Where do they go...
For the last couple of months now, I've had these thoughts in my head, about how the family of a transgendered person feel. It's never talked about. So I'm sharing my personal experiences in a story since I found it hard to form into words. I know this is likely going to make people upset, and make bold claims that I'm a transphob, which I'm not. This is merely me showing the deepest secrets of the family and friends of someone who is transitioning. The thoughts they don't want you to know about. The pain they dare not share, in order to keep those that have transitioned happy. Believe me, these thoughts are there, as I've heard them countless times.
Where do they go...
By Xan Steel
Shane and Jonna, a wolf couple, have been mates for 30 years now, and in that time they only managed to have one child. A boy, who would be a young man by now. Except young Jack was no more, and instead in his place was a young woman by the name of Gara.
Gara came into being around nineteen years after Shane and Jonna became mates. She was very different from Jack. No longer was she the kind, caring, and lovable goof that Jack was, but instead more inward about themselves, and rarely helped others.
Shane and Jonna supported Gara with all their love, but in the end, they were completely heart broken.
Years have past and Gara was now living on her own. Jonna felt safe enough to pull out a small box that she had kept hidden in their closet all this time. She sat on the edge of their bed, and put the box down next to her, and opened the lid. Inside there were old photos. Photos of Jack. Photos Jonna had hidden away from Gara, and refused to destroy at the behest of her Therapist.
Jonna sat there remembering her son. All the happy times that the photos showed. After a while though it started getting to her as she began to weep, as one thought kept entering her mind. Where did he go? Was he alive, or was he dead? Did anyone know where he was? Was there any closure for her?
Shane had heard Jonna crying from out in the living room of their home, and quietly went to check on her. When he got to their bedroom is when he noticed that small box, and the photos gently scattered on the bed. Her back was to him as he slowly entered the room to see what the photos were of, and once he was close enough he noticed that they were of Jack.
"Sweetie, what are you doing?" he asked.
She jumped hearing his voice and started to frantically grab and stuff the photos back into the back. Shane reached down and stopped her. "Sweetie, whats going on?" he asked her.
She looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks, and with a softly broken voiced ask, "Where is he?"
Shane looked at her, not fully understanding her question. "Where's who?" he asked.
She spoke again with a bit more force in her voice. "Where's my baby boy?"
Shane looked at her for a moment before speaking again, "Hun, Gara is still here, she never left. You can call her up and talk with her anytime."
Jonna shook her head. "That's not what I'm asking."
"I'm sorry hun, I don't understand what you're asking." he replied.
Jonna just looked at him with the most serious eyes he had ever seen on her, as her voice raised louder with each question. "Where is my Jack. Where is the boy I gave birth too? Is he dead? Is he missing? If he's missing is anyone looking for him? She paused for a moment as another question popped into her head and she spoke softly, "Did Gara... did Gara kill him? Did the Therapist try and make us kill him by getting rid of every last piece of Jack?"
Shane looked at the photos on the bed, and realized that this was all they had left of Jack. Jonna never threw them out like the Therapist had told them too. He pulled her into a loving embrace as she broke down in his arms. He never paid much attention to his own personal feelings on the matter, but if he was going to be honest with himself. Then even he had these same thoughts over the last couple of years.
Jonna leaned back to look at Shane and spoke, "Please don't tell Gara I have these thoughts. I don't want her to know my pain." Shane asked why, "Because I didn't give birth to Gara, and I don't feel close enough to her for her to know my deepest secrets and pain." she replied.
Shane asked, "Do you hate her?"
Jonna looked at him again, but he saw her looks soften. "No, I have no reason to hate her, but love? That... that's going to take some time. Not to mention her becoming a better person and dropping that crappy attitude."
Shane gave a light laugh at that. "Well, I can't disagree with you there. She needs to hang out with better friends."
Jonna carefully put the photos back into the box and stuck them in the spot she had them in before. She spoke again while closing the closet door. "There may come a time where I can reveal this to her. Until then, she can't know those photos exist."
Shane nodded, "I know. When we do open up to her about it, I wonder if she'll forgive us. The child that just appeared in our lives from out of the blue."
She spoke softly again, "I don't know. All I know is our boy, who had so many hopes and dreams, is gone forever. We will never see him again."