Inner Struggle-chapter 2-recall

Story by furcenary on SoFurry

, , , , , , , , ,

#5 of Inner Struggle


WARNING: this chapter contains gay sexual content involving anthropomorphic characters and the hands that they write with :P I suggest you don't read this if you are under 18 until mommy and daddy are away. Skip to journal 6 if you wish to skip the scene. Any damage done is irreversible.

Chapter 2- Recall

journal 5 ?/?/??

My brother was heading out to the gym today and as much as I hate going I rather tag along with him than sit at home listening to my drunken dad bitch about nothing. When we entered the gym the air flooded my nostrils with the scent of man, it did smell kinda bad but I enjoyed inhaling the musky atmosphere. My brother took off with a fitness trainer and said "have fun". I said "sure" as I pulled out my laptop. the sound of the machines left a grinding echo in my head, so I decided to take to the lockers.

While I entered the room I heard a slapping noise, it turns out there was an older Tiger pawing himself off in the changing room. I then hit the deck to see under his stall. His right paw was firmly gripped around his shaft and was sliding up and down so fast his wrist seemed to be a blur. I could smell him from here and I'm not sure if it was cognitive but I could practically taste his goods when I smelt him

At this moment it felt like I was breathing in a 3-times gravity environment. My chest felt really heavy and my crotch started to swell. I positioned myself outside his stall so that no one else could see me if they were to enter the locker room. I found my self completely erect with desire to play with my sheath. I wasn't sure what he was doing at first so I just lay there on the tile fondling my balls while observing his every luscious movement. I eventually worked my way up to the shaft and after a few tugs I spurted out this gooey stuff then my body just went numb, and I felt really relaxed. Afterwards I cleaned up my shirt and washed my hands. I spent the next few days thinking about what I had done. I found out on the internet that it was called "masturbating", and I seemed (thanks to a buff elderly tiger) to have found a brand new hobby :)

journal 5 1/2 ?/?/??

hmm it appears women don't have a "package" I found a lot of websites with nude women but they don't appeal to me at all.

It must be a guy thing.

journal 6 8/26/02

Dammit! I already have 3 reports due in 2 days and I haven't even started them. Why the Fuck would they pile us up on work this early in the year. Its bad enough I got jumped right after I got off the bus, its amazing how mean Christians can be. Of course Rob doesn't ask me about the blood-stained uniform. Tomorrow can't be any worse though... right?

journal 7 8/28/02

Tom and I got kicked out of private school Yesterday. Tom called me and said his mom freaked out. When I got home I prepared for the grounding of a lifetime but instead my dad just shrugged it off, he just didn't seem to care. I'm trying to stay on his good side even though he forgot my birthday 3 weeks ago.

journal 8 ?/?/03

We finally got a hold of the xbox. I'm not so sure this console will last that long, it doesn't seem to have many good games out there; not to mention that the controller is so big that my paws cant hit any of the buttons.

journal 9 ?/?/04

Rachel and I started dating to prepare for our 8th grade graduation prom.

Chase: May I please speak to Rachel Mr. K.?

Sonny: Sure one sec.

Sonny: *with phone away from mouth* Rachel your little friend wants to talk to you

Rachel: hey Chase

Chase: hi

Chase: wanna go see a movie?

Rachel: sure.

ewww Rachel tried to kiss my cheek during the movie, what was that all about.

journal 10 ?/?/04

At the end of prom everyone started kissing their date, I think its some kind of tradition so I minus well try to fit in *pecks Rachel on the lips*. I feel really bad for Tom he looked so sad without a date. I didn't really enjoy the kiss it made me feel like she was a complete stranger and we haven't met before in our life.

After the prom Rachel seemed kinda disappointed so I once we finished I stopped holding her hand and walked her home. I hope that she still wants to be my girlfriend.

journal 11 ?/?/04

I haven't spoken to Tom or Rachel all summer, I hope their okay.

Dang the bus ride to high-school is 45 minutes long, everyone behind my seat is doing dip which is bizarre because all through middle-school they made me sit in the back with the "losers". It just goes to show you that the grass is always greener on the other side.

It's a lot easier to fit in at high-school Rachel's become the leader of her brutality clique, Tom hangs out with the musicians, for some reason its still just us 3 eating lunch together though :(

journal 12 ?/?/05

I learned that I'm attracted to guys but I might have to keep it to myself.

journal ? ?/?/06

Tom just got hauled away to juvi I for a six month sentence, guess he got caught getting high under a school zoned overpass. what a shame he had good grades too, and now this.....

turns out that the kid who stabbed someone in the head with a pen last year got a lighter sentence than Tom who didn't even have intent to sell, God bless the American system -_-

journal ? ?/?/06

We just had a new student transfer in, and is name is Kevin. He looks as gorgeous as he ever did. Before he saw me I caught a quick snapshot of him with my camera phone {I'm totally hangin' that up in my journal}.

I greeted Kevin but he refuses to admit that he knew me, I feel so ashamed.

journal ? ?/?/07

HA! I talked to Kevin after class and he gave me his phone and email address.

Im trying to tell him how I truly feel about him but I can't seem to let it out.

journal ? ?/?/07

Man some young 9th grader named Kyro came out of the closet today. This is really bothering me, he's so young and has his whole high school life ahead of him and he's already ruined it. Umph! If a 14 year old can do it why cant I.

journal ? ?/?/07

I feel so depressed right now I just can't stop thinking about what that kid did. I see him get picked on every day but every time I look he's always smiling. He's got no one to hang out with nobody likes him, and for some reason he's still happy. I haven't slept or eaten in days this I feel like I've been feeding off of stress, devouring nothing but emptiness. I can't even focus in class anymore I just dozed off during 2 tests today.

I need help.

journal ? ?/?/07

I've going to write Kev. a letter and tell Rachel why its not working out between us.

Dear Kevin,

I've been wanting to talk to you about something that has been on my mind since we first met. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I like you, I really really like you. I thought long and hard to when you first gave me a hug and I remembered it being the only moment in my life when I felt happy. I don't have many friends left and I know my family wont take this well so please hear me out. My nape aches with void in which your soft paws once filled. Its getting to the point where I can't continue living like this. If I don't let you know how I feel then it will haunt me eternally. Even if you don't have intimate feelings towards me it wouldn't bother me because I LOVE YOU! Just hearing you respond would make me the happiest dog in the world. Please confront me about this, because I have lost all my self esteem and hope. I promise I will always be there for you even if you hate me after this letter just let yourself know that I will always be there for you.

yours till the end: Chase