting to get sore, but I didn't want to leave any indication of where I'd escaped to. After that, it wasn't hard to find the hidden trail of rocks that jutted out from the cliffside and led up to the pleasant bluff.

I collapsed at the top, panting as I lay down onto the cool grass. My head turned to look out over the vast waters of the ocean lapping at the sand of the wide beach, extended as far as I could see in either direction. This is what I needed when I ran from Aster. I'd go back to him soon. I just needed some peace, somewhere that I could think.

The leaves rustled around the usual brush-filled path to the bluff from the forest. I heard a twig snap. No one was barking, though. No one was shouting about how they found me, how they had my trail. I didn't need to sniff to know who it was--not that my sense of smell was strong enough without him coming closer. I heard that he was there. He was approaching calmly, and I appreciated that.

"I--" I started, "I was raped, Aster. By my old trainer. Not once. He... he did it over and over again. He did things that couldn't have even felt good for him just because he wanted to hurt me. He hurt me so badly."

The snapping twigs and brushing leaves stopped. There was just the nighttime breeze now that rustled through the canopy of the trees.

I gulped. My eyes began to water. "It's all because I couldn't fight. I worked so, so hard with my training. But then, when he sent me out against the gym, everything went dizzy just like it did during your game and I could barely breathe and..." My words trailed off. Tears began to flow, and I gulped down the lump in my throat. "He said I was a waste of a buizel. I lost so badly. I was useless. So um, he told me that now that was the only thing I was good for. And that's all I was for him for so long. I... I don't even know how long it was. He'd only take me out of my pokeball to use me. I never got rest. It was just more and more and more and more..."

"Oh sweetie. You poor thing." The voice was a deeper female baritone. I nearly jumped out of my fur when I turned my head to see Nasia, the terrifying, hulking female ursaring stepping from the treeline.

I sniffled and tried to wipe the wetness from my cheeks. Tensing, I tried to psych myself up to run for it. But I was just so tired. Everything was too much. So instead, I just buried my face into the grass and continued to weep.

"Oh honey, honey..." Huge, muscular arms wrapped around me. I shook like a leaf. This was it, then. I couldn't run from the pet canines the humans set after me and then also run from this ursaring. All I could do was shake and sob and try to curl up into a tight ball.

I squeaked as I was raised from the ground and held to her chest. A horrible pain shot through my shoulder, turning that squeak into a pained squeal. Immediately, the pressure lessened.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" she asked softly.

I nodded. "M-my shoulder," I said between my heaving sobs. The paws holding me shifted around, one supporting me under my belly, the other gently along my side. After another minute of crying and shaky breathing, the pain faded.

"Feel better?" Nasia asked.

"Mhm." She was so soft and warm. Slowly, my body relaxed in her grip.

The ursaring began to move, her heavy paw slowly stroked along my side. She shouldered through the brush that led up to Aster's apparently not-so-secret quiet place.

"W-where are you taking me?"

"You caused quite the stir tonight, girl," the ursaring said softly. "I heard that the mightyena and absol yapping up a storm about some rabid buizel, and well, I know this forest and I ain't seen any buizel but you here. And I know you ain't rabid. Figured I'd find you first. Hear you out, maybe keep you from gettin' poked and prodded with them jabby science needles humans like so much." She accentuated her point with a few gentle, absentminded taps on my side. We finally broke through the thick greenery of the woodland edge and into the open forest.

"I--why are you being so nice? I thought you ate pokemon like me. You chased me so far that first day after... after what happened to me. After he released me."

"Oh, you poor thing," the ursaring cooed. Then, her voice grew more sheepish. "I never would have scared you like that if I'd known all this. I... I saw you there all sad and depressed there on the beach and knew a growlithe that could use a friend. And, well, eh, my methods, they ain't always the most gentle nor sociable. Well, chasin's pretty fun--guilty pleasure of mine. and when you're a big ol' ursaring, it's easy to play at. Honest, I only eat berries and fish! Sorry, sweetie. Usually, well, it's pretty harmless."

There was more than a little consternation in the look I gave her. However, her sheepish, assuring smile cut through it. "Yeah. Ain't the best pastime, I know."

I sighed. There wasn't a need for any more words, so we continued on in silence until the distant howling and barking grew louder and louder. The heavy, furred paw stroked my side as I nestled into the ursaring's fluffy chest.

"No worries, Beau. They're down in the ravine. I'm gonna get you back to your place, and you'll be right safe there. Just gotta lie low 'till morning." The ursaring paused, thinking. "Well uh, that's if you're wantin' to go to your place. You uh, had a lot to say to your growlithe friend. I could drop you in my cave instead."

I shook my head. "I want to see Aster."

"Alrighty, honey." The big paw patted my head.

My eyes squeezed shut as the lumbering ursaring continued on through the forest. The howls still caught at the edge of my attention, piercing my ears. But they were farther away now. Maybe they wouldn't be able to smell me in Nasia's arms. No, that was asking for too much. I didn't have a canine nose, but I'd seen Aster's in use. This was just buying me time. But it was time that I desperately wanted to spend near Aster.

Nasia's steady, lumbering gait gradually brought us through the forest towards Aster's cave. I wasn't paying attention, though, my mind had drifted off in contemplation, running over the events of the past few weeks I had spent on the island. I almost spat laughter at myself when I thought again to the goals I had set, the ways I wanted to try to become normal again. All of that had truly gone to shit.

When we neared the entrance, Nasia gently set me down. I shakily got to my feet. "Thank you. What do I do if they come here to find me?"

"I'll be waiting right here for them, girl. You go right in and talk to your growlithe. I'll keep watch. Right here. Out of earshot."

"That's... really kind of you," I said softly. I offered her a smile. "You remind me of my trainer's mother."

"I'll take that as a complement!"

With that, I hesitantly walked down towards the cave, leaving Nasia in between the hunting, howling canines and myself. I felt so much safer, so much calmer. My head had cleared now that I'd had time to think things through. Now I just had to pray to the legendaries that Aster didn't hate me.

My voice was soft as I peeked into the dimly lit cave and asked, "Aster?"

"Beau?" his voice was nervous, yet clearly excited. I heard the sudden thump thump thump of his tail slapping the cave floor. "I... are you okay? I heard howling out there. I heard your name. I was so scared and I-I thought you wouldn't want me to follow you because you ran away from me like that."

"I'm okay." I gulped down the nervous lump that had crept back into my throat as I stepped into Aster's home--what had become my own home. My vision steadily adjusted to the dim light and I looked down at the nervous growlithe, standing awkwardly by his bed. I continued in a shaky voice, "Th-there's something I need to talk to you about, and I'd really appreciate if you waited until I was done to ask questions."

His eyes were full of concern as they looked into my own. He gave me a quick nod. "Of course, Beau." Hesitantly, he walked back into his cave, lit only by the glimmer of a discarded human lamp. He sat down a few feet to the side of his cushioned bed, the spot he'd slept while letting me have his bed for so many nights until we just began to cuddle at night.

I hesitantly followed his lead and lay myself down on the soft cushions. After closing my eyes, I told Aster everything that had happened to me before he met me. I skipped over the details. Those weren't important, and I certainly didn't want to relive them myself. But I told him of all of the visceral fear, hatred, stress, and nausea that had consumed every waking moment of my life. Aster started crying before I did, but by the end of my story tears stained a line down the fur of my own cheeks as well.

After a long silence, the growlithe choked out, "So wh-when you... when we uh, when we were together..."

I whispered, "I just wanted to feel normal again."

"C-can I hug you?" he asked.

After a long moment, I nodded. "Please do, Aster."

The warmth of the growlithe's fur pressed to my back as he hesitantly curled around me. His paw draped over my shoulder. A tentative tongue dragged up the crook of my neck. It felt really nice.

"I'm so sorry Beau. I never wanted to h-hurt you." He went quiet for a moment. Then, his muzzle nestled into the crook of my neck. "After my family died, I-I tried to play with other pokemon like nothing had happened. But everything reminded me of them--my older sister, my mom, my dad--and I couldn't cry because everyone would make fun of me for crying at a dumb game."

I sniffled and nodded. "But it makes you feel broken. Like no one can like you, because you're just putting on a show for everyone. They'd all hate you and find you pitiful if you ever lowered your walls."

"Yeah, but I like you, Beau. You're not broken." He said quietly. "And it does get better."

My cheek rustled against the cushion as I gave a slight, wordless nod. I thought back to the original goals I had set for myself. Not the ones I'd perverted them to in a burst of self-pity. Aster knew what I went through now, and he didn't care. And that made me feel warm. I didn't have to hide it.

I had accomplished two of the goals. Aster was certainly a real friend. And I could probably survive on my own. I hadn't trained at all to become stronger, though. And I found that didn't bother me as much as it might have before.

I wasn't going to become normal again. There isn't anything I could say or do to make what happened to me not have happened. I couldn't flip a switch and forget the horrors I'd survived through. All I could do was move forward and trust that what Aster said was true.

It does get better.