Pitch Episode 24: Nerf
#28 of Pitch
You hardly, if ever, saw trolls go to school. They lived three times longer than most humans, so they rarely had children. Nerf was a teenage troll at Daybreak High school. He was also a star basketball player, which made sense because trolls were naturally tall. We never actually talked before. We knew of one another, but I suppose we never had reason to interact. That's why it came as a shock when he approached me after school one day.
It was a few weeks into the school year, and I was trying to keep my hands clean. I had only recently gotten out of being grounded, so I didn't want any trouble.
"You want me to come to the game?" I asked.
"We're trying to earn money for new uniforms this year," Nerf said as we stood on the front steps of the building.
Had I not been a few steps higher, I would have been eye level with his chest rather than his face. Still, those tusks that all trolls had made it intimidating to look Nerf in the eye. If he stepped any closer, my head would have been caught between the unique features.
"But you want me at the game?" I asked again.
"You and anyone else you know," he said.
"But, you know who I am, right?" I went on.
It was odd being invited anywhere by anyone, but a basketball game was extra fishy. Ever since my transformation into Danger Rabbit, my lousy luck only affected me directly, but there was an exception. Whenever I attended any kind of sport or competition, whoever's side I happened to be on almost always lost. Inviting me to the game was a sure way to lose.
"Yea, I know who you are," he answered like I was getting on his nerves or taking up too much time.
I didn't get it. Why would Nerf want me anywhere near a basketball game? We weren't friends. I didn't wear a letterman jacket as he did. He didn't have bad luck like me. I wasn't dating one of the hottest girls at school, and he didn't have a reputation for fucking shit up.
"But you still want me there?"
I had to keep asking.
"If you don't want to go then don't go," he said.
"I'll think about it," I said, as he finally turned to leave me.
That was Wednesday, but the game wasn't until Friday night. Naturally, I had time to think it over. I brought up the strange interaction on Thursday when I visited Wesson at his house. We had to write a paper for our government class, but I figured he'd want to talk about sports more than politics.
"A basketball game?" Wes said curiously.
"I know," I answered.
"I thought you hated basketball."
"I hate sports in general," I joked.
We were in the backyard playing with a few of Wesson's pets. Though, he wouldn't call them pets himself. He took care of them, fed them, and knew their names like pets. Regardless, Wes never saw animals as anything different from actual people. Maybe that's why he didn't mind my being a teen sized rabbit.
"I can't go, it's Russell's birthday tomorrow," Wes informed me while we played hide and seek with a family of squirrels.
"So, you want us to go to his party?" I asked.
"No!" he exclaimed so abruptly it scared the woodland creatures away.
It stunned me, and Wes saw that it did.
"Rus is turning 80," he said.
"80? I thought he was in his 30s."
"You know satyrs age slower than humans," he continued.
A lot of magical creatures aged so slow they were basically immortal. It's part of the reason there were so few of them. I wondered if my curse would similarly stop the clock for me.
"What I'm trying to say is, Russell is turning 80, so he'll have to go through a horn relief ceremony," Wes informed me.
"Horn relief?"
"Our horns never stop growing, and they eventually get too big to carry. Its tradition to saw them down every 40 or 60 years," he said.
"He's going to saw his horns off?" I questioned with the uncomfortable thought in mind.
"The whole family will have to help. It's never an easy ceremony, and it can be dangerous," he added.
"I had no idea."
With all of the animals gone, we didn't have anything to distract us from our homework but ourselves. We went inside to actually get to work.
"I can still go to the game by my self," I said.
"I don't trust Nerf," Wes admitted.
"Why not?"
"He ate my bag of chips once, and he never said sorry," Wes joked as we took seats in the living room.
"Wes," I said with a laugh.
"I'm joking, but for real, that dude gives me bad vibes," he said.
"Is it because he's taller than you, because almost everyone is taller than me," I joked as I cracked open my laptop that also happened to be cracked.
"If you want to go to his game, I won't stop you, but I don't trust him," Wes said before we moved on.
I wasn't a sports guy. I didn't have anything inherently against sports like childhood trauma, but there were always other things on my mind. Still, it was better than being home alone, so I decided to go to the game.
With magic being widespread and common, there had to be different leagues. Some schools had sports that allowed magic, and others had sports that didn't. In non-magic sports, anyone could play as long as they were humanoid enough. Trolls, elves, and even orcs were typically allowed to compete in non-magic sports. While they had their unique features, they weren't outlandishly different from humans in any way that made competition unfair. Basketball was one of the few human sports that had both a magic league and a non-magic league. Unfortunately, our school only participated in non-magic competitions.
Nerf might have opted to be on a magic basketball team if he had the chance. Having him as a starter likely made other teams uneasy. Trolls were notorious for their dislike of magic. Unfortunately, when other players saw Nerf, a guy with blue skin and tusks, of course they worried about foul play being an issue.
I could see the distrust when I showed up to the game. As I walked into the gymnasium, our team, The Warblers, and the opposing team, The Bears, were warming up on the court. There was a lot of attention on Nerf. He wasn't the only non-human on our school's basketball team, but he was the easiest to point out. They wouldn't take their eyes off of him. I usually got all of the attention when I walked into a room.
I was about to look for a seat when the man of the hour called out to me from the basketball court.
"Danger Rabbit! You made it," Nerf yelled across the gymnasium.
He got my attention and everyone else's. People were still showing up, and it was early, so I suppose it wasn't that big a deal. He acknowledged my arrival, almost as if he had been waiting for me. That's what stood out the most.
I took to the stairs and climbed down the bleachers to get courtside. Nerf was waiting for me.
I can't believe you wanted me here," I said, scratching the back of my head while he drank water from a paper cup.
I searched the room to make sure no one was pranking me.
"Yea, well, school spirit and all that," he joked.
"Right," I said, holding back my sarcasm.
"Do you know where you're sitting yet," he asked.
"Not yet, I was thinking something in the back," I started to say until he cut me off.
"Why don't you find somewhere over there," he said, pointing to the opposing team's side of the seats.
I raised an eyebrow.
"That's the other team's side," I said.
"I know," he answered with all the casual, nonchalant attitude I needed to understand the situation.
"Did you invite me so I'd make them lose?"
"Of course not, but if they do," he said.
Wes was right. I started to leave, but Nerf's long reach was able to grab my shoulder and turn me back before I got too far.
"Come on, Danger Rabbit, team spirit," he said.
"It doesn't even work like that," I argued.
I had, at best, a minimal level of control over my bad luck. Even if I could turn it on and off, there was no telling what kind of accident would happen. It was like a lottery; only the prizes were crap.
"Then what's the big deal," he debated.
I had to brush his hand off my shoulder. I couldn't tell if he believed we were friends, or his act was just that good.
"I don't like being used," I said.
He looked around. He looked over my shoulder and back to his team.
"20," he said.
"What?"
"20 bucks. That's four times the cost of admission. You take a seat over there, and you'll make your money back and then some," he added.
I thought about it. There wasn't much to be gained or lost either way. All I knew was I was there already.
"Fine," I answered reluctantly.
The game went as expected. We won, and The Bears lost. They also had two injuries, and the ball caught on fire during half time. All I did was sit on their side of the bleachers, but I felt like such an ass after the game that I left early.
Nights were cold again. Its times like those that made me wish someone in the world designed shoes for rabbits, because I needed them. I was freezing, and every step I took through the snow was a step too heavy to continue. Dad always had the car, so I had to walk.
I wasn't halfway home before I heard the honking of a car horn behind my back. As I turned around, all I saw were the headlights until they pulled up beside me. It was Nerf and his girlfriend in a Jeep. Nerf was standing in his seat with his top half sticking out of the sunroof.
"Danger Rabbit," he said as if he were announcing my guest appearances on a TV show.
"My name is Pitch," I said, between chattering my teeth.
"Shit, who flipped your headband?"
He got out of the car, but I already started walking again.
"I don't like being used," I said.
"You like being paid?" He retorted as he caught up to me and dangled a 20 dollar bill in front of my eyes.
I didn't take the money, so he had to put it away eventually. His girlfriend followed us around while we walked. Was I being harassed by the school's basketball star? Why was I being harassed by the school's basketball star?
"Me and the guys are heading to Mabel's; you want to come?" He asked as we turned down a street.
"You're serious?"
"You helped us win," he said.
"You didn't need me to win," I complimented the troll without realizing it until I couldn't take it back.
"I didn't think so either, but the guys, they wanted to see if it would work," he replied.
I didn't understand him.
"I can't tell if you're an asshole," I said.
"Thank you... I think?" He laughed.
I wasn't going to make it home if I had to walk another ten minutes through the snow. Nerf's jeep looked too warm to pass up at the moment, so I didn't fight the invitation.
"If we get there and someone throws me in a dumpster, I'll make sure no one wins a game for the rest of the year," I threatened only because I didn't trust the troll.
"So, you can control it?"
"When I want to."
"Good to know," he said before we got in his car.
When we made it to Mabel's, something stood out. I wasn't expecting the whole team to be there, but none of the human players showed up at all. It was Nerf and a couple of elves. They had their girlfriends with them, but no one else. I didn't want to say it. It would have been awkward. It might have been rude. If it was just a coincidence that none of the human members of the basketball team showed up, then pointing it out would have been a wrong move. I didn't say anything.
"You think the bad luck stuff is bad? Try eating at a basketball banquet with tusks," Nerf Joked.
We were posted up at a table for almost two hours. It was a Friday night, so Dad wouldn't have been too upset about my breaking curfew, but it was getting late. Nerf was obviously trying to kill time. Every time I tried to get up, he found a way to make me stay. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without him using the urinal next to me.
"Why am I here?" I finally asked rudely.
He went silent, and so did everyone else. I did interrupt him. Looking around, it was just him, the elves, and myself. Even their girlfriends had already gone home. Mabel's was getting ready to close for the night.
"People are afraid of you," Nerf said.
"I know that," I replied.
"But I'm not," he answered.
"So this is a dare or something? You're testing your luck?"
"You kicked Santa's ass, you hang out with a goblin, and you're fucking a satyr. As far as I can tell, you're the wildest person in town. I want you on my side," he admitted.
I was trapped in a booth between Nerf and one of his friends. I couldn't stand up from the table without pushing one of them out of the way.
"What side?" I asked.
"We're graduating this year, but you've probably never heard of 'The Ring,' have you?"
"The Ring?" I repeated.
"It's like a club for non-humans," Nerf informed me.
"That? I tried to join my freshman year. They said I couldn't."
"Because everyone saw you as human, but you're not," he argued.
The neon lights of arcade games started being shut off by employees. We were sure to be put out soon, but Nerf and his teammates showed no sign of getting ready to leave.
"The ring is more than a school club. It's been around ever since people like us agreed to live with humans. I've been a part of it since I was 10. I think you should be a member too," the troll said as more lights went out around us.
He was serious. There was no question about it. But why then? Why was he so aloof?
" You're the first of your kind, so no one's been around to help you figure stuff out. Humans are afraid of you. People like us should have been the first friends you ever had," he added.
I didn't know what to say.
"Is everyone non-human a member?" I asked.
"There are some people who don't like the idea of secret organizations, and you have to be invited to become a member. Plus, there are plenty of people who don't deserve to be a part of it like Lance and his family. Those fuckers sell magic like they don't know where it comes from," he said.
I let him graze over his sudden spike in tone towards Lance and his family. At the moment, the elf wasn't important.
"But you think I deserve to be a member?"
"I do. I want to nominate you to become an official member, but only if its something you want," he offered.
It was all so sudden. We were sitting in darkness, so it almost felt like a dream.
"What would change?" I asked.
"For starters, you'd have friends like me, people to talk to, people who understand 'being magic' comes with collateral damage sometimes."
It felt like he was leaving something out. It felt like the indoctrination into a cult.
"It's a club for people who need something to lean on. I won't lie, there are strings attached, but no one would ever ask you to kill anyone or do anything shady," he continued.
At least he was honest, but I felt ambushed and cornered. I couldn't get up until someone moved. I was trapped there having to listen to Nerf's sales pitch until he was done.
"Can I think about it?" I asked.
"There's no time limit. I can nominate you through a text message at any time. But there are rules."
"What kind of rules?"
"If I nominate you, you'll be put on a long index of people around the world who look out for each other. I'll be responsible for you until you're a full and trusted member. If you fuck up, I'll take the heat for it. But the most important thing is you can't tell humans about it, and you can't use magic," he said.
"I can't use magic?"
"Nothing that isn't natural," he explained.
His teammates finally got up from the table. They moved without warning, and it made me a little uncomfortable until they disappeared into the dark atmosphere.
"You don't have to say yes now, but trust me when I say it's worth it," Nerf said before he too got up and left the table.
I was in shock for a moment. It was a lot to absorb. As I got up from the table, I realized everyone had left but me. A waiter came by and gave me a bill before telling me I'd need to leave.
No one paid for their food.
What's worse is they left me to walk all the way from Mabel's back home in the snow. If they were trying to convince me to join their club, they were off to a bad start.