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The hardest part of being a therapist is waiting so long for your client to finally click. Hour-long session after hour-long session, just listening. Giving the patient enough time to reveal everything about themselves, their environment and how they feel about it. Like many other clients, I had a hunch pretty quickly into the first session about the nature of the problem. After all, I wasn't a therapist first. I was a philosopher, specialising in the Stoic teachings.

"When you encounter a problem, a difficult situation, something that stresses you out like you've been describing, you are faced with two choices. You can change it. But if you cannot change it, you must endure it." "I just feel so helpless. The way strangers look at me, the way my coworkers talk to me, the way my family treats me. All they see is fat. Why can't they see who I am anymore?" "Tammy, this is completely understandable, what you're going through. It is very difficult to control the opinions that other people have. Some say it's futile, and that you should focus on what you can control first of all. I want to work on you, to build you up." "I'm just so lost, doc. How can I get better?" "You made great progress today, talking through your relationships with people and your relationship with food. You know yourself well, but I think you can learn to know yourself better. I'm going to give you an exercise." "Oh god, not exercise. You know I haven't done that all year." "That's why it's perfect. I want you to squeeze into your old workout clothes, go to your local park, and do twenty full minutes of exercise. Star jumps, pushups, squats, jogging, that kind of thing." "But my disgusting jiggling belly will hang out the bottom! People will see me, and point and laugh!" "Tammy, trust me. It's important for you to learn more about your relationship with yourself and your body. What you're capable of, and what you really want."

I went too hard, too fast. She didn't make it to the end of the block before turning for home and crying her way through a tray of brownies. "I'm going to give you another exercise, a non literal exercise this time. Once again, I'm sorry, Tammy, I didn't mean to cause you that pain. I misjudged the situation and I apologise." She didn't cry in my office a second time, thankfully. "You're a friendly soul, deep down. I want to give you a joyful task. I want you to go in to your favourite restaurant, just you. Introduce yourself by name, and order the largest thing you've ever ordered for yourself. Most importantly, I want you to smile the whole time." "Why do I have to order a lot? I thought you wanted me to lose weight!" "I want what you want, Tammy. That's how I get a successful recovery and help you. Ordering a lot allows you to establish yourself, with exactly what you want, no shame. Plus I think they should enjoy meeting a loyal customer!" "But I mostly order takeaway. It'll be weird not ordering in advance. Just sitting there." "Talk to them. Or just sit peacefully and smile. You can do this. This is far easier than exercising in public, right?" I thought she sniffed for a second. Perhaps instinctively composing herself. "I can. I will." Now we're getting somewhere.

"I did it, doc. It was weird, but I did it." "How did it make you feel, Tammy?" "I ... don't know? I'm happy I could do it. The owner was nice. What's next?" "Your eagerness is refreshing. Next, I want you to eat a meal that large in front of your coworkers." "Forget I asked. Let's just sit and talk like normal." "Would it be easier to get to know your desires just around strangers instead?" "Yes, doc. I'm not ready to eat lunch with those work jerks at all." "I understand. I have something for you." I handed over a triple extra large tee shirt with giant printed golden arches on the front, and a picture of a burger on the back. "Is this some kind of joke?" "Wear it. Wear it out shopping. Wear it to McDonald's. And carry a bag of McDonald's food with you on the main street for at least 10 minutes." "That's ridiculous." "Tammy, you're allowed to like food. You're allowed to like whatever you want. If you want to control your situation, I want you to practice uncomfortability in front of strangers. Whatever they say to you shouldn't have any effect. They're not your co-workers, and you'll probably never see them again." "Then why do I have to be a walking stereotype of a fatty?" "Because you're going to smile through it, just like at the restaurant. You're building character, composure and confidence. You are above the pettiness of anyone who gets in the way of your happiness. That is what you want, isn't it? Happiness?" She gulped a she lowered her eyes from me to the desk in front of me. "...yes."

This continued for weeks, session after session. Tammy responded to a lot of challenges: asking the staff at her favourite restaurant to call her Tubby, wearing tee shirts with fat slogans on them "yeah I'm into fitness, fitness whole pizza into my mouth", doubling her order on Thursday nights. In my mind, her decision was already made. But she resisted whenever it came to carrying it over to her pre-existing relationships.

"Tammy, we've been through a lot, and you've achieved a lot in our time here too. The exercises we've done have certainly shon a light on how you want to live your life, wouldn't you say?" "They're a lot of fun. I don't know why. They're stupid but they make me feel ... free?" "I think it's because you're exercising your power of choice to the direction of the life you want to lead." "Doc, it's not choice when you're prescribing what to do." "Au contraire, Tammy. I made it harder to complete a fat-centric challenge than an exercise-centric challenge." "You... made me fat?" "Your participation showed me precisely what you were comfortable with, and what you were uncomfortable with. You do not want to change your weight with diet and exercise, you're happily living your new fat lifestyle with your new friends at the restaurant. That's the Tammy they know and love. But you haven't yet faced your past." Tammy swallowed awkwardly again. "Early on, I described how you can change a situation, or you can endure it. You've shown me your unwillingness to change the situation. It's time for you to accept your fat fate, and re-introduce yourself with the new-found confident largesse of Tammy." "I don't know if I'm ready." "It'll be hard to feel ready, but trust me on this one. You've proved it to me time and time again. It's their turn to endure you. You haven't done a thing wrong. They just need to stop seeing you as fat first, Tammy second. And they're only going to do that by taking the power away from them and truly owning your build and your life. The power of your smile allows you to see yourself through your own eyes again, not through their objectifying gaze. You are more than your fat." "What do I say?" "Whatever you feel. Just try not to be afraid of being around them anymore. It's the bridge to your happiness, removing this last obstacle of negative response."

Tammy waddled back in to my office the following week, noticeably larger. She strode with peace and purpose, nudging the doorframe with her shapely feminine hips on the way inside and plonking her plump buttocks freely as she sat. "I'm back, doc." "I can see that." "No, no, I mean, I'm back feeling myself again." "I know. I can see that already. Your body language is fantastic. You're really keeping your chins up." "Ha, ha, ha. Oh, doc, sometimes I think you've got a fetish." I blinked. "Supporting my clients is my life's work. So how did it play out?" "The first hour of conversation felt odd, but I sat through it. Politeness or not, they've shut up and moved on. That's close enough to accepting me!" "That's great news, Tammy. You don't need acceptance or validation, just to be able to go about your day the way you want to. Sounds like you might overcome your hurdle." "Sure hope so! I might not even need to meet you next week if this keeps up." "That'd be a big step, and I'd be proud of you. Supporting my clients is still important to me though. How about one more exercise?" "What's that, doc?" "How about we head out for lunch together, Tubby?" "Honestly, the things I do for ya, doc."