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There was nothing that could prevent him from today's plan.

Tom took a sip from the cup of tea, staring at the dawn behind the window with a pale face and an empty look. His room was a mess as he just had one of his breakdowns. He wanted to clean it, but he couldn't do so before calming himself first.

His shaky hands put the cup back on the nightstand as he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. Recently, the nightmares were tamer, and Tom was grateful for that. At least he could wake up without the paranoia that something was going to happen.

He looked back at the sunrise as it was slowly creeping up the horizon. Sometimes, he felt like enough. He wanted to run, he wanted to cry. He wanted to tell someone and be told that everything was going to be okay, that it was just the nightmares. That nothing was ever going to hurt him anymore. That he was free.

He was not free.

No matter how far had he gotten, the nightmares kept chasing him. They were a part of him. He could never forget them. They were burdens that he had to carry throughout his life.

And then there was_him._

Tom took another sip from the cup as he pondered the existence of another mind inside his body. He read the theories; as his body's response to the mental and psychological abuse he endured, it created a second personality within his mind. He was, to put it simply, the personification of his anger and fears. He_sometimes hurt people as a defence mechanism. There was a possibility that _he didn't even care for anyone except his own self.

Tom had talked to him, but he never knew he existed until he found out that he had been doing something. Since then, their minds often synced up, and Tom could see behind a glass window when he was doing something while in control of his body. Sometimes, he felt a presence behind his mind, often unharmful, sometimes annoying.

After several fights at taking over, they agreed to work together as two voices in one body. He gave_him_ the name Lain, and he was fine with it. They talked several times, and Lain was the only one who understood him, in his own way. And surprisingly, Lain made his days a lot more bearable.

He--they--was a freak. He was not supposed to exist.

And yet...

Who put him here? Who decided to give him life? What was it for? To whom would he return? If there existed god, why did he put him in this situation, in this story?

What was the point of all of this?

Such were unanswered questions. No matter how hard he tried, how far he looked, he would never find the answers.

His life was a hopeless, confusing mess. Despite his attempts to try to get it right ever since, the past kept haunting him. If his life were a story, there would probably be two chapters: the really bad one and the less bad one.

Tom let out a sigh as the sunrays brightened his room, bathing everything in its celestial warmth. The sheets were scattered, books were everywhere. One of his chairs was broken. Yet all of them seemed nothing compared to the warmth the sun gave. It embraced the world, basking everything in life.

The wolf sipped the tea again, this time in indifference. He stared back at the window, expressionless. His hands were no longer shaking due to the utter nothingness he was feeling.

Perhaps some questions had better be left unanswered.

-

"We're here."

Tom wiggled his feet to get the snow off his shoes. He pulled his scarf tighter; despite having thick fluff, the winter breeze still got him. He loved the snow, really, but tonight was even colder than usual, and he didn't like it when it was too cold.

A quick glance to his phone gave him the forecast. It was 19.40 and it was -19.

In front of him was Andy's house. The house seemed alive despite the cold. Lights were everywhere and loud music could be heard since several houses away. He wondered if the neighbours were fine with this kind of commotion.

But as he walked here, he saw the houses in proximity looked empty. Probably their owners had already left for the holiday.

Max put his hand on the wolf's head and chuckled. "The cold got you, didn't it?"

Tom just grunted.

The large German Shepherd was right, it wasn't too far from campus. They only walked for a while--actually twenty minutes or so but they were busy having a conversation--and they arrived. Tom felt sorry for coming this late, but Max said they were fine.

Max rang the bell and the door opened almost immediately.

"Welcome, dude!" It slid open, revealing a familiar cheerful face. Andy was in the wolf's opinion a bit out of sync with his body. He was almost as tall as Max, equally buff, but he was so cheerful. He didn't mind that, though, but it was certainly something.

"Heey, my buddy." Max walked towards the lion and gripped his hand in greeting, then hugged him tightly. Tom was not jealous.

Andy laughed a bit and released the hug. "Come on in to the dark side! We have warm sofas, beer, and pizzas. Well, not pizzas but what's left of 'em." He chuckled at his own joke. "Oh, hey Tom." He waved at the wolf who nodded nervously. "Are these your buds, Max?"

Tom looked behind and saw his ragtag bunch of friends greeting the lion in various degrees of nervousness. For some reason, though, Lucy wasn't nervous. In fact, she was smiling brightly as she waved her hand.

"Yep." Max said and put his hood down. "Wait, actually there's one more but he's gonna be late."

The large lion laughed as his tail waved. "And here I thought you're the tamest of us." He accepted the cans of beer from Max. "Thanks, dude. The more the merrier! Anyway, come on, sirs, ma'am. Coats and scarves go to the study room." He then moved away from the doorframe and gestured them to come inside.

Max laughed again and slapped the lion's chest. This time, Tom laughed along, albeit a little.

They walked inside and took their coats and jackets off. Tom was about to go to the study room when Andy grabbed his coat hood. "Oh, no, you don't."

He turned around and saw Andy with a grin on his face. Oh, god. He looked handsome. Intimidatingly handsome.

"Think you could get away from me, huh?" that grin widened, and Tom gulped as the lion loomed before him. "It's not gonna be easy."

He had a good life... he had a good life...

The lion laughed loudly and pulled him into a tight hug, forcing him to gasp for air. Tom's snout was pressed against his wide chest, filling his nose with the lion's musk while his body was crushed by the lion's thick muscles. His nether region was screaming for relief, and only when he heard Max's laugh grew a glimmer of hope inside him.

"Come on, Andy, you're gonna break him like that." The dog said as he opened his jacket.

"Aw, man." He loosened his hug. The moment his snout came into contact with air, Tom gasped.

"See?" Max patted the wolf. "I promised to protect him against all evil forces like you."

Andy laughed again--what was it with him and laughter?--and let go of the wolf, making him run towards the study room.

"Did I break him?"

"Nah, he's just resetting himself." Max laughed and threw his jacket towards the wolf. It hit his head and the wolf carried it with him. "Take along! Forgot my jacket!"

At Tom's cry of "Ya!", Max laughed.

Inside, he closed the door and gasped against it, earning curious glances from his friends. Martin instead just laughed and shrugged it off. Heavens, he didn't know the wolf had just been at mercy's heels a few moments ago.

Tom took the jacket and looked at it as an idea formed inside his head. He looked around as he walked towards the hangers, there was only Ellie and Theodore remaining, and the two was leaving the room.

No one was suspicious.

"Tom," Theodore said, making the wolf's fur bristle in surprise. "Don't lock yourself here, okay? There's a party outside!"

He turned around and smiled nervously. "Um, yeah, in a bit."

Then the two went away, leaving Tom alone in the study room. The wolf looked down at Max's jacket. Um, well, yeah, he could. There was no one here. Surely a sniff wouldn't hurt anyone, right?

Not thinking anymore, he brought it closer to his nose and sniffed it.

Ohhhh

Max smelled great. His jacket smelled a lot like him, but much, much stronger now that it was in front of his nose. Max smelled sexy, masculine, and he didn't even use perfumes or deodorant tonight. His body scent was filling the wolf's nostrils, and it drove him crazy. His tail wagged in contentment.

He sniffed it again when he felt once wasn't enough, his ears going down. The area near his collar was great. How would his armpits smell like?

"Oi, Tom!"

The wolf jumped in surprise as his fur and ears went up. The jacket fell onto the floor. His tail batted the nearest hanger, nearly knocking it down. His face flustered in embarrassment, as did his ears.

He turned around slowly as to not show his flustered face. When he saw Max standing at the doorframe, a grin on his face, arms folded over his chest, tail lazily waving, he knew he was fucked up.

The dog didn't scold him, though, if his grin was any indication. He just kept grinning and looked at him. Tom stared back, not knowing what to do. This might be his last meeting with the world. Goodbye.

"You don't have to fold everyone's jackets and coats, you know." The large dog chuckled. "Come on, I wanna introduce you to the guys."

Hearing the words, Tom blinked several times. "Oh, um, right," he let out a small nervous laugh as he picked up the fallen jacket and put it on the hanger. "Uh, a bit." Okay, play it cool.

Sweet heavens Max wasn't suspicious of what he was doing with his jacket. The dog just thought he was folding everyone's jacket. Max didn't go, though, he kept looking at the wolf with that grin. He took a quick glance at the dog and he knew he was hopeless.

Max looked drop-dead_gorgeous._ He wasn't sure he could explain just how alluring was Max. And posing at the doorframe with his thick arms over his wide chest and that smug grin on his face, he looked like a bad boy wanting to be pleased.

Just how much had his crush developed already?

Tom took his own coat off and hung it next to the dog's with a slight tremble in his hand. Okay, okay, focus on the party.

A small whine escaped him as he turned around to face the dog. He didn't look at Max as he walked towards him, not trusting his horny mind.

"Ready to meet the bunch?" the dog asked him as he got close.

"Um, yeah." Tom squeaked, his steps defeated. He was flustering and trembling like crazy with Max, now he was going to meet the rest of his team? He definitely had to tone his lust down and strengthen his belief.

Andy was cutely hot. Max was super hot. What other categories of hotness was he going to encounter this night?

Max put his hand on his shoulder and pushed him softly to come along as he neared. The wolf closed the study room door and followed him through the maze of other people. Unfortunately, his gay mind was in a full swing because of the scent before. He looked around; some of them looked like they went out of a fitness magazine. Some looked like they went to the gym too often. Some looked normal, and Tom was glad he wasn't the only one without bulging muscles around here.

He caught sight of Martin, James, and Ellie in a corner. They looked like they were having fun.

And everyone was. Around him, people were having a good time. They chatted, dancing to a stereo system next to the television, and just having a good time. The smell of alcohol and pizza was in the air, mixed with countless other smells he couldn't exactly pinpoint. There was soda, cigarette, even deodorant. Who would want to use deodorant when they were in the middle of the winter anyway?

Tom crouched a little as he passed someone bigger than him. He was having a good time, too. Only, he was too shy to 'enjoy the view'.

Good thing Max was in an appropriate clothing tonight, a baggy green t-shirt and jeans, unlike some of the attendees here who would be better off not wearing anything because their clothes did a poor job of actually covering their bodies.

Yep, good job, brain.

They navigated the living room and went into another room near the kitchen, and Tom felt his heart sink as a group of people called Max's name.

"Oi, Max!"

He instinctively hid behind the dog's larger body when he saw Andy. His nether region couldn't handle another teasing.

He heard Max yelled back and took his hand off his shoulder. Instead, he clung to the other's t-shirt as he walked. The dog's hand then came back to his shoulder, pushing him to move next to him. Max looked at him with a small smile on his face. "Don't worry, they're not gonna bite." He winked.

That didn't calm him down.

"Hey, guys." Max waved at them.

Okay, he was here already. He should've left his introvert bone back at the dorm. He was going to enjoy the night, tease or not.

Andy waved at him, too, and he nervously waved back with his ears down.

Max put his hands on Tom's shoulders. "So, guys, this is Tom, the big, scary wolf who actually managed to make Andy do his homework." He chuckled. "Be nice with him, okay?"

"Hi, Tom!" Andy casually greeted him.

Tom looked at the group. There were only 6 of them--football teams consisted of 11 people, right? Maybe the rest were someplace else. Yet, just like he imagined, the team members looked big and buff as fuck.

One of the guys wasn't even wearing any clothes, for fuck's sake. He looked straight out of a gay magazine with a body so defined he wondered if a god sculpted a statue and gave it a soul. His dark fur couldn't mask the bad boy aura on his face. The wolf looked away before he was caught checking him out.

"Hey!" he heard someone said and he turned his head. A crocodile waving was at him, his face friendly. He looked even taller than Max.

The hands on his shoulders didn't leave, and the dog gave him an encouraging pat.

"Hey, uh, I'm Thomas Luis Purnama, but you can call me Tom." He started, masking away his nervousness by a smile, though he was sure his lowered ears gave it away. "I have classes with Max. It's nice to meet you."

Oh good lord, he wished he didn't sound as nerdy as he thought.

Everyone responded "Hey," with varying degrees of expression. Tom's sight went to the naked guy, a panther, but he wasn't sure if he was a dark-furred cougar or a dark-furred mountain lion. He was looking at him with a surprised smile on his face. "Wait, you're the guy who won second place at the conference a month ago, aren't you?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Oi, Octo, don't scare him away!" Someone said. "Your face's gonna make him kick your ass!"

"Oh, shut up!" said the large panther--he decided to just call him that. Tom took a step back when the panther stood up from the corner of the sofa and began walking towards him.

He glanced over to Max to ask for help, but the dog was conversing with the others. "Ooh, not just he's got classes with me, he's the class captain! He's a thousand times smarter than me."

That was a nice compliment but seriously he needed help.

The panther smiled. "Hey, Tom. I'm Octo." He extended his hand.

The panther's deep, baritone voice made him tremble a bit. He was glad the panther's large frame blocked the lamp because he was sure his face was even redder than the pants the panther was wearing. He took the hand and shook it, feeling its firmness in his own hand. His ears went down. "T-Tom." The pecs were too close... too close...

Octo pulled his hand away, but instead of going back, he took a step and petted the wolf's head. That action had several consequences. He could smell the panther's musk even more strongly and ohh look at the abs flexing.

"Ey, Octo, don't just go and pick him up! He's Max's." Andy shouted.

"Say that to yourself." He shouted, then he turned back to the wolf with a small chuckle "Don't be afraid. We're not going to kick your ass. And truth be told I'm the least insufferable of all of them."

Tom looked up to meet his face and nervously smiled back. "Yeah, I'll... uh... keep that in mind."

"Congratulations on the second place, by the way. It was an excellent presentation. And, no, I'm not picking you up." He added with a smile and a pat to his shoulder, then retreated to his spot on the armrest of the sofa. "How long Jack's gonna give me another shirt? I don't like going naked like this."

"Why the fuck did you spill the beer all over yourself anyway?"

"It was your fault, you know."

Max then sat on the seat left by Andy on the sofa next to the croc. "Hey, no cursing! And Nathan, get off the soFA: Tom needs to sit."

The crocodile shrugged and stood up. "I'm gonna go check on Jack to make sure he's not fapping to Andy's porn mags."

"Hey!"

Tom allowed himself to chuckle a bit and sat down next to Max, his heart beating rapidly. This was the closest he had ever gotten to Max. His shoulder was pressed against the dog's solid arm and his, er, lower parts were just within arm's reach.

He shifted a bit away from the dog before his mind could get even dirtier.

"Okay, so, now they know you, you gotta know them." The German Shepherd said. "You've met Octo the panther and Andy the lion. The Doberman over there is Johnny. That overgrown rat is Stephan."

Max introduced him to all his friends. They didn't seem too intimidating... well, maybe but probably it was him feeling so out of place right now. The team members were fine, friendly, and as much as it surprised him, they also made him feel welcome. He was definitely a stranger that didn't fit with them, but they didn't make any fuzz about it and just invited him to their conversation.

A deer by the name Yohan cracked some jokes, and Tom found himself laughing to it along with everyone else.

At least he wasn't being antisocial, as Martin would put it. He didn't talk much, but responded to every joke they threw, even though he didn't really understand most of them.

Several moments later, Nathan the crocodile went back with some paper cups, more bottles of beer, and a t-shirt in his hand. He handed the t-shirt to Octo who immediately put it on and gave Tom a cup. "Have fun, okay?" Nathan winked at him and filled his cup with beer.

Tom gave back a smile. "Y-yeah, thanks."

"No problem!"

"Hey, Tom." He turned his head at the mention of his name.

The Doberman--Johnny--was looking at him across the room, drink in hand. Tom flustered a little at the sight of those biceps behind his tank top. "Uh, ya? Johnny, right?"

The Doberman sipped from his cup. "Just call me John, pup." He let out a small chuckle. "So, how did you manage to live with Max all this time? He didn't grope you while you were sleeping, right?"

Max threw him a used paper cup, which earned a laugh from everyone. Should he tell him? He wanted to be sociable, but he didn't want to be on the shepherd's bad side.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you from Max." Octo chimed in with a snicker on his face. Good thing he was wearing a t-shirt right now. "Really, I'm curious."

"Um, well." He started, taking a glance over Max who had his ears lowered. That was cute, really. Max sipped from his own cup and Tom saw a slight blush on his face. "Max was fine, really. Honestly, he freaked me out during our first few days, but now we're fine." He chuckled a bit. "At first, he wasn't really keen on staying after classes, but recently he's been doing just that, and I now understand why."

"Being the football captain is tiring, you know." Max said, a slightly nervous smile on his face.

"Yeah, man, I gotcha."

"Yep, I feel ya, buddy."

John laughed a bit. "Max wasn't giving you any trouble, was he?"

"No, no! Not at all." He defended. "It's more like I kept him out of trouble. He also did keep me out of trouble sometimes."

"Nice."

"Max, are you crushing on him now?" Yohan asked with a grin.

"Haha fuck you. Though how we managed to get along so quickly is kinda neat." Max answered. Tom looked at him and found the dog chuckling at the deer. That was... good, right? Max wasn't gay, he knew that, but having platonic love wasn't gay, right? Right?

He's not, but I am crushing on him, he wanted to say. Instead he just let out a small chuckle.

"Don't worry, Max. You know we don't discriminate against sexualities." The deer added with a laugh, putting his hand on Octo's shoulder who rolled his eyes and smiled amusedly.

Max took a gulp from his beer. "Yeah thanks but I love tits."

Oh, right, the beer. Tom looked at the beer in front of him and stared at it. Would it be fine if he drank it? He wasn't sure about getting drunk around these guys.

"Drink up, Tom!"

Okay, maybe a cup or two wouldn't hurt. Besides, he had high alcohol tolerance anyway. He took a gulp from his cup and closed his eyes, feeling the taste of beer going down his throat. Truthfully, he never understood why people liked this drink; it tasted ugly and it didn't do them any good.

He actually preferred rice wine over beer; maybe that was why his alcohol tolerance was higher. But well, he guessed people had their preferences.

"You good?" Max asked him.

He burped softly and wiped his lips. "Ya, I'm good."

On the other end of the sofa, Octo stood up and left, "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Sure."

Shortly after the panther left, the doorbell rang. Andy perked up at the sound and kicked Yohan softly. "Go get 'em."

"You're the host, you know."

Andy grunted and went away to open the door. "Tch, fine."

Tom laughed along as the large lion groggily put his cup on the table and walked towards the living room. Then, his laughter stopped as he felt a hand on his thigh. He froze and looked down, it was Max's hand.

He looked at Max; the dog was still laughing with the others.

Um, okay. He cleared his thoughts away before it could go wild.

When he heard someone calling his name, he turned his head and looked at the bunch. Octo was grinning at him--apparently he was back--along with John. The hand on his thigh moved away and he let out a quiet sigh.

"You're the nerd guy, right?" John said, "I got a challenge for you."

The wolf gulped.

"Make a joke about... uh... anyone got an idea?"

"Wait lemme summon my inspiration."

"Dude no."

Tom just chuckled a bit at their own confusion.

"How about this," Stephan said after taking a quick glance over the living room. "make a pick-up line about jackal and death!"

They all laughed again. Stephan looked smug, as if the challenge were his most genius invention. Maybe they were testing Tom's wit, or just playing around with him. Either way, it made the scenery even more lively.

Tom, though, gave him a long, hard stare. He didn't even crack a smile. Max took a quick glance at him and his expression dropped a bit when he saw Tom wasn't getting the joke.

"Uh, guys,"

The wolf then looked away, his ears flattened.

"Come on, Tom!"

"I know you can do it!"

"Uh, excuse me," he said slowly and sipped his beer, making the others went quiet. "we don't joke about death." He glanced at John whose expression turned to a bit concerned.

"But, for the sake of the night, I reckon I can make one. Well, the tamest one I could." He continued with a small chuckle. Max put his hand around his shoulder, as if telling him not to do it if he didn't feel like it, but he just smiled.

"Pup, it's fine. You don't hav--" John said, but Stephan cut him and leant forward, not getting the unease in the wolf. "Prove it!"

"Well, uh, okay, so," he chuckled nervously as he looked at the group. "Ey, are you dying out of shyness right now? 'Cause I want to guide you to our Duat together."

The group went quiet as they process what he just said. Tom wrung his fingers together nervously. They didn't seem to understand what he just said.

Suddenly, Octo laughed loudly, followed by Max. The others just looked at them, not understanding what was so funny. Max's arm embraced him as he laughed, making the wolf fluster at the contact. Max pulled him closer, and his elbow 'accidentally' made contact with the dog's abs.

He blamed the alcohol as his mind went haywire.

Nathan shoved Octo's side. "Hey, what is it? I don't get it."

"Well, if it made Octo laugh like a jerk over there, I knew that's some high-quality pickup line." John crossed his arms and snickered.

The panther's tail wiggled and he kicked the sofa.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just..." Max said amidst his laugh. "That... that packs... haha... that packs more punch than I thought, eh fuck that, that was outstanding!"

"Man, Tom, you... you're a real genius." Octo added. "That was real golden!"

Tom smiled shyly and let out a small chuckle. "Thanks."

"Um, sorry for not eating my textbook for breakfast, but what was that again?" Stephan said in confusion.

Max poured himself another cup of beer. "You know Anubis, right? The Ancient Egyptian god of funerals and guider of the souls?"

"Um, no?"

"Tom just said that if you're dying out of shyness right now, then he wants to be the one to guide your soul to Duat, the afterlife where you two can spend eternity together." Octo added with a triumphant grin. "And it also happens that Anubis is a jackal."

"Oh!"

"Oh right!"

Those who understood the explanation laughed along. Tom laughed too, he just beat the football main team by a single punchline. That actually made his insides tingle with contentment, that he didn't 100% suck at social life.

And it turned out he impressed Max as well, judging by the way he was ruffling his head fur and looked fondly at him.

Octo poured himself more beer. "Tom, seriously, that's outstanding. I owe you a pizza for that." He said, then he put his cup up in the air. "To Tom!"

Everyone did so and cheered. "To Tom!"

At that, he felt like he was being welcomed to the group. He smiled widely and gulped his cup in one go. Max took the bottle of beer and poured him some again, looking at him proudly with a big grin on his face. Yup, he did not regret coming here.

"Hey, what is it? What is it?" Andy walked towards them and came to the group. "What're you toasting to? Did I miss anything?"

"We got ourselves a real genius here." John said, pointing at Tom with his muzzle.

"Of course he is!" Andy replied, giving him a thumbs-up. "Oh anyway, we got a newcomer. Clayton or something."

"Dude, it's Kevin."

"Yeah I mean Kevin."

The German Shepherd perked up and looked at him. Tom did the same too and caught a glimpse of red behind the lion. Andy then moved aside, revealing Kevin dressed in modest clothing but perfectly matched the predatory grin on his face.

At that moment, Tom knew he was utterly hopeless.