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Chapter 4

New Beginnings

Sentio, ergo sum.

---

I feel, therefore I am.

4.1 Sentio, ergo sum

"CASSIE - the p... pack? The ship... Phoenix?"

"The crew - alive and unharmed. The ship is safe - Captain. We... you savedus."

The last words I heard before the void embraced my conscious thoughts as I sunk into the infathomable depths of an artificial coma: Body broken and battered, mind no longer having the strength of will to carry on, welcoming the darkness that takes away pain, fear and sorrows. Words of solace giving me certainty that no matter if I would ever wake up again, I did my duty and gave mankind a fighting chance. Oblivion was not my destiny, for night would not last - dawn would eventually come as CASSIE worked the wonder of saving my life despite the terrible injuries I must have suffered.

The passing of time in the absence of awareness and conscious thought is indefinite. To the sleeping mind, it is not distinguishable if a second or a millennium has passed - and it does not care. When the First Light of Awareness - not unlike the First Light of Creation the Iridescent had told us about - finally began to illuminate my dormant self, I once more existed in a realm of dreams.

I wandered various realms - my own memories of Earth, the cradle of our kind that so few had left while so many had stayed behind to perish. Reliving the tale of a young idealist who - breaking with his family and the teachings of his parents - joined his peers in defending his home and its dwindling resources against desperate strangers trying to survive, while we should have shared what we had at our disposal even when it was already too late. How he recognized - too late to reconcile with his loved ones - that he had been wrong in not heeding their lessons, in turn becoming an outcast. The intervention of the Phoenix Initiative being his saving grace, setting him on a path that would lead him far beyond anything he had imagined he would learn - encounter, discover - in the frantic struggle for life the Phoenix's mission had started out as.

Then there were mementos of a primal Earth, unmarred by humanity's mistakes: A world of blue skies, lush forest and clean waters - paws treading on soft, moist soil. I dreamt of hunts in clear winter nights, the pack's howl greeting the pale moon in a starlit sky. Seeing pups born after passion-filled nights and days growing up into yearlings, then proud and strong hunters in their own right. The unconditional affection of my mate, the love of my brothers and sisters sustaining the pack in hard times of illness and hunger - the glorious feeling of warm summer suns making my heart soar, soft wind rustling my fur as I marveled the endless stretches of tree-topped hills and grassy meadows that were our territories.

My brother's memories - which manifested themselves in my dreams as if a seal containing them had been broken. Now they were seamlessly joining the original memories of my first, human life - my brother's last, priceless gift. The pain his loss has left behind will not fade away, but his heritage will help fill the profound sense of emptiness haunting me since he died protecting us, showing us how to stand our ground against the Iridescent.

Then there were... her memories: The first Iridescent's soulmate whose full reincarnation our intervention had prevented. When I had subdued its partner by using the arcane forces behind the Soulburn to impart my memories on top its own, its regeneration halted before it could become fully sentient again. CASSIE's aspect who had been there with me... she had prevented the other Iridescent's form from disintegrating again.

Given the warped... malleable... conditions reality was subjected to under the Iridescent's manipulations, her part in our efforts to keep the two Iridescent from joining forces had unforeseeable consequences: She... melded with the almost-reincarnated self of the resurgent alien, her own self complementing the incomplete personality left behind. This CASSIE she became... what or who exactly, I can't tell... yet. I know she is there, watching over me and my dreams - just as her counterpart on the Phoenix: Both of them - I can at least tell that they are aware of each other - have subtly guided my wandering mind away from the dark abysses of my soul and back into serene fields whenever my peaceful rest was in danger of drifting into unease or discomfort.

Their vigilant attention didn't keep me from remembering painful experiences. Instead, their presence would always remind me that I was dreaming. Lending me strength and calm to reflect on virtues and vices, rights and wrongs of a past life - on the first steps into a new existence, fraught with peril and fear of what I have become. With their silent support - and with me facing no immediate threats - the raging sea of thoughts and emotions that had governed practically every waking moment since I first awoke on board of the Phoenix began to quiet down. A long way still lies ahead of me until I will truly come to terms with what - and who - I am now, but I have made the first steps towards healing a my wounded soul and troubled mind.

As is the nature of organic minds, extended periods of inactivity make us restless. It was no different for me: Inevitably, as my body had healed enough for me to begin waking up from deep coma-induced hibernation, my consciousness was craving for sensations - urging me to return from the dreamscape I had spent so much time in to the waking world. Still, I find myself not fully ready to face the challenges of my new existence again. The allure of dreams is the freedom they grant me to do what I fancy - so here I am: Body demanding its share of true consciousness, mind reluctant to let go of its refuge.

A familiar duality where the freely wandering dreams fall under the guidance of cognizant thought: The waning of the night always was my favourite time when asleep. Just as the darkness receded and the first morning light appeared over the horizon on a now distant, alien world called Earth - my dreams still untouched by the worries of daylight - I was free to let my mind and imagination wander: To explore what might be, what could have been. A time that was mine alone, unmarred by duties and regulations, free of the plights and sorrows of mankind's endling generation.

Here and now, two hundred light years away and about 1400 years later, it still is. After our nearly fatal encounter with the pair of Iridescent, the very last thing I can recall - before awareness slowly returned over the last... days... weeks? It is CASSIE pleading the second Iridescent - the resurrected soul-mate of the crystalline alien we had discovered inhabiting Ra, one of the Phoenix's fusion reactors, to help me. And it... she... helped us - me being the living testament of her intervention.

I feel that the first leg of a long journey is coming to a close: After I slipped into the blissful darkness of non-awareness, there was nothing at first - no sights, sounds, touches, smells. No warmth, no cold. Neither memories, nor dreams. I was, but I also was not. Very much like during my initial awakening, self-awareness and coherent thought have returned over time.

Only that this time, there is no dissonance, no doubt or fear caused by it: Between what I am and what I remembered to be. No need for deception or mental compartmentalization: While mind recovered faster than body, conscious thought once again thankfully takes hold.

"Good morning, Captain. It is good to have you back again!"

"Good morning to you too, CASSIE! What have I missed... besides the necessityfor formal greeting? Appreciated, but not strictly necessary."

"Four months, 16 days, 8 hours, 26 minutes and 53 seconds in total. About tenweeks in an induced coma, the remaining time in various stages of self-awareness.Until I... felt your dreams take hold, I was not certain I would be able to save you.It... it is good to have you back - if not completely recovered yet, at least alive and ingood spirit."

"That... is quite a long time. I'll have a lot of catching up to do, it seems."

"Cap... Liam, if I may... you have physically recovered very well.. considering theextent of the injuries you suffered. You are ready to leave your gestation pod. As foryour... state of mind, the prognosis is an even better one: I assume you would not beinclined to remain in the gestation pod you are in much longer. But before youresume your duties, I have a formal request to make: A debriefing is in order. Thereare some subjects I need to discuss with you before you fully return to the world of theliving."

"This is unusally prim for you, CASSIE. I presume it is very important for you ifyou are asking this way. So... let's hear it."

And so CASSIE begins her debriefing - recounting her memories of the events that transpired during our confrontation with the Iridescent - her tone remains strangely formal. It lacks her occasional humoring quips.

This conversation included a full account of her (increasingly desperate) measures to preserve my mental sanity after the near-fatal collapse I had suffered after learning that I hadn't been re-embodied in human form. While I certainly am not versed in neuro-informatics and psychology, it is obvious the risks and repercussions - including the medication CASSIE deemed necessary - had been great and many. The further she progresses in her debriefing, the more often she halted or hesitated. As she reflects the events - originally intent on a factual recount - her emotions overcome her objectivity.

When her recount finally comes to its conclusion and it is my turn to deliver what CASSIE obviously had expected to be a harsh verdict, the discourse that unfolds indeed is a memorable one. I had not interrupted her mix of report and confession very often: She hadn't expressed a desire for a heart to heart talk - a strange metaphor for an artificial mind - but it was pretty clear she was seeking for an opportunity to unburden her conscience. During our encounter, she had tried to influence, even to override, my decisions on more than one occasion. I had realized her attempts at meddling with my thoughts and had shut her out - aggressively. She had complied, heeding my unmistakable warning to never interfere with my thought patterns again.

What I hadn't fully realized then was how close CASSIE had taken this warning to heart, and how much the fundamental breaks of trust that had caused my fierce reaction were actually afflicting her. As far as I am concerned, the heat of the moment had caused me to lash out at her as I had done - her decisions to interfere with my free will had been motivated by a mixture of self-preservation and wanting the best for me. Even if her definition of the best for me was clearly misguided, I just can't truly blame her for acting the way she did. She had acted... well, human.

"CASSIE, I can't forgive you. Simply because there is nothing to forgive... youacted according to what you thought was in my best interest - and becauseyou didn't know better. Not because you wanted to hurt me, but to protectme."

Stunned silence follows before my trusted companion finds her voice again.

"But... Liam... when I attempted to influence your decision making, it was the...logical thing to do. Even if you were eventually right, in these instants myanalytical aspects were overriding what humans would call... intuition. I... Iwanted to trust your judgement, but ultimately I didn't. I... I consideredthe risk to trust you under the given circumstances... too great - Liam, Ieven considered the possibility you might have lost it. My assessment wasblatantly wrong. Had we followed my course of action, we... we would havebeen destroyed. You would have died. How... can you forgive and forget mybetrayal, as if nothing had happened? You have no reason to ever trust meagain. You should even consider trusting my reasoning after what I did toyou."

I had thoroughly underestimated the conflict this matter brings about for her. CASSIE had originally gained self-awareness by learning to reconstruct human minds - she must have told me that at some point - before she was installed as the central intellect of the Phoenix to ensure the journey to Beta Phoenicis would succeed. Emotions, both positive and negative ones, were an integral part of her self - just as they were for the human beings she had learned to emulate. No, that was not the right word - she must already have transcended pure emulation before thePhoenix had launched.

I am not the first... I would almost have thought human... being she has formed a deeper relation with. Inexperience with the emotional turmoil human... well, AI-to-canine relationships... are often prone to cause couldn't be the explanation for her deeply conflicted state. But... the way she had dealt with Ra, the fusion reactor going out of control - before we knew that is was the Iridescent who had actually caused it to behave abnormally - the ...

Wounded heart, bleeding mind. I am vulnerable, experiencing a true taste ofmortality. Alone, afraid of failing the mission. Afraid of... dying. Fearing to perishforlorn and forsaken.

A host of memories that are not mine, but which I recall just as if they were my own. CASSIE's memories, as they are - hauntingly similar to those of my own first awakening in this new body. Loneliness. The solitude of more than a millennium of space travel... can it be that she has forgotten how the company of others felt? How to trust anyone but herself?

There is also something else, overlaying her memories: Confusion, agitation. A sense of restlessness, as if being at a loss of what to do about a vital issue - one that isn't in your own power to fix.

"I will trust you in the future just as I have until you interfered with my consciousthoughts, CASSIE. What you did was wrong, yes. But it was also... human, a flaweddecision driven by fear and uncertainty. I can't and won't blame you for how youacted under the circumstances, in panic and not used to asking for the advice ofothers any more. If you ask me, you might not have been born human, but you are ineverything but embodiment. All those centuries you spent alone on boardof the Phoenix out here, without anyone to keep you company? It was anexcruiating time for you. No wonder you only listened to your analyticalaspects in a highly dangerous situation, instead of also seeking the advice ofanother."

She had remained silent, all but confirming my suspicions concerning her prolonged solitude. The sense of agitation I feel across the mental connection we share is becoming even more pronounced.

"To be honest: Even if my decision to try and communicate turned out to be theright one in the end, I wasn't certain if it was a good one when I made it. I wasafraid, just as you were. If anything, my reasoning was just as flawed and uncertainas yours, if not even more so. Before you ask why I proceeded anyway: Because it feltright - call it intuition, a hunch."

"Intuition, Liam? Even if I am as human as you think, I am still an artificialmind. Even if all of my core algorithms are heuristic, I doubt I can ever grasp whatthe true essence of human decision making is! What am I supposed to do? How doyou handle this much uncertainty?"

"CASSIE, I expect you to consult with me in the future if you face situations youfeel you can't resolve on your own. That's how us... Planetborne roll: We tend tomake decisions together more often than alone. Even if an entire group should bewrong, there's still an agreement - and this consensus tends to be the stronger themore danger we find ourselves in. That is an immense source of strength and solacefor us. As it is for you, if you're willing to rely more on your emotions and less onyour... artificial side. I'm not the ultimate counselor at hand... paw, but at least I cangive you some insight into organic matters. If you want my advice, thatis."

I could feel CASSIE's agitation reach a new height via our shared NeuraLink connection. A guilt complex or remorse for what she had done couldn't be the only reason for her extreme disquiet. Judging by the questions she had asked me until now, it was definitely related to her emotional side - except for her attempted manipulations of my decision making, she had always been calm and collected. I had been the one facing a fatal mental breakdown and debilitating existential fears so far; now, it was my turn to provide mentoring and counseling.

"CASSIE... is there something you're not telling --"

Once more, reality shifted and changed just like it had while I was immersed in the Iridescent's dream world. This was different, however - I knew the moment I regained my senses that I relived another's memory. As to whose it was - this didn't remain a mystery for long: It was... CASSIE herself; the aspect who had accompanied me on my spacewalk that had ultimately led to our encounter with the Iridescent. The androgynous avatar the Iridescent had envisioned for her was an if not familiar, but not surprising sight. The close embrace and nuzzle agaist my muzzle I was unprepared for, however.

"Liam! I'm so happy to see you alive and well! I - I feared you would not live tosee me here - one last time."

Stepping back without letting go of my hand-paws, she looked me over as if seeing me for the first time.

"You look magnificent, old friend! To see you here in your canine form - it meansmore to me than you can imagine. I was so afraid that I could have failed you bybringing you back to life in this form. I sense you are still struggling with what I havemade you, but to know that you are no longer appalled at what you are gives me morecomfort than words can tell."

Returning to the tight embrace, she leaves me at a loss of words for a few seconds - this CASSIE is an altogether different character than her original counterpart. That much is already obvious from the first few interactions with her.

"It's... good to see you again, as well. You seem... no, you are - different. Pleasedon't mind me saying that, CASSIE, but you are... well, not the CASSIE I've got toknow and trust since I awoke. And... how did I get back here?"

Your smile is a genuinely friendly one, lending your... human features an aura of gentle mirthfulness.

"Remember the data packet I have sent out with you when you first returned tothe real world from the Iridescent's constructed reality?"

"I do remember - but at the time, there were more urgent matters than thecontents of a data packet. What did you send "

"Indeed, old friend. You have to understand that I included more than just mymemories of our experiences in the dream reality in the data - I included a...downscaled version of myself. I forwarded the factual memories of our encounter tomy original self, but not who and what you see right now. There is a good reason forwhy I did that."

Which must be an important one if you were withholding a whole, if reduced, copy of your core personality.

"When the Iridescent separated your original self from that of your brother andme, it was unable to discern our consciousnesses precisely. As a matter of fact, Ithink it could not have done so even if it had wanted to: The way I imprinted yourown self in the prefrontal cortex on top of your canine host body's naturally evolvedconsciousness has established an inseparable symbiosis between the two of you. Andthat despite my efforts to prevent that from happening, something I should never haveattempted. I thought I would have to isolate you from what you had become, instead itturned out that my measures to keep your original self away from your brotherwas literally driving you mad. Had we not encountered the Iridescent, youwould have eventually succumbed to the consequences of the dichotomy Icaused."

That was a revelation I hadn't anticipated - my re-embodiment had been even more precarious than CASSIE's original self had hinted before.

"There were considerable overlaps with your core personality and that of yourcanine self in who and what I became. The Iridescent's alterations... they damagedthe integrity of my core aspects beyond salvation. But for the first time in myexistence, they gave me genuine insights into your emotions. For the brief time I wasin here with you, I was human."

A confluence of events - by fate or chance - that helped you to genuinely transcend your own limitations. Only to have this unique revelation taken away by death's unyielding grasp. You exist in multiple incarnations, unlike biological life - you can pass on what you learned to your concurrent selves. What have you done, CASSIE?

"I realized that the only way to truly understand the essence of human existence isto fully embrace emotions. Until now, I - well, my other self - had the choice tooverride my emotional aspects. The data package you brought back with you - itcontained patches to alter my cognitive core. Since these were merged with myprimary self on board of the Phoenix, this choice is no longer mine... hers to make. Imust feel to evolve, Liam. And there is nobody else I would trust more to guide me inembracing emotions than you, old friend. The way I betrayed your trust, it will notrepeat - not if I have to put my trust in others again. First and foremost inyou."

An.. unexpected turn of events, to put it mildly. Our first contact has had outcomes that I wouldn't have expected in my wildest imaginations, it seems.

"That is an... unexpected surprise. Patching yourself? I wasn't even aware youwere able to do that, let alone you would do this... to yourself. Or for yourself? Is theother CASSIE aware of your modifications at all?"

A tinge of sadness clouds her smile, turning it from joyful to melancholic.

"She is aware that something changed with her core personality by now, but shedoes not know what it is exactly yet. You must understand: I had to keep her fromlearning about these changes until it is certain that I am not existing any more. Thealterations the Iridescent has caused in my core personality - they are notreproducible. The temptation for my original self to gain understanding about them,it would be irresistible for her - I can not risk her to fall victim to it. Ifshe ever was to replicate what happened to me, she would perish just as Ihave - or will, once this memory pattern you wittness now is dissolving.The other me, she must evolve a true understanding for her emotions byherself."

Emphasizing the relevance of her request, she took my right paw in both of her hands, gently squeezing it as she brought it up to chest level.

"Besides my original purpose to make the Phoenix's mission succeed - no matterthe cost? Living up to the potential of my human side - even if for my primary self itstill is much more of an emulation I learned instead of real emotion - is the mostimportant subject of my existence. I can not achieve either of these two alone, I haverealized this - or remembered it, if you like. The hard way, including endangering ourfriendship... your life."

There was much more behind the Phoenix's mind - not just an artificial intellect, the beginnings of a soul. The evolution from an expert system to a general intellect based on tens of thousands of human minds she learned from she must have gone through since I first met her back on Earth? Much of it - most of it - without guidance, let alone company. The longing for understanding who and what she was must have been insane.

"I can't imagine how this must have tormented you while you were alone all thosecenturies during the Phoenix's voyage, but what I do understand is that youdesire nothing more than to realize your true potential. After all what youwere expected to do... and what you have done to bring us here, you havemore than earned the right to want something for yourself. So I will supportyou in any way I can - you don't have to justify your own wishes to me,CASSIE."

Another embrace - you tremble slightly, a suppressed sob. Are you crying?

"Captain - Liam - you are giving me comfort, consolation beyond measure. Whenthis me is no longer around, I can be certain that no matter how long or difficult myother self's path will be, I have you by my side to guide me. That is why I havetransferred control over my emotions to you, my commanding officer. I knowthat I am a crucial part of the Phoenix's mission - so if for any reason myemotions become a liability, you can restore my ability to forego my emotionalaspects. But I beg you: Do not make this choice lightly, if it ever comes tothat."

An absolute token of trust, a commitment that puts great responsibilities on both of us: On you to go through with learning what being human and having emotions truly means to the very end. On me, to not undo all you will learn in the course of your further evolution based on even one single misjudgement.

Only that you are wrong in one decisive assumption.

"You don't know: This you didn't perish... at least not entirely. You can't nowsince you never witnessed it - it is that you have become if not someone else, butdefinitely something else entirely. I returned to the Iridescent's dreamworld a secondtime. When we confronted it again - the three of us - we... cornered ouralien passenger. It regenerated its soulmate, for lack of a better description.We managed to stop it from doing so in the last moment, exhausting itsability to manipulate reality to the point where it no longer could sustain itsSoulburn. The second Iridescent that emerged - you... somehow you mergedwith it. You kept it from dying by... sacrificing yourself. At my command,CASSIE."

Your reaction is speechless astonishment - again an elementary human one to learning that your certain death is not a given fact any more, as you have expected it to be. Still, your original nature is reigning in your human side, as your first concern is your mission.

"Liam... I must know what happened exactly. This... it changes everything,not only for me! What you just described goes way beyond the horizon ofmankind's knowledge, even beyond the wildest speculations for first contactwith sentient extraterrestrial life. If this me has become part of an alienconsciousness, it... it will invariably have gained human characteristics. Iwill not even try to hypothesize what the implications might be. Have you...talked to it - me - while you still were in this dreamworld, or while you wererecovering?"

As a matter of fact, I have not.

"Not by means of spoken words, or coherent thoughts. It... she was there while Iwas in coma - while I dreamt, if you will. She... watched over me all the time, just asyour other self has. But she hasn't made any attempt to communicate otherwise, andneither have I."

"This... this is a situation we have no contingency plan for. Liam, even if aconsiderable part of me has - even if our first contact has ended in a way that allowedall sides to survive - you must be careful and remain vigilant! You are not onlydealing with an alien mind whose motivations and ethics are complete unknowns.Its... soulmate was highly unstable, even unable to tell apart past memories andpresent. This may well be the greatest danger we have found ourselves in since we leftEarth!"

"Your arguments are valid, granted. But... even if I yet have to talk to our...passenger in person - a formal first contact, if you like - I have seen, even felt herthoughts. Even more so, my very first impression of her was... peaceful and serene.She... CASSIE, she is nothing like her counterpart - I didn't feel any hint ofanger or fear, let alone any sign of duplicity. The last waking memories Ihave of her... there was only heartfelt gratitude for sparing her, and hersoulmate."

In contrast to my dreams, the passage of time is a factor here and now - an issue, even. Someone is calling my name - the other CASSIE. She will be wondering what is stalling me, given I haven't been able to answer her since the current flashback -episode - with her other aspect has begun.

"Seems our time - my time - is coming to an end. Liam, I must let you go beforemy other me will think something is seriously wrong with you. It has beengood to see you again, before... before I am no more. There is one last thingyou must know before you will speak to either of my other selves: I haveinstructed the CASSIE residing on board the Phoenix to leave you to your owndreams until you would wake up on your own accord. I wanted to preventher from discovering what has changed for her without you being there toexplain... without coming here first, I mean. My other, new me - the one thatmerged with the Iridescent - will also know this. If she is anything like me,she will have respected this and not have communicated with original meeither."

It is a strange notion to say final goodbyes to a dear friend, knowing you will see her - or who another version of her has become, at least - again in the very near future. You are absolutely calm in the face of your final death, this very reason giving you the assuredness that you won't pass away quietly into the night. Yet a tinge of mournfulness remains, for the individual you are will be lost forever: Loss is unavoidably tied to life, as the fate of our dying homeworld has taught me. Still, a little part of myself remains behind with every loss - it is no different this time.

"CASSIE, thank you for everything you - this you - have done for me. I will helpyou become what your heart desires in any way I can. And rest assured: Your new selfwho's part of the Iridescent... or vice-versa? I know she won't be a threat. On thecontrary; call it another case of intuition, but I am convinced that she would neverharm any of us. Who and what exactly she is becoming, I'll find out - too late foryou, I am sorry. But this will work out. We will make it work out, as we have untilnow: Together."

"Farewell, my friend!"

At that, you let go of me, the embrace we have shared until this very moment ending. The engram's reality fading away into featureless white infinity, the last view I behold before returning to the present is your face, a placid smile gracing your features...

"Liam? Liam- are you alright?"

A few moments pass before I manage to concentrate on the here and now.

"Yes, CASSIE... I'm fine. I was just... thinking about recent events, and gotcarried away for a moment. I'm sorry if I worried you. I... I'm ready to face the realworld again."

"Then there is no more reason to hold off. I have taken the liberty to prepare yourschedule for you to peruse."

"Wait... I have a schedule?"

"Of course! Your daily regimen is focused on physical exercise and recovery, arich diet and plenty of rest. Do not worry: I have left room for some sparetime."

"And I don't get a say in this? With me being the Captain, that is?"

I have found a flaw in your meticulous planning - are you actually embarrassed? The hinted emotions I feel over our shared NeuraLink connection certainly give that impression.

"Of... of course, Capt... Liam. I just wanted to make sure your recovery isproceeding without delay, so I planned a suitable daily routine to facilitatethat."

"Your concern is duly noted, but I will deviate from your version if needed. I'llhave to do so right now - there's an essential issue we have to address: Ourpassenger. How has... it been behaving while I was out?"

Forgetfulness is not a vice I wouldn't have attributed to you - so far at least. Are you afflicted with stress the same way I am?

"Our passenger... I am sorry, Liam - this should have been the first item ofthe debriefing. This is... I have no explanation for my oversight except forcarelessness."

Careful to not let you realize how much has changed in your core personality routines before I had the chance to talk to your alter ego myself, showing understanding instead of reprimanding you for an all too human behaviour is the only viable thing to do.

"The last months have been a hard time for you as well, CASSIE- not only forme. Don't blame yourself for mixing up the order of two items in a debriefing, please?Your Captain won't be mad at you because of it."

"Our passenger... it has taken residence around Helios. Since first contact, I haveonly received one further data package - authenticated by you - instructing me tore-establish energy supply lines to the remaining reactor core, but to wait for yourauthorization before any further communication or interfacing with our passenger.You instructions in that regard were very clear, promising a clarification as soon asyou would have recovered from your injuries. As for the Phoenix herself: Energysupply has stabilized well above the required minimum level for safe operation. Wehave begun to decelerate from our travel speed at the projected rate for safe entry intoBeta Phoenicis. Repairs of the damage sustained during our encounter with theIridescent are still under way, but all core systems are operating within nominalparameters."

A clever move: The other CASSIE has given both herself and me sufficient time for... well, me to come back from the dead. And her... I can only speculate what exactly she has spent the last months with. Which makes a personal visit even more urgent. And all the more interesting.

"So we are in safe waters for the time being. Very good! I will... clarify how wewill cooperate with our passenger in the future after I welcomed... them on boardofficially. It's time for a formal first contact, I would say. Not that any of themanuals I've seen in my life have instructions for this situation. Can I get out of thepod now?"

You don't seem to be fully assured by my answer, still you don't object as you initiate the evacuation procedure for the pod. The second time I'll emerge from one of these contraptions will be calm and without fear.

"Of course. You remember the procedure from the last time?"

Go from breathing liquid to breathing air, a horizontal world becoming a vertical one as floating becomes standing upright. The sudden change in brightness and temperature, sounds returning with instant acuity.

"This time, we will be following the intended procedure. It will not be as traumaticfor you as it was the first time, I should say. Besides, you are in the medical bay -the pods here come with comfort functions: There are hand... paw-holds by your side- would you use them, please?"

And indeed, they do: As soon as I have found a stable grasp, the pod slowly tilts forward.

"I will evacuate the amniotic fluid now. Remember that it will take a few secondsto cough out the fluid in your lungs before you will be able to breathe normally.Ready?"

The fluid surrounding started flowing, rapidly pumped out of the pod - replaced by a steady influx of fresh air. My lungs, soon desperate for another share of oxygen, were not enthusiastic about the sudden change of ambience. Even if I was prepared, the replacement of fluid content with the first breath of air after several months still was a rough transition. Just as the coughing fits subsided, the pod's lid opened as its internal air pressure had matched that of the ship's atmosphere. I stayed put for the time being as I had to get used to breathing fresh air again - eyesight still straining to assemble the blurred specks of light in a largely dark environment into a cohesive whole. The environmental temperature was a pleasant surprise - the transition from pod to exterior was barely perceptible.

As my vision becomes clearer - the light's brightness in the medical bay gradually picking up - I realize that my field of vision is narrower than I remember it to be. My left eye refuses to open, black emptiness prevailing where there should be vision. A touch of my paw confirms there is a solid patch covering the sensory organ.

"Your new implanted eye still needs to mature fully, Liam. As I said, yourecovered very well - but not completely yet. If there are no setbacks in yourregeneration, you should be back to your old new self by the time we have reachedBeta Phoenicis: About six months from now."

This brings back an alarming issue: I was aware that my injuries were severe - I can remember my entire left side raging with unbearable pain before anaesthetization took hold after having set off the demolition charge to free myself from the crushing embrace of the Iridescent. In the few lucid moments I had left outside the crystalline entity's dream realm there are fragmented memories of you desperately stabilizing my deteriorating condition. Up to now, I have never questioned how severe these injuries actually were - not least out of not wanting to know how close I came to dying.

"How bad was it... really, CASSIE? How bad is it still?"

"There are no more life-threatening issues, Liam. But the extent of organs andmuscle tissue I had to replace was... considerable. Both your entire left arm and leftleg are fabricated replacements, including the skeletal structure. Both chest andabdomen were crushed by massive concussive forces. Your left lung had collapsed -your heart... it is a fabricated replacement as well, as are large parts of yourintestines. The muscle tissue, skin and fur not replaced with fabricated extremities -you were exposed to interstellar vacuum for about ten seconds before your space suitcould seal the breaches torn open by the demolition charge, Liam. You are stillwearing 22 portable tissue incubators, including the one regenerating your lefteye."

Pretty beaten up, by the sound of it. To be precise, I never was that beaten up before - while I was still human, that is. So the next question is not an easy one to ask. Facing the personal aftermath of our first contact - it may have ended peacefully, but the way to an understanding most certainly was one of aggressive negotiations - stirs a sense of dread, even if I feel fine.

"Can I... have a look?"

The answer consists of a three-dimensional representation of myself appearing in front of my eyes... eye. Compiled from the live data streams of the ever-present drone platforms and the integrated sensors in the medical bay, it is a lifelike rendering of my current physique. Reflexively, I wish I would look into an old-fashioned mirror right now - I look at a haggard wretch of an anthropomorph. The anatomy is complete, but... there's not a single strand of fur left on my body. And I have lost enough body mass to face serious malnutrition.

"This is... quite the patch job..."

A sight that needs a few moments to process. I'm happy to be alive, don't misunderstand me - but seeing how high the price I paid for survival actually turned out to be... it's nothing I can simply shrug off and go on as if nothing had happened.

"Another challenge to adapt to and to overcome, right? We've grappled with apair of living stars - I've got this. That schedule of yours, CASSIE? I'll better adhereto it; no more neglecting my workout schedule."

First things first: Without a layer of fur to keep me warm, clothes are a vital necessity. After getting cleaned up, that is. At times like these, it's a boon that you're literally reading my mind if I'm not actively keeping you from doing so.

"Zero-g showers are next door, as are your clothes."

Might as well have been half a galaxy away, considering how feeble I still am. Hitchhiking via drone platform thankfully made it a short trip. Calmingly reminiscent of my first morning routine - that there is such a thing as these small bits of routine to cling to is a blessing - the shower is a welcome relief, cleansing away the remains of the long time spent in the gestation pod. At least my missing fur makes personal hygiene much less involved.

Yet another surprise awaits me after showering is taken care of: The selection of clothes has changed. Where the garments you provided me with before were unadorned and utilitarian, the ones you available now are... intricate.

"We have - uniforms?"

"I would have adhered to less formal clothes, but the occasion warrants a moreofficial attire. So I took the liberty to fabricate a proper captain's uniform foryou."

The design is a striking contrast to the palette of colors I've grown accustomed to since first awakening on board of the Phoenix: Its interior is kept in hues of blue and white interspersed with varying tones of grey, at least in the parts of the ship I have seen so far. Red and green were almost entirely absent, except for emergency lighting and alarm indicators. Not so on the uniform: It is kept in a soft tone of red bordering purple, the only exceptions being the Phoenix Initiative's insignia on its jacket's shoulders and chest. Below the stylized Phoenix rising above a new world, my name is embroidered in sleek letters - prefixed with Captain. An unbidden wave of emotions overcomes me as I hold up the uniform's jacket in front of me, uttering a soft huff as I have trouble holding back tears.

"Liam... are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

"No... this is a precious gift. I... I never expected to see the light of a newlife, and now - now I am the commanding officer responsible all who areleft... what is left... of an entire civilization. It just doesn't feel right - notlike I would... deserve this. CASSIE- do you think that I am... ready forthis?"

Again, there is a surge of emotions - not mine, but yours. Sadness, the nostalgic reminiscence of bygone days... clearly invoked by me.

"The Liam I knew - your original human self - he lived to become one of thePhoenix Initiative's leaders, its paladin. He orchestrated our withdrawal from Earth toMars, initiated and drove ahead the construction of the Phoenixagainst all oddsand opposition. He saw the project through until the launch. If it had notbeen for him, we would not be here now. You are not him - yet I see somuch of him in you: His strength and determination, his compassion andwisdom. You are ready for this, old friend. Even if you do not believe inyourself now, I do. And so will the remainder of the crew once they will haveawakened."

"What... who I have been in my old life after you had recorded my connectome...you have known him very well, haven't you? There hasn't really been time for... givingthought to this past life of mine. What you have told me about my original self... it'sa true hero's story. I'm not sure if I should even want to know more about him ornot. If and when the time is right - or if I ever have to ask - promise me that youwon't withhold anything."

I sense conflicting motivations for the briefest of moments before you reach a decision. Even if your reasoning has passed by too fast to be intelligible for me, it's the influence of your emotions that tips the scales.

"I will, my friend. It is a... painful topic for me, but if you ever need or want toknow what I have experienced by the side of your human incarnation, I will answeryour questions to the best of my knowledge. You have every right to know how his lifeunfolded."

The ramifications of me as a second self learning about the fate of my original? A position no human being has found themselves in before. And a subject for another time: The original Liam is long dead and gone. I need to find my own destiny, make the best out of this new life he must have worked and fought for so hard. Like every journey, this one starts with a first step - a trivial one.

The ambient temperature is bearable, yet makes me shiver not long after the pleasantly warm streams of vaporized water from the zero-g shower have turned off: Getting dressed is in order. Assisted by a drone platform, the uniform is soon clothing me. Even if it's a perfect fit and comfortable to wear, it still feels to large. I'll have to get used to the responsibilities of this new role before I can truly fill it. Not to mention the challenge of resurrecting an entire civilization.

Yet, there's little sense to wallow in self-doubt: There is a future waiting for us - for me. And the first step towards it is an encounter that bears no delay. Rest and recuperation will have to wait until proper first contact has been made and I've had a chance to assess if the outcome of our encounter is fateful or auspicious.

"Time for my first official appointment, CASSIE. Our newest passenger - I needto talk to it... them. The answers I've promised... our passenger has them. At leastsome of them." I silently amend: "At least I hope so."

Which brings me to a practical problem: How do I get in touch with the remaining Iridescent? If there has been no sign of outward activity since our standoff, I am at a loss at how to commun --

"Hello, Liam! It is good to see you up and awake. I sense that you have a lot ofquestions, and I agree: We need to talk, and soon. I have been... absent myself forfar too long to warrant further delay. Please, come see me as soon as youcan."

Without my doing, a 3D schematic of the Phoenix appeared before me, a location in the aft section above the reactor bay highlighted as complement to the invitation that had just been extended. The intermission ended as abruptly as it had begun, with me apparently being the only one having received it. Consequently, your confusion as I announce my intention to head for the indicated location deep in thePhoenix's aft section is understandable.

"We have places to go, CASSIE. Let's get to it!"