Chapter 5

The rushing wind of the dark abyss was instantly replaced with the warm glow of the classroom. Since there were fewer people now, the noise was somewhat quieter, though still quite a racket. Max was shaking badly again, so he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, but in the darkness behind his eyelids he saw the bear's visage. So, he took his hands away and lay still, staring up at the low ceiling.

"Welcome back, everyone." Blair said over the quieting din. Max sat up, suppressing a groan. "I hope y'all had a slightly better time, at least knowing what you're up against. As I said last night, I'll be here for a while if you need someone to talk to, and your dorm captains can find you someone too. You're dismissed to dinner."

Max looked over to Alva, and saw that they were sitting too, still breathing hard from whatever dream they'd just finished.

"You okay?" Max asked.

They nodded. "Yes. It was the same dream as last time. Gods, air feels good. You?"

"It was pretty close. The bear was more visible this time."

"Did it catch you?"

Max hesitated. "Yes and no. It kinda caught me, but it didn't kill me directly."

"Was it the cliff again?"

Max nodded, swallowing hard as he stared down at his lap. He was surprised when Alva put their hand on Max's knee. "I know what you mean. We don't actually die, of course, but it does feel as close as I could imagine it."

Feeling uncomfortable from their touch, Max moved to stand, and Alva moving their hand away to let him stand. Alva stood as well, and began the same curious stretching routine they'd done last time. Max stretched his tight muscles as best he could, though given how fluid Alva's motions looked, he felt he was somehow doing it wrong. He also was aware that his hands were still shaking, but at least his fluttering heart was finally beginning to slow.

He waited for them to finish their routine, the two of them joining the stragglers leaving. They ate dinner in relative silence, Max not feeling particularly up to lengthy conversation. When they'd both finished, they headed back to the house, and as it was yesterday, a fire was already roaring in the hearth.

Max started to head for his room. "Well, I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait, you're going to bed already?" Alva asked incredulously. "The night's still young! I've got a deck of cards in my room, we could play a few hands of bridge before bed, at least. What do you say?"

Max looked longingly at his room. He just wanted to be alone, to sleep away the memory of the nightmare. He also had never heard of this game, and didn't think he was in the mood to try and learn a new card game. But a glance back at Alva told him they really wanted him to stay up with them.

"Oh, come on, just a few hands. Surely you could stay awake for at least that long?"

Max sighed, deciding he could stay up for a little bit. "Fine, just a few hands."

Alva positively beamed. "Great! Let me go get the cards."

They hurried off into their room, coming back quickly with a deck of cards clutched in one hand. The two of them took seats at the table, Alva beginning to shuffle the cards.

"You'll have to teach me to play, I've never even heard of bridge."

Alva stared at Max. "Really? You'd have to be a hermit to have never heard of the game back home." They waved it off. "Don't worry about it. The rules are fairly simple."

It turned out Alva was right, in that the rules were simple; a few minutes of discussion covered the rules of the game. However, Max quickly discovered that, though the game seemed to rely heavily on chance at face value, Alva was able to handily beat him at every hand they played. On losing the third hand in a row, he decided that he'd fulfilled 'a few hands' and tossed the cards he was holding into the center of the table, rubbing his eyes and groaning. "I'm gonna have to quit there. I can barely stay awake." It was mostly true, as they'd been playing for at least an hour now and it was long since dark outside, well past Max's normal bedtime. "I need to go to bed."

Alva paused in gathering the cards back up, looking disappointed. "Oh. Well, it was fun playing bridge with you. We'll have to play again tomorrow night."

Max wasn't sure he wanted to play again, but he nodded anyways. "We'll see. Goodnight."

"Sleep well, Max."

Max pushed himself away from the table and went to his room, closing the door behind him. It took him a second or two before he could see well enough in the dark room to move about so that he could undress for bed. When he was settled in bed, he found himself staring at the wall, feeling like sleep was far away from him. It was odd, he felt dog tired, yet sleep still seemed to elude him. All the conditions around him should've allowed him to fall asleep with ease. He was more than warm enough, even without the blanket. The bed was softer than any he'd ever known, and the room was pitch black. It was even much quieter and private than he'd ever had at home, or in the previous bunkhouse. Thoughts of home brought a fresh pang of melancholy over him. He'd never imagined he'd miss dad's snoring before he left home, and now he wished to hear it again just so that he knew his dad was close. Still, though it took longer than it should have, he eventually drifted off into a deep and untroubled sleep.

The rest of the week went by largely in a blur. Nothing much changed in the nightmares, although the stranger stopped appearing. By the fifth time he'd experienced the same nightmare, the bear's effect had diminished somewhat. It still scared the daylights out of Max, but the fear didn't seem to last the same way it used to. Waking up on the sixth day, Max almost felt relief. He had another session to go to, but at least after this one he would have a day off.

Max got up and got dressed, humming a tune to himself. He wasn't surprised to find that Alva wasn't awake yet, and knowing them, wouldn't be up for a little while yet. He started to head out the door, but stopped after a couple steps, chewing the inside of his lip. He wanted to go ahead and head out for a couple laps around the grounds, like he'd done for the last several days, but he began to feel that he ought to wait for Alva. After all, they'd nearly missed a session yesterday, running in as Blair was passing out Focal. Maybe it wouldn't be bad to stick around and make sure that they got up on time.

Max stretched out on one of the lounge chairs, watching the grounds outside slowly brighten with increasing anxiety. When it seemed clear to him that breakfast would be well underway by now, he stood up and went to Alva's door, knocking gently. "Alva, you awake?" He called softly through the door. Hearing nothing, he knocked again, a little harder, this time getting a groan that sounded vaguely like 'what'.

"Are you getting up soon? Breakfast will be ending before long."

Max heard a long groan. "Yeah." Alva called through the door.

Figuring that was good enough, Max took a seat and waited for Alva to wake up. It was at least twenty minutes before they came out of their bedroom, dressed in creamy white clothes and covering a wide yawn.

"There you are. I was beginning to think you'd fallen back asleep."

A smile tugged at the corners of Alva's muzzle. "I wanted to, given the early hour. But, I decided it was better to get up than to miss breakfast yet again."

"We still might." Max said, anxiety creeping into his voice. They wouldn't have much time for breakfast now.

"It'll be fine, I'm sure. Go on, I'm right behind you."

Alva gestured towards the door, and the two of them left their house. When they entered the dining hall, they found it in full swing, the room filled with the noisy clatter of a lot of people eating. They made their way to the initiate's table. Max was drawn to the free space near the end of the table, but Alva opted to sit in the gap between two groups. One of them was a group of Kainers, but on the other side was a small knot of three Draagen, their scaly hide and dragon muzzles a dead giveaway. Max recognized them from his homeland, and he immediately wished that Alva had chosen to sit somewhere else, which was especially true when the Draagen next to Alva gave them a glare, then made a point of scooting away from them. Alva was looking at Max, away from the Draagen, and missed the action altogether, it seemed.

"What are you waiting for? Have a seat." Alva said, patting the bench beside them with their hand.

Not knowing of any tactful way to ask Alva to move, Max took a seat next to them. He only hoped that they wouldn't attempt to try and talk to the Draagen. For the last few days, Alva had tried to talk to the other initiates, and had little success. The closest they'd gotten so far was a vague promise to play cards sometime in the nebulous future from one Kainer, after a somewhat stilted conversation. Max was surprised they'd gotten that much out of him, though of course nothing seemed to materialize of the promise. Looking down the table, Max saw the Kainer in question, whose name Max could not remember, was nestled among his peers without room for anyone to sit nearby.

"Hi there, how are you today?" Max turned to see who Alva was talking to and nearly choked as he saw them talking to the Draagen. Or trying to at any rate; it was clear to Max that the Draagen closest to Alva was pointedly ignoring them.

"Uh, Alva..." Max said, trying to warn them off with his tone.

They looked over at Max. "What? I'm just trying to be friendly."

Before Max could answer, they scooted closer to the Draagen and tapped his shoulder. The Draagen turned and stared at Alva, as if disbelieving what he was seeing.

"Hello, how are you today?" Alva said, sounding slightly unsure of themselves, but still more than friendly.

"What do you want?" The Draagen growled, his voice a low bass.

Alva was taken aback by the response. "I'm sorry, is there something wrong with asking how you are?"

"Yeah, there is. You're talking to me when I really don't want to talk to you."

"And why not? I've done nothing to offend you." Alva said, thoroughly affronted.

"You talking to me is a great offense, manling. I don't even know why they allow scum like you into the school as anything other than a servant."

"Oh really?" Alva said, nonchalant but with an edge to it. "I would've guessed you were a servant, given your dress. Who wears wool anymore, especially dyed such a drab color?" They said, picking at the Draagen's olive green shirt.

Max winced. They were dressed better than Max was, but nowhere near as opulently as Alva was. The comment must've infuriated the Draagen, because his mouth twisted into a snarl as he yanked his arm out of their grasp. "Fancy dress doesn't make a man. You could cover a pig in silk, but that doesn't make it a man."

"Yes, you're right." Alva said, sizing him up. "Silk alone wouldn't be able to make a face like that acceptable, would it?"

The Draagen's face darkened, and Max began to feel terribly afraid. "You may wear silk, but we both know you didn't earn it."

Alva's jaw clenched. "The Kay family has earned their wealth more than fairly."

The Draagen snorted. "I bet you didn't. I bet you got those silks in exchange for sharing a bed."

"What is that supposed to mean? What's wrong with sharing a bed?" Alva said, genuinely confused as far as Max could tell. How they didn't understand the insult, Max didn't know.

The Draagen stared at Alva for a second, then burst into laughter.

Alva now positively fumed as the three Draagen laughed uncontrollably. "What is so funny?" They said, their voice deadly cold.

It took the lead Draagen a few more moments to catch their breath, still fighting off giggles. "I thought it would be obvious. If you dress like a whore..." He said, trailing off and giving Alva a malicious grin.

Alva's gaze went wide, then turned positively icy. "Take that back."

"Why? You just said as much. I bet you like letting men bend you over-"

The Draagen was stopped short by his head snapping to the side from the force of Alva's slap. The sound of the slap seemed to resound through the dining hall, even over the din. Alva stood slowly, deliberately as the Draagen stared at Alva in disbelief mixed with rage. "Don't ever call me a whore again." They said, only just tall enough to look down on the seated Draagen. Max thought the Draagen would lash out, but before he had the chance, Alva stalked off, people at the tables watching them leave as the chattering rose in pitch. The Draagen's fiery gaze landed on Max, and he knew that he shouldn't stick around either, hurriedly getting up and following after Alva.

Max caught up with them in the great hall, heading towards the training room. "Hey, hold up." Alva slowed to a stop. "You okay?"

Alva sniffled quietly before they turned and gave Max a sad smile. "Yes, I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I just want to get in class."

Max nodded, following them into the training room. They found themselves among the first to be there. They sat on their chosen mats in silence, Alva staring off into space with their mind far away. Max had no idea what was going through their head, and though he wanted to know, he didn't think it would've been polite to ask.

When they came out of the nightmare, Max took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Though his hands still shook, he felt composed enough. Six days in a row of the same nightmare took the edge off it, though he still couldn't bring himself to wait and see what would happen if the bear caught up to him. He looked over at Alva to find them sitting there, with a haunted look on their face.

Max leaned over towards Alva. "Alva?"

They closed their eyes, jaw clenching. "It changed."

"What changed?"

"The dream. I didn't drown this time, but my Alius is a bastard, though."

"Why? What happened?"

They made a humorless chuckle. "I woke up in middle of a small room, wearing virtually nothing, standing in front of those Draagen. I tried to leave, but I realized I was chained to the floor. They told me to dance for them. I, naturally, refused. After enduring some tactless jeering, one of them gets up and starts moving my arms themselves in some crude facsimile of dancing, and they all thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Then they removed the little shred of clothing I had left."

"Oh god." Max said, putting a hand to his mouth.

"Thankfully, they didn't force themselves upon me, but they were certainly rude about it. After eons of them ogling me, I finally woke up."

Max couldn't help but stare at Alva, absolutely horrified. They seemed to be surprisingly composed for having just had their space violated so thoroughly. "I'm sorry. That sounds...horrible."

"It was, but it certainly could've been worse. At least I didn't feel like I was drowning at the end of it. That was almost worse."

Max could relate. He still hadn't gotten used to plummeting off that cliff. "I guess."

They lapsed into silence. Alva stood, and taking his cue, Max followed suit. In the dining hall, Alva seemed somewhat subdued through dinner, not speaking near as much as they had in the past week, eating even more slowly and less than usual. Their behavior made Max think that they were unhappier than they'd let on back in the training room.

Feeling bothered by that fact, when they were back in their house, Max stood in the living room, watching them take a seat in front of the fire. "So, you up for a game of cards?" He asked, thinking that seemed to cheer them up in the past.

But they shook their head. "Not tonight, Max. I don't really feel up to it." They said, giving Max a vaguely forced smile.

They propped their head on one hand, staring dejectedly into the fire. Max looked between them and his bedroom, debating taking the opportunity to have a little time to himself. He sighed, knowing he ought to try a little harder to comfort Alva. So, rather than head to his bedroom, he took a seat on the stool next to Alva.

They cast a glance at Max, but didn't say anything. Max spent several seconds debating what to say before he settled on the simplest choice. "You okay?"

"Yes. I am." Alva said quietly. They laughed softly. "Sorry, I'm being mopey, aren't I?"

"Oh, no. You're fine." Max said hurriedly. "I completely understand after what you went through just now."

Alva hummed their assent. "In all honesty, that's not the thing that's really bothering me, though."

"It's not?"

Alva shook their head. "No, not even close." They sighed. "I've been here a little under two weeks now, and in that time, I've met one person who seems to want to talk to me."

"Who?" Max asked, a moment before he understood the answer himself.

"You, of course. We are talking, aren't we?" They said, hinting at a smile. "Some even seem to despise me, despite having never met me before. Is there something wrong I keep doing? Some small thing I'm doing that is of great affront here? I've been careful to not greet people as I would back home, but still I seem to be disliked everywhere I go. I just tried to talk to that Draagen today and he seemed to take it as an insult to his honor. Am I doing something wrong?"

Alva was now looking at Max hopefully, and that made Max feel all the worse for having to tell them the ugly truth. "No, it's just...it's not your fault, what happened earlier."

"That's a relief. I thought I might've made a grave mistake and then made it worse with rash words. But why were they so angry at me, then?"

"Because..." It was difficult to put it into words. Were they not asking so genuinely, Max would've scoffed at their apparent ignorance. "Because you-we, we're not...normal."

"Not normal? How so?"

"We're the product of bad breeding, right? Freaks of no race, whom simply shouldn't have existed in the first place in many folk's minds, and in the Draagen's should be hunted down and destroyed."

"What?" Alva's face blanched. "I'm hardly from bad blood! The Kay family has lasted for well over 20 generations now."

"It has nothing to do with your family, per se." Max said tiredly, rubbing his eyes. "It's...well, it's the fact that we're, uh-" Max said the next word as quietly as he dared. "-manlings."

Alva stared at Max, seemingly uncomprehending. "What's wrong with that?"

"Wha-what's wrong with that?" Max returned their stare, shocked by their question. "It's not normal! No one has both of...those, and they're all prone to lust." Max knew firsthand how true that was.

Max was startled when Alva laughed. "Not normal! You'd be shunned back home if you weren't. I think it's strange that the people here aren't manlings."

"Please stop using that word." Max said quietly.

"Why? Is it..." Alva scrutinized Max. "Wait, are you serious? People here really feel that way?"

Max nodded.

"Is...that why people avoid me? Because I'm a manl-" They stopped short of finishing the word. "-like you?"

"Yes."

"That's ridiculous! I don't give myself over to just anyone simply because I'm a complete person!"

Max wasn't sure how to take them seeing themselves as 'a complete person'. "It's just the way it is."

Alva stared at Max for a moment before their shoulders slumped, the wind seeming to go out of them. "Gods, they warned me. I didn't think it was true, it seemed so crazy." They looked at Max with new understanding. "And you've lived here your whole life?"

"Not here, but further north, yes."

"Gods below, how have you dealt with it so far?"

Max shrugged. "I just have." He didn't care to speak more on it than that.

They didn't speak for a while, Alva staring at the fire even more dejectedly than they had mere minutes ago. Feeling like he'd done enough damage, Max stood to leave them alone. "If you don't mind, I'm heading to bed."

"You're welcome to. I think I'm going to be awake for a while. I've got a lot to think about." Alva said. They looked at Max. "Goodnight. Thank you for at least letting me know."

"You're, er, welcome. 'Night." He turned and quickly ducked into his room, afraid of doing more damage. Now alone in his dark room, he sighed to himself. As he lay in bed, he thought about what Alva had said. Did they really live in a place where people like him were the norm, not the outlier? He couldn't imagine a world like that, no matter how much he tried. What he did know, was that he felt terrible for Alva. He and isolation were old friends, especially here where he didn't even have his family or few hard-won friends to fall back on. The two of them might as well have been in a foreign land for all the help they had available to them.

He dreamed of home that night, sitting at the dining room table, laughing along with the retelling of an old story, when the panicked scream woke him. He was walking through his door after only a moment's hesitation. Nothing seemed out of place in the parlor lit by the coals of the evening's fire, so he went to Alva's room and pounded on the door. "Alva? You okay in there?" He shouted through the door.

Hearing no reply, he opened the door and peeked his head inside. Their room was like his, except there were several trunks open around the perimeter of the small room, their contents bleeding out onto the floor. Max paid these little mind as he saw Alva sitting up in bed, their eyes covered with their hands, breathing hard.

"Alva?" Max said tentatively.

"I-I'm fine." They said, still panting. "Sorry to...wake you."

"You're not hurt?"

"No. No, just an unpleasant dream." They said, making a visible effort to slow their breathing. "Sorry to wake you."

"It's fine. I just heard the screaming and..." Max stopped. "I'll let you get back to sleep. Anything I can do for you?"

They laughed bitterly. "No. Go back to sleep, Max."

Max nodded. "Okay. G'night."

"Goodnight, Max."

Max stepped quietly out of the room, closing the door behind him. He stood outside the door for a moment, feeling like there was something he should have done, but he had no idea what that would've been. After all, what power did he have over bad dreams?